Home Submission “Gimme Gimme One More Chance”: SBM Answers

“Gimme Gimme One More Chance”: SBM Answers

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Sorry for that little hiatus. Besides the fact that there was just way too much going on … I also didn’t mention I was going to Puerto Rico for the past couple of days. I’m so relaxed now … so relaxed.

So, a faithful reader sent me an email saying:

Ok she was kicking it with a dude like 2 years ago, and some how the ex got hold of her phone and searched her current mates number and called it. The guy ended up breaking it off with her because of this phone call. She dunno what her ex said to him but she figure it was something along the lines of why you callin my woman type deal.

She really liked dude and til this day she wonders what coulda been. She feels like she didnt get a chance to plea her case about what happen and she needs closure but he wont return calls, or respond to emails. If you was him what would you do? would you give her a chance to explain. I mean I know females come a dime a dozen but this one mighta been a keeper and her ex fucked it up. Can you atleast hear her out??

Honestly, I don’t have no sympathy for the chic. Maybe its my Ice Cold demeanor … maybe its the lack of emotions … maybe its some deep seated misogyny … who knows.

See Also:  Reader Appreciation Week: A Deal Gone Wrong

Personally, the whole situation is highly suspect. How does your ex of 2 years get your phone? Why does he know the name of your current “mate”? What did you do to him that was so foul that he feels the need to call and warn this new person? How serious was your “situation” that he cut you off without so much as a “break up” call?

The whole thing reeks. I really don’t trust the girl as some innocent person and if whatever the ex said was good enough … then so be it. I am generally a firm believer of cutting people off. I am also a believer of cutting people off without an explanation if they don’t deserve an explation.

Sorry … but I guess your girl just didn’t deserve an explanation (and know the “She really liked dude” carries no weight)!

Comment(78)

  1. Lol…ice cold indeed.

    It's funny I went through a similar situation where a guy cut me off for something very dismissive that I did(my ass)…I was immediately crushed b/c I really liked him…I dwelled on that feeling for a while…now fast forward 2 months, we had a conversation about things and he admitted that he was not as into me as I was into him, it didn't make sense to me b/c his actions spelled otherwise, he also admitted that he got caught up in the moment and went with it probably leading me on, but when we fell out he realized that some chic in another state wasn't worth the extra hassle to him…he also said that he was mad about the situation and although winning was not logical, losing was not optional…niggas…so there are several things the girl on this post can go with…i would go with the "he's not that into her" approach…it's cool, it happens to everyone.

    But I can sleep better now knowing that he in fact did me a favor, he wasn't feeling me, he was leading me on b/c what we had felt good at the moment(mind u there was no sex)…the fantasy of us that I had held onto in my head quickly disappeared and we have been really good friends since with no sweat off my back.

    I do agree however that the chic was not completely innocent in this entire thing and should cut her losses…what she thinks she had with him probably doesn't align with what he knows he had with her…no man just throws away something good w/talking it out. She should just learn from her mistakes and keep it moving and maybe revisit 6 months down with a random call if sadly she still needs closure…everyone answers the random out of the blue call.

  2. Just my $0.03…..

    The way I translated her e-mail to you is:

    "I f*cked up. I started back sleeping with my ex and the fool got p*ssy crazy & ended up calling the guy I'm really attracted too. Now my new guy friend is not trying to hear me. My ex probably told him we were recently banging each other out…. how do I f*ck my ex occassionally while trying to establish something with this new guy?"

    LOL…I'm so crazy. But that's seriously how I think she meant to type that email to you. No man you have been apart from for two years with no sexual interation is going to set out to call another man about a woman that is no longer his unless the breakup is fairly recent. Two years hardly classifies as recent.

    Hmmmmm

    Sounds like dude wasn't feeling her "too much" to not let her explain. So I say she take the "L" on it and keep it moving.

  3. Mediocre women and slightly below average women in this day and age as a black man? just too easy to find them.

    When will women figure out honor and how much it means to men?? I gotta agree with you on this one SBM. If you know my name.. you have her phone and you feel strongly enough about your ex of 2 years ago that you gonna speak greasy to me on the phone (or warn me) I gotta be out. women are nefarious for having the "get away car" warmed up. she should have been less friendly with the ex and focused on her current.

    sounds to this reader like she feels "guilt" about the situation… closure is just another word for it.

    also remember… women like men who dont like them and for some reason they are elated to be treated like shit. a guy cuts them off cold turkey and all of the sudden their nipples get hard and they figure out they like him…. in hindsight…. more than they actually did. cuz if chick was REALLY feelin her man like that… the ex wouldnt even be in the picture. much less in the picture enough where he feels he has a chance.

