Home Dating & Relationships Marriage Where is my Dowry?!?!?!

Where is my Dowry?!?!?!

298

Chivalry and the “old school way” of dating are hot topics here at SingleBlackMale.net.  Apparently there are a lot of women lurking in the comments section who yearn for the old school chivalry (which is dead) that used to be so prevalent.  They want to reminisce …

Well … SBM wants to live in the times of yore too!

What ever happened to a Dowry?

The good people at Merriam-Webster tell me that a dowry is:

2: the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage
3: a gift of money or property by a man to or for his bride

Shhhhheeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttt!  Sign me up!!!!!

From what I gather, the family of the bride would pay the husband a price for taking their child off their hands.  They essentially would pay him for having to feed, care, and clothe another individual for the rest of their life.  While things have changed a lot nowadays and woman are very capable of contributing to the household now … shouldn’t we still get broken off just a little bit for the fact we have to actually settle down now?  Can I get a little change for having to watch Desperate Housewives now?  Shouldn’t I be compensated for having to go see romantic comedies that I hate so dearly?  What about admitting I’m wrong when I’m not?  Its only fair … right …

See Also:  The Government, Child Support, and Backwards Thinking

Another tradition I don’t feel is commonly practiced goes into paying the wedding.  At topweddinglinks.com we see what the Bride’s Parent’s take care of:

The Bride’s Family typically pays for:
The costs of the reception.
The Bride’s Wedding attire/trousseau
Invitations, announcements, thank you notes
The seating assignment chart, napkins and mailing costs
Photographer
Videographer
Ceremony costs
Bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer flowers and accessories
Transportation for bridal party on Wedding day from ceremony to reception.
All gratuities for all services: parking, security
Bridesmaid luncheon

Since no man plans their own wedding … seems fair … right.

So … I ask ya’ll … good people of SBM.net … WTF happened to the Dowry?!?!?  Can a brotha get paid for getting married!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. … I’m just messing with ya’ll.  FInding my Future Nubian Princess and finally being completed by someone is payment enough.  But best believe … if they’re offering … I’m taking!

P.S.S. … I defintely am not trying to pay for my wedding though.  F*** that … her parents can bang that one out.  Mine got the honeymoon!

Comment(298)

  1. this is the statement I have used to confuse and baffle every woman who has tried to get uppity with me in the past few months and blame it on "chivalry" and "tradition"

    they usually get frustrated because most brothas they run into arent learned enough to know about full rules of knightlyhood. It will usually turn a woman on and get you points to calmly break her down as to why she is wrong. and any woman who would refute the logic that "thats dumb" when she just claimed to support chilvary and tradition… is not the type of woman we as fine single black men want around us anyway. because what they actually belive in is supporting themselves.

    as far as a wedding. no way in hell at 31 am I or my family paying for a wedding. a womans dad should be happy as hell you are taking his daughter this late in the game.
    my brother just made our like a bandit. He bought his wife a 16,000 engagement ring (nigga only makes 50,00 a year mind you) our family threw a dinner party for the engagement (at moms house) and her family covered the 50,000 wedding and rehearsal dinner with open bar, and brunch the next morning.
    he married into an italian family though, so I can only imagine what was stuffed in all those envelopes.

  2. the groom (not the grooms family) has to pay for all 3 rings though.
    the woman actually "Traditionally" makes out like a bandit because she never spends a dime of her own money, its his, his family and her father and mother who do all the spending.
    which would be silly in black culture seeing as now the women of our generation out earn us brothas.
    as for the dowry… who said its gone? WHITE people… still have stuff like this. black people may be rich but one thing I am starting to see is we dont have wealth… like the stuff you can pass on.

    For instance… by brother sean marries a woman and is given a house… so now they have two.

    and Im not talkin about rich white families, Im talkin about the middle class ones. its a trickle down effect from slavery imo.

    I wanna grab up a well off white woman and see how large of a "gift" we get from her family.

  3. I dont think women should have to buy their men with a dowry. also traditionally dowries were used in arranged marriages which means I was getting a quality man who would do right with my dowrie by investing it and in the event of a divorce i would get my original stake/dowry back.

    So uh,.. if i had a dowry i think half the men around wouldnt have a fuggin chance ya know why cause their financial acumen is fugged, they dont bring shat to the table in which they would somehow be an asset to the marriage and my parents would actually agree to pay this fool a dowry. DOWRies dont work in modern society SBM because there are more VIABLE women than men. SO maybe MEN should now have to pay dowries? yup they should.. or is that SIMPIN? lol

    FYI: your a certifiable MESS

  4. thanks jolie…i was just about to let dem fools know…dowry's were exchanged in arranged marriages. Especially in England when men and women of the court betrothed their children to the children of other nobles from adolescents. It also happened in many African countries where the families decided who would wed their children and often involved lengthy negotiations. Now, if any of you would like George W. Bush to select your wife or for your mother and father to negotiate with some young lady's parents to select a wife for you like a business deal, then fine, you shall have your dowry.

    In regards to the wedding…I'm a traditionalist and I think it's only right that my dad pay for my wedding. But, since these days most of us make way more than our parents…it seems most couples who are thinking of getting married start saving up for it. I'm fine with that, considering all my parents have done for me up to this point.

    P.S. SBM you is a fool!

  5. I agree with the ladies' previous reply.. I'm thinking a dowry is for arranged marriages.

    As for my husband, whereever he's hiding, prayerfully we'll be able to save and plan for our own wedding. I don't like to rely on others to do stuff for me. 🙂

  6. "Apparently there are a lot of women lurking in the comments section who yearn for the old school chivalry (which is dead) that used to be so prevalent. "

    no you didn't !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    but for real. Dowry's do still exist. My old Indian friends and work buddies talk about it ALL THE TIME much of it is cermonial, but alot of it is still very much financial. I think its important that when we mention things we put it in its proper context. And in the context of ARRANGED MARRIAGES (Nicki is right) and antiquated financial systems. You are right when a woman left her family's home she became no financial burden to her own family and more of one to her husband. But also the wife's family was INVESTED in the vitality of their marriage BECAUSE THEY HELPED and CONSTENTED TO THE CHOICE.

    Why should there be a dowry where we all choose our own mates (and thank God to that, I've seen the kind of men my mother and the rest of my family would LOVE FOR ME TO MARRY). Why should there be a dowry when there is nothing really invested by either families in today's contemporary unions. They;re easily dissolved and there is much less at stake.

  7. I think the dowry is a good idea for women looking to be sponsored. If a woman has princess syndrome a dowry must be paid. The independent woman that is bringing something to the table, looking for and equal partnership, and wants to share in the responsibilities has to pay nothing. In matter of fact some men should pay them. Now the women that run away from responsibility, have princess syndrome, and are looking to be sponsored should have to pay a dowry.

  8. Whew sometimes you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

    Chivalry might be desd but I see some good men in this blog that can start a movement to bring it back and then maybe then the father's of women might think of breaking you off a little something.

    AS for you Humble, bringing something to the table, imho, has a replaced a dowry. Let's say you could have gotten 3 goats, 2 pieces of gold and a 2 room house…and now you sitting at the table with somebody who is putting 150k on it. Then what? Isn't that dowry enough that she has your back and your bills are paid?

    @Comeback-Where's my chart girl? I might need that cause due to some circumstances I almost offed somebody last night…I wonder if it's in my true character.

    @Teacia-Good looking out on bowing out.

    @Nicki-Hey girl, so nice to see you here!

    @Bree-Do you have a budget yet? Does Dad know? One of my friends is setting hers for 200k…hard out here for a Daddy…

    @Jolie-Man…I'm just shaking my head over here…oh and P.S. I love you?

  9. This post reminds me of a book I want to read called "I Don't: A Contrarian History of Marriage" by Susan Squire. It's about the history of the institution of marriage and how originally it had nothing to do with love, but rather for financial and paternity purposes (gotta make sure your legal heirs are actually yours…. they didn't have Maury to help them out back then). Then also back in the day it was impossible for a woman to support herself, so men did have to take women off their families' hands so they didn't get stuck feeding this person for the rest of their lives. Only in (relatively) recent times has love been the driving force behind marriage. (I wrote a blog about it…. wanna hear it? Here it go: http://adventuresindivorce.wordpress.com/2008/09/

    But yea, this is a nice little fantasy concept…. just like the fantasy of having a husband that can actually support the entire family and I don't have to go work 70 hours a week and earn 75% of the income, AND still try and make him feel like the man of the house (which is a job in and of itself).

    Hell, I should've been paid a dowry for taking my Ex of his momma's hands…. he was an expensive naggi to feed. But he's the next woman's problem now…. went straight from his momma's house to mine to hers. And the circle of life continues…..

  10. @Anesidora-You know you're right. Women, especially black women, are doing the damned thing these days. AND we see more crap like yesterday's post. Used to be women left the father's went to their husband's and eventually their sons and now it seems men are doing it and being in rare form.

    @Comeback-No problem chick…do what you can dearie!

    Man, I just wanna do the biblical thing…a helpmeet…meet me HALF way. And I don't care how much gas costs.

  11. INCORRECT… dowry was NOT used in arranged marriages.
    where would you come up with that ? that is nowhere near european , anglo or any type of knighthood culture.
    either your making it up or you school teacher should be shot…. twice.

  12. the men of this blog wouldnt need to start a movement to bring back chivalry and a dowry. I am perfectly fine with the current state of men and women being equals and will look forward to the day when we are complete equals and women wont have to use the "help me im a woman " crutch either… knowing my god daughter will be able to do anything in the world she wants and do it with pride as the black woman she is.

    but the dowry is irrelivant…..if we black men actually only wanted money we would marry white.

  13. @Jac…nope, don't have a budget, don't have a man. I don't expect my father to pay for my wedding. Like I said, I make way more than my parents and they've done enough for me up to this point. Me and the lucky man of my dreams will do our best to save up for our happy day (once I meet him of course) and if my parents decide to chip in, that's a bonus. My dad will, however, be officiating my wedding for the free and he may even get someone to do some free videography (he does that as a sidehustle).

