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Relationship Amnesia

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Jamal: “Uh … hello”
Keisha: “Hey baby … how was your day”
J: “Why are you calling me?”
K: “Your silly … what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t call my man.”
J: *silence*
K: “So are you gonna tell me about your day?”
J: “You have got to be kidding me! Did you forget what happened yesterday?”
K: “We had an argument … but we have had them before.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
J: *sighs* “Are you serious?”
K: “Baby … I know your not still mad at me.”
J: “Well … you did shoot me 4 times in the stomach with my own gun … and I think you spit on me too … I was only half conscious”
K: “I said I was sorry last night and even drove you to the hospital.  And don’t act like you didn’t do anything.  I specifically asked for two small cans of soup … and you brought me one big can.”
J: *pauses* “They took out one of my kidneys, and I went through 7 hours of sugery today … and you really expect me to forget already?”
K: “I did.  I said I’m sorry.  You just gonna keep holding onto the past?”
J: *hangs up phone*
K: “I mean how long is gonna stay mad.  I got over it.”

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amnesia

Keisha sadly suffers from … Relationship Amnesia



Relationship Anmesia:

A condition where a person in a relationship quickly forgets the violent, immature, dangerous, or just stupid things they did to their mate within a very short period of time (often 24 hours).  Often characterized by conversations pretending like nothing ever happened, a refusal to let go, and blatant ignorance of the other person’s requests (stop calling me, etc).  This afflicts males and females.  In males it can be a symptom of bitchassness … in females it is often linked to “crazyness”.

Relationship Amnesia is a serious problem and is messing up the lives of poor individuals all over the country.  If we don’t stop this epidemic soon … who will?  Do you want to be caught off guard when your ex shows up at Christmas dinner smiling with a ham in his hand … as if the curse out and break up you dealt him for sleeping with your coworker never happened?

Relationship Amnesia exists in more than one form.  You have temporary … and chronic.

Let me explain …

The temporary form may only happen once or twice and will usually be big.  This is the girl who just doesn’t want to believe that its over … or the guy who won’t acknowledge that he cheated … you get the idea.  Of those afflicted … some will, when confronted with their recent wrong doing … try and blame the other.  You see how Keisha above tried to blame Jamal … because he brought a big can of soup.  Like her being a trigger happy psycho way too emotionall didn’t have anything to do with it.

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Now … the worst kind … the chronic case.  This case inflicts those dumb individuals who are always forgetting what they did.  They will curse you out … hang up on you … and talk about your mama insult your character … then call you the next day like nothing is wrong.  Or … you might have been mad and did the cursing because of some issue (lying, cheating, forgot you at the airport) … the call ends … nothing is resolved … and the next day they hit you up like your not still angry. You may also have fits of selective memory … where their version never puts them in the wrong. For example:

“Don’t forget my birthday like you did last year … lol.”
“What are you talking about … I didn’t forget it.”
“Yeah you did … remember … you came over and saw the balloons and then apologized because you had been working so hard.  Its not a big deal … we had only been dating 2 weeks.”
“I have no idea what your talking about … I never forget birthdays … ask my mama!”
“Baby … its ok.  You went and got me that cute teddy bear the same day. Its aight.”
“Why you always gotta make me out to be the bad guy! I AINT FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY!”

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This dumb bastard poor guy suffers from … Relationship Amnesia.

We here are SingleBlackMale.net are concerned about this epidemic and the implications is will have to good honest people trying to hold good honest relationships.  So … I, SBM, am starting the “Remeber or Die” campaign.  We will soon have shirts, hats, shot glasses, thongs, boy shorts, sport bras, and condoms … all with the slogan printed on them.  Every donation will go to purchase Gingko Baloba, notepads, video recorders, and phone recording devices for these forgettful bastards.

The first step is sharing … have you every had a fit of Relationship Amnesia, have you dated someone afflicted with relationship amnesia, is someone you currently don’t want to talk to still calling you because of their fit with Relationship Amnesia?

– This message brought to you by your lovable and concerned SBM

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Comment(45)

  1. I USED to suffer from chronic cases of RA, but mine were more like umm…well…fake. I always would play like I forgot stuff, but I never forget anything. And you're right, it is directly connected to "crazy". But, I'm all better now. Just had to get my stuff together or I'd never have any luck out here in the world!

