Sadly, I found myself participating in a cardinal sin earlier … I was watching BET. Luckily, it wasn’t the usual videos of no substance, poor man’s black version of hit MTV shows, or midget devils popping out of toilets (although I do love “Hell Date”). Instead, they actually had gathered some rappers, Black PhD’s, tv “celebrities”, reverends and whatnot, and attempted to have a series of discussions about men & women in the black community.
Amongst this group … “Deelishis”, winner to Flavor of Love Season 2, was on the panel (for some odd and strange reason) and she made a very memorable quote … here is my attempt to paraphrase:
“We [women] were going for those good, honest, church based men … but then we found out they lie and cheat like all the no good ballers and players … so its like … why not go with the money if their going to lie and cheat anyway”
WWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWW (*said in Flavor Flav voice and look of shock*).
I guess she just gave justification to any and all women who date for money … the golddigger.
So … obviously I have a lot of problems with this statement and it has also earned her a permanent place on my “buckethead” list. Rarely does someone sum up such a ignorant and destructive mindset in so few words.
Why is it that all men have to be liar and cheaters? Why is her world such a cold and lonely place that there are no good guys out there? Why did she think she would find love with Flavor Flav (thats the real question)?
For anyone who subscribes to this philosophy or knows of anyone who subscribes to it … swiftly smack them in the face (kill yourself if its you). I’m going to take a page out of a the “book of Comeback” and say (this time) your gonna attract what your worth having. Its not a problem with men … its a problem with your men … which means its a problem with you. Stop slumming … do better.
Am I right?
oh finally a post I can actually comment on!!
Hey you dont gotta look no further than HERE to see the justifications women will make for money. I think it may have been comeback (sorry if it wasnt) who was trying to break me down based on the fact that I didnt make enough money, but her statement was your not successful enough at your job and ambition is what makes a man. so even after I pointed out that I am VERY high rank wise at my job, especially concitering I am dumb block headed brute who came from the loading docks the translation was pretty clear… niggas dont make da doe son!!
I had a date tonight… actually three this weekend. I figured since two of the women I had a date with were friends I could actually experiment with the lesser looking one (yes Im an asshole) The one I went out with on thursday (and friday and saturday but thats another story) was the very rare white chick from a well to do area, but raised as a total hippie so she is a 100% idealist, volunteers, works with the poor ect. So obviously not a gold digger. buther sidekick? Typical Channel wearing, Gucci sunglasses having, sex in the city line quoting, its 94 degrees outside and my girl comes to the date with a pants suit and a halter top.. type of gal. It was amazing seeing her lean in as I spoke about what stocks I had and the spot I had at my job and my climb up the ladder. Only to see the whole thing spiral away when I said I make 15 dolla an hour and was going to have problems when my 1982 honda civic broke down finally!!
Nearly jumped out of the room. I went from McDreamy to "dat nigga ova there" and think I have now been religated to friend she wants to go out to club and lounges with. money was the only thing that changed in the conversation, I was still the same guy as the first two hours of the date.
I know words will be kicked around like "stability" and "common interest" and someone will even be stupid enough to use the bible and say a man is supposed to be the provider or some silliness like that. but it was just rather heartbreaking to see how actually income has such a strong line on how a person can think.
And when it really comes down to it do us single black men have the same shallow line we draw? I think it was me who was dating Target working girl and girl with 2 kids. as men we just care about getting a good woman.. where as a ton of our sistas look for a man thats going to be a baller and afford them a fabulous lifestyle.
3 dates this weekend (for those who care)
No blonde hot black chick never got her number since she was mad I was "playing in the snow"
Hippiegal was the girl who chased me out of the mixer to give me her number last week. Went to Bennigans for drinks one night and invited her to my friends cookout the next day. yes TWICE in one weekend. Got a kiss on the first date so I assume she is interested, but then again wtf would I know?
I also had a date sunday that I described above.
but "the kicker of the weekend?
Miss Alaska" saw me the same night and gave me a call on Saturday night. She was pissed at me for talking to the two white girls as well and after cussin me out for an hour on the phone sent me a text to "drop by if I wasnt busy later on"
so I guess I have now broken my drought of not hooking up with an american born black woman since being single. yes a mixed woman counts as black in my book damnit its been a long time!!!
Alaska was made a state in 1959 by president Eisenhower so it still counts. do I get to count as being more "down" now that I have felt the warm embrace of a sista now?
I flip past that panel show on BET last night – – – but chose not to watch it. I would have to agree with you SBM; you are who you attract. And I'm convinced she didn't go on that show to find "love"…she went on the show to get publicity and recognized so she could start up that jeans company and cut her first album, lol.
Well I watched it when it aired last weekend and it was Hip Hop vs. America 2:Where has the Love Gone?
And I have to tell you there was some serious debate, and I do mean serious debate on the race relations and gender relations within our community. For the most part I understand her statement. I dated a guy who lied about having 5 kids, which I found out about one by one over a 8 month period, he was broke ALL the time, and even cheated. So I feel her, if you're going to have do deal with the headaches of that nonsense then why not get a shopping spree here and there, a trip somewhere or the opportunity to be "blessed" by the man who's affection you seek.
Do I practice this, not necessarily…mostly men with money are attracted to me so there's never really been a choice needed. But I do believe there are a lot of handworking men out there who don't lie, cheat and steal…and they aren't rolling in dough. But I also can't hate on the chic who's tired of getting played…although I do believe she's attracting the energy, I still understand her decision to "date up" if she has to deal with bs all the time.
Hey, it has the same correlation as interracial dating…men cite the "angry black women" excuse all the time when they want to "date out"….why can't we cite the "niggas ain't shit" excuse when we choose to "date up?"…it looks like another one of those double standards wouldn't you say.
That's what you get for watching BET.
Now, personally, I understand the whole concept of working up the ladder, yeah, I did that straight out of college, but I'm a 31 yr old women, with 3 houses, cars, stocks/bonds, impeccable credit and YES, I want a man with the same thing. And that doesn't make me a gold digger. B/C I have my old 'gold'.
Have I dated men who were not 'there' yet. Yes I have. But guess what, I never will again. I don't know how many times I'd had to tell certain people, "No I will not lend you money". I've never had the gall to ask a man for money, so I don't expect that from a man.
Yes, I will split the bill, pay the bill at a restaurant, go half on a vacation..etc..etc..but I refuse to hand over my wallet & that's my experience from dating the 'not there yets'.
Those women who are paper chasers, usually only come across the "Fools Gold" men. They flash and floss, but still live at home in their mother's basement. And those women also rarely have anything of their own.
In regards to cheating, men will cheat regardless. With or without money. All I can say to Deelishious and her pigeon commentary is, "hoe sit down".
Why is it that all men have to be liar and cheaters? Why is her world such a cold and lonely place that there are no good guys out there? Why did she think she would find love with Flavor Flav (thats the real question)?
I really do feel this is a valid point too. I seem to constantly get blamed for stuff that fathers, uncles and joe thug have done. like constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and me be an asshole, when Im not. but when you arent, they almost dont know how to act.
I have a theory that since we are a race that has grown through strife, the only way we know HOW to do things is under such conditions. notice how we are always waiting til the deadline to get something published? notice how we wait til the day of to book that appointment? Like.. they call it CPT.
Well perhaps its ingrained that the only way certain types of women can feel normal in a relationship if there is a certain amount of strife or something she has to work for. Even women on this blog have said they like a man thats slightly out of touch and not there infront of her all the time.