    Ill lay down 20/1 odds that these 2 things will be true. her bed is NOT cold at the moment… and she still has contact with the "stand by nigga" … dispite him "messing up" her good thing for her.

    sounds hood to me batman… I was raised in the burbs I cant identify with this 🙂

  4. SBM it sounds like either the ex still has feelings for her and figure if he can't have her nobody else can and/or the woman was being double dipped…still fooling around with her ex while trying to build something with the new beau. Either way it goes she should have cut all ties with the ex unless she still has some unresolved feelings for him. Trust has been violated and you can't have a relationship without one. My advice to her is to resolve the feelings for the ex. If she's truly moved on, move on. Stop giving the ex false hope.

  5. I agree with Ms. Freckles, Fungke Blak Chik, and Shelia..

    There are pieces to this puzzle TOTALLY missing. And for a man to take a pass, its usually on the other side of crummy. lets be honest HNIC, men don't have the highest codes of honor ether albeit usually onesided and archaic, ie sexual partners she can count on her hands and toes, makes her a bit of a ho. But his sexual escapades makes him a ""well traveled" experienced man.

    If I was to codecrack this hard..I would say there are also boundary issues…since when is your phone open to random personal consumption. Also I say stick with "the ex"…it sounds like they might be birds in a feather. God knows what dude told the other dude, but even if it was horrid and a lie. My question then goes back to what home girl is ATTRACTING. If its the truth..the question is still the same. Maybe old girl should stay in her lane. When I start bringing in those types of above men into the fold, I immediately look at me.

  6. I agree with you SBM. All those questions you are asking is valid. How in the hell does your ex get your phone? Nope she doesn't get a second chance. Get your men in check.

    There is no reason your past should mix with your present. He must not be to much of an ex if he is still having access to your phone.

    I hate it for the ol' gal, next time handle your business before entering a new relationship. Lucky for ol' boy he got out before anymore drama started.

  7. Wow…well the readers here have a point, she was being all the messy in this situation and he should not give her another chance…she really needs to fall back if she wants any possible friendship to resurrect itself in the future.

  8. No… men still do care about their honor. your starting to confuse Honor with morals. which is why I never try to touch on the subject with women because its impossible for you to understand. but also like everything else… u can poke holes because itsa general not an absolute.

    but back to the girl. I agree with ya miss comeback. wit may be a class issue,I was thinking about that while I was asleep. Im only gonna give a gal with less class a shorter rope than someone similar. and as most "black people" know.. ya gotta separate yoself from being around niggas ASAP when they start to pull ish like this.

    I could see givn the broad a chance, but then once the viper rears its ugly head I would be like… "uh huh just as I thought" and be walkin out the door.

    I still say a combination of guuilt and regret is what made her "upset". prob was still lettin joe thug ex beat it up and let brotha with godjob slip away eh? I know… I know… its hard to take nice brothas seriously… its ok…you can cry on my shoulder.

    ya, another thing you guys are missing. males like NEW PUSSY

    nobody is going to go bonkers over Old pussy (not to be confused with pussy your using) they already had…. why ? because theres always so much more in the ocean. also the same reason black women are single. why am i going to work HARDER and put myself in more danger to get something I can et safer and easier someplace else?

  9. I am the gal in question. I do want advice;however, I do realize after reading some of the comments that parts of the story are left out (I mean, I didn't want to publish an entire book);however, the orginal problem is factual. So, I will resate it & add "the parts that are missing". My ex fiancee & I (of about 5 years) called this dude AFTER we'd broken up. His reason for coming over my house in the first place was to reconcile. I told him though that I didn't think it was a good idea because I'd started dating someone else (who I had feelings for). He asked me questions about the new dude (one of which was his name..I just gave him his first name). Being the honest person that I am, I told him (TOTALLY not believing that he'd go through my phone, look up his number, and call him espcially since nothing like that even happened before);therefore, I had NO reason to guard my phone as I left it & him in the room alone at times.

    As for the dude, we'd been dating several months (but not having sex because I'm kinda old school & don't have casual sex). Here's a question that I have…if he wasn't feeling me (like many people have suggested) then why would he bother talking on the phone and seeing me every day (especially if he wasn't getting any nookie outta the deaL)?

    Lastly, my bestfriend suggested that I try to reconcile with him. It wasn't my idea nor am I pressed about him;however, closure would be nice (although I sleep every night without it & will continue doing so). As the orginal post stated on the other hand, I do sometimes wonder what may have come of us.

    Respectfully your,

    Girl in question

  10. And btw…I am totally down to earth and my head is not in the clouds however, I am far from ugly & very independent (just FYI for the comment in regard to below average women). I"M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo not below average. Pics, proof of income & home ownership verified upon request..lol

  11. @hasani

    So I guess there is also honor amoungst thieves? to me honor and morals are inextricably linked, the before mentioned has everything to do with integrity (look it up) morals is also along the same code…what I think you are trying to say is that they both are relative. What maybe honorable and moral to some–is weak and cowardly to others. Or perhaps it is the internet that clouds the definition of both.

