Home Guest Post Thursday Feature: Soft Guys

Thursday Feature: Soft Guys

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This comes from Young Belizean Lady, the writer of Through the Eyes of Andrea

This has got to be a West Coast thing … because generally speaking … this is a shock to me.  All these “men” tendencies I have seen primarily with women through my life.

Sadly … I will admit … I did show some of these b*tch-like tendencies (don’t get mad at the b word … it’s a saying people) once.  I was talking to someone and she seemed overly chill about dating me.  Soon I was thinking “why isn’t she calling me” and “why didn’t she pick up” and “what does she mean she is busy over the weekend”.  I think when we … as men … are faced with women with “Man Like Tendencies” … we revert back into someone we usually aren’t.  It’s just … weird.

So … maybe it’s the overly “chill” demeanor that just has her man confused … or who knows what it is … but I think it can break down even the strongest.

———————————————————————-

Men with woman like tendencies!

What is really going on these days! My goodness, have we reached a point where Men have become a bit more feminine.

In a relationship, I’m chill. I’m not all over my boyfriend like where you at, where you been, where you going..lol. It’s more of, you are your own person capable of making good decisions, if you choose otherwise, be prepared to face the consequences.

Having two older brothers and a tomboy older sister, I can be very nonchalant about things. Certain stuff that would bother others isn’t an issue with me. If my boyfriend wants to go hang with the boys and watch strippers, go’head, just don’t cross the line..ie..receiving hand jobs, bj, giving oral, sex..and such and such. If a girl passes in front us, go ahead and look (not stare), its human nature. Of course, it is only fair that I am able to do the same. I used to be big on being called everyday, but now, not so much..maybe because I got more to do these days. But if he doesn’t call, then I’ll call him. It really isn’t a big deal. My male friends enjoy talking to me because I’m chill, but can also offer good advice as to why their girlfriend is upset with them. See, I may get irritated about somethings a guy would do, but I think about. Why does it upset me, is it a big deal, if not I let it go, if it is..I speak my mind..just that simple.

See Also:  Cliff Hanger: The Fiscal Cliff Debacle & Where We Must Go From Here

But man, these guys these days..smh..I’m wondering what is really going on. I was kicking it with male friend the other day. We were talking about relationships and what not. He was saying how he used to have issues with his girl because she wasn’t jealous enough. WTF?!!! Thats stuff girls say, oh I dont think my man cares because he doesn’t get jealous. But here I was listening to my 22 year old friend say, “I didn’t think she cared because she wouldn’t get jealous….a girl would stare me down and say hey sexy, and my girlfriend wouldn’t even react”. I was looking at him in utter disbelief. Like what did you want your girl to do..say “ah hell nah, betta stop looking at my man!” He looked at me, and said “YES!”(oh, wow, smh) And he went on to say how if she doesn’t call him or always says she will call him back, he feels like she doesn’t want him. I stood their listening to this craziness. Thinking, this is stuff I expect to hear from a female. Why does this boy need so much attention?

So then I went on to tell him how I don’t trip, here is the convo.
Me: Im not really the jealous type, and I give my boyfriend space.
friend: when was the last time you talk to him
me: yesterday
friend: who called who
me: he called me
Friend: why haven’t you called him today
Me: because I talked to him for hrs yesterday, I didn’t think it was necessary to call today
Friend: you should call him, it shows you care, he’s probably waiting on you to call
Me: I was gonna hit him up tomorrow
Friend: No call him when you get on campus. My girl used to not call and it would irritate me. Then I would call her and be like oh I’m going out, and she would just say ok like she didn’t care.
Me: maybe she did care, and just didn’t make a big deal
Friend: I want her to make a big deal….

See Also:  Her Mouth, Not Ours: Top 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating

I was like, wow, this is a mess. But I took my friends advice and called my boyfriend, who enthusiastically got happy because I called him. I didn’t want to completely deem this as woman like behavior. Then he asked ” baby who all have you told that you are in a relationship, what did you say, what did they say?”
I looked at my phone crooked and few thoughts ran through my mind. Why is all that necessary. Who cares what people say.Which bring about other questions like,why is it that you compare yourself to other guys all the time, why do you think I need to wear a “promise ring” to show I am taken. I want to just tell him to man up sometimes. My roommate put a wager down saying that my boyfriend will profess his love by the time we reach our one month. I hope not, I’m trying to take it slow..there is no need to rush.

But there is an epidemic, a lot young ladies I know are running into these guys that act like overly sensitive women.

These guys fall in love after 2 weeks! Then goes on a fit about feeling used..lol…and heartbroken!
Can someone please tell them to take the panties off and put their boxers back on!
ASIDE: Its a beautiful thing to be a woman, how ever, I do not want my man to act like one. I believe I can hold down the “woman” position in the relationship all by myself.
End of aside.
Top Ten Signs your man has female tendencies

See Also:  The Young Misogynist

1. He calls you in a fit, because you haven’t called him
2. He gets mad when you don’t get jealous, and walks around with a bad attitude until you ask him what wrong or you can telepathically figure it out.
3. He wants to know how everyone you know feels about him
4. He compares himself to every guy
5. Always goes into full detail about what outfit he’s going to where when he has plan to see you..so what if your dark blue sean john jeans have baby blue stitch marks that match your DC baby blue hat. Just make sure you are and look clean, and wear close that fit.
6. Quizzes you on stuff like, what time of day did I ask you out, what time did we have our first kiss, hug, smile..etc or all his favorite things.
7. Feelings get super butt hurt because you are going out with the girls and not spending time with him…( Damn didn’t I just see you yesterday)
8. Needs your complete attention and eye contact when he talks to you
9. Wants to know why he isn’t in the number one space on Myspace and Facebook
10. already heads over heels in love, and it hasn’t event been a month and added his last name to your first name to see what it sounds like.

Now my boyfriend doesn’t exhibit all of these, I had to reach out to other resources to make this list. Please feel free to add on.

Comment(347)

  1. Oh to be young again…I had a nonchalant attitude and occasionally still do, unless I get caught up(not a ggod look).

    But I must admit, I can't stand b*tch ass negroes, drives me CRAZY!!! All those feelings, always wanting to discuss shit…gets on my nerves. Why not just let it ride, why do you have to care about EVERYTHING, why must we ALWAYS talk shit out, I mean dammit man.

    I dated a guy who wanted me to introduce him to everyone as my man, uhhhh what for. Why must an aquaintance know who you are, you aren't my husband and we may not even last. Why do you have to be introduced if i'm only making a pit stop and you're not even getting out of the car. He had to know all the details and would whine like a b*tch if he didn't know them and I wasn't pressed to find out. There was no go with the flow with this man…drove me crazy. Yeah men are definitely turning into whining little b*tches…it's a sad day indeed.

  2. I have to agree on this one. someone has to be the man in the relationship and if your crying talking about "im so mad u said u were gonna call and you didnt!" I'm a be looking at the phone like hunh? what? like usher said we trading places..lol. stuff that would bother most females doesn't bother me. and I don't put up with bs either. I can see if coming a mile away and I shut it down: " look boo this isn't working, let's just be friends" and dudes like " what did I do??" honey I just laughed! some of these brothers got one foot in the closet and one out of it. I need a mans man…not a homo thug ..lol.

    just my opinion don't take it personal just take it.

  3. oh and good morning everyone. I ask that everyone who knows how to pray please pray for my family my sister is missing.

  4. lmao Akua I forgot about that usher song praising the male feminine movement. I am going to agree with Teacia that its Affirmative Actions fault. If I would have known all this freedom came with men turning into b*tches I wouldn't have agreed to it!

    Akua I'm gonna say a prayer right now

  5. @Akua: Wow girl… bless your heart. I'm praying for you guys.

    I have NEVER run into this kind of man… but

    M dream man will be in "touch" with his feminine side… now I don't desire excessiveness, like him throwing fits and mad cause I didn't call, but I also don't want him to be so damn nonchalant, and instead wanting to talk to me about how he feels.

  6. @Mik: I can't believe how good Amy actually looked in that vid. I wonder if she's actually happy with her crackrock look now.

    Love her music though. 🙂

  7. Sounds like part of this is an age thing….she/he's in college. I'd like to think (hope?) old folk my age (ok, 30s) don't do this ish. Or at least I don't run across it so much and/or to that extreme….guys my age take their sweet time when it comes to getting boo'd up.

    I'm a nonchalant woman myself, tho, and I do forsee it causing issues with the wrong guy. Goes back to my argument that guys really don't want the "cool chick"….they want the "I go ballistic at everything, let's talk about our feelings, does this make my butt look big" chick, cuz that's the norm.

  8. I would say the biggest reason for all of this is lack of self-esteem. A man that knows where he stands and knows what he has, doesn't worry like a lady. He lives life and tells you to hold on for the ride. It's also rare to find a woman thats real chill like that, this might be why these guys are bugging and turning soft.

