Shedding the lists …

125

******* Admin Note *******
New Poll Up … let em know how you feel!
Also, Happy Birthday Ms.Devereaux
****************************

My life is filled with and run by an elaborate set of physical and mental lists …

  • Who am I going out with tonight?
  • What stocks am I watching?
  • What do I need from the supermarket?
  • What are the projects I need to work on this month?
  • What do I need to accomplish in the next 1/5/10 years?

And on and on …

One list that remains short and non-essential is:

  • What I want in a potential mate?

Now I know across some other sites (here and here) this is the “hot thing” and 10 page lists from women including height, p*nis length, and whether or not his second toe is longer than their big toe are the norm … they aren’t with me.  I have spoken against these chronic list writers before … but some things are too important to not revisit.

There are a couple reasons to really have a list.  If your older and time is running short, then you might not have time to be “wasting”.  But … even in this case … you have to be 100% sure that your list is correct and you have learned from ALL your life lessons in determining what you want … because if just one thing is wrong … you’ll forever have failed relationships as you keep looking for the wrong thing.

See Also:  8 Signs Your Summer Fling is Ending… And It’s Time For a New One!

And this alludes to the single biggest problem with making these “lists” …

People really don’t know themselves

Yes … your a** really doesn’t know your a** that well.

Now I know others might know themselves better than I know myself (I keep surprising myself with new things every other day), but I am overly convinced that everyone has two personal lists:

Things they think they like/want/love … and … Things they actually like/want/love.

Don’t you remember when you were a kid and swore up and down that you hated pickles (although you never ate them).  You focused your life for years with the premise that pickles were the devil.  Then one day you picked up a burger from your local fast food spot, and without realizing there were pickles in it … you bit into it and liked it … now suddenly your a fan.

Or what about the guy that said “let me put it somewhere new” … and now your a fiend.

My point … simple stated … keep yourself open.  As you experience things, you will figure out (at the time) whether you like it or not.

Eat some sushi … if it tastes bad … big loss … that $5 investment confirmed that you didn’t like it.
Date someone with a kid … if it doesn’t work out … then it didn’t
Date a chick with a weave (I hate weaves, but still date weave wearers) … you might find out its not that big of a deal.
Go ahead and wife that chick who won’t give head … she might … errr … scratch that … tell her to kill herself.

See Also:  So When Is The Right Time To Share Social Media With Relationship Interests?

Anyways … I leave you with this … live life … stop discriminating.

You know who else determines the people they associate with according to a list of physical features … RACISTS!  Stop hating with your bigot a**.

The End

Comment(125)

  1. Good Mernin':

    To my lists, there are exceptions. I believe when you ask (GOD), you need to ask him SPECIFICALLY,hence the lists, but you also need to be aware of what you are asking for. Don't ask for someone rich that can take care of you and his family cause you'll get that… he just may happen to be crazy too.

  2. As a professional list maker that has gone unacknowledged for many many many many post, I have to say my list isn't based on anything I HAVEN'T experienced.

  3. Good morning blog fam…

    Love ya!

    Ok now this is the thing sbm what u are saying is right to a certain extent. I have tried dating different types of men just to try to diversify my portfolio. I have not dated outside myrace (except one rican, but do they count?). there are things I will not try or compromise on. I will not accept a man who smokes crack. or any type of hard drugs. that's a deal breaker. u have to be stronger then that. and I will not accept an alocoholic. occasional drinks are fine but to have a need or addiction for an outside entitity. I will not settle for having these things just to have a false form of happiness. oh and u can't put your thing in that hole either. I'm petrified! maybe my hubby could convince me otherwise. but other then that its on lockdown.

  4. Interesting post. I'm a chronic list maker (never follow through though) but your post made me realise that I have never put together a list of what I'd like in a potential partner and I wouldn't have a clue where to start! I know what I find attractive- I have a thing for geeks (sci-fi, comics, computers its all good!) and I find guys who try to make a difference in the world or within their communities pretty bloody hot. But I would never be a able to put together a list- I'm constantly surprised by the people I find myself attracted to and having a pre-determined set of attributes would just narrow things down needlessly…

  5. I'm really feeling this post today, and I think a lot of [superficial] folks need to take heed. Checklists don't tell you whether someone is a good person who is going to click with you….. I'm more about the vibe a person gives off and whether they "get" me (cuz I can be a little… um…. different at times). Dude can look good "on paper" and still suck.

    I do agree with Akua on having a list of deal breakers, as opposed to a checklist. There may be things that I find out about a person that impress me (musical tastes, culinary abilities, life ambition, parenting skills) but I don't go specifically looking for them to check them off a list.

