She made me do it!

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A few days ago someone asked in a comment:

Can a man drive a woman to cheat? Why or why not?

Of course I have to think of it from my perspective:



Can a woman drive a man to cheat?

And while there was a good healthy talk about it … in traditional SBM style I have to take it to the frontpage and let my true feelings be known.

One person cannot drive another person to cheat … but they sure as hell can encourage them

A cheater is a cheater.  They had it in their heart to cheat (not saying that they knew they would or planned to do it … but they had the capacity to do it in their heart).  Someone who is not a cheater is simply not going to cheat.  You can entice them, put the p*ssy in their face, and threaten their job … but they won’t do it.

Even if an “anti-cheater” is walking in the strip club, trips on spilled drink, happens to fall into a condom someone was holding, falls into the girl doing toe touches on the floor … and she happens to be ok with it … and magically no one else can see them because a curtain just fell down hiding them from view … he still would pull out and say “sorry … but I have a girlfriend”.  Yes … someone who is determined to not cheat and lacks the capacity to do it … won’t.  Period!

See Also:  Fallin' Off

But … not everyone is like that.  Some are born with inclination to cheat.  Scientists now are trying to determine the gene (ok … me and my cousin Pookie), but until that breakthrough comes … you just don’t know.

There are a few different kinds of cheaters.  You have your natural born cheaters (never smelt a pussy he didn’t like), your occasional cheaters (sometimes you just need a change), and the accidental cheater (same scenario as above … he just aint pull out) … but their all cheaters.

So … given that everyone is either a cheater or anti-cheater, no one can be forced from one group to the other.  Sure, a cheater may be able to resist cheating … but he’s not an anti-cheater.

The girlfriend or wife of the “non cheating cheater” can’t drive him to cheat … but she can sure as hell encourage his ass.

By allowing your man to know your not the one, your encouraging him to cheat.  By not being the best girl you can be … by being selfish … by withholding previously promised sex … by cheating on him … you are encouraging his ass.  Just like if you put a pipe in front of a recovering fiend … you are essentially giving him fuel to cheat.

See Also:  Mistakes Single People Make When Looking for a Relationship

But … the anti-cheater won’t do it.

Cheating is a personal decision … and no matter how close to the edge your pushed, you are the one cheating, you are the one breaking the rules, and you need to own up to that sh*t like a man (or woman).

Feel me?

Comment(164)

  1. nah I dont feel you on this one.

    You cant say stuff like this on yo blog …. you know damn well half these chicks are only gonna skim and half read it and then tell themselves "WELL SBM SAID IT WAS OK IF YOU WASNT BUYIN ME PRADA… SO I CAN GETZ MEH SUM DICK"

    make sure we highlight the end of what SBM said for you people who like to skim….

    Cheating is a personal decision … and no matter how close to the edge your pushed, you are the one cheating, you are the one breaking the rules.

    stand up and own that like a woman… man or whatever you are. TV may say only men cheat, but looking around at real life will tell you this is just a falsehood.

  2. Cheating is definitely a personal decision… totally agree with you there SBM!

    My $0.04…

    If you are in a relationship that you are not happy in and feel that you want to explore other people – – – then you need not be in that relationship. End it. Take a break from it (of course letting the other person know you want to take a break and be open to see other perople). I believe in karma; so what goes around definitely comes back around.

  3. Oh my bad… let me address the question/blog for today, lol:

    Do I think people can encourage their mate to cheat? Yes.

    I think a better question is if someone cheats in the relationship… does it automatically give the other person a free pass if they cheat also? My answer to that is no. Two wrongs don't make a right. Although it seems for some like it would be a quick fix to hurt feelings and anger… it only causes more headache in the long haul.

  4. "By allowing your man to know your not the one"

    ????

    If a man is THAT dissatisfied he usually WILL bounce. The chirade often happens with cowards. He wants his cake and eat it too. What about inside a marriage? In a non-marriage situation to me the choices are so easy. I date and sleep with other people (and its common and agreed upon knowledge) or I conceal conceal conceal and won't reveal. The former I'm all for. A woman should have the first right of refusal. But in concealing you dont give her that right.

    But again I agree with Ms. Freckles. if people knew that EVERYTHING had a price, many would think about it before they opened the pocket book. And its not always in the form of one for one, sometimes karma comes back and bite you in other unrelated areas, but it does always pay a visit.

  5. "Cheating is a personal decision … and no matter how close to the edge your pushed, you are the one cheating, you are the one breaking the rules, and you need to own up to that sh*t like a man."

    This is so true. My last relationship was 5 years. I did not cheat 1 time in those 5 years. Not that I wasn't tempted but it wasn't worth it to me. If I did step out the relationship it would be because I was physically attracted to another female i.e. she has a better body than my girl. I never acted on those urges because my ex had a body so there was no need for me to step out. Seccondly she trusted me and I didn't want to violate that trust and hurt her.

  6. @Hasani: Changes made.

    @Comeback: You would take that one phrase and decide to respond in some classic Angry Black Woman way. Do you ever get tired being the ABW?

    @Humble: I agree.

  7. "By allowing your man to know your not the one, your encouraging him to cheat. By not being the best girl you can be … by being selfish … by withholding previously promised sex … by cheating on him … you are encouraging his ass. "

    I could post the whole dang thing…I was just saving space. My opinion still applies. I don't think anything I said was angry. Actually i'm feeling rather happy even pre-espresso.

  8. @Comeback: That statement goes both ways, since I have a dick and all, just decided to write from the perspecive I know (I am a male now)

    It almost seemed like you were trying to abdicate the slumming wife/gf, but I clearly state that the blame lies on the cheater … If u kept reading

  9. @comeback

    "if people knew that EVERYTHING had a price, many would think about it before they opened the pocket book. And its not always in the form of one for one, sometimes karma comes back and bite you in other unrelated areas, but it does always pay a visit."

    Why is this so hard for people to understand? This also goes in line with the convo about change. Why do some people think they can cheat, be selfish, and etc. And not pay a cost for it. I call it the "You Tax". It is the tax in life you pay for being you. The more you find fault in the people around you and not yourself the higher your tax. The more selfish you are the higher your tax. The more unreasonable you are the higher your tax.

  10. Yes and I did see that, though you didn't address the actual question Ms. Freckles had the other day and that was "get back sex".

    Your premise was: "One person cannot drive another person to cheat … but they sure as hell can encourage them"

    My arguement was there is no such thing as true "encouragement" because a man ALWAYS has the option to bounce. If he so dissatisfied that seems to be the most honorable "out". Not using another person to justify his dissatisfaction. Walking out the door is called being a GROWN UP. Having secret side pieces is called not owning up to the real issue at hand, ie calling an apple an orange.

  11. @SBM – Comeback doesn't sound angry. She sounds like she broke it down for those who lack understanding. There isn't anything angry about that.