    This kind of behavoir isn't excluded to women. Actually what dude (to call and have a come to jesus with another man) would be seen as classically "bitchassedness".

    You lost me on your last paragraph because you could insert women and penis in part of the first statement-and the second too. To me its all about where you've been and your experience. Kind of like when you were a kid going to the same circus every year. It was exciting as a child… but a juggling midget is just a juggling midget or to be pc (little person).

  12. mystery gal in question, just from reading your comment it seems your ex hasn't moved on. Answering probing questions leaves it open to him to pursue and can be confusing to him–he probably feels that he still has a chance since you're so willing to give the information. Frankly, your ex doesn't deserve an explanation because he's an ex. You don't have to explain yourself to him. If you're truly moving on, do him and you a favor and let him go. Cut off communication.

  13. Ok let me insert my 2 cent my girl left out this was 2 years ago all this went down. An is pretty much old news. We was riding in the car and it came up and i said what ever happen to ole boy?? she was like u know I don't even know?? So thats why I got the bright idea to email him and see if I could play match maker again. Maybe he not mad no more? I am just trying to see what will happen because the sooner we can find her a boo the more we can focus on me finding a boo!!!

    I love my best friend!!

  14. @ Mystery

    I agree with Shelia. Boundaries..Boundaries…Boundaries. I can't see a man that I broke it off with doing a stop by, leaving him in any portion of my home to have a tete with another man on my phone. Five years is significant, it doesn't mean that he does "pop buys", drive buys, rings and go..whatever. I would leave him on my Christmas Card list, but I wouldn't be giving him open invitations to my house or my iphone. It really does beg the question "ARE YALL (ex-fiance) REALLY OVER?" REALLY? It really reads like ex fiance felt like what you did was nothing more than a getback situationship. Cause when its over…its OVER. You both wish each other well-cause that's how you get your blessings, not by cock blockin'.

    I still have more questions than answers. It had been months since your five year relationship with the ex…but was there any drunk dialing, sex going on? I haven't heard anything about closure with ex'ie poo but you want closure with a man you only dated for a few months but not several YEARS ? What are you doing (or not doing) that is making exie poo hang on for dear life ? I think you should know that good men can smell other "situationships" around you. new dude only needed exie poo to confirm that.

    Finally the above letter says somthing about kicking it with dude 2 years ago…honey I hate to tell you this…but if you ain't heard from a man in two years…um I don't think you gonna hear from him. Why not work on closing the chapter that just doesn't want to close and attracting a man who can appreciate the fact that you no how to end things well -giving the new man enough space to come in.

  15. Comeback I know it was two years but when you been single (off and on) you start to think about old flings, I mean lets be real I have done it, I think we all do especially when your surroundings start to look like slim pickings, and don't go on talking about who we surround ourselves with because we aren't hoodlums and don't go trying to holla at hood niggas and crazy ish like that. I mean to meet a good man is rare when your surrounded by hood dudes that want to sell drugs and do them…..

    fa real….

  16. the ultimate question is should he respond to her, its not about being disperate and all this other stuff. Its about should he allow her to give her side of the story period!

    ps Ms Freckles had it right the first time…

    now lets get the poll

  17. Mikki

    I have had some nostalgic moments…but they always come with a nice healthy dose of reality check. You can't really seek "closure" from a man whose been GONE for two years. It would be SLIGHTLY different if the pipeline was open. But it sounds like all pipes are closed.

    "Slim pickings" is negative talk in my opinion. Since there are slim pickings in MI-why not go with the surer bet (an ex FIANCE). That door doesn't sound like its all the way closed.

  18. Mikki, to be honest I wouldn't even care at this point. People change. He's possibly not even the same man he was back then and even if he was, men have a hard time to "forgetting" things that they think we did to them. Trust would be something leering in the back of his head and your friend really should move on and find a new "beau." There are some good ones out there–even in the midst of the hoodlums 🙂

  19. @Mystery and Mikki: Shit I'm all about timing…maybe the timing of ur ex's craziness was not what ole boy needed at the moment. I also have to agree with Comeback, usually if a man doesn't bother for 2 years he's cut his losses and moved on. I say indulge in the email though, I am living proof that no matter how mad a negro makes me as long as he didn't blatantly disrespect and he calls like 6 months down the line, I'm usually open to talking to him again b/c the feelings aren't currently present….and shit we all grow and mature, especially over time. But I don't hold grudges, does your boy? Oh and girl pay no attention to Hasani below average statements…it's just him on his soap box again…nothing to see here people.

    @Comeback: she doesn't need closure with the ex, apparently she left him…the leaver always has closure, it's the left who hangs on.

    @Hasani: Damn boy, I just read your post…I'm really trying Sani but dayum boy…you really don't like us.

