Who needs a team?

53

It seems the big thing nowadays is to “hedge your bets” … “play the field” … date like there is no tomorrow.

Comeback Girl is a fan … and so are The Fatales.

But I … I cannot subscribe to this philosophy … I just can’t

Remember when you were back in school (college, high school … whatever).  You just got finished leaving your girlfriends house after getting a little something to “help you focus” … and you head home to go work on the 3 papers you have due in two days.  You sit and think of how your going to finish all these papers and get a passign grade … because although your mom is 3 hours away … she will drive down and beat your natural black ass if you waste the money she is paying for tuition by failing these classes.  What to do … ?

You got two options …

One … you could work on all three papers at the same time.  Write 3 sentences for a paper … and then switch to the next until you have finished all three … researching each three sentences for each paper and keeping all 9 books your using out.

Two … you could knock the papers out one at a time … focusing your energy on researching and writing one paper before moving to the next … only keeping the 3 boks needed for a paper open at any time.

See Also:  Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

Now … if you selected option one … moms is gonna whoop your ass … and then pops might get in that ass too for being stupid enough for not focusing on one thing at a time.

OK … maybe that wasn’t the best analogy … but the other example I thought of included trying to give 3 women an orgasm simultaneously … and since I have a potty mouth (as everyone and their mom wants to tell me) … I tried to keep it clean.

There are a couple big reasons why there is a such thing as “dating too many people” …

You don’t take sh*t from anyone

I know this sounds like a good thing … but every good person is going to have some faults.  If you know that you have 3 others waiting in the woodworks … suddenly that ketchup stain on the shirt goes from slight irritating to “why the f*ck does this n***a/b***h take their ass to the dry cleaners”.  

Can’t give anyone enough time

It takes time to get to know a person.  Phone calls, emails, text messages, and dates.  If you are doing this with 5 people at the same time … how are they going to get the time they need.  I would say maybe … 2 at most … otherwise everyone is gonna suffer.

See Also:  Did Text Messaging Ruin Romance? ... Naw

Sleeping with multiple people is … uh .. gross or somethng

Yeah … I’m a guy … and I said it.  I personally don’t like sleeping with multiple people at the same time … nor do I like sleeping with someone who is sleeping with a bunch of other people.  I don’t wanna taste no one else … yeah … that’s the biggest.  If these people suddenly become “stars” and sex comes into play … that’s trifling.

So … keep the numbers low.  Cut your team down to 2 … and actaully try and focus on a motherf*cker.

This applies to both men and women.  Heed mmy words … your life will be easier.

Comment(53)

  1. It wasn't until recently, I also began subscribing to this way of thinking. In the past, I've focused my energy on one guy and have been available when he called, when he was ready to do hang out, etc. I believe my availability and lack of options caused men to "get too comfortable."

    If I make myself less available, he'll appreciate my time more.

    "Never make somebody a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs."

  2. "It seems the big thing nowadays is to “hedge your bets” … “play the field” … date like there is no tomorrow."

    Welll Well Well…i see men aren't feeling there @zzes being multitask-ed. Well that is NO surprise to me. For a woman to keep her options open …well that just totally flips the script and doesn't benefit him. Well news flash buddy its not JUST about you all. Its about the ladies too.

    And aint nobody said nothin about sleeping with mulitple people. I roll with the TCC (the celibate crew) and we keep it firm up top and below.

  3. I agree with Nicki, and SBM maybe your just one of those good one woman men, but a lot of dudes don't feel the need to commit. Why would you settle for one when you have girls practically throwing themselves at you due to your, college degree, good job n condo? A lotta women are about status and if they find a dude that fits the bill most time she got wedding bells ringing in her head. Women who "Get to comfortable" end up being hurt.

    I don't condone sleeping around at all but WILL be adopting this said Team mantra and thats the way its gonna be until…….

    YOU PUT A RING ON IT!!

    omg that is so gonna get played out really quick but i couldn't help myself.

