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SBM Answers: No good ninja

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**** Admin Note ****
The site has been redesigned, but nothing crazy.  Small changes will be coming throughout the week. And before anyone asks THE OLD FORMAT IS NOT COMING BACK! It was buggy and caused a lot of behind the scene problems, but I am all about my readers … so any criticisms or problems are welcomed (email is best).  This weeks poll is about the look of the new site.
**************

Another submission from a concerned reader.

I have been reading your blog for awhile and I LOVE it. I was wondering if you can help me out with my situation.

I have known my boyfriend for 5 years and we broke up when I went to SU for two years. When I graduated I move to Dallas to get a job and be near him. We got back together, but I really don’t see any growth in our relationship. He says he loves me, I mean the world to him, and I will never know it … but I don’t see it. His friends and parents are always saying he talks about me & how he misses but that doesn’t occur when he is around. Ever since I got back I have been supporting him.  I pay any bill he needs paid (his car note is my car note and I OWN my car…LOL). He does not work cause he can’t find a job. But as of lately he doesn’t call or come see me, always stating gas is too high since we live 30 minutes away from each other. I am always arguing with about quality time, since I never see & when I do his best friend is always around. I really dont know what to do. I believe he loves me but he doesn’t show it. All I can think about is “Teach Me” by Musiq Soulchild … do you have any advice for me… thanks for the blog.

This one actually seems like a straight forward open and shut case.

See Also:  How to Be a Great Girlfriend

The n***a is no good and should be dropped!

I tried hard, really really hard to justify his actions because as a man I hate to go badmouthing a comrade if possible … but there is just no getting around it.

I talk about selfish women, the archaic principle of chivalry, and all my gripes and problems with a significant portion of the female population, but nothing you’re asking for is crazy or ludicrous considering you’re his girlfriend.  Also, that n***a needs a job!  I hate golddigging women (which you obviously aren’t), but any person (especially any real man) should be able to handle his own sh*t business.

And I can’t help but think that if your paying his car note … he better be able to gas it up to see you.  I mean … you’re paying for the car.  If I get my girl a cell phone … best believe she needs to use it to call me!

In the end … dude is selfish and sounds like user.  Drop him and move on.

Don’t do it any “Waiting to Exhale” fashion or go have the “n****a ain’t sh*t” session with your girlfriends.  Simply tell him your tired of supporting him without receiving the love & respect you deserve.

And that’s coming from the leader of the “Stop Simping” movement … so that’s serious.  If he has trouble comprehending, send him to the site.

See Also:  RAW: Sleeping With Who You Sleep With?

Lastly, don’t let this ruin you.  Too often do good women get sour and blame every man walking for the actions of one a$$hole unenlightened brotha.  Stay strong … there are plenty of us good guys out there.

****** Update *******
She has left is a$$!  I repeat … his a$$ has been left.

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Comment(183)

  1. Well since my daughter had a scary dream and has taken over my bed causing me not to be able to go back to sleep i guess i'll respond:

    1. LOL @ the update

    2. what the hell you post this for if she's already left him, there's nothing left for us to say.

    3. the font still needs to be a bit bigger.

    4. you should switch up the side panel coloring to offset the center.

    5. thanks for the numbers and the comment separation lines…although i still miss the old site.

    oh and for the umpteenth time it's "you're" and not "your"

  2. this saddens me.

    I was told one thing by a very smart person and I use this logic in everyday life.

    never trust a woman who leaves a loving man

    that means any man who loves her no matter what happens.

    I notice on alot of my dates I run into chicks who talk about their ex and usually they all say the same thing. "i saw no growth" but then flaunt how much money they make and how long their pedigree was growing.

    its rough out here my fellow black men. I have checked many a sista off on the first date for leaving their man. I dont like the whole "upgrade" or "i can do better" syndrome that goes on and I refuse to be some sistas prize that she feels she "deserves" by doin something I feel is morally Iniquitous.

    the "growth" line is funny… I hear that alot.

    lets pretend growth stood for marriage.

    To marry someone a woman or a man would say "I can not live my life without you and want to permanently bond our lives together to form a single household." so how can someone say "I will stay with you the rest of my days no matter what" but then in the next breath say "Im out because this isnt exactly as I planned"

    Ask yourself would you REALLY stay with someone when shit was goin bad? would you give up your future and all your money to stay with the person you love?

    would you live with a woman who loved you but didnt belive in marriage or children even though you did?

    would you stay with your mate and watch them slowly die over a year and do everything in your power to give them an extra day or two to live or would you hit up the club immediately and look for the next upgrade?

    how REAL is your black love?

  3. @teacia…thank you, that "your" thing was really irking me!

    sounds like an open and shut case of "you need to leave that negro" and it seems she did. I'd love to get an update on whether or not she kept away though, a lot of times we have the tendancy of going back, especially when it's someone with whom we've had an extensive history and they were together for about 5 years

    @comeback…where did you email it to? Did you ask me why i'm so shy?

  4. @TEACIA: yELLO. PLEASE OH PLEASE become this man's editor. He needs someone to edit these posts!

    ET AL: like bree and teacia said there is no advice to give if she already left. Good Morning all! Have a great week

  5. since there isn't much to talk about in this post (LOL) I'll give you guys an update on the real estate dude. I sent him an email (b/c we had still yet to exchange numbers) thanking him for lunch and telling him i'd be happy to return the favor but that we should do something after hours or on the weekend b/c lunch during the week felt like networking meetings. (Thursday and Friday are his days off so they are kind of his weekend but still). He emailed me back and said that sounded great and told me to hit him up and included his number.

    Now, this is all fine and dandy, but I'm feeling the all to familiar (at least in ATL) dude that thinks he should be pursued…*sigh* that was my hesitation in approaching him in the first place. but since my team is down to zero right now, i'll entertain him for something to do…in the meantime, i'm out recruiting. LOL

    @Jolie….tell us about this man you met!

  6. lmao @ bree entertaining him, once again I am late for work. I need a new phone so I can just read as I drive, is that dangerous?? oh well.

    I don't like the comment link at the top why I gotta scroll alllllllllll the way back up n through the post just to see what everyone else is saying huh?

    about the topic, I am glad she left is all I have to say.

    Bree I think your right about him wanting you to pursue him, I am starting to feel the same way with my dude, but im not callin that ninja, on to the next!!!!

    update on the house, since im still the only bidder and one day left, I am pretty sure I will own it by months end!! I was excited at first but then I saw like 10 other houses I wanted lol oh well, this can be my first baby and when I am debt free I can buy more!! muwaaahahahaha!!

  7. Good Morning, Everyone

    "Ever since I got back I have been supporting him. I pay any bill he needs paid (his car note is my car note and I OWN my car…LOL). He does not work cause he can’t find a job. But as of lately he doesn’t call or come see me, always stating gas is too high since we live 30 minutes away from each other."

    Ok, this cat is lame. WTF. She is paying the car note and you can't afford the gas? N**ga are you serious"? Dudes like this f**k the game up for cats like me. Doesn't call? I dont get it. I know what it is like to be with somebody that didn't give any support so I can't condone his behavior one bit. This man or should I say boy is selfish and unappreciative.

  8. Well I must still comment on the letter though she just left him (why does my third eye feel like she hasn't REALLY left, but only does seeing your situation written does it bring a new perspective).

