A reader is having a spat over the style of her hair. Here is what she told me …
I’ve been dating a guy for about 4 months. When he met me I had long mid-back length hair but during that time I was also growing out my relaxer for a year. I’d told him about this countless times but I’m not sure he understood, whatever. He had been out of town for a week and during that week I decided to cut all of my relaxed hair ends. After cutting everything off I felt so beautiful with all my curls. I ended up straightening my hair for an event where he met up with me. He said something about my short shoulder-length hair but I just brushed it off. Fast-forward to the weekend, he see’s me with the natural look and his face looks so disgusted! He was looking at it and was like “Where the hell is your hair???” I explained to him the whole transitioning/cut thing and he responded with ” So you’re bald headed now?” I say “No, my hair is actually to the bottom of to my shoulders when straightened and you just saw that at the event, now you see my curls”. Then he gets ignorant and says “At least you don’t have normal black people’s hair! I’m glad you aint nappy” I was thinking WTF!!! No compliments or anything…just pure ignorance! I felt like punching his ass and I did not want to be around him much longer at that point. I ignored him for about 2 days because I was so hurt. He messaged me later with this “I’m NOT into that, Sorry.” I did not respond back. Then he came to my house apologizing on my doorstep (I wouldn’t let him inside) about his comments and the message that he sent. He’s definately an ass and I’m kinda glad that he showed his true colors but now I am SUPER discouraged. I love my hair because of it’s versatility and have recieved so many compliments when it’s straight or curly. I’m not saying that one should change their hair for a man but I just hope that my hair doesn’t turn guys off. Do you think guys like the straight look more? I’m not sure I can trust him now. What do you think? Do you also think this is how many men feel? I didn’t think hair was that serious for men.
First off, I must say that hair is very important to most (if not all) guys. Its almost like breasts … the opinions vary a lot and include a wide range … but damnit if everyone doesn’t have a preference. I have one friend who loves girls with mohawks, one who loves the natural look, one who preferes short hair in general, another who hates weaves, and others who like straight and long. Personally, I like a couple different styles … but I generally detest weaves and I want something I can grab on while I’m … uh … moving on …
Now that I addressed that … I can’t completely knock the guy for feeling “SomeKindaWay” about the drastic change in hair … I can only fault him for being as ass about it (even an asshole such as myself knows better than to say “at least your not nappy”). Is this guy white by chance?
While in the perfect world he would only love you for the contents of your soul and the virtue of your character, the reality is that hair is a big thing. You losing some 12 to 24 inches of your hair considering the “dating” period has been relatively short (4 months), its kind of like someone gaining or losing 20 lbs. The person may now be too skinny, or too fat, causing problems to ensue.
The main thing I want to say to you … don’t be discouraged. I know personally, I love short and curly. Unless this dude is like the greatests motherf*cker in existance, and your willing to change, and your willing to put up with the showing of his ass, and your willing to ignore his ignorance … then change and grow your hair out. Since I’m willing to assume he isn’t worth it … in this case I will say to move on.
As long as your hair looks good … every guy might not like it … but there are plenty who will!
Am I wrong?