Beautiful Black Hair


**Site Note** New Poll … Whats more important to you?  Sex or Conversation **End Note**

I responded to an reader submission before where a young lady was upset at the person she was dating, who didn’t approve of her change in hairstyle.  Initially it was long and straight, and she decided to keep it natural and curly.  The ensuing problems were interesting, but we already talked about that.  The thing that really stood out to me about the email was the last sentence …

I didn’t think hair was that serious for men


Now … those of you who really know me know that I am not a very shallow person.  But … holds major weight when judging woman.  Bad hair can knock a dime to a nickel or take a possible butta-face and turn her into something you might actually want to take out in public.  Hair can work miracles.

Have you ever seen those movies or sitcoms where they take a nerdy girl and turn her into a stunner.  They only do three things to bring about this complete transformation …

1. Take off glasses.
2. Let hair fall to shoulders (they always have silky straight hair … but its always in a ponytail).

Thats it!  Hairstyle instantly turns the boring girl who you might cheat off of into the girl your passing notes to trying to cheat on your girlfriend with.

See Also:  Watch your girl homie

Lets illustrate this with a personal story.

I went to a friend’s cookout a long time ago.  There was a girl there who seemed cute, but I didn’t think much off.  As the night progressed we found ourselves arguing opposite ends of the same argument (oddly enough the topic was men and chivalry).  While I didn’t agree with her on anything, and her chill clothes and ponytail didn’t impress me … the ferocity with which she argued and the logic in her arguments activated my intelligence fetish and I found myself exchanging information with her later that night.

We chatted and texted, but I nothing seriously happened.  She was that intelligent and cool girl who was … alright.  Then one day she proposed we do sushi and since I was free … I obliged.

I came to pick her up … and she came out with what looked like hair straight out the salon.  It was short, straight, and shoulder length, but kind of fell into her eye the whole night as we talked.  Nothing special … but was doing wonders for her.  She instantly jumped 5 points in my book and soon succumbed to the full force of the Billy Dee like game (which got activated) … very much because of the way those 8 hairs fell across her face when she got into my car.

See Also:  Cuffing Season: from Marvin's Room to Honeymoon in 7 easy steps!

I love an extreme assortment of hair styles, but I think short and naturals are starting to win me over … and I still detest weaves.  Don’t let a girl with short hair looking good come around me … I would do some of the nastiest things to her body treat her like the queen she is.

I know I’m not the only guy who feels this way!


  1. WOW! I am actually able to post today!

    Well I am not a guy, but I am will say hair makes a major difference. We as women know this that is why we must get our hair done before doing something important. If we can't get it done we might not go. Hair is just that serious.

    Men are the same way,when they get a hair cut, it can change their look for the better and up their points also.

    Ok be back later I have to go to sleep now, I have been up way to long…

  2. Yeah hair is a big deal, it effects how you feel about yourself as well. I've been a little self conscious about my hair lately and I think it has definitely affected my attitude and confidence level.

    I'm in a hair rut and the timining couldn't be worse…almost makes me want to throw a weave in it, but I'm fighting the urge…keeping it short and well kind of looking like the above pic. *sighing*…maybe i'll feel better after getting it done today.

  3. I feel like this is one of those trap blog post.

    is the next one going to be skinny vs thick?

    but for the sake of comedy ill bite. yeah hair is a huge deal, I love long silky well kept hair. I hate short hair and nappy hair on chicks and dudes alike. Damaged hair and hair thats been bleached too much on blonds…. for heavens sakes your 30 tone down the platinum blond to a golden blond for christs sakes!!

    But as much as much as I love a woman with great hair, as I am writing this the men behind me are saying I should put this out there. Men dont care if the "side join" and how her hair is… we care about her weight, but hair seems like only an issue you care about with your actual woman. side piece dont really cut her hair for attention or to.. ahem… liberate…herself. side chick has to keep her hair the way it is or grow it longer.

  4. dang! it's like you & champ know each other!

    Yes, I think hair is serious for men and women. Having a fresh "do" can certainly serve as a boost of confidence…makes guys look cleaner and women more polished (along with shaped brows).