    -JM
    MrSwagger.com

  9. Good Morning Everyone,

    I have never met dudes like this. These must be the type of dudes that wear those tight jeans and tight sweaters. IDK. True batty boys. From some of the women I dealt with it seems they would like this type of dude. I have been told I am too hard or cold. Or maybe its the super-emotional women that like these cats? IDK>

  10. Someone brought up the "Age factor" I know guys in their 30's who display these feminine type qualities. Not exactly like the description that young B gave, but its a different kind. Like not being able to change a tire or oil in a car or wanting to for that matter, asking the woman to always make the plans. I even heard a man say to me his "clock is ticking" Now that one took me back what the heck do you mean YOUR clock is ticking? "BLANK STARE"

    Nicki I agree Amy looked so pretty in that vid and that was the first time I seen that vid when I pulled it up I was like wow. Its so sad to see her know vs then…..

  11. I have very strong woman like tendencies… none of the women I date now complain about it.
    heres the kicker… and i been sayin this for a LONG TIME. if you dont like the man or respect the man you will hate ANYTHING about him.

    I get told my long eyelashes are sexy. I get told a man who knows his way around the kitchen is sexy. when I tell women I was in love with a woman for 10 years and talk about how great and romantic it was you can always hear them sigh. I break out old poetry I used to write… sistas say "he's so deep, its sexy"
    Im very nurturing towards kids….. women say thats different and sexy.
    I cuddle ALOT especially after sex and guess what Im told?
    I have longish nails because I take more supplements than a russian gymnast, and there is a nail salon next to my boxing gym filled with hot asian chicks…… put 2 and 2 together, I get a manicure every week. the nails are prob the ONLY thing thats femenine about me that women actually complain about…. but I do remember a topic where some of you said a man thats well groomed and has a manicure is attractive.

    I mean, come on now. we need to change this topic. It should read, why I dont like guys whom I dont find attractive.

  12. LMAO Nicki you KNOW I don't know if he was straight or GAY i'm in the club so i wasn't trying to find out lol.

    He kept asking me when would I be ready to have kids, im like ninja I don't KNOW so stop asking!!

  13. @sani u are talking about things that won't bother most women, expect the nail thing…we are talking about b*tchas*dness…guys acting like how most women would. not romance and cooking. where's comeback? what she call it, soft and pink…yea that's what these dudes are…

  14. @Mik: LOL. He sounds extremely strange. When are you ready to have kids? WTF? Yes, ma'am. I'm glad you walked away from that.

  15. Nicki I guess he felt like he was ready to settle down, making 6 figures, got the house the car, the company car, and well traveled all at 28, he musta thought all that was left to do was have a wife n kids but STILL you don't ask women u just met when will she be ready, this is not your lil sisters easy bake oven. You can't put me on a timer, watch the light bulb cook me and wait for me to go "ding"

  16. @Mik: "this is not your lil sisters easy bake oven. You can’t put me on a timer, watch the light bulb cook me and wait for me to go “ding”"

    ROFL! He sounds like a great catch… all his vitals were in order, too bad he had to mess up and say that -ish… The carriage turned into a pumpkin.

  17. Oh he was straight…this has nothing to do with Batty Boys, real men, strong and aggressive men have the capability turn into the whining ass men. I think something is in the water, cause they are running rampard these days. Me personally I'm not a big fan of the overt display of emotions. Yes I want to know that you love me, but I don't need the mushy mushy stuff that comes with it.

    I think it's all this education, you don't normally run into these kinds of problems with me who are labor workers, they tend to ignore the little shit b/c they have bigger issues on their plate…like surviving. But our well educated progressive brothers have seemed to turn into a bunch of whining little b*tches. They are so used to life being good and going their way that when the smallest thing doesn't happen according to plan they freak out and b*tch up.

    I think struggle should be a prerequisite for all black men to endure, at least for one or two years of their life, harden their asses up a bit. They should ALL be required to suffer through some form of manual labor and deal with jackass bosses, lol…yeah that'll give them a little backbone.

  18. @Hasani: first off, please forgive me for sticking with the original name you posted under, but it's hard for me to call you HNIC on someone else's sh*t…again my apologies.

    Now nothing about what you stated had anything to do with this post. No one is talking about looks, we're talking about personality, and yes we can all say that no you're not that guy, but 5 months ago…yeah that was a different story totally.

  19. Oh Nicki his vitals was off the charts, but you can't use that to your advantage to get what you want, its nice n all but it don't work like that, and he was dead serious. Talking about how he can take care of me n such n such, I think he was actually offended that i wasn't wanting to have his babies n be barefoot n preggers. He was on a mission, im sure he has got someone knocked up by now lol that was 2 months ago.

  20. @Mik: I'm sure he did too… those are the kind of men that want a Vanessa Bryant trophy…. but then will probably end up trying to cheat on her with an independent woman because "she's too lazy," "all she has to talk about is the kids," and on and on.

  21. I totally agree with men acting like women these days. Being born and raised in the true dirty south (Mississippi) I always grew up with the men in my life being the "dont show too much emotions", hard to the core, rugged types. But since living up north (DC) men up here confuse the heck out of me. They want to talk about their feelings (nonthing is wrong with that until they take it beyond talking and start crying), they call you asking where you are and what your doing 24/7, asking why you havent called them that day…and so on. Where are all these sappy men coming from? Cause I know we aren't raising them down south.

  22. Teacia Say that girl!! I will take me a blue collar man over the educated wimps. I was going to do a post on that banana republic men vs. walmart men

  23. Yeah Mikki, they be doing the absolute most at times.

    Oh hell, let me get to this interview, see yall on the flip side.

  24. You are dealing with a generation of boys that were raised by women.
    They are reacting the only way they know how.

    Women will ALWAYS be attracted to strong males. Until these girly men realize that and grow a backbone, there will be more women for me mwahahahahaha

    seriously. Why so? I dunno hahahaha

  25. I know our authoress is 19, but my 31 yr old recent ex exhibited quite a few of these tendencies. And now im sad, because this might not be an age thing as much as maturity thing. There are tons of 30 year old "babified-chick like" men roaming the earth.

  26. Good morning folks,

    Eh…Aside from that Top 10 Signs list (most of those were quite gayish), I don't think wanting attention, affection and general acknowledgement of a relationship are "woman-qualities." I don't care how masculine a dude is, or how nonchalant the lady, everyone wants to know that their significant other cares for them and has some kind of passion invested in the relationship.

  27. @why so: I agree with u. but men have been being raise by women since their fathers were being sold off onto different plantations. so that's not an excuse.

  28. @ Mik yeah I think you're right

    And I don't necessarily think that being raised soley by a woman ensures a man "[email protected]" status. Most of the men I date come from two parent households (its something i've put on my list and always gotten) and I think the interesting thing is how his two parent perspective played out. A man can still be very very "soft" with a mama and a daddy. It matters MOST how their relationship was.

    Which means now I have to go and revisit my list. I don't JUST want a man with an active mama and daddy in the household. I'd like for their relationship to be well balanced as well. This is important.

  29. So if you ladies view these qualities as "b!tchlike" then do you refrain from doing them yourself, or do you say its OK for you to be that way because youre a woman?

  30. @ Akua – You and your family are definitely in my prayers.

    As for this post….well it's really a personal preference sort of thing. If you don't like wimpy/whiney men stay away from them! But don't go complaining when you get a guy that treats you wrong about how they are no good men out there. YOU passed up the "good men" cause you were too busy getting caught up in the "rough neck mentality."

    Yes, I'm speaking like a man (or HNIC) today but I don't care. I'm so tired of hearing women complain about men who show their emotions and then calling them soft when they do.

    Maybe it's us who need to grow a pair and not them….

  31. lmao….yes that was an evil laugh.

    It's not an excuse, but it's an explanation. There are many factors, from the newfound to the fact that economy has found out we can make money offa de girly men[ahhnold swarchzenneagar voice]

    I'm gonna refrain from saying much more, until i find a way to do it without my foot ending up in my mouth.

    why so serious.

  32. Right comeback 1 less parent doesn't equal a recipe for these women like tendencies to surface. i know plenty men who come from 2 parent house holds and they are worse at times *cough cough*

    heroes there is a double standard obviously, but God did not create YOU ie men to bare babies or partake in the process of menstrual cycles so unless you plan to start partaking in 1 or both of these things the bitchassness needs to cease!!

  33. No More a little of this is maturity…am i bitc#in about my myspace and friendster and facebook position..prolly not. Am I bit#chin if I don't know he has said pages that he is actively on HELL the fyck YES.

    Do I expect to be called everyday (shut up SBM) ..umm if we are in a deeply committed relationship yeah..a whole lotta days bet not be skipped. I don't think a man is too busy to call. A man who loves you and cares about you makes time..and finds 2 mins to ring the phone.

    Im not down for quizzes, most days I can't remember what I had on yesterday. So I most def will not remember what you and i both wore several months /yrs ago.

  34. @Daisy: Im inclined to agree with you on that…women just finding something to complain about.

    And especially, "Needs your complete attention and eye contact when he talks to you"…I mean, seriously?

  35. @whyso: that's alright… we're just diagloguing here… I know I've said tons of things and have ended up taking them back.

  36. "I’m gonna refrain from saying much more, until i find a way to do it without my foot ending up in my mouth"

    @ why i totally agree with Nick…be free speak your mind. No one really knows who the other is. We're all in TOTAL and COMPLETE anonymity, seriously…go for it.

  37. Heroes No sir, I think we aren't talking about the same thing, your response seems to be inline with the laxydaisical AUTHOR of this post. I think if we are in a relationship there should be some level of soft n pink on both ends. What I am refering to is the fact that YOU act like your having a period 24/7.

  38. I agree that these generation of men have been raised by women thus making them act the only way they know.

    Why so…say whatever you need.

  39. I think its a beautiful thing that more men display there emotions, but there is a fine line when your asking me which lotion I prefer or where your luffa is…..

    I'm just saying sometimes its to much, I embrace my women, YOU should not be embracing MY woman, do I go around touching your tools n thangs? NO

  40. @Mikki: Did I hit a nerve? Excellent.

    @Comeback: I understand, I guess Im saying that there are qualities both men and women posess that the other could call "b!tchlike".

  41. Wait, ain't none of yall naggas wish me good luck on my interview…damn, it's like that?!?!?

    Mikki…lol, "do i go around touching your tools n thangs"…ha ha ha.

    Uhhh yeah, so here's the deal…why are the men even defending this shiznit like it's cool, it ain't cool for men to be acting all chic-like(figured i'd remove the sting) on us.

    @Daisy: no one said they wanted a roughneck, but someone who didn't keep up the madness would be nice. all this arguing and complaining is played. i've had men get upset with me b/c i didn't want to talk about a moot issue that could and should be left alone. like i said, i see it mostly in our educated men who didn't work a hard day's labor in their life. the shit sometimes just isn't that serious.

  42. @T: Sorry girl… when you said interview, I was trying to figure out if you had one or you were conducting one.

    I am saying a prayer that you get it. How soon will you know?

  43. naw…i'll hold my tongue…lol i just read a comment about all us white collar educated guys being soft. So i won't speak up for myself, as expected.

  44. Example:

    Blackplanet notes, This guy came to my page and decided to send me a "wink" that said whats up? Now I could have been bitchy and sent a one click reply as well, instead i WROTE back and asked him to send me a note on yahoo if he wanted to talk and I gave him the screen name.

    Why do i get a note back saying MINE is such n such "hit me up" Nicca I just told you to hit me up! why the freak do u need to feel like u are the one being pursued ?

    total femininity goingz on…

    lmao why so *BLANK STARE*

  45. @Mikki: Go get some! Are you in the Cel Club too?

    @Teacia: I dont think anyone is defending a man being a pushover/whiner/whatever. But what it seems to me is that there is no clear cut definition of "soft", so you got women running around talking about her man is soft because he might have called her three times that day.

  46. @Nicki: I was the recipient of a panel interview…and those mofo's are scarier than a little bit. Same place, different dept, better pay. But it went amazingly well, I was on my game. Apparently they are interviewing 14 people, I was amongst the last of the group(did that on purpose)..and I will know something by the end of next week.

    @Why so: Why so…serious?!?!?

  47. @No more: Well i'm a phone wh*re so I love love looooove talking to my man. To me it doesn't matter how often he calls, as long as he's not b*tching and complaining when he does. It's all FEEEELINGS that get on my nerve, when did men become so in touch with their feeeeelings. Always wanting to talk shit out, always looking for a compromise. Man the eff up already damn, bottle that shit up and keep it moving, lol.

  48. Yes Heroes I am in the club A PROUD (sarcastic voice) ALUMNI. My one n only association and I didn't even have to go college for it!!!

  49. @T: That is fantastic girl. LOL, I did a panal interview with three women once… three "others" too…. Good thing, I am a charmer because I was sweating bullets. LOL.

    I am excited for you.. better pay???? always a good option! Make sure you let us know the outcome. 🙂

  50. Hey T…Goodluck..like I tell all yall negrodian folks…picture the outcome as you'd like it. See yourself doing well in the interview, see the offer, see the money you want, and see yourself doing the job. Never has failed for me once.

    @ why..im just floored. You've never been one to hold your tongue. We only got room on this here SBM.net for 1 ultra sensitive man. We really don't need two.

    @no more..i don't think its ok for a man to display any bit#chlike tendencies when trying to jockey for something he feels he isn't getting. There's a difference. To whine or complain or manipulate ..thats not cool. Now a woman shouldn't really be doin awhole hell of alot of this either, with minor exceptions and that is her monthly visit from George, she gets a reprieve for that.

  51. NoMore:I think white collar and educated men are cool…There's no need to put up airs or fronts. I don't know who said it but I disagree.

    Mikki:You alright?

    Teacia:I love calls and texts too.

  52. haha naw, you know i'm playin. Ain't nothin too serious.

    If I wanna say something, I don't hold my tongue. If I make an assertion, I've considered all possible angles, checked them against my core values and will express it in a manner eloquent, yet assertive.

    This is in fact, what a man will do. What a lot of soft guys won't.

  53. 2nding Comeback: "@ why..im just floored. "

    That makes two of us… Good lord we're all just sharing opinions here.. why.so.serious? (LOL!)

  54. Hello everyone, I haven't commented in a while but on this I have to say one thing, Bahaaaaaaaaa! Sorry I had to get that loud laugh out. I have to agree because it is so funny how I don't care anymore. I have been told that I don't call by this guy (not even my bf) lol. I'm sorry I can't sweat a man like that anymore. I have job and other things that I have to handle throughout the day. Honestly, for me to call you like that, I have to really be into you. But I'm just not in the mood to be calling you like I don't have a life.

  55. Wow, what an interesting topic. I dated someone who would complain about the calling thing too. Funny thing is I would call, he wouldn't pick it up, then call me right back. Few months down the road he said he was the one always calling and complaining that I act like I don't care or need him *rolls eyes*.

    Bottom line I think men like attention and want to feel needed more than they like to admit. Nothing 'feminine' about it to me. However, if you don't want men like that, holla @ some West Indian dudes – they like to act all hard and aggressive, this ladee can't take them anymore, lol.

    One thing I have noticed though are the guys who have 'sweetness' as in true gay tendencies not necessarily emotional ones are the first to get married. I can't tell you how many times I swore up and down dude was gay, but I end up seeing wedding photos. That is just mind boggling!

  56. @Teacia: I gotcha. Good luck on your interview.

    @Comeback: I agree.

    @Jac: I didnt say anything about that, but thanks for the love.

  57. NoMore:Maybe it was whyso…I can't remember. I am running low and sleep and I have ants and I don't know why since I clean every damned day anyways.

    Comeback:I learn something new everyday.

  58. "He calls you in a fit, because you haven’t called him."

    That was the number one complaint that this guy I used to date had about me. He also complained that I only had time to see him once a week.

  59. Your skimming and not hearing.
    Women like who they like. and will hate anything and any man they dont respect fear or need.

    It is not about fem qualties and its not about being sappy.
    the "bitchness" is you not wanting them… period.

    Yes black men… as I have said many times, are far more compassionate than any other creature on the planet. you guys just are not ready for the love we have to offer. I have already addressed this and been called a "sell out" when I said that the tenderness and compassion of the black man was a turnoff for the black woman….. and now there is an entire topic about it where you guys are now agreeing with me.
    Every time I am told I am wrong im just gonna save the topic and wait 2 months for the wording to change and you all show me you thought I was right but just didnt want to agree with me because its "me"

  60. and the book goes on.

    "I think its just the single women who cant find men and dont respect men are the ones who are having a problem with the new american black man."

    I take offense to this because I'm a single woman. I haven't complained about "how sensitive black men are," so please don't generalize.

    And I'm not looking to "find a man" as you so eloquently put it, he needs to be finding me.

  61. "Women like who they like. and will hate anything and any man they dont respect fear or need."

    hasani you need to revist this. Re-read and re-read again. this is generally true. Both men and women get away with a whole hellof alot when you actually have romantic interest. If a man is teetering on the line between a lover or just an annoying [email protected] friend-thats where all the softness must be checked and checked well.

  62. okay…so im not holding my tongue, so here it goes

    Why'so's thoughts on today's topic:

    – Men are primarily transmitters, women are primarly receivers. Look at biological design. Adam gave rib, Eve receieved. I'd like to argue with nature, but gravity, will in fact, make things fall.

    – Women love strong men. The most pant-suit wearingest power broker woman secretly wants a guy to sweep her off her feet.