  12. Bottomline is if someone cheats on "get-back" … it's a spiral to disaster. The relationship becomes a vicious cycle of who can cheat on who the most or worse. Why bother? After the age of 20 yrs old… it seems pretty foolish, immature and not to mention dangerous (i.e. AIDS, STDS, etc) to cheat on someone.

  13. I think it is flat out selfishness that cause people to cheat. My ex cheated on me after I repeatedly told her to break up with me if she wanted to talk to someone else. While she said she didn't cheat her actions said otherwise. i.e. taking her cell phone everywhere she went in the house. Even to shower and sh*t. I don't get it. Why is it so hard for people to walk away. Its one thing if there are children involved but, if there are no kids just leave.

  14. @Humble_One — Even with kids involved; there is no excuse to being treated less than you deserve to be treated. My ex cheated on me and lied to my face about it. After everything came to the light and I caught my first case, I realized that when people begin to show you signs of them being untrue… it then becomes your responsibility to decide if you will stay and tolerate it or simply leave. There are very FEW situations that occur where someone doesn't know at all that their mate is cheating. The writing is usually on the walls.

  15. Im sorry for your situation Humble…the only thing I can say is that I believe in my heart that people are conditioned to be who they are. People can INSPIRE change, almost like a diet. But someother serious self-inflicted revelation would maintain it. And to that end, she most likely took her behavior on to someone else and possibly in another form. A cheater is a liar. So maybe by you seperating yourself opened you up to someone better.

    I truely believe that some people can be your rite passage. Like that final frontier on to something greater, better and bigger.

  16. @Comeback — I have a temper. I've learned to curve it for the most part now… but almost 5 years ago I made the choice of allowing a man's actions and lies to piss me off to the point I put a club throw his livingroom window and proceeded to tear up some stuff in the house. The charges were dropped, but I learned not to allow someone to take me out of my element like that again. I have a security clearance… therefore I have no room for error or uncontrollable tempers. Ya know? The grown woman in me won't allow to me cut up like that again. lol

  17. @Comeback – thanks, but she left me. Its funny what you said about conditioned because my boy was with his sister and the relationship he had with her was similar to mine.

    @Ms. Freckles – You are right. She cheated in some of her previous relationships but told me she changed. Her actions up until the end didn't say she was cheating. The B.S. started when she said she wasn't "happy". I remember when she told me she cheated on her boyfriend in college b/c he wasn't giving her enough attention. What I realize after everything is that she is faithful or happy as long as you do everything she wants.

  18. @Humble_One – – – I do believe a person changes overtime at their on pace & when they are ready too. So I try not to go on how they behaved in past relationships. However, I do suggest making mental notes of it. Ultimately, everything done in the dark eventually comes to the light. When my ex got busted cheating… the writing was written in huge black marker on the walls. He changed up his routine. He wasn't "horny". He had reserve duty at the last minute. The list could go on and on. I chose to ignore those signs and the intuition I had until I saw a text message from one of the chicks. His phone was next to me and kept going off while he was in the shower. Thinking it may have been his mom or someone…I looked. Some chick was saying how she missed him and thought he was going to call her to let her know he made it home safe from her house. I was livid. I should have walked away then. Instead, I looked at his phone records (had his password) and noticed how long it had been going on. Called her… we spoke for roughly 2 hours. I was PISSED. Surprisingly, I wasn't hurt because deep down I already knew… but my ego was cracked and I was not please. lol

    SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. Wont' happen again! lol

  19. @Comeback — LOL… I can laugh about it now. But I was on a mission to hurt that man. Had he been home instead of his roommates I would have tried to do bodily harm to him! God is good!

    I put a club through his panel windows in the livingroom. Painted my name in baby blue paint across his bathroom door (I renovated his bathroom MYSELF by hand… so I was hot to find out he had another woman using it and my bodywash). I ripped the sheets he had her on the night before he last had me and never bothered to wash or changed them (bout to puke from flashbacks). Kicked over the refridgerator. And more….

    I did pay for the window to be replaced when all was said and done with the cops. But you talking about someone ANGRY! SBM… you could have definitely labeled me a ABW that night.

  20. You guys are doing waaaay too much this morning. The bottom line is that people can encourage others to cheat, just like they can encourage you to end a relationship…sleeping with every random person that comes your way will eventually have its consequences. Whether or not those consequences result in your mate cheating does have a lot to do with the character of your mate.

    But I have seen many a woman and man pushed to the edge where they felt like stepping out was the only way to inflict equal pain on their mate. I have seen those actions tear apart many relationships as well. I know you all have witnessed the good girl gone bad because her man was no good and she just got fed up, we've all had friends who said "fuck it" I'm gonna get mine since this negro keeps taking me for granted. The same can go for men, how many times is he gonna take you cursing him out all the time, and putting him on blast before he says "fuck it" and bounces out on you.

    Good people do bad things, to say that cheating is an inherent trait is just too marginalized. Cheating in some cases is just a reaction…and we all know that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Two wrongs don't make a right….yeah, yeah, yeah….but it sure does make you feel better(at the time).

    We're all human, we all have feelings, we all deal with our demons differently…some know how to supress them and find a positive response to certain situations, some temporarily give in, and others just don't give a damn. But once a cheater, always a cheater is some bullshit…because he'll be a different man to me than he was you…and vice versa. There is always that one that inspires change in someone, so to say that we are genetically predisposed to do certain things is just a cop out.

    Cheating is a cop out, it's a weak moment, it's a fed up situation, it's somebody just not giving a damn…in essence it is what it is…but what it's not is definite and predetermined.

  21. "(I renovated his bathroom MYSELF by hand… so I was hot to find out he had another woman using it and my bodywash). "

    oh no mam….that man (in the words of Bscott) was a nasty gutter butt trollop. I thought only women were nasty gutter butt trollops. but a man can be more of one.

    But sadly women justify situations like these. I know many a woman who would excuse behavior like this as a temporary lapse. After you and I have established that we are in a committed relationship (and I find out otherwise) then all bets are off. Again, in the beginning phases I understand that you date other people. But if you the man tell me its just you and me. Thats it. Because where does the justification end. Where does the trust begin again. In some instances the trust can be rebuilt should you stay, but thats a tough call.

    Some men do stupid shyt because they know they never have to be accoutable for and to anything.

  22. @Ms. Freckles – I did keep mental notes of it but gave her the benefit of the doubt. She was selfish throughout the whole relationship. She got better but it was still in her. It really showed when she moved in with me. I don't think the person cheating actually cares about the person they are cheating on because they are getting theirs. The relationship to them only of holds value if they are getting what they need 24/7. If you aren't doing what they want 100% that gives them an excuse to step out instead of doing the hard work of working things out. Then for some people you can be and do everything and they still step outside the relationship.

  23. @Humble_One — I'm sorry to hear you had to experience that. Hopefully it didn't make you bitter for the next woman.

  24. @ComebackGirl-Wow. I am so glad I am not a man who has had to encounter you. I can't believe he let her use your damn body wash in the bathroom you renovated. I'd've been tempted to break the law.

    @Humble_One. I hope you will be able to move past your misfortune.

