Home Dating & Relationships Relationships Sacrifices: I have to give up what!?

Sacrifices: I have to give up what!?

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When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

See Also:  Tragic Flaws that Destroy Relationships

Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

  • Watching TV
  • Playing Video Games
  • Cooking “too much”
  • Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
  • Working at their current job
  • Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
  • Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
  • Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
  • Going out with their friends
  • Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
  • Giving you great oral sex
  • Always wanting to give you great oral sex
  • Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
  • Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
  • Giving you head in the car
  • Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

  • Smoking in your house
  • Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
  • Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
  • Stealing from you
  • Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (“I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
  • Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
  • Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
  • Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
  • Smoking crack
  • Selling crack
  • Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
  • Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
  • Constantly trying to smell your dick
  • Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
  • Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
  • F*cking your sister … repeatedly
  • Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
  • Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.
See Also:  5 Lessons Learned From Dating

This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool

Comment(39)

  1. Sbm you are tooo funny! "u see me cumming?" …lol

    really though there are certain things u should be willing to change and or give up for your mate. HOWEVER that change has to cum from within. you must always remain who your are because to change into anyone else would be to commit a form of suicide.

    life is about growth and change. a man shouldn't desire to be 50 years old doing the same things he was at 27 there is no progression in his life. and when u stop growing you start dying. if we enter into a relationship and I accept you as the video game playing,motocycle riding,non head giver that your are, then that's that. however u would then also have to accept me for the shop a holic diva that I am.

    "baby why did u take all my clothes and put them in the den?"- u say

    then I say- " well ba y for one I needed to make space for the clothes I purchased. and also I figure since u spend most of ur time in there playing the game..u may as well get dressed in there too!!"

    LOL…

    compromise is a blessed thing…

    peace,

    A sankofa Queen

  2. lol SBM. We get it–you won't be giving up oral sex.

    I cracked up when I read "Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming” " That's the kind of stuff that should have never been started in the first place…ROFL

    (”I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)

    LOL…folks will try to convince you to believe anything when they are liars.

  3. Okay, since this is mostly comedy, I won't go through the list.

    I DO however have a problem with the chewing with your mouth open. Hell yes I can ask you to give that up! Where the hell did you grow up? A barn? If there's one thing I can't stand it's eating with someone who has shitty table manners. While you're at it, quit letting your teeth scrape the fork. And that little folded up white rectangle? Yeah, that's a napkin, genius. It's free. You're welcome.

  4. Well I can turn this serious in a heartbeat.

    The largest problem i have seen wit dating todays modern working class over 25 black woman, is lack of ability to compromise. its like just not in their vocabulary at all. especially the ones over 31. if she wants to go out for sushi, and i cant digest raw food.. she demands sushi, her way or the highway.

    most of them refer to it as, you must date white women and they let you get away with shit, but its actually more like "I prefer to date a human being with respect for others"

    i know our parents had a give and take type of relationship. whats wrong that we cant get there especially now?

  5. I still crack up when I reread that "see me cumming" comment … and then I wonder if I went to far … but then I start laughing again.

    And while I was trying to be funny … I did hope to be serious with the overall topic … it is a serious thing … but had to keep it light at the same time.

    @Hasani: We need to get you some random chic to just break you off a couple times. Then all will be well with the world man.

  6. to hasani I think that I would relish in the oppurtunity to show u how a real woman does things. I won't bore u with details all I can say is me u and some handcuffs and I promise you won't be dissapointed ….lol

  7. SBM..you are too funny for this one..lol..my big one..WASH YOUr PLATE WHEN YOU ARE DONE USING IT..lol.. I can't stand when the sink is empty and someone pops a dirty plate on the counter.

  8. Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)…Get real you will HAVE to give this up!

    Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”…LMAO!!! You need help. This is too funny!

    @HNIC…Chill the hell out! Everything isn't meant to be serious.

    I agree with the topic though. The thing is you can tolerate somethings for a while. But after being together for years or a lifetime some of those things on that list will eventually change.