  6. My biggest problem with lists is it puts your focus on what a man doesn't have instead of what he does have. The man could be 90% of what you want, but you'll start chasing after men who have that other 10% only to realize that they are only 60% of what you originally wanted. People need to be able accept a person's faults (within reason), the same way that they are accepting yours.

  7. This post is some bullshyt….lol..happy bday Ms. Dev.

    Lists are ESSENTIAL. When it comes to men, I've made maybe 2 in my WHOLE life. One I wrote right around my pre-break up early this year which was rather short. And the one I did on my site last week.

    I honestly am not looking to hit EVERY SINGLE line item. But list writing (as with any writing excercise is a spritual one). This is VERY hard to explain to negative people who look for excuses to stay in the same rut. But I made a financial list back in 2003. Of the money that i would make. A few houses I wanted to buy and other creative projects. I still have the old laptop that i wrote it on. But I can't find the power source to connect it. Back in 2003 I wanted to start off making 10k a month. I think I was at 65k a year back then …within the year i was doing it. My only regret is that I didn't double the projection. Sometimes we just think too [email protected] small. even me.

    When you make a list, your brain finds a way to connect the dots. I even had property type stuff on there. I bought a rental property in bmore and sold it for a crazy profit..again my only regret is that i didn't do more.

    ultimately go with what works for you. Im saddened that there are **some** here with CONSTANT life complaints who only are encouraged about their misery. And since misery does in fact love company. I suppose the constant woe is me works too.

  8. I say all that to say that lists WORK. Im not talking about the retarded 1) he's nice. 2) he's cute. 3) he has a job.

    I honestly believe the universe brings you EXACTLY what you ask for in the way of complaints and narrowmindedness. Which is why im specific and detailed on it comes to the converse.

    So yeah..I want a man who has done the emotional work and has checked his DVF carry on luggage. Even in that statement there is A TON of attributes. a) he believes in boundaries b) he's not stringing anybody's @zz along c) he has integrity.

    again if three things work for you. Then whatever, just be prepared to get back what you ask for in the limitedness and lack of depth.

  9. I agree with you comeback, we make list for everything else in life so why not for a potential life partner??

    so he or she might not come with everything exactly but they will be pretty close to it if not better than what you put on it.

    I mean what if you look up one day and you compromise just about everything on the list and now you can't stand who you are with?

    like anything a list can change but you best believe I got one!

  10. i agree mik..i was thinking about your budget over at your site. Lists keep US accountable. Most people get reviewed for their job at year end or quartly. You have goals and objectives you need to meet. And listing them out keeps you on task. Most bosses know you're not gonna HIT every single one. But the intent matched with effort to me is as good as gold.

    I think it goes back to people being disconnected with their lives. Its easier to ask someone else to make them happy. And then blame the other person for not doing it. But fyck that Im in control I am the driver and the captain of my own ship. And if i keep running my 2zz into light houses and sand dunes. then its MY FAULT straight up.

  11. "Lists keep US accountable"

    well said, and there was a point in time you wrote about "Dating yourself" most people would hate to admit that if they actually DID write out a list, they very well may not match everything they are asking for in a significant other so they use the excuse "oh i dont need a list" and try to rationalize why they aren't doing what THEY need to do themselves. You can't run around with a list YOU can't even adhere to…..

    dun dun dun…..

  12. Happy Birthday Ms. D (I left you a message on your blog earlier.)

    SBM – when you know yourself and know exactly what you want and need in your life and what you can compromise on–having a list isn't a huge issue.

    The key is you must be honest with yourself and in addition, you must remove the layer of being superficial.

  13. Good Morning Folks!

    ::::: Happy birthday Ms. D 🙂 ::::::

    This is some bullsh!t SBM. To me the list of things you want/need/love are somewhat equivalent to the deal breakers. A person may not be about everything on said list but we are making lists of what is at a person's core – not how good they look, how much money they have to make, etc. – well, at least that's not on my list. Some people KNOW (from experience) that they can't (for example) stick it out with someone who just can't get their sh!t together financially.

    And you complain about not being married til the ripe ol age of 30…

    You're not going to get exactly what you want but there's no sense that in all this dating that you've done that you cannot say I want/need this and that – and I'm not talking about superficial stuff like a weave vs. non-weave. Maybe you've dated someone who didn't have a problem with stealing – tried a lil dine n ditch maybe – but it just might not be you. Then you can say – potential mate needs a sense of ethics that are similar to mines. *ta da*

    I know you got a [email protected] list in your head other than nice boobs, brains, n gives brains. How you gonna "see" that one based on this alone? You can have all that with a stank @ss attitude, no [email protected] common sense, she might even hate your momma – you cool with that?

