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Dating & Poverty: Blog Action Day

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***** Admin Note *****
So an email late last night from an overseas reader, told me that today, Oct 15th 2008, was Blog Action Day and that the theme this year was poverty.  I scraped the post I had for today and threw this together because I respect what their trying to do.
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I often talk about money on here.  Whether it’s me talking about having it, yearning for someone else who has it, trying to get more of it, or how I’m not spending it … but have you ever thought about what it would really be like if you just didn’t have it.

And I don’t mean “I wish I could buy that purse” not have it … I mean “It’s so cold in here with no hear” no having it …

Being a guy and living my life as a guy … I can only speak on this from the male perspective … in addition to the fact it wouldn’t be a problem for a woman.  We pay for dates and we provide … hell I think some 40% of housewives would fall under the poverty line if they weren’t married.

I was watching Seinfeld (great show) today … and the episode on was the one where Elaine discovers the guy she is dating is poor.  And not just “this month is kind of tight” … I mean the digging in dumpsters for food type of poverty.  She decided to drop him because of his financial status (in addition to fact she found out he was married).  So while it shows she wasn’t as accepting of his impoverished status … apparently someone was.

See Also:  Great Relationship #Swindles

As a man we want to provide for the significant woman in our lives (generally speaking) … so if we can’t do this there is going to be a huge strain on the relationship that is trying to be formed.

But for the woman … do you simply write this person off because they can’t provide for you … or do they actually get credit for being a good guy?  Suppose he hit hard times … suppose he just blew all of his money … or does it even matter?

In DC 1 out of every 5 people are at or below the poverty line … and while this obviously higher than the national average … its a reality for a lot of people.

Also, I know as a guy I can’t stand a woman who is too boughie or stuck up to even care about the impoverished.  Because I know anything can happen … and I don’t want to be with anyone who snubs there nose at those who have less.

Actually … new wifey test.  Within the 1st three months, one date is going to involve working at a homeless shelter.  If she aint with it … fail!

So … what are your thoughts on Poverty & Dating and Poverty in general???

Comment(90)

  1. fascinating juxtaposition here. :O well, finding out how the other person deals with money is important, if you'd like to get into something more long term with that person. important, but tricky. :O

    saw this post via the front page of blog action day. it's great that you're participating. 🙂

  2. " but have you ever thought about what it would really be like if you just didn’t have it."

    i rebuke this message in the name of Jesus/Buddah/Tao/Allah/Spirit Earth.

    Like I wrote last Friday I take NOTHING for granted NOTHING. And I realize that I am in the right place at the exact right time in my life. Money is energy and an exchange. And neither does it REALLY belong to me. Last Sunday I was in church (a church who is very transparent and does alot of good in the community). She "amened", "hemed and hawed" put on real Jesus show (Im a little conservative with my praise but its a personal thing). Anyway when it came time to TITHE/provide an offering. This chick had nothing to say. Didn't move and was seated.

    I don't know the lady and thusly can't pass a real judgement. Maybe she just didn't "have it". But part of having money is giving it away. I'm not going to get into specifics because to me its not important who knows what I do with my money. But I find it amusing how people who are always crying broke (even before the recession) never got the memo on time/money tithing.

    If its God;s money. And you refuse to give ANY OF IT WAY. I really look upon such activity as stealing from God. And if you steal from God. Other people/things (poverty consciousness etc) will certainly steal from you.

  3. Re: a man who doesn't have money. Again I take a real spiritual approach. I don't really care how much a man makes seriously. Most of the nice things I want, I can buy myself.

    What I do care about is how he views wealth. Is he poor in spirit? Is he poor in thought? I can say this, that I don't really attract "broke men". Why because there is a correlation in this part of the world to being poor in "thoughts, words and actions" and not having two pennies to rug together. I saw this on my mother's side of the family ALOT. The converse on my father's side.

    So no I don't go out and "seek" men who have money. But I find that those with a vision, wealthy in thoughts, do'ers, etc…ususally find themselves in great situations financially. And im not interested in mentoring a man who is a negative seed sower. Negative thoughts and actions are too contagious. And they do nothing for the world in positive ways. So that man with a sad story and NO game plan to move forward can pass me by. i cannot afford the negative residue.