  20. Okay, thanks for the opinions…the conversation is offically over as far as I'm concerned. Like Mikki stated, it was just a fleeting conversation that took place about him. So, we decided to throw a discussion out there. There's no need to judge or look too deeply into the matter.

    I will however say thank you to someone with the voice of reason (Teacia)…you (besides Mikki) are the only ones who seem to get it. The bottom line is…should he AT LEAST give me a chance to explain the situation. I am big on fairness and I would hate to think that his assumptions of the situation are completely inaccurate.

    As for him "going 2 years without contacting me"…WHY WOULD HE?! I don't deny the fact that it TOTALLY looked as though I was playing games. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be the one calling what I thought was the game player either!

    Lastly, I just would hate to have a regret about this…or the "what could be thoughts" but in either case, I do & will continue to sleep soundly at night. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?? He doesn't respond this time. And if that's the case, fine…no harm, no foul…right?!

  21. And yes…it's the ex that doesn't wanna completely let go…his been gone as far as I"m concerned

  22. Teacia: "she doesn’t need closure with the ex, apparently she left him…the leaver always has closure, it’s the left who hangs on"

    Teacia-Ms Freckles alluded to some sexual goings ons. Some men are cool with this. I'm reaching for what was discussed…I'm speculating that exie poo threw the sex in new dude's face. Out of sheer ego (screw morals or honesty) most men aint going for this EVEN given no sex with new dude being had.

    Closure in most cases starts and ends with your legs.

  23. Well, IF closure starts & ends with your legs closed..then I DEFINATELY have closure (case closed) cause they haven't been opened in quite some time..lol..however that still has nothing to do with the situation.

  24. By tomorrow (I'm thinking) however, our experiment will provide results. I'm anxious to see who's hypothesis proved to have merit. 🙂

  25. Comeback she did admit there was past flings with her ex off and on yes I mean they was engaged to be married they werent strangers, so when he did come over, she saw it as she always had an innocent attempt to make good with what they had and no they werent having sexual relations at the time this all went down not with new dude or ex. No legs was open. No one would have predicted he would try to sabotage a current fling even if he did want to hit it thats just wrong to do. and in my books he a hoe ass @#[email protected]@#. So anyways…………….

    Nobody is trying to let her off the hook in any way shape form or fashion. But I know me I will be damn if I let some one fuck up a situation im trying to create with a new man in order to get back with me. and like my girl said fair is fair and he should be willing to hear her out. Not point fingers because we all have done our dirt in the past

    Had it been me and I was being contacted 2 years later and I had nothing else going on (which he doesn't cuz i found out myself) then I would see no harm in actually listening to her. If im not feeling what she saying at that point the door will be officially closed. Again nobody is losing sleep. But I have been in constant email with this dude and im almost lead to believe he might after two years be more open and reasonable. We just want to find out, its been fun thus far.

    I am going to soon drop the bomb on him that she is in fact the one he should be talking to hopefully its doesnt blow up on either of us especially since I yes I was the one who opened up the can of worms to start.

  26. "As for him “going 2 years without contacting me”…WHY WOULD HE?! I don’t deny the fact that it TOTALLY looked as though I was playing games. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t be the one calling what I thought was the game player either!"

    well that settles that…you should call…..And clear it all up.

  27. Mikki, no need to worry about it "blowing up"..you know I'm a big girl & am not easily damaged (nor would I be if that was to take place). You were being a good bestfriend since I mentioned that I missed him & wondered "what if". You thought (like I did) that any reasonable person would hear me out in this situation. Keep bein' a good bestfriend & don't start feelin' bad about it! 🙂

    Luv ya

  28. I know Shelia..how exciting it's gonna be! Lol…no matter what, I"VE YET TO LOSE & DON"T PLAN ON LOSING ANY SLEEP…you only live once…don't have any regrets..that's how I look at it. It's better to tried & failed than to never have tried at all. Can anyone AT LEAST relate to that line?! lol

  29. @ Mystery yes..i felt this away about ground school. Getting pilot cert. Hell I'd love to learn how to sky dive. But going back and trying to fix what someone else thought about me two years ago??? I read the excitement. And I really do hope he hears you out and wants to rekindle something but also consider spending this time on knowing that there are only slim pickings if you want there to be. I'm also closer to 35 than I am to 25…so take that with a grain of salt from an old ass woman. LOL

    thats my closing remark.

  30. i emailed my brother from this board behind the scenes and told him the person in question would create a fake name and then post a half cooked up story to appear "classy", confused, innocent and a victim and the woemn would come to her support.

    god this is all too textbook.

    my orig point still remains intact. no dude is going to go "all in" for something he can get easier elsewhere. told ya there was something else to it and I still think theres more …. but its the internet so theres always a veil of half truth. come on, we will never all know eachother… let the whole story out. I have a hard time trying to belive that comeback and I are the only people on this entire board who have any flaws at all.

