Dating a weed head


Now … I am no angel.  I have done my share of dirt and broken a few federal laws … but overall I’m not that bad.  Haven’t shot nobody … yet.

One thing your boy SBM has dabbled in the past is that … sticky icky … aka … da green … aka … that purple … aka … that sh*t.

Now, I have given this past time up years ago, and even at my height I was never a big fan … but considering not everyone has had the will power to give up the habit … there is a good chance you will come across one at some point.

I have (at this point) decided that I will not seriously date a weed head.  I figured that there is probably one or more of you reading this site (cause your not doing sh*t and just got done with the Taco Bell run) … so I will share with you …

The Top Reasons to not Date a Weed Head

Their always hungy

Late night trips to the carry out (A DC thing), quick stops at taco bell, craving for 20 orders of wendy’s dollar chicken nuggets … its too much.  I once had a weed head friend eat until his stomach hurt … repeatedly.  It’s nto sexy … and I can see it wearing on anyone’s nerves … really quickly

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Lack of Motivation

If your someone who likes to do things … and I mean anything … uh … be prepared to stay home, eat, and watch half-baked.  No more crazy exciting dates and exploring new places … unless you found a new weed man.

Always have to add in time to get high

Going to the movies … don’t expect to catch them previews.  Jay Z concert … don’t expect to catch that hot new opening act. With a true weed head … they need to be higher than Magoo’s voice … so they need to blaze for everything.  They always give you the “Its better while high” argument … so remember to add in 45 minutes onto every major thing you do with the person.

Can never get pulled over

They always got weed on them, so running that red light no longer is a $50 ticket … but instead its a night in lock up and that good ol’ anal probe.

Constant paranoia

You thought your last girlfriend always thought you were cheating … wait until you have to deal with the chroic paranoia of a weed head.  Now you can’t make any quick moves, drive aggressively, and get too close to her anus as she is likely to stab you.

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So while I have never dated one myself … I have known enough in my time to know better.

I know I’m missing something … help me out …


  1. I think theirs two different kind of weed heads though, the European archetype or the West Indian archetype. What you described above is the West Indian Variety, think reggae music, sunny tropical environment, and not a care in the world, or to put it bluntly someone who is very lazy smokes all day long on the regular. On the other hand the European archetype is fairly consistent with observing a 4:20pm or on the way home from work attitude about smoking. Weather's terrible in Europe most of the year, so when it gets warm enough to go outside they toke up, go outside and explore. Bungee Jumping, Bumper Cars, whatever they can get into. In the past I was more of a Euro style smoker, I would get blowed and then go to the gym and lift, or even run. Incidentally I think if we could get more people to adopt more of a Euro style in their toking habits, then people wouldn't have such negative connotations about it legally.

  2. Here's one thing you missed…. weed turns off that Aquafina flow (cottonmouth becomes cotton…. ok, you get the idea). Got your $6 miniature tube of lube??

    (sorry to all the non-Superbad fans who missed that reference)

  3. in my highschool years I did my share of 'getting lifted' however at this point in my life I don't feel the need to be out of control of my surroundings. and I also don't want to date someone who makes getting high a priority.

  4. I feel like I would always be trying to help the person find a job if they were a true weed I know chicks that smoke the stuff regularly and they're actually pretty cool people with a laid back approach to life. Can't say I know how it would be to date one though.

  5. @Anesidor: WOW … Thats the single most compelling reason I have ever heard. I'm shocked and appalled. Explains a lot about this girl I had dated though …

  6. Ahhhh The Chief, we go waaaay back! We were GREAT friends up until about 2004.

    Bad Budgeting Habits
    Say WH only has $75 right, and the elctric bill is $100. In WH's mind they might as well buy a 50 sack and keep the $25 for munchies & blunts since they don't have the whole $100 for PECO…f*ck it! Oh yeah, that's also WH's #1 phrase "F*ck it!"