    Now. I am a recent cheating victim. Now before everyone attacks me, I was living with this man. Yes, living with and I had full access to all of his stuff, but I started getting these sudden feelings where I felt the need to read a few e-mails or look at a few documents on his laptop. First a child support spreadsheet which he said was for his brother and then an e-mail to his "sister" stating that even though she lost her wedding ring "we're still married". Now what made him think that I would not know this was his wife. Yet he still lied about it stating that it was a joke between him and sister. According to both of them he's never cheated before and neither one can hate me because I honestly didn't know he was married. Honestly, I didn't. Every single solitary sign that she told me I should have looked for was not there. No turning off the phone, no sneaking away nothing. By her own admission she didn't call him and she only occasionally e-mailed. For his part, he says that she was showing him any attention at all and when I came along it started out as just someone to go to dinner with and as time wore own my sweetness made him wanna stay. For that I can actually see what SBM is saying about encouraging a man to cheat. I think he definitely has point because this man is by all accounts a good husband and father who was doing what he had to do, BUT when someone came along in the right packaging that accepted him and showed him so attention I think it messed up his mind he got caught up and through that lost his job, his family and his other woman. I hadn't even really cried over it because it wasn't my milk that got spilled. Eh, maybe I'm a cynic now and my sweetness is all gone….I've said it before but as a strong black woman I have to say I will probably do whatever it takes to keep whatever man I happen to encounter perfectly happy.

  25. @Teacia – I don't get this encourage thing. Its as simple as this. If you have a problem with the person you are with LEAVE. If you still feel you want to be with the person your with separate from them and work it out.

  26. "but I started getting these sudden feelings where I felt the need to read a few e-mails or look at a few documents on his laptop. First a child support spreadsheet which he said was for his brother and then an e-mail to his “sister” stating that even though she lost her wedding ring “we’re still married”. "

    So these weren't signs? just asking

  27. Thanks Comeback. I was writing and listening to something here and watching the rain. Please forgive me for mistaking you. Plus I gotta say the whole situation I mentioned just happened this week so I am mentally drained…and exhausted.

  28. "Someone who is not a cheater is simply not going to cheat…Cheating is a personal decision…"

    Well said. The person cheating made the decision to cheat and should own up to it instead of trying to say someone else made them do it.

  29. Well…I know he financially smart so the spreadsheet I could overlook. Now the e-mails that went back and forth I did note. That's how I find out. Her phone number happened to be at the bottom. Trust me I didn't just overlook it all. Those were signs. Beyond that no signs at all. Nothing. Not one suspicious thing. Even spending money which I am so pissed about is that she wanted to buy a $331 washing machine and he told her no. Yet, he was spending so much money on me and my friends it didn't even make good sense.

    And please his son looks like he came out the tip of his you know what. And he says that's my nephew.

    Wiped everyone's existence off the face of the earth.

    Tsk, tsk.

  30. Humble, if only life was as simple as making a statement, we'd all be in a better place right now. I completely agree with you though…but not everyone wants to start over. You see it all the time, people staying in bad situations because they've gotten comfortable and don't want to go through the whole song and dance again. Me personally, I would leave…it's just how I roll. I don't sugarcoat or prolong the inevitable, but that doesn't mean that I don't understand someone else's reasons for staying.

    For example…you're married to an athlete…your husband cheats constantly…you eventually get fed up but you love him and you have a child, you don't want to disrupt your life but you're angry…so you cheat. You still want to be with him but he's pushed you to the edge…leaving is not as easy as it sounds, nor is it something that you actually want…and minus the athlete part these are the reasons that people stay and just cheat. (oh and i know ur a guy humble, just needed to spin it from a woman's perspective)

  31. To me…

    Cheating is a characteristic of a marginal person, with little loyalty and no intergrity… male or female…that person can not be trusted…even as a friend…'cause if they fuck around on the person they "love" or who they share their body with…then they will probably fuck you over as a friend.

    And all my friends know how I feel… doesn't mean I am not their friend if they cheat…but sho ain't leaving that heifer alone with my man…and I sure ain't hookin up a friend or family member with some dude I know has the propensity to step out…

    Do I cheat…heeheehee…you see, I don't get into committed one-on-one relationships because my ass knows I like variety… not to say I haven't been in a relationship…I have and didn't cheat.

    But I have been in moe non-committed relationships…am I any better than the cheater…probably not…but I call the damn shots in my life…LOL

    Yes, I know…I am complex and make excuses for my mecurial ways…c'est la vie mon ami. 🙂

  32. how can he be financially resp. with a damn spreadsheet…spending more money on you than his wife with washer machine issue?

    Did you meet his family? HIs mother/father? cousins? best friends? and nobody looked at you side eye. You move in with a man and you become his (play) wife.

  33. Well, his profession is banking and whatnot. So when he said he handled finances for his brother and his brother handled the legal stuff I said okay, especially because of their sick mother. Now, she works for the bank where his debit card was issued. So, she admitted to me that she saw all the money he was spending. I did not meet his family because he's from Kansas City. I am from Birmingham, living in New Orleans so he met some of my friends and I met some of his, mainly people from work. One guy and I did not see eye to eye and I now know it's because he knew that my "friend" was married. Then he brought other guys over from work and they were cool with me. One of them even told me he was helping him look for places here to live with me permanently and that he didn't know he was married. Comeback…I swear I'd have to write you a whole darn novella for you to understand everything that has happened. The Rihanna song "Take A Bow" is the best the to describe it all.

  34. Chile you aint got ta explain to me…You remember that show called "everybody's got a story". When I was 25 I was involved with a man who was "seperated". he had his own place and still keys to "his other home". While we were dating is when the seperation actually came through and he started to hide assets (money, investment property) stuff like that. I only asked becaused those are the questions I would have asked MY OWN azz. LOL

    Boundaries were very blurred in my situation. And its why Im so hard lined now. Because I can see clearly with perspective. All my friends made mucho excuses for him. Cause his plate wasn't all the way clean. But my mother reminded me that when he started to hide stuff (he was an atty) that he showed me EXACTLY who he was. Because she was entitled just as much as he was.

    I also learned that seperated men are MARRIED MEN. And that how you get em is how you keep em.

  35. @Teacia

    "For example…you’re married to an athlete…your husband cheats constantly…you eventually get fed up but you love him and you have a child, you don’t want to disrupt your life but you’re angry…so you cheat. You still want to be with him but he’s pushed you to the edge…leaving is not as easy as it sounds, nor is it something that you actually want…and minus the athlete part these are the reasons that people stay and just cheat"

    This situation I understand. It is not easy to leave when you still love the person, have a family with them, and he his the provider.

  36. most of us agree that men who are going to cheat will do it no matter what – so here is my question, if you know you are a cheater and you know that's more than likely what you are going to do, why get a girlfriend to start with? why not just say "hey i am going to be a man whore and not break someone's heart in the process"

    thats my question of the day.

