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Another Year

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My birthday was yesterday, and as I write this I am recovering and preparing to rest my body from doing too much … way too much.  As I have not the strength of mental fortitude for something spectacular … I will keep it simple and short.

There is one thing I think I can truly take away from this birthday: I will never understand women … and I officially have given up.

I previously stated that never understanding my wife or significant other ranked on my list of top 5 fears along with things like losing my penis and dying without having had a threesome.  I can safely say that I no longer fear it … because I was seeking an impossible goal.



So … I have concluded that understanding women is impossible and unessescary … you just need to understand how to make them happy … then life is easy.

Too bad that sh*t is just as complicated as understanding them in the first place … *sigh*

 

Comment(48)

  1. Happy birthday big man.

    And no you cant understand women. and types of black women are creatures of chaos and are utterly unpredictable.

    But god you have to love them.

    They dont like you if you like them

    If you have a kid, its obvious someone wanted to sleep with you and have a child with you and keep you…. but if you have a kid… no woman wants you. I have no kid… and every woman wants to hop in bed with you if you DONT have a kid.. makes sense … right?

    If you pay attention to them.. your smothering them, which is a bad thing and pushes them away, but if your not speaking to them they love you?

    If you dont have money they dont want you ,, but if you have money they feel entitled to your money plus theirs? but then you will see them messin with broke joe thug??????

    How many women have babies for men that never want them?? They claim its black men running off and leaving families… but if you look closer its men who didnt want the woman OR the family in the first place. But… for some reason they feel like "they can change them" or "perhaps he will change his mind" when in reality they could find a man who actually wanted to settle with them and have kids…. but why would they do that?

    They want a man who can hold things down like dad did…. but resent their father for how he treated their mother? They want a man who can hold things down like dad but they cant cook sew or bake anywhere close to what mom could?

  2. Happy Belated Birthday SBM. I hope you enjoyed your birthday weekend.

    Reference men and women trying to figure each other out: I've come to the conclusion that we're not really going to be able to figure out each other out (because when you think you do, something happens and throws you for a complete loop) so its best to just respect one another and appreciate our differences.

  3. Happy Birthday …and dare I say it I totally agree with HNIC..wish me good luck on my exam tonight…all prayers help

  4. I agree on some level with Hasani to…but I think when you are truely diggin somebody and they you (intrigue, meeting people's representatives aside) all that stuff goes to the waste side.

    Happy Bday…slow your roll…your like 25 (at least for the next year or so). I would spend this time stackin paper and having fun.

  5. Yes and Yes to Ms. Freckles. I think sometimes its a sign that the relationship has run its course and a man is looking for a reason to end it on "her" terms. If you are stepping out for emotional or physical reasons I would venture to say…its pretty well done.

  6. Happy Belated! I had mine on Friday; yay Leos!

    Anyhow, I would venture to say that it's the same for women. I certainly don't understand you men, and I'm just trying to figure out how to keep y'all happy (one at a time, of course lol).

  7. I feel like the #1 barrier to men and women understanding each other is believing that they cannot understand each other. Yeah, there will be confusion and difficulties, but that’s mainly because we are all different people, raised with different experiences which have shaped our outlooks and expectations. I think the important thing to remember is that at base, we all just want to be happy. We all want to be loved. We want to be valued and appreciated and validated. Men and women, alike. If you reduce every argument, every confusing moment, down to those simple truths, you’ll get through it. Maybe not that moment or that day, but soon. That men are from mars, women are from venus bullshit is driving a serious wedge into any progress, however.

    And happy belated.

  8. Great letter for SBM…at the risk of offending the blog Nazi's like this is nuremburg (and really not that serious since we've been chatting for months and months now at will on and off topic). My first question would be…

    Is this about you? My pollyanna advice that I follow and keep would be not to do it. Momentarily it may feel great, but sex is a rather spiritual "exercise". And at what point would either party take the high road. To me at its worst revenge sex could beget more revenge sex. If the relationship is salvagable …both parties would have to be off of the "imma get you back" vibe, so even venture there in the beginning.