  7. Sorry to get off track here, but why (and make no mistake…. this question is totally rhetorical)is it that the unmotivated, looser, lazy, lack-luster weed head is called the "West Indian" archetype and the responsible, and motivated (weed head non-the-less) is called the "European" archtype? in addition, the latter weed head is provided an excuse for being such….You know "well hey the weathers bad; what else is there to do but smoke weed…duh). Stop it already with assigning those stupid fucking negative connotated words to people of color and it doesn't matter to me whether it was coined by a black person or a white one; it's just more sad if it's from a Black person.

  8. @SBM
    "sticky icky … aka … da green … aka … that purple … aka … that sh*t."
    aka dat oooOOOh weeeeeE 😉

    I was about to say the same [email protected] thing!

    Why does the west indian (read: BLACK) person have to be the lazy bum and the European (aka WHITE) person all happpy go lucky??? If you knew anything about Rastafari's, very intelligent socially conscious ppl…like Bob Marley (who's not a bum like you've put it), you'd change that tune.

    Most of hip-hop culture smokes and can still spit off the dome better than anything. Hell, lil wayne does about every drug imaginable and makes hits! None of these rappers got to where they are buy just sitting around smoking, eatting cookies, and falling asleep.

  9. @ Cuzzo,

    I certainly appreciate your noticing (not trying to be condescending)but you and I both know that maybe 95% of brothers and sisters would read that shit and the insult would just fly right over their heads. Good call….love my peeps when they pick up on the BS!

  10. @MDUBB: How did you get high and then go to the gym and lift? I just feel like that is such a set up.

    And I have to cosign on this west indian vs. European naming problem. I see what your getting at … but why west indian. This is especially bad since I am west indian.

  11. MDUBB – "What you described above is the West Indian Variety, think reggae music, sunny tropical environment, and not a care in the world, or to put it bluntly someone who is very lazy smokes all day long on the regular."

    When you said, "to put it BLUNTLY"…was that a pun? Heh…okay, okay…in all seriousness:

    Actually, when I read the "lack of motivation" part, scenes from "white guy stoner" movies flashed through my head. So your distinctions are way off base, especially considering the popularity of those types of movies nowadays.

  12. Lmao!!I second not dating a weed head. My roomate is one and I can hardly go out with her bc this breezy has to roll up before we go to a clubarlounge @ said place she has to step out @ least once to blaze again. Just observing her makes me know I can't deal with a weedy.

    Not to mention the smell. Plus it's such a waste of money and time. Driving way across town or in my case all the way to the end of another borough to get to the supplier is retarded.

  13. Will send my bf's offblog
    Apart from highly enjoying the sensual pleasures (ie: eating) most all of the wh "disadvantages" disappear with the demise of "prohibition" (forget legalization)

  14. @SBM i thought you didn't like lists

    "I certainly appreciate your noticing (not trying to be condescending)but you and I both know that maybe 95% of brothers and sisters would read that shit and the insult would just fly right over their heads. Good call….love my peeps when they pick up on the BS!"

    if you have to say "not trying to be condescending" then you know you are being condescending… and i think your figure of 95% is a litt;e over-exaggurated

  15. Damn I set off some shit up in here.
    It wasn't racial at all, I'm really just talking about how they see weed in say Amsterdam where they'll engineer new strains the same way Germans engineer BMW's, and then conversely the sticky icky's historical role for say Jamaicans or the Mexican workers who brought the wonderful plant to America a couple centuries ago. They grow it outside and role with however it comes out and smoke it for relaxation and upliftment, (I love these little puns).

    It's really about the cultural attitudes that go along with each location. It is about climate, social norms, and it's damn sure about proximity to the U.S. and it's anti drug laws. One thing it's not about is race because Americans of all races pretty much do it the West Indian way beacause that's who most American smokers like to believe they're emulating, most stoner movies are in fact a good example of this. On the flipside, the Euro version is damn near a sport, with conventions and awards for the best green grown.

    Basically when I say "West Indian" and "European", I'm talking about geography; it's not always about race folks. But I guess I should have said American vs. Euro, that would've been more clear.