  4. SBM I must agree with you that one is enough. Sustaining one meaningful relationship at times is hard enough, let alone trying to shuffle multiple. And yeah the whole sharing fluids with everyone and they mama is not cool.

    -JM

  5. he's just a friend…she's just a friend

    yup..words to live by when you are "seeing" more than one person

    they are all your friend

    I agree with dating too many people

    do they all chill at ur house..u at theirs?

    can't you see someone without it being super serious..like…cant you see one person without u assuming they are your man?

  6. "like…cant you see one person without u assuming they are your man"

    I think you can…. BUT feelings get involved, especially when you are "caking up," and sleeping together… I know this doesn't say he's "your man," but after all that caking, you kind of expect it and expect it, exlusively…. I did anyway..

    But that's all out the window since I no longer allow caking/sex/ or just chilling at my place.

  7. "can’t you see someone without it being super serious..like…cant you see one person without u assuming they are your man"

    i don't think its really about that. Its not Really about dating like a man. Its not really about dating ONE man. Its about knowing what you like and what you want THROUGH YOUR FRAME OF REFERENCES by which YOU DATE OTHER MEN. A pair and a spare keeps everybody honest and on their toes in my estimation. It doesn't mean you're all like "bobby you better act right, cause timmy over is ready to pull up the rear if he needs too."

    Its about casual fellowship. i don't like inviting a hole buch of men to my spot either. My space is sacred. So by the time a man gets in he already knows he special.

    Nick is also right. dating one on one to me implies a certain amount of exclusivity. Even when it isn't there. A woman will always make it so. Dating multiple people at once is also about self-protection.

  8. I personally feel that no one should be the only one until you are consciously considering marriage. Somehow this society has managed to fill our head with the garbage of co-habitating and committing to someone without a commitment, or one that is very shaky at best.

    Of course the men are going to disagree with this, they love the attention more than we do. And the notion that they are not the center of attention must do something awful to their teeny tiny egos. I say grow up and get over it. Times unfortunately have changed, men aren't courting women the way that they used to and most are even advocating for feminist rights. You want a woman to focus her energy solely on you while her remaining independence so that she won't have to be dependent on you. Fellas you can't have it both ways, pick one and stick with it.

  9. " You want a woman to focus her energy solely on you while her remaining independence so that she won’t have to be dependent on you. Fellas you can’t have it both ways, pick one and stick with it."

    DANG, this was good! I'm interested in what the men are gonna say about this.

  10. @SBM: I actually agree with you all the way on this one and i think that this day should be marked in history, because it may never happen again.

    contrary to a few comments, i think that focusing and closing off all options is different. example, i am seriously dating someone right now. he is not my BF, but i like him. so i am focusing on making that relationship into something more. in the meantime, however, I still date here and there. but its not the same as when i used to have a "team." i am slightly open to others, but dont want to spread myself too thin and not give enough attention to the one that i think has potential.

  11. "Fellas you can’t have it both ways, pick one and stick with it."

    i agree amazing how the most flyest self-proclaimed negros get on here talking about being fly having game and swagger..and then get brand new and call a foul when a chick is answering his behavior with her own bit of flyness.

    im taking this yaya message to the world.

  12. ". example, i am seriously dating someone right now. he is not my BF, but i like him. so i am focusing on making that relationship into something more"

    @ fefe ..i applaud your dedication. But he would have to be "focusing" too. Its also about listening to what a man says about the relationship, you can't spread yourself too thin when a man says "i want it to just be me and you". People are forgetting that when you have a favorite (which will happen)…there should be some discussion initiated by him where he's asking you for all of your time and a one on one.

  13. "Ya know…the more I read these blogs and comments, the more I want to abstain from dating…yecch."

    Dating can be an ugly thing but it is because we make it that way…

    Wiki defines dating

    "any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity. "

    Courtship as:

    "a man's courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage)" AND

    "behavior that goes on prior to mating"

    It gets gets ugly because we often confuse the two whether it's with sex or whatever.