Goes back to what I also said before… girls thought Brandon was cute, but all the girls dated and slept with Dillan. George clooney is a sex symbol but al roker just hosts a corny TV show.
so the simple type guy or nice guy seems to finish last with these type of women because they almost NEED to be working towards something to feel it is worth their time.
if your picking your mates based on income….
by deffinition your a gold digger.
gold digger noun
A generally attractive person who seeks out relationships with sugar mommas or sugar daddy for monetary gain. A gold digger can be a female or male. It is often a mutually opportunistic relationship: the rich person gets sex or companionship and the GD gets money.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) – Cite This Source – Share This
1. a person who seeks or digs for gold in a gold field.
2. Informal. a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material
American Heritage Dictionary – Cite This Source – Share This
A woman who seeks money and gifts from men
a person who associates money as deterring factor in selecting a mate.
Dosent matter where you like to hang out at… dosent matter if you "got yo own chedda"
by definition your a gold diger if love or attraction is not the determining two factors of your mate selection process.
as the great philosopher Darryl McDaniels once said in one of his greatest sonnets..
"its like that,and thats the way it is….. huuuh"
I'm not one for the tit/tat via comments, but I will say this.
My grandmother always told me that in order for two people to work out, they have to be equally yoked in all aspects of LIFE. Spiritually, Mentally and FINANCIALLY.
There's a difference in soley dating a man for their $$$…when the other person doesn't usually have a pott to piss in, then dating someone who is on your same playing field. Sorry, but NO, I'm not going to date the mail clerk in my office or the cashier at the Dollar Tree. No, I will not date you if your credit score is equivalent to your shoe size and you're still living in your mother's basement. No, I will not date you if you have 3 baby mommas and child support payments in the arreas.
I don't ask for anything I can't bring to the table myself. Plain and simple.
Don't listen to Hasani…he hangs out at hospital socials to bag doctors…and last I checked they made 4 times as much as he does.
…so in this case it's the pot calling the kettle…Sani baby DO BETTER!!
Teacia: Hmmm you wound me deep with that one. I dont have a retort to say I am not a gold digger, but I dont think I never said I wasnt one. But if you are shallow enough to be one.. lets be real here and be man and woman enough to admit it. its like… the internet and stuff. you dont REALLY gotta front since we wont ever be in eachothers lives … LOL
Im poor and I admit as much
Im single and I admit as much
I like women who are stuck in labs all day and appreciate a simple loveable guy when they get out… besides labcoats and bifocals on a 30 year old woman are so fukin sexy… and i admit as much.
but is it right to plot on someone based on income? of course NOT.
is it shallow as all hell? Of course it IS.
does it make you a gold digger? Well by deffinition…. YES IT DOES.
Well speak for yourself…my grandmother is 6'1 and my grandfather is 6'7…both worked hard seperately and then together…they both have several degrees, even though back then it was unheard of, they BOTH went to college and raised children..and guess what…MY GRANDFATHER cooked and clean. What can I say, some people choose to be evolved back then, some didn't. So I'm sorry your grandfather didn't pull his weight. They raised their children to never accept 2nd best and guess what? It was passed down on to their grandchildren. Yes, we're all a bunch of Type A over achieving personality people, but we got what we have from hard work. My family isn't full of statistics. We're full of accomplishments, accolades, awards, medical/judicial/military achievements.
Big deal…a ski lodge. I'm not trying to one up you, but let the record show, that I chop my own damn wood in my backyard. I'm 5'10 1/2, a former college athlete, and still can run with the best of them on the court… and can carry my own weight regardless. If I sat around for a man to 'chop wood', my fireplaces would look bleek every winter.
I'm sure you'll find someone who'll be happy with your $15.00 an hour, but it's not going to be me. But keep on scouring the E.R. maybe a nice nursing assistant will catch your eye 😉
So you're a gold digger huh…now that's a good look on a man.
Are you asking me if I'm a gold-digger…by the definition listed above oh most certainly. I've been spoiled, plain and simple. I am used to certain treatment, can I give it up for love…ABSOLUTELY. Do I go out and look for the "gold"…no. Does it seem to find me…yep. Am I complaining that the men I date can/will do things for me…of course not. Do I plot and plan and attend functions specifically related to a certain income bracket…not anymore…lol. Am I pleased that my current starter has a relatively comfortable income…yes siree. Does that make me a gold digger…absolutely not. It only makes me a women who enjoys feeling a sense of security that my man can provide if need be.
You on the other hand are a man who is supposed to be providing that sense of security…and it is NEVER okay for a man to hang out at socials to bag a woman with more money…NEVER…under any circumstances…sorry. If you meet a chic and she happens to make more money then so be it, I don't see the problem there…but you're actions are a bit…ummmm, bitchassness.
no justification for lazy folk
who dont take care of themselves
well said rawdawg.
On the side note as predicted… and as sterotypical of todays black woman…
one says the famous quote
""You on the other hand are a man who is supposed to be providing that sense of security""
amazing…. then I will somehow be blamed for "degrading" all of black woman, when its just a select few who shoot themselves in the foot and carry on stereotypes.
you should be ashamed. Your the only race in the WORLD and the only race in the history of the god damn earth to out earn your male counterparts (excluding CEO's) in your society. but somehow dispite being having the lowest married rate, latest married age, highest single mother rate and as a couple we have the highest divorce rate… you still feel that your doing things the right way??? Amazing… I wonder what would happen if we did it the other way, because shit obviously cant get any more fucked up than it currently is.
funke. Bully for you and yoru ONE set of grandparents who were both somehow the same size, muscle mass, emotional , educational, and financial in prowess…. unfortunatly you are not and your family is not NORMAL by american… hell your family isnt normal by HUMAN evolutionary standards, thus disqualifying you from the conversation….
"Miss may" was 4'11 and 104 lbs. I am about 6'2 220. was is supposed to make sista carry her 50lb suitcase that literally weighs half of what she does? you all bring seperate assets to the table, at the end of the day its about a ballance. but this BULLSHIT that a man is "supposed" to carry the financial burden is the most idiotic mode of thinking ever.
oh by the way funke.. if your 5'11 and athletic and from jersey……
we may have to talk later, Ima come out of "playing in the snow" and "play in the trees" 😉
Oh would you like for me to touch on the paternal set of grandparents, who immigrated to this country from Ireland with hardly a nickle to their name? Who BOTH managed to work their way through hardships? Starting their own business despite it being burned down 3xs b/c of racist people in their town? Do you realize the Irish were considered the "n*ggers" of Europe and were also treated as 2nd class citizens in the U.S. They too also managed to raise sons and daughters TOGETHER despite their challenges. Ran a successful business, attended college, changed diapers.
So when my father & mother met, they were both headed in the right direction separately and were standing on equal ground. My father has a saying, "Never accept any wooden nickels from people". It didn't make sense as a kid, but I completely understood it once I reached adulthood.
As far as your 4'11 chick, no, she doesn't have to carry luggage, have her carry the carry-on bag. Pretty simple.
Nah, you can keep on playing in the snow….no need to come out of cold for me 😉 This tree is being well taken care of.
*sighing* oh Hasani…just when i think there is hope for you yet…
…yeah well don't get mad that women see men who look for financial security in a woman lame…it is what it is. it's not a stereotype sweetie, it's a reality..and it spans across ALL races alike. we like to feel safe and secure in our relationships…granted it doesn't take a man rolling in dough for most of us but it most certainly doesn't hurt. however we do not think it's a good look for a man to scour social events in the hopes of snagging a highly paid candidate as his mate…lol…not a good look at all.
so you can point to your statistics and the truths that hold dear to your heart but it doesn't change this reality. women like men who can provide for them. and look up this statistic while you're at…what's the number one cause of divorce in this country…let me help you out on your search…MONEY.
but hey…you have your opinion on this and i have mine…and please stop bashing people b/c their view doesn't align with yours…if her grandparents are equally yoked you can't get mad at that. a lot of people's parents and grandparents came from similar backgrounds…do better Hasani.