    I don't like cornrows on men but I think that maintained locs are sexy.

  5. SBM is hilarious. I agree with all of these women. Hair is a serrr-ous situation.

    Hair length and style really all depends on your shaped face. Whatever you do, please make sure it is ON POINT. A woman can walk outta the house with sweats on, but if her hair is done, you'd swear she had on an evening gown!!!!!

    I've had everything…. I'll let my hair grow really long and then I'll get tired of looking like every body else and chop it all off. Currently, I'm rocking the short rock star style, inspired by Ms. Rihanna…. Once I get sick of this, I want to go natural, see how that turns out. I love that little girl, Teyanna Taylor…. I don't know if that's weave or what but it's defnitely inspiring.

    Please let's not get on the men. Something about a man with a FRESH shape up does something to me!!!!! And when his facial hair is all lined up….. Ummmm. And his neck smells like cologne (please tell me yaw have smelled that new 9 IX Cologne—- OHMYGOODNESS)…. excuse me while escape to my fantasy at work. 🙂

  6. HAIR makes a BIG GD difference!!!!!

    If you have a style that fits your face, you're right on point. Even a woman's confidence level is boosted when her hair is done. i know at the end of two and half weeks I'm feeling LOW…I go in the salon and come bouncing out..feeling sexy and confident and other people see that in you too, you know?

    i just feel like if my man will keep up his appearance (nice shapey, facial hair in order (and I LOOOOVE a shaped up 5 o'clock shadow!!!!) then I can do the same.

  7. Hair makes a difference! I know this is for sure because I've gone to the club with a ponytail and showed my DL to the bouncer which shows my hair straight and styled right below my shoulder. They have looked down at the DL and back at me down at the DL back at me. Eventually I say "yeah thats ME!" So sad. So I try to never ever rock the pony. Men care about hair. ITs a reflection of you and how you care and treat yourself.

    Happy HUMP DAY SBM.NET!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Hair does matter–not sure if it matters to us more than men or not. It all depends on what the woman feels looks best on her whether she rocks it short or long. Some of us switch it up and do all hair lengths. I know you mentioned you don't like weave but if a woman wants to go from short to long wearing weave or a wig can change her look. Not talking about the sloppy but the right yaki…there's nothing worse than a bad weave.

  9. – as long as it's neat, and doesn't smell gross.

    – hair that smells good is a plus

    – i don't like weave. If i go to pull your hair while [deleted in accordance to board rules] I don't want you tripping. Plus I can feel fake hair, and it freaks me out.

    – running fingers through a woman's hair = ftw

    – Warn us before making drastic changes to hair. Say "i'm going to cut all my hair off" or something, so we won't spazz when we see you.

  10. Grow an afro comeback, if your too lazy to be nice to people, id say a hippie look would fit you better.

    FTW means = "for the win"

    it is internet lingo meaning its good. kinda like the last shot in a basketball game is for the win.

    Why am I starting to have a serious thing for dark skinned sistas with great bodies and cornrows?


  11. LOL TheComeback Girl

    WhySoSerious – yeah you know we'll trip if you pull on it…some of us will trip if we just walked out the beauty shop regardless if it's weave or real…lol

  12. I have never been a dude that was a fanatic about women's hair. As long as its is neat and clean I could care less. Now I don't like all the crazy colors like yellow, maroon, and all that, or the christmas tree hairstyles. I also don't like long thin straight hair. I actually prefer natural hair. So if your hair is "short and nappy " I am cool with it. If you rock a big afro I am happy with that. If your hair is naturally curly I like that too. But the burgandy christmas tree or giant Beyonce weave I can do without.

  13. Speaking of hair – let me get out of here before I'm late for my hair appointment. No drastic haircuts here. I actually got it cut like Rihanna's the last time I went in the cute bob (the style she had last year…not the short one she's rocking now, although that's a cute do too).

  14. @Nicki&Humble-Come on now leave her alone. She gotta wear it like Jigga say.

    @Belle-Co-sign on the brows.

    I personally have been raised to keep mine long. I mean I couldn't even cut bangs. However, now that I pay for it's upkeep I keep it right around shoulder length instead of half way down to my butt. This is the south, I don't really want the ish on my neck.