  4. Hi SBM. Thanks for raising such an important issue!

    I have only been living in DC for a few weeks now but the thing that has really struck me are the number of homeless people- I'm not saying we did not have problems like this back in the UK but it was definately not to the extent I have seen here. And the really awful thing is that to me at least it seems so racialised- pretty much all the homeless people I have seen have been black which has really struck a chord. I don't know enough about the history here to have a deeper understanding of why that is the case so maybe I can get some insight from you all?

    And on the dating side of things- I could never see myself with a man who doesn't give a monkeys about whats going on in the rest of the world or within his community. That says alot to me about their character. Maybe thats because I'm a hippy 😉

  5. I have to agree with comeback, that its way more about positivity than any actual dollar amount. I mean so the saying goes negativity breeds negativity. How can you be with a man who has no vision for his future?

    Further more to many people out here are prideful. I think if your of good moral character and standard then NO job is going to be to good, so with that said I need you to bet out there doing SOMETHING, delivering pizza, news papers, or what ever. I believe also in encouraging my man, if he doesn't want to work 9-5 great, lets cultivate ideas and get you motivated enough to do what it is you love and be successful at it.

    SBM you mentioned that a lot of house wives would be below the poverty line, but you failed to mention that had it not been for those women making sacrifices and allowing the man to pursue a dream while they held the fort down and encouraged THEN they wouldn't be pulling down the money they do!!

    HOLLA!!

  6. I agree with Comeback…. In order to receive, you have to give and GOD will bless you Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above.

    I work downtown and while sometimes I give to the homeless or have even sat down to have a chitchat with one, I'm also guilty of harried… "I don't have it response." It really depends on my mood… after a crappy day at work I'm more likely to rush away… Now, I know this isn't right, for I call myself a Christian, and need to be beaming that light 100% (working on it!)

    As for a mate, I don't expect really extravagant gifts anyway… so as long as he's not a liability… now if we are seriously talking marriage, our finances need to be on the same wavelength, for that has ruined many marriages.

  7. OK either you girls are adapting to the topic

    flip floping because its a new day

    or you have short memories

    because I think if we rewind 8 months back comeback was leading the charge against me for being a black man who had a good job, college educated, tall, nice, built, friendly but GASP… was a bum scrub niggah because I earn 15 dollars an hour… the horror!!!

    I was even told I was "dating up" and shouldnt be dating the women I did because I somehow was not in their league….. ya know since I made such an offensive amount of money and all.

    now a man dosent have to make baller money? Im so confused.
    if the money grubbing attitude has fallen out of that type of black woman… I am happy and ecstatic for the change… but I think its just talk. power and money are still the most respected things in our culture from our women for the most part.

    I have been so poor I couldnt pay heat and I just finished my last week of bringing home 1700 every friday.
    like night and day how a few lbs of muscle and an extra 0 behind your paycheck can change the way sistas out here regard you. which is a shame because I have always been the same loving black male with or without it.

  8. I'm glad you wrote this. It is ironic that you wrote this because this guy I'm talking to has just hit a hard time. His ex-gf emptied out his bank account and he was of course embarrassed to let me know what he was going through. But it doesn't change my opinion of him because if I were in the same situation I would want someone to have some compassion and understanding when it came to me.

  9. "because I think if we rewind 8 months back comeback was leading the charge against me for being a black man who had a good job, college educated, tall, nice, built, friendly but GASP… was a bum scrub niggah because I earn 15 dollars an hour… the horror!!!"

    Hasani you complained I believe of your rate of pay. I told you that previous notions and theories you espoused had you sounding like a slave. You connected the dots not me.

  10. how can you be with a man with no vision of his future?

    sheesh and here I thought a partner was only supposed to love honor and protect you… silly me.

    you never know whats gonna happen in the future. I was supposed to be married, building a shed and raking leaves in my new 3 bedroom house with a wife and a son….. life happens dear.

    I have had women leave me this year after they found out I was earning 15/hr….. Miss ER stays with me and didnt care what I earned. so she feels rather good now that shes with a man who can buy her an $800 watch and a $300 dress….

  11. well

    being the person damn near eviction, being without a car, having to let dad keep the kids for a while cause I was being garnished 40% of my paycheck (well actually the garnishment was 25%..the other money went to TAXES!!! ) I was pretty much BROKE AS SH*T, living in a one bedroom apt in the "hood"

    I came from a home, to a luxury highrise apt, to a beautiful condo to a brand new townhouse, to a moderate condo after my divorce and now im back in the hood.

    I have slowly gotten back on my feet, I have a car again..and recently a 2 bedroom apat (still in the hood..but its what I can afford)

    I have indeed been very humbled by this experience.

