Black Love And Growing Up


“Where is the love?”

Yes … where is the love.

I don’t know how many people watch the fights, bickering, name calling, and overall destructive behavior that often unfolds itself everyday on the comments section.  If you do … you might be mentally drained such as myself.

Its funny how often it seems the comments of a few (with one person in particular) can often incite attacks disguised as “defence” from others.  Its funny how the flamers, the attackers, the “mean people” aren’t ignored and laughed at … but instead given the fuel that they need to bring everyone else into the daily yelling match.

Some of the words, insults, and deragatory terms I have seen aren’t sutable for public consumption … and it shames me to think that they were used from one Black man to a Black womana and from one Black woman to another.

So … what does this have to do with Black dating, love, and relationships … well … it serves as an example of one of the core problems affecting relations between Black Men & Women everywhere.

Why is it when one man grabs your ass inappropriately, all men are unfairly labeled as no good dogs that treat women as objects?

See Also:  How Do Women Intimidate Men?

Why is it when one woman makes a comment about loving money and wanting her rent to be paid … all women become gold diggers?

Why is it when one man cheats on his wife with an ugly person, all men are suddenly no good liars that can’t be trusted?

Why is it when one woman make outrageous claims of her man while giving nothing, all women are suddenly selfish b*tches?

I know that a lot of my theories do rely on some generalizing, but I also don’t feel like I walk around holding every women to some of the things that I say and believe.  I don’t feel the need to snap and go crazy on every dumb and stupid comment I hear from member’s of the opposite sex … there are better things to do with my life.

Its hard to put my finger exactly on the core of the problem. Maybe people need to personally take the “higher road” more often. Maybe everyone should just exercise my “chill” lifestyle. Maybe its something deeper that we can’t fix ourselves … wait … naw … thats a cop out.

I love to debate … I love to have intellectual arguments that use evidence to prove a point.  I don’t go insulting someone’s paygrade.  I don’t belittle someone for their weight. I don’t go insulting someone because of their children. I don’t need to insult someone for their choice in who they sleep with.

See Also:  #GreatMaleSurvey 2013: AskMen Captures Men's Thoughts on Women, Sex, and Relationships

So … to the people who know I’m talking to them … grow up.

To everyone … everywhere … just take the high road sometimes.  Not every battle is worth fighting, and when you start treating people like Kings & Queens instead of bitches & niggas … everyone benefits.

Just had to get that one off my chest …


  1. After reading this post I went back to "Love & Money" to look for a VERY derogatory comment made by one after my hospital quote. I'm glad to say it is gone. I even thought about replying to say how much as I woman I was offended by it and even though it wasnt about me, I let it go. I was also wondering WHEN it would be deleted. Im glad to say that almost 24 hours later it is.

    I also know that this site wasn't always like this. It had generally the same amount of people early this year. And nothing wasn't poppin off nowhere. Its a good indication that sometimes people bring "situations" with them.

    That Black Love stuff is so idealistic and niave. Where in the world do we have Isreali love. I pray for that almost every day I see the the Arabs and the Jews fight over religious doctrine and what part of the land GOD has ordained for them both. Hell if we REALLY had Etheopian love there probably would be no Eritria.

    I say all that to say. Sometimes people very close (either "racially" or "geographically" aren't going to get along. Especially on the superficial notion that we are supposed to.

    Black people ARE NOT A MONOLITH.

    There are some on here that are in serious pain. And they scapegoat other people about their issues. I hit back just like everybody else because I'm human. But SBM really I would think that naturally things should anger you about some of the more cancerous comments. You shouldn't always "delete" because people TELL you to. It should be rather instinctful. But perhaps thats another blog for another day.

  2. I'll also add that there is a very intereseting undercurrent that HAS NOTHING to do with Hasani or me for that matter. But I'll continue to bring my popcorn and watch THE DEFLECTION.

