When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

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Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

  • Watching TV
  • Playing Video Games
  • Cooking “too much”
  • Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
  • Working at their current job
  • Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
  • Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
  • Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
  • Going out with their friends
  • Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
  • Giving you great oral sex
  • Always wanting to give you great oral sex
  • Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
  • Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
  • Giving you head in the car
  • Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

  • Smoking in your house
  • Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
  • Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
  • Stealing from you
  • Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (“I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
  • Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
  • Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
  • Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
  • Smoking crack
  • Selling crack
  • Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
  • Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
  • Constantly trying to smell your dick
  • Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
  • Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
  • F*cking your sister … repeatedly
  • Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
  • Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.
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This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool