Home Dating & Relationships Dating Online Dating: Wave of the future.

Online Dating: Wave of the future.

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Its 2008.  There is technology available to us and ingrained into our daily lives that our grandparents could never have dreamed of … all of it greatly effecting the way we date and love in the 21st century.

Now you have cell phones, giving use 24 hour access to your boo.  There is GPS tracking for catching that lying hoe. Text messages have shown us that “b*tches love smiley faces” (Boondocks reference). The list goes on for days …

But … the single biggest impact on dating from the “Information Age” has to be online dating.

Think about it … in your PJs chilling at the crib you can find love, spit game to strangers, or just set up that jump off situation for the night.

Or … you can have a team of computers in a cold room far away use the doctorate research of the greatest minds to scour the internet and find you the perfect match …

WOW …

Personally, if I haven’t found Mrs. SBM by 27 … I’m headed to e-Harmony and finding my mate.  I am a big believer in online dating (in theory) … so let me tell you why.

More selection

If you think about it … the dating system is horribly inefficient (here is where my Economics degree gets utilized).  The whole thing is based on being at the same place at the same time with the right person … and then actually interacting with them.  Whether its the club, bar, professional group, supermarket … its still a lot of chance.  This, as an auctioning system (in pure economic terms that what dating is) … its highly inefficient.  Online dating opens up your selection pool significantly.

See Also:  SBM Answers: Disposable Black Women?

Best foot forward

Suppose lightning does strike and you see Mrs. Right.  Oh … wait … she has a ketchup stain on her shirt from that chicken biscuit she had this morning … “keep it moving”.  Now you are passing up a happiness you will never know … because of a random event.  Since online profiles are the best representation of a person, this is what you should judge someone on (as long as its honest … no more putting up high school picks as your profile pics).  This takes out a lot of the volatility that happens in the real world … you know … even things out a bit.

More information sooner

Me … SBM … doesn’t think a phat ass is telling about how good your gonna treat me or if your a b*tch or not.  As a result, I’m not going to approach every attractive female (which would consume all my day with the fine women here in the Nation’s capital).  Online, I know what you look like, what you do for a living, if you went to school, if you got kids, and if your best friends with my crazy ex.  This is sooooo helpful in figuring out who gets poked … and who get passed on.

See Also:  Has Technology Made Us Lazy?

Computers are smart

Some of these sites actually use well researched algorithms to match people together.  Having a computer science background … damned if I can’t put some trust in these machines.  Hell … I trust the navigation in my car to get me home … why not trust a machine to make sure I’m putting the ring on the right finger.

Now … I say all this with a MySpace failure and a Facebook failure under my belt and having never used Match, e-Harmony, or BlackPeopleMeet … but I’m a thinker … so I still believe its the future.

Any success stories?  Horror Stories? Reasons your going to go out and find that perfect mate online right now?

Comment(132)

  1. I met my miss ER on blackpeoplemeet.com of all places…… I hit it the first time I went over her place…. and she is double my education and has 5 times the earning potential. Thank god shes not an angry black woman.. cuz my rail thin ditsy valleygirl doctor just loves her tall fine black man to death 🙂

    I will prob inform her that I want us to get a place together next spring…. I havent told her this and will continue to deny.

    would finding someone you want to live with be a good enough success story?

  2. Valleygirl huh…I was wondering why we made the correlation earlier that she was white…now I know. Look at you being all misleading and things…lol. So Miss ER is black, would have definitely cut down on a lot of arguing before…so you bought the watch for a black chic…just not an American born black chic. Is Miss ER African…you do mention dating a lot of Africans. I'm convinced you just like to start stuff, your life can't be that boring and unfulfilling that have you have to get online to beat your chest now would it.

  3. Anyhow on to the topic. I've met a couple people on Blackplanet yeeeeeaaaaars ago, it was no cool…no love connection I can recall, no one I can recall sleeping with either. I also met a couple of dudes on myspace, dated them both but they weren't a fan of the distance…they were ONLY in the A'…but these fellas are a bit needy, so I didn't sweat it. I had hella stuff in common with both of them, one more than the other, but no worries we have been the greatest of friends since. Now suprisingingly we all have mutual friends and that's how my profile was discovered.

    One caught a poem on my page and had to write to me, we both share the love of writing. The other and I started with an argument on a blog on my homegirl's page entitled "You're almost 30, attractive and still single"…lol, it was a blog about men actually and boy did it get ugly. He took offense and I latched on, it was on from there. He stereotyped me by my looks and wasn't expecting a rationale and intelligent yet HIGHLY heated debate…even turned on a couple of readers…lol. Although we decided against dating b/c he can't have me when he wants me(impatient ass)…he and I are like kindred spirits. We share the same bday separated by 7 hours, we think alike in just about every topic, we're both slick with the tongues, but also very loving individuals. He has become a great friend, one whom I NEVER met, all of our correspondence has been over the phone, he never texts or emails me, he only calls.

    Well we both have moved on to our respective relationships and call to catch up or when we need advice since we literally are the same person, just of the opposite sex, we know what the other is thinking and we understand the problem better than anyone else. If it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have met this guy, and I'm thankful to have him a friend.

    Shit, in all honesty he is the only man who could knock my current beau off his throne…which would be a near IMPOSSIBLE feat. A beau who I met uhhhhh online…lol, yep even with all of the men I meet in person it's the ones I meet online who do it for me. These men fall in love with my words and my mind and not my body, so the foundation is stronger. They actually wouldn't approach me in the real world b/c I don't appear to be smart…yep their asses all say that. So my looks kind of puts me at a disadvantage in dating in the real world…so online dating it is.

  4. It seems everyone has had more positive than negative experiences meeting people online. I'm worried I will meet a nut. I also have a losing record talking to women I have not seen first. I am more open to meet women outside of traditional means but I still have my reservations.

  5. I met my first love (the one that I gave the virginity to) when I was 19 or 20 on Blackplanet. com. So… love connections do happen. Now that I'm older, and more suspicious of people, it makes me a little nervous. There are so many LIARS and I'm scared.

    On the other hand, I'm considering throwing caution to the wind: because between work, school, church, blah blah, and etc., it's probably more time efficient for me to do so online.

  6. Humble, I have found online dating to be a little bit more conducive to the type of lifestyle that I have and it hasn't been so bad. I have meet my fare share of wackies (actually a few funny ass stories) but nothing that would make me shun the idea. My best friend dates online a lot to not because she can't find a man outside of the net but she just doesn't go out that much and neither do I. And actually when we do get hit on its more like "c'mere girl" lemmie take ya home and show you what daddy is working with, there is no "Block button" on those types of men lol.

  7. @Mikki: I am the EXACT same way. LOL. The way you get HOLLERED at in the streets, is not the way to start of a beautiful relationship. "Red, RED." Who the heck brought up these men? HA

  8. I've gone on most of them before and still have a few open accounts there too (including e harmony). However most most feel "cheap" to me, as in easy.

    I think an economic theory can apply to getting your lazy azz out the house and living life with hobbies, social engagements and events, to also meet great people. But I could be wrong.

  9. I personally don't have any stories… but my sister met her boyfriend off of e-harmony. They've been together for 3 years and recently moved in together with plans on getting married next year. I'm not real big on internet dating — but her relationship seems to be a heathly one. Although everytime a e-harmony commercial comes on… I have jokes for days for her & her man.

    lol

  10. I, Ms. Feckles, personally prefer to meet my mate in social settings. I'm not knocking anyone who has met folks off the internet because I have once or twice back in the day when blackplanet was big ( I think I was like 19 or 20 back then). However, there is something much more intimate and personal when a man approaches you with class and introduces himself while sparking up some interesting conversation for the mind.

  11. @Mikki – I have considered doing the online for the same reasons as you. Sometimes I work 50-70 hours a week so I don't have the time or I don't feel like going out all the time.

    @Mikki & Nicki Sunshine – I never find or bump into women like you two. I never have and never will approach a woman like that. I have friends that do that and they always seem to win.

  12. "there is something much more intimate and personal when a man approaches you with class and introduces himself while sparking up some interesting conversation for the mind"

    a cold cold day in ……

    when that actually happens to me lol

    maybe in the movies, book, or my dreams!

  13. err Should the race of the woman I date make a gawd damn difference to you?

    no

    Do you look stupid for carrying on about how my girlfriend …err.. I mean woman I go out on dates with (phew almost slipped up there) is white?

    yes

    did you actually apologize for demeaning her?

    no

    does race matter for how you percive a woman treats a man?

    yes

    I wonder how many post we can go back on where you say I dont know what Im talking about because I am banging a white girl… wait.. sorry let me put it the way you guys would "A WHITE GIRL!!!!"…. now that you no longer think her skin color is white.

    I honestly laugh at the american born black females insecurity towards white women.

    I walk down the street with my godsons mother. A curvy white chick with big boobs, who lives in the suburbs like me went to same schools as me and loves her children like me… and black women suck their teeth. and mumble sellout

    I walk down the street with an african born woman, a woman who wasnt raised in america, is another religion, speaks another language, has 100% different culture and values, and acts totally different…. yet its fine?

    issues… yall sistas have issues.

  14. Comeback I totally agree with you about "Getting out"

    I don't consider myself lazy by any means, Its just that when the work day is done, I would rather come and relax vs going out and possibly getting a drink spilled on me, smoke inhalation, and tab on a drinking bill thats still on my bank statement when i get home cuz dudes are to cheap to buy me a drank.

    and not to make excuses but there just arent to many social settings with professional black people around here…….

    lol @ Nikki I am wondering the same thing "women like us"

  15. I'm so 1930's.

    I like a personal interaction when I first meet a woman. The way she smells, or her nose scrunches when she laughs, or the stain on her t-shirt, or the way that her pupils dilate when she knows she likes you. The way the sun was shining, the music playing in the background. How your voice either goes up or down an octave trying to be smooth. The push-pull animal magnetism of it. mmmmmmmm

    Internet dating robs that from me lol. Yes you can schedule a date, but when you get there, she's gonna have herself best made up. I like to catch women off guard. A woman that can still be beautiful when she's not all dollied up is soooo sexy.

    My theory is if you're living an exciting life and are a fun person, off-line dating is great. Going out to motorcycle race, or dance, or hang out randomly with great people…and it will just happen. 100% economy.

    why. soooo…serious!??!!

  16. so anyway,

    my biggest problem with online dating.

    it gives my nemesis… the angry black woman…. what she needs to continue on.

    The angry black woman is what seems to be most out here on the dating sites. Think about it, its quick and email based so it fits into their corporate lifestyles. They get showered wit compliments from all the married guys hitting on them and they get to feel big about themselves blowing them off… but when they actually feel lonely… like when one of their girlfriends actually has a date and they feel left out, they just go out on a date from match.com and let the nigga entertain them.