    I have never been "money hungry" or "bougie" to begin with…but I didn't think I'd ever "have" to move back to the hood…(well my apt complex is actually nice but its still considered the "hood" by you bougie folk)

    I was born and raised in the hood, not in poverty but ..u know they hood..SE!

    umm…what was the topic about again

  12. Hasani I wasn't attempting to say we can predict our future, but i find it rather hard to believe you "just can't find a job" etc….. there is always work out there. I DIDN'T say money doesn't matter but it doesnt matter for the sake of what you can buy me, it matters for the sake of you being able to take care of your damn self.

    I buy my own shat!

    LOL @ TRUE!!!

  13. oh and I had water turned off..and electric before

    So I know BROKE!!!

    lol

    and i still dont have it like that..nor do I pretend to. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I DONT HAVE ALOT OF MONEY

    I make due..pay my bills, treat my self occasionally..but no im not BALLING

    I dont expect to be with a baller and fully understand if a man has to have a roomate or not have a car (like I said..im not big on keeping appearances cause u never know what someone may be lyin about..recently we found out a girl who claimed she had a mortgage was really renting..but anyways)

    and..umm…as far as tithing..I hope you dont just mean giving to your local church

    you can "give" to your fellow man other ways

    donate clothes, food, time DIRECTLY to the source

    So if you feel like u can sit on your high horse cause you giving to your local church on sunday and nothing else..please get off (and NO IM NOT ASSUMING thats all you do)

    Yup I said it..sorry but thats how I feel

  14. " (and NO IM NOT ASSUMING thats all you do)"

    yeah please don't-that was an example and the way in which most people tithe. We've got one person whose mastering that art on here. We don't need one more.

  15. You know, Chris Rock said in his latest comedy hour that women can't regress financially–that is, once we date a man who has money, we can't date one who doesn't. I don't necessarily agree with that, but it was funny as hell!

    I think that as women, we're often not given enough credit for working with the men we care about. My man having enough money to buy me a new Prada bag is not nearly as important as his ability to engage in a in-depth discussion about the current political climate, economic situation, good reads, etc. That said, I can't be with someone who isn't trying.

    One of the issues that I've run into is that a number of the men I've dated had a serious problem with me making more $$ than them. Is this a problem for you fellas out there??

  16. ur excused..LOL

    listen im very passionate about this topic NAMELY because I've lived BOTH SIDES in my own family. My parents split when I was little but my WHOLE life i was intimately familiar with how both sides lived and thought. My parents were odd couples-along with their respective families. My paternal grandfather owned one of the first black cab companies in DC in the 50s. My uncle (on my daddy's side) owned a jaguar dealership for more than 20 years in NJ. His sisters were also local and prosperous business owners. On my mother's side was a stark contrast. Her brother and father skilled masons have a lot of work that can still be seen on Embassy row near dupont circle. But they were always struggling. I saw this stark contrast ALL MY LIFE.

    And I thought ALOT about why both sides of my family WERE SO DIFFERENT.

    I'd even say that in many ways my mother's side was smarter. But they were CONSTANT VICTIMS.

    It boiled down to…..pure…unadulterated.

    thought.

  17. I watch Seinfeld every night before going to bed. I remember the episode.

    A man's paycheck doesn't determine his character so no I wouldn't hold it against him. If he does make a nice salary, then I would look at how he spends his money. It's not even about how much he's willing to spend on me. Does he waste it and spend it on frivilous things? Does he volunteer or give to charitable organizations? If the man makes less money, does he sacrifice to do something nice for me or others. The fact that I know he doesn't really have it, but is willing to share the little he does have with others means a lot. In the end, it goes back to his character–and you can't put a price on a man with good character.

  18. I wouldn't have my dude "waste" his money on a prada purse for me

    ilk..its a PURSE for crying out loud

    lol

    as partners…each person IMO should be independant…

    I dont want my sons gettin with a woman and then having to take care of all her bills before marriage..thats a sign of the times

    and vice versa..I aint gettin with no man thats 30 and live with his momma…lol…they be like "I live with my mom to help her out"

    Now there is a diff..I dated a guy whose momma lived with HIM (really she did…it was his place) thats diff

    but dont give me that crap about u living with moms in HER HOUSe to help her out

    GET UR OWN….y can't u help ur mom out and maintain ur own place

    I think a lot of people are afraid to live in something thats not "immpressionable" …cause they afraid of what people gon say

    unfortunately..I have no choice…thats life

    I can't go broke keeping up with the joneses when they prolly got 50,000 in debt to sustain their way of life

