Home Submission Beautiful Black Hair: SBM Answers

Beautiful Black Hair: SBM Answers


A reader is having a spat over the style of her hair.  Here is what she told me …

I’ve been dating a guy for about 4 months.  When he met me I had long mid-back length hair but during that time I was also growing out my relaxer for a year.  I’d told him about this countless times but I’m not sure he understood, whatever.   He had been out of town for a week and during that week I decided to cut all of my relaxed hair ends.  After cutting everything off I felt so beautiful with all my curls.  I ended up straightening my hair for an event where he met up with me.  He said something about my short shoulder-length hair but I just brushed it off.  Fast-forward to the weekend, he see’s me with the natural look and his face looks so disgusted!  He was looking at it and was like “Where the hell is your hair???” I explained to him the whole transitioning/cut thing and he responded with ” So you’re bald headed now?” I say  “No, my hair is actually to the bottom of to my shoulders when straightened and you just saw that at the event, now you see my curls”.  Then he gets ignorant and says “At least you don’t have normal black people’s hair! I’m glad you aint nappy” I was thinking WTF!!!  No compliments or anything…just pure ignorance!  I felt like punching his ass and I did not want to be around him much longer at that point. I ignored him for about 2 days because I was so hurt.  He messaged me later with this “I’m NOT into that, Sorry.”  I did not respond back.  Then he came to my house apologizing on my doorstep (I wouldn’t let him inside) about his comments and the message that he sent.  He’s definately an ass and I’m kinda glad that he showed his true colors but now I am SUPER discouraged.  I love my hair because of it’s versatility and have recieved so many compliments when it’s straight or curly.  I’m not saying that one should change their hair for a man but I just hope that my hair doesn’t turn guys off.  Do you think guys like the straight look more?   I’m not sure I can trust him now.  What do you think? Do you also think this is how many men feel?  I didn’t think hair was that serious for men.

First off, I must say that hair is very important to most (if not all) guys.  Its almost like breasts … the opinions vary a lot and include a wide range … but damnit if everyone doesn’t have a preference.  I have one friend who loves girls with mohawks, one who loves the natural look, one who preferes short hair in general, another who hates weaves, and others who like straight and long.  Personally, I like a couple different styles … but I generally detest weaves and I want something I can grab on while I’m … uh … moving on …

See Also:  Why Men "Fear" Courting A Woman

Now that I addressed that … I can’t completely knock the guy for feeling “SomeKindaWay” about the drastic change in hair … I can only fault him for being as ass about it (even an asshole such as myself knows better than to say “at least your not nappy”).  Is this guy white by chance?

While in the perfect world he would only love you for the contents of your soul and the virtue of your character, the reality is that hair is a big thing.  You losing some 12 to 24 inches of your hair considering the “dating” period has been relatively short (4 months), its kind of like someone gaining or losing 20 lbs.  The person may now be too skinny, or too fat, causing problems to ensue.

The main thing I want to say to you … don’t be discouraged.  I know personally, I love short and curly.  Unless this dude is like the greatests motherf*cker in existance, and your willing to change, and your willing to put up with the showing of his ass, and your willing to ignore his ignorance … then change and grow your hair out.  Since I’m willing to assume he isn’t worth it … in this case I will say to move on.

See Also:  SBM Answers: Should I buy the plane ticket?

As long as your hair looks good … every guy might not like it … but there are plenty who will!

Am I wrong?


  1. I stoped reading as soon as she said she had mid back hair and cut it….. like seriously…. does she want me to slap her for such an affront?

    Hell Ill take it a step FURTHER… not only do we LOVE and obsess over long hair.. long hair is an indication in american standards of how happy your woman is. Is it an absolute? no…. but we all have seen chicks get mad at their men and go snip snip… or the woman who is thinking about leaving her husband go snip snip and dye job and see what kinda …..ahem…. attention they can get. I dont wanna brag but the last woman I lived with had hair down to the middle of her back …. hollaaaaaa.

    I have such a thing for long silky black hair… hell I even give white women with long dark hair bonus points.. i just rub dark n lovely on their ends to make it smell better while they sleep…. but i never for the life of me understand or CARE abuot the whole "oh I had split ends" and "I had to cut out the dye job" and the "I had to make it even" my good golly I have gotten them all.

    I recently took out a gal (miss hippie) who when we went to a local spot all the fellas said they didnt recognize her cuz she had cut her hair so short. I immediatly got worried cuz a woman known for her silky long hair by men is all of the sudden on my arm and she has short hair…. that usually = distress. Low and behold she calls me lastnight… to say the classic "its not you… its me, Im having self problems and dont want to drag you into this" line I always seem to get. I shoulda known the chick who radically chops her hair has issues (she was #47 for those counting at home)!