    I would also like to have an age. It really does put everything into better context. But lets start at the boginning (yes BOGINNING).

    1."When I graduated I move to Dallas to get a job and be near him. We got back together, but I really don’t see any growth in our relationship."

    —-This seems out of sequence. You broke up. When you graduated you got a job to be nearer to him. Then you got back together. And have since not seen any growth. Dear Jesus up above. WHY WOULD YOU?? really. He didn't ASK you to be nearer. YOU didn't really have a relationship. You went back to his hometown ON YOUR OWN ACCORD. A man I believe is really suppose to chart at least the beginning territory. You left NOTHING up to him to do, to pursue and to woo. Classic enabling 101.

    2. He says he loves me, I mean the world to him, and I will never know it … but I don’t see it. His friends and parents are always saying he talks about me & how he misses but that doesn’t occur when he is around.

    —language is very important. "He loves you. You mean the world to him and you will NEVER KNOW IT" And so apparently YOU WILL never know it. He talks about you because you make his life EASY. He doesn't have to be a man, because you are CARRYING HIM. I'd talk about you too. You're making it easy for the man to be unemployed and NOT have to work. Im also sure you give him money. If I was a scallywag like dude, I'd love you Too. And twice on Sunday. But as you enable people, they lose respect for you. Which is why he never has time to see unless you have some money in your hand or you are paying his gas to get to see you. BEING SOMEBODY's MAMA IS NOT ATTRACTIVE TO A MAN. Even though you foot the bill. Overtime he WILL AND HAS GROWN TO RESENT YOU.

    3. "He does not work and cannot get a job"

    –partly do to the enablement. He found someone who probably underscores how his whole family treats him. THEY CHALLENGE HIM TO DO NOTHING. You came along and mirrored the sentiment. You take him off the hook. Secondly, people are people from the gate. Didnt you know in all the 5 years that he wasn't all that ambitious, that he liked to be taken care of in the most unequitable way (taking and not giving).

    I really hope this writer does not go back with the guy.

  9. Well…since the lovely Comeback explicated the whole post I would say I have nothing to say…

    However, I had a discussion with someone last night about helping your significant other out. My take on it is if you can see the man definitely trying and it's obvious that he's having a few problems then you should step up to the plate.

    Man this whole relationship thing gets extra complicated…there's so much to be learned and thought about.

    I don't think any of us will ever be anywhere near getting it all together.

    How was everyone's weekend?

  10. @Jolie: I don't even think he proofreads them, he's such a stickler for correct grammar when it comes to others that he can't possibly proofread them. I may have to take him up on the editing thing.

    @Bree: I say shoot him an email back saying, "right back atcha mister" with your contact info and, "don't be a stranger ;-)" I've always felt that the easiest way to deal with men who give you the obligation to make the first move is to give it right back to them with a wink and a smile and keep it moving.

    I wouldn't say entertain him b/c you may start to eventually like this dude, and then it'll be hard to change the dynamics of the relationship if you did most of the initiating. I say treat every one potentially as THE one…if saves you a lof hearthache when it comes to how the relationship progresses.

    @Jaclynn: "I don’t think any of us will ever be anywhere near getting it all together"

    …umm speak for yourself chic cause i'm that HOTNESS and i keeps mine together…lol.

    @Comeback: way to disect that shit *hi-five*…next post please and thank you!!

  11. @Teacia-Well of course you would be the oldest bs and Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Gee whiz….and as a side note I know mentioned loving the whole BD thing…well a sexy voice can get it too…yep a sexy voice.

    @Bree-I'm with Teacia here. Umm..here's my number, don't be a stranger…so what if he becomes one you're so pretty it don't even matter.

    @Mikki-Hmmmm…has he called you again?

    @Jolie-About your man…?

    @Comeback-I gotta go back and read what you wrote last evening cause I seem to have misunderstood in my sleepy stupor.

  12. @bree and everyone who wants to know: I did meet a man. I was at a party on Saturday. Him and his 3 friends came in.. I couldnt really decide which one out of the 2 of 3 I thought was cuter (the third one looked like a character from that show "the pj's". Anywho.So I was the tender (read:bartender) so i was in the kitchen doing the drinks. So I was talking to them both, fixing drinks and getting it in myself. Eventually, I decided I liked the former Pilot turned FAA Analyst from NY. Anyway, we had good convo, he smelled yummo and he asked if he could take me out. Of course I said sure. We exchanged numbers..and I went on my way partying. Around 1 am he came up to me and said his friends wanted to leave so he was going to go. I said ok and texted him to drive safely. So about 30 minutes later he calls and says he is coming back to the party because he wants to see me again. so on his way back apparently he hit a median and since he had low profile tires he caught 3 flats. He calls me, tells me and then somehow I end up getting my keys and coming to his rescue. We sit and talk for a few hours waiting on the tow truck. Around 3:30 am a tow truck shows up but it isnt a flat bed so it cant tow his car. We wait for another one until 4:40 and then he decides to give up. we go to his place to sleep cause by then we are both drunk and tired. We sleep. We wake up he cooks breakfast. we get the car towed and spend the rest of the day together. Sleeping and then going to lunch. around 4pm I call it a day and decide to leave. But this is where it gets awkward. OK .. so we didnt do anything but we did kiss over the 18 hrs we knew each other. So when its time to say goodbye what does Jolie do.. I EXTEND MY HAND TO SHAKE HIS (awkward) then i say IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU (awkward) so he pulls me in for a hug .. and then says "well I guess i'll see you around" (awkward)

    But i think I made it awkward at first. but anyway.. he texted about 30 minutes later and we are going out this week i just dont know when. WHAT A WEEKEND ..

    sorry this is so long. I am long winded..

  13. Ok after Jolie's story I have to interject and go on record saying that the woman of SBM.NET are by far the greatest women. Non of you can ever say we don't go out our way to please our men and we don't need " one day" to appreciate our black men because we do it every day.

    PS Jolie that sounds like some love Jones type stuff you sure yall aint have sex??? lol

  14. @Teacia…good point

    @Comeback…you didn't answer my question, see ost #5…also, I'm so with you, I'm really wondering if she really left him…it's just not easy to do cold turkey, especially when you've invested so much into someone. and yes, you dissected the crap out of her email

    @Jolie…sounds like an interesting weekend.

  15. Ok so I forgot to interject that once upon a time I was this girl. I kicked him to the curb all of seven times and it just keeps coming back. It took police to break it up.

    @Jolie-A handshake? Wow…

    @Mikki-Wow chick just wow…You know I think the women of SBM.net do go out their way a lot to do things for the men…but it could just be who we are.

  16. @ Jolie – I'm with Mikki sounds too much like Love Jones. But a great weekend/fabulous "how we met" story none the less.

    Insert convo from back of the cab here – "It's like it just spoke to me." "Girl, what did it say?" "Nina." ROFL

  17. "Lastly, don’t let this ruin you. Too often do good women get sour and blame every man walking for the actions of one a$$hole unenlightened brotha. Stay strong … there are plenty of us good guys out there."

    I think this is the most essential part of dealing with a no good nig-nog. Alot of women are turned off from an entire portion of dudes b/c of the actions/inactions of one, whether it be guys from a certain locale, ethnicity, or look. That 1 negative person has won once you shut yourself off from the multitude of potential goodness out there for you.

    http://www.mrswagger.com

  18. @SBM: why do I have to put my info back in everytime i get back on the site! You are starting to make me mad just like I HATE THE NEW FACEBOOK!