    – Some people will say stuff just to get a reaction or attention. They validate themselves on what other people think of them. Girly men take this to an extreme, more concerned on how they look to other people than who they actually are.

    y so

  63. @Teacia, I'm not trying to be :-(, I have feel like me calling is an investment. If I don't feel like its not moving anywhere, I won't waste mine or his time. When I say I don't care, its not like I don't care about the person but I don't care to be in someone's face like that.

  64. @HNIC: Sweetie, I don't generalize. I'm stating from experience, notice I said "I haven't met him."

    If that one for me is out there and he's black, great, otherwise, I'll simply have to take my fly ass on to another race too. 🙂

  65. @Why so: now don't you feel betta suga, can i get you anything…some sweet tea perhaps?!? anything to make your stay more enjoyable darling.

    @Humble: you lost yourself in that relationship and she in turn lost respect for you. we live and learn.

  66. I agree comeback, but it seems some people are skirting the issue and dont realize it. the topic is about "soft" men. but it really needs to be "I dont like men who I dont like" and thats exactly what I said. Dont point the finger at men saying "MEN DO THE SAME THING TO" because right now we are talking about black women and how they regard us compassionate black men.

    my "softness" is dizzying to women who didnt find me attrqctive on january…. now I have bigger balls but still the same compassion and its now viewed as "sexy" and "refreshing" that I care like I do.

    Seriously guys. we coule reverse this topic and it will remain true.
    (how the conversation would go)

    "OMG I like fugin hate these niggas out here. they all watch football and dont wanna call a sista no more WTF is up with that? a guy took my number and told me he would call me and never did… he must be gay because I got this good shit and he needs to know it!
    My god gurlfriend…. do you know I would kill just to find a black man who cares? god they are all so damn frigid and always so damn macho I wish he would just open up SOMETIMES.

  67. Ok so check it…there's a fine line ladies and gentlemen. We women want a man who is in tune with his emotions but don't make a huge deal out of them, we're emotional enough on our own, keep it together.

    We want for them to acknowledge us, but to not be so consumed with our presence that they lose site of themselves.

    @Jac: it didn't "have" to do shat, but it's cool…he strikes that chord err now and again.

    @Nikki: my bad chic, now you know…and know is what?!?!

  68. @Kris: no worries chic, we gotta learn to stop seeing things so one-sided. not all men who care are bad for us, a little extra attention hasn't ever done anybody any harm.

    Key Word: "little"

    It's when these negroes start gassing our heads up with 94 Octane (work cite: Humble) that we start thinking that they are easily disposable when they're not.

  69. Comeback, yeah picked up that one from a recent ex…he would say it to me all the time and i would flip out b/c i knew that feeeelings were coming behind it, lol. but i guess he rubbed off on me more than i care to admit…hmpt.

    Mic check 1-2,1-2

  70. "Man crush" Comeback I just love your witty demeanor…perhaps Whyso is everything he's always wanted to be confident, smart, the epitome of cool?

  71. Kris gurl i'm just trying to keep the love flowing on SBM.net, cause the devil is a liar and he has a name and his name is…

    …lol, let me stop.

    We're all here to keep each other grounded…ain't that right True?!?!

    Yo TRUE…where you at girl?!?!?

    Comeback did you scare away True, you know not everyone can withstand a Comeback Girl lashing. You must apologize right away…bring balance back to the site, lol.

  72. @T: "@Jaclynn: cut it out now, there’s nothing wrong with a little Man Crush…i have a Chic Crush on Comeback…yep, there I said it!"

    I can second that… Comeback, I want to be like you when I grow up. You're so damn clever and funny.

  73. @Nicki I don't think it will let you show it unless the album is set to everyone. I know Facebook usually has a public url at the bottom even though the profile is private, not sure about the space though since my page is public, but I have both private and public albums.

  74. I agree with the spirit of this post. I've lived on both Coasts and don't believe it's only relegated to the west coast. It's all over the place. I think shit is a result of so many black men being raised by women. I've noticed that among my friends that those who were raised by men have their emotions a lot more in check, ain't focused on fashion like a 16-year old girl, and know how to put their woman in check but respect them at the same time. The guys these days are learning to be men not from fathers but from their moms and from TV and movies. These black men today are walking around confused. They got all this testosterone in them and no man has told them how to manage it on a consistent basis in a mature and responsible way. That's how you get these grown men yelling and screaming and behaving like a woman on one hand and some wearing their emotions on their sleeve and doing dumb shit like shooting other men over gossip and rumors or little shit on the other.

    The whole point an truth of the shit is that boys need men to raise them. Bless my mom, but as good of a woman as she is, she, like 99.9% of all women would do a shifty job raising a son to be a man. It's just not the natural order of things. Women think they can do everything but they can't. Chief among the things they can't do is teach a boy to be a man. It's not working. Ladies if that nigga is no good, don't have babies with him. Damn. Think before you let him smash you raw. You're not doing society any favors.

    BTW, not to threadjack but I wrote last Thursdays post and I'm both black and a man…some of y'all were speculating my identity and that's just an FYI.

  75. "Women love strong men. The most pant-suit wearingest power broker woman secretly wants a guy to sweep her off her feet.

    – Some people will say stuff just to get a reaction or attention. They validate themselves on what other people think of them. Girly men take this to an extreme, more concerned on how they look to other people than who they actually are."

    Why so serious you broke it down and I agree.

    Teacia also made a good point. "We want for them to acknowledge us, but to not be so consumed with our presence that they lose site of themselves."

  76. @Kwame: "The whole point an truth of the shit is that boys need men to raise them. Bless my mom, but as good of a woman as she is, she, like 99.9% of all women would do a shifty job raising a son to be a man."

    …guess that's why you can't keep your dirty dick in your pants huh, poor mama anonymous.

  77. @Mik: thanks babe. I loves ya for that. My first crush in YEARS!

    @Teacia: "…guess that’s why you can’t keep your dirty dick in your pants huh, poor mama anonymous."

    Dammit I would hug you if I could! 🙂

  78. @Teacia
    "you lost yourself in that relationship and she in turn lost respect for you. we live and learn."

    So you are saying she lost respect for me because I wasn't mushy and all emotional.

  79. When a man or woman seems to be too needy or whiny, things aren't balanced. There has to be some balance in a relationship for it to work. Most of the time when the spectrum swings more in favor of one person over the other, the two are not a fit. Instead of acknowledging that, we will continue to date the person and feel smothered or don't feel like the person cares enough.

    Reality is if two people are out of sync with each other, it's not going to work.

    Give me a man who is not afraid to show his emotions, but yet, he's not afraid to stand up and be a man.

  80. wow this got deep real fast,
    anyways all I wanted to add was that I find it difficult to trust someone who goes MIA(no phone calls,email, visits, etc) for days and returns majestically like it's normal. Call it insecure or whatever but I don't trust that disappearing shit, been down that road before, turns out sometimes you should be concerned with said chicks "chill attitude."

  81. *slow clapping*

    MDUBB get the awards for the most logical and non-emotional reaction and response to this post.

    …welcome to our wacky family.

  82. LOL comeback
    yes I can never forget my original mancrush Kobe.

    you should see me at the gym…. I must be gay right? AHh I remember that old post.

    Me have an ability to use truth to make people go into rants? I would disagree but…. well, you can see people creating sites about how much they hate me and want to kill me LOL when I write about gaming and even death threat me when I write in charachter as an evil princess….. ya I have talent.

  83. @Humble: if you're talking about the same ex that you always talk about…yeah you let her run you over with a steam roller, you were not that guy above that i mentioned, you were in fact someone else.

  84. I think some of you women are frontin. I have had way too many women complain about me and dudes period for not being the cake like the dudes are in the topic. I think it matter on how much women like you. If they really like you then they want you to be mushy. If they dont have strong feelings then you dont have to be mushy. I have had a few women call me insensitive, cold, etc. because I dont feel the need to call everyday or I laugh at you when you fall and bust your ass. I think deep down inside some of you women really like cake n**gas.

  85. Humble. Women are strange. but yes they dont respect us the way we are NOW, so we kinda have to act more like how our fathers were eventhough thats not really who we are…. or act more like men who dont want to be in relationships eventhough we want to be with someone.

    ever notice all your REALLY nice guy friends dont have dates but you have that one absolute SCUMBAG of a pal who not only gets zounds of women he gets high quality chicks as well… and your like WTF? thats because this guy knows his worth and all the chicks want to respect him.
    Hell lets just look at ME! Scroll back in post history, I couldnt buy a 2nd date 10 months ago. I got lots of offers for first dates based just on appearance and stats alone, but some kinds of way, sistas want a type of power to actually want YOU.
    so I got tons of first dates, and no 3rd dates. Now, I have to beat women off with a stick and I could care less about any new women that try and come into my life as I am more than satisfied with the set of women I am currently dating and wouldnt trade any of them for all the tea in china. but guess what? me not wanting any of the new women I meet and try and be nice to… only seems to set them off even more!!!

    yes, sistas want what they cant have… i could go all philosophical and say its a based on years and years of struggle as slaves and minorities to always be wanting…. or I could just say women c fugin crazy and its your job to find the ones whose crazy you can deal with.