    Im more drastic than SBM… losing that much hair is like you gaining 60-70lbs and ya'll know how I feel about sloppy chicks to begin with. I also gotta agree with dude… I hate non processed or straightened hair. to me that whole "its the white mans curse to make us try to look like this, I want to liberate myself" is corny. to me its mostly chicks bein lazy… wake up at 5:45 and do your hair like everyone else.

    did I mention how much I love long silky black hair?

  2. I'm calling bullshit on this one! The reality is that most women grow their hair out FOR men not for ourselves. We cut it because it's a liberating feeling, not because we are going through some self esteem issues. In fact you have to be pretty damn cocky to rock a short cut right, and not every chic can do it. We sometimes cut it as a symbol of starting fresh, because after all you can always GROW IT BACK!!

    I for one have always worn a weave, even when my own hair was down my back…I have friends who do the same. I have just always liked the versatility and being able to change it bi-weekly. I cut my hair when I was ready for a change, it was the shedding of the old and embracing the new. Every guy I have dated who sees me with the long and then with the short prefers the short oddly enough. I personally like them both. I think the short is a more striking look on me but the long hair is a better accessory. Today I'm weaving my hair up to offset these 7lbs I gained, when I lose the weight I'll lose the hair. You see it's just an accessory we use to draw your attention from our other flaws b/c most guys are like Hasani and prefer the long and straight.

    We sometimes hide our insecurities behind our hair, just like some men hide behind their bodies. I say do you, I have always admired the chics who rock their curly locks…my hair is thick and curly and I refuse to be bothered with that nonsense so I relax the mess out of it and weave it up when I need change. Let your soul glo girl and forget about that fool.

    **SBM does this mean that we can never date…I loooooove my weaves and I'm not ready to give them up yet.**

  3. @Hasani: WTF man … really? Short hair is indicative of self esteem issues? Man … I don't even know how I want to respond to that. But in short … there is nothing wrong with short hair and I do believe your comments are damn near racist. Especially for some who preaches for love and nappyness … who the f*ck you gonna have nappyness yet your chastising this girl for shortening her hair?

    @Teacia: I guess it wasn't meant to be …

  4. Wow…"long hair is an indication of how happy you are"? It's a good thing you're not a woman Hasani, you probably wouldn't like yourself very much.

    In all honesty, women like change…we've always been that way. Look at the cover of any women's magazine, you'll see at least one article on EACH of them on how to change something about ourselves. One of the easiest things to change is our hair. THAT'S why we do it, for the most part.

    I would also like to point out, that short hair being indicative of self-esteem issues is possibly the least intelligent thing I've heard on this site. In fact, it takes a lot more self-esteem and confidence to rock short hair. You HAVE to be fly to rock short hair. Spend the rest of this week looking around at short-haired sistas. Most of them will have their shyt cut to precision, shiny, and every hair in place. They have on fly earrings, their make-up is tight, their outfits are on point and shoes are bangin'. Report back to me after you've looked around. A real life example of that is me. I rocked a natural for five years…it went back and foth from short to long (I get scissor happy). When I moved to Atlanta, I got bored with my hair and permed it. It wasn't long, it was shoulder length. Somehow, my self-esteem started going down hill. I lost alot of confidence. I'm not saying it was directly correlated to me perming my hair but it's an interesting turn of events, chronologically. A lot of things in my life were going wrong and they could all be credited to a lack of confidence (yes Teacia, ME with a lack of confidence, lol). I decided things needed to change and I thought back to when in my life had I been the most confident…it was when I had a short natural. Of course, you know what I did…cut all my damn hair off. There was an immediate turn around in my self-esteem, which sparked an immediate turn around in my circumstances. And trust, the fellas are still gettin' at me…even more so now, nothing like a cute chic with confidence.

    @SBM, you aren't wrong. Men have preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. There is definitely something wrong with the ignorant comment that dude made. I had a homegirl that was natural tell me she was considering straightening her hair b/c she was having trouble meeting guys and asked me if I was experiencing the same (since I was natural). I told her no. Just as many men, if not more, compliment me when my hair is curly than when it's straight. There's nothing wrong with men having preferences…but I wouldn't change my hair for a dude. If she likes her hair, she should stick with it and understand that every guy isn't going to like it…and plenty more will.

  5. @Hasani…I just read the rest of your post…now I see why people attack you on here. Let me clue you in on a little sumthin…it takes just as much if not more work to maintain non-processed hair as it takes to maintain processed hair. Going natural is not an act of laziness. Just like men have a preference…women have preferences for themselves (surprise!) some women would rather have the versatility of wearing their hair straight or with their natural curl and you can only do that if you don't process it. If a girl wants to do that, say you don't like it and move on but don't go around trying to pass judgement on her choice.

    And after more than one or two occassions of having a hairdresser leave relaxer on my scalp long enough to burn it and put scabs in my damn head…having a perm just didnt seem worth it. Call me crazy…

  6. SBM you are right, every man has a preference. Some like it short/long/natural or weave 🙂

    The guy mentioned in your post has some issues that have nothing to do with her. Beauty is not "her hair" and apparently he was with her for the wrong reason. He apparently doesn't care about her at all. He cares about the hair, not the woman.

