Relationships … their great … right?
But … then there is the inevitable demise … and the break up. Sure … you could stay together forever, but since the failure rate of relationships for any one person is around 99% … your probably gonna break up.
There are plenty of reasons to break up, she’s crazy, she’s possessive, she hits you, she slept with your brother or father, she cut or shot you … you get the idea. But … there is another well documented one …
For a long long time … this poor reason has been persecuted and made fun of. Show after show (Seinfield comes to mind) have ridiculed it and given it a bum rap for years. Well … you poor reason … SBM is here to save that ass come to the rescue.
“It’s not you … It’s me”
Yeah … her skilled ability at fellatio supporting him isn’t the reason for the break up … and really … there is nothing she could do … he just wasn’t ready for anyone … let alone the prototype.
For some reason no one seems believes this when told to them. Whether it comes from out a woman’s glossy lips or off the brash tongue of a guy … it seems someone always wants to call bullsh*t.
Let’s all take a look at the break up conversation of Tyrone Barack (yeah … he changed his name) Jackson (blackest name alive!) and his girlfriend Jacquoenishia Jenkins.
Tyrone: “Hey Nishia … we need to talk”
Jacquoenishia: “What’s up baby? You still sore? I’m sorry about last night … I didn’t mean to bite down on it.”
T: “Oh … naw girl. I’m fine. It’s something else.”
J: “Ok … something wrong?”
T: “I don’t think this is working for me.”
T: “I just don’t think I’m ready for where this is going. We’ve been together for 4 months and its been great … but I just don’t think I’m ready to share myself with you on that level.”
T: “I love you … but I just don’t think this is the right time for me.”
J: “I said I was sorry for last night. I just hiccuped. Baby don’t do this.”
T: “There is nothing you could have done different … I’m just not ready.”
J: “Please don’t. I love you so much and I love what we have going. What should I have done different?”
T: “Nothing … It’s not you.”
J: “Is this because I wouldn’t do the threesome.”
T: *long sigh* “Baby … It’s not you … It’s Me”
J: *pause* “What?!?!”
T: “It’s not you … It’s Me.”
J: *long pause* “What the f*ck is this bullsh*t you B*TCH A$$ N*GGA!!! I don’t believe you gonna tell me this bullsh*t instead of coming to me like a real man and just telling me what was wrong. It’s prolly cause I wouldn’t cook breakfast for you. Well f*ck you, f*ck your momma, and your dick is small anyways … eat a d*ck you ol’ “….
Jacquoenishia proceeds to curse out poor Tyrone for the next 35 minutes, telling him about how bad the head is, how he’s broke, and why his mama’s a b*tch. All this … because he made that one statement …
Ok … obviously Nishia is a made up super hood rat … but hey … I had to prove a point.
Why is it so hard to believe that one person is just not ready? How come its so improbable that one person realized they don’t have the emotional capacity to invest into another individual? Why he gotta be a b*tch a$$ n*gga?
Now … the flip side.
If it really is your a$$ … don’t go blaming the other person. If he/she broke up with you because your a liar, or a cheater, or just plain evil (the black goo) … then don’t try and blame it on them … telling your friends “He just couldn’t handle a real woman!” or “She just wasn’t ready for a real man!” … when the truth is your a b*tch (that goes for men and women … cause guys can be a b*tches too).
Does this statment still have this negative connotation? Has anyone ever told it to you? Do you actually know someone named Jacquoenishia? If you do … smack her mama … please.
Well. I have had this whole it's not you it's me conversation once or twice. I had it the other day cause it is him and so I am not going to deal with him thereby it's not you it's me..cause I just don't like you.
I might be pissed today, so I'ma stop now.
lmao Jac, say it with me wooo sahhhh…
I actually didn't know people still say this. I mean if your kicking it with someone and it is actually them, why not just tell the truth?
if its you and you just want to be out free freaking, then say that….
I told a couple folks something like "its just not gonna work" then they demand the truth and then its all down hill from there….
which leads to another question, can people actually handle the truth??
blog about that
I know some people that have used this one but it was all BS. So maybe Jacquoenishia is right to black on him, she didnt have to come at the mama tho (I know this is a fictional story). I think in this situation you can't just leave it to that statement, you have give a detailed explanation of how it's you and not them. Or just be a goon and bounce.
I have been man enough to tell women before that it is me. The last one was a girl I named Sweet Southern Woman that was anything but sweet. She was cool but moved too fast for me.I told her I wasn't up to her level for how she wanted to move but she swore up and down that other men loved her speed.
