So … your laying there with your significant other (or your FwB, Cut Buddy, or one night stand) and thinking to yourself “Ok … so I know I’m gonna f*ck … but my balls (or clit) are dry.  Man … I sure want some head”.

Now your mind starts to race.  You know there are certain rules to this.  Asking flat out rarely works … unless you are extremely comfortable with this person.  Sure you could just put it in her mouth and hope for the best … but you could be bitten or denied head for years to come.  You could go ahead and just give her some … with the hopes of receiving … but all of us know too often how that scenario plays out (“ummm … you want me to do what now … ha ha ha … suck your own dick!  I got mine!”).

What to do?  How do you make sure you go to sleep feeling orally satisfied?

SBM to the rescue.  Here are a few suggestions to ensure that you go to sleep … “satisfied”.

1. Lay her head on your “pillow”.

You love letting her rest your head on your chest.  Just keep inching her head further south until she’s resting on that little patch of hair right above your “best friend”.  Then, complain about the heat and pull him out … real casual like.  The rest should write itself.

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2. Talk about your friend’s great girlfriend who just loves to give head.

The power of suggestion … its powerful.  Your girl wants to be a good girlfriend (or at least move up the ranks from the cut buddy).  You think so highly of your friend’s girl … so maybe it will just motivate her to “do better”.

3. Pop in that all oral porn movie you got.

“Hey baby … wanna watch something with me”.  After watching skilled professionals make kielbabasa sized “things” disappear into thin air … she’ll start thinking “I can do that!  She ain’t got nothing on me!”  Isn’t that competitive spirit lovely!

4. Give her diamonds (ring, tennis bracelet, earrings).

If this one doesn’t work … you need to let her ass go anyway.  To any woman who has received a gift of diamonds and didn’t properly “thank” her man … kill yourself (in the proverbial words of Juicy J).

5. Tell her close her eyes.  Kiss her neck.  Kiss her forhead.  Kiss her cheek. Then right as she anticipates the final kiss … put it on her lips.

Uh … never actually tried this one … but it should work in theory … right?!?!
So … 5 tips on making sure that special someone gives you some “special attention”.  I will admit … these tactics really should only be used on a girlfriend or very serious dating partner.  There is a good chance you might either waste your money, get cursed out, or possbly be laughed at so hard … your “person” swallows their own tounge.

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I know there have to be a lot more suggestions out there … my infallible wisdom is limited to just me.  What other methods are there out there?  Any women that can cosign, rebut, or suggest better?  And I know someone has got a story!

So … go out and get some head … your balls shall be dry no more!