    I could go on and on, because I'm damn near the President of the military chapter of NORML, unofficially that is(lol). Either way peace and love cause that's how I (obviously) roll.

  16. Oh yeah don't insult a true weed supporter like myself on the wonderful relationship Rasta's have with cannabis and I never called anyone a bum or unintelligent. Now I'm offended! Lol

  17. @qb

    First of all when I said I wasn't attempting to be condescending, I was simply making sure "tone" was clear. As a short-term english major, we learned that sometimes certain things need to be explained and put into context via email because the person writing does not have the advantage of visualization of facial expressions, or to hear voice inflections, etc.

    Additionally, I hope there is no other airhead out there who believes that I utilized some FOIA, to come up with governmental statistics about how many black people would actually "get it" if they had been insulted on the sly. Were you under the impression that I had personally conducted a fu%#ing poll? Many people come up with these way-out figures when they're attempting to make a point. Thing is, most of those listening, understand that they are not to take it at face value, but not you Angel.

    Please tell me noone else thought I meant that shit literally. Very good QB, my comment was purposely E-X-A-G-G-U-R-A-T-E-D! AND NOW FOR YOUR WORD FOR TODAY….. D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y!

  18. @Tina sorry spelling isnt my strong point and quite frankly when you break your wrist and type with one hand you tell me how much you care about looking ish up to make sure it's spelled right.

  19. Controlled Substances Act (1972!) already provides for regulated production, trade & use… Just apply the true law and "prohibition" disappears & "(re)legalization" not necessary

  20. Aint it funny how some one you knew had a normal life until they got caught drinking and driving?

    Furthermore just about ALL creative industries have a huge disproportion of weed heads-so kill that laziness bullsh!t

    Tupac worked harder than some of yall on this BLOG!!

    Bill Maher show is the sh!t and no you cannot do a better job just cause you work a "real job". Waste of money? Okay so everything that everyone on this blog buys is needed..EVERYTHING?

    If you want it and its your money how is it a waste?

    And if we gonna talk waste I'll say its a waste to buy shoes outside of work or how about accessorizing well everything, just leave it the way it came out of the box.

    While on it do you really need a Dish and 700 channels, how about BAPE or any other clothing you only brought POST GRAD school? Or when ever you started making real money

    All of this shows that yall know nothing about drugs-dope and coke stay in your system about a week or so-so some of yall who swear by them job drug test are jerks. And I didnt even bring up cigarettes…now thats a drug!!!!

    And all real smokers knows that only CLOSE FRIENDS and FAM know we smoke..shorty I dated off and on for a year has no fucking clue…yall need to stop hanging around the sycophantic-Entourage-Turtle-need to-be Liked Mofos

    Before knocking other peoples habits look at your own.

  21. Lls idk wat u was smokin but i jus became a head about a year ago and since then i quit eatin fast food lost over 30 lbs , cant stop reading books, started traveling got my passport now…. U jus needed a better connect but 2 each his own

  22. Lets be real. I started tokeing at 13 I'm 50. I've been weed head for 37 years. Had a career, raised kids, and had major medical issues (totally unrelated), and retired early. Still Smoking.

  23. word? Only a handful of my closest friends and family know I smoke, and most of them smoke with me. If I have cash, and there is nothing else it NEEDS to be spent on, it goes straight to a dealer for my next bag. But seriously, being a weed head is not what non smokers make it out to be. I made it through my four years of high school, and three years of varsity football, and our team drug tests a week before every game. I made sure I was clean based on what was important to me. I have never been fired from a job, never been kicked out or suspended from school for having or smoking weed, not a single bad thing comes from it, as long as you can be mature about your life. I pay rent, bills, buy gas for my car, and put gas in my parents car and I still can go get a bag at the end of the day. If you think its bad, try it. I used to say the same stuff before I picked up the herb, and all it has done to me is make me really mellow, sleep better, and have way more fun.


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