  3. SBM well said/written. I just hope those who you are speaking to will take heed so the exchange of views/ideas may continue. And if no one has said it lately, thank you for all you do with this site. Keep up the great work!

  4. This site was the same when I came here to read as it was when I come now to comment, only with more traffic, and different players.

    But guess what…… its the SAME CRAP on every blog with black people in it. now I know 2 people will somehow take this as me bashing black women and praise be to allah for blonde hair and blue eyes…. somehow. but it is what it is.

    This blog is a microcosm of our society. button pushing and degrading comments that go on and on until someone snaps and gets "tired" of the games and retaliates.

    This dosent go on, in the white blogs about dating, and it sure as hell dosent go on in the latino blogs. the philipino blogs are so filled with love and happiness it sickens me…. so whats wrong with every other black dating blog or post being a fire fight?

    Im seriously tired of fighting and I am even more tired of being put down and seeing others bully people, and it makes me almost ashamed. its a cultural problem and has nothing to do with our genetics and not a damn thing to do with income. Im tired of me always saying "hi we need to grow as black people and love and care… here let me help you" only to be called a scrub, a failure and "stupid" and have my face slaped by the people I try to help.

    the amazing thing is… I go on another blog with another name… type the SAME SHIT, only dont indicate that I am a male, and the "same people" dont have a problem. I post on Comebacks blog all the time and theres no beef. We dont fight via email either.

    so what is it about putting down black men in public is so amusing these days? from movies to books to television shows and even the workplace. why do we always have to be "soned" I just dont get it. Why do I put black women up on a pedistal for which I get called a simp for… but the retaliation is putting your finger in my face and yelling at us in restaurants ? grandma didnt do it… mom didnt really do it either… so why is it such a normal part of our culture today?

  5. lol…i'm going to ask one more time to not be grouped into your little theory. if you'd stop including me, i'd leave u alone. it's that simple.

  6. My 3 cents:

    Well written SBM sweetie. I take full responsibility for my part in all of the bickering, although others won't, but it's not my job to check anyone on their delusions…I'll leave that to our fearless moderator. I'm not a nice person, pleasant and witty, but I never claimed to be nice. I'm not angry and I don't generalize and group people, but I do have a firecracker attitude for which I make no apologies. But even in my responses I couldn't bring myself to say things on the same level as some of the things that were said about me. Like Ms. D once pointed out in her description of our family, I get angry when insulted and I fire back, but after a while I'm over it and I move on.

    I always found it interesting that I couldn't just be myself on here and express my opinions without being called a whore and other such derogatory terms. Hey most women aren't a fun of me publicly, but are quietly envious…so I take it how I get it. And Hasani…well he just doesn't like me…no matter how I agreed with him, he still found a way to insult me. But I wasn't out here trying to get the masses to follow in my footsteps, or trying to incite a new dating practice, I was just bringing to the table pieces of me and my life. But because my thoughts, and sometimes even my practices were considered "less conventional" I was immediately considered an outsider…which actually didn't bother me anyways. After all I got VSB…and they're all freaks over there.

    It's funny, same personality, two different blogsites….two very different reactions to me. Maybe the masses over there have learned how to respect each other's opinion(btw, no fighting over there Hasani AT ALL)…maybe it's because it's my original blog home and I was there from the beginning, where as here I kind of forced my way onto the scene…maybe it's because SBM had a crush on me and others found grief in it…lol, priceless…either way how I live my life and choose to express it shouldn't cause anyone else grief. We're all different, no one is better than anyone else…we're just different…and in the words of Jeremiah Wright(yeah i know)…"different does not mean deficient, it's just different."

  7. LOL @ Hasani for making himself the innocent victim. and I disagree that this is exclusive to "our" blogs, I've seen this kind of bickering on all kinds of sites…even freaking parenting sites that are majority white…PEOPLE can be prone to conflict, judgement, and bickering. It is definitely not just us.

    @SBM two words: here here!