  19. I have dated men of all different income brackets… I did use to be that chick who couldn't be with someone unless they were able to accommodate certain requests or take me certain places, fly me here or fly me there… Don't get it twisted I was able to do everything that I required from them for myself but at the time my attitude was you need to be able to do for me what I can do for myself or better. Then about 3 yrs ago I met a guy whom I was really feeling and he didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… my tune changed and I found myself helping dude make his ends meet. Now with that being said I won't be helping all ninjas fiscally, but if I know you are TRYING to get up out of your slump then I will be there. Unfortunately like Kanye said- "And when he get on he gon' leave ya a$$ for a white girl.." It wasnt a white girl but when he got back into the swing of things and back on his grind he definitely became brand new… But I did learn some things from that experience with him because like I said before I never thought I could be with someone while they were down and I definitely didn't believe in opening the Louis to pay for a date or help out on the bill… This is all changed now!! I'm a changed woman 🙂

  20. I don't care if a man can support me and buy me things and actually sometimes i am too hard headed/independant to let a man buy me things. However it is important to me that he can support himself. And maybe right now he isnt making as much as he needs but as long as he is trying and isnt knocking on my door constantly for money (here there i dont mind – constantly not okay anymore) then i dont care how much he makes/doesnt make.

    and as comeback said it's a lot about attitude and staying positive. if he is always negative about his lack of money then i dont want to be around that. if he stays positive and works hard and attempts to make things better for himself then it's all gravy.

  21. "I think a lot of people are afraid to live in something thats not “immpressionable” …cause they afraid of what people gon say "

    this is bullshyt to me. I really could care less what people think. I'll shop at Target, Barney's and then go the thrift store. All these things float my boat. No one else's. Its about having your own personal convictions of living your OWN truth.

    When your life feels right it works. When it doesn't it doesnt.

  22. @Miss Cortez
    "One of the issues that I’ve run into is that a number of the men I’ve dated had a serious problem with me making more $$ than them. Is this a problem for you fellas out there??"

    I could care less. In matter of fact you get points in my book. Its only a problem when women have money and use that as some type of emotional crutch for other issues they have. I think that the men that have problems with women making more money than them are men that define their manhood by being a provider, having money, and so on. I don't define being a man by that criteria so a woman making more money than me is not an issue.

  23. @Mikki you too girl? haha. the last guy i truly dated didnt buy me dinner once until after we had broken up… let alone a gift… yeah not goin into more detail there

  24. I can deal w/ a guy who's broke because he's down on his luck as long as he's putting legitimate effort. I can't deal w/ one who is broke because he blew all his money and/or isn't doing anything to change his position.

    But the poverty line is bullshit anyway. Why are we basing it on food, when we clearly know that most people spend a majority on their income on housing (which is usually sub-par). We need to change the way we look at poverty ASAP.

  25. @Quark: DC is going through … changes. It's always been a primarily Black city and when crack was big, DC was pretty crime ridden and your run of the mill "hood". They have been cleaning the city up for years and things are a lot better, but most DC natives are black, and I feel the impoverished that your going to usually see are some of these natives.

  26. Good Morning Blog family. Firstly let me say that I love all of you seriously and thank you for taking time out of your day to check on me in regards to my sister. Today makes 17 days. But prayer is a powerful thing.

    On to todays topic

    People get so caught up in self image or the way they think the world is supposed to see them. They put themselves in debt trying to keep up with the Jones's and the Combs's and they sink deeper and deeper into debt. Now I think some womans' dream is to date a financially stable man or a wealthy man. Stability is ingrained into us at a very young age. However it is not paramount when love is in play we can struggle together but the key word is together. we have to be a team. if we rise together we fall togethre and nothing other then that will be accepted.

  27. @kris25: That b*tch emptied his account … damn. My heart goes out to him too … I hope it works out for the best.

    @true: Your from SE? Which part? I mean … its not all hood anymore. I almost bought in Congress Heights and Capital Hill is real nice. Even Anacostia has that improvement project.

    And glad your not boughie and elitist … like some folks on here (I say no names)

    @Ms. Cortez: I got no problems a woman making more than me. If she jokes me about it or something like that … thats a whole other issue. Honestly, if she made more than me and would have me running broke over here because "that's the way its supposed to ne"… thats an issue.