  14. @Comeback: I'm glad you believe so deeply that the "universe" will just grant all your wants and desires if you ask … but here in the real world … you work for what you want. I am all for lists when it comes to your goals in life, what you want to achieve, and plans … but when it comes to the characteristics of "Mr. Right" … most people are just off.

    3 core things … you shouldn't be doing more than that.

    @Mikki: Are you Comeback's hype man nowadays … I swear

    @Cuzzo: Shame … thought the family would hold me down. If you have a short list with core things on it (must love God, must not steal, etc.) … then thats great. But too often I see these lists come to encompass some of the most asinine things on earth. At the end of the day … that sh*t is discrimination. But I agree … no crackheads.

    @Akua: I generally am a bigger fan of a dealbreakers list. Saying what you don't want leaves a lot of room open for what you do want.

  15. lol @ yall, i thought my job was giving me the x when i saw the link to the tree house was down, BUT then i came here and was like "oh"

    sike sbm I loves your site even tho you hate on me, you know I agree with you sometimes but this is not one of them times,

    im sayin why so serious?

    where is why so anyway?

  16. @SBM

    I feel that the don't wants and the do wants are intertwined. To me it's obvious that if you don't want one thing than you may want it's counterpart.

    I'll hold you down in some areas but uh, yea, we ain't twins negro 😉 2 out of the 3 things you admit to being your list are superfiacial (the brains and the brains)

  17. @Mik: Whyso blew in the clubhouse and blinded us all with fairy dust last week… other than that, no hear.

    @SBM: I don't think any of us are really sticking to those lists and making checkmarks, like:

    He has this,
    He has this,
    Oops, not this… he's out…

    It's just what we want.

  18. Hey kids! I love list. Lately I haven't been making list and my world has been utter chaos. I was making one mentally last night and I realize that there are so many things that if I just did them my life would be so much better. SO on my first list is make a list to organize myself.

    Now as for the men, I have consistently made list and I always get exactly what I want. Sometimes I leave on item off but I've learned to pray on them and I really put them out there.

  19. I agree with Cuzzo and Mik..its still bullshyt.

    im sad that we've got 30 year old women co-signing to this. I'm not saying that when your're 23 or 24 you don't know what you're talking about. But….ummm..yeah.

    And to SBM i can ask the universe for whatever I want. The idea is that I am working on being what I ask for. And that really is the idea. You can't expect something for which you can't and don't bring.

  20. comparing a person to a budget or a personal goal

    HA!

    Seems like some people attempt to try to control everything that happens in their life, including love

    I believe in having a financial plan, an career goal things that you CAN control

    but when it comes down to making a list of what kind of person you should love..thats kinda well, CONTROLLING

    I just want to be loved for me, and I want a responsible man

    thats it and thats all I "require"

    the rest cannot be so black and white…you may fall for someone who likes "ignorant music" and is a plumber, makes less than you, but adores and worships you….you gon deny him cause he isn't a CEO or something like that?

    and I have long given up on tryin to having control over people and emotions

    u just can't control EVERYTHING..bottom line

    u just can't…sometimes you got to let go and let GOD

    You can block your blessing that way…

    GOD or "the universe" or what have you may be sending you someone or something and because it doesn't fit into your little "Box" you miss out

  21. There is nothing wrong with a list as long as it does not have superficial B.S. on it. I created my list after experiencing personality traits of some women that I absolutely did not want to deal with again. My list is strictly based on that.

  22. @Nicki

    "@SBM: I don’t think any of us are really sticking to those lists and making checkmarks, like:

    He has this,

    He has this,

    Oops, not this… he’s out…

    It’s just what we want."

    what parts don't some people understand, Nicki?

    all that, oh he loves ME…he adores ME….but he's rude to my momma, he kicks me dog, he doesn't believe in God, he's racist, he's close-minded, etc, etc – o_0 – does that make sense?

    So, don't gimme no bull about you don't have a list – everyone has a list whether it's one thing (responsible, blah) or twenty things, on paper or in your mind – it's there. Otherwise you'd be falling all over any old body that was trying for your affection.

  23. THANK YOU HUMBLE! a dude with some [email protected] sense.

    Hello my people not faking the funk out there! Just cuz it's not on paper, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

    I know you have one SBM – tell me you haven't learned anything from your past relationships…tell me that and you might as well shut your sh!t down homey – that's what your whole site is about.