    Self-esteem & short hair–now that's some B.S.. I couldn't do nothing but laugh reading that. Some women genetically can't grow long hair. Some women chose to wear short hair. And as Breelicious says, it takes a confident woman to rock short hair so if anything–their self esteem is not lacking. Shoot you don't have to be confident and can rock short hair and look good doing it.

    It's all about preference. If you want to rock short today, long tomorrow…it's a woman's prerogative. If the man want to be with her because of her hair choices then apparently he's not that into her in the first place.

  7. No it dosent…. you act like I wasnt raised with a sister and nieces and hell I even had long hair MYSELF. I have sat in the kitchen with sissy and cuzzin Tara and aun eva many a friday night wit the hot comb on the stove. the smell of hot hair and coconut oil mixed with dark n lovely.

    I go to the gym EVERYDAY cough (cept sunday) us men workout and stay fit so you have something to look at and find attractive. Now I could eat twinkies and sit on my ass every weekend… I could wear overalls and flip flops because they are comfortable and not fake name brand… I could grow out my hair and let it fall down like sideshow bob and not shave my Osama Bin ladden beard…. but none of those things are attractive to the majority of women out there so why would I do that????

    Im waiting for the first woman to stop up and say "but I dont care what a man does with his hair" so I can link back to a few blog post ago when people were talking about guys with dreds are silly..

    now… I belive in no pain no gain obviously. It takes work to look good. I wasnt born a super model so I have to go get my hair cut and pay the 9 dollars extra for the shape up of the mustache and beard… EVERY WEEK.

    bree if you like your hair the way you like it… DO YOU GURL. Its amazing how you agree with sbm that men can have an opinion and then attack me for having mine because its the opposite of what you are… amazing.

    SBM: racist? negro PLEASE.

    what part of" I like black hair" is me saying I hate white people?!! How am I racist… last time I checked I lived with a white person. so now I am a racist and my life has 180ed from living in harmony to being the black Hitler?

  8. DAMn Teacia thats a weave?!?! you just lost me 20 bucks from the guy at work….. I said… naw sonthose find dark chocolate sistas just have silky hair like that.. go back to your high yellow ones" and he was like "nah thats a weave I bet ya 20 on it"

    Dont matter Im a sucker for a good weave any day, Ill sew in the tracks and the whole 9 keeps me happy 😀

  9. @Hasani: Man … when I said racist I don't mean you hate white people … meant your racist against us. But racist really isn't the right term, more like misinformed or not accepting of your own culture … that's a better fit.

    @Bree: I agree … it takes significant amount of Female Swag to rock the short hair.

    @Hasani (Again): I just remembered the braids argument! Lol … your right … I wish one of these chics would say some BS about hair not mattering.

  10. Interesting, her story reads like one of my past relationships. I have always had long naturally curly hair but during my sophomore year in college I decided to go for a complete chop. So I went to the barber..walked in with hair like Kelis…came out with a short curly little fro. I was so proud of my hair cut…that was until my boyfriend at the time, saw it. When I walked in the Rutgers dining hall…it was like everyone dropped their forks and mouths. My boyfriend, "Mr. Football Player" came rushing at me and asked wtf did I do to my hair…needless to say he hated it. All I could do was laugh at him and walk away because I always knew how much of a self-hating negro he was. If it wasn't light..it wasn't right…if a woman didn't have naturally straight or curly hair…he wouldn't give them the time of day. Needless to say that relationship didn't last much longer.

    Till this day, my hair is still a pretty good length, but I can say since living in the MD/DC area, when my hair is straight, black men will fall to my knees…but don't let them see it in it's curly state. I'll get comments like, "Oh you one of those natural chicks". But on the flipside, I have noticed that I'm approached by more white men when it is curly and they're always the ones giving me more compliments.

  11. It's unfortunate that the reader's boyfriend reacted that way. What is VERY fortunate is that he showed his natural ass only 4 months into the game. Poof, be gone!

    I relax my hair and color it. It's what I like and I'm the one who is paying for it. If someone else had five on this, then their opinion would hold some weight with me.

    Men like women have been brainwashed to think that only relaxed hair is beautiful. That's wrong. All of hair is beautiful, no matter how you rock it. But no matter how you rock it, take care of it or you will never get any play.