    I think if the ABW was totally 100% alone it would fix them… but most can "fish" for brothas online to sustain them. then usually either put them on the "dont call or text me… Ill text you once per month" rotation like many have me on… or they pull the "guuurl there was just no chemistry and he has issues" and will go back to her single life with cafe lates and channel glasses.

  17. I have no issues with a man dating a white woman… I have issues with a BLACK man dating a white woman while HATING his own sistas and putting us all into the same category as being: angry, unsupportive, jealous, bitchy, and whatever negative words that man chooses to use.

    I am friends with two white women, who both have a love of black men. One of them is a curvy, thick, southern born and bred white girl, whose body is much more on the black man's dream scale, than my own more slender frame. She does not make me insecure. I give her props for her coke bottle.

    So, with that being said, I don't know who HNIC just went off on, but I'm going to go ahead and take myself out of that category of "issues… yall sistas have issues."

  18. @Mikki AKA Anitra Clark: I second that. Walking….errr, teetering around in 3 1/2 inch stillettos to make myself look like a dang supermodel IS NO FUN! LOL.

    Pajamas, girl, I wish. My mantra is, "you never know who is looking," so you'll never catch me out the house looking a mess. That is exhausting and makes a quick trip to the store across the street into a an EVENT. I want to be relaxed too!!!!!!!

  19. Has the world gone mad??? We assume that people we meet online are crazy. The chances of meeting someone online who is crazy shouldn't be that different from the existence of that phenomenon at-large.

    How many serial-killing, joker-crazy, rapists exist? Seriously. We add to much weight to the wrong low probability events due to shock value.

    I get out A WHOLE LOT. The craziest, most-pressed chicks I met were in professional organizations, networking events, and * sigh * at church. I haven't really done online dating but I don't think it could be any worse. Match here I come!

  20. Interesting topic. Those who online date what is your purpose-is it to find a mate or someone to sleep with? I've read that someone slept with a person the first time they met them. Is one nighters more common with online dating?

  21. @Shiela… I haven't done it yet, but my purpose would be to find a guy to kick it with, a nice guy, possible relationship if it grows into one…. I (just like EVERY woman I know) have no trouble finding a guy to just knock off if we want it. I think ALL women get it thrown at them as soon as they leave the house. LOL

  22. I use my own computer calculation to bet it all to work. I use a couple different websites and I also go out regularly. Between the old school and technology technique…I usually have a good prospect pool. Everyone has had bad experiences if you've dated at all. But as many of my readers know, I'm single by choice not because I can't meet someone.

    If I had myspace and facebook at 21.. my pimpage would be on a whole new level by now! I love technology. I don't have to meet the club rats.

  23. SBM I think I will join you at eHarmony in the onsetting years.

    I've met 2-3 people on blackplanet back when it was more popular. No extended love connections but I can say I am still friends with them. I used to feel like if you meet someone online, the same way they met you and said whatever to get your attention, is the same way they meet x amount of people in the same time. But, that is the same for off-line also. The same way dude said hello, you look nice today, etc. and exchange numbers by the end of the conversation, if he's just that type of dude (or shes just that type of female), he/she will spark off a convo the same way with the next person that walks by. Especially in club situations, if dude meets you in a club, he might be back in the club next week tryna talk to someone else.

    I'll reiterate, I no longer feel this way.

  24. Shelia – with online dating, I would want to find a mate. I don't go online looking for dates now, but when I did, that was the purpose.

    I do not use myspace or facebook for dating. I actually have the site for what I believe it was made for – keeping in touch with my friends. I do not go looking through people's profiles for the hell of it nor do I accept requests from people I do not know.

    SBM, what was your facebook experience? was she a total stranger or a friend of a friend kinda deal?

  25. @Nicki Sunshine – Quite the contrary. If some how I knew before I approached you that you wanted to be approached in a respectful manner I would approach you. That is the only way I know how to talk to a woman. I've never been the "what up ma" or "aye lightskin" type of dude.

    @Antidater – Cosign. I am so sick of people telling me that I would have better luck with the professional or the church going, or the homebody, or the educated woman. I have dealt with all of them and each of them had issues. I am not saying I have had all bad experiences with these type of women. Sometimes people come off as if someone with a degree or in church is automatically a good choice.

  26. "Interesting topic. Those who online date what is your purpose-is it to find a mate or someone to sleep with?"

    @ Shelia…and let the church marinate on this for a second. Some sites i've heard are all about the hook up and annoymous sex. However I agree with Eathan, I think online dating should just be another tool in our tool belt, when you totally rely on one method, I think you've lost the battle.

    @ Mikki I refuse to believe that there arent quality datable men in the Detroit metro area aren't like two of them on HERE. Humble and Why?

  27. I enjoy your posts…especially your rants on Friday. I have one request though…. you keep misspelling "you're" as "your"…. 🙂

    I just wanted to bring it to your attention ! Keep up the good work

    – RJ

  28. I'm already in a relationship, but if I had to try online dating I would be scared that the person may be crazy and/or they may NOT look like the picture they have on profile. This has happened to my cousin; I told her not to meet up with the guy (the pic was of some fine & fit man on a boat) turns out he was really a Fat Albert. She stayed on the date with him because she didn't want to be rude. WTF? He lied from the get-go! I would have high-tailed it outta there.