    You know what – I'm going to fall back off you – you have a list. This whole site is full of it 😉

  24. @Cuzzo & Nicki- I think people are getting a list of personality or character traits you don't want confused with the BS list. The BS list is the list you hear the most about. I.E. he or she has to be rich, have fly gear, look like so and so, be built like whatever

  25. We do have to let go and let God, but as Comeback would say you have to be conscience of what you put out there. If nothing you put out is ever positive then you won't get anything positive back.

    "I just want to be loved for me, and I want a responsible man"

    So what if he loves you and he's responsible and pays all the bills, but he goes to work under the street lamp at dusk and slings? You can't take him to a company function cause he's all pierced up, doesn't believe in God and hates kids?

    But he loves you for you…and he's responsible, right? So…do you take this person home? Cook 'em up a plate of food.

    SBM, Humble, et al.: You meet a woman whose beautiful with kids. She has everything straight paying all her bills, cooks for you, etc. You find out she's a prostitute but her bills are paid, she's pretty and responsible so why can't you wife her up-I mean she'll bring money home right?

  26. lol…yall are being ridiculous and asinine

    Him not being a crackhead and alcoholic and rude to my momma and beat my ass are given things that shouldn't even need to be put on the list…

    I mean seriously..do you really need to put on the list "must not be a child molester", "must be able to read" "must not beat women", "must not smoke crack"

    yall are crazy

    LMAO!!!!!

    I swear boy….

  27. "You find out she’s a prostitute but her bills are paid, she’s pretty and responsible so why can’t you wife her up-I mean she’ll bring money home right"

    HAAA. that's one helluvan example Jac?

    @Humble: "think people are getting a list of personality or character traits you don’t want confused with the BS list"

    I think you are right… everyone has learned something and knows of something they dont' want.

  28. I'm with humble

    they confused …either that or goin to great lengths to justify having a list

    I dont have a "job type" on my list, a height, an amount of money or a car type on my list…as some people do

    I think those types of lists are what he's refering to

    geez

  29. please…now it's the BS list he's refering to. sure ya right.

    it's been confirmed – everyone has a list. *ta da*

    …back to the party (not here though – it reeks, lol. SSSO, anyone?)

  30. Can you read? I never said crackhead, alcoholic or beats you. I said responsible, brings home money, but doesn't LIKE kids NOT molests them.

    Sometimes it's necessary that you say these are things that I won't accept. I once dated someone who didn't believe in God. He had everything else and it was all great, but that one thing was a deal-breaker! Must be a Christian got added to my list. See how it works?

  31. I agree whole heartedly with this post.
    I also am NOT a list maker when it comes to relationships/men.

    (I got grocery and goal lists on lock tho, lol)

    I can however, see why some people feel like they need lists in order to guide themselves to the right kind of man. Overall though I am of the perspective that people need to fix themselves and develop who they are so they LOVE themselves. If one doesn't love oneself, it can lead one to look for love and other things that should come from the self in their partner and encourage them to stick it out with the wrong kind of partner.

    I love me, and I can't see giving me to someone who doesn't love themselves. I don't want to be my partners reason or excuse. I think loving and knowing yourself automatically discourages you from being interested in growing with a partner who has some really fucked up tendencies. You may like him, lke how me looks and smells even.. But inside you know – this is a roll in the hay for a few months and then we gone have to call it quits.

    Later,
    B

  32. Thanks for the bday wishes!!!

    I totally agree with this post and I preach this to everyone. I am an equal opportunity dater. Now when it comes to relationship there are certain things that I won't tolerate. But giving you my number and we chat, maybe go out see where it goes. I'm cool with that. I think this is why my cousin and his friends say I won't have as many problems dating as other women they know.

    My list only kicks in after we have talked and hung out and I decided that I think it could go further. Since I am still single, I just mainly met alot of cool homeboys who wouldn't mind having sex with me if the opportunity came about. Most of these guys are cool as hell, but I just don't think they would be the man I want. Since we all know there is no such thing as male/female friendships.

  33. @Ms.D

    "My list only kicks in after we have talked and hung out and I decided that I think it could go further. "

    ding ding ding ding – we have a winner!

    ppl are not walking around with lists checking sh!t off before the person even opens their mouth. it's not the end all that be all (or be all that end all? – i'm confrused, lol) but dammit if it don't open doors to the next levels of relationships.

  34. @Cuzzo (21): That's faulty logic. Just because you don't want one thing doesn't mean you want it's "counterpart". Most things don't have true black & white counterparts anyway.