I told her it wasn't for me and she got defensive.
lmao @ slapping j's mama
yeah I feel the statement still has negative connotation because men are horrible communicators… so a woman is going to take that as if they aren't saying what's really wrong even if it is them not being ready.
personally i just feel she played herself for even begging for answers because then it would have never got to the point of him having to say it was him and not her.
Yeah I think "It's just me" is a weak ass excuse. I had a girl tell me that once, and then had a new man like two weeks later. So actually it was because she was a "tea-bagging, slut-bag, funky ass whore". So maybe she was right….it was just her, but there was still an underlying reason.
I don't know a jacqonishia but I do know some kids with equally strange names: sexxigh,jodeci,pretti,doll,nautica,revenge,dmx, and the one that takes the cake: tafarifieen nyzillakazii !!!!!
Ok so I often ponder if people really can handle the truth,
we say we want the truth but the truth hurts, it sears into your heart like a cow prod.
the truth? I can't handle it…
"it's me" was my very first and last excuse. It really was me LOL…MY fault for keeping his @zz around so long.
please don't slap J's mama…cause my Mama almost named me VonGretchen..there are much worst names dude.
My mama almost named me Hildegaard.
"My mama almost named me Hildegaard
jac stop lyin LOL
"“I said I was sorry for last night. I just hiccuped"
I think it's hard to believe because you'd have to have known you weren't ready before even getting into a relationship… there was something there the entire time, and the party ignored it and pushed forward. Why go there in the first place if you can't give 100%?
it's like that sometimes. Sometimes you grow in different directions, and it becomes you. You can't blame a person for realizing their shortcomings, or plain saying it isn't working out. It's a wrap.
I've been lucky in that the girls I've dated have been REALLY great girls. But I knew I wouldnt be ready for them. They deserved better than what I could give them. And me struggling just wouldn't be a good look.
@Nicki: You might come in thinking "This girl is great … I can do better" … but then you realize that you just don't need to be bunned up because you got some personal things to knock out.
On the other hand … sometimes you come in … change … and then just leave mad that the person wasn't even close to being worth the effort.
Uhhh, "It's Not You, it's Me" is the best damn way to be nice, save face, and possibly your ass…
I told a guy the truth this summer, and he threatened to kill me, the truth could hurt both of us…now, i shall blame everything on myself…even if the b.a.n. is a loser and bad at fellatio…
"uh, baby, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, but it's me…I'm bi-polar, and a nutcase, waiting to happen, I don't think it's going to work. I could pull a Jazmin Sullivan at anytime, and I don't want to f*** your 1994 Impala, up, so I'm doing this for your own good"
" told a guy the truth this summer, and he threatened to kill me, the truth could hurt both of us"
Oh GOD girl, that's too much.
@SBM: Can't all of that be knocked out with a good old "courting" period? I know I'm sounding goody goody, but I'm learning things from being single for SO LONG! LOL
this topic hits close to home
me and bartender broke up this weekend
and…it was him…lol…
I BLAME HIM
but its all good…
about the topic..it is bs..its always something wrong with the other person…and thats cool
people say "its not u..its me" to spare feelings..and I think sometimes and depending on the person…u should say that
i understand the concept and have said it to men, vice versa. the guy i've been dating for 11 months has said something of the sort 3 times, but for some reason sticks around and gets mad when i try to give him what he's asked for, space. it's about how you communicate it and the other person has to be understanding enough. a lot of men i know give this reason for good reasons. they got a lot of ish going on (personal, career, business ventures) and they just can't give her the attention and care that she deserves. in the case when i've used it, i just lied. most of the time it is them, not me. i get bored easily. if you bore me i'm calling next!
I would never actually say this line simply cuz it is so overused. She will probably assume I was sliding off or preparing to slide off, both of which I wanna avoid. This line will also force someone to provide more of an explanation than they intended cuz it's such a vague statement. I usually act like a male, let it bottle up, then blow up and provide 10 concrete reasons why the ish is over. Afterwards, I park my car in a new place for a while.
I remember trying to break up with a woman before I got deployed. She didn't know it was coming and there was just something about her that made me sort of eh about her. She was a good girl but she just didn't have anything that made me love being around her.
I have had women say something along the lines of "I have some issues to take care of with a friend (themselves)" or something along that line and poof they were gone. I would've just accepted "you don't do it for me." As many times as I've been rejected, I would figure it would be that easy.
If I could see problems that we'd been having all along, then I just might that it was you and not me. But if you hit me with that line out of the blue with NO explanation whatsoever behind that, then I'm gonna have to go ahead and pull a Jazmine.