    Im always fascinated why people period cheat. For a man (and a woman) sometimes its the thrill of getting away with something. I would think that once the thrill is gone (KNOWING) really would dispell all the euphoric highs. And then he's left to deal with (do I really like this woman? was she worth all the damage I've now caused?)

    I personally want a man who is man enough to say {comeback, you don't float my boat} that gives me the opportunity to find someone who does and would free him up to find his bouyant rubber duckey too.

    my 2 cents…maybe SBM will weigh in on a future post.

  9. Happy Birthday SBM!!!!

    Humans are very interesting and difficult to understand. As women we can be complicated, the key thing in understanding anyone is communication. Always keep a honest and open line of communication and things should flow alot smoother. As long as both parties can be mature about the conversation.

  10. Happy Belated.

    Can I ask a question… is it ever really possible to understand anyone totally? I mean…with emotions, upbringing, life experiences…is it possible?

    I think that more …and ummmm…more… communication is needed in relationships.

    Also, are we really paying attention to our signif's? Or are we too busy trying to run the show and do what we think rather than what the other person is telling us?

    Just thoughts.

    #10: Can a man "make" you cheat?

    My, Blah's, belief is if you cheat…it was in you to cheat already…he was merely the catalyst, the push to what was already there. If you cheat because you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship…then just leave. "Just"…sounds so easy… but then again… if you have integrity…"just" is just that easy.

    On a lighter note… I probably would have cheated a couple of times…but…I was scared I'd get caught because I don't lie good. But if I could lie without smiling…(as my friend Zed says)…I'd Respect the Lie more…and would have cheated my ass off.
    http://babeemunkee.blogspot.com/2008/07/respect-o

  11. Blah you make a valid point…the most valid in my opinion. Everyone has different life experiences and expectations; some are regional, come are cultural and others are just through one's upbringing. Communication is a very important tool in any relationship surviving…but the key to communication is digesting the information exchanged. It's one thing to talk about an issue, it's another to make the necessary adjustments in accordance to the topic of conversation once a conclusion has been reached.

    You also have to be considerate of other's thoughts and opinions. If you're being told to go left because left is the best option, then don't make that right turn just because you can, it will only complicate things in the end. I guess it all boils down to respecting one another's feelings. There is no way to fully understand the inner workings of the mind, male or female.

    Good luck mister and Happy Belated Birthday(i guess)!!!

    @Freckles: Maybe I'm the wrong person to give advice on this topic. I say do what you feel, just be prepared to deal with the ramifications of those actions. If this person means something then I say don't do it, it's not worth the possible fallout. If the person doesn't mean anything then it's probably best to end it in the first place…I don't know. I'm a cheater so it seems, so I say do what you feel.

  12. "Can I ask a question… is it ever really possible to understand anyone totally? I mean…with emotions, upbringing, life experiences…is it possible?"

    Probably not…you meet and commence a "situation" with those you are ready for. I thank the heavens above that I'm not still engagled with the man i was involved with at 24, which is why I don't quite understand SBM's quandry. Its all a learning lesson.

    And conversly I know that Im STILL not ready for the type of man that I know is good for me. But in the meantime I'm enjoying dating people who I think are genuine and better matched.

  13. oh one more thing, you have came to the right conclusion… not trying to understand women but have an understanding of what makes them happy…. When we stress the things beyond our control it makes living alot more complicated… Perhaps if alot more people follow this would things be more clearer?

  14. "I think the important thing to remember is that at base, we all just want to be happy. We all want to be loved. We want to be valued and appreciated and validated. Men and women, alike. If you reduce every argument, every confusing moment, down to those simple truths, you’ll get through it. Maybe not that moment or that day, but soon. That men are from mars, women are from venus bullshit is driving a serious wedge into any progress."

    AMEN!!! *standing ovation with the slow clap*

    …we all want the same things at the core. Women want to feel safe and secure and that the man is holding it down; that at the end of the day he's most concerned with our well being. The same thing goes for men, they just want to feel like you have their back through the thick and thin.