  12. It seems as thought everyone on here presents an interestting point, some of which I agree and/or disagree.

    Well, I have curly hair, and since October 07, has been 100% natural. I love it and I hate it. I love the fact that men go "goo goo" over a brown skin chick with such deep waves, I love the fact that men want to rub there hands through my long black remi sew-in (because it just looks so real when mixed in with the straightened version of my hair), I also like when I get braids or kinky twists put in, and I get all sorts of compliments on the new, yet temporary look (this happens more so at the gym for some reason) . . . HOWEVER, I hate the fact that I have to comb this mess out every day or every other day, I hate all the extra time it takes me to get ready in the morn, I hate when I have to leave the house with wet hair when it's cold outside, I hate the fact that I have to spend sooo much more money on hair products to properly care for my hair, I hate that it takes me over an hour to CHI it, but is completely messed up as soon as any type of moisture hits it.

    The hair is a gift and a curse that I have learned to deal with. But, like someone mentioned earlier, I have the ability to grow long hair, and not feel like I'm subjected to ridicule and dislike because I don't or can't.

    I agree with the female swag thing, and I must that it takes a special kind of sister, with the right sized head, to rock that short look. If anything, it ADDS to the confidence and swag they already have. One of my close friends gets soooo many compliments on how good her hair looks when we go out. I thought about a short chop, but I can't bring myself to deal with hearing it from my mom and dad. They'd never let it go, especially my old man.

    Honestly, at the end of the day, if you have a pretty face and an air of self-confidence, men will dig you regardless. You can glue, sew, stich a new hair style, but nothing can replace one's confidence. You can be the baddest thang with the prettiest hair, and have low to no self-esteem, and people will instantly detect it. I have learned that if you love yourself, everyone else will like you.

  13. HNIC…do you realize hair can grow back? Also you said you DON'T like non-processed/straightened hair…so do you like white girls or not? Most of their hair is NOT processed. I don't know what backwards ass city you live in but long hair does not equate to happiness.

  14. @Renegade…THANK YOU! You are so right and I really appreciate you pointing out that having a natural is the opposite of being lazy. When mine was long, I would spend 2-4 hours twisting it up on a sunday to spend another 30 mins untwisting it Monday morning and another 10 minutes fluffing it to get the right amount curly fullness….trust, it takes much more time and attention. When I had a perm, I wrapped that shit at night and combed it out in the morning…that was it.

  15. where did my post go?

    I was saying when my hair is straight, I get alot of cat-calling

    when my hair is curly, I get alot endearing comments, professional men approach me, guys go out of their way to open doors for me or give up their seat on the train.

    I don't act or dress differently, but depending on how I wear my hair the responses are like night and day.

  16. Ok…so I'm late to the paaartay!!

    Ummmm Hasani, yes it's a weave. I'm the queen of weaves…I'm the chic who spent $400 on a full lace weave, another $150 for the installation only to rock it for 3 weeks(damn shame really), and it has since been chillin on the mannequin head in my closet for the past 3 months. *ladies save your money, they're more work than they're worth*…then again I live in florida and the humidity makes it impossible for the adhesive to stick for longer than a few weeks.

    Also Hasani my hair underneath my weave in most of my pictures was just as long as the weave in some cases. So tell your friend that black women are capable of having long and silky hair. I'm just addicted to my weaves b/c I can do so much with them.

    Oh yeah, hair also changes geographically. My homegirl from the West Coast rocked her natural and after living here for about 6 months was feenin for a perm. The humidity down here is HORRIBLE…so very few people in the FLA go unrelaxed.

  17. SBM is it the way some weaves look that you detest you…because I'm personally ready to become a licensed cosmetologist if only to rid the world of bad weaves. Sweetheart you can pull my weave, trust me it's on there tight…lol…and even if a track slips I do them myself so it will only take a sec to fix it…lol.

    And I can't stand BRAIDS on a man, or ungroomed dreads. Hair most certainly matters, but cleanliness is more important to me than anything else. I think that braids are generally a sign of immaturity, but then again I like my men refined and nothing about a man with braids says refined.

  18. Teacia, a good weave does wonders but a bad weave–oh my goodness, don't even want to go there…lol

    The thing is one should not be able to tell if it's a weave.

    I've worn weave and people assume that's it my hair. The only difference is the weave usually has highlights. I now know what colors compliment my complexion so I'm trying to decide which shade I want when I get my hair dyed this week. I've rocked auburn before and liked it, but I'm leaning towards honey brown right now.

  19. when i was living in Nigeria, i saw some of the most beautiful women in the world with bald heads just food for thought, folk who never live or go to Africa have or are oftened brainwashed with eurocentric beauty standards

  20. Happy Monday Fam!!!!

    Ah the age old discussion of hair. I would tell this young lady to do what makes her happy. As I always say if someone can't take the way you roll tell them to roll out. As a women the way we feel about our hair effects the way we flow. If you feel like your hair is hot then your outfit and the way you flow will show it, and vice versa. Don't let anyone dictate what you should/shouldn't do with your body.

    I think the natural look is cool. I have tried it myself but my hair broke off really bad so it didn't work so I had to go back to a relaxer. Now my hair is growing back. My cousins and guy friends hate weave but they can never tell its a weave unless they have their hand in your scalp. I do whatever the hell I want to do with my hair, hell its mine…lol.