    I wouldnt say a man who is much of a supplicant as I am "hates" women. and I have a near dangerous fetish and inclination towards black women at the present moment which only lets the ones I encounter get away with more. Love the hell out of good black women.

    I just fuckin despise "trash","girls". (unless they have glass heels on and are sliding down a pole!) as well as the infamous wanna be spinsters of the world.

    stupid situations like this is why the marriage rate is so low…. ever think of that?

  31. comeback my darling. I miss hearing from you so. MY soul longs to be filled by the melodious canter of your voice. I am earnest in my offering of our date. I am as sure I want to see you as I am sure I want to see the dawning of another day.

    I can imagine this will be met with another salvo of venom, angst and hostility… but as always my stance will stay the same.

    poise

    but anyway my dear nemesis,

    as to the subject of a mans honor being synonomys with morals. oh hell no. I have said before its not realy something i can explain to a woman and its something you guys have to just not TRY to understand and let us be who we are with it.

    "honor amoung thieves" denotes to me that you have dated the wrong type of males. I am no thief nor brigand or scoundrel. I am an honorable and simple man just like my father before me and his before him. not perfect, still humanly flawed, but far from the likes of joe thug, shareef hood, jay player amd the "dillan mckays" of the world.

    As far as honor. ever watch the wire?

    there is a charachter on there called Omar. He carries around a shotgun and murders bullies shoots and kills without mercy. He has no morals what so ever. but if you follow the show theres a way he does things and expects them to be done. this is because he has a code and sense of honor thats important to him. its part of his being.

    now its not that severe with most men, but thats an extreme case to give you an example. we are hard to understand… yet we are so simple. just takes the slightest attempt to get to know us though 🙂

  32. "I have a hard time trying to belive that comeback and I are the only people on this entire board who have any flaws at all"

    Dear Hasani…when oh when did you admit to having flaws (save the al roker stuff)…and to your other point. People show you who they are, they don't have to tell you…its only up to you to believe them when they show you. Good night.

  33. good night my dear.

    When do I admit to being flawed? when do I claim to be perfect?

    I am out of shape, dont make much money and am barely above poverty line. I have poor spelling and a weird vocabulary according to most. Im ditsy and dimwitted. overly compassionate and overly trusting. non selfish or self preserving.. which is a flaw depending on whom you are speaking with.

    I got C's and B's in highschool and had a total GPA of 2.03 in college.

    I never made varsity wrestling. I was stuck behind an underclassman even as a senior.

    I lost 3 matches my senior year by the way… another flaw.

    I have moderate looks, not cute or handsome. Id even go so far as to say I am a 4 on a scale of 1-10 but my cat eyes make me a 6.

    I have failed in alot of my dates. if I was more alpha and richer and less nice I would have a score of black content women in my wake insted of dates that didnt work.

    MY scout troop came in 2nd at the derby last month.

    I havent been able to potty train my godson dispite him being 2 years old

    and most of all, Im 30 and not married and happy loving another and building a spot in my community. Thats the biggest failure of all. only thing more of a failure is those who think it is not.

    so yes my dutchess, I am pleanty flawed and could give a care about an internet personality thats pristine. I cant imagine anyone to take me as face value if I always claim to be flawless and cant admit I have wrongs and mistakes.

  34. LOL…man today was busy as hell…and I'm mad I missed this shit!

    @ Mystery: Girl don't even explain it, it's been 2 years…just send that email and spark up a conversation like ain't shit wrong. Now if he brings it up you can apologize but no explanation is needed. You are both grown and whatever WAS going on then should have no weighing on what's going on now. Go for the gold girl…life is indeed too short!

    @Mikki: One time for standing up for your girl…and good looking on the email…the only she can lose is…well nothing. Keep me posted on the end results.

    @Comeback: Why do you even bother to go back and forth with our crazy mental resident Hasani…and gurl he is ALWAYS outlining his flaws hands down.

    @Hasani: Lol…uhhhh, no self respecting women is going to want a man who whines and complains ALL THE DAMN TIME about his faults and his flaws. Yes we all have them, but dammit Hasani, leave some of that patheticness to the imagine. At least let a chic think you got this shit under control. Oh and you've officially lost all credibility in my eyes…I called it like I saw it last weeks…ur stars don't shine that bright…a 2.03 GPA…do better! And dude you can let urself off the hook with the godson potty training thing…that's not really ur defeat…it's more like his sorry ass parents who aren't implementing the nastiness of him continuing to take a shit in his clothes.

    Good Night All

  35. I think I love you guys & gals already & haven't had the pleasure of knowing you all for even 24 hours! LOL..you all tickle me! LOL

  36. BTW…just to keep me up to speed since I'm new here..tell me…are HNIC & Comeback sex buddies? Sounds as though there's A LOT of built up sexual tension there.