    One thing I am getting really good at with women, being nice but still having a stern firm handle on the situation. so that when you do anything and I mean ANYTHING for them, they get overly mushy. they need to respect you, and feel they NEED you and you are an asset to them and their lives. so yes, you can be the finest nigga in the world and yo alpha sista will still leave you because she thinks she can "upgrade"
    just know your worth my brotha, any sista who leaves you is missing out. Get in the gym, read some books, stay sharp (and keep your dick out of things) and you will be the prize black man that we all are with women blowin up your phone to be with a well put together man that I know you are.

  86. nikki: your Double D's wont get in my face, im like 6'2 0_o!

    Ill take hugs from all yall though… I like when women are and act happy, especially when I can make an ABW turn all sofy and mushy that just makes my day week and year! 🙂

  87. "I think it matter on how much women like you. If they really like you then they want you to be mushy. If they dont have strong feelings then you dont have to be mushy."

    @Humble: Pretty much…reciprocal attention.

  88. @Nicki Sunshine

    "Couldn’t the same be said for men? If you guys meet a girl and you don’t have strong feelings for, and she calls too much, she’s a pest… If you like her and she doesn’t call “enough” or has a life, then she’s playing games, right?"

    I can't speak for all men. But for me? No. If you want me to call you everyday, fine I will do it because YOU want me too. I dont want to lay under you for 12hrs straight no matter how much I like you. I prefer women that have a life of their own. If I want to do something with you and you can't cool maybe another time. I will find something else to do. I cant stand it when a woman acts like her whole life revolves around you.

  89. I personally like to make men think my life does revolve around them on occasion at least…BUT if you are thinking my life revolves around you, I'm probably off sneaking and creeping. Although, I don't think it's a wise idea to call a woman because she wants you to. I can often sense that and I think it's best to just do it when you want.

  90. @Jac: "BUT if you are thinking my life revolves around you, I’m probably off sneaking and creeping."

    You know, I have a friend whose boyfriend/ now fiance ALWAYS stalked her. She couldn't go ANYWHERE without him calling or showing up.

    I always thought, there is no way he is seeing someone else… but some of my other friends have told me different. Hell, in a moment of weakness, he has tried to get me on the low. I turned him down, but needless to say, I didn't tell my friend. Some women you can say that to and some you can not. I know the difference.

  91. @Kwame: "I’ve found that if I engage in a discussion the “dust” never settles. I don’t want to dominate the post comments and honestly I don’t care at all what people think of me or my behavior …"

    HA dominate the comments, on here…tooting our horn a bit aren't we, don't get smelling ur sh*t so quickly…this is SBM.net, we've been known to dismiss negroes if need be.

  92. "@comeback

    I’ve found that if I engage in a discussion the “dust” never settles. I don’t want to dominate the post comments and honestly I don’t care at all what people think of me or my behavior so any further comments by me would be largely irrelevant. I usually say my piece and when I don’t have anything else substantive to add I bounce.

    "

    if im not mistaken though (3rd eye activate) you've been on here before as someone else. So why use an assumed name. Why play mayor of detroit. If you REALLY don't care. I think you do. And the letter was only an indication to get some validation at least from our men posters. But our men are a little different.

  93. "Some women you can say that to and some you can not. I know the difference"

    Nicki preach on sista, this is a HARD lesson to learn, we need a whole post on this lol

  94. **shout out to our men**

    why so, humble, anti, no more,j mcfly, flyy guy, sbm, lion(where u at homie), and even hasani…one time for being different!!!

  95. "keep your dick out of things) and you will be the prize black man that we all are with women blowin up your phone to be with a well put together man that I know you are."

    this is the main idea…remember weekly reader. I know Hasani is going to bash me for skimming. But sometimes you have to.

  96. Good Afternoon Folks!

    Am I the only woman who wants a little of the list? Jus a lil' bit. Everything in moderation ya know. (minus the outfit description – which is super gay, being mad about NOT getting jealous – that just sounds crazy, and the myspace/facebook status – I HATE dat shat!)

  97. @Cuzzo: "Am I the only woman who wants a little of the list? "

    No girl. I want a little too. I've never had it so I don't know what I'm missing… the dream man MUST be in touch with his feminine side. I posted that about 200 comments ago. 🙂 Everything in moderation, as you say.

  98. @Cuzzo: the consensus is there is a balance needed, i admittedly love my man blowing up my phone…it's all the feeeeeelings that bothers me.

    Man I hate coming home for lunch, cause it's hard for me to get out of bed and go back to "work"…cause we all know that I obviously don't do shat when I'm there.

  99. Right I agree with Nicki I have never had to deal with THIS type (ie the list) of behavior, but i would like to, there is a few guys i have in mind that i would like to fall all out over me BUT they actually display the very type of behavior that the author does, and well thats just not cool lol.

    did hasani write a book???

  100. I just need a man to be a man…and the best one he can be. I don't need you to be what society wants you to be, I don't need you to be who your Mama wants you to be. I need you to be you. And when you're in a relationship with someone you have to be able to take their BS and the same for them and your BS. If you can't do that then what the hell are you in the thing for? If your man is a little feminine deal, or keep it moving.

  101. why so: you know if i hadn't already used my blog hookup card i would crushing on you hard…oh well *sigh*…such is life.

    to my ex: calm down, no hate text please…u know i still love you boy *side winks at why so*

  102. @Cuzzo & Nicki Sunshine – I have learned that you have to do it moderation. Holding things in is not good. There is nothing wrong with showing a woman she cares in ways that she understands. But at the same time she must understand the ways you show that you care and appreciate that.

  103. lmao @ blog hook up card *cough cough* I haven't used mine yet and why so is suppose to be taking me to the common concert…..

    let me stop before my unrelenting type behavior starts getting me in trouble.

    Nicki you ain't never lied

  104. Humble:Bingo. I think that women (as a whole) have a tendency not to see the stuff that you guys do on a daily basis. I still say it doesn't have to be some grandiose romantic gesture. We just like to know that you guys are thinking about us.

    What say you ladies?

  105. HUGH…how in the hell could I forget about Hugh?!?!

    If Jolie were here she would have reminded me.

    *shout out to e-sexy Hugh ole personal training structural engineering azz*

    Lol, I'll stop now. I really do need to do some work today.

  106. @ jac

    Close thread. Your comment won. Nothing else to see here, move on folks.

    @ tea…lol you tryn to shoot trouble my way? I gotta respect SBM's house. But if it wasn't….hmmmmm 😉

  107. I must have spinach in my teeth..

    Nicki look in my teeth do you see spinach???

    these men on here is fuggin with my self esteem I need to go visit vsb or SOMETHING!

  108. LMAO Nicki what do we need to do, bath in some Quaker Oats oatmeal??

    just tell me and I do it! anything to get this shat off!!!

  109. "these men on here is fuggin with my self esteem I need to go visit vsb or SOMETHING!"

    this is VERY funny. Mik. VERY.

    but…yo check it..why you feel like that. We a family so im not sure why the incest is all runnin rampant any damn way.

  110. HA! This post is so true. Unfortunately, older men are the same way sometimes. My friends is dating a guy who is almost 40 and he acts the same way. I want to tell him to reach between his legs and see if he balls are still there. If so, then stop acting like a woman and man up…HA! I know I can be kind of harsh sometimes.

  111. ROTFLMAO!!

    Mikki, you's a fool. A more direct approach may work, like for instance, "he why so, what's up with the common concert…we still going"…all that hinting ain't gonna do you a bit of good. I thought you were a Libra, you're supposed to have this on lock nah!!

    Comeback you certainly may…and we ain't blood cousins.

  112. @Mik: "just tell me and I do it! anything to get this shat off!!!"

    Girl, I'm seriously chuckling my arse off. I'm tearing up.

    LOL. You are beautiful… don't worry about it, doll.

    @comeback: I am voting for yes… it takes me back to '89.

  113. but…yo check it..why you feel like that. We a family so im not sure why the incest is all runnin rampant any damn way.

    This is true Mama Comeback…I think it's cause we're all too sexxxy.

  114. Nicki I was laughing out loud at that myself, girl I hate you get off so early you keep me seriously laughing daily.

    Teacia I hear you but the other part of the Libra in me just says "FUCK IT"

    I vote for "yo check it"

    vote or die b*tches vote or die!! (not sure why i wanted to say that)

    lol comeback incest *i died*

  115. Whyso-You got me choking, laughing and screaming over here.

    Mikki-The man sounds serious you better watch out he might slap you in the face with it.

  116. @Comeback: “George…JAC…you know George who lives on playtex mountain. He comes down every month.”