    @Comeback, I agree to an extent…black love and perpetual peace is a bit naive. We should be able to disagree, debate, and even down right argue from time to time. But I do have to say, it's rather exhausting when it's every damn day. I mostly sit back and won't comment on anyone's particular post, or barely comment at all. But it seems even when some of you agree, you still bash each other…and while it's quite entertaining at times, it does get really really old.

  8. My kumbayah message for today…also quoted from the infamous Jeremiah Wright:

    "many of us are committed to changing the way we treat each other. The way Christians treat you. The way straights treat gays. We are committed to changing the way we treat each other. And we are committing number four to changing the way we mistreat each other. We can do better, you all. There is a higher standard, you all. We know that and we are stretching to reach that standard. I believe a change is going to come because many of us are committed to changing how we see others who are different.

    Many of us are committed to changing how we see ourselves. Many of us are committed to changing the way we treat each other. Many of us are committed to changing the way we mistreat each other. And many of us finally are committed to changing this world that we live in so our children and our grandchildren will have a world in which to live in to grow in, to learn in, to love in and to pass on to their children. We are committed to changing this world that's God's world, in the first place. Not ours. And I believe we can do it. It's going to take hard work, but we can do it.

    It's going to take people of all faiths including the nation of Islam, but we can do it. It's going to take people of all races, but we can do it. It's going to take Republicans and Democrats, but we can do it. It's going to take the wisdom of the old and the energy of the young, but we can do it. It's going to take politicians and preachers, the government and NGOs, but we can do it. It's going to take educators and legislatures, but we can do it. If I were in a Christian Church, I would say we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. If I were in a Jewish synagogue, I would say is anything too hard for Elohim. If I were in a Muslim mosque, I would say Sha Allah we can do it. If I were pushing one particular candidate, I would say yes, we can.

    But, since this is a nonpartisan gathering and since this is neither a mosque, a synagogue or a sanctuary, just let me say, we can do it. We can make it if we try. We can make the change if we try. We will make a change if we try. A change is going to come. Can you feel it? Can you see it? Can you imagine it? Then come on, let's claim it. Give yourselves a standing ovation while the transformation that's about to jump off. A change is going to come.

  9. Hasani…im going to have to politely disagree, there is all kind of racket on EVERY blog mentioned (including my own), its just how those arguements are framed. Even on some of the more "intellecutal blogs" I've seen people "SON'D" who didn't EVEN REALIZE IT. Just as anything is…its all in the "presentation" and "delivery".

    I was listening to somebody on tv the other day. And they said …other relationships (friendships, familial etc) are just indicators of how well you would get along with a mate. If those have gone unchecked…how well could you really cultivate a life long bond…i digress..but maybe SBM has a point.

    When those other core tendancies fail…how could you be all the better with someone of the opposite sex. When the basic ability to get along is a failure.

    oh well…perhaps I found my topic for today.

  10. While I did try and expand this out to apply to the whole world and entire culture … this post and concept was meant for my readers … my commenters … my family.

    I go to other sites (VSB for example) and just don't see the daily hatred, bickering, and name calling that goes on here. To be perfectly honest, I would say Teacia, Comeback and Hasani get in some hate triangle (like a love triangle … but not) and just trade insults all day. Also, its funny how Teacia is the only person to actually admit "I'm not nice" and take a little responsibility, but the first responses by Hasani and Comeback are "Not me … I'm just standing up for myself".

    I understand there is a hostility around here and people won't always get along, but I want my comments to be this open (thats why I don't censor) forum where people can actually discuss male & female relationships in a constructive manner.

    I find it funny people jumped on me when used b*tch in a title awhile ago … yet "whore", "cum dumptser", and worst is used on the regular.

    No more "please call me". No more "whore"s and other derogatory terms. No more personal beef for the world to scrutinize. No more of these childish insults. This site is officially going positive … kinda.