  14. Sorry fellas, cant co-sign with you on this one… turn in your player cards at the front desk with the secretary.

    one WIFE is too much. as in a woman you are spiritually bonded with and your every move and fate is tied with hers. The emotional support that a woman needs…. and the effort you need to put forth is just too much, hell I never understand how guys can have a mistress and a woman at home.

    but

    As far as these women you just "date" your saying its like highlander and there can be only one?

    yo check it….

    you need to date as many people as you can. period. or you will never be able to focus on your live in joint when you get her.

    there is ALWAYS enough time. do you really need to see a "date" piece more than twice a week? so in theory cant you go on 2 dates a night? if they want more time and energy… heres an idea…..

    tell them NO.

    I mean, I say treat all people you date "nice" and be more giving than taking but seriously, with the girl to guy ratio the way it is out here you guys need to stop treating these date level chicks like they are wife level.

    but its the opposite effect. if you go out on dates with more than one woman and tell her NO, she will view as an asset because time with you is value. if other women want you then she should too right? so she is nicer to you so she can get more time which makes you treat her nicer because she is nicer to you… its an upward spiral for everyone involved. I have yet to have a woman leave me this year because I didnt give them enough time…. HAHAHA

    rethink your stance on this one gentlemen…. know yoru worth.

  15. "Ya know…the more I read these blogs and comments, the more I want to abstain from dating…yecch.”

    Dating can be an ugly thing but it is because we make it that way…

    Wiki defines dating
    “any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and “date” when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity. ”

    Courtship as:
    “a man’s courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage)” AND
    “behavior that goes on prior to mating”

    It gets gets ugly because we often confuse the two whether it’s with sex or whatever.
    "

    uh oh..Nick bout to bring church up in here. I like the distinction. but people don't hear you son/sun.

  16. comeback I disagree for our age range. if a woman as old as we are is telling me she cant see me because she has another date and then tells me in the same week she cant see me because she is busy…. she is dismissed.

    if your life is full enough at this age that you can turn me down twice in the same week, then my companionship is not required. I will leave you to go about your duties and have a joyful life.

    I can understand a little if a woman has tons of free time and I only see her once a week and she goes out on dates every now and then to fill the void. But if a woman is packing it in? ya, like I said she is dismissed.

  17. Fefe I too admire your dedication but I have decided that no one man will have my complete attention and devotion unless he puts a ring on my finger. It's an ugly dating world out there and like Steve Harvey always says, men will only do what you expect and require of them to do.

    I don't know but the wisdom of a 50 yr old man has more weight than that of those on this blog who seem to know very little about love and relationships.

  18. "comeback I disagree for our age range. if a woman as old as we are is telling me she cant see me because she has another date and then tells me in the same week she cant see me because she is busy"

    this isn't even polite..i would never tell a man i have a date with another man and thusly i cant go out on a certain day. Thats retarded.

  19. @Tiara: my 55 year old Daddy told me that i am doing right by focusing and dating here and there because it "doesnt make sense to give up something that makes you happy, so work at making it work." and i agree. but in the meantime like i said, i date here and there.

    i think that i am going to stop commenting and write and entire blog about my view on this so ya'll can disagree and comment on that one. :)cuz i have too much to say and dont want to turn into HNIC and write ten page comments.

  20. you would never tell a man you have a date because its ratarded but lying to a thirty something year old man as a thirty something year old woman is NOT??

    sorry, I dont lie to women I date, thats so childish. wanna know what will get a woman dismissed and deleted from my phonebook? a lying heifer.

    I know everything sistas do is motivated by money and power…. but if you cant curb your lust for money and power enough to tell the truth at this age then you deserve to sit on the couch alone and eat ben&jerry on saturday nights.

    edit… new website http://joao-pierre.blogspot.com/

  21. Not every relationship is equal to others. Some relationships have emotional connections and others have just physical connections. I only attach a mono-relationship with one that fulfills both parts, emotional and physical.

    Personally, if I am only having a physical connection, there's no chains connecting us together. The fact is.. get ya groove on. Enjoy yourself. If you want something more.. get into a real relationship with that person and be committed.