    @Happy GO Luckie: Sorry to here the guy bounced after you helped him out … but I'm glad you no longer have these financial demands just for the sake of having them.

    @LenaBean: True …

  28. @True: Stingy and cheap are such strong words … and there are enough guys in DC throwing money around like its going out of style.

    Really though … all these gotdamn transplants from everywhere are messing things up. Throwing around money like it's what's hot … I hate em!

  29. "o..and dc men are cheap and stingy..dont expect them to buy you spit anyway"

    With that being said…

    Now that I'm a homeowner and make a modest living, I don't try to act like I'm a big baller. I live within a budget and my side hustle doesn't always bring in a great amount, just enough pocket change to buy groceries. My bills are current and hardly ever behind, so in my eyes, I'm doing okay. This isn't a popular view in the dating scene here in DC, because everyone knows you have to spend money in order to make someone feel special (sarcasm).

    I'm not religious, so paying tithes and all that isn't important. Do I give? Sure do…my time and effort to people that I feel need it…read: kids. Forget giving them money…I give solid guidance and assurance, something many of them lack at home. I teach them how to take what they have and what they've learned and turn it into a decent job/career. When I was a teacher I was able to reach out and speak to many troubled and impoverished youth. Many of those kids are doing fine. I guess I've never equated happiness with money and that's a bad thing. I don't give money, but I damn sure give myself.

  30. "One of the issues that I’ve run into is that a number of the men I’ve dated had a serious problem with me making more $$ than them. Is this a problem for you fellas out there??"

    Never has been, just be humble about it. One thing I can't stand is when women do make the money and then want to throw it in a dude's face. I tend to notice that sometimes these big balling women don't have any interesting character attributes. I've mentioned to be people often that I'm attracted to a woman's talents and interests more than here $800 purse and wack azz $250 shoes that every other woman wants. I hate people who have to buy their personality via clothes, wigs, weaves and cars and then brag about it. Hence the reason I'm not too attracted to self-proclaimed divas.

  31. did a black woman just say to a blog full of black men

    "I cant belive you just cant find a job"

    did you seriously just say that?

    yall wanna clown me and disrespect me for not knowing "what its like to be black" because I have (gasp) been with a WHITE WOMAN!!! ™ for my life, but you miss, are seriously sounding like you are out of phase.

    Let me read up and ill post more…

  32. "“I cant belive you just cant find a job”"

    i actually agree with this too. All work has honor and nobility. THAT's ALL WORK…i found when the luthern and catholic schools were collecting tuition money ( we never quite fell into the income that would have given me a free ride). My mama's working class hard earned money spent just the same as Sally Smith's across town.

    for a man to just can't find ANY job for a long period of time suggests a strong disconnect be it intention, purpose, SOMETHING.

  33. Comeback I totally agree, its amazing what a woman will do to proved for her family, cleaning houses, baby sitting other folks kids, working at walmart, stripping…..

    but when you ask a man to cut some grass he is offended?

    *blank stare*

    I heart the man that does what it takes to make sure his family is feed.

  34. @Humble_One, SBM and CptCallamity: I agree with you all–my friend girl made more $$ than her husband for a long time and made him feel like shyt about it (among other things). Then wondered why he left her when he hit his stride in his career. They had other issues for sure, but I'm guessing her nastiness didn't help.

    As for a man spending money on me, it sometimes weirds me out. I don't like feeling like I'm using people so I tend to not accept gifts (or drinks, SBM!) from dudes I'm not really feelin'.

    Anyway, what's most important (through my admittedly rose-tinted glasses) is that the people i care about enjoy what they do. Or at least derive some satisfaction from getting bills paid and keeping the babies fed.

  35. Heres a news flash….

    we are men, and good black men. We can be broke as hell and still be nice to a white asian or spanish woman who will be dying ot marry us and have a man who is not going to beat the crap out of her and love her everyday like their men do.

    Since the asian and white woman are outearning the black woman ANYWAY…. you can put your broke ass black male 30k with her 90k and your BAAWWWLLIINN!!!

    and women saying "men feel insecure I make more money than them"

    ya thats BS talk for "Im a bitch and cant adapt to or respect a man who makes less than I do"

    we dont care how much you make. if we cared about money we would date for money. if we wanted to make more money than a woman…. we would all be dating the fly mexican immigrant chick (them some loyal women too) I mean dont get it twisted, Fine black men are worth alot…. thats why every race dates us at a much higher rate than any other race in america. its just other races women usually wont break you down and call you a scrub for having a college education a corporate mid level job at a fortune 50 company………

    but to the sistas on this blog, ya… yo ass is a scrub with that pedigree. aint that right tiff?