Funke, ok so once again, your disqualified from conversation based on your superior storybook esq bloodline.
Its not a good thing.. its not a bad thing, just 99% of our… err MY society…err the HUMAN RACE… dosent have that unrealisticc and over dramatic upbringing… so while its super for you and would win us a pulitzer if we decided to write about it…. it still dosent apply to this conversation and STILL by definition dosent exclude you from being "a gold digger" nor does it exclude anyone else who seeks a man based on financial reasons..
OK Ima put back on my mittens and get out my skis (swoosh)
Teacia: Yes money is the most common cause for divorce… and getting shot is the most common way of dying in the hood. and more of our black children are being raised by single parent homes.
THAT STILL DOSENT MAKE IT THE RIGHT FUKING WAY.
Holy hanna! what kinda society are you creating?
people get divorced now because of money, thats not a good thing you silly goose its a bad thing. dont preach to others that its a good thing to look for monetary gain when looking for a mate, its just the wrong thing to do.
let me level with you for a sec..
I have money.
You have a killer bedroom body.
I bring my asset which is money to the table and because of my assets I am on par to date your body.
But my money will only grow and compound with time… your body aint even as fine as it was 5 years ago.
so as my assets grow, in theory I should be awarded with a newer younger and hotter body than the one you not only have TODAY but most def than you will have in 10 years.
not only that, but you have to look how many market shares are out there. Since what I am selling is more in demand that the the current value of your assets, why would it make any sense to have a merger? more men than women means the men shal have to marry up and the women should in theory be marrying down after the age of 24 in the black community.
so since it would be a bad business decision for any man with money to date you… by YOUR rule.. not mine… you and anyone else like you should remain single.
because you wouldnt want a man who would make a bad business deal now would ya miss gold diggah 😉 (puts points on the board)
Storybook? Please, it's not even like that…and what qualifies me is that for most of my career I've worked in a line of work where I've seen the women who chase 'fools gold' and the men who have gotten locked up looking to perputuate certain stereotypes to obtain their 'riches'. So I know all to well about society's woes. Just because it hasn't happened to me, doesn't mean I can't speak on it. I don't devalue anyone's life experiences, it's all relative to each individual, I have friends from all aspects of life. Friends who have had tougher upbringings, who didn't let that disauade them from achieving certain goals. Then on the flipside, I have friends who were handed things on a silver platter only to snort it up their noses and now have NADA. I worked hard for everything I have. My parents supported me up until I was 17, after that you were on your own to fend for yourself.
So how does it feel to be a gigolo? If it's not a good.. "thing to look for monetary gain when looking for a mate, its just the wrong thing to do", why are you scouring the ER? Sounds like gigolo'ish activities to me.
Hasani people are getting divorced because of money problems, because they married for love and not common sense…also meaning they aren't equally yoked. they don't have similar spending and saving patterns. times are just too hard to see it through anymore, and while i may agree that bailing out isn't necessarily the best answer, things would have been a lot easier if they discussed their money habits and expectations beforehand. so why date a man who can't carry his own weight if you're holding your own quite nicely. why bash women who want a man who can maintain their lifestyle if something happens to her income…you gotta always be prepared, so why not choose a mate who can actually contribute.
and the human race has a remarkable history…i was watching this special on Oprah where people were exposed to their family tree…one of the people highlighted was Chris Rock…his great great grandfather was a Colonel for the Union, he owned 64 acres of land, he ran for a Senate seat and won, his grandmother was of similar strength and perseverance, she aslo achieved immeasureable goals for one back then, yet alone to be black as well. I only outline this to point out that our lineage isn't as unbalanced as you would like to believe. People of liked minds, interests, backgrounds and goals tend to gravitate to one another and have done so for centuries…so you can't get mad because women who are well off don't want a man who's comfortable enough with living off of that wealth and providing "love" and a possible meal here and there. it's just not a good look Sani baby.
Equally yolked and our grandmothers would have NEVER been with our grandfathers. I dont know about you guys, but my fathers parents were born here in america and back during the 1940’s women didnt make the same as men. So if your grandmother told you that men and women needed to be equal in ALL forms…. she may have been from another country or culture.. but then again I cant name a country or culture where a grandma made as much as a grandpa…… hmm
My grandpop couldnt cook or clean… I highly dobut my grandmother expected him to do his equal share of laundry and prepare sunday meals for the kids.
I am physically twice the size of miss ER, perhaps when we went to the ski lodge I should have made her be equally as yolked as myself and move the 700 lbs (yes with two 0’s) worth of firewood with me since we should be equal in “all” aspects.
My godmother cries alot and is soft. She is over dramatic and a worry ward. My godfather was stone cold, a mans man, never rattled under any type of pressure, and never shed a tear in his life. when moms would cry because she had a bad day at work… insted of hugging her and saying baby it will be ok… perhaps his equally yolked emotional seld should have yelled at her and told her to shut the hell up?
Might I also add that my godmother is a doctor and my godfather worked on an assembly line at the Ford plant….. so thats an MD and 200k a year vs a GED and 37k a year….. best marriage I ever saw, but perhaps being in love shouldnt have been in the cards because he decided to work at the Ford plant to put her through school??
once she got out of med school that should have been an annulment right”? cuz they arent equally as yolked?
HOLD IT! Is this scienece?
Totally agree with you thur its a problem with her. You are what you attract.
"why are you scouring the ER? Sounds like gigolo’ish activities to me."
EXACTLY, I'm stuck in the wild wild south west….but let me just say this Hasani, you are so disingenious and you have amnesia about all you write. WHAT MONEY DO YOU HAVE to even make a logical assessment and conclusion based on a woman's gold diggerish characteristic. 32K up from 16K and "not being qualified for your unix job" while also being a serious "journalist" whose work occassionally "appears on the back of a game" (of which you have no front or backend compensation) is not going to cut it.
The only thing I can read is that you exhibit the very same qualities of a gold digger (ie gigolo) so I guess you feel in competition with the behavior. You have NEVER EVER exhibited ONCE what you are good at, other than stalking hospital residents at Princeton Hospital. Its not even indicative in the way you write, how you write, what you write, and how you are able to interpret and argue complex data.
Further, I don't date a man's wallet. A turn on for me is a man who is EXCELLENT at what he does. The correlation usually states that if a man is excellent at what he does (he is able to extract a decent living) thats just common sense. I know I'm about to start a fire storm up in here, but you (HASANI) ride every man's dyck (be it bloomberg, your "master", or SBM) but you don't take the initiative to DO anything but MASTER the art of dating "UP".
But my granny always said if you gonna dig a ditch, BE GOOD AT IT. I'd only ask that if you date MDs for sport…at least hit a damn home run. Don't gigalos live by that creed. Stop slummin.
Blak Chick is totally correct.
Its a shame when you come to your own home and find all your family bickering over foolishness … everyday. *sigh* … black people.
@Hasani: I understand you have to be doing this on purpose at this point. I think you got Angry Black Man syndrome. You got some fine, american born, black p*ssy … you should be happy and on cloud nine. Don't go insulting this girl's grandparents. Its like me calling your friend a p*ssy because his wife makes 4 times what he does. Not saying he is … just posing a hypothetical.