  9. Funny!! :o) The head game definitely is a must!!

    Well all those things listed are things should be recognized in the first place, and shouldn't be asked to "give up" since your mate should be accepting you the way you are from the front door!

    It is truly the things that "lay beneath" I would more concerned about, all that other stuff is just outside layers.

  10. Yes….. everything IS supposed to be serious. didnt you get the memmo?

    SBM: Good gawd the last thing I need is to be "broken off" a little somethin somethin. Im tryin to think with my brain more and my dick less. its worked the first 30 years, so im gonna keep trying it this way.

    seriously though, why is it that we have such a hard time giving things up in our generation? how did we get so ME ME ME when the whole concept of ""being BLACK" was overcoming strife by coping with it by banding together? least thats my take on it.

    now we turned into such a ME ME ME and what can you do for me types its not even funny.

    oh well…

  11. to hasani..the HNIC.. I do believe that u should lighten up a little life is far to short to be so serious. this is just a blog. not real life. this is a forum where we can express our opinion freely be it good bad or indifferent. no one is saying everything has to be all about them. one sided relationships rarely prosper. those of us who are aware that the revolution is now I'm sure pay homage to those who have paved the way. I know I stand on the shoulders of my ancestors. seriously hnic..if u truly are the head ni**a in charge u should lead by example. and if all you are going to do is complain..either stop posting..or start ur own blog..

    peace.

  12. i guess i struck a nerve.

    huge line between debate/food for thought and complaining. right now what YOUR doing is complaining… about me. I bring up food for thought related to the posted topic 😉

    thats kinda the point

  13. HNIC…I'm not trying to be mean. but Hasani I really see why you have a problem closing the deal. Most of us on this board can get past a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th date. And on your 33rd try, I'm beginning to think its not all "them" or even the state of black relationships-cause dates aren't relationships. They are the ability to get along and NOT ANTAGONIZE others.

    Maybe you need to find a blog that can work THAT issue out first. And then join the class again when you are able to master that basic concept.

  14. Im nice to people. YOU are th antagonist.

    This is a topic we have touched on more tan a few times. why is there hostility between sistas and brothas today? you will be quick to point out how much of a saint you are… and then 10 minutes later come at a brothas neck like you are right now.

    Amazing you fully agree that I am to "simpish" and then agree that a woman has to have some form of conquest/hostility to find interest in a guy…. but then claim I antagonize women to drive them away? well If I was antagnizin the women I date.. in your wn theory wouldnt that make them stick around?

    Actually the inverse is true. I just go with the flow and stay al roker type happy. YOU on the other hand are about as happy as "sammy the bull gravano." why must you always bash your brothers insted of praise? why is anyone who dosent agree with you become the anti christ?

    to tie your commnts and mine back to the main topic. perhaps your so old and still unmarried because of your inability to compromise. Pretty in the face? Oh totally I cant dispute that. but a long term commitment with a pretty woman who thinks of her own opinion first 2nd and third is not very sexy for a long term thang. YOu above any other person I have met since I have been single are the absolute embodiment of what I feel is wrong with our culture and why 81% of black women are single in America.

    its not me…. its YOU.

    think like this t yourself….. what can I offer a man if I lost me pretty face, silky hair and job tomorrow?

    be something more than your pedigree.

  15. Hasani

    Good Sunday to you!!! Here's the thing other than a few pics and a few sentences here and there. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. Why am I single? I actually could have been married back in 2003, I think that would have put me right at your age appropriate standard to be and get married. I don't JUST want to be married cause everybody else is, because being unmarried is a sign of weekness and lonlieness-I'm working on me. And you are right, I am checking the things that I feel aren't helpful in a relationship, so that he can easily show up. And I know with all my heart all the fiber in my being that HE IS ON HIS WAY.

    so what's your excuse.

  16. Hey you guys stop fighting!!! Why is this blog becoming so intense? Don't attack each other that is the problem with the black community.

    We can't possibly get into a discuss or determine why someone is single, without knowing them.