  11. thats because I despise personal responsibility and introspection. I've never spoken of it. And its rather foreign to me. in the words of Maury (I AM THE VICTIM)…no deflection here ever.

  12. To SBM:

    I've been blogging for 4 years…not a long time but long enough to have read quite a few blogs… from men, women, and different nationalities/ethnic backgrounds…

    With that said…

    It's rare that I have run across the sort of comment section that you have (not to say it doesn’t happen, I just haven’t come across too many). That is neither good OR bad…it is what it is. I figured it was because this site is mainly geared towards dating and some ppl have been hurt by the opposite sex so they find fault with the smallest things.

    I think I have mentioned what I think about your comment section in passing. I have learned to not even bother reading your comments/responses section. Not that I think ppl don’t have valid views (most do)…but because there is a lot of filtering I’d have to do and a lot of information that doesn’t pertain to me.

    Your blog lets me see what may be wandering through the minds of men…good, bad and indifferent.

    With that, your posts/writing makes me laugh, sometimes it puts me on edge, and other times makes me think… that is a sign of a good writer.

    My answer:

    I've dated my fair share of men… I wouldn't and couldn't group all y'all together and make sweeping comments about being dogs….or being gentleman. I can tell you what I have experienced. Maybe because I know…I have been different people for different men. I am not the same with all men…just like all men aren't the same with all women. We all wear different hats depending on our relationship status.

  13. I lurk on this sight and occasionally post but from my observation, the insulting asinine comments come from damaged individuals who take out their bitterness and disappointment about life out on complete strangers. These people can't find happiness nor can they be happy for the success of others. IMHO it is a complete waste of valuable dialogue to engage such individuals in a conversation. My advice would be to speak your peace and/or ignore these people because they get off on angering others and bringing people down to their subhuman level.

  14. I sincerely hope that this blog resonnates because I am really tired of fussing and fighting and defending my views. Hasani I ultimately think that you're a great guy, I can care less about how much you make. I'm no sultan over here and I think you have a good heart…I just really wish you would stop bashing us. Yeah we have our fault, we have our stereotypes, and I am a statistic, but I'm no less an individual who deserves respect.

  15. Whooooa, way to make myself sound like the victim…again I take full responsibility in attacking back. I am no victim…still wish we could get along though.

  16. Teacia..I think you make good points (as well as many others). We take repsonsiblity and we move on. I think things that we shine the biggest light on gets to the most attention. Now this has become the blog topic of the day. So its perpetuated, then RE perpetuated, its then drug out perpetuated again. Until its just as unnerving as if all the back and forth is still continuing.

    The comment that was made the night before last, I was going to reply too. But it just seemed to be again reinitiate all the back and forth. Sometimes behavior self-corrects. Hasani is deeply hurt, but since he seems to ONLY affect me in the "triangle" …I know that I have things to learn from him.

    Ultimately I want everybody;s story to have a happy ending. Thats how you get your blessings.

    I realize that this blog was instituted to have the best intentions, and that its purpose was to inspire dialogue and not instigate proplems, and create more problems when there weren't enough and then be a quasi payton place.

    I stopped commenting yesterday at 4pm…and went out later…and came back to my name STILL making it in the press????

    lol..perhaps i need another break.

  17. I appreciate all that you do for your community and your child Teacia. I know its easier to care only about yourself like every nigga on the planet who thinks they are special and a baller. what made our community great is helpin eachother and not just ourselves. yeah yeah that was you I wrote about on the other blog…. so shoot me I applaud you in that ONE aspect… well two if we count your body…. but damn I feel like im the only black person on the planet that cares about the community and if I am only giving back with part of my time with one job and NO kid , I feel I am not on par with what I could be doing by your lead, with less time.

    but that wont stop me from bringing a hatchet to you guys when you poke me with needles.

  18. I offer to speak to any of you off the blog in private to help. nobody has yet to offer any type of help or cumfort to myself I may add, or anyone else.