    However, my aunt did meet her second husband through online dating. That was 8 years ago and she is in bliss living in France with him now. I have friends who talked through facebook/myspace initially, than met up at certain networking events and ended up dating (this probably doesn't count though)

  29. anti… chicks are crazy period. you just have to find one whos crazyness you can deal with most.

    niki sunshine. Very few black men HATE black women. its just when you find a black man who dosent like something that your lacking you accuse them of "hating black women"

    this blog is full of lashes against black men… I mean choc full of em. but most go by the wayside because in this current generation we are use to degrading the black man and making him the butt of all jokes.

    For shits and giggles a few times I have gone back to old post, copy and pasted esact comments various sistas have made about brothas.. changed around a word or two and directed it back at black women and have been accused of "hating black women", its rather amusing to watch from this side.

    I even had someone accuse me once of hating black women, because I like athletic slender women. I belive her claim must have been that "all black women are fat" which is so not the case…. as im sitting here watching a WNBA game and the US womens relay team.

    but back to online dating… I rebuke all of this crap that its more natural to meet someone in person. hell you ARE meeting people in person… you just speak to them online first.

    I have met 90% of the women I have dated either online or in my social clubs and community events.

    If I sat home and went to the gym and work every day I would have only had 3 dates this year. ya 3 dates in a year is rather NOT healthy…. I think ill stick to things the way Im doing them now.

  30. @Humble_One: I would think that after looking at the type of woman I am (clothes not too tight, no grills, no tattoos all over my body- the one I have is pretty well hidden. HA), a man would know how to approach me… and the place he meets me should dictate. I work downtown so a lot of men I meet are on my way to work… I'm in work clothes… why scream out of the car, aye Red, or some crap.

    If you don't know how to approach a woman, wouldn't you always go for the nicer route? Just wondering…. And if not, what is your usual technique?

  31. @SBM

    "Me … SBM … doesn’t think a phat ass is telling about how good your gonna treat me or if your a b*tch or not. As a result, I’m not going to approach every attractive female (which would consume all my day with the fine women here in the Nation’s capital). Online, I know what you look like, what you do for a living, if you went to school, if you got kids, and if your best friends with my crazy ex. This is sooooo helpful in figuring out who gets poked … and who get passed on."

    I wish I knew this at your age. I thought that you could have the phat ass and a good relationship. I see that the more some women get a lot of attention from men, the less they are built for a functional relationship.

  32. Nikisunshine… just show us the pic gurlfriend, Ill let you know how we would approach ya and Ill send you that form to fill out for HNIC wife grooming camp 😉

    and I refuse to go to a masque or temple to pick up a woman… are you fukin kidding me.
    while we are bringing back cliques why dont we say the best place is the grocery store too?
    besides…. most people who are in a masque or temple are already married at my age…> DUH!

  33. @Humble: I don't know if you have previously said this, so forgive me…have you ever dated women outside of Detroit area? Have you lived anyplace besides Detroit?

  34. @Nicki Sunshine – They talk to women like that because it works. I've seen it work. If it didn't work they wouldn't do it.

  35. I see that the more some women get a lot of attention from men, the less they are built for a functional relationship.

    I disagree. I can point to two women on this blog as prime examples. one obviously gets tons of attention from men and though has issues is still salvageable and actually is looking for a man.

    another has a body thats absolutely gross yet that hasnt stoped her from having a dismal disposition on dating and men.

    I myself am usually going to go for the woman with the great body and a small ass 😉

    a woman who is in shape I feel will be happier because of regulated estrogen levels and endorphins. besides.. lets be nigga for a sec… I cant stand miss alaska sometimes… but when I roll over and shes sleepiing next to me Im like GAWD DAMN BLESS YO PARENTS!!! and it makes how mad I am or issues she may cause subside a bit. Theres a reasons hot chicks get away with murder…. cuz they are hot.

  36. Hasani no one REALLY cares…lol…just pointing out how insecure you feel in the real world that you have to get your rocks off online by choosing a specific wording to incite conflict amongst your "blog family."

    I make no apologies, you still put us as the bottom of the totem pole, even below our African sisters…and I never demeaned her, it was you who received my disrespect.

    It's all just kind of lame…not to mention sad and pathetic.

    That is all. Carry on with your whining and complaining about how black women don't give a damn about you…as if that's going to change anything.

  37. Humble: brotha I think its primal. almost like a woman needs to be handeled and put in place. I feel a sista needs you to put her in her place on 3 occasions. in bed, upon initial meeting when she is out of balance/irate.
    If Im dating an alpha black woman… I usually let her dominate everything. But I usually landed them by the approach and usually make them enjoy themselves by keeping primal roles "natural" behind closed doors.

    I could be wrong…. but its just what I am observing. dont come at a sista disrespectful and come up and smack her ass and tell her to hollar your name… your a fukin moron if you do that. but Ive noticed being more stern and a mans man when you initially meet is the most effective way.

    Just think john wayne while talkin and you'll be fine!

  38. @HNIC. Email?

    @HNIC and Humble_One: wouldn't that attract the wrong women??? or maybe that's what they want for that minute. Big butt and a smile. LOL. Yelling at me is the fatest way to get me to run the other way. LOL.

  39. @Belle – I have dated 2 women from Toronto. Those 2 were 2 of the best experiences I've had with women. Most of the women I've dated have been from Detroit. It's funny you ask that because my mother suggested that I try black women from outside the U.S.