    SBM…Calm them down!

  17. ^^^ I don't really think its that deep. And it takes two to fight. And I don't think I am. I'm just wondering how even a relatively light subject gets a Hasani black cloud over it. And then he continues to post about going on 40 dates with no one signing up for seconds. thats not a judgement thats a very clear and obvious correlation.

  18. Heya miss Dev how are you today sweetie 😉

    ah my dear as always your lightest statement rings loud of a thousand truths! You echo what I am saying, why must everything turn into a flame fest and an outright attack? why are sistas so hostile and disrespectful of brothas these days?

    WHy are we all hatin and not lovin? im not talkin in a hippie love type of way Im talkin about in that real way! that bonding way that being black is known for in this countrys history. where did it all go.

    comeback, I dont need to know you to see what your saying it usually negative and hateful… its overly apparent. why am I single? Umm dear, I have already DONE the american dream thang. Ya know… house, mortgage with ANOTHER PERSON, splitting my decisions and loving another person the way god intended, planning children and futures….. ya I been there done that. 1/3 of my life loving another and being loved is a beautiful thing and I highly recommend it. but one can tell by your perceptions and reactions that you have never been in a long term situation living together with anyone. Hell id even be shocked if you had a roommate your senior year in undergrad… I seriously would.

    and yes.. living alone and being alone IS a sign of weakness. your not a whole person unless you do the WHOLE american dream…. not just part of it. and if you wanna play the religion card? You cant complete all of the 7 blessed sacraments by grooming your pedigree and buying yourself gucci and coach.

    very proud of it! more proud of it than anything else I have accomplished in my young life! and still trying to love another again. but also trying to understand todays woman and figuring out why out community has this separation. why are 81% of our sistas deciding not to be with our brothas? why are we hostile to eachother in the work place and at times more hostile towards eachother than we are to anyone else?!

    @comeback seriously, as fine as you look in the face……I should be sittin here trying to sweet talk you and find ways I can make you happy and smile "on the daily"! but ……….insted we have to throw down every other paragraph like we Mike Vicks puppies. sheesh! wheres the love?

  19. Calm down Hasani and Comeback. I swear, I don't think I have witnessed so much pent up sexual chemistry in one place since … well … prolly ever. Luckily NJ and DC aren't that far … and since the future of me and Comeback is a wrap … Hasani … its all you man.

    Honeslty, you both are a lil crazy, and managed to come up with some truth's about the other.

    @Hasani: Sorry, but Comeback has a point. Your conversion rate is a little too low … and it may be indicative of something more serious. Not sure if its the simping, a growth on your lip, or something else … but its about time you hit that personal journey and start working on it. Sorry man … but gotta start looking at the common denominator.

    @Comeback: Hasani also has a good point. You are extremely mean spirited 80% of the time. I remember going back and forth with you all day over some of the stupidest things in the world. Your not the most (or the worst to be fair) of opinions that you don't agree with (which is all of mine) and every once in awhile you do or say something that just borders on outright vindictive and nasty. So Hasani definitely has a point here.

    @Hasani (again): BTW … stop throwing out random numbers as statistics. Where is this 81% coming from? I know overall its high, but unless your counting the unmarried 5 year olds, not sure your gonna get 81%

    @Both: Love ya'll though … you keep my day interesting.

  20. like I have to write a BLOG in correct MLA format for you people?

    70% of black women are unmarried

    51% of american women are single

    ref1) http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200704/20070406/

    Come with me my brothas.. to the sushi bar we must go!!

    <>

    "census 00
    http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/m

    So just like I am saying. Its not like the 90's anymore. black women cant run around and keep saying, "well Im unmarried/not domestically partnered because there are no good black men/black men dont want to settle down" because if you look at the numbers we are still settling down but the black women are not. this is not my opinion so dont flame me for it (not like your going to read this anyway)

    the main problem I see with the statistics are that they are including "AFRICANS in america" with black americans.

    not the same people, especially when it comes to marriage in our 2 cultures. I have dated a very high number of "African in america" women of late, "Miss may" being the longest one. all are looking to be married or have a domestic partnership compared to only 2 black american women I have dated who wanted to be married or have a domestic partnership. (the majority of sistas usually have said "if it happens it happens but right now I enjoy my freedom)

    the rivalry between men and women is not existent in the african community it seems to the extent that it is in ours. thus they actually want to get married. I feel (my opinion) this is why the majority of the "black" women who I have gone out with were/are born outside of the united states.