    @jaclynn: The "handshake" was awkward and I feel as though it made him think I wasnt interested when clearly I AM. sigh. whatever.. I was a good citizen this weekend. My friends were like "what made you become captain save-a-hoe" but seriously I just did it because I would want someone to help me even if we did only have a hour long conversation at a party. anywho..i'll keep you guys updated.

  19. @jolie..it was very nice of you to come sit with him (and brave) besides, you're the one he called…i prob would've done the same. I would've at least offered to come wait with him. and he may have thought you were nervous about having spent the night with a complete stranger…either way, the handshake didn't scare him off, he asked you out, didn't he.

  20. yo jolie, i think that was a cool thing to do. Kudos.

    Certain things happen for a reason. Funny how we look up and down and left and right for partners and when we do something chill, they show up right there.

    fate is talking to you.

  21. Btw, this chick should bounce immediately, thus living her no good ninja to do nothing other than kick some big Texas-sized rocks.

  22. the Recession…The Boom Boom Room was being run with loans from Washington Mutual, insurance from AIG, and investments from Lehman Brothers.

  23. hahaha..SHUTTUP! The weekend was CRAZY in the NYC…lawd have mercy! just like that 65,000 folks out of jobs. You forgot to mention the BofA takeover of Merrill

  24. Lets see:

    – She pays for his car, but he doesn't see her because he can't afford gas.

    – He can't take time out of his not-so-busy schedule (he's not working after all) to pick up the phone and call.

    Yeah, she made the right decision leaving. I'd be more concerned about no calls than not visiting. There is obviously no interest on his part, at least not anymore. I've been unemployed before so I can relate somewhat, but you can't afford gas when you don't have a car note?

    If you are unemployed for more than six months, get a part-time job at a minimum! If you work at Best Buy for $8.50/hr, you can pay some bills and at least be able to let your friends get a DVD burner or an iPod with your discount. I just don't understand how a grown man can just sit around and do absolutely nothing.

  25. Anti you left out Merril Lynch…lol.

    @Hugh: "I just don’t understand how a grown man can just sit around and do absolutely nothing."

    ..cause ain't nothing GROWN or MAN about his azz!

  26. I'm sorry. Merril provided the Wealth Management services that I no longer need and Bank of America (still large and in charge) provided for the Boom Boom Room's banking needs. * le sigh *

    Boom Boom Room, Inc is going chapter 11. I'll make sure to say hi to the Lehman execs when I bump into them at the courthouse.

    I read a comment on Huffpost about a woman's fearing that her trust funds could go bye bye if Washington Mutual tanks 🙁 Outside of the FDIC insured funds…she could be screwed. She might have to get a job! Oh no! It's also too bad that white,thumb-twiddling trust fund babies are not considered "lazy welfare recipients that don't contribute to Society".

  27. @anti…good point…they are basically welfare recipients…the only reason nobody mentions that is that their lifestyle is funded by their parents and not the rest of the taxpayers

    @jolie..i beg to differ…we usually spend at least the first part of the morning to early afternoon discussing the post and then later on it becomes a chat room…its just that today, he posted an issue that seemed to already be resolved so…not much else to discuss there.

  28. question for the people of sbm…

    ok ..if you really like someones personality and you think you would click.. would you meet them sight unseen? is personality enough? is giving up your Anonymity worth it?

    I'd like your feed back..

  29. Is it just me, or does anyone else hate when people ask for advice when, if they would just read their own e-mail, the answer is glaringly obvious?? Asking questions you already know the answer to irritates me to no end.

    Hell, I need to find a girlfriend to do that shyt for me…. where can I sign up for one? Never mind that I don't have all the proper equipment, but hell, seems like women out here are putting up with even bigger shortcomings than that. Lemme take that back tho…. that's probably EXACTLY why she's putting up with that dumb shyt.

    Damn, back to the drawing board…..

  30. Hi Bree

    re #5. Im confused. I agree with Teacia. I think he needs to get back in the pursue mode (if thats a mode he can really do). He should have emailed you. Numbers should have already been exchanged. Since you have this "strange momentum going" that must not be disrupted.

    I would GIVE IT ONE MORE TIME FOR THE ROAD. the email should have requested he call you with specifics. When you guys get this dinner/evening thing worked out I would dress in my most absolutely SEXY/sophisticated (with slight SLUTation) ensemble that I could muster. And he would have to show me some interest. He would have to make a future date and he would need to be CALLING ME. And you already know I wouldn't sleep with him.

  31. You gotta have an element of SLUTation. Its a real science. Too much and your a um ….well your a slu#t…not enough your nice amish girl looking for your 80 year old widowed prince charming to pick you up in a buggy with the little yeild sign on the back.

    SLUTation is a must.

  32. yeah i had on this cute gray SLUTation dress on on Saturday … it got looks but not from the WRONG kind. It was a little low in the front…tight until mid waist and then loose and a lil above the knee..showed a lil uptop.. showed the waistline but not too much legs…

  33. It's a forum…not a chatroom, lol.

    *sidenote* Why must I insist on being a procrastinor? I mean really, I didn't do SHAT all weekend, and now on my day off I'm cleaning and finishing up my papers. This is insane. But it's weird, my mind works better in panic mode like this, I need a deadline…otherwise I don't do shat all day. *sigh*

    And why must I insist on walking around outside barefoot. I'm starting to think that I'm regressing b/c I don't care much for shoes anymore. I walk to the dumbster, to the mailbox, down the street at my mother's house…and all with no damn shoes on. I even walked around in DC barefoot, which means that I have a problem. I spend hunnits of dollars on shoes, only to carry them in my hands. *sigh* And you would think that my feet would suffer, but their still soft…gotta do better!!

  34. @Teacia-It's not just you girl, me too..and I put in work on my feet to keep them soft…between bath and body works shea butter and curel targeted foot therapy i've got it down to a science

  35. "ok ..if you really like someones personality and you think you would click.. would you meet them sight unseen? is personality enough? is giving up your Anonymity worth it? "

    Jolie can you please stop doling out the info. I need more specifics. Have you all at least "seen each other" via myspace, facebook, a picture in a letter? SOMETHING?

    I would be careful really. Sometimes the whole written word has a way of getting you caught up in a home key dream world. There is no backspace for meeting someone you wish you hadn't—that really has two meanings.

    I would say ultimately go with your gut. But I wouldn't hang alot of expectation on it.

  36. I read 14 now. But what does that have to do with the sight unseen question. The guy you met…that was a cute weekend…my third eye is telling me more than kissing happened but less than sex. Im reading you felt his schlong. Did you feel his schlong Jolie 🙂

    …in regards to the whole texting thing for a date. You already know how I feel about that. But so far so good.

  37. ok .. I was talking about two different situations.. 1 guy from saturday.. We just kissed. I have no clue what his member looks like or what his body looks like underneath his clothes. I AM A GOOD GIRL COMEBACK! Plus I didnt have that animalistic urge to rip his clothes off which is also telling… maybe I am not feeling him like that.

    the 2nd guy.. well i have never met him and I dont know what he looks like .. but I've talked to him .. online .. mainly and he seems really nice.. but as you know i am incognegro on this here internets..