  40. @HNIC. We can't control what other people do. I don't hate black men… I always state that black men don't know how to love me. Now, how anyone interprets is their own fault… if they want to know why I use the statement, I'd be happy to share.

    Plus, like I reiterate over and over, I'm new here, so I don't really know what you mean by "this blog is full of lashes against black men". I haven't seen any yet and I've been here since last week. Could you taking our gripes about a particular man to be personal or a generalization of ALL men?

    To generalize any particular group is just ignorant.

  41. "one obviously gets tons of attention from men and though has issues is still salvageable…"

    …and who's the one who decided that this chic was broken, was it you…a man who doesn't even know how to hold a respectful conversation with a strong black woman w/o running back to mommie with his tail between his legs…yeah, discredits your entire statement doesn't it.

  42. Preach Nicki girl!!

    If I am dressed a certain way ie professional which usually I am because of my job, then common sense will tell you not to step to me any kinda way. I have had men NOT approach men due to this, and well they are the smart ones. Now if im dressed with pants with the "angel stamp" on my ass, with my baby phat t-shirt, and nikes I wouldnt get mad if u yelled at me something out landish.

    otherwise I don't know many men that actually do that unless they got mad balls and if they do bess believe they are getting rejected.

  43. @Humble: I agree with your mom or you can also go south of Detroit, ie. ga, carolinas, houston, florida! It just seems like your experiences in Detroit with women aren't that great. You may need a change of scenery. I had to do the same thing so I left DC and return only for visiting family.

  44. Teacia: if you didnt care baby… you wouldnt write about it… ad finitum ad nauseum ?
    I wouldnt expect you to appologize, its not in your character … but I tell ya what, Miss ER sure apologizes when she is wrong or acts out of balance. Its amazing how a woman with an MD and working on an MBA at Colombia, who earns 190k a year next year, and has a KILLER body…….. can be so humble while others who have obviously alot less…. cant?

  45. @Nicki Sunshine – Yes that would attract the wrong women. But they don't care. If they like what they see they will approach you that way. If you turn them down they will move on and move to the one that will accept them.

  46. Ahhh post #49 is the first overt and unsolicited salvo of mudslinging for this post. Unwarranted, not needed, but hey the damage is done right

    I would like to point out that I am not Norway, or Switzerland.

    poke me with a stick and im gonna beat you with a tire iron.

    and you can tell all those wanna be fake thugs in your pictures I said that… and give them a map to Princeton if they wanna talk ot me about it 😉

  47. @Belle – I am starting to believe that may be true. I still have a hard time accepting that Detroit is that bad. Then again I have had too many positive experiences meeting women when I was OT.

  48. @Humble_One: Totally understand.. not all men want a “relationship”.. sometimes just booty is good. LOL.

    I can flip that right around. ALL my male friends are looking for a good woman. NONE of the older corporate women in my social club are looking to have a formal relationship and date. could be age, or could be location. but my take on it is… men like us can get booty… so why the hell would we date to look for it?

  49. @HNIC: If that's all you want, cool… there's nothing wrong with that. Some women just want booty. I said it in a joking manner, not a political stance. I want more… all I can speak on is me. Tell your male friends that need a good woman to hit me up for some long distance love. LOL.

  50. LOL…did you just call me baby…let me find out you gotta a little pimp in ya Sani baby.

    and ummmm, #43(which was ur post) was the first account of mudslingling and it actually proceeded #49…cause I know that counting is so hard for Sani baby I figured I'd do the math for you…that's 6 slots above the aforementioned one…and although it clearly wasn't directed towards me, like the first part was i figured i'd outline just not nasty you got with your statement.

    "another has a body thats absolutely gross yet that hasnt stoped her from having a dismal disposition on dating and men."

  51. @Mikki – I have considered leaving but that is one of the problems here. Detroit needs people like me or us. If I have to I will leave. Its like the ass backwards people drive the people with sense out. Then they wonder why the city is in the condition it is in. If you want I can forward the last email I received from Detroit Young Professionals.

  52. @Nicki-Hide that tatoo girl! And yes the crazies from church can really get ridiculous.

    @Anti-Hmmm….I think you are absolutely correct. The ratio of crazies doesn't get smaller in the real world. It gets much much bigger. By the way-there was a proposal about the mixing of…things. LMAO

    @Mikki&Humble-Both of yous need to just move damned.

    As for me, I was never quite so much into anything I did Myspace for a minute and from that came my longest damned relationship, but he had too many issues for me. I always had a blackplanet account AND one day someone messaged to say I was beautiful. And I explained to Nicki yesterday he can still get whatever the hell he wants, cause he was just that good to me and not at all nuts. 😉

  53. @Jacylnn: Girl, I try to but since I told the tattoo artist who is a MAN to put it low enough where I could wear a shirt and it not be seen (he probably figured I meant T shirts and collar shirts!), it sometimes rears it's ugly head!!!! LOL. I try to keep it hidden at church and at work (I don't need them knowing my "outside business" HA!) but sometimes "BEAUTIFUL" wants to see it's way out. And then I just feel like the jig is up (so embarrassing!)

  54. oh and i'll let those "thugs" know that you only have the roadmap to becoming a scholar and not actually the experience. but then again that's what they have their big sister for right!?!?

    …and as soon as the Seargant comes home from serving his 4th VOLUNTARY tour to Iraq and the other finishes his 1st…i'll point them in your direction. after all it's your safety and security their risking their lives for while keeping my mother up at night…i'm sure they'd want to hear everything you have to say…or not.