  2. Hmmm, I've never been the fighting type and was always the one to break up the relationship. I guess the only times I've had RA was when I was unaware that he was mad at me. I was say something in conversation that would make him mad but he would never say anything to make it known he was upset. He would just stop talking to me… why do guys do that!! It's annoying. So the next day I call him up as usual and mid way through the convo, cause he's very short with me up til then, he breaks out saying something like "so you going to keep talking like everything is okay? You ignoring the fact that I'm upset?" **blank stare, silence, crickets** WTF are you talking about?! Same thing happened when he said lets just be friends… I was like aight, whatev. Didn't call him the whole weekend when he was out of town. He calls me Monday, we're talking… same thing, "so you aren't going to acknowledge the fact that you didn't speak to me all weekend?" you get the picture. It is just me? Was I obligated to still communicate everyday even though he just broke it off with me?? geez… we're still dating though, let him off the hook.

  3. I don't suffer from Relationship Amnesia, because I remember everything. You screw up–I don't forget it and you sure ain't about to get away with it–just like that.

    A dude I went out with a few times is sufferring from Dating Amnesia. He forgot he screwed up–he lied and I told him from the beginning that the only thing he had to do was be a man of his word–he failed big time,but act like he hasn't. He still wants to pursue me…thinking it will lead to a relationship…so I've had to simply ignore him. I tried being nice—even talking to him after I made the decision that he was definately NOT the one. Since his amnesia kept him from seeing what I was telling him, ignoring him is best.

  4. I have had boughts with the Relationship Amnesia guy… for some reason, some men think that after they do something wrong, they can not call you for a couple of days and you'll forget about it??? WTF. That's another example.

    Anywho, I dated a guy who said he wasn't ready for a relationship CONSTANTLY but when he found out I was dating someone else he'd say, "but that's not what I meant." (Ummmm, what else can you mean by "not ready for a relationship.") This ninja would always say things and then act like he didn't say them (which even had me doubting my sanity! LMAO!)

    Thankfully I have learned to recognize these fools and lace up my track shoes and beat it… EARLY.

  5. My Ex husband thought we were gonna reconcile during our separation after he'd spraypainted my car, stole a few thousand dollars from me, ran my cell bill up to $1600, stole my wedding ring, threw my computer, got some other woman pregnant, tried to fight one of my close friends, & caused permenant damage to the hearing in my right ear. All in the process of trying to win me back. RA, indeed…..

  6. I find it interesting how most women (including the ones on this site) think they have never had a RA moment but of course all their men did. The fact that they fell to remember or acknowledge it is a RA moment in itself. I have had a couple bad memory moments or times when I just wanted to move on from an arguement but my girl is not beat for that. It is what it is, if you do wrong you're going to get called out on it.

  7. I have to agree with Reign. Im not a fighter either. So I guess if I was in a relationship with a man who always needed to fight or have nato summits about little disagreements, he might view me as a relationship amnesia type person. I'm not lettin anybody kill my joy, if I found myself in a relationship with a joy killer or a grudge holder then I'd have to shoot myself two times in both eyeballs.

    Being a mature minded adult is about a) picking your battles b) being able to disagree without being disagreeable and checking your ego at the door.

  8. @SBM

    "I said I was sorry last night and even drove you to the hospital. And don’t act like you didn’t do anything. I specifically asked for two small cans of soup … and you brought me one big can.”"

    You stupid for this one. I remember when she said that. I think this is a sign of craziness. The ex did this and it was unbelievable. I just don't get how you wild the hell out then act as if nothing happens.

  9. @Humble One: Found hi in the high school cafeteria & apparently should have left him there…

    Which brings me to the converse of this issue…RA can be contagious. When you're with a person with RA, your start to think that ish is normal (thru repeated brainwashing) & you get RA too. They are so convincing and steadfast that you start to think that YOU are the crazy one.

    I'm recovering tho, loved ones…..