@Teacia, Funky, Comeback: Stop proving him right by getting angry at his comments. Ya'll promise to leave him alone every other day, and then fall right into his daily trap to bait ya'll. He probably has all his friends looking on here like "Damn Hasani … you were right. These chics out here are crazy". Do better (internal lol).
SBM I also think Hasani has very little respect (or sick and backwards man crush that has him riding your calvin kleins in a strage way). Why does he come into your house and "shyt" on the floor everyday. All we do is point it out.
I'm sorry I actually believe that he believes most of that which he writes. Which is why when we check him he tries to bite back harder. Flamers usually flame and go to sleep. He flames and keeps coming back for more.
Bet you he wouldn't dare pull that shyt over his "masters" house.
Nah, I'm not mad at all. I can only laugh and at the same time feel sorry because he's such a contradiction. I would call him an anomaly, but that's giving him too much credit, and there's a bunch of other ABM out there with the same issues. I never had any issues with him and still don't credit this as being one of them…chalk it up to me having a small caseload today and boredom…lol
@Comeback: I don't wear no damn Calvin Kleins (got a shirt or two … but their jeans and stuff give off too much of a metro vibe for my tastes).
Yes, I do believe that he believes it. And yes, he could be an articulate angry black man who is well adjusted like me, but he is going ot go on his own journey for that one.
It reminds me of the times when you and me used to go at it. All day, everyday. It was draining. We both have countries to take over and empire's to build and run, so I just fell back. You can do the same, stop leetin ghim chill your spine.
@Funky: Always looking for some guest posts submissions. Comeback and Teacia already turned me down … I tell ya … no love (yet they find time to call me ButtaRone).
He doesn't chill my spine. Its rather funny to me. I show people his dribble just as I'm sure he shows Master blogspot. I'm only annoyed when I realize he might not be playing. He does suffer from some type of paradoxical duplicity. He's SO many different types of people. He has money. Then he doesn't. He's at the top of his unix game, then he is barely qualified to do his job. He's a SERIOUS journalist on par with Ed Bradley and then he writes gaming genre in the voice of evil princess sara.
Then he's an angry bitter 30 something who can teach the "young bucks" 3-4 years his junior EVERYTHING.
Hmmm…you just described someone with Anti-Social Personality Disorder, i.e, a Sociopath.
There are a ton of women who say there are no good men out there, but they're probably equaled by the number of men who say all black women are (fill in the blank with any negative, overused stereotype). People who generalize in that way are, in my opinion, quite simple. There are too many people out here in the world to believe such foolishness.
That being said, let me move on to "gold diggers". A woman I know asked recently why it was so wrong for a woman to care about how well off a man is? To be obsessed about it is one thing. To be conniving and low down about it is despicable. Being with someone for their bank account and nothing else is shallow as all hell.
But simply considering a potential mate's ability to be a provider, be sufficient, financially intelligent and all that kind of stuff shouldn't automatically make you a gold digger.
Still, I know some guys who won't talk to a chick if she even asks what he does for a living on the first date. I thought that was like a general get to know you question, even when you're talking to other women. Oh well…
I just think that the same way Deelishus generalized men as being cheaters and liars, a lot of men condemn women as gold diggers for just being prudent. Oh, and I'm not defending Deelishus. She crazy.
Umm you gotta be kidding me. I compliment her family and somehow I am insulting them? she has a pe4rfect almost story esq pedigree and you guys hate on funke so much you want to claim I am attacking her? get off her jock, if she has superior breeding let her be and stop trying to make me sound like I am attacking her just because she had a better stock to come from than the rest of you. I swear its almost like its nature for you guys to hate someone who has something you dont.
I think as alot of you are angry black women, you want to toss the lable of angry black man around like its a justification for why you are angry. kinda like.. umm well HNIC is angry so him telling me im angry nullifies the accusation… right?
I hang around the hospital because Im looking for money? first year residents make 17/hr you fool. next year they will make 20/hr. not exactly the best source of goldigging would ya think?
But since you want to compare.. I DO date girl from target and I DO date girl who is a student and had no doe, and I do date single mom of two kids who is a secretary. I dont TURN DOWN… also known as DESCRIMINATE against people based on their bank account size. Im shallow at times, but to compare me to the normal gold digging shallow angry black woman type is laughable. My heart knows how to love and obviously the angry black woman type does NOT.
Marriages fail because we are marrying for love?? are you on crack Teacia??!
then why are other races in america getting divorced at a lower rate than us?
did we somehow find a wat to "love" more than others… or do we just have the only race where the women out earn the men and thus feel they have more options and want to exit marriages more and get married less????
did god just bless the latinos with better morals that he forgot to bless us with? do asians have an extra gene that makes them special and have physical abilities to make a marriage stronger?
or could it possibly just be US and our way of thinking… nah we should never blame OURSELVES for whats wrong with us… that would be foolish…
OH, about our women out earning our men and us getting divorced more. I know if I place blame solely on you it will feel like I am dumping on you.. so let me throw men under the bus so you angry types (you non angry types are free to walk away from the soapbox now this dosent concern you)
Black men as a whole failed you in the last generation. fathers left, marriages crumbled , boyfriends made a mockery of loving and families and households were sundered beyond comprehension. those were dark times and those were vile things.
You have a reason to be sad.
You have a reason to be hurt.
You have a reason to be angry.
You have a reason to be distrustful.
Do not use a REASON as a crutch and gimp yourself from learning the way to walk.
having a reason does not constitute to a "justification"
You do not have a reason to be resentful… because todays black man did nothing to you and is trying to love you.
But todays black man… not 10 years ago, and not 20 years ago… came out of those same shadows of the 80's at you did. this is why we are driven to have great relationships, this is why we care more about friending and family than we did before and this is why we are the most lovable and compassionate men in this entire country. If we werent lovable and beautiful we wouldnt be so desirable by the other races.
The black family used to be the crown jewel of american culture. the black family IS what america was about.
a mothers love and a fathers commitment, a familys religion and a communities worth.
now we are characterized as fat, narcissistic, money lusting, materialistic types that take shortcuts to get what we want.
our men fear our women and our women despise our men who arent more powerful than themselves, both feel its more important to please themselves than to raise children and our sense of family values have become a total joke.
and it all starts with money and our way of thinking about it.
special one for comeback!
urther, I don’t date a man’s wallet. A turn on for me is a man who is EXCELLENT at what he does. The correlation usually states that if a man is excellent at what he does (he is able to extract a decent living) thats just common sense. I know I’m about to start a fire storm up in here, but you (HASANI) ride every man’s dyck (be it bloomberg, your “master”, or SBM) but you don’t take the initiative to DO anything but MASTER the art of dating “UP”.
someone once told me that if you do not address someone, and they directly address you back but dont have one concise point they are getting back to you about… they are just angry.
you belittle me about everything from my income, to my writing to my personal beliefs and even whom I date.
you just are angry at me in general. I mean.. last I checked when was a woman calling a man a dyck rider a compliment?
shame i directly address you as beautiful and my silky haired nemesis and you address and degrade me directly every chance you get…. but then claim I am directly putting you down by calling you angry black woman.
SBM is right… you are just justifying my claims as such and fufilling a stereotype you NEED TO BREAK.
one thing is amazing though… you say you find is sexy for a man to be good at something but money has no impact.