  37. Ha ha…Hasani wishes. He adores Comeback and I do mean adores…lol. However Comeback loathes everything he stands for and they are constantly calling one another out…with a little instigation from myself and SBM. Trust me, you'll catch on quick.

    Oh and welcome to the site…I guess I'll be the first to give the official welcome although I was the last one to join…slackers.

  38. You crack me up. I say I have faults and have no problem saying them… cuz I keep it real. u come on and then insted of saying y ouhave faults.. you further outline mine HAHAHAHA. you do know your not only dogpileing on top of the stereotype of the people on this board i just outlined… you also heavy on the black woman stereotype. I didnt make the stereotype nor did I make the statistics.

    I wouldnt go so far as to say I "wish" to be with miss comeback… but I would greatly want for our date to happen and I really want us to talk.

    Teacia: you can outline my flaws all day hun, the only stat that counts is not one… but TWO women have loved me longer than any relationship you have ever had 😉

    I must be doin SOMETHING right…… wouldnt ya think?

    at the end of the day loving and havin loved it all that matters in this negros book.

    not to toot my own horn… but dont you all on your blogs say you want a Tall, black man with no kids a loving heart a job, funny, dosent smoke drink or d drugs (yes not even the dro) , intellectual able to hold a conversation, charming but not a slut who puts his dick in everything, witty but not so smart he cant relate, who can and knows how to love and could love you and only you?? light eyes and being in shape gets tossed on top of that by the way. (except for my huge ass 🙁 )

    so in theory… why the hell do you nit pick at me when I am everything most of you "claim" you want?!!?!?!?!?!?

    it amazes me.

  39. LOL!!! Hasani u crack me up! Boy don't nobody on this blog care about how long you WERE in a relationship, the shit didn't last…and btw a girlfriend you had from 13-19 doesn't count…lol. And when you're 20 EVERYBODY settles…she just took a little longer to leave b/c undoubtedly you were spoiling her(i.e. putting her through medical school) and no intelligent woman wants to give that up, especially one who knows she's with a simpleton like yourself.

    She dogged your ass out…get it through your thick skull and stop trying to defend and even praise that shit. SHE DOGGED YOUR ASS OUT NEGRO…SHE USED YOU AND THEN SHE LEFT!!! Come on Sani damn, man the [email protected] up about his shit.

    Oh and I never have to outline your flaws, you do a decent enough job without anyone's help…lol.

  40. waaaaaaaait a minute. loving and having loved counts a whole lot. we wouldnt be on this blog if we werent single… hence the title. and my ex is twice the woman you will ever be, why would you say anyone used me? get your stories straight and stop watching waiting to exhale.

    fact still remains love is all that matters at the end of the day, if im so fuckin flawed in your eyes you need to look in the mirror cuz your not doing this dating and love thing HALF as good as I am. and

    yes 12-19 counts, anything counts. I tell ya what. love is more precious at 16 than it is at 26. at 16 all we know is we like this person. we dont know why and we think about them all the time. we dont have a chart and bar graph of his height to income ratio and what fraternity he had to have been in what industry he is in , what car he drives or any of the crazy whacked out criteria you women use to define who you will date these days. you were all so much simpler to love back then.

    if dating at 13-19 was so easy why couldnt you do it from 17-19??

    if everyone "settles" at 20…. what are you saying to mom and dad? grandma and grandpa? older cousins?

    Darlin taking a little longer to leave would be a month, if my ex at any point ever wanted to leave we wouldnt have gotten a house, and taken out mortgages together. talked about wedding plans and plan children. yes YOU CAN ACTUALLY PLAN CHILDREN. that shit is huge in your lives.

    Black "girls" are so bitter. just because I lived with a white woman she is automatically evil and dogged a brother out. dont hate because white women can do what god created you to do… better than your doing it (at this current time in our society… mad props to your aunts mothers and grandmothers for holdin shit down the past century)

    do we need to pint back at the topic to this conversation?! calamity like THIS SHIT is why we are all single….. err… well at least you guys are.

  41. "fact still remains love is all that matters at the end of the day, if im so fuckin flawed in your eyes you need to look in the mirror cuz your not doing this dating and love thing HALF as good as I am. "

    you may have me on the love thing all day, but the dating i have u beat with my eyes closed, guys not only want to date me but they can't let go of me once they start, hence all of the empty ass proposals(except a few)…u see how different that makes us. i can admit i was afraid to love with everything in me, afraid of losing what i loved just as you have and i guarded and protected myself from that, also robbing myself of the possibility of something great…i have since grown and changed and by summer's end i will commit to one of my suitors, someone i know i can take it to the next level with…choice is a beautiful thing Sani…beautiful indeed.