  22. I really think that it's a good decision to keep more than one on hand, unless someone has seriously mentioned the word marriage. That's just me. In all my time dating I would say I have stopped seeing other people only once cause that's just how it was with me and him.

  23. "you would never tell a man you have a date because its ratarded but lying to a thirty something year old man as a thirty something year old woman is NOT??"

    I don't think its LYING to someone I have no real history or personal connection with. Its called being tactful and appropriate. Nice little social skill i picked up from being an adult.

  24. comebackgirl said I don’t think its LYING to someone I have no real history or personal connection with. Its called being tactful and appropriate. Nice little social skill i picked up from being an adult.

    translation? its not lying unless I view you as an equal and men arent equals because I am comeback gril!!
    Your lack of respect for men astounds me. you are mature, you are an adult, and you may even have more social grace than you let on. but your not nice to people, and not very respectful or appreciative or black men at all.
    well here in the real world we call that not being truthful, or as my mother would call it, being a lying heifer.

    lets see what dictionary.com says
    LIE
    1. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.
    2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture:
    3. an inaccurate or false statement.

    I lost count, is this the 7th or the 8th time you got pimpslaped by dictionary.com?? face hurt?

  25. I think the team way of dating should be for those it works for. Everyone can't do it. If you choose to keep a roster make sure that you are emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of dating that way. Be honest with yourself and that other person. Understand that you can't have your cake and eat it too.

  26. "make sure that you are emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of dating that way"

    what are the consequences…men are trippin me out. Some of yall really need to pick a side. Humble I love you dearly..but you riddin the middle. Why is dating more than one men (and sleepin with NO ONE) emotionally expensive.

    too me all you men are fakin the funk seriously.

  27. @Comeback
    "what are the consequences…men are trippin me out. Some of yall really need to pick a side. Humble I love you dearly..but you riddin the middle. Why is dating more than one men (and sleepin with NO ONE) emotionally expensive.

    too me all you men are fakin the funk seriously."

    From my experience people some people can't deal with it. For example. One women I was dating back in the day knew I was talking to other women. I told her. She told me about the men she talked to. She saw me out with one of the women I was dealing with and acted funny. When we would talk or be in the presence of each other she would act cold. We still talked. She would still tell me about other men she was talking too. Finally she blew up. She let me have it. Cursed me and the girl I was with when she saw me over the phone.

  28. "She saw me out with one of the women I was dealing with and acted funny. When we would talk or be in the presence of each other she would act cold. "

    this is called a lack of communication and knowing who you're dating. I think dating more than one man at a time IS FOR EVERY WOMAN. She's just got to get some things in check first. And honestly i gotta call bullshyt on her ACTUALLY dating more than one man at a time. When you do this correctly, you really don't care who he's seeing. Because if he's really feeling you, he's requesting to slow the party down. Everything elese is one sided unrequited.

    and my 3rd eye was telling me some sex#ual relations was involved. and don't tell me otherwise Hum.

  29. "and my 3rd eye was telling me some sex#ual relations was involved. and don’t tell me otherwise Hum."

    Your 3rd eye has pink eye. I never slept with her. We did everything outside of having sex.

  30. "some women date more men to get the one they really want to “want them more”"

    callin bullshyt on this too. Not every woman does this. Most mature women want the right man for her, who actually is INTERRESTED IN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP. And doin his more aggressive role as the chooser..(tho we all know the woman has the final decision).

    Im sorry..i only want what wants me…and if im wantin something that doesn't want me back..then i gotta keep it movin.

    i got mad work to do.

  31. what world do you live in?

    I know no fine black male that would find a woman more attractive because she is dating someone else.

    Women and especially fine black women, have a competitive streak in them which makes them want whats a hot commodity. not always, but alot.

    if I see a woman is not always available for me, she will just have to be left in the wind. there are too many women for me or any fine black male to wait and tap our foot for you to play dating poker. cant play poker if you dont have any chips…. and the deck is stacked in the FBM's favor.

    comeback and the rest of you ladies. Seriously, stop thinking black men are what you see on TV. more brothas think like humble and me than think like you think we do.