    That guy was being an asshole simply because he just doesn't get it. Even if he wasn't feeling your new look he could have said it in better manner. That says alot about him. Do you girlfriend and fcuk those that can't get with the program. There are plenty men that love the natural look.

    I don't understand why grown ass men think they should have braids. I love dreads if they neat outside of that you are GROWN ASS man cut the shit off!

  21. U know, I have a guy friend who hates weave…he revealed to me that he's had a lot of bad experiences with dancing with chics in the club and them flinging their funky unwashed weaves in his face. He tends to think (and isn't totally wrong) that a lot of chics get weaves and get lazy…i.e. they don't wash their hair and that's just not a good look.

    I have another guy friend that hates fake hair, he doesn't want it touching him, says it gives him the shivvies. HAHA…he's sort of a weirdo though.

    Yes, healthy hair = happy. Happy people take good care of themselves, whether their hair is short or long. It's a whole lot of girls walking around with long hair looking busted! I think I dislike it more when I see a chic hanging onto her length at the cost of ugly a$$ split ends, dead ends, and thinning hair. I love my BFF b/c she's not that far in denial, her hair grows to the middle of her back but she keeps it around bra level or a little shorter because she recognizes that the longer her hair gets the thinner and stringier it looks…that ain't cute. I also can't stand girls that go natural cuz their "enlightened" and don't take care of their hair…u ain't no better than a chic with a perm. I don't care how your hair is, just take care of it.

  22. P.S. cornrows are played out…let that shyt go! Ludacris cut his, follow suit! You don't see me rocking colored BONGO jeans and Rayon shirts do ya! Cuz it's played out!

  23. "You don’t see me rocking colored BONGO jeans and Rayon shirts do ya! Cuz it’s played out!"

    ….man i use to love me some Bongo shorts from the Body Shop…think I may still have a pair in a box somewhere…lol. this was hilarious as hell!!!

    yeah fellas…let it go already!

  24. @rawdawg: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. here's the thing, we're not in africa…most of us have never even visited and some don't even plan to. we're in america…and although i embrace my african roots, when in rome….yeah, exactly.

    i do believe that we as americans are brainwashed with false ideals of beauty, but the key is to do what makes you feel beautiful…you can't knock a chic if she's on her game with a 14' remi weave. if it makes her happy and it's not hurting anyone, i don't see the big deal…if no one is dying as a result of perms, relaxers, weaves or short cuts then what's the big deal??!?!

    you gotta do what makes your inner being smile, you need to be able to exude beauty from inside out. if a few extra inches here and there accessorizes that beauty then it shouldn't matter. hair should never be worn as an indicator of self love, only as an accessory to it. i love myself, it radiates from within me, sometimes i'm having a bad day and changing something helps…hair is the quick fix…then the day passes, no one is hurt and i still have a rocking new doo…it's no biggie.

  25. rawdawg, I date alot of nigernians….. ALOT. Im not sure how but every time I think I am going out on a date with a cute dark skined black woman I find out she is west african. Seems to be alot of them going to Princeton .

    Heres the puzzle

    I meet alot of overweight short haired sistas who say Im heavy because of my african genes and I listen to Eryka Bahdu, Jill Scott and wear my hair like this to "get back to my african roots"….

    then I date actual women FROM africa….

    they are slender and call us americans fat…Are meticulous about their clothes and getting their hair done, and listen to Gospel and R&B…..

    someone is off here…..

  26. I met a chick who rocked a fade. I give props where props are do and she did her thang with that!

    Men with neat/well maintained dreads as well as bald heads are a weakness for me (also give me a little facial hair; no baby face please). Holla!

    Just recently I had a bad weave and looked like cousin It. Just goes to show you shouldn't sit in everyone's chair.

    My hair is shoulder length right now. It's okay; I do love coming from my new stylist with nicely relaxed hair, compliments of Design Essentials, with a silky feel, thanks to ceramic irons. However, I love having the short hair. The crown of my hair suffers from life long breakage and when my hair is short, it looks healthier. I can style it in several different ways (the wilded out "finger in the socket" look is my favorite). The short hair actually gives the illusion that I've lost weight. Two thumbs up.

    @ Guest: One day he talking about your hair, the next day he is talking about how you act in public around his friends. Next week, he doesn't like that you spend too much time talking to your best male friend (gay or straight), next month he doesn't like the way your pronounce "bank." Take it as a learning experience and be thankful your see how he is now.

    How does India.Aire say it…"I am not my hair…"

  27. hasani americans are fat…period. the women you speak of who make these excuses are an indicator the black female populations. honestly i can say that i don't know one woman who feels that way about their hair and their appearance. we take more accoutability than you give us credit for.