    I wonder who told tecia a few months back they appreciate what she does as ….ahem… "C.E.F.O." of her "non profit conglomeration" and if she needed any help to just ask because they are a "sucker" when it comes to charity and helping others??

    Someone was trying to commit a moral sin and take someone elses husband and used "theres not enough black men" as a reason. I wonder who it was who said "I dont care where you live I'll take you on a date" to show that it really wasnt that bad out here in the field…. and then spoke to them off the record and behind the scenes about love and life?

    anyone else offer to help someone who is overweight and trying to lose? I know "someone" said encouraging words and offered to help and even plan a workout … just offering any help they could because they were excited and proud to see another black person buck stereotypes and work hard to improve. or was that more "praise of blond haired white women?"

    saying I prefer dark skinned women is somehow putting down black women? is dark skin somehow a freudian metaphor for hating black women… I thought dark skinned women were black too… im confused.

    I may write in character as a diabolical, yet very posh, meglomanical evil princess….. but HNIC is far from a villan.

  19. *Standing up clapping* Well said SBM. I am not sure if I ever offended anyone on here or insulted anyone but if I did I apologize. Taking the high road makes life a better place. People can't argue with themselves.

    Great post! cue the music…R.Kelly (Happy People Baby!)

  20. And to continue the triangle of explanation:

    ….way to apologize Hasani without actually apologizing…lol. well i guess i'll take that ONE aspect(well 2 if u count ur infatuation with my body) and run with it and continue to live on to whore another day(see how that apology resonnated in my mind).

    Hasani sweetie, here's the thing, with all of the help you offer you proceed it with derogatory statements. You can't say why don't your fat ass put down the ding dongs and stop making excuses, do you want me to help you with a workout plan….uhhh no.

    Or you fake self-appointed CEO, who's using the non-profit as a way to glorify yourself, how can i help…uhhh you can't.

    Or you homewrecking heifer, do you need me to come down there and rescue you from sin….again uhhhhh no.

    And no one is upset that like dark skinned women, it's a good thing Hasani…but you can't praise us in one breath and beat us down in another, and still expect us to take you seriously.

    I don't know, call me a realist but this isn't going to change overnight.

  21. Oh and Comeback no one said anything about you after you left…SBM mentioned your talking about food, but not in a derogatory way…Hasani was too busy making a pass at Renegade and I was popping in and out with no real substance.

    I guess we all need to let go of the "being attacked" mentality if we're going to get pass this. Even when we agree, we disagree. I know I'm tired of it, I've had friends tell me they were tired of it and SBM also seems to be very hurt by the dynamics of his blog family.

    ….well enough with the Kumbayah we are one song and dance…next blog topic.

  22. Teacia I wasn;t talking about SBM re yesterday specficially…

    and you are right..

    sometimes I wonder what becomes the emphasis and the problem…the people YELLING "STOP ALL THE NOISE" or the people consitantly engaged in the same behavior everyday.

    Which is why it suggest that this post really isn't JUST about the infamous Hasani or even CB.

    cues al green ***love peace and happiness***

  23. I enjoy the rants. Sometimes I feel that I can 'fix' other folks while avoiding my own issues. Other times, I feel that my issues aren't as bad as I've mentally crafted them to be…

    Just think how far along we will be if we were to discuss health without calling each other fat; provide tips of gaining wealth without degrading each other's net income. After breaking each other down, building each other back up. Describing how to mainitain a positive relationship, period, without being color guarded.

    Miss ya Mikki! About to tune into Dave.

  24. This post is about people losing respect for a person who used this blog to get ass. And this post is about the backlash. Hasani is just the one wearing the orange jumpsuit in the lincoln tunnel after the crash. He is the most visable and the distraction

  25. "sometimes I wonder what becomes the emphasis and the problem…the people YELLING “STOP ALL THE NOISE” or the people consitantly engaged in the same behavior everyday."