    As for a man, I just dated someone with girls and omg, it's fabulous. If not, just keep it cut and keep yourself shaved. Furthermore, I would greatly appreciate a man who works hard to avoid those damned bumps.

  15. @Nicki Sunshine – Yes it does. I really don't like it when a woman has that much hair on her head. I dont care if it is your hair or not it does not look good to me.

  16. I'll have to cosign that one Nicki about Bey. "Mufasa….oooh…say it again" She has a serious lion's mane thing going on sometimes.

    But oh my goodness SBM…this topic is so relevant. I went from straight long hair to shorter curly (natural) hair. And it seems like the guy that would have approached of given a secon look to me with straight hair wisps by…but I've also noticed that a more diverse array of men notice me with my curly hair than b4. When I see interacial couples (w/ a black woman)…she usually has natural hair…or at least her own hair and not a weave.

    I think natural hair speaks volumes about a person – man or woman.

  17. Question: How do you tell a friend that she has facial hair? A five o'clock shadow? Or little hair on her chest that you can see when she wears a halter? Do men notice womens facial hair? Cause I see women with men who have facial hair? This convo about hair had me thinking. Sorry SBM for all the questions in your HOUSE but I honestly wanna know..

  18. @Jaclyn: That's just a lot of hair for every day wear. LOL.

    @Humble_One: I agree

    @Jolie Fatale: TRUST girl. they know… they probably don't care or somebody told em it was hot… one of my old co workers had the hairiest chest I've ever seen on a girl… do you think that stopped her from wearing her crossover dresses???? Notsomuch.

  19. jolie – FTW means "for the win". It means general greatness, or enthusiasm for said subject.

    One of the greatest things on earth is a woman with nice boobs rocking an afro. For some strange reason, it makes me want to produce children.

    and no matter what, if a woman is rocking a short short haircut, chances are her line up and waves are crisper than a guy's

  20. @Nicki-It truly is too much damn hair. As for the facial hair some women here in the South are like yes, I have this moustache (groomed and all) and it's what's hot…I personally believe there's a wax and a strip that can work for this.

    @Belle-I know I do. And please be very clean and soap it well.

  21. @Jacylnn: LOL, hair does seam to be a southern thing… along with other country styles including shoestring ponytails, curls, short in the front long in the back….. I love my country cousins, but when I went to Mississippi, it was a SHOCK!

  22. Why – you can't really run your fingers through an afro though.

    (forgot to say Good Morning SBM and etc. – where are my manners)

  23. @ SBM so you detest weaves??? have you ever dated a woman with one ?? or do you just play dumb? I find it rather humorous all this talk about men hating them…but the hottest chicks EVER in the game all rock them from one time to another including B, Stacey Dash, Kenya Moore, Halle Berry, Sallie Richardson..ill continue to think of more

  24. So I'll continue with my dark skinned sistahs (some of the hottest black women EVER who also have worn weaves) Sheryl Lee Ralph, Kenya Moore, Kelly Rolland, Tasha Smith, Jill Marie Jones, Iman, Naomi Campbell, Vanessa A. Williams…there are more…

    but the point is, when you happen upon these women are their weave detectors, does she have to take it out?? just curious.

  25. @why so serious

    "One of the greatest things on earth is a woman with nice boobs rocking an afro"

    You just described my ex. And I liked her afro way better than the weave.

    "and no matter what, if a woman is rocking a short short haircut, chances are her line up and waves are crisper than a guy’s"

    I have noticed this too. I have also notice a lot of women with these type of hairstyles have bodies.

  26. @Comeback – About half of the women you listed are my type and I could care less about them having weaves. Would I prefer natural? Yes. A weave would never be a deal breaker unless it is one of those simba or mufasa weaves.

  27. So I rocked the weaves like no other for a major part of my adult life…rocked them so much in fact that I learned how to do them myself and started charging others to do theirs. Man I haven't paid to have a weave done since like 1999…and I even purchased a full lace weave earlier this year…set me back $400 and I only wore it for 2 weeks, it sits on a mannequin head in my closet.