  32. @humble
    Im not sayin somethings wrong with your pimp hand my brotha, but if you are out with one woman and you run into another your going out on dates with there shouldnt be any drama. if you are a GOOD MAN to the women you are dating, and honest that you are dating another woman there cant be any drama.

    I took Miss june out to a social event in north jersey, Miss Alaska decided to be an ABW and crash the party and see who I was going with. they met and I squashed drama. I introduced one to the other as my date and didnt flinch. I even let them both make a comment to each other about how I must feel like a pimp or something… they laughed at eachothers jokes… and then started paling around like betty and veronica. even took a picture together.

    But if you react like "ZOMG I AM CAUGHT AND DOING SUCH A BAD THING!!!" women will just go into a berserk frenzy and fry your ass. Like sharks they look to exploit weakness. if your not doing anything wrong…. why act and cower like you are guilty?

    now when they come at you with "why" you let her know because its the rules. then you hit a chick with "if you want to renegotiate we can start with you having to call me every day and be available to me everyday" no sista wants to give up their "freedom" so the conversation will end right there and you can go on your merry way.

  33. Good Afternoon Folks!

    Interesting. *deep sigh*. Just today dude from Jers thinks I'm feeding him some type of line about having trouble getting a babysitter so we can hang out. Literally on some don't give me that BS (I shoulda asked him if he's a top or a bottom). Needful to say – we don't talk any more.

    I wouldn't mind this "team" stuff but because I have a child my batting averages are waaaaay down. So, with the little time that I have, I find myself focusing on one person. I would give some time to someone else that could handle the fact that I already have litle time to spare but I am still interested in getting to know him. We may not get to see each other often – but that's a good thing in the beginning anyway, right? There's nothing wrong with my hands (for texts/emails) and nothing wrong with my voice box.

  34. @HNIC
    "Im not sayin somethings wrong with your pimp hand my brotha, but if you are out with one woman and you run into another your going out on dates with there shouldnt be any drama. if you are a GOOD MAN to the women you are dating, and honest that you are dating another woman there cant be any drama."

    I am not perfect but I have never disrespected or intentionally tried to take advantage of a woman. What i have realized is that sometimes some people hear what they want to hear or have ulterior motives behind their behavior or words.

  35. "Im not sayin somethings wrong with your pimp hand my brotha"

    black men trip me out. In one sentence there all pc and in another they encourage the same behavior that they claim they dont do. Referring to another man as a PIMP? even in jest is what Im talking about.

    all i gotta do is 3rd eye this stuff. Half of yall lyin on your dyck.

  36. @Comeback
    "black men trip me out. In one sentence there all pc and in another they encourage the same behavior that they claim they dont do. Referring to another man as a PIMP? even in jest is what Im talking about."

    You know what he meant. When people say pimp they dont literally mean you have women on the stroll and you drive a coupe de ville.

  37. Honestly, from my experience, it is stressful as hell. You have to make calculated decisions on who to neglect at various times, who to lie to, who to gift, etc. 4 ppl at once is a bit much, but its good to say I have the experience so I can properly knock it.

  38. she hates black men, just disregard her when she steers the direction of conversation into anarchy.

    we are super heroes. she is a villan.
    SBM is MR fantastic, Humble is the thing,Antidater is Johnny storm and comeback it like Doctor Doom… just pure evil and hell bent on destroying the fantastic four!!

    The evil only festers in Angry black women as they spend more and more time alone. the saturday nights they spend alone on the couch stuffing their face with ice cream is as desolate and cold as it is for doctor Doom to sit on the throne alone in the country he controls Latveria. its hard for them to watch happy fine black men, which are the bane of their existance go out and be successful and have fun in life. Much like a villan can never leave good guys alone. ever notice how mad ABW's get when you talk about dating? ever see them tell you its nothing special when you get a better job? ever hear them tell you "your dating out of your league" when you date women that are prettier, more educated, more successful and much much slimmer than they are?
    they are a poison on our society and an evil that must be opposed!!

    but just like a true VIllan you never know. Do they act that way because its born in them to be evil? or do they do evil and in their head they actually think what they are doing is the right thing?

    and honestly if I am a super hero I have to be spiderman…. cus im the only former geek who is a wise cracking super reporter who now dates models 😉

  39. Pure ignorance is the best bliss out there.

    Why does the black woman have to be angry? I spend a lot of time talking to the women here on this blog…We be over at the tree house having a good ol' time and no one seems angry or bitter.