Im OBVIOUSLY a good writer… lol you even bring up that I am. I not only built up a fanbase based on my name.. I dont even have to write as my name to build up another fanbase. Im not conceited about it your the one who brought it up. I have fun writing with freedom on the internet, and my editorials and reviews and my writing in charachter and these posts all do well and I do them all well. but since I only generate 15/hr I am "below" your standards of respect.
you cant be phony and say its because I dont do something well… because I do.
how many times per day are you going to try to nail down what I do with UNIX? I know you cant make sense of my income.. I know it hurts you that I make a low wage…trust me it hurts me to :p
Your retort will no dobut be any black man who dosent generate money is lazy. Which is laughable as you make fun of me about donating my time to my community…. takes effort to do something other than stay home and in your office cubicle on your rump all day.
Motivation… dat nigga must lack motivation. this is why I can control my diet and every calorie that I eat and go to the gym 8 times a week right? thats obviously an un motivated negro.
Lazy people are the ones who stay single because they are waiting for the rich brotha who they arent worth to come along and scoop them up. Us proactive people are the ones who are out there doing. lazy is saying im 34 and my longest relationship is 2 years…. that shows you dont work hard at it. 10 year relationships at 30 years old on the other hand… Id have to say someone knows how to work hard at something….
but I am more than what my paycheck is and tons more than what I have in the bank.
Just wish you would hear that, know that and see that in myself and every other black man that you meet.
Hey Fam, I haven't read the other comments, but these are my thoughts.
1)Why is it that all men have to be liar and cheaters?
Humans are liars and cheaters. I think when women are hurt by a situation they tend to feel this way towards all men. Men do the same thing just like you said SBM, you don't want to date anymore DC girls because of your experiences the same applies to women when dating. We generalize men because of hurt, angry, and devastation after a relationship has gone sour because of cheating and lying. It causes us to put our guard up. Again though I think our human nature causes us to prejudge each other and be guarded. Look at it like this in Chicago I see alot of white men look scared when they see a black man who is not professionally dressed. Reasoning being is because some of the black men that aren't can sometimes be homeless begging for money and this causes white men to think that all black men want something from them even if its a legit hustle. I hope my point is clear…it made sense in my head at least…lol
2)Why is her world such a cold and lonely place that there are no good guys out there?
That is a personal belief. I think the whole 'there are no good guys out here concept' thing is horseshit. There are plenty of good men out here just stop prejudging and become more warm and friendly then it wouldn't be so cold and lonely. I think we as women need to come from around all the bullshit we are feeding ourselves and allow ourselves to met a man, its hard for him to find us with the bullshit in the way. Remove the bullshit ladies…
3)Why did she think she would find love with Flavor Flav (thats the real question)
She wasn't looking for love. She was looking for a hustle to get her name in the public, make money for her daughter, like all the other chicks that want a leg up. Not saying they can't fall for his personality but the dude is not attractive at all.
I've been dating a pretty goddamn lot…and to a whole helluva lotta men… Even thought of myself as a professional dater at one point…
Said all that to say… There are just as many good men out there…as there are some really fucked up women…and vice versa. I'd say 80% pf the men I have met have been exceptional and definitely someone I would recommend to any chick looking to date them. Why didn't I stay with them if they were so great? 'Cause…aaaa…I have this problem with variety you see… and I have an aversion to having the same ol' boring conversation that you slip into once you done got…got.
This life is nothing but experiences…new chapters to our life that we open up every day. Why would you limit your possibilities based off of what another person has or doesn't have?
I know men that will partner themselves up with the devil herself if that chick looks good enough..but that's because he's looking for a trophy… (women too)…nad a woman will fuck around and attach herself to a bank account and someone that is good on paper but at the end of the day he has litle to offer except for his paycheck because he knew that's all he had to offer and never cultivated the rest of his personality…just like A LOT of women will think that as long as she has the latest fashion on…or buying $1500 purses (but don't have $5 in the wallet) will make them more appealing to a man…(because women know men are visual creatures) or if she's passing out pussy because she doesn't have anything else to offer but that… Or how the dating game has become a job fair… constantly talking about what you have, your 5 year plan…and other shit I could google or find out by snooping thru your shit (lol)… basically spitting out your resume on what should be a date…fun, sexy, easy, entertaining outting.
Thing I want to know… if you respect your mama, If you have a good relationship with your family, I wanna know that you can cry when shit is too heavy and also let me know…so that I can be a leaning post, I want to know if we have the same mind about raising kids, I want to know that if I have to watch your damn military movies are you gonna watch my sci-fi movies, are you going to run to the store in the middle of the night to get me some tampons, are you going to read me some sexy nasty erotica as I massage the kinks out of your neck, are you going to cook me dinner in the nude and then let me lick you for dessert, are you going to understand what I mean when I say I have a migraine and massage my temples as I lay on your lap. I want to know if you remember that I like butter pecan ice cream and you buy it when I am low…or even when I'm not, I want to know if you use my car are you going to automatically fill up the tank without thinking about it, are you gonna BE man enought to let me fight my battles but THE man when I need your help, are you going to let me have a voice or are you going to always override all my suggestions…those are things that matter to me…and many many more… Moreso than if you make over 200K a year. (which back in my gold digger days was a pre-req…and me now being somewhat retired only seek out 150K…lol)
If I'm on my last breath, in a hospital and I am 50…60 years old…and I had chosen a man based off of his income bracket or his education level…what the hell is his money going to mean to me when all I need to make it thru the rest of my days…is to be held and know that this man is holding my hand thru the night, brushing my hair as I sleep, reminding me about all the years between when we met and this one… letting me know by his presence that even if he wanted to his heart and soul wouldn't let him leave me… What the hell is his money going to do for me when all I need is love?
But…if you have found your perfect man/woman that makes the money you want, treats you the way you want, and your truly happy and not just putting on a happy face in front of friends, frat, soros, family… then God bless you and him/her and I wish you continued bliss….and don't ever let anyone come between that…
if you are single…or attached and unhappy… then it seems sorta idiotic to ask any of y'all…us…me… for advice on what is or isn't good for anyones life…gold digger…male or female… or any of the other vices that draws us into a life long relationship with someone other than love. 'Cause we all know…we don't all marry for traditional reasons. What you won't do…someone else will.
You determine what yo need to make this life liveable for you.
You know, it's late and whatnot and I am leaving NYC for DC in about an hour…so…umma, that explains the ramble…sleep deprivation and shit. Won't happen again…I don't think…I will try to keep it short and simple.
two great post blah and ms.D (as always) couldnt have said it better myself.
it just boggles the mind. "all men are evil" but then conversely "I dont look for good men I look for rich men" dosent compute. I think it was SBM who as a MAN told me… if you made more money you wouldnt be as nice as you are to women. now once again, its a generalization not an absolute rule. theres tons of nice rich people. but what im saying is if your running into bad men your obviously looking in the wrong places since your looking for someone who makes more money. another man tells me I wouldnt be as nice if I made more money… so what you all take from the blog is the richer the man the more happy and stable your relationship with a man based off of just money is?!!?!?!?!?
Two posters above have a clue, even if I seem like an overly idealistic and "preachy" type brotha at least listen to them.
So in other words, male or female if you don't make 75K and above you anit worth the air you breathe…God bless you when you get old, cause money damn sure won't matter. Next time you go to lunch, look around and tell me how many black men and women you see vs the white men and women you see. Mostly you see white professional men and then you see white professional women then you see black professional women……Now count them HOW MANY BLACK men do you see professional or other wise…Seems like you all are very young have have a WHOLE lot of life to live. Good luck cause $$$$ Don't make the man or women. This blog has kept me entertained many a day…but this has really touch me to my heart…I damn hope this isn't the thought process my daughter has. Really fucked up. With or without money if you don't love or care about you…What's it all about alfie???? The Gold diggers I know male and female are the most pitiful people I know…Oh and I live in the ATL…The land of Hype,Golddddiggers and disease. My daughter told me the other day Lexus stands for "L" Loser…she said ma it anit nothin but a dressed up camry…and you know…She's right. White folk gettin over on your wanna be asses…Shame just a shame. Oh Ms. D and Blah Blah, Y'all got a little sense. If you live long enough you'll be happy just to breathe. May you all have health, wealth and happiness….and keep writin this crazy shyt I LOVE IT….Somebodies Mom who cares.