  38. @comeback…i'm all about subtle slutaciousness. (P.S. ya'll should see the dress I just bought for my bday party…super sophisti-slut!! LOVES IT! I'll be sure to post pics on my myspace for those that are my friends

    @Jolie…well, it seemed to work out for Teacia and SBM, LMAO

  39. "the 2nd guy.. well i have never met him and I dont know what he looks like .. but I’ve talked to him .. online .. mainly and he seems really nice.. but as you know i am incognegro on this here internets.."

    I would say get one of them "boom boom" rooms opened up and exchange some pics. And see from there.

  40. HOLE THE PRESSES…

    "We sleep. We wake up he cooks breakfast. we get the car towed and spend the rest of the day together"

    Did yall sleep together.

    **to self …see how people be leaving IMPORTANT info out.**

  41. I must come out of hiding and say there is no reason why you should NOT have a picture, we got webcams, camera phones, iphones, digital cameras, what else???? Get a picture!! no such thing as blind dates anymore, unless of course your actually blind!!!

    *returning to my listening party on imeem*

  42. "Im reading you felt his schlong. Did you feel his schlong Jolie "

    lol, lol, lol. Yes I am a grown ass man that sometimes has the humor of a 13 year old. This was just too funny to me. So you read that she felt his schlong. You got a sign that someone's schlong was touched? lol lol

  43. @comeback: we slept in the same bed.. yes .. He gave me a tshirt and some shorts.. but I slept on the edge of the bed the whole night..

    we didnt get it towed that night.. to many mishaps and we werent in the best neigborhood. He got a flat on L and North Capitol. When I pulled up the homeless men of L St were all around him good thing he is a New Yorker. So then the homeless men were telling him to drive it down the street where the "puerto rican boys have an 24 hour tire shop" we drove it down that way didnt see the shop and were parked waiting for the tow on 5th and Florida across the street from Layla Lounge.. so around 4:40 we went to his house. because I live in maryland pretty far from where we were and he lived in alexandria which was right there off 395

  44. SCHLONG!!?!?? *chokes on french fry*

    No feelage damned. I had some feelage the other night but his ass wasn't humble enough to let that do and I had to announce to my blog sisters that his d!ck was a button.

    @Jolie-click my link and umm yeah e-mail me…I've got something for you…

  45. I would first like to say that yall are a bag of NUTS…all of you.

    @Jolie: Do you know his full name, if so google him. I'm sure his pic will come up…on perhaps a site or something that's out there.

    …i'm just saying. If you don't know the full name, ask around…I'm sure someone knows.

    @Bree: ha ha ha, you so d*mn funnny…and let's not break out the champagne glasses just yet, this negro is still under 90 day probation, ending promptly on the 27th of this month(i still love you babe…lol).

    @Comeback: SCHLONG….wow, really now. Lol, you know a lady never tells…well at least not on this here d*mn site, you know yall folks get up in here.

    @Cuzzo: What it do?!?!?

    @Jaclynn: I see you up in here about to start something…it is not your place to provide that info…you here me chile…lol.

    Roll call…where errbody at? Oh wait everyone is present…we just didn't have a damn TOPIC to discuss today…way to go SBM!!

    Has anyone heard from Tiffany In Houston…quietly I'm a little worried.

    Welcome back Daisy…how was the vacay?

    Oh well, back to finishing up this paper while nursing this migraine I go.

    *sidenote* the headache alone is reason enough to STOP procrastinating.

  46. i know this isn't rant day…but dammit…i woke up this morning late b/c apparently i didn't turn my alarm clock on (though I distinctly recall setting the wake time on it). after getting dressed and taking my daughter to school i realized that i REALLY REALLY REALLY didn't want to come to work today. I came soooo close to calling in and just taking the day to do my personal errands and get some shopping done. But since I'm leaving early Thurs and taking next Fri off, I decided against it. I get here and six of the eleven people that work here are out and my boss had a meeting today from 11am to 4pm…I'm so annoyed with myself for coming to work today! what a waste!

  47. @Teacia-I'm in my corner caking or something…I don't know anything…I was just talking to Nicki she's cool but in the dark. 🙁

    Other than that I'm trying to find a schlong to feel with a wet dishrag?

    Oh and a third eye.

  48. I'm still going through the comments but now I have to run an errand so I'll be back.

    I did get to see The Family that Preys before the rain hit on Friday–the humidity did wonders to my hair–but thank goodness for ponytails. The Family that Preys was a good movie; although Why Did I Get Married is still my favorite TP movie.

  49. Why is it this topic doesn't deserve to be commented on just because their not together? No one else has dealt with this type of situation?

    Even Hasani went out there and said she should have stayed with him!!!

    I personally thought it was very interesting how long these two had been together. It says a lot that she seemed to want to keep things going although it was obvious he wasn't doing what he needed. Also, I suspected he might be cheating … no one else caught that?

  50. I read it miss lady, which is why I posted my comment. Yep, I came home, turned my ringer off, set my alarm clock and took a 2 hour nap. Got up and got to going…now I'm at school in the library b/c I can't get shat done at home.

    I need a computer desk, sitting in my bed attempting to write papers and do homework has been deemed counterproductive…especially with the new comfy sheets and duvet I purchased. I no longer think that anything productive(well, not anything) will come of me laying in my bed…especially if I'm in it alone.

    But I shot my boss that funky fresh email outlining a toothache and I called it a day…a very relaxing day…that was until I realized that my paper was due today and I hadn't finished it. And there you have it.

  51. @SBM: he most definitely WAS cheating…but hey she left him, if she goes back she gets EXACTLY what her ass deserves.

    "when people show you who they are, believe them the FIRST time."

    @Hasani: She shouldn't have stayed, they weren't married…you don't try and fight for someone who is blatantly disrespecting you just for the sake of "black love". F*ck black love if it comes wrapped in a cheap, sorry and sad ass construction paper. Keep it muthafugging moving I say. Now if heaven forbade that she actually married that man and this happened, then counseling would be my suggestion…a little reality punch for their asses would have worked out nicely. She kept drinking the kool-aid even though his ass REFUSED to put any sugar in it. Thankfully she realized that you're supposed to have sugar and moved on to find some. Sometimes it's just best to let go and move on.

    Happy now my dear sweet ButtaRone baby! 🙂

  52. @Hasani: SO your telling me no matter how bad the treatment … she should have stayed with him???

    Really????
    ————————————————————–
    Hey dont uese my government name and I wont use yours!
    i dont read in the story that she was mistreated.
    and I dont recall putting paramaters on the rule I was given.

    all I read is a laundry list of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and nothing about <3
    a man who "always talks about me and always thinks about me" I would gather has my love right?
    A black man that cant find a job…. I have two… two GREAT jobs infact but I dont want anything to do with any woman who wouldnt have spoken to me before I was well off.
    How down are you if your mate loves you but when they get down you wont get down with them? This is small time shit to me… seriously.

    lets put this in perspective shal we? brotha has a "car note" that shit is NOT a mortgage. he prob has a beater and she is payin less than 200 a month. do you know how many women who I never even nailed I spent that much money on 9 months ago? didnt we have a debate about drinks before… you can buy a woman 2 drinks and its supposed to mean nothing.

