So with the last post, several people argued that there is never a real reason for you to take off your wedding ring.
What! Never take off your wedding ring? Thats craziness.
So as a young unmarried bachelor, I have looked into my future and come up with SBM’s list of:
When you can take of your wedding ring!
1. Its itching
This is self explanatory. Leave something on too long and the skin under it gets a little irritated. Let your finger breathe. Besides, if Meaghan Goode suddenly walks past me … I assume it would get really itchy and start to burn too.
2. Show someone the inscription.
Assuming you got an inscription from your love one on the inside, don’t you want your best friend to see it.
3. You walking through the hood and might be robbed.
Not just any hood … I mean its got to be the hood. Like where Thugnificent of “The Boondocks” is grew up. Like anything might pop off, the police moved out, and babies selling crack. She’ll be mad if you don’t come home with it.
4. Your about to get your finger sucked by a stripper.
Because its a stripper … its OK to get your finger sucked (she a professional. Is your husband gonna get jealous of your gynocologist?). But … not all strippers are to be trusted … so you might want to take of that platinum band before she wets your finger.
5. Your smacking an ass that isn’t your wife.
Here at SBM, we respect the sanctity of marriage. Therefore, if your gonna smack a random ass, perhaps the girl who rode up next to you on a bike while at Black Bike Week, you should respect the ring and not befoul it with the ass juice of another.
6. Your caressing a stripper’s breast.
Again, its a stripper so its not wrong, and same principal as #5 … don’t befoul the ring.
7. To prove you “still got it” to hating friends.
If any of you watched Martin, there was an episode where Tommy and Cole told Martin that the only thing attracting women to him was his wedding ring and that he couldn’t “pull em” like he used to. As a man, we have an obligation to prove our friends wrong no matter hoe dumb and pointless the challenge may be (had a friend who jumped through a campfire cause … well … another story). So he therefor took of his ring (and lost it) to prove to them he could still get women … which he did!
So there it is. If you are caught in photographs without a wedding ring, just refer to this handy list to quickly and easily justify the removal of said ring.
Any other reason’s you can think of? I know there has to be one I’m missing.
**Disclaimer**: This is a joke. Leave your wedding ring on peoples. Smacking Ass … lol.
HAHAHA…you are some kind of retarded, I didn't really think you'd make this the next post, but thanks for the morning laugh. My take:
1. Doesn't necessarily require a full removal of the ring, push it up an inch, rub the affected spot, and replace the ring to it's position. BUT, I'll allow it, only for the amount of time it takes to wash your hand. (BTW, it probably itches from the activities in #4 you heathen, lol)
2. Allowed…but for the record, you could just tell dude what the inscription says.
3. Again I ask, what the hell are you doing in that type of hood? Buying drugs? Looking to interview a crackhead? Disallowed! I gotta tell you, if you make it out of there alive and you come home without your ring on, UNLESS you were robbed, you're going to have a very difficult time explaining that BS to me.
4. First of all, don't ever compare a gynecologist to a stripper. A visit to the gyn is one of the single most unpleasant events of a woman's life and we derive absolutely no pleasure from it. And, for the record, you've got nine other fingers, let that yuck mouth heifa suck your thumb if you must let her invade your person with her other-man's-semen filled saliva. Disallowed!
5. Here again, you've got two hands, if you must use one to stir up some random hoes ass juices, choose the one without a ring…b/c again here's the scenario Her: "where's your ring" Him: "I took it off" Her: (crossing arms) "what for?" Him: "um….to smack this girl's ass" Her: "what the f*ck are doing you smacking people's asses" Him: "ummmmm"
6. See above….doofus
7. Another example of why men are retarded four year olds. As I said in the previous post, how about proving you still got it by having your wife feeding you, f*cking you, and shutting the f*ck up on a regular basis…now that's a man who's got it. Completely disallowed with a smack on the back of the head!
Dear God I am laughing so hard at these responses! I was looking for a post about men who take off their ring (because today's topic is about cheating) and found this.
THANK YOU Bree!