    @Comeback i 100% agree with you that seperate men are married men it sucks learning that the hard way doesn't it? i was there when I was 23

  37. @ Blah – If you are not in a commited relationship you are not cheating. So I see nothing wrong in how you live.

  38. Precisely. He just e-mailed to tell me he's doing whatever it takes to get her back.

    I think it's funny because she took him from someone so it's gonna always be that way.

    Haha. He loves her and needs her with every cell in his body. Hilarious. I don't think he gets or realizes that I could give less than a damned. I really don't want his ass. In fact, it's kinda funny. If my husband did all this I would have filed for divorce by now.

  39. @QB – this is how I am. Thats why I didn't get into a serious relationship until I was 24. I didn't want to be tied down and I wanted to deal with more than one woman. Every woman I dealt with I told that I talked to other women. I thought that is was only right. I wasn't out trying to sell dreams to get some ass. A lot women left me alone because of that. The funny thing is that a few of them went on to talk to guys right after me that cheated on them after they left me alone. I understood that I could not have my cake and eat it too.

  40. "it sucks learning that the hard way doesn’t it?"

    8 years ago…yes it was…my head was little hard though. This man took me to a somebody's wedding and told them I was HIS WIFE. He introduced me as Mrs. "xyz". that was my first clue that something was REALLY REALLY wrong. If you were "done" why not be the "single man" you are.

    everybody's got a story …

  41. I absolutely concur. She even told me that he would be back here to live with me and my response was what am I supposed to do with him?

    Strange enough, after she found out and he was at the airport headed home he wanted to know how long it would take for him to come visit me at my place before he went. I'd've made sure he missed that damned flight. I mean so sure. How could you ever do some shit like that? Personally if I were her I would make him slave to get me back and then tell him nevermind.

    And she can send him back over here if she wanna. I would make damned certain he crawled on his stomach all day every day.

  42. Comeback Girl I agree – "The chirade often happens with cowards."

    Why hide behind something. That's just like someone in the KKK hiding behind a sheet. If there's no shame in it, why hide behind being a cheater. Be out in the open with it. Let the person you're supposedly in a committed relationship know that you're not happy with them or that you want to venture into new territories. Grant it, you might lose a good woman (man) or lose your family and/or good living situations, but hey, at least you're being honest and looking at the total picture.

  43. "Seccondly she trusted me and I didn’t want to violate that trust and hurt her."

    Humble One sounds like you were considerate and thinking about someone elses feelings besides your own immediate urges. I wish more men would think twice like you apparently did. I'm sure everyone has the opportunity to cheat but it takes strong willpower and character not to react to the urge to cheat.

  44. I don't understand how you can have access to your husband's accounts and see what was happening. I would be on the first flight to where his azz was going AFTER hiring a private eye. Many states are at fault: meaning if the man is cheating the woman gets compensated. I'd make damn sure I'd never have to worry about a damn 300 dollar washer machine while he was spending more money on his friend and her girls.

    I think the problem to is frame of reference. So many women wouldn't know what a good man was if he was looking dead at her…so maybe thats the justification.

    Some man is better than NO man. But I maintain that when you get rid of the clutter you can make room for something great.

  45. I should so be getting ready for work right now but this is much more entertaining…

    here is my question of the day… it seems like we all agree (most of us) that men, well i should say people because females are the same way, people are going to cheat if thats what they do. so knowing that – do we still blame "the other woman" or "the other man" for the relationship failing when someone cheats?

  46. …man yall are all over it today…we up to damn near 60 comments and i haven't even gone to lunch yet…lol.

  47. @Jaclynn – WOW. For the first time on this blog I believe I'm actually speechless. As comeback said "everyone has a story". Some I will admit are a lot more interesting than others. WOW.

  48. @comeback there are a lot of situations where I can't understand how a woman doesnt know her man is cheating. I have a girl who was with her man for 10 months. In that 10 months multiple people told her when we were all out at bars and she would go to the bathroom or not be there yet that her man was swapping numbers. She would reply and tell us that it was for business or they were just friends… whatever line of BS he fed her. So then it came out in the air that 6 months into it she had NEVER BEEN TO HIS HOUSE "because the company owned it and he wasn't allowed to have guests." she didn't even know where he lived… long story short in the end it turned out he was already in a relationship and he was cheating with her…

    we tried to tell her from the start that something wasn't adding up but she wouldn't hear any of it.

    I don't know how much sense this makes but while I have been cheated on in the past, i can proudly say I have been cheated but have never been too stupid/blind to not realize what was going on.

    Maybe other women realize what's going on but they lie to themselves to keep the man around? I dont know but I couldnt do that. I might let you stick around for a bit longer than I should but I am not going to sit there and lie to myself and say you aren't cheating so I can justify it.

  49. Ms. Freckles one of my friends from college reacted the same way you did when she found out her man cheated. She didn't get off that easily though. I was there for her and saw the mental anguish his cheating caused her. I've been cheated on and know how that sort of pain feels. I'm glad you were able to get off with a warning because jerks like that aren't worth it.

  50. @Shelia – No, a boyfriend isn't a reason to be arrested. In fact, he waited a week before pressing any charges. He pressed them when I wouldn't return his calls or emails. The officer called my job and told me I needed to turn myself in or they would come get me from my job. So I turned myself in that same evening. After I had gone thru XYZ of the happenings (and trust there was more)… he was on my side. He called and spoke to my ex… the ex finally agreed to let it go. To this day my ex tries to be "a friend"… I forgave him. But no where near interested in having any type of friendship with him.

  51. Jaclynn you deserve better. Don't encourage him. Stop accepting his calls. He probably feels like you're his back up. Stop communicating with the wife. You talking to either one of them at this point is encouraging their foolishness.

  52. "So then it came out in the air that 6 months into it she had NEVER BEEN TO HIS HOUSE “because the company owned it and he wasn’t allowed to have guests.”

    WOW…I would be concerned that he worked for a half way house LOL…this is laughable. Because a company ALWAYS makes room for sig others. But maybe its not funny. because the mind is powerful. Whatever the mind wants to believe it will, and find things to justify that fact. The mind is so fascinating. To me it can be your liberater or your prision.

  53. QB says: do we still blame “the other woman” or “the other man” for the relationship failing when someone cheats?

    No, we don't. You're not in a relationship with the other woman or other man. If blame is to be placed on anyone it would be the one you're in a relationship with. The person you're involved with have a choice and if they cheated, they chose to do so. As I stated on another blog recently, a man's "D" doesn't just mysteriously fall out and land inside of a woman.

  54. Whatever the mind wants to believe it will, and find things to justify that fact. The mind is so fascinating. To me it can be your liberater or your prision.

    Comeback Say it again. That's why some women can see a man cheating on them (I mean he could have just pulled out of a woman) but the man says a few things to her in her ear and then she questions whether or not he really did cheat. The mind is a terrible thing to waste.

  55. @QB – You never blame the other woman or man unless they were aware that you are still in the picture and they choose to still deal with your significant other knowing they are cheating.