Hasani you would not be who i would describe as EXCELLENT and I cant gleam that from what you write or even HOW you write it. Part of the requirement to become a journalist I think…is knowing how to spell. The more "difficult" part is pulling the who, what, when, why and how together in an OBJECTIVE intelligent manner. Stats are usually annotated and expressed in a manner that shows many possible causations. A stat does not just express ONE. It expresses MANY. You hold tight to the ONE and ride it until there is no tomorrow.
You appear to be more of a casual writer. Are you excellent??? well…. I'll leave that for the rest. I would say No. You spend alot of time riding jocks of men who are or who are working hard at trying to be.
I'm a driven person. Money, real estate, strategy, idea generation and implementation is a bit of sport to me. I like tennis but I also like the ways in which money is generated. I'm fascinated at the world economy. How value is created. And hey its a damn great sport to have. I don't just sit in the stands (gold dig) i participate ACTIVELY.
I think someone above aptly wrote you move in circles and enjoy people WHO HAVE SIMILIAR interests. Its human nature.
Futher good men aren't hard to find. Neither are great men. I'm learning only now that they don't always have to be black.
say it isnt so
the sad part is we have MOTHERS on this blog and grown ass women who think this way. Teaching the same thoughts and irascibleness to their seeds and poisoning the ears of their nieces and nephews. its not just a mentality that afflicts young bucket heads anymore.
If I was a black man who had a one job salary of 80,000 a year I would not date you. because in theory you would not have dated me when I was making a one job salray of 30,000. Just like I stoped dating the white girl who said she loved black men and would "never think" about dating white men because they are . I cant be associated with a bigot even if I am not the target.
if your still single at an age where your married friends out number your single ones… but constantly use a flawed formula for measuring a mans worth. perhaps you dont need to blame the men for not "doing better" as is a common phrase here….
perhaps a visit to your church/masque is in order, for you to set things right for yourself.
I have yet to tell "Miss Alaska" how little money I make. I am scared to tell her now. seeing the way the sistas react on this blog and seeing how my own blood sister reacts to the topic, im frozen in sheer terror or the conversation should it come up.
she took off work today and just invited me over to cook for me…. I didnt know corporate black women cooked, when did this stuff start happening? she seems to do nothing more than yell at me all day already Id hate to see what happens when she dosent value me as a "catch" anymore.
ohnoes! Im so afraid 🙁
No the problem is that instead of teaching our kids how to be great at things and build value out of their passions…we make excuses for our own failures and blame MONEY.
Money in and of itself HAS NEVER BEEN THE PROBLEM. The value that we place on our own failures IS.
Wealth is nothing but a tool. Commerce is nothing but energy. Energy flows where their is VALUE. Poor people believe that it is more noble to struggle than to be prosperous. It gives them the ability to justify their own failures at life.
Balance is created in making money, tithing, and helping others live with passion and with a sense of freedom and purpose. There is more wrong with placing nobility on being poor than having a lexus in my opinion.
"The value that we place on our own failures ARE"
@comebackGirl…Rich or Poor it's a state of mind…Sounds to me you are a very "rich independent women, but poor in spirit and mind" Just my thought from your writings, I don't know you, but that's how you come off. May you find balance or it find you. Peace…is too be self gratified, and if you are, that's all that should matter. Quick question??? When the market crashed where did you diversify your assets? Just curious…cause it seems like you have most, if not all of this figured out…Let me guess…You don't do well in the man market…That's ok, I believe there's some one out there for us all. It just takes time to find THE right one. Continue with your patients, cuz men, Black and White share the same issues when it comes to us women.;-)
@comebackgirl…ewwwwwwwwwwwww Poor people believe that it is more noble to struggle than to be prosperous. It gives them the ability to justify their own failures at life. Who the hell said that. I don't think I know anyone who likes being poor…in mind or money. That's just jacked…What guru you been talkin to.
"Poor people believe that it is more noble to struggle than to be prosperous."
Its how this country was built. The constant struggle between the prolitariat (sp) and the bourgousie (sp)..and the puritan ethic (toil on earth, for your wealth is in heaven). That was the ultimate pacifier.
Thats the history of how this country created wealth and capitalism… US history 101 with a little psychology and socialogy thrown in. Marx, Weber, etc…really simple.
"rich independent women, but poor in spirit and mind” Just my thought from your writings, I don’t know you, but that’s how you come off. "
Thats your opinion. I'm in constant search of total balance. Spirituality gives me that which money could never buy. But I am well aware of what money and wealth generates. How its created and the way in which the world economy is sustained. I don't make excuses for my percieved lack on other outside "controllable" forces. And I am far from rich. I understand how to make money, I'm good at it. But I also know that my place in this world is larger than what I intend to create.
With all that intuition where you can read a person's life view and financial statement in two paragrpahs …should secure you in the nice world of psychic.
your race built its core foundations off being poor.
in fact.. you still ARE poor nigga.
OH what you think you have any REAL lasting money just because you can get tiffany braclet and gucci sunglasses?
how about you get blessed with a malady that makes you bed ridden. who takin care of you? Im not talkin about 1-2 days.. im talkin about 1-2 years.
selecting your mate dependant on his paycheck…. would brotha who has everything going for him but no moral compass, stay around to help you with your illness… or would he be prosperous and opportunistic and seek a better business venture to extend his capital gains?
being moderate isnt an exscuse.. being TRIFLING is. if you value your dollar more than your happyness and if your dollar provides you with your happyness then you all have issues indeed.
being balanced spiritually… does not = taking your ass to the spa to relax on a sunday and buying your 9th pair of Gucci sunglasses on saturday. it actually takes a bit more work than you can do sitting behind your desktop.
Im just a poor brotha, but I am rich in friends. Notice my myspace page.. ALL of my friends and ex's love me because I enrich their lives and am a good standup guy to all of them. my funeral will be filled to the brim with people who love and respect me… or at least I hope it will.
I would rather live a thousand lifetimes as a middle class man with middle class worries but a overly sappy and loving wife, well behaved and morally ballanced kids, and a large contingent of friends and people who respect me like my godfather…. than be rich, buy lots of things but have a lust of money that proves fatal to marriage, friends and everything else around you like my own parents.
who you are is not defined by what you have and love isnt constituted by what someone else can do for you.
I wouldnt say tiffany is did bad in the man market, thats not really a correct statement. She never played the game.
she actually realizes she is a dancer and a cancer to other people and insted of infecting them with her malcontent she has decided to stay away from dating and avoid serious relationships and insted dump her efforts into boosting her career and doiing things that bring her own self pleasure. (I could be totally off base that she is not playing because of thinking of others… she could actually just be holding off for her baller type to sweep her off her feet and wont "settle" for mundane and common niggas like ourselves)
thats actually much MUCH better than being an angry B1tch that just wants to hurt every black man and turn them into bitter black men and make this a never ending cycle. her staying single is actually breaking the chain… but staying bitter not making the machine run again as it should.
I just thought I should give the correct breakdown of Tiffany though, she isnt losing the dating game, she just dosent play. shes good looking enough to do quite well if she wasnt infected.