  14. "In India, the practice is still very common, in arranged marriages and in rural areas as it is widely recognized as a Traditional Ritual of Marriage. Demanding dowry is prohibited by law as of 1961 but these laws are highly misused, including mothers and sisters being arrested without investigation. More information can be found by searching for the phrase "IPC 498a.""

    —–

    somebody needs to stop using video games as their reference for cultural "phenomenons" that have been documented for forever.

  15. @Comeback-Tell it girl….And don't native Americans do some form of a dowry as well? Can you find out?

    @Bree-I hope it works well for ya girl…finding a man at all, I mean…When you find him can you let me know where he and his brothers are (other than this blog-cause they're good, but hurt especially that one).

  16. they have dowries in present day Thailand for arranged marriages as well where the man pays the woman..

    HNIC: where do you get your history from? Just a question. Wait nevermind. Pretend I never addressed you.

  17. i was talking to my ex about marriage. I asked her how much the ceremony would cost

    "oh it should be about 50-75,000"

    Is that for real?

  18. @whyso: Good Lord. Tragically I think some people put more value on the ceremony than on the institute of marriage itself.

  19. $50,000 to $75,000!?!?! Seriously? when I start hearing numbers like that it just makes me want to go to the courthouse. I mean, as a woman (and girly girl at heart) I want the pomp and circumstance…but as a person in finance…that's a lot of money out the window. that is a downpayment on a VERY nice house. That's an Acura TL paid for! That's my kid's college tuition…I mean, dayum.

  20. I say do a destinatation wedding … its a win win .. and cheaper.. and the people who really wanna come to your wedding come and make it their vacation and your wedding all at the same time.

  21. I hate to think about costs. And I agree with bree in its proper perspective you could put that money to better use.

    damn…but however… for a "destination wedding" off of like one of the GA islands, with rich gullah history, everybody staying on the island in quaint little cottages, flowers, 5 course meals with vegetarian substitutes, hand made vera wang gowns, an orchestra, Lalah Hathaway, doves (who return back to their home), our bands (not conflict diamonds), spectatular cake flown down from NYC (i can't think of that famous lady baker)…75k might be shooting a little low.

    not that I've given ANY of this ANY thought

  22. Nice piggy back on the topic of chivalry.lol. I was actually thinking about this last week. The wedding really ain't for the dude at all. The chick is the one that goes all goo goo for it. I kinda think her family should be responsible for a large bulk of the finances on that. I'll help with the "planning"…and the pricey a$$ rings. *shutters*

  23. UH comeback .. i was thinking more of destination wedding with an all inclusive theme.. for those who get married young and dont have the funds..

    BUT i'm getting married in St. Kitts.. aww lovely..

  24. Rants (and yes it's Tuesday). They are remodeling my office and have been for over 2 weeks. (If they stopped disappearing so damn much they'd get something done.) I have been temporarily relocated to the back HOLE IN THE WALL…. one of the attorneys (jack ass he is) rides his bike in and has put it in here with me! Seriously I'm so sick of these F'ED UP PEOPLE WHO THINK of NO ONE but themselves. I do not want to have to stare at your crotch rocket all damn day. And it's bad enough that I'm stuck back here in the hole in the wall, do you seriously think I want your sweaty ASS BIKE PARTICLES up in here with me.

    I swear.

    Jesus please hold my mule today.

  25. Wow…see what you ladies are talking about is reasonable but 150k-200k on a wedding…I wanna slap my friend…now other friend is trying to go destination to PARIS I tried to tell her to go to church and buy a house.

  26. Why So Serious: ""i was talking to my ex about marriage. I asked her how much the ceremony would cost

    “oh it should be about 50-75,000″"

    I hope she meant 50-75,000 pesos.

  27. Ritz Carlton on Amelia Island(north of Jax), no fuss no frills except there will be a fuss and there will be plenty of frills. 2.75 carat single stone with a 1 carat wrap in 6 prong Tiffany setting, platinum band,

    Piccione Dress: http://www.piccionebridal.com/index.cfm?fuseActio

    Ummm yeah did I leave anything out…Michael Buble flown in to sing my favorite wedding song, and the rest is minor. But I'm marrying rich, so cost won't be an issue.

  28. Interesting post SBM, you have an funny way of thinking. I agree with Jolie(#4) and Bree (#5) and Humble (#10). I think it is based on the relationship also. I don't think money should be such an issue for relationships like it is. One thing I find interesting about this topic(money) in the comments section(on previous post) is that, it APPEARS everybody seems to feel at some point money holds more weight than emotions. Maybe I am off, because its way to early in the morning for me.

    @Why so serious:I see why she is an ex…lol That is ridiculous amount of money for a damn wedding ceremony . I have never thought about being married until over the past year or so. The last thing I want to think about is putting together a wedding ceremony that would cost that type of money. I could never imagine spending that type of money on one DAY. I thought a good rate was like 3k-5k until my best friend that is getting married informed me its much more. It's weird what people pay for.

  29. @ Teacia: 2.75 carat single stone with a 1 carat wrap in 6 prong Tiffany setting, platinum band,…Damn I don't know what the hell this means. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about jewelry, so my future husband could buy my ring from the pawn shop and I wouldn't know the difference and probably wouldn't care. Can you explain what all that means about a ring please…:)

    Love the dress! Can you plan my wedding? Apparently, all girls have thought about these things for years. Some my friends have been looking at wedding stuff years before ever getting engaged. I just want to say 'I Do' and move on with my life…lol

  30. Good Morning folks!

    @ Why so – yes, a dreamy wedding can cost that and more – just watch TLC (the learning channel) or Bravo. I think they reported the flowers at Bey and Jay's wedding at $5,000 or so.

    @ Nicki – you out of order with that rant on a tuesday. lol.

    @ SBM – go to Africa if you're looking for a dowry – the quality of women is probably a lot better too.

    I want my parents to pay for my wedding – my fiance and I will chip in for the little niceties. Nowadays even bridal parties have to kick up money – I do not think that's fair. If you ask me to be in YOUR wedding, why am I paying for a dress that I will never wear again?

  31. @Ms. Devereux: " I don’t know anything about jewelry, so my future husband could buy my ring from the pawn shop and I wouldn’t know the difference and probably wouldn’t care"

    This is also me.

  32. @Jolie: yes mam, i saw that dress early this year and tore it out of the bridal catalog(while trying on my bridesmaid's dress), and put it in my "wedding" folder. i even took a pic with my camera and emailed to myself just in case that folder went missing.

    and hell, the reality is that i like money, i'm attracted to powerful men with money and they're attracted to me…i might as well stop fighting it…PTA here i come!

    @Jac: what?!?!?!…i didn't do nothin'

    @Ms. Dev: ok so yeah carats is how big it is, 2.75 is kind of sizeable but not too gawdy. it will sit upon Tiffany's now famous 6 prong setting(it use to be 5), and the band will be platinum…color and clarity are also very important but i won't get into that on here.

    …just know that traditionally the ring is supposed to cost at least 3 month's salary but no less than 2 month's.

  33. @Teacia : …just know that traditionally the ring is supposed to cost at least 3 month’s salary but no less than 2 month’s…ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Why the hell does it need to cost that much? Is that some type of rule? Who the hell set that rule? Do rings really cost that much?

  34. The best part about dating/marrying rich is that there are no qualms about wedding costs or anything else for that matter, their favorite phrase is, "whatever my baby wants"…man i miss those words. *sigh*

    And if this makes me a gold-digger, well then…i'll be that and then some.

    @Ms. Dev: LOL…yes mam, not sure who set it and frankly I don't care, but if you ask any jeweler they will tell you the same.

  35. @Ms. Devereaux: And I plan to stay that way. In this instance, ignorance is bliss. I have enough to worry about. LOL. 🙂

  36. lol @ a wedding

    i dont want a big fancy wedding and stuff really..yeah they are pretty..but cost too much..i do like receptions tho..thats the real fun

    lets go away to jamaica and get married on the beach and go out dancing and then go to the hotel and umm…pray :)(aiming this at no one inparticular)

    Ion know…I thought about it..and while in the back of my mind i would like to get married (again)…realistically im not pressed …

    Im cool

    Big weddings are for stepfords anyway …lol

  37. "now, I'm sayin' she a gold-digger, but she ain't messin with no broke, broke"

    Are there even any men who have a dream wedding? I would like to hear that one. I was watching Luke's new reality show and he and his fiance are planning their wedding…when interviewing the videographer/photographer – he asked if they shot pornography because those guys can get tight shots. when asked how he wanted his groom's cake decorated – he wanted a stripper pole on it.

  38. Thanks Comeback…I HEART that dress and will pitch a fit if I don't get it. The cost is reasonable though, only about $1500 and for a dress like that, that's a STEAL!!

  39. I am a STEPFORD.. thanks…

    and I wanna David Yurman engagment ring..

    I've been engaged before.. the ring was worth about 23k .. was he simping .. hahahahah no .. he wasnt.. he knew my worth.. I'm with TEACIA ..

  40. @True2me: consider me a stepford all day…sh*t i'm tired of faking the funk, for real for real. You don't necessarily have to be wealthy today, but you at least need a 5 yr plan to getting there, that you are CURRENTLY executing. I'll gladly ride that wave with you!

    Love is overrated…that mess gets you nowhere but heartbroken.

  41. Stepford?

    *raises hand* Present.

    The wedding is the show for everyone else really. I love entertaining/hosting and want people to come out saying "that was a cold @ss wedding dog" or something like that.

    @ Tea – since you are marrying rich – can I come to your wedding? I want that lobster and shrimp.