    That having been said I do notice that when I wear my weaves and layer them accordingly I attract athletes and other really superficial ass men…sexy yes, but superficial nonetheless.

    Now that I'm rocking my Malinda Williams cut and have been on and off for the past year I attract the more professional and intellectual men. In all honesty I am more attractive with the short hair…it allows you to see the beauty that is my face…lol. Going natural has saved me a lot of damn money also since I do it as well, and don't have to pay $100 for a pack of hair.

    Although it has also forced me to work out more, can't have the chubby cheeks and still feel like a dime…but that's just me. Still 10 pounds and hella toning away from being completely satisfied with my overall look and feel…but I'm well on my way(shout out to Jason).

  28. I think it is all in your confidence. I went natural in May of this year and I am glad I did. I keep my hair up but I have gotten more attention now then I would have thought. I love my natural hair and if any man has a problem with it then too bad.

  29. Am I the only one who enjoys going to get her hair done? It's just so relaxing.

    Beyond that, I love, love, LOVE when a man does it for me. Hmmm

  30. @Humble_One: Love that you like a little variance. I can't stand a man who will knock out a whole gang of women because of ANYTHING…. I dated a guy who only like light skin with long hair. What kinda crap is that? HE was missing out on so many beautiful women. (we were in high school, hopefully he's still not that ignorant)!!!!

    @Teacia: I cut my hair for kinda the same reason….. well one of the reasons…. I got sick of being a superficial sex kitten for these losers that didn't appreciate it. (Oh, sorry I sound bitter! :))

    @kriscole: Did you find it hard transitioning to natural? I want to do it… BUT what's stopping me is FIVE weddings I'm in next year…. I CANNOT be looking a hot mess while it's going through that.

    @Jaclynn: HATE getting my hair done. Luckily I have a Chi and the skills to do it myself (except the cuts and shapeups)…. Beauticians always have me in there half the day. My beautician is also my friend, so I try to get her to give me at home visits whenever I can. LOL.

  31. @ Niki Sunshine:Transitioning is fustrating but I found out how to do sew in weaves so that was like my best friend and I did braids. But you will get to a point where you get fustrated and will just cut it all off lol. Depending upon when the weddings are and how far your hair has grown you can press it with a flat iron (usually last longer). But I would only suggest straightening it when all the relaxer is out of your hair. But I agree with you about being superficial. I went through the same thing. Oh and lastly, if you do it then will realize that transistioning doesn't just involve your hair but your mindset also. It is amazing what you will learn about yourself.

    BTW, ladies do what makes you comfortable and happy with your hair. Don't go natural just cause people think you should. Nothing wrong with weave and relaxers if that works for you.

  32. @kriscole25: It's short now (cut like Rihanna)… but the good thing is it grows pretty fast. Did you cut yours completely off before doing it? And thanks for the info!

    I've read some things about the experience… there's a blog that is directed towards that and I can't think of what it is now (saved on my home computer!)

  33. I let it grow enough so that if I hated it that I could put braids in or weave in. I started off with a small fro (TWA). Try and (has pictures). Your welcome! anytime

  34. @Nicki Sunshine – I know and have had friends that are like that. Especially when I was younger. I've seen guys say a woman was attractive because she is lightskin with long hair. I can recall one girl that was terrible. She always had a look on her face like she smelled a baby's diaper.

    @Nicki Sunshine & Teacia – from my experience most men that are only attracted to the long flowing hair, light eyes, etc. usually are the silliest or the ones that women are not attracted too.

  35. @Humble_One: Not a baby's diaper. HA! I'm cracking up. You are right though…those men could really care less what is inside our brains…

  36. @Nicki-A CHI is the truth. I just love them…I had two. See for me I am in there and out of there AND I can get some of the best sleep ever under their dryer, especially in the winter. I might go on and go in today.

    @kriscole-I think you're right it is about confidence. I get lazy and pull mine back into a bun…and I always get attention, but the bun only happens with perfect brows and great skin.