    2 cosmos @ $18.50 for 45 minutes of conversation = "nothing big"
    but
    $150 as a by product of helping a loved one if "mistreatment" somehow? are we serious here black people??!

    like I said… how hardcore is your black love? do you really think you know what love is if you would leave a relationship that was "just ok" to upgrade to a better situation?
    I know REAL thugs who have sat by and watched their loved ones die slowly and not even once think about leaving them. so forgive me if it makes me sick to think about someone complaining about hitting off a car note when their mate… a black man who could just as easily be you or me…. loses his job and cant find another.

    thats part of black life. thats about as bad as leaving me because my hair isnt straight, a cop harasses me or I contract sickel cell anemia.

    and NO I wouldnt trust a woman who leaves any man who "loves" her, no matter how pathetic he was at the time she left.

  53. I think we need to clarify love. I personally don't think its tragic. It is NOT him not calling. It is NOT him accepting car notes. It is NOT being an enabler. It is not a woman who you claim you love operating as your part-time Mama. That kind of coddling you should have gotten when you were 7.

    Where is the love when he never asked you to bring your happy @zz to Dallas. They BROKE UP. THEN she decided to move to make it work. And then they got back together. thats not love. That is trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

    Im not sure where people are getting this love is supposed to hurt, make you cry, drive you into chapter 11 and 13, be unrequited, causes him to not want to see you or call you.

    thats not love. thats torture. And of course most tragic selfless martyr type men are going to say, make it work, like Tim Gunn, but this aint Project Runway. This is home girl's life.

  54. well SBM had you not added in the fact that she dumped the guy we might have had more to say on the subject, I guess everyones sentiment was who cares if she is no longer with the guy, maybe next time leave it like a case study and then tell us what happen after we have dissected it and given our option. I mean with the **** update**** our opinion seems to hold very little weight unless you left something out like comeback said.

    comeback do you have a book comin out soon? cuz that was good

  55. I choked on my coffee when I read the update. But that's really the only solution. I'll be damned if I'm paying any grown man's car note (unless he's like, incapacitated/disabled or something legit) and he can't muster up GAS money. [email protected]@a please!

  56. yyyyeaaaaahhh…i wish someone would tell me they loved me and then barely ever call my a$$ or barely even bother to spend any quality time with me. That is SO not what love looks like.

    For arguments sake, let's change the players, let's say it's the woman sitting at home not calling or spending time with him, and he's the one who's paying her car note and a few bills here and there. She would be WRONG…the sex of the party who is wrong is not the issue…it's the behavior.

    and (breaking my vow to never address him) in the drinks scenario…(not that this is my belief) but dude buys a girl some drinks and gets some conversation…in her case, she's paying his car note and what does she get? to hang out with him and his best friend? well that's a raw deal

  57. @HNIC (I don't know if I can support the name): Come on man … you got to be kidding me. Just cause someone says they love you doesn't mean that they actually love you. This reggin (read it backwards) is unwilling to drive 30 minutes to see his girlfriend. She also complains that he isn't spending quality time or giving her needed attention.

    Its obvious he wasn't showing any love for her … so there was a lot more being talked about than money.

  58. @SBM

    "This reggin (read it backwards) is unwilling to drive 30 minutes to see his girlfriend. She also complains that he isn’t spending quality time or giving her needed attention."

    And this n**ga don't have a job. I think every non-simp dude is guilty of not spending time with his girl at one time or another. But how can you not find time to spend with her when you have no job and she is paying your car note? This dude thinks his s**t does not stink.

  59. (in super sarcastic tone)..i don't know what ya'll talking about…i'll take someone telling me they love me and talking about me all the time to their mom any day…i mean, when i'm alone at night wanting to cuddle up to my man and can't…the thought that he's 30 mins away talking about me to his mom will comfort me…when i'm driving to work busting my butt to pay his car note while he's sitting in his momma's house playing video games and texts me how much he loves me, it will make it all worth it…and when i finally get to spend some quality time with him, after i've gotten my fresh brazilian wax and put on all my sexy lingerie and he shows up to my house with his best friend, i'll know that he just loves me so much that he wants to maintain my virtue by saving myself…that or, he loves me enough to let me explore my freaky side with him and his best friend….now that's love ya'll.

  60. Bree you stoooopid and funty!!!

    …but that's real talk. She better run and keep running if he ever even picks up to the phone(that his momma is paying for) to think about calling her again.

  61. hmpt…so we managed to even break 100 comments today on a post we barely even discussed.

    SBM one day you should post a blank post with the words "boo" and see how far the conversation goes…lol.

  62. LOL @ Comeback…that might have happened if SBM hadn't updated us…and if she hadn't already seen the errors in her ways and dropped that loser.

    But you are right…man there's been too much kumbayah up in here lately…not that that's a bad thing i guess.

    …i'm just saying…lol.

  63. i wouldn't go as far as to call the girl stupid…we've all done crazy things for those we love. at least i know i have. i'm hoping she is wide awake about the part she played in this madness, and it seems she's smart enough to know it needs to end, some folks are so blind they keep this going and always wonder why they're unhappy.

  64. Am I the only one that notices that women like the one in the topic usually pic the worst of men. I know a few dudes like this guy. What is crazy is that this type of cat gets away with murder. The women I attract would never put up with this type of nonsense.

  65. Humble you'd be surprised with what a woman would put up with for love…suggestion is a POWERFUL thing. Thankfully you're just not putting out that kind of energy, but there's a sucker in every one of us.

    *sidenote* finished my paper and it is fan-fuccing-tastic!! off to class i go, and with 45 minutes to spare!

  66. @Breelicious

    "i wouldn’t go as far as to call the girl stupid…we’ve all done crazy things for those we love. at least i know i have. i’m hoping she is wide awake about the part she played in this madness, and it seems she’s smart enough to know it needs to end, some folks are so blind they keep this going and always wonder why they’re unhappy."

    I agree. You just have to make sure you dont repeat the same mistake.

  67. @ Humble I have made bad decisions concerning men (but with age they are supposed to get "less bad"), which is why I asked about the age. I can kind of understand a 19 or a 20 year old going through this. 30 year old not so much. Experience is supposed to be a good teacher (and a Mikki Howard song). But I think Bree said it best. Why wonder about why your life isn't working…when you making decisions like these.

    I would like the poster to come on and tell her age. And what made her leave after 5 years.

  68. @Teacia
    "you’d be surprised with what a woman would put up with for love…suggestion is a POWERFUL thing. Thankfully you’re just not putting out that kind of energy, but there’s a sucker in every one of us."

    I understand that. I am still amazed how selfish people can be. It's not in me to do what homeboy is doing or did.

  69. @Comeback
    "but with age they are supposed to get “less bad”"

    I use to think this way. I have met too many grown babies over the past years that killed that way of thinking. I see some men and women stop maturing at 21. I've met men and women damn near 40 and still on some bulls**t.

  70. I agree with SBM, any self respecting man would not be handling his business like that. I understand a person losing a job for a while or going thru hards times but your situation is ridiculous. Tell him to step up or step out, period. Have hime read this site and read http://www.MrSwagger.com, we'll set him straight.

  71. Good Morning Guys!!!! I missed you all today. I was out, have had no electricity since yesterday around noon!!!!!!

    I went to class (to which the teacher didn't show up) and now I'm home and the electricity is back. I'm thanking JESUS and doing the Hallelejah dance in my head and heart!!!!!!!