  42. You do get a Dowry. Women know that men just got one cup, one dish and two towels. My BFF was buying stuff before marrying her husband. That was in olden days or third world countries. In India, some of the mens families use to threaten the brides family with outrageous gifts. Then kill the bride if her family couldn't come up their demands. That is some HAM! Most men don't have showers that give them things for setting up a home. Bridle get money and gifts and Bachelors just get ass shoke in their face. If your boys would grow up and do stuff like helping your homey be a good husband rather than a unhappy fool, marriage will be all good. Dowry or not.

  43. @Teacia: Good luck with that search. I got my wedding and everything planned out alredy.

    3 carat Cubic Zirconia in a White Gold Setting

    Wedding Dress from wherever … cause I aint paying for it.

    Destination Wedding to my mom's house as my childhood minister hooks it up in the back yard.

    And a luxurious honeymoon at the best Hotel 6 money can buy.

    I'll be sure to send you some pictures if you send me some back.

    @Why So: Thats f*cking nuts. That was more than the down payment on my house.

    @Ms. Dev: What is this 2 month's salary mess? Honestly, I still can't for the life of me understand the point of an expensive wedding ring besides letting every other reggin know that "this is mine"!

  44. @Cuzzo: Africa got better quality? I'm looking for an international project right now!

    @Ms Taylor: Welcome to the fold. And the wife buying stuff for the house doesn't count. She isn't buying that stuff for her man, she is buying it because SHE wants to make sure there are dishes in their house. Also … isn't that stuff meant for gift registries???

  45. That dress is 1500?????? WOW

    True…what is it with you and Stepford???? LOL All big weddings arent created the same. If my guests dont come away with a history lesson and maybe a renewed interest in Gullah people (and maybe some land buying) i will consider myself a failure. LOL

  46. @Comeback (#15): Yes, just a little. 🙁 I'm still recovering from my divorce, thus the reason I channel it all into my blog. Finances and marriage is still a sore subject with me for reasons I'm not going to get all into here. Peep the blog if you're interested: http://adventuresindivorce.wordpress.com/

    Re: wedding cost: My next wedding WILL be destination so I can make sure I get my honeymoon this time, dammit. To hell with everyone else… I'll bring back the video. I personally do not want to spend tens of thousands of dollars on what amounts to a spectacle for everyone else. And rings…. I'm still internally debating on the whole blood diamond thing and I'm not even sure if I want a diamond this time around. Diamond size expectations have gotten out of control in my opinion, too. Or perhaps I'm just jaded because I essentially bought my own ring (joint credit card) and this naggi stole it from me and CLAIMS he threw it away, so maybe I'm just subconsciously hating on folks who can and will get nice rings from their mens.

    I apparently have issues today…..

  47. Hello MsTaylor, welcome to our outrageous blogfest…partying round the clock of course!!

    Cuzzo: you know you getting an invite, doesn't your fam have a 5 yr plan…lol. anyways my ENTIRE blog family will be invited, including uncle fester.

    Jolie: trust that negroes knows!

  48. Comeback: yes mam, well something like less than $1799 but still not much difference…and i expect an invite to the cultural festivities as well.

    SBM: i'll gladly send you pics of what you missed out on…and the search will PROMPTLY begin in T-6 days!

  49. Ms. Devereaux: "@Teacia : …just know that traditionally the ring is supposed to cost at least 3 month’s salary but no less than 2 month’s…ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!"

    Yep, that's what they say, three months salary. I have no issue with that, but I'm still recovering from the 50-75K wedding statement. I'm not spending a year's salary on one day. A woman can be a princess for cheaper than that.

    Breelicious: "$50,000 to $75,000!?!?! Seriously? …That’s an Acura TL paid for!"

    I drive a 2006 Acura TL and they're cheaper than that. That is why that $50-75K figure is so ridiculous. I can buy a luxury car, throw in a Ford Focus as a chaser and still have money left over with that much money; and someone wants me to pay that much for a wedding? Please.

  50. I think the 50-75k is an important discussion. Becuase if you have a hard time wrapping your head around a wedding costing that much, than surely you can't have that great a time wrapping your head around building a successful business, real estate, land buying/development, idea generation and excecution.

    which is why you have to watch the conversations people have ABOUT money. You can tell just how small people think when it comes to things like these…and they usually don't just stop at building TRUE sustainable wealth.

    if my man is thinking like a slave…then maybe he ought not be my man. Of course there maybe some sticker shock, but to say its non-negotiable lets me know hes a small thinker from the gate.

    ***collects wet blankets and goes back to work.***

  51. @SBM: HA!!! At your wedding. Yeah the 2 months salary thing is ridiculous.

    @ Hugh: Why would you pay that much for a ring? I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I don't wear jewelry. I don't even have my ears pierced for that matter. I just don't get it.

    So whenever I get engage I will come here and let all the women of SBM.net plan it for me. Just tell me where I need to be and what time. Thanks ladies!!

    I need to do this damn paper!!! I hate that I procrastinate so much.

    Black Men Appreciation Day is tomorrow… SPREAD THE LOVE FOLKS!!!

  52. @ Comeback – one of my cousin's married a woman who's fam is from the Gullah ppl. I didn't go to the wedding but there was no cultural infusion of tha from what I've seen – they wed on a beach at a resort in Antigua. My cousin's thinking was more like this: we're going here to get married, if you want to see it, buy a ticket.

  53. "if my man is thinking like a slave…then maybe he ought not be my man. Of course there maybe some sticker shock, but to say its non-negotiable lets me know hes a small thinker from the gate."

    and the CHUUCH said AMEN

  54. Ms Dev: I feared this would happen, but i'm not much for appreciating their asses all that much these days…so you're going to have to continue the movement with one less soldier.

  55. @ Ms. Dev – you never thought about your dream wedding? The dresses, the ring, the flowers, the song you'll dance to, how your hair will be, the colors – it's very involved.

  56. @SBM: uh fugg off! Maybe visiting your site and reading your posts is starting to rub off on my grammar and my punctuation. You stop worrying ABOUT ME and worry ABOUT you 🙂 said with all the love in the world (leans over desk and pukes)

    additionally, i had to read your insult about 5 times to comprehend the meaning

  57. @ Cuzzo…I want mine with tons of fusion. A huge celebration of past and present and everybody's going out of there with signed land deeds to protect its future. Hell at the reception I may even invite a black developer to pitch some design and development with artistic renderings.

    I enjoy reading these, because you definately see the capacity when reading some of these. And not to pass judgement, but dreaming is free. An idea started first as a dream. And some of you (with the exception of those tryna be funny having destinations and mama's house) are dreaming too [email protected] small.

  58. Ms. Devereauz: "@ Hugh: Why would you pay that much for a ring? I just don’t get it."

    To tell you the truth, I have no good reason. I always heard that a wedding ring should be three months salary, so that's what I plan on spending.

  59. Jolie Fatale: "@hugh: your hilarious .. and the only man that makes sense on here. hmmm..(looks up jobs in milwaukee)"

    You have a black man blushing in front of his computer.

  60. and Jolie let's not forget he's a "personal" trainer, ready and willing to train that azz!!! whew girl, i'll go half on your ticket out there…lol.

    Ms Dev: ain't nothing wrong with me…just don't feel like smiling and telling them how great they are, when i currently have mixed feelings about the whole lot of them, not just one in particular.

  61. I've had a friend not be able to invite (additional) people to her wedding because of costs. I don't want to have to do that. Hell, I would invite some of my school teachers if I could.

  62. I'm just in an emotional funk…there's a lot going on in my life these days, and dammit it would be nice if someone told me how great i was for a change instead of diminishing all the efforts i make(and im not limiting this to just men).

    I lack the ambition or the mental fortitude to even put up such a front tomorrow. I generally try to show my appreciation year round…so I may sit this one day out, but who knows…my mood changes with the tide.

  63. @ jolie – I know, right? The reception is the best part. The ceremony is beautiful and all but people are just waiting to eat, mingle and cut a rug. Let's be real – that's what celebrations are about.

    Come to think of it – how many people would go to church every week if they didn't serve dinner afterwards? j/k (my church doesn't serve dinner, so I don't count) Mom's used to make sunday dinner after church faithfully – *sigh* miss those days.

  64. I agree with Jolie

    re: weddings has ANYONE every been to an Indian wedding. They are off the CHAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN. One horse alone is prolly several hundred bucks an hour. And the food, the design….

    and they dont come cheap. And many of them go back to India and then have a US weddign too.

  65. @why so serious?

    "i was talking to my ex about marriage. I asked her how much the ceremony would cost

    “oh it should be about 50-75,000"

    Seriously do you know what I can do with that much money. Does she realize how much more she and her mate can do with that type of bread. I could take that money and buy a building for my business with my brother. Hell thats a mint 1969 Mustang Mach I with a 428.

  66. I'm good…just having a bad week I guess. That's why my tail should have just sat quietly in the corner today. Let me get some work done.

  67. @Hugh: Man … 3 months my ass. Get on this cubic zirconia bandwagon. I tell ya … if everyone does it then we'll have the traction we need to make it happen.

  68. dev:

    both…marriage and wedding.

    It seems risky. I guess when you find that woman that shoots yellow moons, orange hearts, yellow stars and green clovers from her xxx, then makes you dinner, it's all worth it.

  69. "@Hugh: Man … 3 months my ass. Get on this cubic zirconia bandwagon. I tell ya "

    I'll be damn#ned…what happens when you at some women's tea party and the woman to your left has a nose for cut, color, clarity, and carat weight…well then Im coming home and beatin @zz for real.

  70. SBM: "@Hugh: Man … 3 months my ass. Get on this cubic zirconia bandwagon. I tell ya … if everyone does it then we’ll have the traction we need to make it happen."

    Everyone believes silly and illogical things, and it wasn't until Ms. Devereaux actually asked me why would I pay that much for a ring for me to actually think about it.

    Honestly, I have no logical reason whatsoever for thinking that. I don't know if I'll hop on the cubic zirconia bandwagon, but three months salary is a lot of money. There has to be a happy median.

  71. @Cuzzo
    "@ SBM – go to Africa if you’re looking for a dowry – the quality of women is probably a lot better too."