    I think the main problem is people letting go of their relationship inhibitions and just embracing the moments, good bad and indifferent. No one wants to get played or seem like a simp, and no one wants to feel used…and somewhere in there we forgot that there is no sure fire way to safeguard ourselves from the inevitabity of life. If it's going to happen it will happen. And it too shall pass…you have to just let go and live life. Otherwise you will always find yourself not understanding what's right in front of you, which will force you to always be alone.

    …and I don't know about everyone else here…but in my humble opinion loneliness is for the birds…for real for real.

  15. @SBM I agree with u man…..I asked my mums the same QUESTION months ago?

    What women want?

    SHe says:

    *Some women liked to be chased and wanted desperately by men

    *Some like to see their potential men dressed up tastefully. example MY MUMS……..she would go for a gentleman look anyday.

    *She said some women are the aggressors and they hunt specifically for men

    *Some just like to be heard. ……someone they can talk to all the time…..URGh. {she is one of these too}.

    *Some like straight cash, money, ego, kudi, naira, dollars, euro, yen…..u name it.

    Listen I am curious myself…yeaaaaaaaah.

    Keep it movin!

  16. Happy Birthday SBM. Hope it was a good one. Have you written down your goals for this year? Kind of like a New Year's Resolution but on your birthday…..

  17. @SBM – Happy B-day

    @Ms. Freckles – Men don't drive women to cheat. If she is not satisfied or unhappy with who she is with she can leave. Unless he controls her mind or he is physicallyb restraining her I don't understand why she would cheat. I told my ex that if I wanted to step outside of the relationship I would break-up with her and I asked her to do the same. The funny thing is that although I told her this she still cheated.

  18. "Humans are very interesting and difficult to understand. As women we can be complicated, the key thing in understanding anyone is communication. Always keep a honest and open line of communication and things should flow alot smoother. As long as both parties can be mature about the conversation"

    Ms. Dev I agree. But sadly we as women don't pay attention to NON-VERBAL clues. I was raised that you dont just listen to what a man says. You also pay attention to what HE DOES.

    part of the problem is we want instant microwave relationships. Trust, love and committment last time I checked was built OVER TIME paying attention to the above.

  19. I guess I'm in overall agreement with the majority of the group. As comeback said, at the very core people want the same things. We may never understand why men do what they do and why women do what they do…and quite frankly, if I completely understood men, I might lose interest in them. Part of the excitement of relationships is the unexpected things the opposite sex does, or the things they do that you don't get but you're crazy about them anyway and you don't know why ("the hate that I love you so" type stuff).

    People are difficult to understand in general…and from time to time I don't understand my damn self. But as was said earlier, respecting other's feelings, beliefs, and opinions, as well as communication is very very important.

  20. @ Comeback: You are correct….communication is verbal and non-verbal. I personally hold you to it all. When I feel like ish is being sent my way I will call you on it. The non-verbal signs are more important to me in communication anyway. That is why I like to discuss important issues face to face. People can feed you all type of bullshit but the non-verbal signs are the TRUTH.

    If you are dealing with somone you should know when they are being honest or not.

    @Ms. Freckles: Men/ Woman cheat all the time. Can someone drive you to cheat? Yes and No. If you cheat you wanted too-point blank. It's like diabetes if both your parents have it then you can get it providing you don't make the right choices in your eating habits. But if you take care of your body then you wont get it. Same applies to cheating, if put in the right situation and the right time EVERYONE will cheat. It is a choice you make whether or not to go through it. The choice is solely on YOU. In the movie 'A Good Man is Hard to Find' they say a woman will not cheat if she feels she is the center of her man's world. I can't completely agree with this statement but I get their point. Cheating has nothing to do with the cheaters mate it has to do with that indiviual who is cheating and issues within themselves. If you are not happy in a situation LEAVE. If you cheat you are being a COWARD and dont want to end the current relationship that you are not happy in. Deal with issue 1 before creating more drama. Please believe you secrets will find you out.

    At the end of the day you have to have RESPECT for yourself and others around you.

  21. "That is why I like to discuss important issues face to face. People can feed you all type of bullshit but the non-verbal signs are the TRUTH."