    I have a 3rd date with "miss moscow" on tuesday speaking of which.

    I am not turning away any woman who asks for a first date, nor am I prejudice. but I am slightly avoiding Caucasian females and actively trying to pursue american born black women (thats you guys)

    the number one reason I have been given for not wanting to continue dating has been "too nice"

    im not all men, Im just me. I have kept tabs on my last 39 women I have met in the past 10 months (not 40) and make inferences based on what has happened to me and what I have seen from my other friends who are single over 30, over 6ft, no kids, working, educated and living in the NY metro area. if you feel the dating situation is another way by you then thats your business I can only attest for my area and peer group.

  21. SBM its not letting me post my "essays" 🙁

    so Ill post these one at a time

    70% of black women are single
    http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200704/20070406/

    -more black women are never married than black men (shows we are trying but you are not)

    -According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate — 9.7 percent — than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.

    -60% of asian american women are living with a spouse but only 35% of black women are

    http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/m

    come my brothas let us go down to the sushi bar! first round of saki is on me!

    I did not make these numbers up so dont yell at me for them. I have also been off the dating/marriage market for the past decade so dont blame me as part of the problem either. t(hough currently I am trying to be part of the solution)

    the one thing I will say about the statistics (and you can yell at me for this) is that they are grouping "AFRICANS IN AMERICA" with black americans which is skewing the statistics to be better than what they actually are. africans to me seem to have a higher sense of family and especially marriage/partnership than blacks do. To me this may be the reason why more than half the "black" women I have dated recently are born outside of the united states. ALL of the black women I have been on more than 3 dates with have been foreign born (3 African 2 Caribbean)

    speaking of which I have a 3rd date with "miss Moscow" tuesday!!

  22. SBM its not letting me post my "essays" 🙁

    so Ill post these one at a time

    70% of black women are single
    http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200704/20070406/

    -more black women are never married than black men (shows we are trying but you are not)

    -According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate — 9.7 percent — than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.

    -60% of asian american women are living with a spouse but only 35% of black women are

    http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/m

    come my brothas let us go down to the sushi bar! first round of saki is on me!

    I did not make these numbers up so dont yell at me for them. I have also been off the dating/marriage market for the past decade so dont blame me as part of the problem either. (though currently I am trying to be part of the solution)

  23. -According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate — 9.7 percent — than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.

    -60% of asian american women are living with a spouse but only 35% of black women are
    http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/m

    come my brothas let us go down to the sushi bar! first round of saki is on me!

  24. -According to the 2000 census, black men enter interracial marriages at a higher rate — 9.7 percent — than any other racial or gender group except Asian women. That's twice the rate of black women.

    -60% of asian american women are living with a spouse but only 35% of black women are

    http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/m

    come my brothas let us go down to the sushi bar! first round of saki is on me!

    I did not make these numbers up so dont yell at me for them. I have also been off the dating/marriage market for the past decade so dont blame me as part of the problem either. t(hough currently I am trying to be part of the solution)

    the one thing I will say about the statistics (and you can yell at me for this) is that they are grouping "AFRICANS IN AMERICA" with black americans which is skewing the statistics to be better than what they actually are. africans to me seem to have a higher sense of family and especially marriage/partnership than blacks do. To me this may be the reason why more than half the "black" women I have dated recently are born outside of the united states. ALL of the black women I have been on more than 3 dates with have been foreign born (3 African 2 Caribbean)

    speaking of which I have a 3rd date with "miss Moscow" tuesday!!

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