    …both obviously

    "Which is why it suggest that this post really isn’t JUST about the infamous Hasani or even CB."

    …and it's not, i play my part as do some others here and there…although when you two were gone there was no banging and screaming from the rafters. i'm going to keep it real since we're all riding on the edge of truth up in here. generally i get along well with others, i'm super supportive and i try to keep things light. but i'm no angel, when a comment is directed at me i generally pounce and i do it w/o aforethought and with complete malice…and i can care less once it's done. with that being said, when you were taking your sabatical and Hasani went missing there was no fighting…the comment count was down but everyone participated and there was an actual dialogue.

    so call it how you see it, this was a problem before i showed up…so i read and have been told…and it only intesified once i came on the scene…take me out and the problem is still here, take you out and it disappears….draw any conclusion you like. and oh Hasani wasn't always mean, i caught him at the tail end of his niceness…and frankly if you check the records it took one too many times of calling that man broke and a joke before he snapped…none of which i played a part in.

  26. I agree that too much of the "constructive criticism" here is littered with just nastiness. Hasani says things like Fat Ass all the time, and then had the audacity to act like its a f*cking term of endearment (in addition to whore's and that term I won't repeat). Comeback has turned Hasani into a stupid infant who doesn't make enough money and is undeserving of any dates he gets. And Teacia called Hasani weak (which is pretty serious to a guy IMHO) and claimed another 10 years of relationship failure.

    All this flame throwing has killed the high I used to get from my site … *sigh*

  27. u damn right i called him weak and after what he said to me i wouldn't take that shit back for anything, but in all fairness it did take me more than 2 months to even take it there with him…as far the relationship thing goes…i make no excuses, that was dead wrong.

    my apologies SBM for my part in this whole thing and i'm officially done with the back and forth altogether.

  28. Dayummm… I always miss the good stuff! Why didn't someone wake me up and say SBM was putting peeps in check! But I agree with SBM where is the LUV? Keep ya head up .. and take the high road!

  29. *APPLAUSE!* Very well said SBM. I lurk here daily and when I first started coming thru I commented, well, maybe like twice. It didnt take long to realize that no matter how valid, interesting, or constructive to the debate my comments would be that my opnions would be lost in the swirl of negativity and hate that permeates this site. It's unfortunate becasue even though I don't always agree or like what you have to say you are good at saying it. I hope that your fire starters fall back with the nonsense some so that these can be community wide discussions rather than irrelevant written smack downs to people's character and life choices. Unfortunately, judging by the comments already posted it looks like there is no hope for that. Good luck with this all SBM. I will continue to swing thru at the end of the day to read what you have to say and view the carnage that your comments section has to offer.

  30. "This post is about people losing respect for a person who used this blog to get ass. And this post is about the backlash. Hasani is just the one wearing the orange jumpsuit in the lincoln tunnel after the crash. He is the most visable and the distraction"

    …I just love how this comment came out of nowhere…AND went unanswered amongst the frey. I wasn't here from the beginning so I'm a little confused and kind of curious/nosey…please expound.

  31. Yeah … did I get ass from the blog? If I did … go me … cause I aint even know. This blog has lost me ass though … I can say that.


  32. um…is Hasani still not going to admit any fault in this? wow.

    Well, all around a good day, can't wait 'till tomorrow to see everyone on their best behavior.

  33. @Ms. D: I wouldn't say it directly lost it for me, but someone I was dating found the site and then got mad at me and then I had to spend hours "explaining" myself. *sigh* … I remember that one all too fondly.

  34. LMAO!!! That is so unfortunate. I don't understand why they got upset about the blog. But as we can see from here we don't always understand people and their emotions we just have to respect them. I would have loved to hear the conversation…sorry it's just too funny. But I guess as a woman who was interested in you, she could possibly have a few questions about your post, they are a little questionable sometimes…lol

  35. LOL dear Lord up above…can we have a new post. Its like carnarge BURNING and no one puts out the fire. We just come and watch, some people lite another match…

    I will ask why was Hasani beckoned in 37??? that feels like a ^$$% move.