    That is SHO NUFF the truth, maybe a blog reunion IS in ORDER. I just don't like confusion, sometimes I think I'm rather spoiled working from home, because I detest politics. My other weakness is that I like to believe that everybody (intentions) and all or on the up and up. And I don't like to see people I genuinally like and respect(sp) hurt or mistreated. And I may not always have all the facts …but my mind is sound and good.

    "If you are dealing with somone you should know when they are being honest or not"

    Truth and more truth…intuition anyone??? If it doesn't feel right why do it, just to say you did?? That inner voice my ex used to always tell me didn't exist. And OF COURSE HE WOULD. Him devaluing it served HIM not ME.

    "In the movie ‘A Good Man is Hard to Find’ they say a woman will not cheat if she feels she is the center of her man’s world."

    I kind of agree with this. And from both perspectives. I think when your relationship is SO TIGHT and SO RIGHT. Other people just don't factor. You nor him aint got time for it.

    "At the end of the day you have to have RESPECT for yourself and others around you."

    My great grandma used to say …what don't come out in the wash (comes out in the rinse)

    lastly, I heard a happily married woman say this weekend, that when your other relationships aint right (family, friendships etc) how can you expect for a romantic one to come along and fix that. Your other relationships are just indications and tests for marriage, giving and taking, compromising etc etc. If you are a sucky friend, why would you be an even better wife or girlfriend.

  22. if your a woman and you dont understand men your not thinking.

    Men are so simple its sometimes hard to grasp how we can be so non complex while inhabiting the planet with gods most intricate creature as our mates.

    We went over what all men need in the 3 things men need post in this blog. if you master those 3 u keep any man happy. but when it came to 3 things women need? oh hell everyone had a different answer.

    This blog is a microcosm of our society… and has alot of the answers you need to most questions you can ask. you just gotta read between the lines.

    Its in womens nature to cheat, its in mens nature to dip off .. theres a difference. Men of this era… and especially black men… we too lazy to go wondering off and putting up with the bullshit of another woman… the "other woman": just wants too much these days so we would rather stay home and play Xbox and watch porn (skeetskeetskeet)

    Look at how quickly the women just on this blog will cut a nigga? do you think these are not the normal women of society… cuz they are.

  23. Lion… brotha dont go nowhere, SBM and I are here for you.

    I been thinkin about your blog post form lastnight all day, I wasnt able to sleep.

    We all come from seperate walks of life and other areas but as single black men of dating and marrying age we all have pretty much the same concerns.

  24. …Praise the lawd!!!…Hasani got a new keyboard. I dont think there was one misspelled word in the last 2 comment posts…*hi-five* Sani baby!!

  25. "Its in womens nature to cheat, its in mens nature to dip off"

    please explain this nugget of wisdom and relate that to when my great great grandfather immigrated to this country he had two sets of wives…my greatgrandmother was so faithful that she would cook him things to take to his second family. So please help me understand how she was programmed in her nature to cheat.

    Women are programmed in their nature to accept poor behavior while some even encourage it do to self esteem issues and the like. Men justify it by throwing words around like "lonely" and "old maid" when all she is doing is having standards, and like another poster mentioned INTEGRITY.

    Men can dip and a woman can cheat…my problem is when the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. When you are representing something that isn't reality. When you are painting a picure that isn't accurate. I've got a problem with it. But women set the moral standard, if we would universally decide to not take any old crap yall was dishing out…we'd all get somewhere. But as long as there is a woman willing to feast of crumbs and sraps, men will continue to act like fools. We are both to blame.

  26. Love to all my other Leo's …

    On this cheating thing (post brewing in my head) … I think a person can be given encouragement to cheat … but you can't push the person to cheat. Since we are sharing old country sayings … "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". If anyone saw Chris Rock's "I think I love my wife", you'll know that just because you probably should cheat … its a personal decision that some are mature enough to make wisely.

    After another day and more recovery (I have got to learn to say "NO" sometimes) … I think I knew already understood how to make women happy … and just had a temporary lapse. Chalk it up to a brain fart.

    @Eathan: sadly … the threesome didn't pop off. Thats going at the top of my list of new bday resolutions.

  27. Its funny at all the age guessing. I coulda swore everyone said I was 25 before my birthday too … damn … guess I'll be stuck in that year forever. LOL.