    Okay, this is a lot of exclamation points. Anywho, I'm hating this text SBM… It's so freakin small, my reading glasses are going to have to be upgraded to All DAY glasses. 🙂

    Teacia: Yep, we are feeling the effects of that damn Ike in Kentucky. I can't believe it. Technically I live in Indiana now (moved a couple of weeks ago) but Kentucky is less than 5 minutes away and I'll always claim it. Indiana is very "weird" around here…

    I hope you guys have had a fantab-ulous day.

  72. (bree walks into the room calmly, looks around, and falls on the floor into tantrum) WAAAAAH COMEBACK WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME! WAAAAH I-WANT-MY-CHARTS…WAAAAAAH IT'S NOT IN MY EMAIL…WAAAHHHH (bree gets up, dusts herself off and walks out calmly)

  73. Nicki!!! man I was gonna tell you its official im getting a cd player in my car this week, I seriously tried to deal with deez nuts but I couldn't I can't even drive my imaginary kids to school with that radio station on!!

    I am gonna do a happy dance when I get my player, just wait!!

  74. Okay, I'm catching up.

    Dammit Jolie I am jealous!!!!! And yes, you made it awkward first. Have fun girl.

    @Bree: I agree, this guy probably wants to be persued (oh my gosh, my spelling is lost!!!) so have fun and use him for what he is (temporary entertainment)

    @SBM: thanks for making this font a lil bigger now.

    Okay I'm not gonna lie, due to my short attention span, I probably will never catch up with comments. 🙂

  75. @Mikki: I'm cracking up. Girl, I'm so happy for you. I knew you couldn't take it. Deez nuts is trash. You just have to hear Paternity Test Tuesday (THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED). It's an embarrasment to the black community and we need to trade him to the Asians (anyone would get that whose seen Chappelle's show)!

  76. @Bree: Comeback hasn't even acknowledged that I asked her for my charts. I think you might have to just give up.

    BTW … the girl in question emailed me. You guys are mean.

  77. @Bree: Yes it is awful. And it's real, not that Maury Povich stuff. They had these two ig'nant cousins on last week, trying to figure out who fathered this girls child. These fools never realized that Rickey Smiley and Deez Nuts were making fun of them.

    @Mikki: A midget? what has this world come to for entertainment?

  78. lmao Nicki now Im gonna have to listen in the morning, lawd have mercy Jesus. Yes I kid you not there is a midget on that show I promise you lol.

    SBM what you mean we are mean?? we actually was rather nice to the girl, I read the comments I didn't see no mean stuff!! she must haven't been on this site for long lol.

  79. I thought Nicki was in Kentuky?!?!

    I was talking about Tiffany in Houston…it’s been a minute since she said anything and with the storm and all I’m putting out that APB!!

    Tiffany if you read this, you need to check in with your folks ASAP!

    And Jackie yo *ss in a mess, a hot stinking mess I tell ya…lol.

    yep…and I woke up late as well, but I actually called in…after taking Alex to school I just couldn’t force myself to go.

  80. i'm with mikki…there was nothing really mean, maybe a couple comments. in my defense, my sarcasm was aimed at uncle fester

    ya'll…my daughter came home today and opened my car door for me, while i was changing my clothes she voluntarily cleaned her room up, then when i told her it was time to do her homework she said "YAY!", she tried to get a second oreo snack bag and i told her "no" to which she shrugged and said "ok"…she walked up to me and said "mommie, i'm going to be good from now on" i asked her if they had talked to them in school about obedience or something she said "no, i just want you to be happy and never be sad at me"…she kept saying "i love you" out of nowhere, she cleaned up her mess without telling me and did ALL of her homework without one single whine…i think she's going to kill me in my sleep

  81. @Teacia…”and I woke up late as well, but I actually called in…after taking Alex to school I just couldn’t force myself to go.”…dude I SWEAR we are the same dam.n person…except you’re at home and I’m stuck at work cuz I didn’t listen to myself…see post #76 (see SBM, we really do use the numbers! LOL)

  82. @ Bree I sent it last night!!!! I thought you didn't like them or something.

    @ Jaclynn you are next

    SBM you are last but not least and a 1 (5+5) right??? I think everybody will get a TOTAL kick out of your description. "The Leader" and the ego and all.

  83. @comeback…THANK YOU! "If a 5 recieved a thank you note, they would write a thank you for the thank you if they could" this actually almost happened. LMAO!

  84. huge seperation between "i love you let me use you" and "i love you.. I talk about you all the time.
    what kinda men are you? a chick dont get talked about to my momma and friends unless I like her…. seriously. if you tell your mom about every chick you play with… thats a problem.
    Only ONE of the women I date has met my mother and friends.

    and the carnote? oh negros please. let me save you guys talkin about payin a 90 dollar car note for your mate like its somehow more than buying a woman 2 cosmos just to talk to her for 30 minutes for 40 dollars or my favorite…. buyin a woman a $200 purse "so you can have sex with her……………"

    That black man could be me… could be you or could be any of us brothas. Im not driving 30 miles to visit anyone if I cant even afford my own car note. if you work… and you have a car and your so great GO SEE YOUR MAN.

    You cant draw so many conclusions about the brotha being a deadbeat, because any of the 4 men on this blog have said they have done similar things in other post. only clear thing I can conclude is she pulled out and spoke about money before she spoke a single kind word about him how hard life would be without him or how she tried to help get her man right. obvious its more of a like and not really love…. so I guess its not a big deal.

    self preservtion is the first rule of black love…. right?

  85. @humble…that’s only if I can get in touch with him…you see, he doesn’t answer his phone when i call it’s just that he loves me so much that he wants to help me focus on work and the things i need to do in life, he doesn’t want to be a distraction, ya know….maybe i’ll just apologize on his vm.

  86. i think moving back to the city to be near him was kind word enough.

    furthermore, saying you love someone should be followed up with acting like you love them. if you say something and act another way, i'm going to assume you're lying. for instance, you say you're a doctor, then you go to the hospital and put on a janitor's uniform and start mopping the floor…it's safe to say you were lying. you tell me you love me, then barely call, don't give me attention, don't spend time with me…yeah…i'm going to assume you don't really like me. as would any normal person

    btw, the lying about being a dr. thing actually happened here in ATL, this dude is facing serious jail time for impersonating an ER doctor…and he was married, his wife had no idea he was lying!

  87. which also works both ways… how can you say you love a man but leave as soon as the situation dosent benefit you??

    re-read the post, she never mentions him mistreating her but she brings up financal reasons its not working for her. how much more can you "act" like you love someone when you dont have money? how hard core if your version of black love if you cant even stand dating an unemployed black man during a recession?????????? its not like this is 2001 and he isnt working.
    can you see your grandfather leaving your grandmother just because he had to pay HER carnote when they were dating?
    and please… for every man that fronts type of lie story you want to tell me, I can come up with a whopper of a dating story a sista has fed me from any of my 49 dates this year…

    its not a case of who is worse men or women.. this is just a case of what the fuk are we calling black love if your sayin "Im too good for this poor guy who cant afford to see me…. Im better than this im better than him.. im outtie son!!"

    lets call a spade a spade. Im not sayin its wrong for self preservation, but its sure nuff aint right and it damn sure is not love.

  88. Hey Peoples!!! I think the chick put herself in a vulnerable situation in the beginning. Because when she moved to be near him they weren't together. It wasn't until after she moved there then they got back together…. So did he agree to get back together only because she had moved to be near him????