  36. Lmao, Lmao, Lmao, Lmao, Lmao, Lmao, Lmao,

    Was that suppose 2 be funny?……

    Hmm………..STill Lmao

    I need love 4 real……. u 2

  37. @Comeback: I wasn't beckoning Hasani, I thought that maybe he was the one who got some as a result of my site.

    @Ms. D: Questionable … me … never that. If it was online, I would send it to you … and maybe one day I'll give you the details.

    @Teacia: Me?

  38. @Comeback: Also … the post is staying. I need you to read it a few more times … come to terms with your role in the madness … and start to make good.

    Maybe another day of marination will help.

  39. " the post is staying. I need you to read it a few more times … come to terms with your role in the madness"

    I have come to terms. The deeper question is have YOU??? you morph into so many things all at once: the leader, the instigator, the deflector, the victim, the bus driver, the DOT inpector, the hazmat clean up crew, the reporter, the double talking attorney, the best friend (and then the disloyal one).

    but thats already been said, many times and many ways…merry christmas.

  40. …and the saga continues.

    no SBM not you. and i think you're doing a great job with the site, after all this is your blog…so you're kinda sorta entitled to play any role you like and even expected to play all roles. i think another day of this sitting up here will be good for the site…to air out all the wounds if you will. maybe tomorrow more folks will participate(and watch) just to see what unfolds.

    …i'm sure the rants will also take an interesting turn…oh well, good day all…and it is most certainly a good day indeed!

  41. Teacia you are very right. It is his site. And he can be and do what he wants. I am rather disappointed when responsibility isn't MET FULL CIRCLE. Yes things have and had gotten out of hand. Some of SBM's first intrigue at least by me, was that he was a bit provactive. Being a provacateur must be met with some responsibility. But having his "identity being a jealously gaurded secret" removes some of those rules to blogging. And there are in my estimation rules. Kind of like the honor system. Ebay has them. You could market and sell the brookland bridge (in theory)…it just better be there in 7 days first class mail.

    I am rather reactionary at times. And I apologize to you and SBM, Hasani, and anyone else I have offended.

    The other disappointing factor is sometimes you see in people something that just isn't there. man, woman, and cat…that is my downfall. And to that end, I wont return.

    so now everybody can PARTY HEARTY LOL

  42. Comeback you're being a bit extra about all of this, but then again what's new. The boy has a day job, as do most of us here. He does write very provocative topics, as so poignantly stated, so to some extent it is better for him to conceal his identity than to yell it from the mountaintops and then have to deal with the backlash in his real life.

    You and I both know that employers are now searching through people's myspace and facebook pages, looking for any and everything on their employees that they can find to use as indicators of how successful they will be, and even to monitor their level of integrity. I'm sure that search has also been extended to blogsites since its recent explosion onto the cyberscene. Our dear SBM says what he thinks, most of which would not be acceptable conversation in the corporate america, so he writes under a tag. Most of the commentors write a tag and don't post a link with their responses either. Should they be accountable for concealing their identity as well?

    It seems like you're dealing with a bout of rejection because SBM did not reveal his identity to you. The best part of the internet, and writing in general, is that you can write as someone else, it gives you the freedom and the ability to explore your creativity without having to worry about popular opinion. Journalists and authors have been doing it since the beginning of our literary time. There are plenty of bloggers who don't reveal their identity because of the controversial tones of their writing. SBM's blog is not controversial per se in the grand scheme of things, but it is nontraditional, and the man is protecting his livelihood. You don't have to like it, but you can't help but respect it.

    And to end with my very favorite Maya Angelou quote, "…when people show you who they are, believe them..the first time." …take it how you will.