    I’m over here on the floor! LOL

  117. Why so that was SO NOT FUNTY!!!!

    Teacia CLIMB ON SISTA CLIMB ON, because for every man that dissis me there is one waitin in the wings to sweep me off my feet that I dont have to CHASE after!!

    thats for damn sure!!

  118. LMAO JAC I was having an 8 mile marshall mathers moment

    but its soo cold in the D how the hell do we spozed to keep peace

    *waiving lighter back n forth*

    HAHAHAHA @ HUMBLE, NOW THAT was funty

    Teacia Hostile? Me?? Nahhhhh

  119. Awww lawd. Humble I am sending you some Vaseline cocoa butter lotion.

    Mikki-I am going to Hustler following work to send you a bullet. No thank needed.

    Nicki-I am tired too. I put mine in the drawer (all of them got like 40 toys) and ain't pulled one out yet.

    I am shaking trying not to scream.

    Comeback-See ya then

  120. I know the people in this library think I'm nuts I jumped up and cracked up when I read God may be called to give an introduction.

  121. “Yes black men… as I have said many times, are far more compassionate than any other creature on the planet. you guys just are not ready for the love we have to offer. ”

    Oh Please… cue the violins…. I haven’t met this men in my almost 28 years of life. Just haven’t. Bitter? Maybe. 🙂 But I keep that on the inside.

  122. @Nicki Sunshine – I think I will hit the weights harder at the gym and stop looking at My Collection. Hopefully that will calm me down.

    @Jac – I dont think I need that yet. Hold it just in case.

  123. @Mik: You are on punishment for TWENTY MINUTES for quoting that stupid arse song. Silence.

    @Jac: You are hilarious girl… simply hilarious.

  124. @Humble: PLEASE Tell me you are a guy who says he won't pleasure himself??? PLEASE TELL ME you are not.

    (oh -ish, did I start some X rated stuff?)

  125. im sorry for whom ever missed out on the comment section today cuz this is the funniest day ever…

    Im tryin to hold in my laughin seriously

    comeback what time is the meeting are we doing a conference call? we aint had one of those in a hawt minute

    *WALKING TO PUT MY FACE UP AGAINST THE WALL HOLDING MY ARMS OUT*

  126. “Yes black men… as I have said many times, are far more compassionate than any other creature on the planet. you guys just are not ready for the love we have to offer. I have already addressed this…”

    …and yet he won’t stop.

  127. thanks everyone for the afternoon laughs…lol

    Mikki, I don't know how to say this, but you're a keeper. The rarest of the rare. Dream woman.

    Ergo, there are times in a guys' life when he'd know he'd screw it up… Introduce the "conflict of whyso" Thankfully you guys are helping work it out.

    Plus, i've always wanted to use the word "ergo" in a real sentence. +500 points for me.

  128. "reads memo: ***attention all yaya members there will be a tree house meeting following the VP debates tonite. Yall know the secret knock. Stop wearing yalls heels climbing up my recently shellac’d ladder. Due to the severity of the topic, we will NOT be having cookies."

    …funniest comment of the day.

    Mikki: uh huh

  129. @No More: Thanks, it went well.

    @Kris: damn, that’s kind of harsh.

    @Westindian: i will give you that, a lot of them are the first to jump the broom.

    @Akua: do you have a pic or something that you can link, you never know who’s out there lurking and reads this site, i would advise you to do it on other blogs as well.

  130. lmao Nicki you aren't lying im laughing so hard i cant even focus on the work im NOT doing.

    I need to come out the corner i have something to say to whyso….

  131. seriously, it should read. I hate black men who I dont like.

    complain there are no good black men, but when one actually cares its a sign of weakness.

    Its amazing how this works out.

    Majority of the topics here lead me to belive most of you will take advantage of a man as much as you can… especially those of you who find me as your “antagonist”
    But we will bring up other topics of how much you expect a man to do and how much you expect a man to put up with. Like chivalry… we are supposed to do grandiose things for women.. just because they are women, and there is no female counterpart. Im supposed to buy you a pocketbook to have sex with you… but for some reason NOT fuck the white chick who is just as hot as you are but is not asking me ti buy her anything. Im supposed to not text you but you get upset if I call you 3 times in a day.
    Im supposed to be good looking enough to get any woman but if I can get any woman I am a slut and need to be degraded and “checked” as often as possible.

    Im supposed to respect you as my EQUAL and let you talk to me however you want to. You can call me fool simp and whore…. but when I call you fat in retalliation its an absolute crime of nature for a man to “disrespect” a woman who is somehow now less hardy than we are.

    ya this type of stuff amazes me. you guys need to figure out as a group what you want and what you need. I suggest that should be the new focus of comeback girls blog is figuring out how our culture will make a comeback to our homes families and relationships and understand and appreciate our men.

    we already know how to love. I dont hear white women complaining about how sensetive black men are. Puerto rican women arent exactly upset when I call them twice when they are at work and 2 times when they are at home… just to say whats up and chat. and the asian woman I am seeing said she is happy to know I cared… after I almost put my foot in her ass for not callin me.
    but then again, its not ALL black women who think this way, cuz miss alaska appreciates how tender and compassionate I am for her and says it makes our sex better 😉

    I think its just the single women who cant find men and dont respect men are the ones who are having a problem with the new american black man…..

  132. "I didn’t know either lol, i just looked it up. I heard it on the Matrix movie and always thought it was a cool word."

    …the envision of the perfect man i once knew gently fades away in the distance. *sigh*

  133. Thank you Nicki! whew my arms was starting to shake!

    Whyso that was soooooooo sweet I feel all soft n pink (work site comeback)

  134. @Teacia
    “I think something is in the water, cause they are running rampard these days. Me personally I’m not a big fan of the overt display of emotions. Yes I want to know that you love me, but I don’t need the mushy mushy stuff that comes with it.

    I think it’s all this education, you don’t normally run into these kinds of problems with me who are labor workers, they tend to ignore the little shit b/c they have bigger issues on their plate…like surviving. But our well educated progressive brothers have seemed to turn into a bunch of whining little b*tches. They are so used to life being good and going their way that when the smallest thing doesn’t happen according to plan they freak out and b*tch up.”

    This is where I am confused. One of the biggest problems I had in my last relationship was this issue. I am like the way you stated above. My ex couldn’t stand it. I think it was one of the reasons we broke up.

  135. niki sunshine:
    If you havent met the new american black male in 28 years you may have already missed him. most of us are paired up by 28 and off the market.
    If you want to CLAIM that we arent compassionate….. I can pull up the number of black men who are married or domestically co-habitated compared to our counterparts…. but I would be called a geek who manipulates numbers or “hating” on black women for showing black men are loveable.

    4 highest interracial couples, black males are 2nd 3rd and 4th on the list. we will disqualify the #1 couple because white man just takes what he wants and asian women are it.
    so that leaves black male (dispite being so “soft”) asthe number one choice mate for women to date outside their culture.

    if we arent lovable…. then what are you comparing us to?

  136. @Nicki: i actually knew what it meant, i even use it often…my friends and i are big on intellectual sarcasm, get us together in a room and it's re-dic-u-lus!!

  137. OMG…maybe the women of this blog just have problems with this one man. Perhaps it is not that we do not know what we want perhaps we just don’t want you. Perhaps when the women here open their mouths and say something you feel that it is directed solely towards you and it is not AND when someone says something that you don’t like you feel disrespected and immediately do or say something that is derogatory. I don’t think not one woman here has problems finding a man and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we do respect black men. We are the same women who held BMAD on 9/17 and we were genuine. We just do not like someone always telling us their stats as though they’re the absolute sh!t. We’re all human, we have simple things and complicated things about us. We make mistakes, bad judgments and horrible statements just like every other human…call a spade a spade and just say you’re insecure and you think lording your dates and women over the people here will make us think higher of you. Well you’re wrong.

  138. “Some people will say stuff just to get a reaction or attention. They validate themselves on what other people think of them. Girly men take this to an extreme, more concerned on how they look to other people than who they actually are.”

    Does anyone here see a trait of someone we all know in what Whyso just said? I mean wow…from another compassionate (I’m sure you are) black man.

  139. @Jac: *aaaand end scene*

    @Nicki: she could upload the picture to any website like imageshack or picturetrail and then post a comment with the url of the uploaded pic…hell she can even do it from her myspace.

    @Kris: we tend to take for granted the attention(not insecurity driven attention) of a good man, don’t be so dismissive.

  140. I have been trying to catch up with the comments and been failing horribly, so I just decided to randomly put some things out there.

    Went to the strip club last night. Am I the only one who doesn't see anything wrong with hitting the strip club on a work night? I was home by 1230 and it was free to go in! I know someone has to feel me on this.

    Whats good with the calendar. The new year is coming and we need to get the shooting on and popping before it gets to cold over here! And how are we gonna choose the cover girl? I think some type of competition is in order. I'll leave that up to the other guys here.

  141. @Mikki – From the way you have been sounding lately you better get a cure for your warehouse syndrome. You dont want any regrets on your resume.