  37. @Nikki: kriscole is giving you some great tips. I transitioned for 2 years and what helped me was weaves (gasp!) and braids. The Dominicans were also of great help too, but I found that extreme heat was damaging to my curls. In the early stages I did braid/bantu/twistouts. Since you are starting with a short cut I think it would be easy for you! I know of a number of albums on fotki to help you and check out & militant); both sites have loads of info.

    eta: I love going to a salon and getting pampered. My stylist has a staff of very handsome men who give foot massages while services like drying or washing are being done. It's great!

  38. @Jacylnn: I have to go Saturday morning, (MORNING??? Messing with my sleep patters! *smile*)

    @Belle: Dangit girl. I heard about those Dominicans, but in Kentucky, yep…. not any. *smile* thanks chick. I can't wait to see how my hair is gonna look. I want it to be big like Teyana Taylor's!!!!!

  39. @ Humble

    See the thing is I think hair matters and then it doesn't. I love my natural hair and I love weaves. I love versatility and I view it as most women would, as an accessory. Melinda also is a very beautiful black woman with short hair (who also rocked a cute bob back in the day too). Its all personal choice and as along as your taking care of your REAL hair what is the problem. It doesnt mean that I hate myself nor I hate others who rock the opposite.

    As for the attraction thing. Ballers dont phase me. Some people go ga ga over them and I roll right past. One dude asked "don't you know who I am"…"hel#l naw I'm sure you're a child of God but whats your name?"

    I think it attracts men who you want it too attract just like anything else including your clothes, your intellect, your outlook and your vision. My weaves and real hair has pulled quite a few lawyers, doctors, writers, teachers, starbuck baristas…it really is ALSO about who you are.

  40. @Jaclynn- I agree, other elements of you have to be together. Skin and eyebrows matter lol.

    @Belle -Thanks!

    @Comeback Girl- You are so on point!

  41. @Comeback – I agree. Just because you have a weave does not mean you have self hate or whatever. If you wear your hair natural, afro, etc does not mean your are the 2008 Angela Davis.

  42. My hair grew out super fast when I began going natural. I gradually cut out the perm and was flat ironing my hair. I would two-strand twist my own hair then take it out for a coiled/curled look. Now I can just wash and go. Like all black hair, natural hair especially needs a lot of moisture. So, you will need to condition all the time.

  43. @Cuzzo: I read that too (about the conditioners)… love the two strand twist thing. I think I'll be rocking that most of the time as it grows out… also a rod set….

  44. Humble, handle my light work brotha.

    I dun have much to input on this post. I love black hair.

    If only we could mix and match women… a Brazilian body with a black womans skin and hair and an asian womans moral set with a puerto rican womans sex drive… DIZZAMN!!!!

    I think I want to try and date a white chick and sew a black womans weave in her head and see how that works out.

  45. my comments on hair:

    i dont like bald men AT ALL! in fact i ask the men i date if their dad is bald and at what age he went so. my dad has hair at 55 y/o so i hope that whoever i pro-create with will have good genes. (yes i know this is a female gene)

    i also worry about having a daughter who is not able to grow hair. hopefully she will get mine.

    good hair/bad hair doesnt really matter to me as long as it can grow. i like long hair. my hair grows fast and i want to pass that on to my kids.

    i dont like men with long hair either. there is no need to be in the shop longer that i am to get your hair done.

    i have a phobia of the stylist chopping off my hair. i think i was traumatized by this as a child.

    i like to keep my hair long, but trendy. my china bangs were a hit way before others jumped on the bandwagon.

    i like men to run their fingers thru my hair. (the scalp is very stimulating for the rest of the body)

    natural hair is not for me- i dont have the patience and had another traumatizing hair cutting experience in trying to go natural.

    my hair is black and my skin light and i like the contrast. no colorstruckness about it… i just like it

    i like my hair to smell good and be bouncy and light and free. i buy bougie ass aveda expensive ass shampoo, but its worth it for the affect.

  46. back to the matter at hand…well-groomed/healthy hair get a thumbs up across the board – short, long, natural, weaved, braided, etc. and if you are just a beautiflu/good looking person, it will shine through no matter how u wear ure well-groomed/healthy hair. hence SBM exchanging info with the "girl there who seemed cute, but I didn’t think much of". If she had an ug mugg from the door, it wouldn't matter how intellectually stimulating her convo was.