    Is that right? Please tell me more?

  72. ok, i had to skip alot

    @SBM..you is hilarious

    @teacia…nice dress…btw, stop with the domestic issues on the site, you always talking about how it's "your business" and not ours… ;-P Why is you having a bad day? hey, i need to talk to u about my bday weekend, i need to know if u plan on going to the game, im having a spa party during that time…hit me offline

    @Comeback "I think the 50-75k is an important discussion. Becuase if you have a hard time wrapping your head around a wedding costing that much, than surely you can’t have that great a time wrapping your head around building a successful business, real estate, land buying/development, idea generation and excecution." uhhh, i firmly disagree…the items you mention are all possible revenue generating INVESTMENTS…dropping 50K on land development should return you at least the risk-free rate, an equity risk premium, plus a premium for your own personal risk….that same 50K invested in a wedding is certain to return your a$$ some fresh bills…and not the kind you can spend…the kind that require envelopes and stamps. someone hesitant on dropping 50K on a wedding is probably aware of that.

    i'm talking all practical and what not…but i'm sure when it comes to my day, i'll want it to be very special…within reason though.

    as for the ring, don't gripe about it, it's an appreciating asset at the very least it will hold its value and can be passed down for generations…that's if you don't go to the pawn shop and buy it.

  73. Some good news today!!…finally:

    Congratulations! I am pleased to confirm your acceptance in The Washington Center's Campaign 2008: The Presidential Inauguration Seminar program. You are scheduled to participate in the following program:

    We are expecting to have programming from Sunday, Jan. 11 to Saturday, Jan. 17. You will have Sunday, Jan. 18, and Monday, Jan. 19 (Martin Luther King Jr. Day) free, with the inauguration and parade scheduled for Tuesday, January 20th. We will also allow you some time during the week to go to Capitol Hill to check in with your members of Congress. We have some exciting events planned for that week, and will do our best to make sure that you are aware of and have access to any public events that the inaugural committee has planned.

    ————————

    Only 500 students from across the country are chosen by faculty at their school and i'm one of them…whooo hooo. I'm kind of excited about having a backstage pass to possible history being made!

  74. ya'll my girl is prob just having a libra moment…our scales get tipped and we have no idea and it pulls us into a funk

    Teacia, you know exactly how amazing you are…and if you need to be told again, in detail, call me and I'll be happy to let you know. MMMUAAAHHH!!

    How's that for kumbahyah up in this biaatch! LOL

  75. @Hugh Jazz
    "I don’t know if I’ll hop on the cubic zirconia bandwagon, but three months salary is a lot of money. There has to be a happy median."

    Yeah, it's called a pawn shop.

  76. LOL…

    Hey…didn't any of you catch the message in the Sex and the city movie (gags at myself) ..all he needed was her..and she him..but she got caught up

    if I want to be truly united with my loved one…why would I waste our home home downpayment or potential business ownership money on a gaudy peice of jewelry and a celebration that is only goin to last 5 hours tops (meanwhile you still paying for it 10 years later..lol )

    i'd prefer a small ceremony with only close ones and a less expensive "symbol" of my commmitment to one man

    I'd rather spend that amount of money on something long term…it'd be a waste to spend that amount of money on satisfying my ego for a few hours

    but aha!!! we are tricked into believing that the only way to show people that you are commmitted is to waste money

    you are supposed to like that stuff because well..thats what people say

    you dont even really think about the wedding and costs and its benefits (none)….you just like it cause thats what you are taught

    its not even logical to spend all that money on a wedding and wedding stuff

    you could pay off a car with 23,000 dollars…pay for a couple years of college, put it into ur business, create a start on ur retirement

    I dont need to "show" or "prove" how much my man loves me by wasting a riduculous amount of money on frivilous things that wont even last…shoot..we could save that money for some dang counseling

  77. @Comeback: Honestly, anyone who thinks spending $50-$70K on a wedding lacks the acumen to be successful at business. That kind of rampant spending is what led to the death of hundreds of dot com companies. If you don't realize that a $10K wedding and a $40K down payment to a house, or the seed money for the next industry changing company.

    @Teacia: Don't be sad sweetheart. I'm sure there is someone out there who has been trying all day to put a smile on your face.

  78. @ Humble – lol, I cannot speak firsthand. It's an assumption. I'm not going to say why I assume as it may incite a culture riot.

  79. "@ Comeback: I was just invited to my friends wedding. They are Indian and Jamaican. The invitation alone was insane!"

    yeah my boss' invitation had GOLD on it. Its like art work.

    @ Teacia that is great Congrats.

  80. lol @ jolie getting "mad" over blog grammar…

    if he's like me..he has to hurry up and type whatever and dont have time to proofread…

    its not like he's writing an encyclopedia

    geez

  81. @humble…see #113…the ring is the one thing I actually care about…i don't want anyone going broke. But its an appreciating asset…plus, i could give it to my granddaughter one day…now i can't do that if it's CZ and the damn stone falls out, now can I?

    Congrats Teacia!!! and do as you please but when we comment on "your business" don't go getting all "ya'll must be so bored that you want to be all up in mine" and "i must be so important that ya'll want to discuss my buseinss" HAHA!! and wait…you're not coming for my birthday? RUFKM!! (deep sigh) our friendship is on time out until further notice! GRRRR!

  82. @Humble: It's not about the ring for me…. Mind you, I want a nice ring, but it doesn't have to be extravagant and/or gaudy. I'm a very modest girl and not much for jewelry. Hell, I have no rings on my fingers now, and my earrings are 95% of the time, studs of some sort.

    I've never taken a long into the jewelry department so I have no clue how much they can run… Some girls know exactly what they want, but not me. I want to be surprised (with something nice of course! I can't write the CZ train on this. LOL)

  83. @Cuzzo

    "I cannot speak firsthand. It’s an assumption. I’m not going to say why I assume as it may incite a culture riot."

    Incite! Incite! lol. I asked because my mother has told me this a few times. She never gave me a reason. I am just curious to why you would say that.

  84. "@Comeback: Honestly, anyone who thinks spending $50-$70K on a wedding lacks the acumen to be successful at business"

    I totally disagree. A 70k dollar wedding to a woman is just as important as a 70k Mercedes/BMW/Harley/vintage (fill in the blank). Either I get it now or at our 5 year anniversary, there really isn't much room for negotiation.

    Star (excluding the suspect man she married) had the ultimate idea, everything was for publicity. She sold photo rights, mentionings. But again its about perception. I would hope some very important peoople show up to my wedding. I've been told it would prolly be like a united nations meeting. Nations would sign peace agreements. Bsuiness deals would get made.

    …can't put a price on that.

  85. Boooooo @ the persons who try to down other persons who want a big, flashy, fancy, dream wedding.

    To each, his own.

    The wedding is a celebration of fulfilling one of the God's covenants – why wouldn't I want to celebrate to the fullest the way I see fit? We have parties for graduating, aging, and when pookie gets out of jail.

    shut dat ish up with ure cheap @ss.

  86. @Breelicious

    "the ring is the one thing I actually care about…i don’t want anyone going broke. But its an appreciating asset…plus, i could give it to my granddaughter one day…now i can’t do that if it’s CZ and the damn stone falls out, now can I?"

    That makes sense. I understand from your POV. I just don't understand the gaudy expensive rings. As far back as I can remember my parents never wore rings. But they have a house and started a business.

  87. There really is nothing wrong with either choice, going cheap or going expensive.

    People who don't have the funds, it is very possible to have a classy affair (can someone please send an anonymous email to my cousin with this sentiment).

    We all choose to spend our money in different ways…. some people like Gucci shoes, some people shop at Target and neither makes you any better of a person.

  88. @ Humble – your mother is wise, lol. I don't think you literally have to go to Africa – there are some African-born women here – or one's with parents that were born there.

    Did your parents meet in Ghana (is that where your dad is from if I'm remembering correctly)?

  89. Everyone: thanks guys…it was great news, and i'm SUPER excited!!!

    Bree: why you gotta bring up old ish…dang…and if you recall i was just being patronizing, those days are behind me. besides i wasn't even talking about him, i was talking about Alex's dad…you just assumed i was talking about him. he makes me want to go around stabbing negroes!!…lol.

  90. "Comeback “I think the 50-75k is an important discussion. Becuase if you have a hard time wrapping your head around a wedding costing that much, than surely you can’t have that great a time wrapping your head around building a successful business, real estate, land buying/development, idea generation and excecution.” uhhh, i firmly disagree…the items you mention are all possible revenue generating INVESTMENTS…dropping 50K on land development should return you at least the risk-free rate, an equity risk premium, plus a premium for your own personal risk….that same 50K invested in a wedding is certain to return your a$$ some fresh bills…and not the kind you can spend…the kind that require envelopes and stamps. someone hesitant on dropping 50K on a wedding is probably aware of that"

    @ Bree I disagree. I think I already addressed this but I'll address again. I want the best, because me and my very lucky man DESERVE it. This also assumes that I and or he has made some very major moves during our engagement and it will be invested into our wedding.

  91. as far back as i can remember there weren't any real traditions in my family…i'd like to start some and the passing down of the ring is a good one. i'd love for my grandson to give it to his wife.

    and i'm with cuzzo…for those that want a big a$$ party, so be it…for the folks who don't want to spend the dough…don't marry the aforementioned parties. and that's that.

    teacia…still thinking about how great your news is (sincerely)…and how tragic it is that you aren't coming on my bday…i haven't been this emotionally torn since the release of two versions of "whoop there it is"…*sigh*

  92. Crackin up at Bree's "i haven’t been this emotionally torn since the release of two versions of “whoop there it is”…*sigh*" LOL

    Listening to my Musiq Soulchild station on Pandora…. Very mellow. Great for today.

  93. @ Bree – lol @ the two versions of "whoop…" – who says that? are u talking about the use of "whoop" vs. "whomp"? *can't hear the 2nd version in my head, right now*

  94. ROTFLMAO!!!…Bree you STOOOOOPID, and you know i want to be there but it just may not feasable since someone isn't pulling their weight and forcing mommy to come to the rescue yet again. *sigh*

    Ms. Dev: you know i'm taking plenty of pics.