  28. @rawdawg, I have visited the motherland (Nigeria), and please believe they are brainwashed as well, as lucidly illustrated by the dense use of skin bleaching creams AND weaves. I made not of it, because I was soooo surprised, having thought that it was plight only blacks in America dealt with.

    @HNIC, if anything, I think, f that, I know I was waaaay lazier with doing my hair when I had my weave. I had to make sure my real hair was straight, had to make sure I tied it down at the gym, because I didn't wanna be lookin' like boo boo da fool with my natural curls in the front and a 14" remi in the back…not a good look.

    Another good thing about weave is that you can do whatever to it you would do to your natural hair, but you don't have to worry about the reprecussions of too much heat or color or whatever. All you gotts do is cut that mess out.

    UGH, and for those women who don't know how to take care of their weave (and most likely their real hair, because you should in many regards, treat them the same), get it together. If you got a homegirl that needs to be told how to take care of it, I'm holding classes on the weekends. LOL!! I suppose if i were a man who had bad expereinces with women and bad weaves, I'd probably be averse to them as well.

  29. Teacia: I had no clue its a weave, but you look very VERY sexy dispite me not liking most of what you say.

    You have a Kid….. a job… a non profit…and various hobbies yet still find time to keep your "wig warped tight" and look damn doable in the process.

    My types appreciate that. Americans are brinwashed as far as what beautiful???? Ya … the WRONG way. Look how many brothas you see with fat chicks. We as americans are more lax on what defin beauty than other countries. They would burn King magazine in india and Pakistan yall.

    Miss Universe pageant is usually a good indicator of what the world thinks is pretty.

    So I wont say we are brainwashed as a society to like waif thin women with bright smiles and silky hair with elegant gates to their walk….. id go out on a limb and say most men in the world do.

    I love cute silky hair and I love long hair. real fake or otherwise. Me going to the gym 6 days a week and eating my yummy brown rice with grilled chicken and spinach is not a "natural" either, but its a look women in general prefer over pot bellied bird chested types.

    Dont shoot me Im just the messenger and its just my observation.

  30. Hasani, I believe that someone who is off is YOU!

    Fam, did yall check out how he had to put an emphasis on dating A LOT of Nigerians. I bet he can count the number of Black/"African" American friends he has on one hand. Instead of disturibing the peace, I'm just going to say….Hasani, do you…

  31. TheRenegade:

    You look marvelous. I love your weavalisciousness and would carry you on my back to the beauty salon every 14 days to keep the buck shots off the back of yo neck!

    can someone cue in the brotha from Princeton what a remy is? I have a crush on Remy Martin the entertainer (but have never seen her just her voice) is it named after her or something? what is it?

  32. Must the blog moron bring weight into EVERY issue? You like Erykah Badu? You must be fat. You like Tamia, you must be skinny. Ladies, rock what you feel and base how you look on what YOUR preferance is rather than the ignorance of others. Weight and hair are not related.

  33. Neonnea why h8?

    I cant share an opinion thats opposite to yours? Yes I seem to date alot of Nigerian women. If I lived in Arizona Id prob date alot of Philippa women. If I have 2 black friends or 22 black american friends… does that somehow destroy my credibility as to what I like and make my OPINION somehow "wrong" in some way?

    If you want me to date more black women… tell the ones I take out to not care about how much $$ I dont have and how geeky I may be 🙁

    All my 2nd dates this year have been with foreign born black women for some strange reason. Ive been out with plenty of both however, more so the american born sistas because that is what I am steering for, but not limiting myself to.

    Nice of you to be so kind to "ASSume" though my dear 🙂

  34. HNIC: Just when I feel like I'm having a bad or an ugly day, you go and make me feel so special…

    Oh, and I don't have buckshots (my hair is fine). LOL!! It was a funny comment though.

    Remi is a type of hair. I think it is indicative of how it's sewn on the weft perhaps. I could be wrong, BUT all I know is that it matches my hair to perfection.

    Oh, I forgot one thing. No one has mentioned how some people don't know how to match their hair type with the weave. I hate when I see someone with "yacky" like hair, and they don' stuck a remi silky straight on the back of that mess. Come on now!! That is a hot mess.

  35. Hasani baby,

    It's not need for me to assume, because it only makes an ASS out of U and ME. I'm just reading the writings on the blog.

    I no longer have a desired to make a "good guy" out of you with your laundry list of standards. Dark n lovely skin, long silky hair, body like a 13 yr old boy, 50 yrs of age or older (Did I do a good job describing Iman?), willing to take care a destress young man like yourself who always take shots at the beautiful and possible above averaged sized defined by American standard, women that frequent this site. You can do your own dirty work and find a woman; this ain't elimidate.

    The A LOT of Nigerian parts just cosigned on the point SBM made about you disliking your own Black culture.

  36. Teacia, maybe is you lose those 7 lbs you claimed earlier, you will go from doable to highly fuckable in Hasani's book…this is comedy!