  36. "I heart the man that does what it takes to make sure his family is feed."

    i just did a praise dance in my little work space here. ingenuity comes from survival. If you can't find a compelling reason to be about your business as a man…then you deserve the emasculating woman you get…who writes your allowance check out weekly.

  37. goes back to blog world day…in sorry if i got the title wrong. As depressed as this economy is …THERE IS NO EXCUSE for long term employment issues. No body's saying cop that Arab money. Fly to Dubai and cut deals in oil pipe lines, we;re saying basic and pure intention to ACTUALLY DO WHAT IT IS YOU SAY YOU WANT TO DO, as it relates to a profession/career or craft.

  38. @SBM, Yes she emptied out his account!!!! According to him, she left him for another man who makes more money(drug dealer), go figure. That's effed up. She's obviously has issues. But I told him he needs to make sure that everything she had access to and possibly could of had access to, that he needs change all passwords and whatever else.

  39. no exscuse for long term employment issues?

    please come up here and land my next job for me. Ill give you my resume and you can go find the job for me… but let me set up the scene up here for ya…. k?

    I am finishing a project here at dow jones which is going to ship 500 american jobs right here in princeton… all the way over to new Dhelli india. Doors close here oct 31.

    Merril Lynch after its recent board decisions has outsourced its IT division and is closing its doors in Princeton in December

    My other job at BMS has outsourced its IT division to Sao Polo Brasil, and we will be closing our doors jan 1st.

    So…. you have an estimated 1,500 people, all with IT backgrounds, all living around central jersey, all will be looking for the same jobs and all of us will hit the streets within a month of eachother.

    im not making exscuses yet… but I dont even think the WHITE MEN are too happy up here, one of my co workers took a plunge off rt 1
    http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=2012442

    but dont worry….. theres no excuse for not having a job, and everything is easy and rose colored because you say so.

  40. HNIC

    35k is average income and quite sufficient and moreso REALISTIC..especially in today's economy.

    how shallow for people to think that any perimeter of any amount of money made is "normal" or "not normal"

    and as far as the long term employment thing goes…..there is a reason for not having long term employment….THIS ECONOMY

    companies go under, outsource, cut backs..etc…(I know..I have been cut back twice in 2 years before)

    How naive and ignorant for anyone to think that there is a such thing as "job security" in this day and age and in this wacked out economy. and to go even further and say "there is no reason for anyone not to have a job"

    LOL ..the hell!

    you'd be happy to get a job let alone the job you went to school for….college grads dont make no money…they competing for the same entry level jobs (which start at about 35 k)

    PLEASE!!! SPARE ME!!!!

  41. im well aware what the dow, nasdaq, and nikkei, and futures are doin ususally daily..i may not be able to find you a job in your field DIRECTLY, but certainly something thereabout in an assumed skill.

    ***rubbin on cyrstal ball..lookin for someone in dire need of a man who can write in the voice of"evil princess sara".

  42. yeah you can find a job in your assumed skill..but how long will it take you??

    what are you to do in the meantime???

    is the company going to need you forever giving the poor economy???

    job loss happens..it happens to everyone no matter how high or low the position

    there is no such thing as "job security"…there just isn't …not now..and probably not ever

  43. Guys want to hear something funny

    I don't feel right dating a guy who makes a significant amt of money

    nope…

    I'd rather date a guy who makes an average income

    I make an average income…I live in the "hood", I can't even afford to get my hair and nails done.

    but ..everything I have is mine, in my name and I dont have to depend on no one to get it.

    So i'm reluctant to date the 100,000 a year dude…cause I dont want him to look down on me

    go figure

    is that low self esteem? humbleness? or I just dont think these guys would understand me

    *shrugs*

  44. @ true..im not sure. It assumes that you've been working on the assumed skill and just didn't get it yesterday. I have plan A, B, C, D, E, and F i get lazy as [email protected] sometime. But there are quite a few skills that are "recession proof" which may not in fact be "depression proof" LOL…

    this is why i don't hate on entrepreneur's and other risk takers. they earn every penny they get just by steppin out on a little faith, @zz sometimes hangin in the wind, and taking a RISK. you know the whole risk/reward proposition. yeah.