    SBM: thanks for the smiles ALL day…btw, you know you're great right.

    Oh and I'm SUPER excited about my news and want for ALL of you to be seething with envy knowing that I will be attending a private group meeting with the next president *fingers crossed for Barack* and also will be standing feet away while he's being sworn into office!!

    But most of the program will focus on a behind the scenes look at the change of administrations, and that will be no joke…and I can't wait!!

  95. Footsteps in the Dark- Isley Brothers! WOOO, this brings back memories. (not really, 80's baby.LOL) but it makes me feel good. 🙂

    I'll go back to bopping now.

  96. @Jolie: Man … there is hate in your heart. Gonna fault a female for being logical.

    @Comeback: I seriously doubt your business acumen if you think there is a financial justification for spending money like that on a wedding.

    @Cuzzo: How are we family? Damn … after u put me out there like that, then you promote these crazy weddings … *sigh*. I had so much hope for you.

    @true2me: I re-read it again and the tears of joy came again. I might have to put it up as a full post.

    @Teacia: You know I'm there for ya.

  97. 😉

    @ SBM – put you out there like what? calling u cheap? u call ureself that. I said to each, his own – I will be at Tea's wedding. Will you be there? lol

  98. Re: rings: Here's the happy medium: http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/ Lab created diamonds. They are exactly the same as diamonds (CZs have a different chemical composition) except for the fact that they didn't come out of a mud pit in Sierra Leon and some 10 year old boy didn't get his forearms chopped off in order for you to have it. I will be sporting one the next time around for socially conscious reasons ("conflict free" certifications are bullshit). And they are cheaper. DeBeers has special machines that can tell they are lab created, but otherwise they test the same as diamonds.

    Guys you can thank me for this tidbit later.

  99. @ Anesidora – the idea of the lab-created diamond is fairly new to me. I don't know how to feel about it yet. My mind is trying to compare it to lab-created food.

  100. @ Anesidora the pictures are pretty but diamonds don't just have to come out of Sierra Leone…aint no conflicts in Canada and Australia. I donno, i bet there is some old white lady somewhere who LONGS to bust your bubble with her eye-magnifier READY to tell you that your diamond was made in a lab.

  101. " SBM – put you out there like what? calling u cheap? u call ureself that. I said to each, his own – I will be at Tea’s wedding. Will you be there? lol"

    I always wanted to check them islands out off of FL. And see a hand made silk gown UP CLOSE and in person.

  102. @Anesidora: I know this is going to sound bad, but everything there is so uhhh…cheap. I'm not inspired just yet by any of them but I still have plenty site left to explore.

    @Cuzzo: he he he, just know that he'll be invited either way, be it guest or groom…i'm shooting for the latter but you know i gots a timeline and shat to think about…lol.

  103. @Cuzzo

    "your mother is wise, lol. I don’t think you literally have to go to Africa – there are some African-born women here – or one’s with parents that were born there."

    I know you didn't mean to actually go to Africa. lol. I have female cousins that were born here. Well, not here but Canada.

    "Did your parents meet in Ghana (is that where your dad is from if I’m remembering correctly)?"

    My mother met my father here in Detroit.

  104. @Anesidora: You are a godsend. That's it … I've decided … Lab created labs.

    After seeing Blood Diamond the movie and doing a report on it back in College … how can I buy something for the woman I love that cost a 10 year old his hands and some dad his son to a baby army!

  105. @SBM

    "After seeing Blood Diamond the movie and doing a report on it back in College … how can I buy something for the woman I love that cost a 10 year old his hands and some dad his son to a baby army!"

    I think some women could care less where the diamond comes from as long as it is big and took the national debt to buy it.

  106. lol…ok Comeback, yeah we all know that's not happening anytime soon. you love encouraging folks, have you ever thought about being a life coach?

  107. Look at how precise the Tifster is….Here are all the hidden flaws they exclude can the lab diamond people do that?

    Abrasions

    Black inclusions

    Chips

    Enhancements

    Excessive Fluorescence

    Excessively thick girdle

    Extra facets

    Fisheye

    Inclusions visible to the

    naked eye

    Knots

    Laser drill holes

    Misshapen facets

    Nailhead

    Naturals

    Off-center culet

    Off-center table

    Out-of-round girdle

    Pervasive clouds

    Polish lines and marks

    Scratches

    Significant graining

    Surface inclusions

    Table and girdle not parallel

    Wavy girdle

    @ Teacia…yes I have. But I want to fuse a whole bunch of stuff in my practice.

  108. @Comeback: "Conflict free" diamonds come at a premium (i.e. more expensive). And I've never, and don't plan on, having anybody scrutinizing my left hand that damn close. It takes special machines to detect lab created diamonds (not just the machines regular jewelers have), and DeBeers was even lobbying to make it a requirement that lab created diamonds be engraved to mark them as such because there is no other way to tell the difference. But it's the principle that I care about… its a way for me to have the traditional symbol of marriage while still giving the diamond industry the finger.

    @Cuzzo: I do internally debate whether lab created diamonds are "bootleg" (and I DESPISE bootleg anything… I'd rather have something else), but it's just like lab created rubies and sapphires and the like. Again, it's the principle…..

    @Teacia: It's the concept of the lab created diamond that I'm talking about…. not necessarily the ring designs on that particular site. You can but a loose one and set it in anything, just like a real diamond.

  109. @Anesidora: PREACH!

    @Comeback: You probably got that bullsh*t at DeBeers website or something. I bet you don't even care about the little kids with no hands. Suppose you had to buy the diamond from the kid directly? Could you look into his eyes?

  110. if you check the tape it was I who mentioned conflict free bands at my Geechee destination wedding. I care about the kids. I had this guy once TRY and convince me to go with him to Angola to move some "weight" (that sounds so JayZ) and flip it in Belgium..anyway I got standards and I like my life. And I want to live another day.

  111. @Comeback: " had this guy once TRY and convince me to go with him to Angola to move some “weight” (that sounds so JayZ) and flip it in Belgium..anyway I got standards and I like my life. And I want to live another day."

    Who the hell was he trying to be, Bonnie and Clyde? Good Grief.

  112. @Comeback

    " I had this guy once TRY and convince me to go with him to Angola to move some “weight” (that sounds so JayZ) and flip it in Belgium..anyway I got standards and I like my life. And I want to live another day."

    Smart move. If you would have got caught in Angola it would have been nothing nice.

  113. @Teacia…i'll be in Tally on Oct. 4th…i will find him and throw rocks at his forehead for you!

    @Comeback…we'll have to just disagree that $50K invested in a wedding is comparable to $50K invested in cash flow generating investments. Now, I'll agree that I'd love to be on my game enough to not worry about throwing away $50K on a wedding…but trust and believe that throwing it away is exactly what you're doing…no matter how great the party is (and I'm all about a great party).

    @Ane…hmmmm, lab created diamonds, huh. Pair that with a Tiffany's platinum band and voila!! Got yourself an heirloom!

  114. @Bree: that boy is in Orlando, but thanks anyways…lol. And think Anesidora is on to something. I just don't want to know, if I take it to a jeweler and they say it's a diamond then i'm satisfied, but I don't want to know it was lab created.

  115. Again I better be told that it's a diamond when I get it appraised(which i will do upon receipt), otherwise there will be some PROBLEMS!!

    And on another sidenote, I think i've found my FAVORITE make-up. I've tried everything from Prescriptives, Clinique, Mac, Lancome, Bobby Brown, Mary Kay, Cover Girl and many many more…but I've finally found it!!

    Make-Up Forever High Definition Foundation….lawdy Jesus I got it this weekend on my trip to Sephora to pick up a few Carol's Daughter products(for us by us) when I came across this $40 concoction and I LOVE IT!!! That and my Rx for Brown Skin fade cream to rid my arm of these mosquito bite marks that have turned all black on me.

    …just felt like sharing…Make-Up Forever is now the only foundation I will put on my face! ( i need to start charging for my advertisments(no "e" on purpose))

  116. …off to pick up the kid and then i'm skipping class, got another paper due tomorrow so i'm going home to finish that up instead.

    later yall. be easy.

  117. I have dated well off men since undergrad, so I never really considered cost of a wedding. BUT I really haven't given marriage or a wedding much thought. I have always said that I'd rather get married in a court house or just elope. Perhaps if we make it to 5 or 7 year mark of marriage, and have stacked our paper, and are debt-free, THEN and ONLY THEN, should we blow money on a big wedding. I'm cheap as hell, and could think of a plethora of other things we could do with our bread.

    I couldn't imagine being anywhere in my 30's asking my dad to pay for my wedding. I am more likely to ask for a piece of property or a sizeable down payment on a house. I wonder if he would laugh in my face OR laugh in my face. LOL!!

  118. @ Jac/Humble…Im a fearless byt#tch, but I aint reckless with my fear, while it may not be illegal, it most def IS dangerous and stooopid.

    @ Cuzzo LOL I see you don't love the kids!!!

    @ True..so are Greeks, Jewish folks, Africans, Indians…they're all just having big ole expensive weddings…Black American negros and non ethnic White people are just being Stepfords???? that sounds ……

    ***wishes funeral for your new word***

  119. @Jolie: Anyone ever tell you your bad sentences are a grammatical nightmare which is scores worst than my consistent misuse of “your”?

    “any of ever tell you .. you were SIMPLE .. and noT in a good way..”

    Even the capitalization is bad?

    LOL … and yes … I have!

  120. Why So Serious: “I’ve just realized something that may or may not be true…Marriage has no advantage for males.”

    Nope, not in these days. If you aren’t religious, I can’t think of a single reason why a man should get married because women will provide companionship and children without it. All risk, no reward. The family courts aren’t your friend.

    But being that I personally have religious reasons to get married, I’m not in that boat.