  55. @Comeback – Feng Shui is the truth. I re-arranged the furniture in my living room and the mood has not been right since.

  56. "@Comeback – Feng Shui is the truth. I re-arranged the furniture in my living room and the mood has not been right since."

    sho nuff. I bought like 8 orchids from home depot. And Im looking to do some major painting and furniture changing.

  57. besides Detroit's core of men are based around blue collar, get cha hands dirty kinda workers which I happen to have a thing for, I'd hate to move to a different town/city/state and find myself mixed in with a bunch of metro sexual's

    that would drive me nuts

  58. @TheCombackGirl and Humble_One:

    I'm moving into a new place next Friday (bigger, thank SWEET BABY JESUS) and would love to Feng Shui it up to get all the right energies flowing. Is there a book you all recommend? Or what? How do I start?

  59. @mikki and humble

    yo, the thing wrong with the detroit dating scene is that everybody comes into it super-negative. Instead of enjoying people's company, everything is a complaint. Everyone ends up jaded at the end.

    But that comes with the territory of this city. As a whole, we are a town with a very negative mindset.

    I've dedicated my (limited) time here to be the complete opposite of the typical jaded Detroiter. To be a happy-go-lucky, abundance-mindset, family/community/world improving person. I've been blessed infinity-million times…and wait…im ranting

    why so serious!?!?!

  60. I have this book I bought in philly called "feng shui your life" jayme Barrett. I bought it for my move back to DC. Some of it is kind of complicated like baguas. But most is rather straight forward (space and clutter clearing), natural light, infusing certain colors in certain parts of the home. Furniture placement, ie mirrors etc.

    There is also a lady who comes on hayhouse radio (www.hayhouseradio.com) Terah Kathryn Collins who is really really good.

    I'll also look for a book that I have on space clearing..its always good if you move into a place that someone else live in…to clear it of their energy (which could be negative and potentially harmful).

  61. @TheComebackGirl: Yes, ma'am. If you can get that one to me, I'd appreciate ya for life. *smile* Thanks for telling me about the other ones too. I'll see if I can find them on the 'net. I'll have to check out that radio station… I"m forever listening to radio online (including Wendy Williams) because ours is so WACK!!!

  62. "alright why so lets go out together, maybe u can get some of that “happy go lucky” to rub off on me…."

    I'm sorry I don't mean to be the Christian den mother…but why not invite Humble too…make it a FELLOWSHIP saints.

  63. comeback I invited Humble a couple lines ago, he keeps rejecting my subtle advances and there is only so much a sista will do dang lol.

    what more can i say so he will stop igging me

    "HUMBLE I SOOO WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU!!!!!!"

    is that big a freaking nuff??

  64. @Mikki – I love Detroit too. I have been to quite a few cities in the U.S. and Detroit is nowhere as bad as a lot of places. It is one of the top 10 major markets in the U.S. so we see and get a lot of things a lot places dont. Its funny you mentioned the blue-collar thing. My background is skilled-trades. I love the technical work but I like the office too. I want to do more technical work but I am tired of being dirty. I havent had to get dirty constantly in 4 yrs and I dont miss it. I sent you that email also.

    @why so serious – I dont have a totally negative view of women or dating in Detroit. I am exhausted from the BS I encounter and observe. I feel there are a lot of good women in Detroit. I am freinds with some of them. I have a soft spot for OT women because so far the majority of my experiences have been good. Not to say there aren't bad ones outside Detroit because I have seen those too.

  65. I have a question for those of you that do online dating. Do you only reply or contact accounts that are local and with pics? Or do you reply or contact just off of the profile.

  66. Humble with the "technology" we have today there is no reason you should not have a picture already on your profile. Now some people don't have pictures "claiming" to protect there jobs and such but thats not majority. If you dont have a picture I am going to say its safe to say you look like magilla gorilla. People without profile pictures *atleast 2* don't get looked at.

  67. I"m not opposed to online dating but i love when im randomly approached by guys. It always happens when i'm not looking for it like sitting on the train ranting to my bestfriend about God knows what. Like when i'm approached the proper way it makes me feel good(not good enough to drop draws but good enough to CONSIDER giving this person my number) And i get vibes from people you cant get vibes from the computer so if crazy approaches me in public and he's go that: i-will-probably-stalk-you look i can turn the other way but online people put the best representations of themselves so you only can go off that and not your gut.

  68. @CombackGirl: "I always thought that Biggie was kind of cute."

    Aw Lawd girl. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

  69. Does anyone know of older people (around the age of 50) finding love on these online dating sites? I'm tryna find my mom a man. Only problem is that she is older, and thus stuck in her ways, and not privy to alot BS from a man. So, if any of you know about which site to check out for her, holla at me

    P.S. She likes them a little younger than her (like 45 or so). Cougar . . . Lol!!!

  70. @Comeback-I'm with Nicki on this one. My fried corn just turned over. How could you????

    @Renegade-Craigslist seems the thing for old folks…Honestly did anyone ever think the ol' folks were gonna be techies?

  71. Craigslist?? I know its supposed to be a a place to find whatever you need, but the fact that it's not set up as a dating site, seems like it may be a bit sketchy. I think I need some of those intensely "researched algorithms" SBM spoke of. Thanks though.

    Anyone else have suggestions??