  45. comeback…u just sound like u just …well…into money and status…

    you can downplay it all you want..and hey..there is nothing wrong with being into making a certain amount of money and having respect for those who "got it like that"

    thats just who you are…u may never understand people who struggle to make ends meet, or who make "average" income..and Im not mad at that either

    *shrugs*

  46. "is that low self esteem? humbleness? or I just dont think these guys would understand me…So i’m reluctant to date the 100,000 a year dude…cause I dont want him to look down on me "

    i understand this. TOTALLY. esp. in this area. Im the first one (when im comfortable with the people) to kick off my choos and just chill. I don't really give a dam#n about what you have. Nice things are nice but they arent you. But I am bougie about words and thoughts. I think again we have a right to be selective with our company. i will and have deaded situations with people who KNEW what they were doing and refused to examine their language about their lives..and then kept wondering why they kept getting the same ole experieinces.

  47. I do alot of community service ranging from food shelters, disease walks, mentoring youth and I have a true respect for those less fortunate. With that said, I can't stand a person that's in that kind of situation just because they are lazy or complacent. There are shelters with programs, there are odd jobs, there are people willing to help you. But far to many refuse to take help due to drugs and/or alcohol and that's so sad. I know it's a harsh world, but you gotta fight. And yeah I need a woman that is gonna work and at least try o help out. I'll be a man and pay the bills or whatever but she gotta contribute to the family.

  48. @True: Yeah … thats me. And your right about Comeback … she's has a strong sense of entitlement. Just don't get too close … you might become infected.

    @Comeback: You probably came from a relatively struggle free background (as I did) where you could always make things work and never did things not work out. Thing is … not everyone is going to have all the options and opportunities someone like you does/did … so to say that you can always find work … is a bit asinine.

    And you are boughie as all hell … like this is not debatable … and in all facets. You flaunt like it's nobody's business.

  49. "@Comeback: You probably came from a relatively struggle free background (as I did) where you could always make things work and never did things not work out. Thing is … not everyone is going to have all the options and opportunities someone like you does/did … so to say that you can always find work … is a bit asinine."

    i think it was my outlook. My mother told me everyday when i wanted something one of the monied kids had: "we are poor". and i would politefully retort "you are poor. Im not poor."

    i had my imagination. i had my daddy's side of the family, that i could go to every weekend and see how the other half lived.

    i don't really think all my childhood life was a cake walk. could be wrong.

  50. True: When she rebukes that she is not into money and status just google comebackgirl and key words like "broke" and "money" and you can find some interesting gems to squash her argument with.
    My favorite is where she gets mad at me for dating anyone with more education or higher earnings than her and says I am dating "out of my league" she has this thing with status and money, but in 49 dates I had lastyear, most black women of this area have a similar comeback/omorosa type outlook.

    comeback: I dont know where your sense of entitlement comes from. most of the guys on this blog date higher than your status… yet you feel like you deserve higher than what most of us are……
    hell women I have cut buddies who will never ever EVER be a main chick… who decimate your pedigree, looks, sense of honor and especially body type.
    So why do you always feel you are above the average black man? and since you belive your better smarter and worth more than the average black man…. and we are dating the fine black women…. your actually telling your female audience that your better and entitled to more than them because you think your better than THEM too.

    and please spare me the half my family was poor and i dont wanna go back to that line of drivel that all grubby black women of your type claim as a defense…. a honerable brotha earning 35k combined with your 150k (which combined would be 185k is a friggin far cry from poverty.
    are you seriously so out of touch that A) you think its easy for a black man to get a job and B) you think 185k is barely making it and a step away from poverty?

    give up on the gucci sungasses dream sista and just concentrate on being a good person, a healthy person, and perhaps one day you will partner with an average brotha and you will let him love you and you guys will be happy in your mediocrity.

  51. lol…

    first and foremost..never believe what anyone tells u they make moneywise on a blog, messageboard NOR myspace

    thats lesson #1 of the internet/blog/myspace world

    If I had a job paying me that much..I sure as hell wouldn't be blogging ..even if I had the time (which im sure I wouldn't)

    but thats me 🙂

    *note..I am not calling anyone a liar by no means as its not that serious and I dont know anyone on here to know whether they are lying or not…*

  52. i dont think i ever said i made 150k??? it ironically aint even true not as of last week. LOL

    and you right true. Never believe what ANYBODY says. Everybody on the internet is broke as [email protected]

    you should take that 3rd eye of yours on the road.

    a little note to you…im still working LONG after everyone's left these blogs and when you're saying your "now i lay me down to sleep" im often watchin traffic.