  121. come back girl said 22. The Comeback Girl
    September 16, 2008 at 9:07 am

    “In India, the practice is still very common, in arranged marriages and in rural areas as it is widely recognized as a Traditional Ritual of Marriage. Demanding dowry is prohibited by law as of 1961 but these laws are highly misused, including mothers and sisters being arrested without investigation. More information can be found by searching for the phrase “IPC 498a.”"

    —–

    somebody needs to stop using video games as their reference for cultural “phenomenons” that have been documented for forever.

    I dont like your disrespectful tone. I think you may need to REREAD the rules of this board as I am not here or was put on the earth for your smart ass mouth.

    but since you want to be synical…..

    I belive if you had ACTUALLY READ…
    Post #17 said…
    INCORRECT… dowry was NOT used in arranged marriages.
    where would you come up with that ? that is nowhere near european , anglo or any type of knighthood culture.

    I know you may not like or respect men and especially black men… but you could start on your "comeback" by actually beginning to read before you open that mouth.

  122. perhaps you need to use video games as your reference.
    dark age of camelot (www.camelotherald.com)
    is a great source of Arthurian, Anglo and Nordic history during the pendragon era of knights.

    trust me… you will find out more in the video game about chivalry than you will watching bollywood movies, yapping about Hindu culture… who by the way never had a nobility system much less knights or even something as simple ….. as eating.

  123. "INCORRECT… dowry was NOT used in arranged marriages"

    I think I liked it better when your comments were moderated and magically appeared later on in the day.

    Your premise is STILL incorrect, just like the rest of your knowledge you aquired from "cawledge". None of my infomation I got from Bollywood. Its FIRST hand. You see I make friends with lots of different types of people. I just don't require they be white and have boobs.

    And thats all I;ve got for you today. Namaste

  124. African dowry's were paid with cattle, goats and honey…
    Now…my daddy could get you a cow…but I'mma think that the cow is gonna mess up the rose garden in the backyard…so…
    How about we just ask him to pick up some steak, some curried goat and one of those cute little bottles of honey…the plastic bear bottle.
    Just sayin'…we don't want the harrassment of trying to feed livestock in the backyard…'cause we gonna need a swimming pool and a deck.
    But agan…my daddy will give you your dowry SBM.

  125. @Everyone

    Is dowry and chivalry strictly a western practice? I have heard of arranged marriages in some Western European cultures. Does any one have any knowledge of how Africans, Native Americans, and other non-western European cultures courted and married? I am pretty sure there were different rules and rituals b/w the different ethnic groups on each continent.

  126. wow at uncle fester's reference to the rules, as the number one rule breaker, im sure he's well versed…and why does he always have to acuse us of not liking black men?…we all like SBM, Humble, Hugh, Anti, Why So and Ethan…aren't they black?

    hmmm…well, back to planning my fabulous bday events. Ya'll folks have a good afternoon ya hear

  127. @Jolie: You OK sweetheart? Seems like you might need to calm down a lil. A diamond is a diamond … and since you have no justification for getting one besides "I deserve it" … good luck with that. I'm sure there is some sorry simp waiting just for you.

  128. Like I said, stop disrespecting me.

    just because your wrong.. just say your wrong and move along. I think you are the one who needs a time out for moderation today. because if you can sit up here and crack on me 3 times in 1 post after I point out the rules to you…. whats good for the goose has to be good for the gander.

    ANd Humble… yes chivalry is a knights code. knights came about vi european monarchy. we are a european based society so some of the customs made their way over here.

    Bree unless i can start callin you names again, dont call me any… cuz if I recall it was your cries of "help me" that started the last argument. so call me by my name and follow the rules. black man is not your play toy we are just here chillin and talkin about dating, romance and ish like is single black men do.

    if u need help…
    https://www.singleblackmale.org/the-rules/

  129. 200 🙂

    your black men, single and in america.
    the most dated and most married man in this country because you are gods perfect creation. and until the stats say otherwise… and we somehow stop being every single woman in americas dream…. we deserve much more.. startin with the dowry.

  130. …i won't even bother…as tempting as it is

    Humble, Anti, SBM, Why So, Ethan, Hugh…how ya'll doin' suga plums…I can't wait to celebrate the hell outta ya'll tomorrow. I'm making a big pot of grits for the occassion!

  131. you ARE being disrespectful….

    see you cant diss me 3 times in a row after I ask you to stop and then say "i didnt try to"

    why are you even commenting? we are talking about love and marriage, those terms are not in your vocabulary. go play on your female blog and let the rest of the world know how to your "comeback" is going… hows the traffic goin by the way?

    me and the rest of the guys will sit here and talk civil about love life and dating.

  132. @Bree-Girl I'ma make some monkey bread…I think they'll like that…anyone handling the turkey bacon, eggs…? LOL…Oh and Bree…we gots to get that Cream of Wheat with a little butter and sugar and a few strawberries!

    I can't wait…we need a themesong…Comeback-Any ideas?

  133. here since comeback and bree cant click perhaps they can read…

    The Rules

    This is a work in progress and all suggestions are appreciated … but this is the:

    SUPREME LIST OF RULES FOR SINGLEBLACKMALE.NET

    1. There will be no disrespect between commentors.
    2. The words “slut”, “whore”, “cum dumpster”, “bitch” and “cunt” are officially outlawed.
    3. Disagreements are allowed, but respect is paramount here.
    4. EVERYONE WILL BE RESPECTED.
    5. No personal conversations. Take that sh*t to email!

    Violate the rules … and you will be blocked from commenting.

    like seriously, just because your single and angry dosent mean any man wants to be your verbal punching bag. there are other ways you can relive stress anger and anxiety.

  134. Oh and Bree..I love how civil you are…I can't wait til you fall in love and get married.

    By the way, SBM posted some rules at the top of the page…apparently if you don't follow them Hasani will ban you.

  135. I feel your ambition, but I know unless your Muslim that's not going down. You got to accept your ladies' love as paymnet enough. But her crib could pay for the ceremony.

  136. @SBM: First, dont patronize me. Secondly, how do you know what I DESERVE you dont so dont worry about it. All I know is that I was bred by the best. I have achieved all of my small dreams and I've never been a failure so whatever I set forth to be mine will be mine. Also you with this "simping" thing. Seems as though the only thing you believe is not simping is drinking from the aquarium. INTERESTING…

    Tone: not defensive. just clarifying.

  137. SBM…you see you can't give a negro an inch w/o him harassing for you for an entire fucking mile. Is having him back really worth it the headache…I think not!! We were all getting along just fine(which is a feat within itself)…and then he reemerged.

    My vote is that he goes…and for good…moderation my ass…he doesn't even deserve that shit.

    And yes Sani baby I AM disrespecting yo simple minded ass…and what?!?!?

  138. Hey Peeps!!! I'm always coming on here once I get off work.. They be monitoring the mess out of our internet usage so no sbm.net from 8 5 for me…..

    But anyhow when it comes to my wedding I doubt my parents will be contributing. If it was feasible for them then they would but realistically I already know it's not going to happen….. So when the time comes I'm just gonna have to be on my grind to make it happen because I'm not going in debt over no wedding…It's going to be all that I imagined but just finanically feasible!!!!

    So how do yall feel about spouses having seperate bank accounts? I plan on keeping a stash on the side at all times!!!!!

  139. ya I would be done talkin to me too if I…

    1) came up with an idea
    2) was corrected infront of all of black cyberspace
    3) tried in vain to steer the conversation away from the fact that I didnt know what I was talking about
    4) my attempts were twarted and pointed out as irrelivant
    5) I resorted to disrespect and name calling like I was 11
    6) that got pointed out by the same person

    I dunno madam tiffany. I wouldnt wanna deal with me either. dont worry, at least lookin like an ass isnt as hard or as painful as actually saying…. "Im sorry" or "you were right"

    +1 points for the 30 something black male!
    I keep skore well cus I went to cawlege 😉

  140. Wow, I've been out all day and logged on to check messages and of course can't come online without seeing what's going on on one of my favorite blogs. 200 plus messages—can't keep up with y'all today so I skimmed.

    Spending all of that money on a wedding is ridiculous if you don't have it to spend. Now if you're rolling in the dough, then go for it. What I've seen though is folks spending all that cash and then struggling later. The wise thing to do would be to have a nice wedding and spend the dough on a house.

    You can have a nice wedding with all the frills without paying out your azz. I've coordinated a few weddings so if you need some suggestions, hit me offloop (smile). I've coordinated a wedding in less than a month because the hired coordinator failed to do their job.

    As far as who should pay–well that's something that the groom and bride to be should discuss. Most of the time from what I've seen it is either a joint thing or the bride's family pays–all depending on finances.

    I like the idea of a destination honeymoon–2 for the price of 1 (and we Virgos love bargains…smile).

  141. wow jolie.. setle down with the fire on my man there.

    the simping thang… it seems to be echoed by ALL of the black population on this blog. I was the only deviation… but now I am 100% in line with the other black men here. so if all the fine internet bloggin black men on here say one thing.. and you say another… I think we are the ones who are right.

    why is it whenever a non male on this blog feels threatened they recite their pedigree? Im proud of all my middle class black brothas and sistas but is the pedigree the only thang people got going on these days in thier minds?

    relax yall. lie is beautiful… theres lots of love out there.
    kisses to all yall who arent gettin any

  142. 80's Baby I'm all for seperate accounts. For me it'll be a joint account for our bills and family stuff and then our seperate accounts. It won't be a secret thing though. I think that's where the problem comes in when someone is trying to hide the fact they have a seperate account.

  143. "my attempts were twarted and pointed out as irrelivant"

    Hasani yes indeed i particated in twart(ing) and my attempts to twart you was justly seen. And I find it quite relivant.

    again I go in peace…***namaste***

  144. @Jolie: You're right, it's not a diamond in the sense that it wasn't mined, which is what creates it's value because it's "rare" (never mind that DeBeers suppresses and controls the supply of the world's diamonds, thus artificially inflating the price…..). Some things are more important in life than money, though (I go against the mainstream based on principle a lot, like how I hacked off my perm 10 years ago because I was pissed that every other woman in the world can be regarded as beautiful with their hair as it grows out of their heads, but not black women…. bollocks).