  56. @Comeback. Tell me about it. I could have shot him on Sunday when I saw the e-mails for the first time. I mean what kinda fool do you mistake me for? There's a list of things between me and him too long to list that would alone cause me to kill him. Now, I am thinking she might take him back…by next week.

    I never in my life. I mean to move a woman into the apartment your job is paying for, let her drive their car, and then sleep with her and pay for all her friends stuff. Ridiculous. Then you end up with your job firing you, you owe them and then you gotta listen to women complain.

  57. @Shelia-Absolutely. I mean he thought he was the best thing moving but I can and will find better.

    Haha. I love it. Yes, the company makes room for others.

  58. Jaclynn Shelia brought up AN EXCELLENT POINT.

    stop talking to them both. You don't need to be homegirls ace boom coon. She should be confiding in her granny, mama, auntie, best friend, uncle or pastor or first lady of the church not the OTHER WOMAN. cut all ties. She is looking out for HER interest and she sounds like she's desperate enough to judge the future of her marriage on WHAT YOU DO, ie take him back etc. She might just be waiting for you to totally kick him to the curb so she can have her man back. That is dumb as hell because he's showed his hand so many times. Dollars for donuts you are not the first and you wont be the last.

    clean your plate Jaclynn.

  59. Oh, I am not talking to her at all. She called me back the day she found out everything and hasn't since. Apparently every time I talk to her or she even thinks about me she gets angrier and angrier.

    So far, I think she is waiting for him to prove to her that he cares more about her than me. One of the things I think she was expecting was for him to kick me out of his life instead of vice versa and when he didn't she felt he cared more about me than her. Yet, he's still not really trying to do it. Therefore, I fully expect her to kick him to the curb and then he comes back to me, but I'll be gone!

  60. @Jaclynn – you are very good person. You need to cut them off completely. I don't talk to my ex anymore. We talked a few times after she left but it was strictly business. I don't call to see how she is doing or anything. When you say you don't want to have anything to do with me I hold you to it.

  61. @Humble-That's the only way I was able to hold my head up through the whole situation because I was like I am a good person. I have not done anything wrong to hurt anyone. I even stopped and made sure everyone was okay, then said good luck and Godspeed. The only thing is, I cannot stand to be deceived. My focus is off and I am pretty tired-mentally more than anything which is way worse than this physical. And you know…I hadn't said anything yet, but based on your situation I am surprised you can give women the benefit of the doubt. I know I have thought about swearing off men for good, but because of men like you, I'll give more a chance.

    By chance if you don't mind, how old are you?

  62. Hell yeah SBM!!! I totally agree I really have nothing to add. You are exactly correct. Cheating is a choice. If you are an anti-cheater then you won't do it under no circumstances.

    You really hit the head on the nail. It was so clear I don't know what all these other comments could be. I hope no one is arguing the fact that what you said is incorrect. I am going to read the comments.

    GREAT POST!

  63. @Jaclynn – I'm 30. I never got an anti-woman attitude after my situation. I've met too many women that were the opposite of my ex. But I would be lying if I said I didn't look at some women different. The women that i am attracted to physically I can't take serious. I feel that men have kissed their ass for so long that they are only good at taking in a relationship.

  64. @Humble_One: you suffer from a situation that Hasani (HNIC) struggles with and I used to … an abundance of selfish women. Its a shame too. Being a couple years younger, I've met enough "takers" to be tired … very tired. I'm glad you were calm about your girl cheating … I think I'm still a little hot headed and if that chic was living with me … it wouldn't have been pretty .. at all.

    I agree though you can't blame the guy unless he knew about you … if he did … that's where all the "physical aggression" gets displaced!

    You remind me of someone I know … you stay in ATL?

    @Ms. D: Thanks. I think I found my muse … my inspiration. Crazy … right …

    @Jaclynn: WOW. I mean …that whole thing is crazy. I mean, he was married, then the wife called you, but she doesn't seem that mad. And now this n*gga is trying to see you again. Man … wow! Can't even play devil's advocate in this one. I know the high road is just cutting them off and stuff … but f*ck that. Carry (check the glossary … DC word) that n*gga.

  65. I dunno humble… it depends on how you look at them. The men in my social club say Im fearless when it comes to the good women, I dont agree since to me a woman isnt really a catch unless she is marryable

    Comeback has a pretty face and brings home ok but less than me type money, and shes educated and dressed nice and has great silky hair. But for a girlfriend shes a dime but if Im thinkin wife to me I can approach her any which way because shes lacking. Am I broken that I look at women that way?

    I havent kissed a womans ass since miss may… but lets be real. Swingsuit model and double phd, dark skin, nice eyes, geeky… yeah that was a rare find. But most women I meet are in the dating pool for a reason of their own doing. Theres no reason to be intimidated or ass kissing to any of them.

    Now I may treat some women a little too nice… thats just my personality, I want people to like me. But none of these women out here are ABOVE my station and none deserve to have their asses kissed. its too easy for a woman to get married in this day and age… if any woman is over 30 and mildly decent looking without a vaginal disease… and shes not married? you have the upperhand my man.

  66. wait… why do we keep refering to it as the man who cheats?

    What did Uncle HNIC say? Men bang the secretary (and the stripper at the club and the little girl from around the way and the new intern) once

    but women CHEAT… they carry on full blown romances and relationships outside of their current one. they date the boss they have a romantic trist with an old lover ect ect.

    both are bad, but lets keep clear whats goin down. CUz most setteled men aint goin chasin pussy around the office when he can be home playin XBOX…. but a woman will usually seek to upgrade if they can and its safe.

  67. @Hasani: I swear man … I just see what you have become from where you came and I tear up every time. You used to be taking first dates from Black Planet to Ruth's Chris … now you know too many of these girls are selfish, stuck up, and "damaged" to be putting in such a crazy initial investment.

    Just don't go too far and pass up the good ones. Their becoming hard to find … so when u do find it … cut off the stragglers and get back to ur nice guy.

    I swear … this man got a little paper in his pockets and balls just dropped (I'm messing wit u bruh … lol).

  68. @Hasani: I wish I could agree with you on the belief that men don't hold affairs and that our infidelity was localized to one single incident … but thats not always true.

    And honestly … it doesn't matter. If you cheat man … you cheat. Unless your like my man slipping on coke in the strip club … as soon as ur in the new p*ssy you've committed a serious wrong …

  69. @SBM-She couldn't call me, she didn't know I existed but her contact info was in their e-mail. Also I co-sign your statement to Hasani don't put it too much at first. The woman may be a golddigger. I personally don't give a darn about what you have financially. Just be nice to me I would rather have your time!

    @Humble-That's nice. I have to say I am not the type that most men look at twice unless I am their specific type of a woman. I think at 30 you have your head on straight plus you might have been through a thing or two to know the difference. Besides I have not had anyone kiss my @$$ ever. Everything I do for the man I am with is strictly for both his and my own enjoyment. I like seeing you smile and be happy.