  47. @jolie: as for chest hair, if its one of my close friends, I just ask her straight up, "do you plan on handling that right there??" I'm brutally honest at all times especially with people I care about. Because I'm sure if I noticed that hairy patch on her chin or chest, chances are the man she is smashing AND everyone else did as well!!! And if they choose to not attend to it, then I'm done. I like to be hairless, and I'm sure my boo likes that too! But to each his own, right?

    As for my persoanl style, I probably will never cut my hair into a style that doesn't allow for me to wear a ponytail. I work out pretty much everyday, and the ponytail is a lifesaver for me! My hair is natural, so a fresh out the shower curly ponytail looks amazing on me.(Plus it seems to pretty seductive to my man.) Everybody can't rock the pony, just like everyone can't do the melinda williams joint. When I wanna jazz up my pony, I'll accent with a scarf or put it in a banana clip for the faux mohawk look.

    At the end of the day, healthy hair that smells good is the best. I'll prob rock this pony into my 50's . . . My mom does, especially on those hot Houston summer day.

  48. @Jolie & Renegade – I had no idea women could grow chest hair. I've seen facial hair on women and it is not cool. I don't even like the little chin hairs some y'all get. I've known guys that like hairy women. Not the kid. That is a man trait to me. I did not know women grew chest hair. Thank God I have never ran into any of these women.

  49. Ok so I am very late in finding out some women have chest hair. I have never seen a woman with it. yuck. So I have another question. Do women grow hair on their back too?

  50. @Humble-Women grow hair everywhere men do. I saw a woman in Wal-Mart that had more hair on her legs than my dad and she had a kid I just wanna know why?

  51. My freshman year .. a girl asked me for i gave it to her to my HORROR she put it on her chest! I immediately called my mom and was like 'is this normal?" kinda like when I saw my first uncircumed member.. it was SCARY! Anyway..I've only seen the hairy women since i've been up NORTH.. no offense..

  52. FeFe Fatale I have the same phobia about getting my hair cut. It only takes one beautician to do a bad cut to mess it up for everyone. I got my hair done this morning and my beautician wanted to cut a little and I'm like you just cut my hair last relaxer time–no go. She's the only one though I do trust at this point to cut my hair.

  53. @jolie…. ive actually seen wayyyy more hairy women in the south. WAYYYYY more. I have friends that i grew up with in NC and SC is Mississippi who dont shave their legs cuz thats not how they do it back home.

  54. @fefe: Look Biggie Smalls just cause your from up NORTH doesnt mean what I said isnt true!



    FYI: There are a lot of girl from the SOUTH on this here I would uh … be careful and uh tread lightly.. but i know THATS NOT YOUR STYLE

  55. I have a friend from the mid-atlantic right before DE. big city of the miss tony said "how you wanna carry it" and she is HAIRY. But her husband tells her when she rocks a short skirt and heels it turns him on. I could never understand it. We even have spa days and it never dawns on her to hit the legs a few times with the wax. But I met her mother in law (her hubby's mama) and she has a little mustache. But why is it kinda cute on mama dukes.

  56. Comeback who is Miss Tony?

    Anyways, I am working on this new hair regiment, keeping heat away from it and being natural. So far so good check back with me in December to see how much its grown.

  57. Miss Tony was like a drag queen house music star in bmore, I was trying to be creative in my descriptions but none of my friends know about my daily reads. Well one does.

    Anyway I am so proud of you Mik. why is my comment in moderation?

  58. side note (mad late) – it is pathetic when a women changes her hair to please a man she's with or interested in.

    case and point – my friend (male) started talking to this chick and after about 2 weeks of phone conversations, etc. it some up that my friend did not like weaves. now this chick wore a little piece in her hair for fullness (ladies know what I'm talking about) boom – next day, peice comes out!

    I was like WTF! I told my friend drop her quickly and run. She doesn't even know you and already she's changing for you. She sounds pathetic and insecure. If you met her with the piece and you were feeling her…what's the problem?


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