    Besides the blood diamond issue, I don't want the next love of my life (ha!) to feel like sh*t because he can't get me a huge rock to impress EVERYONE ELSE. I used to have guys come up to me and scoff at my wedding ring, telling me "I would have bought you something bigger" to which I replied "I didn't marry him for the ring." Not much a naggi can say to that, because THAT is what matters.

    *steps off soap box*

    Oh and I am NOT advocating that you men go buy these lab created diamonds and then try to pass them off on your woman unknowingly!! That is how you get cut. She's gotta be a woman like me who knows and appreciates them for what they are…. diamond alternatives.

  145. @ Jolie…i can't get down with the diamond alternatives, it sounds like imitation crab meat-ish.

    ***SBM.net family I have an annoucement to make. If any of you have ever experienced the wrath of my twarts, felt unjustly twarted or felt like my twartation was just out of hand i cincerly aplogise.***

    charge it to starbucks and not my hart.

  146. @Jolie: You have managed to do something rather interesting. You actually validated one of Hasani's points and made me realize that he was right.

    It is a little interesting that when I make some comment about why you shun these lab created diamonds, which to me comes off as "I deserve better", you actually did run to your "pedigree" as your defense (BTW … I hate that word pedigree).

    Interesting …

  147. @Jac…thanks sweetie…it's sort of my trademark…i love a good debate but I despise conflict…civility is probably one of my favorite personality traits.

    @Comeback, Teacia, and all the other women of SBM.net…please just stop talking to him, there are at least five other men hanging around here that are actually worth our conversation, time, and keystrokes

    @the men of SBM.net…please make this dude stop speaking for ya'll, he's bringing down your stock, LMAO

    it's amazing how the one who has yet to apologize to anyone else and has caused the most offense to the most people here is the one who mentioned the virtue of an apology. Hmmm…

  148. @sbm: if you agree with HASANI on anything that explains a lot.. and the circles i run in come from the finest families and i dont see anything wrong with that at all. OH and I dont read anything HASANI writes so referencing him means nothing to me.

    (i'm also wondering why you are picking on me.. (looks around to find out why..)
    Interesting…

    I have to make some calls.. see ya laters sbm.net

  149. @Jolie: Lol … I'm not picking on you. You and Comeback are the only ones still hardcore against lab diamonds … and Comeback was already embattled in a pointless battle with Hasani. Why she allows him to get her excited thinking she is going to change this guy … I just don't know. Maybe I need to teach the world my "blah blah blah! I can't hear you" fingers in the ear technique.

    Honestly Jolie, you complete me. Its funny, but me and you never agree on anything … and I love it. You are my perfect antagonist (sorry Comeback). As a result of it, I love you dearly (as a sister … like Comeback).

    Plus you just remind me so much of someone I know so much is crazy!

    Don't take offense.

    But your still wrong! The Lab Diamond Movement … SAVE THE KIDS!!!

  150. jolie. we should agree… we are single black men who have no kids and good jobs… you should agre with comeback because.. well Ive read your blog.. ive read her blog and ive seen what you both look like… well lets be nice and just say your both non married black women with "opinions and assets" so obviously you two would agree.

    the pedigree shit is funny… like her black blood is somehow blue. if your family is so upperclass and sophisticated, why talk like a 2 bit street bum and savage angry black woman? why not be married by now and succesful in love like god and family intended?

    could be those assets…. bwahahahah

  151. @SBM: LAB DIAMONDS!I rather have a real one even if it isnt huge that some manufactured DIAMONIQUE from QVC.. THANKs but no THANKS.. thats like someone giving you a plastic p*ssy and telling you to fuck it, suck it and shut the fugg up?!

  152. @Jolie: Lol at the reference to my old posts.

    I will agree that a cubic zirconia is not a real diamond, but these lab diamonds are real fugging diamonds.

    Here is where you get mad at me again, but its all just a sense of entitlement. You feel entitled to a diamond, so you want a diamond … NO MATTER WHAT!

    Well … I subscribe to the theory that the only thing anyone (myself included) is entitled to is death.

    Don't expect sh*t and then everything in life is a surprise.

  153. @Go B: I think I could say the same for you … LOL.

    I only read all the comments when its a post that I am personally really really interested in … such as today.

  154. @ SBM I have a suggestion (im all for freedom of speech and whatnot) but can uncle fester be blocked tomorrow, I can't really see how he would contribute constuctively. Additionally, I find it odd that someone sweats the shyt out of someone for 4 months and the same picture(s) that was like "call me, call me"…are the ones that he's drawn conclusions on "assets and opinions".

    i vote to block tomorrow please.

    thanks in advance

  155. LOL @ Jolie's plastic p*ssy comment, now that was super funny.

    Umm so yeah I'm NOT for the fake diamond movement. I don't like the concept of Blood Diamonds and all, but I don't want a manufactured one either. I want a big beautiful BLINGING ass DIAMOND ring, and not because I'm worth it or some crazy irrelevant shit like that but because I WANT IT!

    And SBM this side of you is very unattractive…for real though mister, don't forget who's in your presence.

    "Don’t expect sh*t and then everything in life is a surprise."

    …please keep this quote in mind this weekend!

  156. @comeback…thank you…what pic did teacia post of me in red?…hmm…maybe i need to go back to that post. your red dress pic was fly as hell too, i think i mentioned that on anitra's page. which is why i'm wondering why i was the only one out on the limb that day…with all these beautiful women on this here site.

    lol @ our lil unofficial black women's appreciation day…guess we're warming up for tomorrow.

  157. Yeah Comeback that picture of Bree is very pretty, but she's a pretty girl anyways…been envious of her for the last 11 years and rightfully so, lol.

  158. @SBM

    "Don’t expect sh*t and then everything in life is a surprise."

    I find that having this mentality works pretty well at times. Never expect someone to do more for you than you would do for yourself.

  159. @Jolie: Please … do I sound like the type of individual to settle?

    My philosophy on life is complicated and one day I might write a book and start a following … but really … why so worked up over these diamonds that guarantee little kids hands don't get chopped off.

  160. awww Teacia…you got me over here blushin…while not lookin so pretty in a dingy wife-beater and some flower print boxers with my teeny weeny afro flat on one side from leaning my head on the couch…lol

    Me and Ky were actually talking over the weekend about how pretty your skin is and what a beautiful smile you have…so THERE! LOL

    let's all virtually hold hands and sing a meddly of "I Am Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera, "Superwoman" by Alicia Keys and anything by Jill Scott, lol

    @SBM…hush, let that girl want her a nice diamond if'n she wants. I've learned that there are certain things people put value on that others will never understand. I don't get why some men put so much money into hookin' their cars up…but if'n that's what my hubby wanted, you best believe i'd be helpin him get it, if getting them myself. i don't get why dudes spend so much on video games and such…but hey, if it makes him smile, i'll surely stand in line at best buy to get it for him and a new one every time they come out if I got it like that…that said, if'n i want a real nice ring and my man can afford it or save up for it…he should act accordingly.

  161. @SBM & Comeback – Are Esther Baxter, Bria Myles, Khyrsti Hill, and Serena Williams still nominees for creative director of the calendar?

    I think me, Anti, SBM, HNIC, Why So, and Hugh should conduct the audtions.

  162. BREE PREACH GIRL!!! If you LOVE your mate and it's their thing then why not oblige. I mean if I dated a guy with a bike and he was ALWAYS wanting something for his bike best believe I'm going to call 31 stores until I find the thing he wants. Same goes for video games, collectible stamps…hell I don't care what it is.

    If she's marrying a man and the ring is in his budget then why can't she have it. There are plenty of men out there willing to buy the biggest and brightest ring for the girl they love…hell I USED to know a guy like that, but not so much these days.

    I swear you men all get together and start beating your chests and the next thing you know it's a, "Me Tarzan, You Jane" mentality going around. And from what I gather you're rather flashy mister, I find it hard to believe that you aren't going to look for the biggest and brightest ring out there…oh and don't forget the wrap.

  163. Bree I talked to Ky today on IM, she said she was there again this past weekend, and is also upset that I won't be there next weekend. I really want to come, if things go as planned I may be able to swing it, but I dunno…you know how your middle school sweetheart(read my baby daddy) be cutting up…lol.

    Comeback: thank you daaahling…and yes you were killing it in that red dress, i like the black as well you were rocking a couple months back. We some pretty little things(oh and smart and successful) on this here site, the men are soooo lucky to have us. **I'm getting it all out so that I can worship their asses tomorrow**

    Black Men's Appreciation Day is a GO!!

  164. @Teacia…every year my dad has a new, more expensive hobby. when i was younger it was tennis, at some point it was learning keyboard, then it was guitar, then it was videography, then it was film editing…and every year, my mom busts her a$$, saves up money, does the research, and sneaks around to surprise him with whatever his heart desires (expensive keyboard with amplifier, brand new apple comuter with wide screen monitor…he gets better gifts than i've EVER gotten)…because it makes him happy…now i'm willing to bet they'd be on board with that…but it's not okay to expect/hope the man one of these women on here loves should give her the ring she wants…look, in any real relationship where there is equal love and equal effort..buying your loved one extravagant gifts that you may not value but you know they will love is expected…as long as you can afford it (i believe we touched on this before). a wedding ring is one such gift. you guys bring up a one sided topic and assume we are one sided in our beliefs…just because we want to be "spoiled" with a nice ring doesn't mean we won't spoil you with the things you desire.