    "if dating at 13-19 was so easy why couldnt you do it from 17-19??"

    lol, not only did i do it and he was my first everything, i was also proposed to… he was my first fiance'

    "and my ex is twice the woman you will ever be"

    there you go with ur praising again…so sad mister…very sad indeed..and i truly doubt that one…i wouldn't string a man along the way she did.

    "you were all so much simpler to love back then."

    as were you…before you allowed statistics to emasculate you in everything you do…yeah, yeah i know they're the reality of a situation, but one thing i learned while studying statistics is that people allow them take control of their life only seeing the bad while feeling hopeless about the possibility of something better, something good…sound familiar?

    "if everyone “settles” at 20…. what are you saying to mom and dad? grandma and grandpa? older cousins?"

    oh yes sir, they most certainly did settle alot back then b/c their priorities were much different then than they are today…not saying that love didn't follow and that it wasn't deeper but struggle was a norm so today's traits didn't carry the same amount of weight as they do now.

    "Black “girls” are so bitter. just because I lived with a white woman she is automatically evil and dogged a brother out. "

    If she was a sister and dogged you out like the white chick did my stance would be the same…however I do find a little pleasure in knowing that your disloyalty has caused you grief and sent you on a wild goose chase to find the "perfect" middle class black woman(your words).

    "calamity like THIS SHIT is why we are all single….. err… well at least you guys are."

    uhhh, negro 45 dates later and ur still single and according to you they're not even interested anymore…get off of the high horse pleeaaase Sani.

  42. oh and after rereading my post, I want to clear up that I wasnt makin a slam on you being a single mother when I said yes you can plan children…. but I actually ment every other dig I put in the post.. so enough with that 😀

    Disloyalty?!?!?! I dont owe you women a god damn thing. the ones who are being disloyal are YOU guys. Middle class black men are forsaken and betrayed. you boast about proposals like they are trophies and accolades… LOVE and to love another is a trophy. how many times has a man you have loved as passionatly as he has loved you… and he asked you to spend his life with you? fuk.. how many times ever? THATS what matters. shit… why is everything a contest with you guys? always trying to either spout your pedigree or resume or 1up everyone else.

    Your a GIRL. your supposed to get more dates than me. its a sliding scale. Do this for me. tell every man you meet you have HSV and then tell me how many dates you get. why would you tell them that? well I would like to see how many men you are getting with your charm" when they arent interested in getting into your pants. hell any girl can walk into any club and come home with a guy. so no my dear you do not get extra credit for having a few guys (i dont care what their pedigrees are like) who want to hit it.?

    and yes this shit is why we are all single. because its being made too hard to love you. and we dont need joe thuug and jay player tryin to beat us in the head because you guys are lacking morality. we just want to be loved as mushy as it sounds. and you can look at any club … see any black men out with whitewomen? asian women? puerto rican or brazillian? NO? thats because WE ARE HOME TAKIN CARE OF THAT ASS.. THATS WHY!

    44 dates, most with middle class black females, and I am STILL out here lookin to care fo one of you suckas for the rest of your life. and will not stop tryin either.

    oh and I think your confusing miss may with my ex. hehehe one is a hot geneticists , african, dark skin, 4'10, 100lbs never laughed a day in her life……the other was a happy little valley girl american, white, 5'6 and lived together with me and all that jazz. not really close.. but I can see how u can make the mistake over the net.

  43. hang on… I just clicked on your name…

    If you woulda told me you were a hot dark skinned long haired sista to begin with we could have cut out half the fightin and just skipped to the make up sex 🙂

    I think the jets are playing the jags this year……

  44. on the single mother thing: none taken…i don't get offended about being one…derogatory title or not I carry it with pride.

    lol…ur just clicking on my page today…for the first time, lol…look at Sani trying to make light of a situation for a change…well i'll follow ur lead this time mister:

    awww, no mister…we don't play the jets this year BUT if ur just looking for an excuse to visit the sunshine state(where all of ur dreams WILL come true) then how about i just give leave you with an open invite. 😉

    …sliding scale my ass, i got skills…ain't that right SBM

  45. Its a sliding scale. so if I were to be in competition with you lets say… ilke I do when I go out with the women frommy social club. for every 2 number/business card I get you need to pick up 7 to keep pace…. as zepp said… "dems da rues"

    this also correlates into my stats. men are more likly to try out someone new which is why we are married on a higher rate… we so damn loveable. but to get a woman to agree to give you her number you have to be a baller…….

    men not only are loveable… but lets face it, average dude wants to smash…. average chick dont. that also makes it a sliding scale. so by my estimation… if its a contest… sani is spankin dat ass.

    seriously… I carry on and on about how I like dark chocolate and ong hair (yes Im a sucka for a good weave too) you wouldnt think like you could mention ONE time that you were Hot, dark had long hair and HUGE boobs? seriously, I dont understand you people.

    did I say I was a jets fan?err I mean … Im a BILLS fan. yup.. always loved that jim kelly. Im thinkin about goin on a few road games this year….