You put my comments down for me in your comments; SBM is inhaling too much expensive gasoline fumes…lol.
LMAO at Bree's comment..got to love all of them.
Some cases that SBM for got to mention:
8) You are playing poker, black jack, dominoes..etc…where there is some form of betting..and you know you will become deranged and crazy believe you have a winning hand..and might bet your wedding ring if you left it on.
9)You are a health professional, and will be apart of a surgery..therefore, having a ring on your finger would be a danger to a patients health.
10) you have to take part in a hand commercial for some kind of product, and the director requested that you removed your wedding band.
11) you are about to get in a fight, and you do not want to damage your wedding band from punching somebody
Umm…if th ring is REAL and it's quality…it's not going to bend from punching somebody. Also, if you are grown enough to be married…YOU ARE TOO GROWN TO BE FIGHTING unless your life depends on it!
hahaha Ms. Freckles is so right, what the hell are you doing fighting? And by the way…surgeon's wear gloves.
Interesting post considering the tone, and content of SBM.
I can think of a few other situations in which you'd take the ring off.
1.Getting a massage/manicure
2.Getting the ring professionally cleaned/polished
3.Throwing it at your spouse in a fit of rage, or in an argument.
I am so unentertained by the sheer ignorance in this post SBM…please do better in the near future. *yawning*
I was almost getting mad because I thought you were serious….mmhmm!
@Teacia: She basically said what I was trying to say in a nice way…….T
LMAO! Can we all agree…..NEXT BLOG PLEASE! lol
I know this wasn't a serious post, but here is one serious reason to take off a ring: when working out. When bench pressing 315 lbs or deadlifting 495 lbs with a barbell with a knurled pattern for your grip, you don't want to damage the ring.
HAHA… this shyt was funny. I like the stripper is a professional.. haha. I remember that for the next big party I see my married friends at.
@SBM: You are so *special*. I am going to let you slide on this post. Those are funny reason, but would definitely get you put out of my house…lol.
Hey where's Hasani? My dear sweet Nubian King wherefore art thou?!?!?!?
@ Teacia: We have had a few regulars that are MIA… Hasani, Comeback, Mikkil, Mystery Gal, and I don't think I saw Anti yesterday. Whats up with that?
lol! this post is just an excuse to get the ring off the finger
Ms. D: Comeback, Mystery, and Mikki are boycotting the site after the last fallout…lol. Anti is always MIA, but this is a first for Hasani…unless he's actually sleeping for a change since he works nights…oh and u know he hits the gym hard on Thursdays…I think he has body sculpting or something like that.(taking this info from his posts…lol)
@Ms. Dev: I am hurt that nobody has been missing me. I have been down with SBM since he had 2 readers back in..oh..late 2007!!! Respect is due!! LOL!!!!
I have been commenting as much but I have been reading..Ya'll is funny as hell..
@Tiffany In Houston: I am sooooo SORRY! I miss you!!! It has gotten crazy on here lately. Welcome back, your loyality to SMB is recognized…lol
@Teacia: 'boycotting' are you serious?…NOOOOO I won't believe it. They are just busy, yeah that's it busy. Come back everyone we are a family. * cue the music* "We are a family"…courtesy of dreamgirls.
Ms. D: Ummmmm…let them be gone please. Yes they made a joint decision to leave the site "for a while"…Comeback was all on Mikki's page apologizing for being so mean to them on the mystery girl blog SBM wrote…lol. I still don't know how I became the target considering how nice I was on that blog, but oh well. Anyhow, enough running my mouth for one day…if she can do "research" on me, the same can be done on her. I think it's quite funny actually, things have been a lot more civil here without all the venimous hate…and more people are responding…there's actually a dialogue and not a no holds bar fight, who would have thought.
Hasani on the other hand just may be missing his beloved Comeback…lol. *i love you too Sani…damn*
@Hadassah: I don't really plan to actually need a reason … but figured I'd help the rest of the world out.
@Teacia: You finally ran Hasani off. Damn, maybe they were right …
@Tiffany: I just said I missed you. How could you ever question such a thing!