  28. Teacia: I dont spell for you and I dont write for you. If you want a thesis or MLA format+grammar+spelling essay you can check out one of my MANY online editorials/reviews I have written.

    SBM: 3somes are overrated and only for your egos sake to say "omg I did that once"

    I always found that I wanted to focus on ONE target and have that target focused on me. Too many parts left "cold"and wet when you have odd numbers in bed. but then again this is just my preference.

    Tiffy : thats a theory not an absolute rule. Women never cheated before because they had no opportunity. The main goal of yesterdays woman revolved around the man who was the center of her universe. Todays woman cheats.. todays man still just dips off. todays man dips off less than yesterdays man because of the raise in female dominance. I as a single man can hardly DATE more than one woman without her complaining about being a sidepiece. Look how many blog post there are about "dump him and find yourself a real man" and how much we tell people not to accept being the 2ndary of a married man.

    In your grandmothers and my grandmothers era, there would be no such thing as a 35 year old healthy black woman thats SINGLE. hell my grandmother was a widow with 7 children by 35. the social stigma that you needed a man to complete your life and get you out of your parents house was all encompassing and women were willing to put up with more and expect less. look how many sistas today of marrying age you know just on this BLOG who are still single, much less real life. so you are less willing to put up with being 2ndary just to have money/support.

    as for settled brothas, we are lazy. We are starting to notice it is better to use porn/TV/Xbox than to go through the absolute hassle of finding and maintaining a "jump off." What you dont think I had many a sista who saw me over the past 10 years and tried to steal me?

    hell Im single and I took the option to "handle myself" rather than deal with the headache of a bootycall to miss alaska or the long drive to see my sweet miss ER. I know men in actual relationships want even less hassle.

    and men only cheat for one thing……. BOOTY. a bottle of jergens and a Aroura Jolie DVD is usually gonna be a better option.

  29. The feasting on scraps mentality is actually why women cheat more these days. I have dated a few women this year. Alot of sistas I have gotten to talk about their past all have the same story. They make their men out to be some deadbeat who wasnt giving them the liststyle that "they deserved."

    like I have said a few times, none of my new crew of single men that I hang with left their significant others. All of their women decided to upgrade. Im begging my cousin right now not to leave her man of 15 years to upgrade. I think beyonce started an epidemic.

    I think thats why I get along with miss ER so well, her man was lost to her and why I had a rapport with the cute jewish chick since her Fience died as well. I trust a woman who leaves a loving man about as much as I trust a catholic priest with kids.

  30. Thanks people!

    FYI – the question I thru out there yesterday was not about me, lol. One of my girls has been flirting on dangerous waters (from lack of a better explanation) with a guy that works out at her gym. She mentioned how her BF had done his share of dirt in their relationship and for whatever reason, when she met the guy at the gym..began to get filled with spite. Go figure. I just found it interesting that she said "out of all the dirt *blank* has done to me and I stood by him. I'm feeling like doing some dirt of my own. Just call me Karma"

    Deep

  31. You will always find a reason to make an exscuse for doin what you want to do… or actually what your ID secretly wants you to do.

    My best buddy was with his wife for 15 years. she blamed her cheating on him having sex with a girl during a breakup they had during FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE…..

    at thirty years old , with a half million dollar home, a marriage and working in the same company shes talkin about what happened at EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD.

    To her and all her girlfriends they are justified… as much as you can sit here and say "whoa thats fuked up" if it was you… and Ill even say WHEN it was you, you were just as ignorant. Women… ALL WOMEN…. have a way of making a thought a complete reality to the point where even if it dosent make logical sense to the general public, them and their girlfriends will all belive it to be gospel.

    For instance… look how we fought on this blog that male birthcontrol would be a BAD thing for the black community? Frenzy is such a bad emotion.

  32. Haha! @ keeping women happy just as complicated.

    Happy Belated!!!! I can't believe I haven't been around these parts in over a month!

    But yes, I am trying to hold onto young and dumb a little longer too…but it ain't happening ;op

    Hope you recuperated and getting some good luvin' now over there! ;o)

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