  142. Whats this I see about masturbating and vaseline?

    And since when did celibacy become the hot thing? And to think my blog is where celibate people are coming to congregate … thats shocking. Maybe I need to get that post on anal sex on and poppin.

  143. lmao Teacia I didn't lick my lips but my eyes sure did follow him lol. thats it im taking myself out after work # 2 i gotta shake this before my horoscope comes true

  144. "wouldnt that be funny if when he walked by again i just yelled “aye warehouse!!”"

    …literally burst out laughing on that one. and on that note folks i'm out, gotta get to class. ttyotfs(talk to yall on the flip side)…and that will be the last time i write that out in full.

  145. @Nicki: Was that you talking about tuna steaks a few weeks ago. I am going grocery shopping tomorrow and I wanted to try them. I think that is what they are called. Does anybody have any new dishes I can try this week?

  146. SBM

    After what I witnessed at Magic City, there is NO time wrong to go to the skrip cluhhhhhh.

    and you want it a little bit cold for the calendar shoot. Yes. a bit nippy. mwahaahaaa

  147. @Ms. D: nope, not me. I asked about them but someone was giving us the lowdown and I don't know who.

    I'm outtie peoples… TTYTomorrow.

  148. @SBM

    "Went to the strip club last night. Am I the only one who doesn’t see anything wrong with hitting the strip club on a work night? I was home by 1230 and it was free to go in! I know someone has to feel me on this"

    Nothing wrong with it. I got friends that do this.

    "Maybe I need to get that post on anal sex on and poppin."

    WOW thats on uhh. IDK. I got that backshot topic ready for you.

  149. @Humble: I'm saying … you talk about this backshot post … but my email remains bare. You can get ur name out there on a Thursday.

    @Why So: Ahhhh … Magic City. And you got a point about the cold … but thats what ice cubes are for.

    @Nicki: What can I say … I'm a freak

    @All: So I'm trying to get the jokes but am so lost and read the comnmets. What's this wharehouse joke?

  150. @LostWithoutU: Uhhh … OK

    @Comeback: Didn't you get kicked out of the calendar for something you said to me???

    @Nicki: I finally get on and now your leaving … damn … the anal sex thing was a joke …

  151. @humble

    yeahhhhhhhhh buddy. backshot appreciation week/month.

    @sbm

    resourceful person you are. where there's a will, there's a ways

    yo, i'm not gonna jinx, but today's been a good day. Speaking of ice cubes ***cues up "today was a good day***

  152. And why is YBL lurking in the shadows, we know you’re reading today. I’m sure SBM told you that you were being featured.

    Come out come out wherever you are…as you can see we got your back full-fledged.

    @Jaclynn: cut it out now, there’s nothing wrong with a little Man Crush…i have a Chic Crush on Comeback…yep, there I said it!

  153. Yo..check it True is ruff and stuff too…I thought I apologized last week. She did say that we ALL were on an ivory tower. To which i stated that SBM should do a post on all the fuyk ups we’ve made. I offered mine.

    She cool wit me. I’ll stop by her site today. Does anybody kno the address. Its like what dc black people hate??

  154. what tha hell did i say. A woman needs to be involved CREATIVELY. namely because women are gonna ALSO need to be buying these calandar's…its needs to have a yaya pu$$y cat doll vibe…and you can't have that with a man being the be all end all visionary. Additionally all these fine ladies need to be represented in their true womanhood..all shapes and sizes.

    but go ahead on without me…if you can't forgive me for something i don't even remember sayin.

    gotta go..

  155. i crush all yall man. I crush Nicki’s short fly cut, I crush Jolie’s mattress memory foam style, I crush T’s and Bree’s uninhibitedness and their perky boobies, I crush JAC’s overall young free spirit which trumps anybody’s on here, I crush how SBM gets all sensitive then comes out with all his guns ablazin, I crush (oh lord what am I about to start here) HNIC’s (ummmm….ability to pull us ALL in to his rants like crack LOL. I crush Shelia’s literay spice and old school music love. I crush whyso’s edgy democratic yet “tell it like it is peace making spirit”, I crush Mik’s ability to save 14Gs by next year and make a website about it and all her other real estate activities. I crush no more cuz he edgy with a conscience.

    I crush Anti’s scientific pocket calculator and how his @zz makes every social topic …some type of crazy graph and trending. I crush Humble..cause he is so humble and nice awe….

    all the new people…comeback somemore so i can crush on yall.

  156. Man…Comeback that just took me back to like 4th grade when everybody writes something nice about everybody else and then you get all your compliments on paper for Christmas.

    Thanks chick!

  157. I'm late to the party.

    Anyway, who is this sucker in this post? What heterosexual man wants to sit around and talk about his feewings? Talking about feelings doesn't mean anything anyway. Talk is cheap, your actions tell you how you feel about a person.

    If your girl doesn't call and you want to hear her voice, pick up the damn phone. Where does pride even come into the picture here? He's mad because his girl didn't introduce him and he didn't get out of the car? I don't need a woman wearing a Hugh Jazz #22 jersey proclaiming to the world, "that's my man!" Whoever this dude is, he has some serious insecurity issues.

    Anyway, back to work. How do you guys stay employed?

    PS: Ladies, get the calendar together, it's for a good cause. You have three months.

  158. Teacia last weekend u had me watching all them Greys episodes from season 4 and i was an emotional reck after all that lol. I understand everybodies quarks n qualms except for ALEX, he is acting like a female to the upmost lol. wtf is wrong wit his ass?

  159. @comeback

    I’ve found that if I engage in a discussion the “dust” never settles. I don’t want to dominate the post comments and honestly I don’t care at all what people think of me or my behavior so any further comments by me would be largely irrelevant. I usually say my piece and when I don’t have anything else substantive to add I bounce.

  160. @Comeback: “Hasani i really feel like you need a hug.”

    I think so too… all the ABW (or perceived ones), lets get together for a group hug for him…

    I’m shoving my double d’s (or lack there of) all on his face, since I’m on the taller side of the spectrum.

  161. @SBM: what is this calender about again? great SBM boobs?

    work was draining today – should I take a nap or a backshot? hmmm

  162. I would buy one. is it gonna be slutty or classy? hoping for the latter.

    @Humble: *sigh* yes, I do know what you would say. I think I'll opt for the nap and maybe I'll wake up to something else.

  163. @Humble: Couldn’t the same be said for men? If you guys meet a girl and you don’t have strong feelings for, and she calls too much, she’s a pest… If you like her and she doesn’t call “enough” or has a life, then she’s playing games, right?

  164. "I would buy one. is it gonna be slutty or classy? hoping for the latter"

    I think this is where we have the creative differences. I suggested Esther Baxter or Bria Myles for creative director but Comeback had issues with it.

  165. I suggested Esther Baxter or Bria Myles for creative director"

    I'm not familiar with either of their work. Is it slutty? If so, why would you want to see your sistren all smutted out across the pages like that?

  166. @Cuzzo
    "*sigh* yes, I do know what you would say. I think I’ll opt for the nap and maybe I’ll wake up to something else."

    Wow, ok you do know me. lol. I wish I could wake up to something else. This club is getting old. lol

  167. damnit dont play with my emotions like that… you cant be a black woman with a name like “sunshine” after harlem nights and talk about how you have DD’s…. us brothas get emotional….
    (intended pun)

    I accept cyber hugs as well as paypal.

  168. I am forever amazed.

    Humble:I changed my mind about the lotion. Sending something else instead 🙂

    Hugh: Hey hun, how are ya?

    I cannot fathom all that's going on here…This blog is too much.

    Mikki&Comeback:Will this conference call be over Skype? Let me know when it starts.

    My stomach hurts from all the laughter of today.

  169. @Cuzzo
    "I’m not familiar with either of their work. Is it slutty? If so, why would you want to see your sistren all smutted out across the pages like that?"

    That was a joke. I wouldn't want to see any of you like that. I respect the women too much to play them like that.

  170. @Humble: you have no prospects my dear? You're not in the club just for the paraphernalia are you? Mikki will have to take the sweater back then. Y come you cannot focus if you start having sex again?

  171. THAT'S IT!!!! "my dear sweet brother Numpsey"…Eddie Murphy in Golden Child.

    I've been racking my brain for months trying to figure out where I got that saying from but it hit me as I was in the car riding to class.

    Oh yeah I posted the random outburt yall…felt like keeping the crazy going…nothing like a random outburst by a complete stranger to keep things silly.

    "Now get silly…" (work cite: some random rapper)

  172. @Cuzzo – Thats my d**k talking. I'm sticking to being focused. I could focus if I found the right one. But the problem is the time spent finding the right one.