    @Comeback: I'm 30 and I don't use "lists" and there's nothing wrong with it. But I've already gotten a man to the altar (8 years) so maybe I have a better idea of what I do and don't want and what's important in a lasting relationship (which obviously mine lacked a few things after awhile) without having to write down an untested abstract collection of qualities. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and now I'm ready for a change of clothes.

    If I were to conceive of a "list" what I have on it probably would have DQ'd the current guy I'm with because it would not have given me a chance to get to know him. Hell, I almost Next'd him because the first CD he ever gave me a copy of was the new Lil Wayne (musical choice can be a deal breaker for me because we'd never be able to hang out) but then later he burned me some Little Brother and all was well. I will say tho that my boo thang does look good on paper, too. 😉

  35. "ppl are not walking around with lists checking sh!t off before the person even opens their mouth"

    AMEN!

    @Anesidora: "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and now I’m ready for a change of clothes"

    I like this phrase. Needs to be a t shirt.

  36. actually I can check someone off the list before they speak, all it takes is pants hanging off your butt, corn rows, and a hat tilted to the side like T.I

    and i already know what he is gonna say, "shawty you da hottest luv the way you drop it, you already know it aint trickin if ya got it"

    *blank stare*

    I got skillz

  37. "If I were to conceive of a “list” what I have on it probably would have DQ’d the current guy I’m with because it would not have given me a chance to get to know him. Hell, I almost Next’d him because the first CD he ever gave me a copy of was the new Lil Wayne (musical choice can be a deal breaker for me because we’d never be able to hang out) but then later he burned me some Little Brother and all was well. I will say tho that my boo thang does look good on paper, too."

    um okey dokey…

    lol

    I think people are missing major points here. And I'm really feeling that people are adverse to lists because a) they don't REALLY and truly KNOW who they are and b) what they want and deserve. If I can backtrack slightly, I think its a little non-sensical to ask for a man to be honest. For most people with integrity it should be a given.

    I happen to believe that there is a lid for every pot. And I am most glad I didn't marry the last lid I happened upon because a) i happened upon his @zz LOL. I wasnt clear about what it was i required. For a little [email protected] chemistry i gave him passes on other things that would have really revealed that we were not compatible.

    Just like with everything else..if you don't ask you won't get.And I know myself well enough that there are things that suit me better than others. I know how I liked to be talked to, I know the men that intellectually stimulate me. Etc etc..And i have my rathers. And I think if people REALLY deep down inside took an inventory..their dating lives, relationships, etc wouldn't be so hit and miss.

    but like i said if it works for you. great. If your life works. I can't knock nobody's hustle. My thing is hearing people's constant complaints who make it a habit for doing the same fyking thing over and over..and never taking a deep inward look as to why the same people and experiences show up.

  38. "actually I can check someone off the list before they speak, all it takes is pants hanging off your butt, corn rows, and a hat tilted to the side like T.I

    No I will not go out with someone lookin like this. I'm 28 (almost) for pete's sake.

  39. And one more thing. A list doesn't and shouldnt stop you from dating. You should be able to know off the bat if a man is interesting enough to spend an hour or two with. But a list FRAMES your selection.

    We as women spend a lot of time on waiting to be chosen BY ANY AND EVERYTHING. And men do choose in a more aggressive way. But your list is also your passive selection.

  40. "an we all concur that musical choice is NOT a deal breaker??

    "

    yeah concur some people are getting really literal and totally missing the point…food, music, dress..NOT A DEAL BREAKER… Im talking about personality traits and characteristics.

    I would think that people would be just as choicy with what they put on their backs as the people they commence relationships with.

    but it seems like some type of freestyle mission.

  41. some of you are on some bull shit with your list. your market value is not worth what you are looking for.

    have you seriously evaluated these enough?

    comeback….. Im still most of the things on yoru list gurlfriend… so exactly how important is it to you really that a potential mate be list worthy when you cant get along even socially and fundamentally with a man who has those things?????

    I seem to get along well with women who have whats on my list, but then again I just seem to get along very well with women in general since Im a sweetheart 🙂

  42. what's wrong with a little passion in life?

    some people are passionate about alienating themselves…boasting about themselves (but hate when other ppl do it), and becoming easily annoyed by it. oh wait – that's not passion – that's hate and hypocrisy.

    it just got fungke in here – heyyy where's that black chick?

  43. "I just seem to get along very well with women in general since Im a sweetheart"

    o_0 I just choked….we must be talking about the real world now.