  10. LMAO!!!

    yeah… relationship amnesia…

    ok, so here's my story… when i was 17, i was engaged for the first time. (keep in mind, i was 17 and i had a lot to learn) right before he proposed, we'd had an argument to which he had said a lot of hurtful things to me. like some seriously below the belt type shit. so i told him to fuck off and said some other mean things before running into my house.

    the next day, this crazy mofo comes over and is like "hey" and acting as tho i didn't just tell him to leave me alone for eternity… then his ass proposes!!! (sigh) it was a platinum ring with 7 diamonds… sooooo pretty… so i said yes… ugh… like i said, i had a lot of shit to learn at this point…

    sadly, our break up happened similarly to this. he was smothering me. i told him it was over. he came over acting like everything was ok. i gave him the ring back and he acted shocked and appalled like our break up conversation had never happened…

    crazy… that's what his ass was

  11. "I find it interesting how most women (including the ones on this site) think they have never had a RA moment but of course all their men did. The fact that they fell to remember or acknowledge it is a RA moment in itself"

    LOL @ Mr. McFly..I can't forget stuff like that. Once you done got my blood pressure up, we need to confront it.

  12. @ ComebackGirl: Ummm… a little extreme but point made lol. Fighting is just not something I want to invest time. I've been lucky to find guys that like to talk through things. Even the guy mentioned is not a fighter, but silence is not the way to go.

  13. Anesidora – all I can say is woe. That was something–and to think you were supposed to forget all that. Shaking my head.

    lol Johnny. Contrary to popular belief, some of us are actually good women and don't get the type of amnesia described here.

  14. ROFL @ this whole scenario. I have to admit that I have suffered from relationship amnesia. I was raised to vent my frustrations and get over it and I expect everyone else to be the same way. But … most people are not. Clearly it's not to this extreme because I don't believe in shooting people in the stomach and what not, but I have been known to say some fly stuff and expect the other person to get over it. I am recovering though, lol.

  15. Hi, new reader here…

    So WOW- there's a name for this? Awesome! Now I know what to call it when I talk about a certain ex who flipped on me, broke it off and then two days later called me like nothing happened, wondering why I had an attitude. HUH? I honestly thought I was on candid camera.

    I doubt I've ever suffered from RA, though, because I'm that chick that holds a grudge likes it's the last bar of gold on earth.

    PS- loved the dialogue… "I specifically asked for two small cans of soup … and you brought me one big can.” HA, that had me crying!

  16. I'm typing this from the cell so excuse any errors…

    I will say this: I did spit on a guy once. But it was only after I walked in on him (@his home – I had a key and arrived about the same time daily) in another girls mouth, (yea, like that), and he thought the appropriate response was to rush over to me, saying he was sorry, and trying to kiss me.

    – Negative brother.

    "Back. The. F. Up."

    *spits*

    "Maybe you will understand that…"

    I raise this point to say, after I left and said it was over, grabbing what I could as ol girl hid in the bathroom. Dude called me later that night, PISSED, that I wasn't coming over and he had to sleep alone.

    I politely offered to call ol girl and invite her back over to his place on his behalf.

    He totally couldn't believe I was done like that, so he thought he could roll on like nothing happened. WTF. They need a pill for this condition. It gets dudes spit on.

    In a place they don't like it.

  17. I'm glad its not just me. For a second when I was writing it I was thinking "maybe its just me … maybe this really is normal".

    I'm trying to decide if super short term cases (like an hour) count. I once had someone leave me stranded on a street in Philly for like 20 minutes … then come back like it was my fault … and then proceeded to get mad at me for "bringing up old stuff" … all of 30 minutes later.

  18. "I’m trying to decide if super short term cases (like an hour) count. I once had someone leave me stranded on a street in Philly for like 20 minutes … then come back like it was my fault … and then proceeded to get mad at me for “bringing up old stuff” … all of 30 minutes later."

    im not talking about psycho extremes..yeah there is something wrong with people who can go hot and cold like this. But sometimes i do wonder about people who attract people like these.

  19. "Once you done got my blood pressure up, we need to confront it.

    Okay, maybe I was lyin… does it count when you try to let something go and act like it doesn't bother you but the very next day, you blow up about it and he's confused now? LOL

    Welcome Jaded NYer! (dang blogfam, welcome your new folks. LOL)

    Wow, bam… wow

  20. @Jaded NYer: My bad … manners is slipping.