  173. Back on shortly till this boring A class starts.

    @SBM: Nah, it wasn't your anal comment. My day for the man ends at 330 eastern, then I have school er'day after…

    Now I have to catch up on comments

  174. Hey Everyone
    Sorry that I haven't commented today. I had clinical from 6:00 am to 1:00 pm cali time (I'm a nursing student). So I read through most of the comments, hoped you all enjoyed the post.
    I stand by what I wrote, if I am seeking a young MAN, then a man is what I want. Not a thug, roughneck, woman beater..but a man who is able to hold his own- and treats me like a lady. Showering me with gifts doesn't make him a man, being flashy doesn't make him a man. He needs to be secure in who he is as an individual. Have this inner strength about him that you can just feel and see. I am not whinny, clingy, or over-bearing- so I do not want my man to be like that either.
    I have noticed this shift of character in the guys me and my friends encounter. If me and a guy has just started dating, and its been less than a month, why are they adding their last name to my first. I'm not going to repeat all what I wrote in my post, but these woman like tendencies are not attractive.
    Anyway, I have end the relationship with said "boyfriend". I'm young, overly-productive, and I stay on top of my priorities. When I get in a relationship with someone, they are not on the top of my priority list. They eventually work their way up based on the growth in our relationship over time(and I would hope "he" would see it the same way). So after a few weeks of dating, and his need to occupy every minute of my day, things didn't work out. Can't blame me for wanting to take my time to allow things to grow. Major red-flag was after two weeks of being in a relationship he say "thats why I love you". 9/10 on my list were traits he exhibited.

  175. Jac: "Hugh: Hey hun, how are ya?"

    Work day (at the first job) is almost over, so I'm good.

    Cuzzo: "I’m not familiar with either of their work. Is it slutty? If so, why would you want to see your sistren all smutted out across the pages like that?"

    We don't want to see you girls slutted out. But we do want the calendar.

  176. @ mikki

    You sure that’s what you want? We’re trying to keep you in your celibacy club…CELIBACY CLUB UNITE haha, i couldn’t help myself

  177. Mikki you betta gone jump on that…

    Trust me, for every door you slam shut there will be chics like me climbing through the window…lol.

  178. Right now I feel the Celibacy Club is some bulls**t. I am really thinking about cancelling my membership. The only thing thats keeping me in is my warehouse syndrome. I dont want anything on my resume that I will regret.

  179. I forgot to add that my priorities are keepping in the Celibacy Club too. Sex damn near made me forget about them.

  180. “Trust me, for every door you slam shut there will be chics like me climbing through the window…lol.”

    Dear Sweet Baby Jesus

    reads memo: ***attention all yaya members there will be a tree house meeting following the VP debates tonite. Yall know the secret knock. Stop wearing yalls heels climbing up my recently shellac’d ladder. Due to the severity of the topic, we will NOT be having cookies. There won’t even be tea. Please bring your composition note books and be ready to take notes and vote***

  181. @Comeback: “Dear Sweet Baby Jesus

    reads memo: ***attention all yaya members there will be a tree house meeting following the VP debates tonite. Yall know the secret knock. Stop wearing yalls heels climbing up my recently shellac’d ladder. Due to the severity of the topic, we will NOT be having cookies. There won’t even be tea. Please bring your composition note books and be ready to take notes and vote***”

    oh SHAT. Yaw have got to quit making me bust out like this…. I promise I need my job.

  182. it means “therefore”

    I didn’t know either lol, i just looked it up. I heard it on the Matrix movie and always thought it was a cool word.

  183. @Mik: Girl, hear? I have tons of *HIT I need to be doing… but since I’m laughing on here I haven’t done it. I’ll tell my boss I have stomach cramps or somthing (damn, it’s great being a woman sometimes!)

    Come out that corner girl….

  184. @why so serious?
    “Ergo, there are times in a guys’ life when he’d know he’d screw it up… Introduce the “conflict of whyso”

    I am still working on this. I will f**k up royally.

    @Nicki Sunshine
    “PLEASE Tell me you are a guy who says he won’t pleasure himself??? PLEASE TELL ME you are not.”

    Hmmmm? Do we want to go there?

  185. @Humble: LOL. Probably not.. Thanks for stopping me there. We always have some way of bringing sex into the topic on here, don’t we????

    @Mik: when you say soft and pink, it make me think of???? EWWWWWW

  186. @T: “Nicki: i actually knew what it meant, i even use it often…my friends and i are big on intellectual sarcasm”

    LOL. Not me… I’m that good ole “40 year old virgin” immature humor girl.

  187. @Nicki Sunshine
    “I’m that good ole “40 year old virgin” immature humor girl.”

    I am in the same club. People don’t get how I can watch a Seth Rogan movie and be into Noam Chomsky and hood s**t.

  188. “my warehouse syndrom person just walked by, damn he been walking back n forth by here all day !!!!”

    lmao, why can i see your eyes following him as he walks by, like damn while licking your lips.

  189. No she's not a freestyler…she's not answering any of the questions. I knew she was going to throw in soccer…did that on the first question…had the nerve to mention age when her running mate is the oldest one running–how dumb is that.

  190. she definitely isn't polished but she will fool the idiots. i think she needs to relax a bit b/c those Ohio voters aren't really feeling her.

  191. Teacia, she's only repeating what she's been taught. She doesn't know any of this on her own and the stuff she's being taught isn't 100 percent accurate. That's why she seems caught off guard on some things–she just doesn't know.

    Now out of fairness, one of the questions neither one of them answered.

    He got a jab in though with the "bridge to nowhere"

  192. She must have failed English at all four of those colleges, because she has trouble formulating a complete sentence using correct syntax.

    Miss South Carolina is running for VP, it's a sad day indeed.

  193. Energy is her forte, she's from Alaska. However she thinks that global warming is "God hugging us a little tighter", lol…ad that's a direct quote. Which is why Biden is like you can't fix if you don't think it's broken.

  194. Yes…Mik & Jac–where you at???

    HOw is wanting to bring our troops home surrender? That woman is a trip. Now she's trying to use his words when he was running as pres. candidate against him.

    Every time she comes at him though—he comes right back at her. Go O'Biden.

  195. I'm getting tired…bored, she's not going to really mess up. The silence when ut was her turn to rebut was about as bad as it's going to get, I'd rather watch her one on one interviews where she's sure to bomb, lol.

    I do think she comes off as a bit annoying with all of the voice influctions, drives me crazy. It shows a since of insincerity.

  196. He's kicking ass with the facts though, but he will not attack her. She's holding her own, which I knew she would, but she's definitely not going to win this one.

    Oh and Jac's young tail is out with friends.

    I think Palin comes off as a smart ass nagging wife and the men will be turned off, the women think she's being unnecessarily condescending so she's going to lose on both fronts with Independents.

  197. lol…she keeps dropping names–the ones she learned during her crash course this week like that's supposed to impress folks–maybe some if they're shallow.

  198. is Biden sighing in the mic while she's talking…lol, lol, lol, like "shut up you dumb broad, you have no idea what you're talking about."

  199. Yes, he does need to tighten it up but unfortunately he's being nice because she's a woman–which to me in this case, it's not fair—but he knows he can't do what he could if she was a man because the media would be all over it.

    He's gotten a few jabs in though.

  200. I thought he was going to cry for a minute…he touched me…I said all of that to say Palin's trick for sympathy didn't work.

  201. Now he was sincere and that's why what he said touched me…she is a fake and there doesn't seem to be anything sincere about her—unless she's talking about soccer or energy.

  202. Mikki, every body will say that their person won the debate—which is expected. Overall I think Biden faired well. Palin when asked a question went around the world and back instead of answering directly. Her strong point was energy. Biden's strong point was domestic affairs and foreign affairs.

  203. CBS is saying that because of her language she connected to the people. So basically they're saying Buffy (doing my fake valley girl voice now) from around the way could be a VP candidate–as long as she can talk about soccer and energy.

  204. Comeback Girl…I was referring to this comment of hers (which I wasn't the only one who picked up on it…might be a little bias though): "I like being able to answer these tough questions without the filter, even, of the mainstream media kind of telling viewers what they've just heard. I'd rather be able to just speak to the American people like we just did."

  205. Love how the topic got hijacked and the debate was followed on here. SBM I guess your overdue for a discussion about this eh?

    Anyway, i'll have to pass on this post to a few people that i know. They need to read this.

  206. why dont you black women go hijack… umm comebackgirls blog topics and keep the stuff here relivant to single black male life and topics at hand?

    though I must agree… Sara Palin is swelteringly hawt. I could care less if she makes ya'll angrys nervous because shes republican, educated MARRIED and …well fuggin hawt. I only care about the fact that she looks like she belongs in a "milfs lost in the hood part 47" Wicked video with like Jake Steed and Justin Slayer givin her backshots.

    All the men of SBM, yall need to come up this way and we go to SCORES. you have not been to a real strip club until you come here. Like seriously… I went to a club in baltimore and they had women over the age of 25 up in there. who wants to pay to see Milfs? the south better get up on this 18 year old Brazillian kick or be left behind in the strip club game!

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