  44. @ jac "here we go comeback writing books on that h shit"

    stop hatin as soon as i get the celibates out…im workin on this one..by that time I'll have a man so all the negative nelly's can bite me. lol

    "“again I just seem to get along very well with women in general since Im a sweetheart ”"

    yeah when you've taken all your medication. I want a man who don't need mood altering drugs to act right.

  45. @Comeback

    "yeah when you’ve taken all your medication"

    pffft. ya'll don't share the same prescrip? sharing is caring 😉

  46. "does anyone remember
    stfu mf?"

    Jac I would have needed it for this comment below but I couldnt muster it fast enough

    "Sometimes I just wanna see you grow … spread your wings and fly
    butterfly…..

    "that means stop sweating Comeback's balls"

  47. here let me pop the list bubble real quick..

    you want a man that has everything on your long list….
    my type… has everything on your main list but you still find ways NOT to get along with me… socially, theory-wise, ideologically, civilly ect ect……

    so what is it that you offer thats so great that makes you even think you are WORTH the time of guys like me? not a put down and not saying I think im better or worse (yet) but just wanting to know what makes you think you deserve our type, much less higher.

    its amazing how you 3 abw's can quote me sarcastically when i talk about how I get along with women like its a huge stretch of the truth or something….. yet I meet most of the silly requirements on all of your "snobish lists"… so in theory wouldnt your type talk to me and get along with me when they met me socially?

    oh I know…. over 6ft tall, single, black men with good jobs good credit, no kids, non thug, well versed, good looking, black men with great bodies over 30, just happen to grow on trees and have no value all of the sudden??

  48. @Comeback
    uh oh channeling Juwanna Mann

    "countray got ya crazaaayy
    deeet deet deet deeet deet deet
    oaktown 357 what!"

    *composes self*

  49. FYCK you Hasani.. I said I was kidding… it IS NOT that serious to be calling names, "3 abw’s can quote me sarcastically "

    Cut the passive aggressive bullsh**.

    Sunshine has OFFICIALLY turned into a dark Muthfyckin cloud.

  50. True dear what happened to you that you feel the need to be so rude to people?

    "I just want to be loved for me, and I want a responsible man

    thats it and thats all I “require”

    the rest cannot be so black and white…you may fall for someone who likes “ignorant music” and is a plumber, makes less than you, but adores and worships you….you gon deny him cause he isn’t a CEO or something like that? "

    the "Want to be loved for me and a responsible man" that is a list right there. And ain't no one ever said that they have to be a CEO. There are certain things we want from our men and the ability to hold their own can be one of them. I wouldnt not date a man b/c he is a plumber as long as he is taking care of his own.

    "Him not being a crackhead and alcoholic and rude to my momma and beat my ass are given things that shouldn’t even need to be put on the list…

    I mean seriously..do you really need to put on the list “must not be a child molester”, “must be able to read” “must not beat women”, “must not smoke crack”"

    For some people that isnt a given or it hasnt been in the past. For some people they are now taking a stand and saying they are not going to go for guys that arent worth anything. you should be happy for your fellow blog family members that they are starting to stick up for themselves instead of dating men that are worthless.

    And with this final comment for the day I am going pose a question to Mr. SBM… did you really want to give up our chit-chat and harmless banter for people that are so rude and degrading to your readers that you "love all of" (yes that is a quote from you in another post). I really hope not.

    And True before you continue to bash Comeback for her lists maybe you should listen to what she is saying and realize that lists work for her so why shouldnt she do something that works for her? And also maybe you should read our lists before you put them down.

    With that I leave you all for the safety of Comebacks Treehouse where people care about each other and may say things we dont want to hear but do it in a nice fashion.

    SBM I hope you enjoy your new commenting community.

  51. smh. dammit i was tryna avoid the gunshot wound of being an abw – lawd lawd, he shot me. i'm branded. take me now.

    @Nicki

    "yet I meet most of the silly requirements on all of your “snobish lists”… so in theory wouldnt your type talk to me and get along with me when they met me socially?

    oh I know…. over 6ft tall, single, black men with good jobs good credit, no kids, non thug, well versed, good looking, black men with great bodies over 30, just happen to grow on trees and have no value all of the sudden??"

    lol, me thinks he has not seen said lists.

    "Baptist and striving to improve relationship with God , Diverse interests, Comfortable with emotions" (yea i jacked ure list Nicki) – these are snobish? Nicki – u're a snob and an abw! shame shaaamme.

  52. @Comeback: I really do… ABW is used synonymously with Strong woman on here.

    @Nicki: You too have been shot and so have I… but someone isn't using the title right… so it's a compliment. Thanks for using that list and taking him to chuuuucccch. LOL.