    Welcome

    And a retroactive welcome to like … everybody … I'm going through caffeine withdrawal … its tough

  21. I won't lie. I have had relationship amnesia. Yep.

    I was in a relationship with a 'window buster' for almost a year, (I went through 4 windshields in 10 mos).

    I remember I was 21 & had just purchased my 1st home. Dude was super insecure and would spaz out over everything. But I kept taking him back.

    Until one day he burst my windshield and I was in the car and I felt the little shards of glass hit my face as I closed my eyes.

    Suddenly, there was nothing he could say or do to get me back. RA is something I think everyone has for a moment or two in life… Usually over someone who we don't deserve or vice verse…

    Hey Ms. Sunshine 🙂

  22. Aww… look at all this love. Thank you!

    But in reading more responses, I didn't realize that RA applies to conveniently (or not) forgetting the crazy ish someone does to you. If that's the case, your honor, I enter into evidence Exhibit A: a 13 year relationship with a man who repeatedly lied to me about stuff, hiding things in the apt like he was a child and I was his mother. Still every night I slept in the same bed with this fool, playing house, acting like we were The Cosbys… SMH

  23. I think people that have RA are people that think too highly of themselves to apologize or hold themselves accountable for any wrong doing they do to other people. They would rather front like nothing happen instead of dealing with what they did. Its easier for them that way.

  24. "I think people that have RA are people that think too highly of themselves to apologize or hold themselves accountable for any wrong doing they do to other people"

    I think this is right.

  25. Yes. The Window Buster is gone. Although he does make every effort to keep in touch. Probably makes him feel better.

    If it counts for anything: he paid for every windshield, and I was not injured.

  26. @ladebelle: You sure you weren't engaged to my ex?? LOL! He was (is) notorious for the below the belt hits in arguments (I always had my "off limits" topics….not him) and then act like he didn't just say the most hurtful shyt ever. He STILL does this to me…will talk about me like a DOG & in front of my kids (I've been called every name in the book in front of them) then want my cooperation on something the next day. GTFOHWTBS!

    Seriously, though, this is also a tactic of abusive partners. Someone once pointed out to me that my ex was verbally abusive, and when I thought about it I think they're right.

    And all this is why I have my blog….gotta woo sah this all out.

  27. So who is ready to donate to the campaign?

    First we need to identify these poor bastards (if its you … its OK … we still love you) … and then higher some of the best mental experts to help them.

    Or maybe we can get all the sufferers some type of implant that records everything they say for the rest of their life.

  28. "If it counts for anything: he paid for every windshield, and I was not injured"

    @Bam.. it counts. Hallelujer! 😉 He just oughta pay for him… he's lucky you didn't get his butt locked up

  29. Now that I ate lunch, I can think…

    RA is a beast. I sometimes think it's a tactic used to cause a disruption in my life. Shorty goin all nuts even when it's not that time of the month then turning into a completely different person 24 hours later.

    On the flip though, there's been times where I thought sumthin wasn't that serious and I'd talk to shorty the next day as if things were cool. It wasn't that I forgot, I just didn't wanna revisit the petty stuff anymore.

    Last point about this amnesia is that it's OD selective for some people. They can't remember how they went nuts and caused all sorts of headaches, but they remember sumthin you did 6 months to 6 years ago and still bring it up.lol.

  30. I am the queen of relationship amnesia, but it doesn't make me crazy. In fact, it makes me sane. The random acts of verbal abuse are what make me a little unstable. I don't see the point in holding a grudge if no bodily harm or permanent damage was done to me or the inflicted party. So I said a few things that may have crushed your ego, get over it…just like I got over it when you insulted my intelligence by your actions that led up to said ego crushing.

    I am the girl who will fuss with a guy and then call him back later in the day like it was no big deal…b/c probably it wasn't. I've noticed that our generation tends to argue about a lot of senseless stuff these days, nothing paramount to anyone's success, so why let it bother me for an extended period of time.

    I'm just not big on being upset, it's draining and unnecessary. I may cut people off for things that they've done to me but I will not stay mad at them for it. I personally think that this outlook makes me healthier than staying mad over something stupid, or even staying mad over something that wasn't necessarily stupid. Maybe I'm wrong, but it works for me. I'm healthy, happy and I'll live longer for it…now if only I could control my impulse tongue lashings.