Actually I don't view dating as a game. Its not chess its not strategy its developing rapport with like minded people. I actually am DOING VERY WELL HERE LATELY. I just don't waste my time ANYMORE with men who have proven with double talk that they lack substance and world vision and overall compatibility. I don't date for sport anymore. I date to seek who I can build a relationship and then life/family longterm.
I exclude you, which is where you feel slighted. But its my right not to feel that connection to even try a date, whether you want to drive 200 miles or 20. B had already established most of your motive. I concur. Shall we check the tape.
Don't hate me…hate the game you play and aren't even good at.
Anyway I think what our resident psychic and you seem to forget is that HOW YOU FEEL is an indicator. How your life works is an indicator. How you get along in this world is an indicator. And I would say, no matter who others view me..it works.
I'm showing friends this quagmire…since when Hasani is a myspace page indicative of how much anybody loves you???? Laughable. esp when my page is PRIMARILY for my blog.
Wow I can't leave you all unsupervised for one minute!!
SBM no more ButtaRone baby…and i'll get on that guest post as soon as you get on that flight down to Jax.
Hasani, *sighing* you know I don't even care to entertain all of the nonsense you posted…at all actually.
Ms. D, good post, great information and I too believe there are hella good men out there. I meet them all the time, and most of them aren't rolling in dough, thankfully some are comfortable enough to where I wouldn't have to worry much if we took it to the next level. I always love your insight.
Say it ain't so, I agree with Comeback, it is much easier to find nobility in the struggle than to admit your failures. I have been there, at one point in my life I embraced the struggle as a way to cover the fact that I was being a lazy ass bum. When my daughter was born and I knew I needed to get off of my ass, I stepped up my game and realized that the struggle is for those who don't believe that they deserve more. My mother embraced the mentality once my father left and it wasn't until siblings and I approached her about her lifestyle and contentment with failure that she actually began to change. Thankfully she realized how capable she was after that and has been on a successful path since then. I'm sorry but I believe everyone has a choice, you can either choose defeat or fight for something more.
Comeback, I know I argue with Sani, but really if he's an idiot then he's never going to understand the complexity in which you write…let's just agree that's he's a genius in his own mind and be done with it.
NEW BLOG PLEASE Rone baby… 😉
I tried really hard to read all the comments…but dayum! I can't even comment on the post, I just have a request. I'm not going to jump on Hasani about his views or his poor grammar, I would just like to request that he perhaps practice making concise messages and not posting back to back to back, it's a bit exhausting…even for me and I'm known for reading full length non-fiction books in just a weekend and a shakespeare play overnight. Just a tip, the strongest points are not only poignant but succinct. If you've got a great point, shouldn't take up my whole browser screen to make it. Thanks hun.
On to the original post. It's a sad day when Deelishis is on a panel regarding our culture…is this who we have to choose from as leaders now? Augh, I might have to convince my daughter she's white (SO KIDDING). I'm on neither side of the debate. There are women who are golddiggers and that will never change. I can't fully argue with her logic, but it boils down to being more careful in our selection of men and taking the necessary time to get to know them. As for the dating up syndrome, I've got it a very mild case…and I gotta tell ya, the men in ATL have it too. Think I don't see a sparkle in their eyes when they find out I have an MBA, and work in Finance for one of the Big 4 Accounting firms? I too am not averse to dating a man that makes less than me, but it can't be significantly less. Shucks, I don't want to date a man that makes significantly more than me either. Why? I've dated guys that make way less, and they are usually insecure…that's his deal and I don't want to be punished for it. Guys that make way more usually treat me like they have something I want and I should chase it. I'd much rather someone be within my reasonable range and have about the same earning potential, that way we can build together.
I feel slighted by your "type" not by you exactly. I have actually met a few of you this year and I want by the end of this decade for there to be NO MORE of you.
I mean… you are so angry and bitter agains everything…..
come on now… think about it.. you actually called me a BAD journalist and writer…. do you know how silly and down right malicious that makes you sound???
YOu argue about the most insane of things…. and usually contradict yourself.
you complain there are too many men with kids….. a blog goes up about male birth control. I say well yippie its a good thing and you actually argue about it being bad. do you know how frakkin silly you sound?
you complain theres not enough decent black men…. I say its more important to be a decent man than to have a great job…. and you disagree and be little me EVERY DAMN DAY about how much money I make.
you post that black men aint shit and never want to get married (which was your reasoning for why black women are single) I post census stats showing that we are getting married at a higher rate than you and you attack me on the numbers like Im the angry mutha fucker thats sitting home scaring off all the black men or I somehow joined census statistics department and made up the numbers just to slight you.
and now we are talking about gold digging. I mean… the damn term is listed and you want to disagree with the definition!?!?Even worse your saying being a gold digger is a good thing and you list reasons why you feel your right…. but I'm sayin…. theres a reason why we have a #1 hit song out about it, and its not because its a made up stereotype that dosent exist. what scared me is how morraly corrupt you guys can be sometimes and look at ME like I am the one thats evil.
how about we solve this once and for all… we all go to your church and sit down with your priest and see what he thinks of right or wrong about the 3 topics of goldigging, Love and relationships, having children outside the confines of a relationship, and then we will ask my buddy the Rabbi as well. I dont think either of them will vote much in yoru favor.
perhaps after you will attack me for turning gods will against your mode of thinking and blame the bible and torra for having outdatd grammar thus making it invalid?
Teacia: I missed you too baby 🙂
the struggle and being noble are not synonymous I agree. but theres a difference between being lazy and poor and being morraly corrupt and lusting for money. Right now I wouldnt exactly call me "LAZY" but I dont care about money as much as I care about loving someone. I could spend my weekends with a 2nd job so I could get 20 inch rims to impress you with but I would not have time to spend taking the boyscouts out or have time to teach my godson to be a fine black man.
this mentality of the goldigger that unless you make the MAXIMUM income your not shit is insane.
what us normal and moral people are saying is work your job and have something more in life… and look for a mate based on whats good in them and not what they can provide for you.
I can talk all day and all night, but both of you are good looking enough to find a guy to take care of you financially (until your divorce) so why are we even debating this?
When did I say that there were too many men with kids??? and black men aren't shyt??? I don't even use that kind of language. Please link back to where I've ever even written that. Good black men are actually plentiful. But I have always suggested that if a black woman can …for her to open her pool. I've been conflicted on dating outside my race. But its not because "black men aint shyt" its just to broaden perspective.
And when did I say gold digging was good???
I think Teacia and Funke is right. And I fall for this dumb shyt every time. You bait me into a conversation using half normal logic…and then I end up arguing DUMBER THAN DUMB logic that you back me in to. When you've switched personalities like some DID patient.
and its my fault.
@ Blah Blah… you put in the best words. Those things you listed are the REAL things that matter in a relationship.
@ Teacia: Thanks. I met more losers(loser is a bad term, but you get my point) than winners but even loser sometimes have good shit to say. Meeting people over all is just fun. Thats why to me certain things don't matter, until you reach a certain point in the relationship. I have never cared about material things because at the end of the day who you are as person is the major thing that will keep us together.
comeback: Im not duping you, and I dont appreciate you constantly calling me dumb. (the irony of you saying I think Funke IS right)
your defending goldigging and saying that a woman and you SHOULD look for men based on income and that is a righteous and justifiable action by your views… then others co sign with you! its madness!!
amazing you claim you would never use language like black men arent shit and like to think your a saint and then the very next sentence call me DUMB…….. anyone else see the irony in this one too??