    "u’re a snob and an abw" [Well, I NEVER!"] LOL.

  53. qb

    Rude??

    Me

    naw…I dont "rude" type..i actually type very matter of fact

    didn't mean to come off as rude but..*shrugs*

    oh well

    SBM honey..if you don't want me to post here or for some reason find my comments rude or offensive..you know how to kindly ask me to leave via email

    otherwise other posters …kick rocks

  54. "SBM honey..if you don’t want me to post here or for some reason find my comments rude or offensive..you know how to kindly ask me to leave via email "

    SBM honey??

    Seems like you're nicer to him than you are the lady folk around here. And THUS the inspiration for tomorrow's post…how about better balance to the other women who have NO DESIGNS whatsoever on your "honey". The whole dyck's chick persona is a little old. I would think that being nice to everyone would make you a little more attractive to honey LOL

    but hey..whatever. lol

  55. Comeback: You know I've always liked you.

    It does so seem that she's nicer to him than almost everyone else around here. Maybe she thinks that we're all out to or have fycked SBM. Well…she'd be wrong and beyond that I don't think many of us do. (Not that we don't love him-he's just more of a brother) But you would think that we were around here trying to take over and such is not the case. As it is though, some people just don't have any self-esteem so they like to TRY and bring others down except they end up being further minimized.

    That's right…I think honey likes friendly chicks.

  56. yall need like…another hobby or something lol..its not that serious..i dont even know none of yall..LMAO!!!

    I came back in here to see if there were any other posters posting on this subject and I can't believe in still the center of discussion

    geez louise!!!!

  57. Hasani you might meet most of the requirements on our lists but your an @ss-hole plain and simple that’s the problem with you.

    stating the obvious makes me an asshole my dear. If I was making claims that were NOT true I would be a retard or a moron. Other words used for putting things bluntly and with no filter…. "dick" or "glib" can be used.

    cuzzo: if you HAVE a list… its snobish.

    but other than being baptist…. hey Im "suited" for your list as well 🙂
    ill pick you up at 8?

    ya I still havent gotten an answer as to WHY some of you think that your worth the list you make? what sets you apart from the other women on the blog that makes you so special that you deserve a better quality of man than they do? cuz last I checked my type was the unicorn…. your types are quite common (hence the amount of you on the blog and dating in the pool)

  58. "what sets you apart from the other women on the blog that makes you so special that you deserve a better quality of man than they do?"

    That's actually a good question.

  59. "“what sets you apart from the other women on the blog that makes you so special that you deserve a better quality of man than they do?”

    That’s actually a good question.
    "

    who asked that question though?? Hasani speaks from his insecurities. The way he roles when he's not feeling his manly best is to try and pit one against the other. Where in ANY of what I wrote detailed that some women are better than others. I've always preached the opposite whereby there is someone FOR EVERYONE. You have a right to ask and get what you want in a mate. This presupposes that you are doing inner work. That you aren't asking for a man who is well rounded and well read…and you don't like to read.

    But i really am done here. I feel like i've outgrown this site from the last 8 months or so.And that honestly is a good thing. Unfortunately others are still mired down in the muck. Sadly some of it is deeply pathalogical and can't be helped in a post.

  60. Comebackgirl stated Where in ANY of what I wrote detailed that some women are better than others. I’ve always preached the opposite whereby there is someone FOR EVERYONE.

    if you are asking for more and feel you deserve more than everyone else around you. As said many times …. some of you have a missplaced sense of entitlement.

    You have the right to ask for what you want in a mate? How?

    thats like me walking into my job right now and telling them "GIMME MORE MONEY AND LET ME WORK FROM HOME OR ELSE!!!!"

    I cant do that because, I am nothing special. I just helped close down a date center 6 miles away from my data center… so theres about 20-50 people who are just as qualified and twice as hungry to work as I am. so I cant go about making overly gregarious demands.

    now… apply that to dating.

    lets take the worst man on the internet… ME. since your all so quick to put me down as a PoS "tryfe no good nigguh" ect ect we will start down at the bottom since I am supposidly not worth much.

    If an "asshole" and "simp" who is "not manly" and "insecure" like myself can go on 49 dates last year…. date a doctor, a lawyer, a swimsuiit model who has a double phd, all of them are under a size 5, all of them have good hair and none of them were hostile, ignorant, or had bad manners. none of them had kids and all thought that I was a very attractive and very decent man.

    so….
    since we are painting ME as a lowest of low on the black dating totem pole for today. and I have TOTALLY nothing ANY woman would ever want…..

    and I have no problem attracting and dating high caliber women….. like seriously NONE… (YES I am bragging)

    what sets you apart and makes you so special from the rest of the women out here that you can DEMAND more, much less compete on their level?