  70. @HNIC-I would have to say that with the two married men I have dealt with it was not a one time thing but a 6 month, everyday, my coworkers and friends know about you type thing. But my best friend sent me an interesting quote from Oscar Wilde yesterday, "A man always wants to be a woman's first love, while a woman always wants to be a man's last romance."

  71. @SBM – I am in Detroit. I don't know what has changed from my parents time but, this is rediculous. Luckily I wasn't married. I have a few friends that are older than me and have been with these type of women. Dudes on the outside are looking like – "man she is bangin" but you are going through hell. With all my friends it's the same story. As soon as things get rough and the relationship demands more from them the problems start.

  72. "…don’t put it too much at first. The woman may be a golddigger. I personally don’t give a darn about what you have financially. Just be nice to me I would rather have your time!"

    whooooa…foul on the play!!! as much as I would like to believe that I'm like this…I have decided that through a little self reflection I am not…earning potential is a big thing for me…guess that makes me a golddigger. some people give a lot initially, i am one of those people and i expect nothing less in return. that is all. carry on.

  73. @Teacia-Just because you expect a man to be a man does not mean that you are being a golddigger. I definitely like it when you show that you can take care of me, but don't flaunt your money or your wealth. I don't need it like that. Leaving me $1000 on the dresser to compensate for you working away your Saturday isn't going to work. I am sorry I would rather be comfortable and have quality time than have someone raving to me about their money all the time.

  74. @Teacia and Jaclynn – Being I am in Detroit where the state has been in an recession since the beginning of this decade my take on the money thing is different. What I have seen with my friends relationships is that in the beginning they did the spoiling and providing. But when they lose their jobs or aren't making as much money as before they get no support. The women still want to be comfortable and expect the man to do whatever is possible to make sure she is comfortable. If a man is working and struggling while his wife is just doing her something is not right. My parents split household responsibilities evenly. Both times when my Dad lost his job my mom held the family down.

  75. @Teacia&Humble-When I say comfortable I mean within my relationship. Money is important, but a man should no that the woman he is with has his back. If you wanna spoil me, then let's have dinner, sit on the couch, and watch a movie. Wanna really spoil me, go to Wal-Mart get some bubblebath and 3 roses for $5 and put them in the water, grab $7 worth of candles and do your thing! That means more to me than Coach, Louis and Gucci put together I have all 3 and I bought them. To me, there's just certain things that a man can do that money can't. I also believe that household duties should be shared, whether it's half and half or you pay this and I pay that. Plus in any relationship each person should hold the other person down. Is there a blog with more of your thoughts and opinions?

  76. As far as a mans income or earning potential the only thing that is important to me is that he can support himself and i dont have to pay for everything all the time. I am young and I am just getting through that phase where I think it's okay that I pay for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G because "he needs the money for his kids" or "he is having problems finding a job." i am done with that. But at the same time I dont expect that man has a lot of money. Just enough that he doesnt have to ever ask me for money and can pay his own way and mine every so often.

  77. well Jaclynn I feel ya girl…but spoil me with trips and lavish gifts…lol. i'm not going to front, i enjoy the sweet and tender moments we share together, but i do love me a grand gesture as well. i also don't mind the $1000 bucks on the nightstand b/c he has to leave for work…although if we're married i need to have a card with my name on it…no nightstand foolery please…but if he's gone for work then it wouldn't bother me…if he's leaving me for play well then that's a different story.

    then again this could be my disposition because of the men i've grown accustomed to dating, they're always on the grind trying to conquer the world…and not only can i be patient for our time together…it turns me on to no end. like i said i love hard…and my spending reflects as much..so i expect nothing less in return.

    now humble…if i'm with a man and he loses his job, i don't mind carrying the load FOR A WHILE while he's ACTIVELY seeking employment, but if things become overwhelming then we need to look at relocating. also i think there will be bigger problems if there is a grand load to carry…i'm fiscally conservative and i date men who are also smart with their money…so i don't know…the vows say "for better or for worse"…this definitely seems like 'for worse' and i know that i wouldn't run from my vows, i take them very seriously…now if this was just a nigga i was dating we may have another situation altogether…lol.

  78. @QB-yes, I am over feeling like I have to pay for everything, but I know I should pay for something every now and again. I think it is important for both parties to sit down and feel like the other is putting something on the table as well.

    @Teacia-See a grand gesture for me need only happen a few unexpected times a year. If you can't I understand and let me know. One Valentine's Day an ex couldn't afford a gift so he wrote poem and that was so cool with me. I love hard as well but neither my heart or p*$sy are for sale. Not to say that anyone's are but sometimes I think men get the impression if I buy her everything in Saks she'll put out or I can f*Ck up she won't care long as these roses and lilies make it home. So not the case.

  79. lol…yeah i feel you on not being for sale. money definitely isn't the end all be all, and it doesn't guarantee you a spot in my life..but it sure does make the future fuck-ups go down a little smoother(**again these are just my experiences, not my qualifications**).

    i can do hardworking and content and not rolling in dough…but i just can't wrap my mind around a man being broke. it just seems like a right shoe on the left foot…it just doesn't fit.

  80. @Jaclyn: I agree that the woman should pay for something at some point if not to do anything more than show she is in this for more than money. Its refreshing when your girl surprises you with "no baby … i got it".

    @Teacia: A stack on the f*cking dresser … gotdamn. I gotta side with the Jaclyn and the roses and candles. Sweet and meaningful (even as a guy) has always impressed me more than big and flashy (I make money …)

  81. @SBM you know what's sad? It wil be along time before the words "no baby i got this" come out my mouth. In March I went on a date with a guy and it was the first time ever in my life that a man has paid for something on a date…

  82. @QB: You have got to be kidding me though. I don't get that. As a guy who has traditionally hated paying for females … I'm not stupid and I've been doing it for years.

    How old are you though?

  83. @SBM-Precisely. Now if I was with you I know you make money. Great. You can be responsible and pay your own bills. I don't have to worry because I believe if something went wrong you'd have my back. I'd rather that than have Prada and Christian Louboutin but I can't get my medicine or my air conditioned is broke (it is HOT here). Furthermore, I guess I grew up not needing fancy stuff. I am trying to move right now and I have so much it's crazy so no more! And it's not even that I'm trying to buy the cheapest things. I buy things that make his face light up because I'm generally with men who do the same for me.

    @QB-I didn't say do it all the time. How old are you? I mean my goodness. What is going on in your neck of the woods?

  84. SBM exactly…you make it and I spend it. And as I stated above, I spend money without hesitation on my mate as well…my sweetie will gladly point out that I'm far from stingy with the purse…but I do have my expectations…and as lovely as roses and candles are, roses wilt and candles melt. I take cash, gift certificates, traveler's checks and credit cards wherever Visa and Mastercard is accepted…oh and let's not forget about AMEX.

    QB- gotdamn child…what do you mean the FIRST time EVER…now that's a damn shame…you been letting these negroes use you like that *shaking my head*…where has the role expectations gone in this country…it's all becoming a fuzzy little mess I tell ya…gurl don't you open up that purse of yours no mo'…or until you're in a steady AND healthy relationship with a man who is deserving of your coins.