  165. comeback… how about insted of you begging for me to get blocked… you just follow the rules of his blog???
    you could also try to follow the rules of common sense. I am wrong sometimes…. but least I say "oops" when I do… I dont resort to disrespect. follow his rules or just go back to your own blog and talk about stuff your readers want to hear. it dosent matter if I say it , SBM says it or any man in your life says it.. when your wrong you wrong. suk it up and move along and stop being such an angry black woman and making the rest of the sensible sistas look bad out here.

    every day is the same thing. SBM makes a post… I agree wit what he says…. and you offer some lopsided ABW opinion. I ignore you and you come back harder. I then point out how silly your acting and you feel slighted… so you feel the need to "check this nigga and put him in his place" and disrespect me. You come at me and I retaliate with something that usually cuts your legs out from under you and then I look like a "villan" because your left crying.

    you dont really care about getting any message accross to the "single black men" out here. you only speak to hear yourself speak, and offer nothing relevant or constructive to the black men who come here to blog and chat. ive said a thousand times if you have any personal msg for me… you have my email and number so you can call me or email me, but you would rather make a public scene and show how awesome you are schoolin men.

    so how about we skip the tired "mid thirty something angry black woman vs the early thirty something haughty black man and just chat on the internet like we are our age and the same race? deal?

  166. diamonds.
    IM up against a wall here. My brother got his wife a ring he paid 15k for…. do you know what kind of pressure that puts on the diamond I have to follow that up with?

    I bought a 1.3kt H&A cut for a promise ring that was a synth once. but it was a synth that cost 400 just for the stone…. never seen a sparkle like it in my life though. I forget the name of the website.

    But as far as "the" diamond goes, I think Ill be better off just seeing how long I can make whichever of these women I decide to settle with stay around without the ring, cuz it would be a killer to have to live up to my brothers diamond…it cast a rather large shadow.
    On a brighter note… miss june and her hippie self says she dosent believe in the "american regulation" of marriage and says she would wear an amethyst as a ring and never be actually married…. thats a winner brothas.

  167. #260 was really @ everybody (specially the men) not teacia

    @teacia…we'd love to have you here next weekend, we is gon' be havin' a funky good time! Right now, i'm planning a super-girly-daytime-slumber-style-pedi-party…i think ky is going to hook up a limo to take us from there to dinner and bring us back…fun fun fun, lol

  168. @ Jolie…because there are too many in the round gallon bowl that I have..plus they really need a filter…and without one you have to change their bowl everyday. Old food and waste kills them and not very fengshui.

    ive been lookin at these wall hanging aquariums: http://www.thewallaquarium.com/aquariumstore/cata

    they are so fly. But if I hang in the wrong place it would be out of the south east corner of my house (kitchen). But they are super flat but they make up in length what they lack in depth.

  169. Hasani it's starting to look like you're mad that Comeback REJECTED all of your failed attempts at getting at her. Really though, she's been a good person since you left…why you gotta go and f*ck that up for us.

    And I'm on board with you being blocked…you know the best thing about that, I got the inside track. Please simmer down mister, we're really trying to be patient with your ass, we shouldn't have to ask for you to be blocked, you should just try to have some decency and civility and have a conversation that isn't always attacking one of us on the blog…if not, then please believe that I will be making my case(in my sexy sultry voice) for your ass to be BOOTED out once again.

    And dude YOU'RE NOT HOT!!! Please invest some of the $1700 into a mirror that actually REFLECTS your appearance.

  170. Comeback speaking of Fengshui I changed my bed to face northwest(apparently best for me) and I've slept like a baby the last few days. Now granted it faces my door which made me a little uneasy, but with the extravagantly beautiful natural earth tones comforter set I bought it makes my room pop with positive energy when first looking at it.

    Oh and I like the fish tank, although I'm not sure how the fish would feel watching you bake their uncles and cousins…lol.

  171. @Breelicious – I agree with your post# 260. I can't speak for the other men but I have ran into too many women that want you to go all out for them but won't do the same for you. When a woman tells you that she deserves A,B,C it comes off as being arrogant and grandiose. If you deserve it you dont have to ask he will give it to you or ask you what you want.

  172. Well…well…well…

    Here it is.

    I've been lurking about all day getting my life where I need it to be.

    Hasani's aura doesn't mesh well with everyone else's I don't know why but it's like the more we're nice to him the more disrespectful he is to the rest of us men and women.

    I don't think I deserve a thing. I was engaged once and my ring was so simple. It was nice and plain…sort of well…like me.

    I don't think I deserve anything and as I discussed with my blog sister the other evening that's probably why I never get anything…cause I'm not about to tell a man what I deserve he should know my worth and if he doesn't kick rocks.

    I am not in the best mood in the world right now but oh well. Life goes on…I have shit to do.

  173. "bed faces my door"…you can cure that with a faceted crystal between foot of bed and door. Natural earth tones is good for comforters.

    Damn I never thought about the fish actually seeing me cook OTHER FISH..!!!

    @ Jolie yeah I think I might gone ahead and get it.

  174. "cause I’m not about to tell a man what I deserve he should know my worth and if he doesn’t kick rocks."

    Word. Exactly what I was saying.

  175. @Humble-And the same goes vice versa. If a man doesn't feel the woman he's with doesn't get his worth he should eliminate her…beyond that if a PERSON doesn't recognize the people around them's worth that person should be eliminate.

  176. @Breelicious
    "i feel you, but i’m not that chic and I don’t keep chics like that in my crew. but i hear they exist, lol"

    Yes they do exist in greater numbers than you think. And if you are not like these women please, please, stay that way.

  177. amen Jac…why is it everytime we start saying what we want, they think it's something we aren't willing to reciprocate…or we don't think men should get the same treatment…LOL

  178. I agree with the ladies..im not understanding what the problem is??? men and women have expectations that are expressed in different ways, but does that change the expectation? No.

    I have my likes and my rathers…and if you're diggin the person some of them should get met. thats apart of the deal. If a man is allergic to peanuts…im not going to cook up some tofu with a peanut paste??? now am i???

    wants and needs SHOULD be ANTICIPATED and in some ways EXPRESSED then met.

    now im hungry..

  179. yes jolie…you really would walk up to a man you've been dating for long enough for the both of you to decide to devote your lives to one another and say "i want a 2.5 carat princess cut ring in a platinum band with baggettes and you betta get it cuz its what i deserve and if not, regardless of the reason you don't, i ain't marrying yo a$$"…i mean, isn't that how we women are? LMAO (please read my sarcasm)…i swear i love the fellas on here (minus one), but they give us no credit for having any dam.n common sense sometimes

  180. @ Tea – you got that sultry voice argument uh, discussion going yet? lol. And here all this time I thought I was the voice of reason that ebbed the decision to block last time. ah well – either way future banning is a good look 😉

    I thought the one day comments were going to be it but give a negro and inch…

    *boiling the water, stirring the pot and gathering the villagers with their torches*

    HNIC is a four-letter word.

    @ SBM – go on, keep the party going. I'll put my fingers in my ears too.

    that's all for tonight.

  181. so im a.d.d'in around on some of these black blogs and some black folk are getting financial advice from their financial advisors to "withdraw their money from banks" i guess this includes BOA (which now owns pretty much erry thang)..how do people feel about this.

  182. @ Comeback – that doesn't seem wise. what would be the point? or even the benefit? Most banks are FDIC-insured. I think that sort of action had dire results in the past. Also, what is the alternative? put the money in a cookie-jar? the caymans? gold?

  183. @ 80s and Cuzzo… im not a doomsday girl at all…but I;ve read on some financial blogs that the FDIC is floating paper and they could go belly up if more money isn't circulated and if more financial institutions go belly up (where they have to cover the loss). I went once to the bureau of engraving downtown and they print about a 100 million dollars a day in paper (which has no value until circulated), but i guess the issue is inflation????

    i dont know???

  184. @cuzzo…it wouldn't be inflation if they were replacing missing funds. however, it is a very good point that while funds under $100K is FDIC insured, they can only pay back so much. I'm sure the FDIC would stake claims to certain funds from banks in a plan of reorganization as all banks are required to have on hand cash for reserve requirements which is a percentage of all of their core deposits (checking, savings, etc.)…this is a federal requirement. that cash doesn't just go away when a bank files for bankruptcy…but it may take a while for folks funds to be replaced. i'll do some studying up on it for you comeback and i'll come back with a better and more concise explanation

  185. i'm sorry if that didn't make much sense…i'm beyond sleepy and trying to finish this business plan…i think its time to call it a night

  186. Good thing…I don't have…money…in the bank…it's in my purse..buahhahah!!!

    Just kidding…I better get that…Comeback…where da heck is my chart chica…?

    I am sooo excited to read it…rebuke the ADD.

  187. lol…what i'm saying is…all banks are required to maitain a certain level of cash which is based on a certain percentage of their core deposits…it's not like that cash just goes away if they file for bankruptcy…they would then enter into a plan to pay their debtors, the FDIC would most likely represent us core depositors in order to recoup the funds needed to make good on that FDIC "insurance" since you are a debtor to the bank…(by depositing your money there you are lending the bank money)…

    and the issue of inflation…they are replacing money that was not in circulation, for the most part…money in core deposit accounts especially savings accounts and savings instruments is actually not in circulation until it is withdrawn and exchanged for services rendered or products. they wouldn't necessarily be adding to the money supply, if your money was lost and then replaced. but that's just my initial thought without reading more into it.

    off to sleep i go folks…see ya tomorrow

  188. Being African, we have a different meaning to Dowry. A dowry is paid to the family of the bride who in turns takes care of the wedding reception. It consist vaguely of a sum of money, and some material gifts. The list is not standard and varies from family to family ( greedy or not) and this is NOT for arranged marriages only. I am engaged to be married and yes, my fiancé will pay the dowry and we are both EDUCATED and professionals, so are our parents. To me, when a man pays the Dowry be it small or big, it shows his level of responsibility towards family and traditions. It is important to me. NOW, woman paying dowry to man? huh, in western world..not amongst Africans.!

    We did not have traditions of engagement rings ( holla, I got one!) so really, the amount spent in dowry could as well equal the big bling on your finger!

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