  46. Funny you should mention the Bills things…I'm a member of the BillsBacker fan club here in Duuuuuuvaaaal!…lol. I had a thing of Willis McGahee a couple of years back….mmmmm, yes sir.

    Okay Sani is spanking that ass in the "getting" dates game but Teacia is whooping up on him sumthing awful in the "keeping" them around game. I got dudes from back as 2 years ago calling for another chance…lol, and this is with them not even having come close to my goodies…I got the mental sex game on lock.

    And why would I encourage you to like me based on my looks…huh, I though character is a major driving point behind your theory of compatibility. Yeah yeah you find me slightly attractive, but you loathe my personality so why does the physical appearance even matter. Did my stock just split b/c i'm dark skinned, with a fat juicy booty for days…lol…you see, I'm not looking for that kind of attention which is why I have no ass shots in any of my pics either. And I didn't mention that I'm your "type" b/c you obviously can't stand me…although I love you Sani…lol.

    And how you gonna call me fat without even looking at my page…genuis *sighing*

  47. why the hell is yall going back n forth Teacia I thought we taught you better

    *holds head down*

    @ mystery girl your day pass has expired!!!

    sike welcome girlfriend, you see all this goes on, on the regular basis….

    good luck!!

  48. Mikki gurl you know me and Sani steadily do the back and forth thing…I think I can reach him yet…he'll be a better man when I'm done with him…lol. (j/k Sani)

  49. oh and Mystery girl…u gotta change ur name…u have nothing to be ashamed of…that negro will be lucky to be graced with ur presence 2 years later…well shit at least that's how I feel about the dynamics of men and women…lol.

  50. Umm R U serious? how can you beat me in the keepin them around cateory? i decimate everyone on this board in that category. Hell I have seen people meet, fall in love, move in, have children, get bored, cheat to upgrade, seperate… and start new relationships.. all in the time that I was dating my ex. Hell you had short hair last time I was single 0_O!

    theres a bit of seperation between stringing someone along and keeping them. trust me… as a guy, if your not giving him ALL of your attention, he is filling his quoat elsewhere and making you think your special. I got this monoomay thang on lock, cant nun yall niggaz touch this!

    and yes, your looks DO factor. and yes your stock does split since I am a sucker for chocolate.why? well as a great poet once said.. "its like that , and thats the way it is… huuh!"

    As for you being fat. I dont have to see you…. we were goin by the chart. your overweight by human standards… I dont need to call you fat, its already implied. I didnt make the chart so I get off on a technicality! so your fat.. look at me im skinny. this shouldnt stop us from gettin busy. Im a freak, I like you girls with the "boom"……..

    but anyway… mcgehee, you dont need him actually. Scientific research shows that women prefer tall men… just remember that. oh and Ialso hear that darker skin tone women greatly prefer men of lighter complexion then themselves. hey… I swear … i didnt…. umm … make that up

    so yeah you really may need to seek out such men….

  51. Teacia,

    My name came about because I was the "mystery gal in question" (with this situation). I'm not ashamed or embarrassed but if I change my name now, no one will know who I am..(not that many people know since I'm new) but I don't want to keep changing the s/n (but you can call me Nell, if you want to use a name instead).

    Mikki,

    I have been granted an indefinate pass by the moderator..lol..so never mind that my day pass has expired..lol. I'm here to stay

  52. @Mystery: mystery gal it is or you can just reintroduce yourself, it's been done before, HNIC used to be Hasani…he goes back and forth on his name depending on his mood. no sweat though.

    @Hasani: how long have u been able to keep em around in today's dating scene…things were much easier 10 years ago, not to diminish the accomplishment of keeping someone around that long but it is what it is…how good are you at today?

    and i know technically i'm supposed to go for the light skin tall guys but i'm actually a sucker for the chocolate as well. and as far as height goes i'm 5'2, so even at 5'10 Willis is perfect. light skin taller guys are really into me though, although being dark skinned has it's perks b/c even dark skin men love my complexion…color me lucky i guess. i do however like my men a little on the thick side, like 5'11 200 or 6'2 220…i like em cut and strong. it's a weakness of mine.

  53. dating may have changed but loving someone has been the same for a thousand years…. this is the way god created it and he will shal never be undone.

    speakin of which.. such a shame that I fit your type of man…down to the letter.. tsk tsk tsk. such a waste of time

  54. lol…whatever Hasani.

    SBM, where the hell you at man(you gon' make me use yo gov'ment name in a minit)…now ur being very neglectful to your readership. The weekend is over, Hasani and I can't carry this on for much longer, he's actually starting to like me(heaven forbid).

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