  37. LOL…yall are killing me. I just had to rush off to the salon because one of my homegirls was getting her hair cut and freaking out. Our other homegirl called me and said get here right now…and since this is my stylist she is going to I had to go and calm the situation.

    In the end, her short cut is the shiznit!!!! I love my short cut, really I do…but I can't deal with it right now if I'm really going to be hitting the gym hard. It sweats out in T-9 seconds…and then I would have to mold it, rewrap and sit back under the dryer, which would waste the money on getting it done in the first place. So I instead save myself a few bucks and weave my own hair.

    Now Remi is actually a virgin brand of quality hair, meaning it's nonprocessed…there's all kinds of Remy…like Remi Yaki, Indian Remi and European Remi just to name a few. I use Bobbi Boss Remi Yaki or Velvet Outre Remi(depending on my pocketbook) because I have thick hair and silky straight would just look stupid on me.

    ….Anyways what were we talking about…oh yeah it should matter as long as you actually take pride in your appearance and keep your hair neat and clean. Everyone is entitled to their preference. Hasani be easy now…you can't talk about black women and their hair and not expect a backlash…I still love you though.

  38. @Neonnea: SBM is bald and has a beard…lol…he's right up your alley. I've decided to let my ambitions for his affection go…I wear weaves and he detests them.

    *sighing*….and so the story goes.

    Oh and I'm sure 7lb weight loss or not Hasani would still do me…lol. I have a feeling he doesn't put as much credence into his "list" as he so exclaims.

  39. DONT TALK ABOUT MY REMMY MA YO!! gawsh your a hater!!

    I love her voice on the radio and it sounds so cuters puters (flutters eyes)

    So Bree clearly dosent appreciate a black woman and is racist. She hates her own kind. Remy has a black womans voice. Its husky and has an urban accent to it with her sexy northern twang to it. see if you were from the "hood" like I am, you would appreciate how REAL sexy black people sound! (see how silly other peoples logic sounds comming from my fingers?)

  40. Teacia for being the cohort of my Silky haired love affair nemesis, you seem to be clicking on all cynilders today as far as rationality. I guess when you fall into my umbrella of thought you can hear what Im saying, but if you fall outside of it, people will skim and jump to conclusions. So a heavy chick wit bad hair who is ugly, lazy and treats black men as objects insted of people…. would hate every word I say I guess.

    We seem to be on the same page though about this one.

    Now … OBVIOUSLY…. anyone who reads the blog knows I have been on "a few" dates these past year. 47 to be exact. now if your ignorant enough to think that I am like women and have a LAUNDRY LIST of types I will only date… your just…well… ignorant. If I found 47 Tall, dark skined, part time model, that eat fish and chicken and go to the gym daily, with long silky hair,cared more about love than money, valued family, Posh yet somehow does lots of charity work and community service, high morals, no kids, dosent smoke, drink, use drugs, oh and lets not forget the PHD/M.D. too…. ya If I dated 47 of those I would need to have my own reality show to replace Hugh Hefner.

    Just because it turns me on dosent mean its a rule/absolute. For my "fans" out there I put up a picture of me and my latest date on my myspace. Light skined, Unprocessed Afro, no PHD (not even an MBA actually),big boobs, from "Queensbridge" area like NAS (which is SO not Princeton) and an admitted recovering "angry black woman"… ok so maby she does a LITTLE bit of modeling. so shoot me for liking a pretty gal. but its a far cry from me bein made out by "Ignorant angry" types to be some haughty pretentious brotha that I am not.

  41. I think that good hair should be qualified as "hair that is kept in good condition..texture of no importance" As long as you keep your hair looking good it shouldnt matter the texture or the length.

    I personally have always had long hair but thats just what I am used to..

    Shameless plug… visit my blog http://www.blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com

    I visit here everyday so why not a lil plug

  42. "Fuck him girl, fuck him" (c) Martin Lawrence

    I cut my shoulder length relaxed hair off in college to about a couple of inches. I felt good about it. Guy friends who I wasn't even romantically involved with came up to me wondering why I hadn't asked them FIRST! LOL. Now my hair is still natural, but I wear it mostly straightened. I know men who love it one way and love it the other, those who couldn't care less. I choose flattering hairstyles no matter which texture I'm rocking that day, so it's all good.

    Who wants to be with a man who is THAT shallow? Preferences are one thing, I'll give you that. But to be making those comments about naps and good hair? I wouldn't be able to stomach him. I'd tell that chick to do what she feels is comfortable and attractive and the men will follow. When I cut all my hair off, sure there were some guys who just weren't into me, but a whole new crop of men began approaching.

    If you're fly, you're fly.

  43. Hey y'all,

    I've been "lurking" in this blog for about a week and a half and I finally figured I'd respond to something…lol.