  72. @Renegade-LOL. That's how I get my "knowledge" of how people work in each city lol…But, seriously, there has got to be a site for the mature crowd. A quick google search and I found maturesinglesonly.com and blackpeoplemeet.com-maybe one of those. Although I think there are people of all ages on all of the sights.

  73. Humble I looked at your email, it doesn't say BLACK professionals so I would assume this may be geared towards the Caucasian community but i COULD BE WRONG. Have you been to any of there events yourself?

  74. That is the biggest crock of sh*t ive ever heard. Net profiles are the fakest representation of a person that Ive ever seen. Its easier to fantasize off of words and a fake pic then the real thing with voice tone and facial expressions!

  75. @Mikki-A drink or two is harmless.

    @Comeback-You can always hook me up. No specifications needed.

    @SBM-You can have all our stories as long as we get invites to your wedding and there's an open bar. Thank you. That is all.

  76. @Jaclynn: What wedding!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    @RJ: Thanks for the correction.

    @Teacia: Am I getting an email for this lest of places you want?

    @HNIC: For a second I was wondering what Teacia was talking about with the "Ms. ER is black thing" … but then put it together since u met her on blacksinglesmeet.com.

    @Mikki: I want to do a 2 part series detailing the "connection". And what did I tell you about all this stuff that should take place over email?

    @Comeback: I can do one on you and Hasani.

  77. @SBM-I have no idea what you're talking about. Comeback and Hasani's will be great. Yep Miss ER is indeed one of us. Why he gotta make us hate the woman for no reason? WTF?

    Furthermore, you should schedule a weekend for us all to hang out…near some pretty waters in the spring or summer because everyone seems to be in school.

    How's the GMAT studying coming?

  78. SBM: she didnt deduce a damn thing. theres pleanty of white and spanish women on bpm. an associate of mine who i speak to behind the scenes prob mentioned it to her.

    I know Im not overly educated and a big dumb lummox… but she sure is not known for her brainpower either. Shes not exactly themla from scooby doo if ya know what im sayin.

    but she seems to be pretty salty that she went on rants about silly shit and was dead wrong with her prejudice ass. a whole damn blog post and day she wasted mud slinging with me because she thought the wrong god damn thing and offered the most ignorant opinion I ever seen.

    sigh………if only boobs were brains

  79. @Hasani-You know I love you. I do really and I respect your opinions all day everyday, but that is a little much. SHE happens to be one of the smartest and most educated people around. I am pretty certain that I'm not stupid and I would have deduced the same thing. Furthermore, I do not think it is the right thing for you to all but call someone stupid and then call them prejudice. You put up incendiary things on purpose and sit back and watch the flames. I think you need to think a little more before you write because you are truly like the disruptive, ADD brother who does nothing but screw stuff up for everyone.

  80. Jaclynn save your breath, I got this… and we've deduced previously that Hasani has the mental capacity of a 4yr old(i.e. Hasani's transitive axiom). So let me spell it out for him, I don't need to be told anything. I don't go on blackpeoplemeet.com but even an idiot would believe that it's where you meet black people. But of course I should have known that there are white and hispanic women actively seeking out black men on there as well.

    So whatever, Hasani you can call me a lot of things and you have on plenty of occasions…but dumb definitely can not be one of them. Hell, I can't even take offense to the comment seeing as how far off it actually is…especially since last I checked 141 was not my bra size.

    SBM I'm good on the list…seems like I'm going to do a lot of touristy stuff anyways.

  81. I can call stupid people stupid and I can call anyone who is prejudiced…… prejudice.

    oh my… scroll back at how many post you look absolutly FOOL-ish ranting on about how I am with a white woman and white women are stealing your men… but Im not with a white woman. Not my fault your ignorant nearsighted and hostile.

  82. this goes to show…. the WHITE WOMAN is not your enemy my sistas. your enemy is within what you see in the mirror and how the world appears from those very eyes.

  83. @renegade: for the 50 and over she should try eharmony or go through the singles minstry at church

    Did I read that SBM is getting married?? what has gone on here today? I am too tired to read above.

  84. Hasani why don't your dumb ass re-read the post…because I didn't say that shit…you just love to group me in your feeble attacks but no surprise there.

    Hasani you're dating a black chic…cause the government sees her ass as black…what's so wrong with that that you need to get on here and cause a fucking ruckus…are you that fucking bored…is your life that damn lonely and pathetic…is it your only means of a sad and pathetic "revenge" on the very women who would normally give two fucks about your ass.

    Enough already…grow a dick.

  85. @Teacia-Just til you got here. Couldn't let him insult you like that.

    @Jolie-He's not in the immediate future but you know when he does I wanna get my drank on 😉

    @Hasani-My personal enemy is a disrespectful black man.

    Does anyone watch this Baldwin Hills show?

  86. And another thing…I am so tired of this dumb ass "Secret Lives of the Blogsite Chronicles"…the reality is that we ALL know one another offline in some form. I know that I personally have been hit up offline by just about every commentor on this blog for advice or to just shoot the shit. I know of at least 6 others who have developed friendships off of this bitch as well…some even contemplating dating…but who gives a damn. We are all fucking adults…or so I thought.

    Yall are getting on my damn nerves with all this secret lives bullshit…I mean really. If you weren't so busy perpetrating a life that was in fact not your own you wouldn't take offense when someone calls you out on your bullshit. And THIS my friends is why I can't really throw myself into this whole blogging phenomenon…because it's not just a blog…it's a group of motherfuckers who have nothing really going on so they have to all get together and make their shit smell like roses while disrespecting each other for personal enjoyment…and if you tell it like it is you're labeled all kinds of ungodly shit.