    I just think that black women are a poison to society for HNIC because we intimidate him…He's afraid we might cut his d!ck off and throw it out the window or some ish. So he gets in here on the internet and says whatever he needs to say because he knows if he said it to either one of us in the real world, we'd hack his ass and keep stepping with a man who isn't so afraid of the power of the black woman.

  40. I wish you would try to cut my dick off…. you have no power and hardly intimidate me. remember, when its all said and dont, Im twice your size.. you just have twice the bark.

    your afraid of "fine black men". we are a bit much for you and you cant handle anymore being mired down with you.

    Porud and confidant, educated and refined… oh and most of all HAPPY. yes this is not the picture you depict of us. you want to make us all out to be these horrid villans that you see in lifetime TV.

    Guess what? You have your ABW depiction of black men and we have ABW. there is not a single black male on this blog who matches the stereotype you ABW's spell out for us.

    Now flip that, how many of you fill out negative black stereotypes? now how many of you are the stereotype for ABW?

    single? old? no man and think every man does you wrong. cling to the gucci glasses and coach bags and $ like it is validation for your shallow life? Constantly pick normal men and refuse to adapt and be nice to anyone… then blame the men? Selfish? only care about yourself and alone saturday night? valentines day hurt much?

    dont ya think its a problem is you are of an age where you should be coupeled up and you havent had a relationship older than any of the coats you own?

    All that could change if you loved a black man … but being consumed with hate and bile pushes that away and leaves you alone and cold in the dark of your own lonely room….

    help me help you, so the ABW dosent infect and destroy the rest of my proud black community.

  41. "All that could change if you loved a black man"

    trust and believe i LOOK FORWARD to loving a black man. I have before and I most certainly will again.

    you can take that to the bank…a solvent one.

  42. If what the men on the blog is saying is true, then I really wished there were more men who thought like the men on this blog because being in monogamous relationships doesn't seem to be the norm with a lot of men these days.

    From the conversations with friends, a lot of men (black and white) don't adopt the date one woman at a time concept.

  43. "A lotta women are about status" thats coming from a lady on this blog

    @Tiara, on shacking up and men and tiny egos.

    Well most of the women I know who do this its THEIR pad("Baby Boy" anybody, that film was as much about women ENABLILING these weak minded and small ego men that YALL move in") as I said women got egos too and yall waste no time stroking em…just gotta move in "Justin Slayer Lite" (right after getting out undergrad or getting that MBA) so the Girls will know whats wating back home.

    I have lived alone since 28 and I have too many women think I am just dying to move in (and of course into their pad) again I say whats the fascination with women ALLOWING a man who does no good by them to share HER space?

    My friends-all single-we ALL live alone…when its our pad we love our space-I guess what I am saying is those men yall move in are sucka-a$$ men-they would rather phuck up and have some gullible easy to seduce with sex chick absorbs the blows.

    And as for lying-Comback if I am a cop and you dont know me and I say "did you see the crime" having no personal history doesnt make it not a lie if you say you didnt and you did see the crime. You are now obstructing justice-you lied…yes its better to lie to strangers but you are lying.

    Ladies face it THIS IS the life men have led. You date multiples and have to come up with "reasons" to get out of those dates although you may have sold them on someone you really want to take out or be with.

    Women seem to want things like this without all of the messiness. There is still only 24 hrs in a day. You cant just becuase you are good looking, make good money and have a degree assume that men will be just holding our breath waiting for you to go through your "possibles". Go through em-date em-move Dude in but I am keeping it moving susan.

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