    She set herself up because maybe she was thinking the magic in the relationship would happen as long as they were near each other…..

  89. LenaBean: ummmm what were you doing drinking coffee at 4pm?!?!?

    QB: no side bar needed on this site…lol.

    80's baby: I think he saw it as an opportunity and took her back b/c she was there in his city and making his life easy.

  90. @Hasani… You are missing the most important part he did mistreat her because he wasn't spending that quality time with her. He was using the bogus gas excuse and bringing a friend along. What about their time??? That's what was missing and where the mistreatment occurred.
    Now don't get me wrong. I've been in a relationship where I was in a better financial state than my bf and I didn't mind helping out here and there. But when it became expected like that was what I was supposed to be doing then that's when the problems started……And this is pretty much the same scenario. This dude was probably spoiled by his parents and then when he grew up he was looking for someone to take their place by taking care of him. And unfortunately, she thought she was the girlfriend but yet she was only filling in for his parents…

  91. @Teacia-I concur. If one of my ex's was willing to move for me and pay bills I'd take them back too…and use them sa a sponsor or something on an as needed basis and of course I would use that money to take my real man out cause you know that's how we gotta do.

  92. you are the only one focusing on the money…she said she wasn't getting the attention and quality time she needed. i wouldn't question someone's commitment who MOVED TO ANOTHER CITY to be with someone she wasn't with before she moved. I'm sorry, no matter who is spending money on who, if i'm not getting the attention and time i need in a relationship, i'm not going to be in that relationship (which is why i broke up with my last boyfriend)…there's no point in being in a relationship if you're going to be alone.

    on another note…i was putting my daughter to bed ya'll and we were playing the "i love you more than" game…she said "i love you all the way to God"…she had me crying like a little punk ya'll…and on that note, goodnight family, see ya'll tomorrow.

  93. Okay… I normal don't comment I just read what is wrote. Yes I am the girl who wrote into SBM. LOVE the comments….LOL And honestly I wanted a guys opinion on my relationship. He might have seen something I didn't see. To clarify

    1. Yes I moved to Dallas to be closer… B4 I move back we discussed the fact of us being together. So when I move back to dallas we we're together. And my family business is in dallas

    2. We stayed together cause we had been through everything under the moon… ie death of a parent & friends

    3. He wasn't like this at the beginning it didn't start until 8 months ago

    4. He WASNT cheating… I know that for a FACT. no snickers from the crowd

    5. A man does not have to hit you to be mistreated. You can be emotionally or verbally mistreated please understand that.

    6. Who ever said it was about money… I got stacks. I have been working since I was 15. NEVER about the money. It was about spending time with someone you love & being respected something everyone wants from a relationship

    7. Who ever was talking about growth… it wasn't about a ring cause I am not ready for marriage. Im learning who I am

    8. I am not leaving him when he is down. At any point in a relationship you just realize its not worth anymore. Like I pointed out I stayed by him through alot and he the same for me. So I just finally listen to God and sent a text…LOL yes a text I didnt want to cry in person or over the phone

    Finally you read a snippet of what happen in my relationship. You can hang me for my words and think I am being rude. But this was my relationship. Trust there were highs and lows just like everyone else relationship. Yes I love him for what he has help me with and he loves me. I just wanted an opinion from a man that was not in the situation. So say what you want until you been in someone else shoes you really can't say what you would do. Thanks for listening and writing comments

  94. @Tasha-Hey girl, welcome. You're not wrong for what you did. This is your time to be selfish even if it means you have to cry a little…maybe in the future it might work.

    Welcome to the family!!!! Since SBM didn't do it…the Cindy Brady of the bunch will! 🙂 Argh SBM

  95. To clarify I asked SBM… so it was his opinion that I was looking for.

    I have the right to be defensive cause its my life. Like if I came up to someone and be like u aint no good. They have the right to state their side b4 I judge them

    hence why you don't judge a book by its cover

  96. I didnt think that ppl would so judgmental that's the best way to put it. all I wanted was guys point of view that wasn't tied to the situation

  97. @Jolie: She does have a right to be defensive. Hell … I get defensive at times when ya'll try and run my good name into the mud calling me all kinds of sumb*tches and B***h a$$ N****s and whatnot. And BTW … can't stand "hilare".

    @Tasha: This is always a classic issue with the letters I get. No one is going to get the full story and it does suck at times. I do wish these negroes coulda focused on the topic at hand a lil … but its all love. I don't think anyone really meant any malice towards you.

  98. Et al: If you feel you are too sensitive to criticism you many have been brought up believing that no one should ever say a bad word about you. More commonly however, people who are over-defensive have been criticized a lot in the past, and defensiveness has developed as a self-protection mechanism. In this case of course, you need to learn how to discern between an attack on you, and a complaint or instructive comment.

     

    FIN

  99. Tasha, no one was trying to be rude or mean. Honestly A couple of us have endured much worse that what you got today so consider you blessed chile!! Obviously we only judge one whats written on the blog no one person can ACTUALLY say what happen in your life because your right its yours, if you a true solider you take what we say either with a grain of salt or you can actually listen, everyone who has been here for a while has learned a thing or two even in the midst of kickin n screaming. So now that you have been initiated. Welcome to the family!!!

    END

    I seen the tyler perry movie and I agree with Shelia, while it was good it doesn't beat why did i get married he did try tho lol.

    I had something else to say but i cant remember what it was….

    oh yea can i get my chart comeback!!!

  100. I went back n put my sunny shades on (That i stole from comeback) and I have to say i kinda agree with what hasani is saying (Shocking right)

    but take a look at what he said just for a moment, dude isn't working…… for what ever reason she said 8 months, maybe he has been lookin for work. How can he really come see her when he has no gas money. She payin his bills but is she givin him extra to drive 30 minutes, a car note don't = gas right???

    and like Hasani said I think the dude actually speaks highly of her, I mean come one, what true mom will let u talk about how u playin somebody??? not no mom I know. Further more is she paying his bills voluntarily or is he asking? She could be offering up all the time to the point where he be like fugg it ok damn do what ever. That could actually be hurting his ego.

    Only reason I am thinkin all this is because the guy I am/was seeing is out of work 2 and has been for 3 weeks now. He came to me ONCE saying how he was looking for a job and I really did feel how he felt. I only gave him money as a thanks for letting me stay with him but I know anything beyond that might have been insulting and I could tell by the look on his face he didn't want no woman giving him handouts.

    I am starting to think MAYBE (DONT SHOOT ME CUZ I COULD BE WRONG) but maybe he hasn't been in touch because he is stressed about not working or embarrassed….

    hasani, SBM, humble, anti, eathan, hough jazz, how would you feel being unemployed for a long amount of time wouldn't that take its tole on you??? honestly??? not to say he is justified but really with my sunny shades on I kinda see it…….

  101. I think Comeback, Bree and MOst of all Tasha just cleared up everything for this H fellow…(I cant type the following letters for fear that I am giving to much credit to someone who I feels isnt up for the job)

    He just seems to have really been reaching….bringing up money as if she said he was a no good scrub who was living off her hard earned money…she stated the money as fact not as a reason for her concern…

    And then the reoccurrence of this term…Black Love….Where is the BLack Love …wah wahh….blah blah

    Cmon man this is a clear cut case of a man who is not willing to do the work to sustain his relationship..oh so she spose to be running up behind him all the time?? He can chill with his boys but cant come up with gas money ever? Then what the hell does he need a car for anyway?