  85. ooooh Christian Louboutin…there's a pair of black pumps with my name on it…girl you got me over here salivating.

    …in all seriousness though, i love my moments of boredom. i enjoy a simple life(for now) and actually don't require extravagant gestures, it's all talk folks…granted i did date fellas who were loaded, and it was easy to get caught up into the lifestyle of monetary compensation for time…but in the end it's the little things that mean the most, although the dough ain't never hurt nobody. 😉

    ha ha ha…i crack me up.

  86. @Teacia-I am SHOCKED! Lol…I mean it's all good. I do like nice things but I don't want a man to feel like he has control over my life because he rolling off c-notes. At this point, I just want someone to be there for me that I can build some stuff with. I want a relationship where we don't have to go to anyone else for anything. Just him and me. Did we lose the men on this?

  87. I should clarify – i have never been on a date where the guy paid before March and I have never dated a man that paid for anything before March. I have guy friends who have paid for things for me

    i am 24 years old.

  88. ya know… I have to totally agree with comeback with a little change. Us "housecats" are not the same breed as stray cats. By thought process seems to be the same as the guys I used to hang around but alien to the likes of SBM and every woman on this blog.

    Ill give you guys the benefit of a dobut that your just not on life via TV and romance novels however. We cna agree that men are difficult to settle down but once we do… watch out because we arent the same person. this could also be why so many sistas cheat these days, they like the challenge of getting the man to a certain point and once your a domesticated black man… I must say We are pretty fukin boring 🙂

    If I have to sit on a first date and listen to another Omorosa clone tell me she left her husband because he didnt take her out to the club every friday and he just wanted to sit home…. Im gonna fukin pull my hair out… or hers actually.

    sistas dont change much after you settle them down, they want want want but the way they want and what they want changes. Brothas turn into housekittys ( =^.^=meow)

    watching single guys out in public was kinda sickening to me, but I am totaly one now..

    SBM.. brotha, 76 hour workweeks and still boxing and still TRYING to get the heavy weights in too (benched 240 today HOLLaaaaa) its something else. But I just "simped out" and used my first whole check to buy Miss ER a Michelle Urban watch yesterday. Its a beautiful thing to watch a grown valley girl cry…. over a gawd damn WATCH she pretty much paid for.

    Ill never understand women.

  89. If you didnt think Teacia was spandin a dudes cash wit the quickness. Look at her pictures and tell me you would tell her no? Its not the pretty faces that makes the wallet open… its those "if you ever got me in bed youd fukin DIE lil negro" lookin type sistas.

    Im no fan of Teacia… and she actually wouldnt get a date from me…. not my taste for bringing home to momzy…. But I gotta give credit where credit is due. I wouldnt be able to tell her no goin to Ruth Chris or "She' Whities" and that smile? oh FOgetaboudit, thats coach bags all day.

    Thats not simping… thats just human nature really.

  90. uhhh thanks Hasani…i guess. *in frustration*….and i don't even like Ruth Chris or those foo foo restaurants…bring on the ribs and skrimp…i mean really…it's not even my thing.

    i am so tired of my looks losing me points, if i was some overweight average looking chic i would probably have better luck with men…damn you wouldn't take me home to mom b/c i'm attractive…now that's a whole lot…oh wait, or is it because there isn't enough vanilla in me…lol..either way it's a stupid presumption…oh and i don't own one designer bag…i feel like it's waste of money…even when it's not my money.

    i may feel differently when my tax bracket changes, but for now…it's outlet purses for me.

    …oh what am i whining about…i wouldn't even accept a date offer from Sani' baby…lol.

  91. After reading these posts I remember something else I am running from: any women that says "I am use to be treated a certain way". i.e. the ex-girlfriend or jump-off of drug dealers, athletes, middle management, and blue collar workers that make $70,000 plus.

  92. @Humble-Well…I am used to be treated a certain way and you can bet it has nothing to do with being ex or jumpoff of drug dealers, mid managers, blue collar workers, etc. but it does mean I know way to well what it means to give your all and have life continually messed up.

  93. QB 24 is no excuse…most people on this blog are closer to 24 than you think (wink wink). Please keep your pocket book closed at least for now. Shyt you get a serious repreive. You shouldn't have to open your purse to like 2020.***let me write you a hall pass chile***

    Part of chilvary is a man's display of courtship and his propensity to be a provider to your nuturer. You aren't giving him the ability to show you any of that with your purse open all the time EVERYTIME. I think its a cute little gesture if you reached…like pretend..and he says "I got this chill boo boo". Or if you MUST show a man you're "different" put 25% on the tip or something.

  94. I agree Jaclynn 150%…I;ve had some men buy me some nice little trinkets. Most of which I couldn't tell you where it IS exactly. thats why the only expensive jewelry I buy are watches because they stay.

    But the flowers that I LOVE specifically…… mean you really care because callillies and orchids meant that you actually had to drive and locate the florist who actually buy them overseas. It means you remember what I told you, or what you saw me buy for myself. Im a sucker for stuff like that.

    I actually dont like for men to buy me clothes (ie dress esp.) cause I come out the house looking like a class A hooker. And most men would have a heartattack on the dough I would drop on a shoe or handbag.

  95. Precisely, Comeback. I am sitting here trying to finish my work I have like 40 minutes and I am starting to cry. God knows I don't want to and given the choice I'd rather have someone with no money at all who thinks I'm a princess than someone who has tons of it, but lies.

  96. @Jaclynn – well you are an exception to the rule and please stay that way. I am just tired of seeing guys be chivalrous and courting the so-called "precious and priceless jewel of the earth" aka women and get no type of appreciation. Some women expect men to keep them on cloud 9 24/7. They think that all they have to do is lay on their back, buy him a bag of chips every blue moon, and he is good. They feel that the fact that they are with you is good enough.

  97. @ Humble. I am trying so hard to stay this way and all day everyone on this darn blog has helped and now it's like crunch time for me and I feel like crap. I have been crying for twenty minutes and I guess it's because at not one point in life have I felt like a precious or priceless jewel. In fact, I feel the total opposite.

  98. @ Humble-In this moment, with sweatpants, no makeup and hair in a ponytail I feel I could use a few improvements, but then again guys usually like that, no I just didn't value myself like that. I do, but one thing I know is that I love hard. Very hard. So when someone hurts me I don't understand it. I think it's preposterous like most women do. I'm just a person, just as a man is. I don't know, right now I feel like I made a stupid mistake is all.

  99. @Jaclynn – I think thats good that you don't value yourself on your appearance. A real dude doesn't value a woman off looks. Any dude that does that is gauranteed disappointment and heartbreak.

  100. I agree with Humble…looks are overrated…well not really. I'm kind of "polished"(as my baby likes to tell me) when I get ready but they aren't a reflection of who I am at my core…thank God he was able to see that. I've dated plenty of men who were in love with the idea of having a "pretty chic" on their arm but they didn't respect me as a person or love me in spite of my contradictions.