@Ms. D: Yes. I was informed, an official boycott. And its SBM. Who is SMB?
@B. Price: Welcome back, and realy valid points.
@YBL: You officially have had the best additions thus far.
You just want someone to pick on "SMB" and it's not going to be me. Maybe Hasani followed his love…you know he has a thing for rejection…lol.
It's probably the reason I ain't married now.. but I hardly ever wore my wedding ring. Because my fingers swell after 1pm…or maybe it's 9am…whatever, all I know is that the ring was very uncomfortable.
Budda…my man betta neva take off that ring, nahmean SON! 🙂
@SBM & Teacia: I am disappointed and shocked about the boycott that is sad to boycott your own. That doesn't make any logical sense. All over opinions…really now? Did no one not hear the sonn we are a family? My goodness Oh well another broken family in the black community.
Sorry SMB was a typo. Anyway back to our regular scheduled blogging…sigh
Cant we all just get alone…cue Kum-b-yah song 🙁
Ms. D: Apparently we can't all get along…it's just the way the world works. The problem was the lack of respect on here that took place…granted I am just as guilty as most. I have the tendency to start a heated debate, but I generally AT LEAST attempt to understand where someone is coming from while interjecting my opinion. Somewhere in the midst of things over the past week or so that concept was lost…for reasons that are obvious that I won't outline.
Outside of Hasani(sorry mister but damn) I attempted not to disrespect anyone, but I kept being attacked and for what…b/c I have different beliefs and views, b/c I'm a little more liberal with my actions…well that's who I am. I'm going to be honest and I'm an optimistic person, negative energy annoys me and consumes me all at the same time. I'm no victim in all of this…actually I lack the passiveness to be anyone's victim. I get slick at the mouth and I say things for entertainment purposes also to get a rise of out folks. But the level of arguing that was going on here was draining everyone and frankly I'm glad that it's over.
@ Teacia… Well so ends the story. I guess we just keep it moving, cause its like that sometimes…*sigh*
Back to you SBM…
Sorry SBM for getting off the post, I was just wondering what happen.
@ Breelicious-although surgeons do where gloves, they have about a 15 min scrub in prior to entering a sterile environment, where they will have to remove their ring and any other jewelry. One a scrub in is done, they are not allowed to touch anything, a nurse is there to put on the gloves for the surgeon…so no ring for Mr. Surgeon.
@ Ms. Freckles and Breelicious- now we all know that people get married at a variety of ages…and we also know some people act a fool when its unnecessary. I went to a new years party that was hosted by my older brother's (he's 31) friend, and a serious fight broke out over someone stealing a bottle of Hennessey. Plus gold is a soft metal and it can dent and scratch
@ SBM: lol thank you..
4 and 6 could be combined…2 is sweet..awwwwwwwwwwwwww
my ex took his off to wash our cars…put them in the cupholder and they were stolen *idiot*
I've taken mine off for manicures before..
oh yeah and while giving head 1) so juices wouldn't get in my diamonds
and 2) so my strokes wouldn't be interrupted by my bands…hmmm what else??
@GeeGee: I missed you so much. Its like a reunion. All these old faces. I think I'm gonna tear up.
And you took off the ring to give better head … and why couldn't we make it work before … *sigh*.
@YBL: I was thinking the same thing. Some people get married at 19. At 19, damned if I was gonna let someone scuff my new White Forces or spill a drink on that new t-shirt my broke college ass had to save up for and just … walk away!
jk … don't fight people
@Teacia: Leave Hasani alone. Can you just be nice! Not going through shutting down the comment section again over no bullsh*t.
@Ms. Dev: I mean part of the family is missing. It pains me that they felt the need to band together as one and boycott the site, but … it has brought several people out of hiding … but they will be missed.
@YBL: I knew surgery was a valid reason. Learned so much.
@Everyone: I knew there were some valid reasons out there. I think the fight and the surgery are possibly the best too … possibly.
The author uvazhuha! Here's how to write blogs must! Everyone stands to learn, boys!