    Yeah the brother unemployed but is he looking for a job or just laying on his ass, was he fired from his last job or did he quit? Does he have an education or seeking one? See none of this is brought up in your argument. Ok so he is claiming her and telling his friends about her…is this high school?

    Just cuz you say you love me all of a sudden Im your ride or die chick nevermind the fact that I hardly communicate or hear from you?

    Get a reality check brother….grow up and quit finding reasons for a woman to stay with a man who is clearly not that into her….

    A real man doesnt need a woman to pick him up and help him grow..he should be able to do that on his own…

  102. Hello Good People,

    Now that all you good people are resting in your beds, I on the other hand am just now ending my looooonnnnggg day. Nobody will probably read this comment, because you all will have moved on to a new day. But here are my two cents…

    I agree with you SBM, and also what is the question if she has already left the dude. My rule is if you have question a situation you already know what you should do. When she wrote this post she knew she was and needed to leave this guy. Glad she left him and hopefully will love herself more to only deal with men that love and appreciate her.

  103. Wow I can't leave yall alone for a minute…lol.

    Comeback the post is official now, the writer came out blasting about how we approached her letter.

    Dear Readers, if you send in a letter to SBM for advice, please know that he will not be the ONLY one giving said advice and it will more than likely be us, his blog family who will be the ones dissecting it slowly.

    Now with that having been said, Tasha girl let it go. He played you for the last 8 months of your relationship. It has happened to all of us to some extent. Some have had it worse(never in my adult life) and some have yet to experience it, but in the end what we said is all love.

    And no matter how many stacks you have you should NEVER have to take care of a man…NEVER! Especially if this negro isn't your husband…I mean what's that all about?!?! You can help a brother out a time or two if he's fallen on hard times, but this shit should NOT be reocurring.

    …and despite what you THINK, he was cheating…trust, there was plenty of opportunity, when a negro loses interest in one he finds it in another…he was driving that car somewhere while you were off working to pay for it.

  104. "80's said"
    You are missing the most important part he did mistreat her because he wasn’t spending that quality time with her

    It would be a 2 way street. when is she going to go see HIM?
    the pressure onus is actually more on her than him, because she drives and has money and we always know where he will be. IM amazed so many of you women are drawing fierce speculations about this guy that none of you know… but your basing it off your own bad experiences.

    Money was brought up constantly… why else is paying the 120 car note for his hoopdie even RELEVANT in the conversation?

    even in her follow up its about doe… she has "stacks" of money, a family business… yet with all the money its an issue to cover your mates 120 car note? Im not seeing it…. you DO know your talkin to a man who has put TWO women through college right? and Im about to pay for a third if she smartens her ass up and goes to the school I tell her to.

    but seriously, emotional mistreatment??? sounds like an excuse in all honesty. you can do better in mate selection.. you can find a man who will give you more, look better and offer you more time and you hve to cover less $ and it be a better situation over all. as a fine black woman you are worth it and should get it…..

    but ditchin yo man who has rode out with you just so you can get it?
    nah, I cant co sign. and if I met a woman like this on a first date I would be tempted to dog her out.. just to even the scales of justice because that black man could have just as easily been me.

  105. no way in hell was a broke negro cheating. the women on this blog bring up money so much my bank account hurts… so what makes you think theres a black woman out there thats not in cyberspace that wants to screw a man with no money no home, no job, no love to give her (since he has a woman) and most of all NO SWAGGER.

    wanna know who was REALLY cheating??
    id check the person who all of the sudden bounced up out of the situation with no breaking point. a friend once told me, women are like monkeys, they wont let go of one branch unless they see another they are grabbing on to next.

    I highly doubt her bed is cold.

  106. OH SBM I need your birth month and day again.

    let me start here though it should crack everybody the FUYCK up and I'm not making any of it up.

    SBM
    5+5=10
    1+0-1

    LIFEPATH "1" THE LEADER

    "The 1 Life Path is someone who is self-motivated, independent, a hard worker. They have a fierce competive desire to be the best, and almost always succeds. Unfortunatley , they never believe they're as good as they really are, because of their "inner bully". They are extremely critical of themselves, and expect others to live up to their incredibly high standards. If they are disappointed they are quick to judge."

    The Life path 1 can get involved with all kinds of people and business schemes, even those that prove disaterous-and walk away unscathed. ***DAMN*** knowing exactly who they are. Jack Nicholson comes to mind because as often as we hear that "Bad Boy Jack" has done something wrong, everyone contues to love and forgive him. The 1's need for indviduality is enormous. They are pioneers, innovators, unique, and capable of great success. The 1 Life Pahts are an asset to other numberse because they are the people who will push you to strive for excellence. You are very likley to achieve your goals because it is so inpsirint to watch the 1 with their careless quest for perfection."

    It is difficult for the 1s to ask for help becausse they want to handle the problem their own way. When the 1 Life Path makees up their mind on how they are going to take care of a situation, ths nearly impossible to talk them out of it. If you are a 1, try to listen to others from time to time.

    Others may see the 1 Life path as egotistical or domineering but thats not really where the 1 is coming from ***whatever. LOL*** The 1 is just clear on who they are and strong when it comes to offering an opinion. If the 1 feels they are doing well, you will know by the look of joy on their face. The 1 Life path can be very generous, but if they feel that they have been decieved in love or business. Look out they are ruthless.

    1 Vibration needs to be managing in some way-if not running the entire company. They make great entrepreneurs and inventors because of their self-motication. They are often known for having healing hands so massage therapy, reflexology, or acupunture are fields they could also excel. Other fulfilling occupations are writer, restaurant owner, store owner, trial lawyer, military officer, farmer or anything that calls for independant action and decision making.

    Famous 1=David Letterman (compatile life path numbers (1,5,7,3,9)

  107. not to drag this on, but i was in the same situation as homeboy. I got out of cawledge, couldn't find a job, and had a girl i was dating….

    I will say that those months were some of the worst of my life. Situationally – not intellectually though, it was probably the most creative part. Being hungry makes you creative

    I know how he feels. I didn't feel like talking to my girl, cause really I felt like shit. I didn't feel worthy of being with a lady that treated me so great, cause I couldn't return what she gave.

    She ended up leaving me. That gave me the spark to get my shit together and ever since then, stuff is going up up up! haha…We still speak, and she understands.

    dumping him by text was kinda bad though…

  108. Birthday number =9

    The 9 Birthday is "preceived" as a people person. People look to you for advice, strangers ask you for directions. Everyone is quite sure the 9 bithday can appear as being condecending and must watch their delivery when communication. The 9 must establish healthy boundaries with their original family in order to stay happy and at peace.

    Attitude-7+2+7=16
    1+6=7

    With the 7 attitudes you dont get to know what they are thinking or feeling. They keep to tehmeslves and are introspective. The 7 attitude has no problem asking direct questions but will look at you suspicoulsy if you ask them even one. They can shut down and make you feel they are not remotely interested in what you are saying, but the joke is on you because they are the ulitmate observes.

  109. @Comeback: While I didn't read a$$hole in there … I must say I am now a believer. I don't actually believe I encompass all the leadership qualities of a 1 (which is funny that the chart said I would say that), but it does describe what I aspire to be.

    For the other numbers … can't argue them either.

    Like I said … I am a convert … where can I learn more?

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