My logic isnt half dumb…. its just moral based and therefore alien to your everyday views and those of those infected "angry black women syndrome" and goldigging-itus.
I seriously love you (the infected black woman) and wish I was educated enough and smart enough to write the pulitzer winning editorial that would open your eyes to LIFE and not the maelstrom of hate and malcontent you guys builld for yourselves. but I am not and can only wish I was…. so I blog and talk and stand on a cyber soapbox insted. insted of working against me and bashing me…. ya could help me help your type…. but that wouldnt work since admitting your flawed and its nor my fault is not within your character. someone wit less of an education and less of a paycheck cant possiblly tell you anything about yourself or life…… because we are beneath you.
Yeah mis D, blah blah said it best.
I love you too Sani baby…I told you that you're not baiting me into this nonsense today, my days has been long enough without it.
Maybe Anti and B will come again to post regularly. I didn't always agree with them, but at least they were sane and are MEN.
oh no…. not another strident attack on my masculinity…. what ever shal I do……… what an "unexpected" and obviously non bitter (lol) tactic
not an attack on masculinity as much as maturity.
You two cut it out…I swear I'm going to have to send you both to the corner for a time-out. On tomorrow's post NO BICKERING ALLOWED!!! I mean it, let's try to lift up the conversation for a change. And Hasani before you attack me and say that it's partly my doing, DON'T. Again, rise above the frey and join me in this kumbayah moment…okay sweetie.
and mental/emotional fitness. This is torn out of some psych book with case studies on DID and sociopathic behavior-totally agree with Black Chic. No worries by 2016 you could be my first patient. I really want to fuse eastern and western practice of healing. So I wouldn't give you too many meds, maybe a sun lamp, meditation, and a little cognitive behavorial therapy. Dr. Beck said that all roads point back to self-acceptance…..and well…lets just say that needs a LOT of work.
heres what I find amazing.
we have a WHOLE FUKIN THREAD on soul music. I pretty much stay out of it because I dont listen to soul music. And on comebacks blog we are talking about soul musicians and "what a musicial looks like"
but for as little as I listen to Soul… and as much as you all CLAIM to listen to soul…. its rather ironic that NONE of you hear the words or live the lifestyle.
Comeback turned me on to Rahsaan Patterson (who looks like the black kid from kids incorporated all grown up and slightly metro by the way)
im listening to the lyrics in a song called where you are
correct me if Im wrong but sounds like the brotha says
Baby forgive me For making you wait so long Girl please believe that
It's due to my lack of funds
Baby I swear, I'm gonna find a way to get out of here Cause I wanna be where you are
My man is broke, my man is in love and my man will do whatever he can do see this sista because she makes him feel like the world is complete when she is around. His love is unbridaled and he is willing to do anything and go anywhere just to get where she is. he is not saying "bitch betta pay for my plane ticket" and shes not saying "scrub aint got no funds he must be lazy"
They say that everybody got a price, Through material lust, for the things nice,Better think twice (Not everything can be bought or sold) Certain things in this life money don't control.
Oh shit son
Ayo, the love from a woman that ain't your mother "Priceless"
The sun, moon and Earth and what they yield is priceless The morals that you pass down to kids is priceless
Yo survival of the fittest, to survive you need dough
But once you got dough, got to maintain a steady flow
And let it grow you know, add another zero
Yo from down in the ghetto, we bust through the door
Now accustomed to things, you wasn't before Money showed you power you never felt when poor To say money bring power, power with corruption 'Til corrupted to the point paralleled to destruction Disgusted, mind full of lusting Got mixed priorities, family love first thing Praises due for life, from one morning Because tomorrow's a site, not a guaranteed thing So live to the fullest, make your moves to win Cherish your brethren, nourish and love the children Throw them positive, negative will kill them Drafted to war for arrogant wicked men But it's all unity, one world community To divide is the recipe for our tragedy So adequately you get yours I get mine take nothing for granted and walk a righteous line
what da fuk?! this guy sounds EXACTLY like me and says the exact same msg. I cant belive you nod your head to this everyday because its what aleged sophisticated black people listen to… yet you are totally against the spirit of the music. you listen to it but you obviously dont HEAR a damn thing.
we need to trade music. You can have Devil Driver, Ra, and Rage against the machine and I will start listening to Rahsaan, india and that skinny dude who sung "ask of you".
Off the subject but… Why does the guy on HNIC blog http://www.dailytmi.blogspot.com and Hasani myspace page on SBM page look totally different. Who the hell is the right person?
Ok nevermind. I figured it out they are two different people. I know no one cares but I was just curious.
New post SBM…
Ok one other thing have Hasani and HNIC been two different people all this time?
NO, Same person behind the monitor. it just depends which computer I am using. I use HNIC because… well its dangerous to use our real names… because then crazy people can track us down by using our personal information …. not like thats happened already or anything.
The person from the dailytmi is my master and mentor "acereporter73" I get most of my ideals from him actually so I encouraged him to start a blog. I link him in my tab as I feel he always has something more important to say than myself. Hes more educated, better read, deeper philosophically, older, wiser and less confrontational.
drop by and leave comments 😀
Honestly, it really bothers me that so many women today are willing to look for the depth of a man's wallet rather than the depth of his mind and character. If a woman is willing to be with a man only because he is wealthy or able to shower her with material things, that says a lot of negative things about the character of that woman. Money can only get you but so far, and cash cannot keep a woman warm at night while her man is continuously out there making more money or is not able to give her the attention and affection she deserves. The basis for the relationship is on a monetary level which means that there will rarely be great conversations and philosophical stimulation; there will be no real relationship, only an arrangement, for when the money runs out, more than likely so will the relationship. It's time for women to look deeper into their souls and ask themselves is that really all they need out of a relationship.
TheComebackGirl: Poor people believe that it is more noble to struggle than to be prosperous. It gives them the ability to justify their own failures at life.
Your single right. Over 30.
Your a failure. How can you justify it.
Thats why I just do me and I don’t care about what other people think. I will say this as a man who had nothing and couldn’t get the type of black women I liked, and now being able to get any women I want because Im successful now. In my own experience I wouldn’t call black women goldiggers I would just call them women who want a rich man with money but they don’t have anything to bring to the table.
That’s why now that I am rich and I have worked so hard to get mine, I only get into relationships with women who got their own shit. That eliminates all women who just wants to be with me for my money. If a chick don’t make a certain amount of income a year we can fuck but it’s not going no where. I want a women to love me for me and not the size of my bankroll. So I figure the best way to find that women is to weed out those who don’t have nothing to offer and those who want to leech of me.
I mean seriously people you cant be out here looking for a millionaire when as a female all you got to offer is your looks, your pussy, and a stank ass attitude. I no in my case looks and good pussy is not enough for a women to seal the deal with me. She has to have her own. Then she has to have a nice personality. I got my own so why should I be with a women who doesn’t have shit.
I can understand black women wanting a man with alot of money. If you gone be on that you better have your own or something of value to offer a man. That’s one of the reasons why black men date outside their race. Some find women of others races who got shit to offer besides they looks and pussy.
I tell you this its a gurantee that your looks will fade overtime. If thats the only reason why your man is with you when you start aging believe he gone cheat on you with the young intern in his office.
To the fellow’s date what you wanna date. If you don’t want to put up with no stanky ass attitude then don’t. If you like brazillian chicks(like me) then get you a brazillian chick. This is America we all have the right to recieve as much happiness as possible. If black chicks aren’t making you happy find somebody who will it’s simple as that. If people don’t like what you doing fuck um and do you.