You not gonna up and just leave me like that. Especially after I learned to do that little "thing" you like?
Fuck that! You got to give me a two week notice or something.
going to hit up boxing, but ill weight in on this when I get back. sorry been away so long.
but heres a dime to toss around befor I come back.
if you make a commitment to a woman (or a man) and then you "grow in separate directions" as some of you say, arent you honor bound by the spiritual commitment you have invested in that person to stay together as long as you have your faith and trust in one another?
I would find it despicable to leave a woman just because she was no longer the flavor of the month. because honestly you never really grow in seperate directions… the person just no longer meets your criteria or you feel you can do better and use that line as validation for your thoughts.
Comeback-I am telling you what the Lord loves and that's the truth.
Hildegaard, Jonjenita Olivette, Jazmine….yeah…thank goodness for Jaclynn Elise.
u make a good point
and I hate to keep coming back to my own very recent break up but I can't help it
We lacked trust ….
I caught him texting some girls (one a stripper) about secretly loving them and making arrangements to pick her up, drop her off for her set and blah blah blah.., possibly gettin invited inside after dropping a female co worker off at 3 am, and so forth..
then I GOT THE SILENT treatment after i found out all that
I guess I just didn't do it for him anymore…
when I told him I felt his love was leaving me or he was becoming distant..he blamed it on the lack of trust and said "we tried..but it aint working"
I know thats crap…as HNIC said..he found the new flavor of the month (aka the stripper ) and probably wants to sew his oats some more. not only that but he works at a couple of the most popular clubs in the city…i predicted we would break up when that happened because well..this new ass is hard to resist….especially being in the position he is in..he is really "the man" …I cramp his style probably
that makes me feel inadequate…but whatever
and regardless of the reason
breakups happen because someone doesn't want the other person anymore
point blank…no matter what the reason is (too fat, too bitchy, not smart, can't cook, cheated) they dont want you/you dont want them anymore
its a hard pill to swallow..but a true one
"its a hard pill to swallow..but a true one"
I'll just leave that one alone…
This basically was the reason I gave my ex hubby for our split, and no it didn't go over too well. He kept wanting to know why, why, why, and wouldn't accept that we'd just grown apart and I didn't love him anymore. So then you start FINDING reasons after the fact. Now I can tell you what a nimrod stupidhead idiot he is and that's why we split up.
But yea, sometimes there is no reason besides I just don't want to be with you anymore. Accept it and move on.
Why are so many people convinced that even when a person says "I need some time for me" its still somehow interpreted as "you suck and I'm lying".
Damn … I didn't reach anyone …
@DC Dating Diva: Why would a guy being bad at fellatio be a problem? I hope your man doesn't know how to suck dick.
LMFAO! @ SBM @ DC Dating Diva
I just went back and read this…
*fell over dead @ SBM @ DC Dating Diva.
I sure hope she means cunnilingus (sp)
HA!!! You guys crack me up…aren't they the same thing??? J/K, I meant cunnilingus 🙂 But the guy I was talking about, Psycho boy…we never even had sex and he was crazy…just imagine if he got to sample the goods…(shaking my head)…
DC Dating Diva
I havent been on the blog scene in a minute but im on winter vaca so im back bitches
as for this: i concur
i just gave this older man i was dating the good ol heev hoe because i didnt like him anymore.didnt wanna kiss him, didnt wanna sex him, didnt even want to spend his money anymore lol, so you know its a wrap for him
and i hit him with the "its me" line as well, told him i was 25 and all the way live, confused and still exploring and experimenting with life, said he didnt deserve to be dragged through all that indecision, he deserved a woman that knew what she wanted and wouldnt always have him waiting in limbo- said i was just like my mother…shes never satisfied 😉
i think putting it all on you saves the person's ego and also kind of sells them on the fact that maybe it is you and then they will let you go with out holding on for dear life, texting and calling and stalking your facebook page.
it was used on me once and it took me a minute to get it, but now i am thankful for the easy let down,
i'd rather have a fast no than a slow maybe
Seems to me that in 4 months he knew from the jump that he wasn't "ready for where it was going". So why begin in the first place? Cause he wanted regular sex? Cause he wasn't man enough to say we just friends? AND why is that "its just me" convo always after mind blowing sex the night before? lol coincidence? NOT!
Men need to be straight up from the beginning and stop going into relationships knowing long term is NOT what they want. Stop locking down sistas cause you want that ass to yourself. If you are not going to own it, then let another brotha do what it do. Stop blocking and be honest.
Wow at your last paragraph..that is really what it boils down to
That was funny.
I liked that.