  61. sunshine:

    I dont think your an ABW…your a sweetheart… at times… sorta… but not an abw. unless there is something your not telling me?

    I think most angry black women .. KNOW they are angry black women.

    and yes, you can even be a fat white chick who digs brothas and were raised around black folk and still be infected with ABW syndrome. the disease is fast spreading, but I have the cure.

    HUGS and a warm smile 🙂

    I have warn down 2-3 ABW's this year, I wont stop til I make all of them nappy……… for at least a week.

    Darwin is taking care of the ABW problem. they wont be able to keep a man much less have a family.

  62. Hasani are you saying that we should just settle and date whomever comes our way? Because we aren't special and dont deserve to be able to choose who we date?

    that is the most asinine thing i have heard all year.

    I think I am going to just bounce like Comeback and stick to the treehouse. Ya'll are in need of some serious help.

  63. Wow, so ummm yeah…this is a whole lot going on. I would first like to say that I am NOT True, nor am I Anon…lol. But I still feel that the most has been done yet again here today. I took one damn day off and yall lose yall minds both and over at Comeback's. I feel like we're red states and blue states now…craziness I tell ya.

    SBM sweetie, really…if it's going to stay like this you might as well shut down the site b/c I sure feel another bout of ulcers coming on if this keeps up. I'm just saying.

  64. Wow…I am following in with Tiara here. This is utterly ridiculous. A few bad people have managed to run off all of the good ones. By good ones I mean the ones who know how to disagree without feeling as though they are sacrosanct. Honestly I think it is horrible that something that was working out as a family albeit a dysfunctional one has turned into something that's so negative no one wants to be around it but we fight to try because it's home.

    I cannot believe the lack of immaturity and common sense that has plagued the site (myself included) that has turned normal well-adjusted happy people into lions, tigers and bears. A definite re-evaluation should probably take place before you have many more ulcers and headaches. Maybe shutting down is…sadly…imminent.

  65. Jac people in glass houses…let it go, everyone is to blame. I'm not saying it's any one person or a particular group of persons to blame. We all need to cut it out…or keep it moving.

    Sorry SBM

  66. Tiara:You're so right. And yep people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. What happens when you live in a regular house and the people in the glass house throw stones at you? Do you throw back or just let them continue to batter you with rocks?

  67. Really people?

    I come home from a hard day of work and I'm greated with this …

    Grow up … EVERYBODY. Stop the madness, your not kids.

    I'm going to sleep, new post will be up tomorrow.

  68. Hasani are you saying that we should just settle and date whomever comes our way? Because we aren’t special and dont deserve to be able to choose who we date?

    I dont recall saying anything… if I recall I seem I asked a question

    a question outward to comeback, hey types and anyone who subscribes to her theories or even that could form a rational adult well thought out response worthy of intellectual retort, or rational philosophical affirmation.

    Im guessing my simple question about the list…. which seems to be the only person who stayed ON TOPIC, will go unanswered? its like talking to republicans I swear! I ask a direct question… and you ignore it and call me an asshole, say things are "out of hand" and ask questions back, not a single person can address the question??
    REALLY SENATOR PALINS?

    yall trippin. shut your own blogs down.
    SBM will still continue to write, my editorials will still get run and I will still cover news. Lion will still date, Why so serious will still work be happy and live life on and off the internet and we all will still be fine black men, who will date mate and be happy. I wish that for all of us single black men out here in the dating world 🙂

  69. Musical choice is not REALLY a deal breaker…. I was being facetious. But if he only wants to hang out at the hood spots and I only want to be on the artsy hip-hop scene, that’s not a good match up. It goes to personality.

  70. @ Nikki Sunshine

    "I won’t date another guy with a grill and F the World tattoos"

    What was his BIG attraction, why did you OVERLOOK those things and did you pass ever the Better Man for this guy or at least a dude that may have been better?

  71. I dont disagree with the list but all list should be flexible…your example..The Constitution, in fact all laws are list but they are FLEXIBLE …prohibition anyone?

    List are cool but note the Variables: You-Society-Your Love Interest will change in all kinds of ways you cant put on a list…like in 98 even though there was the Web but who knew cell phone cameras and social sites would really make us think twice about sex and Web. What if you want to date some one that meets your points on the list but has a really tacky myspace page?

    So I say write em or dont but dont knock those that do but if you write em I say be aware that PEOPLE change-does the list change with time?

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