    But I do think that maybe you should treat yourself and get ur hurr and nails did…it always makes me feel better and the negro yelping on the streets only help to boost your confidence(even if only momentarily).

    …and surprisiningly i'm not very devious at all…just straight forward…men seem to fall for the honest southern type…something about home cooked grits and morning head that just does it to them…lol…ok so now i'm being bad.

  101. Jaclynn

    plesae don't cry …life is good… you'll look back on this and laugh. And then somebody who'll really need to hear a good relevant word similiar to your situation and you will be able to provide perspective. I know ou mad as hell. Some of the vengeful urgers will pass. And then they may come up again. Its not worth it. You don't even WANT a cop talking to you…. begging "Ma'am PLEASE dont do what you're about to do."

    I wish this video was out when i was going through it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSG4Cml7HXs. Just pretend. Cuss his azz out on paper. Burn all his pictures. Imagine his pen$is falls off. And then…when the pain subsides.

    wish him his highest good. Send him peace (this sounds hard. But you WILL be able to do this.)

    in the meantime self care …self care…self care…

    1. buy a fly azz sexy dress…heels maybe that tie.

    2. Take a call from an old flame. Im sure you got men still calling. Men always call. Most men can FEEL when your going through it. I have this one guy WHO ALWAYS calls when I;ve been through drama. I dont sleep with him..he's a little too old. And he thinks he's super fly. But he's not my type.

    3. Get a massage. 4 or 5 star hotel. Im telling you some of those high end places do things with your elbows and fingers …you be hearing God talk to you when its over. Have a martini.

    4. Take a long bath.

  102. oh and Jaclynn make sure ur here tomorrow for the weekly rants..they're kind of a big deal…you can get all of this nonsense off of your heart…it really helps…just a thought.

  103. yep…i gotta go with Comeback's advice on this one…revenge is never the answer…damn i didn't read all of the comments, did i miss something…cause i have no idea what's going on here?!?!? *scratching head, looking puzzled*

  104. Well….I think the good push to the ribs I took ought to be enough. When I asked if he wanted to go to jail he asked if I'd like to be in the hospital or die?

    @Teacia-Do you know where Southside Boulevard is?

  105. oh ok…shit who hasn't…i never knew how someone could committ murder until this one day 5 years ago when…well let's just say thank god my homegirls were there…didn't stop the cops from coming though…craziness i tell ya.

    thank god for growth!!

    Jaclynn…yep that's down the way…i live downtown so everything is down the way…lol. let me find out ur in the ville'.

  106. oh I draw the line at murder and any injury that I would inflict …where I might get dirty, bruised, or my clothes get messed up….but his personal property, perelli tires, imported speciality engines yellow in color and signed by the engineer…oh …well…ummm

    im a changed woman. onward and upward.

  107. yeah well "…murder was the case that they gave me." i kid i kid…lol. no, but i was mad enough that i wanted to take that man's life…especially since i was carrying his.

    oh well, such is life.

    onward and upward indeed!

    …and apparently we have the same taste in flowers, callalillies are my favorite, orchids come in a for a first place tie. just went orchid shopping with my homegirls last week, which reminds me that i need to go and pick up my order tomorrow.

  108. I didn't wanna inflict harm. Glad you changed!

    @Teacia-I have replied.

    I swear the men got scared and left us.

  109. I LOVE orchids…i get mad when there time has come…i've never done all that trimming your supposed to do and wait the following season/year for the bloom. Tullips with the long stems are also good. Callillies are the bomb diggidy, and are big time feng shui.

    I think guys act differently around fresh flowers…im doing some personal feng shui research.

    …im sure hasani will come in soon with his green thumb to give us a horticulture lesson.

    hasimeister, where are you.?

  110. he's probably tripped and fallen into some vajay-jay…did you notice his swagger a lot less simpish…good vajay-jay will do that a nigga errtime.

    i'm with you on the orchids…i have a window sill in my kitchen that is bare and gets perfect lighting…it's the perfect place for an orchid. the calla lillies are something serious though…i think they are absolutely beautiful and will definitely be a centerpiece bouquet for my wedding.

    SBM…I'm just saying…you negroes tend to do that when we get all ABW flashback on ya asses…lol.

    Jaclynn…SBM strikes me as the cheap type…I doubt he got anything for us, his faithful readers…lol.

  111. HE could have at least brought back some damned chocolate. True, true…I think head can do them even better though…they lose all control…just total control…head and a meal….

    ABW-ness can kill men.

  112. Ok I am finally back… what off the post subject are yall talking about today?… May I have a recap until I finish the comments.

    @SBM: Your inspiration…You muse…WOW Bruh…crazy is right…lol I love it though!!!

  113. @QB: You didn't offend anyone. And 24 aint that young … people been guessing my age (stated as Mid Twenties) for some time now.

    @Ms. D: Yeah … u know …

  114. @QB-Trust me you aren't the youngest and being young isn't bad because sometimes the young still have knowledge!

  115. @SBM i know it's not really all that young but i am pretty f*cking scared of 25 and that's coming around the corner so for the next few months i get to say i am young.

  116. Who….What……????? What happened here…hmmm

    So does Karma comes back also to the person that receives the sexual healing from the cheater???

    I need to know.

  117. @Lion: If you know he/she has a special someone and you are willingly the "other person" … then yeah … your going to hell (aka Hades) also!

    Sorry …

  118. I know what you mean Jaclynn but there are other implications in HIS statement. Unwillingly also means you could know but just be mad as hell about it…knowlingly/unknowlingly would be better wordage.

  119. @Comeback: Sometimes you really just have to stop trying to read between the lines. Jaclynn seemed to get it.

    If you know about the other person and help this person cheat, your Kharma is f*cked. For our poor Jaclynn, she is good because she didn't know. She was unwilling participant.

    I am much more of an upstanding guy than u think. I wouldn't give someone an out because they delude themselves … Not me!

  120. Alright not reading the comments, but it has probably already been said…but I ain't feelin' you on this one.

    I don't believe there are anti-cheaters. EVERYBODY has the ability to cheat in them. Like you mentioned it is your "choice" in the end on whatcha gonna do.

    And that whole scenario @ condom/stripper/curtain….funny but NO man would pass that ish up! That right there you painted was for fairy tales!! Haha! I couldn't buy that one ;o)

  121. We all make poor choices, but when are people going man up up to the fact that at the end of the day that who ever is doing the cheating are losers. You should both hold your head up high close your legs no matter how enticing it might be, and keep it moving. When you cheat you open the door for Karma to step in. When you cheat you open the door for some wife, husband or girlfriend, boyfrined standing at the door with a broken family. When you cheat you open the door for some guy or girl who could kick you’re a** or kill you. You never know what lies in the heart of men, and women! The next time you are ready to cheat with someone no matter how exciting it may be. Is that the person you want sitting at Thanksgiving dinner with you and your family? When you kiss that person, sit back for a minute and think about where their mouth has been. Just think about it!

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