  53. comeback

    that was none of my business..but thanks for "clarifying"

    lol

    Much respect

    [email protected] everyone on the net "broke as hell"

    naw..i aint say that

    I said never believe what people tell u when they say how much they make…on the net or in life

    *shrugs*

  54. I grew up extremely poor. So I have never turn my nose up to anyone. Even when I am on the streets if a homeless person ask me for money, I don't hesitate to give it to them whenever I have it. Why, you may ask? Because I have been there. I've had, no place to stay, no food, and needed help and someone helped me and my family. So I can't deal with someone who doesn't understand that. I would question if they would be able to handle when and if times got rough.

    When I date I don't require alot. Often times I am told I'm a cheap date. The purpose of a date is to get to know someone not to spend alot of money. Its getting hard for everyone.

  55. "Ok…. I’ve been reading all day… point?"

    perhaps the tape should be checked past this morning…umm thinking you could go back to Feb and read to date???

    Hell start from June LOL..nothin's ever really that serious to me.

  56. @Mik – I am just now getting caught up on comments… I heart you too!!! And i need your email address or you need to email me… even if you arent in the C-club anymore you are going to get my "story" haha. ;o) email me at [email protected]

    (SBM pls dont get mad okay thanks)

  57. I am all for community service and giving back to the homeless. Does that mean I want to date someone KNOWING they are homeless? Um, no. Community service does not extend to my dating life.

  58. I worked through college-every semster I didnt do the HBCU and those lame FRATS who to me are gangters with books and dance moves. Think about it:colors-hand sings-verbal calls that let any one know what Frat/Sort is in the bldg…yea well I didnt have time for that garbage.

    Nor did I want my B.S. so I could go and get a Masters..

    I was in the jungle of the Other Side of College Education.

    The average age is 27 and no one is going for their MBA or MFA. Its the one where you work in the day-school at night. Your jobs provide no benefits, you get no vacations.

    So how many women up here would have been my girl with that on the plate?

    And of course being from NYC I was stuck at home with moms dukes..it took me til 28 to get my degree. I have already read sevearl women on here who would have deaded me from jump- bein college …so what!!!!

    I guess dude with the Denali and no college education nor any tangible skills to explain how he can afford that truck cuase his 15/hr job cant swing it, and his moms pays the car note and only has a crib cause of his three kids he had by 25-yea he's the stud. (yea I know a shorty that fell for this and now she mopes around well who cares she makes 65 k and wears better $200 shoes-no one said being independent meant if you do lay down with the dogs you'll come up flea less).

    The women I dated wanted to "trick" on me not support. So if dude left you after you "supported" him, question is did you or did you do what my moms would say "girl only co-signed his car so her man can look cute picking her up".

    I now have the degree and the business that none of those black women wanted to contribute to. You can see the results on myspace/eny filmworks-the Camera you see- you aint copping out of Best Buy, I edit on a Mac Pro G5 dual core with 4GB of RAM which will kick your computers a$$ (might wanna google the MSRP on that one-if you want to know how I got just ask..its not a mystery).

    So what I still live in the bricks…no women brought ANY of my film equipment they could have but they wanted to buy me Kennth Cole and Polo shirts. And I buy those on my own as well.

    Support means doing homework for the other…if had a girl and she was into fahsion I am going to read up on her weaknesses-such as doing presentations. She might be a great designer but hey she got a C in pub speaking. I am not goin to the gucci store or any other store she shopped WAAAAAAY before meeting me to boost my ego by getting her something she'd like but wont benefit from directly.

    Some women equate buying clothes and material possessions as contributing it aint its tricking. Also there lots of women who only want us men as Finished Products, they want the ore to be a diamond the moment they put their foot on the surface. I find it funny some women brought a man a car who was not in college, had no business to run nor did he even have that good of a job…so why did she feel compelled to buy that car?

    Pygmalion; the women who do this dont love these men they love the ideal of what he is AFTER they have graced him with her touch and elegance. To those ladies: Dont Be Mad When The Scorpion Stings!!!!!!

  59. him "blowing" money would tell me how he views and handles money. I really believe if you don't handle your finances well, money will leave you regardless how much you make. I don't need to be w anyone who blows money. SO Yes, I would hesitate to date a "poor/broke" guy. I don't need a man to buy me any more diamond jewelry, designer bags, vacation tickets etc than I already have – because I already have that covered, but I would like to know that he CAN.

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