    Someone asked me why I link my personal myspace page to the site, well the answer is simple…cause bitch I'm me. What I say I mean, my life experiences are real, my struggles are real, my inconsistencies are indeed my own. I don't have to get on here and pretend to be someone I'm not…because at the end of the day bitch I'm me, my shit WILL NOT change…no matter how peachy keen I come off on this bitch.

    Ooooooh yall whining ass are getting on my fucking nerves with this dumb shit…man the fuck up already or shut it up!

  87. Well..on that note…I would like to be the first to say…I'm so imperfect it's nuts. I got flaws just like everyone else…I'm a bitch, I can be spoiled and selfish and I ain't nobody's angel or saint but my momma.

    My prayer for everyone here is perfect peace within yourselves and your respective worlds. I wish we could all co-exist without bitchiness or saying things to hurt other people, because we are empty (not everyone just a few).

  88. Woooosaaaah….Jaclynn it's cool sweetie. I'm gonna relax at home since work and school was cancelled and buckle down and wait this damn tropical storm out for the next day or two and hope this sumnabitch passes before my flight leaves on Friday morning.

  89. @Teacia-Girl, I'm cooler than the underside of the pillow…sitting on the bed…watching Baldwin Hills, I have no clue what's really going on….I hope so too! I want you to have a nice vacation. 🙂

  90. …dammitt…is it Tuesday night already!?! i can't believe i just missed baldwin hills…oh well i can catch it on demand…or when it replays every night this week and on Saturday…lol.

  91. So let me get this straight. Tecia.

    you boast a 160 IQ…. higher than bill gates…. yet you have a problem deciphering my statistics?

    hey Im just the big dumb nigga like you have suggested I am…. and I dont have a college batchlors so obviously your smarter than me…. im fukin dumb as nails.

    But all your IQ and you couldnt keep yourself from becoming a statistic?

    Id rather be ditsy and do dumb things, than claim to be a meta genius and not even know how to not get knocked up.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/contracept

    man if boobs were brains and if you had as much morality as you do FUPA…. you'd be a dime 🙂

  92. run girls…. theres white women in America… oh … wait… how ignorant does that sound?

    Trust me the white woman is hardly thinking about you all unless you are threatening them in the work place.

    Concentrate on the actual enemy.

    70% of black children are born today to single mothers (dramatic pause to let it sink in) thats not the white womans doing to you.

    50% of black students nationwide will drop out of school… Im sure you can find a reason to blame the white woman on that…. and not the fact that your ass is sippin on Hennessey trying to pose for pictures in the club insted of being home wit yo child.

    70% single rate… ya lets blame the white women! they are OBVIOUSLY the ones forcing you to demand we buy you a $200 pocketbook just for sex, and they force you to fucking argue with us and anyone else around you constantly.

    12% divorce rate for blacks, but only 7% for our hispanic brothers and sisters…. yes clearly the white woman is making this happen. it has nothing to do with you not wanting to suck a dick or wash a dish for fear of chipping a nail.

    nearly 80% of black women are overweight, obease … FAT whatever nice word you need to hear.

    The white woman is clearly forcing you to spend more time "self loving" sipping alcoholic poison in the club insted of self love by treating your body better. She has her claws into you and is manipulating you to eat mcdonalds because you think your too good to stand next to a stove and make food. Oh by the way, the white woman must be working hard at keeping you down because she is only fat at a 57% rate… burnin those calories oppressing you! 😉

    Wait… lets blame it on your "african genes" again? Why are they only 20.3% overweight and 16% obese?? why are we 30% fatter NOW than in 1960??

    Only race in the world that outearns their male counterpart. You run this society yet still look over your shoulder for the white woman insted of lookin in the mirror at what YOUR doing wrong with OUR culture.

    be better

  93. First of all, I can do my own gosh darn write up, I am not yall damn experiment Imma grown ass woman so cut this ish out right this instant!

    *calm again*

    Secondly I am not hooking up with biggie jr, josh, jordan, jessie, or any body yall trying to set me up with.

    I just signed up for eharmony for 3 months, I will report back to yall jokers later ok!

  94. What the he#ll happened here!!!

    First of all Mik calm down. I have no agenda but to make love happen. And I think I could make some magic for you in the D. He#L Dewele might even be a connect…you never know.

    SBM back off. This is my inspiration.

    re: Hasimeister, I am much to angry, broke and fat for him. Please let me be for my enchanted capricorn.

  95. Hey ya…….

    I once met a girl online.. she invited me to poetry. We had similar interest and so forth.

    Even the same birth date.

    We got together and for some reason i felt her more mentally and not sexually.

    We would lay together ….bout 3 occassions………didnt do it.

    We dated 6months and the relationship was over………

    But,….. we were too much alike.

    I don't like internet dating period.

    But ……It's cool! DoYa!

    @HNIC……Yo men…….women as usual……..up.in heir!

    Who ever you date don't matter brother………Teacia trippin.

    I always disliked black men dating white girls ……..till my brother married one……….really…

    @SBM…….being reading the blog men…….

    just lazy to comment sometimes………keep it up……shortie.

  96. Damn……

    women run thru this site like, what……..

    I'm thinking……….. SINGLE BLACK MALE……….

    Where dem niggas at………..LOL

    Do women rule?……..*URGH*

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