  31. How hilarious is this!

    I literally just experienced this, this morning!

    So I'm dating this older man right, we had recently broke up like 2 months ago, and got back together last week. We are communicators so we had this 3 hour convo about how the relationship was gonna be different this time around. This was the most crystal clearish relationship do's and don't conversation ever in the history of relationship conversations.We left no stone unturned, no gray area, he knew EXACTLY what it was hitting for this time around…

    Approxiamately 36 hrs later I have a function at my house. It was me and my young ass friends having an ol' skool kid and play house party. This was planned before me and him got back together and I had already told him about it during that extra fucking clear convo mind you.

    The next day(last night) I call him and tell him to come chill with me. The whole day we posted, cooking dinner, watching movies, cuddled up…all that. He leaves at like 2am. Around 4am this fool, texting me about how I'm taking him for granted because I didn't invite him to my party! This 41 yr old,divorced, father of 3 is bugging out and whining because he didnt get to come to my ghetto ass 21yrs and older party! The oldest person there was like 27. Talking bout he felt left out. WTF is this 9th grade in-crowd bullshit. My eyes popped out my head.

    He was harboring these feelings the whole damn day yesterday while he was bunned up with me just to let it explode at 4am. We commense to have the stupidest knock out drag out fight for about 2 hours on the phone about this clown feeling LEFT OUT. It ended with him slipping and calling me a bitch and me telling him to kick rocks and hanging up in his face. I then power my cell phone off.

    About 30 minutes ago I hear my name being yelled from outside my damn house. This fool standing outside yelling in the rain. Lord jesus I sure know how to pick him. I didnt even know he had the capacity to be this lame.

    Long story short (kinda late for that right!), he just left my house (like seriously, he just left, like right now, present time). He was apologizing blah blah, said he didnt mean it, it was the frustrations talking, told me I had been right from jump and that he was wrong boo hoo. Was trying to take me to Pann's for breakfast but I declined. I was physically drained ya'll. These the same dumb ass scenarios I have with the idiots my age. Is there no hope. Are all men insecure fucks, no matter what the age and demographic?

    SBM fam, I know ya'll got some comments, give em to me

  32. @akua: The blog is the precursor to the book (as all bloggers aspire to do)…. I'm literally using it to collect my thoughts. I'm just realizing that the shyt my ex did was NOT normal and that most human beings do not act like that and that I don't have to put up with that mess, and there IS something I can do about it.

    I need to join RA Anonymous, I think…..

  33. I doubt he really wanted to be there (unless he really is insecure). He probably wanted to know that you would have not minded him being there so he did not feel like you woudl be embarrassed to have him there. If he woudl embarrass you by being there, he needs to run along and so shoudl you – it’s not gonna work

  34. TBW-Wow…that’s a whole lot of things for a grown ass man to be tripping out on your because you’re hanging out with your friends. Sounds like he’s too insecure to me. Cut your losses and keep it moving.

  35. I love this post…so true

    @ anesidora: dayum sis u should write a book!

    @thebusinesswomen: ur old head is in fact too old to be acting like that but my 45 yr old friend acts the same way pouts and cusses cause I don’t want to take his old a** anywhere. I have a relationship amensia story some of u have heard it.

    the guy I was dating who is 45 we were starting to spend a lot of time together boo loving and what not. I hadn’t given up the goodies but we were still very close. dude up and dissapears for 3 days. I jokingly ask him was he smoking crack or something and this fools tells me yes he was. I get into this huge arguements call him all kinds of fat crackheads he calls me all kinds of [email protected] I tell him to suck a fat baby’s d+ck and hang himself and I leave his place never expecting to hear from him again.
    he calls the next day and says “whats up are we going to the barbershop or what?” I’m like omg wtf?? RA at its finest!!!!

  36. Jesus. Some of ya’ll been through it. I see signs of RA and I’m out. Don’t need to stick around to see how this train wreck is going to end.

    @ Anesidora – Sorry that you had to deal with a crazy ma! And after seeing what he did to get you “back”, I was going to ask if this had been an abusive situation…cause he seems extreme…

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