  43. "It seems like you’re dealing with a bout of rejection because SBM did not reveal his identity to you. The best part of the internet, and writing in general, is that you can write as someone else, it gives you the freedom and the ability to explore your creativity without having to worry about popular opinion."

    Actually he did. But I wasn't interested in him romatically…I kind of had my hopes that he and …oh well..its not too late. LOL

    I had written earlier that my personal investment since nov and as his sister site kept me coming back.

    But if you want to believe that I wanted SBM….and if that serves you…because even out of my buddy he chose you. Please believe what you must.

    You are the WINNER.

  44. @Comeback: I don't know if we have to talk offline or what … but you confuse me to no end. As Teacia pointed out, I don't see what problem you have with my "secret" identity, and honestly … a couple people know it. They emailed me … and they asked. But when it comes to putting my name on hear so the Google spiders can associate this place with my name … I'm good!

    Also, Teacia won? And who said anything about you wanting me romantically? And you had hopes about me and who? I hope its not who I'm thinking about … I so hope thats not who your talking about.

  45. lol…Comeback you showing out, you know that right…you're the one who declined to do the guest post…as did I…after of course I wrote for someone else. He was never interested in my writing on his site, but respected your thoughts and opinions and asked you, but you declined while citing me as your reason.."she seems to be more in tune with your female readers, maybe you should ask her"…you try to push me off on the man and then…lol, forget it.

    …and yes he revealed bits and pieces, but you want it all…some people are never satisfied i tell ya.

    He chose me huh…lol…yeah I hear ya.

  46. hell to the naw…let me find out that we're fussing over some dude's attention who none of us have even met…you gotta be kidding me right….ROTFLMAO!!!! this has made me smile…WOW…chics hatin on my keystokes…damn!

    ok, digressing…lol…SBM the blog pimp…pimpin ain't easy…it just ain't muthafuggin' easy…lol.

  47. Why so much drama? It's only a blog folks. People have different opinions. Voice them. Agree/Disagree. Respect the other's point of view regardless if you agree with it or not. SBM your posts are interesting and the comments are too; however after awhile, the bickering back and forth in the comments gets old…but at that point I no longer read the comments.

    I can understand you not revealing who you are because folks be straight tripping and I know at least two people who lost their jobs because of something they said on their blogs. Do you. This is your blog…your world…and whoever stops here needs to respect that fact. If you're not going to clown in your own house, then why take it to someone else's house.

  48. nothing to add here but *smooches* to sbm *hearts and flowers and teaddy bears and candy*…I scroll thru all the madness because its draining even to me – how do the people have time to go and on to people who aren't even in their real worlds…its exhausting and I'm not even involved in it..I try to keep my comments related to the original post … wait you LOST ass??..that sounds impossible to me! HAHA!

  49. Im not gonna say I told you so. But SBM and I spoke behind the scenes on monday. I said to him that contrary to popular belief I wasnt the cause of most of these flames I was just the powder keg that made it worse. I know he was rolling his eyes at me by me "playing the victim" but I pointed out that both all out brawls that happened on this blog happened when I went away for an extended period.

    The irony of us having that conversation….. I get hurt and am offline for 3 days and all of the sudden I come back… and Tiffy and Tecia are bickering…. and TIffy is digging at SBM …..

    oh this post makes me feel so justified you know this right?

    the stereotype that the type must know everything and is entiteled to everything is amazing. I could care less about SBM's identity. feel fortunate that your spying asses know mine and got it by acting like 14 year old's and violating webmaster confidentiality.

    Ill be the martyr here. you guys can run around in my personal life and knowing who I am.. and we can just keep SBM's life a secret.

  50. @SBM: Nice attempt at making peace among the masses here, but much like I told you before that isn't the solution. I do applaud your efforts and it's much appreciated. I wont comment on anything else i've read in here because that imho goes against what you've asked of us knowing that my comment is going to stir the bee hive anyway i'll keep them for our convo's on gchat.


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