    Like people have been saying, everybody has a personal preference, but to me the confidence/swag that a woman has while wearing a style is WAY more important. Any of my friends could tell you that i'm a sucka for women rockin' naturals/afros (don't get me started…lol), but that would NEVER stop me from approaching any beautiful woman…regardless of what she has on top her head. There just seems to be more important characteristics to worry about to me…

  44. It always "feels good" to chop your hair and "go natural"

    same thing goes for sex…. why wear condoms they arent natural?

    ya I really dont feel like taking care of my children. it feels good and makes me feel very liberated to just do whatever I want to with my money.

    man I should just take steroids insted of eating right and going to the gym. It feels more liberating for me to go to the gym for only 15 minutes than to have to go 9 times a week. they didnt life weights when we were on the plains of africa killing elephants for our food brothers and sisters… did they?

    I dont think any of my white friends should get haircuts or shave. the cavemen got tons of women with their unkept beards and long sappy oily hair. they need to get back to their cavmanic roots roots and do what feels more liberating for them.

    I dont think I should commit to one woman. it feels natural for me to seek out as many women and have sex with as many women as I can. Im getting back to my African roots, americans have damaged the process of natural selection with their views on monogamy. It feels very liberating to not have one woman who I care about with all of my heart to not be able to tell me what to do with my time.

    I want money. I feel since I am bigger and stronger than most people.. I should just rob the next asian guy I see. Damn americans and their code of laws and ethics. They are impeding on darwinism and the order of natural selection. THe bigger and stronger of our society should have what they want for the better of the species. besides it feels very liberating to take what I want.

    theres a ton of things one can do just because its easier… you just have to deal with the repercussions.

    Dont shoot me, my date lastnight had this conversation with me when I told her about our blog topic.

  45. @Hasani: Why must you be so extra? Now cutting down your hair is equivalent to ejaculating into a woman with no condom. Man … I think your on that stuff.

    @Blu Hulk: I agree … a lot more important things than the hair. The swagger is a lot more important.

  46. I agree with the many of you who have said that everyone is entitled to preferences, but the views and ideals of some are simply ignorant. A woman should rock her hair however she wants, regardless of what men have to say. I have friends with lovely weaves, long hair, short hair, afros, and locks like myself. I used to keep my hair permed in this Houston humidity and felt beautiful with it, but decided to grow out my perm, cut it off, and grow dreadlocks, of which I keep well groomed and differently styled (LOTS of work HNIC)! Ladies I say do you, love you; no one can love you unless you love yourself.

    P.S. Enjoying the music of Erykah Badu and Jill Scott does not equal fat and unhealthy, but a woman who likes good music and probably enjoys some John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, Beyonce, Bach, Clark Sisters, Lil Keke, Rihanna, Kirk Franklin, Coldplay, jazz, classical, gospel, screw, etc. and a conglomeration of other musical types and genre, while maintaining a healthy physique and loving herself.

  47. HAHAHAHA….i just read this…I don't appreciate black women and I'm a racist…that is priceless. I needed that laugh, I've had an awful first two "vacation" days.

  48. @SBM in short… YES

    the word is called " principal "

    depending on how you view the world and apply the principal each of those things can seem sinister or just.

    My point is just how far do you take this whole "Im gonna not be like everyone else, just because its easier" motif?

    everyone is entitled to their own opinion and style. I love me some silky black hair.

  49. Been there, done that. I think it's about being secure in yourself and your needs. I made up my mind to be natural (not for political reasons, despite what most think) … I wanted the versatility of going from short and curly to long and straight, like your reader mentioned, and I LOVE my hair, even if it is NAPPY lol.

    If her guy is that bothered by it, tell him kick rocks. She can AND WILL find another who will accept it, if not love it.

    However, I think he should have gotten some kind of warning. Some guys don't understand what being natural means … and how that looks different. It can be a hell of a shock.

  50. Sometimes I get super confused reading through all the comments on here. So I am just going to give my opinion

    1. I hope this doesnt offend anyone but, i have major respect for black woman simply for their hair (well other reasons too but hair is the current subject). I could never go through what they do with their hair. And I am thankful every day my best friend's daughter got her mom's hair and not his.

    2. @rawdawgbuffalo i LOVE the look of a bald head on some women but you REALLY have to be able to own your style and know how to wear it to get away with it.

    3. I am of the mindset that we don't cut our hair because of guys we cut it because we want it cut. Or because our stylist for some reason today doesn't know the difference between 3 inches and 7 inches of hair…

    4. @Hasani do you believe there is any such thing as hair that is too long? Some girls I see with super long hair just look trashy. It gets hard to take care of at a certain point leaving it looking very wrong.

    5. @Teacia unkept dreads are gross i can't handle them. That is why I am always so willing to help do my friends dreads when he is too lazy to get to the back of his hair.

    6. I view braids on men the same as i view bald women. You have to be able to own the style and it has to look right. Most men shouldn't wear braids but there are a few here and there that actually look good.


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