I was looking through the archives of my old website and came across something that was both relevant and humorous in the context of all our lives…unless you’re the person I’m describing. I don’t poke fun at those who fit the mold of what I describe below. I just ask that you do what you can to control it. Nonetheless, enjoy.
How does one cope with bad breath? I’m not talking about that morning breath, where you wake up next to somebody and you know that neither of you should face each other and speak until you’ve brushed your teeth (You can stay naked. Just brush ya teeth). I’m not even talking about that breath when you eat a lot of onions or garlic. I’m talking about that perpetually unpleasant bad breath that requires you to have mints at all times. The bad breath where whenever the person have a close conversation with someone, it appears the listener is not breathing anymore; or, they are looking everywhere else except at dragon. How does one live? How does one cope?
We’ve all encountered people with bad breath, just as we’ve all encountered people that smell awful. We have friends that have horrible breath. Chances are you’ve wondered if the person knows they have a problem and if they try to do anything about it. What happens to them when the listerine only lasts for 10 minutes? What type of life is that to live? Let’s look at some of the simple consequences of perpetual bad breath:
- Unusually low frequency of spooning sessions. Nobody wants to cuddle up with someone that has awful breath. Well, some people will deal with it if the person is sexy enough or has a strong enough beat game. But as for the rest of us, who wants a dragon breathing fire down his or her neck (depending on who is the big spoon and who is little spoon. Do you even like spoonin.) Do you even like cuddlin?
- Lower number of opposite sex phone numbers in phone or increased dormant numbers. If you meet someone out and you get caught with bad breath, you might as well have never met them. If they spare you the first time and you still have it the 2nd time around, it’s a wrap…at least in my mind.
- Low job interview to offer ratio. Let’s admit it. People discriminate. Bad breath isn’t even a protected class. You show up for an interview with hot breath, they’re goin to have a less favorable impression regardless.
- Unpleasant Nicknames. Most of the readers here went to college, or at least graduated from high school. We all had a dragon on campus/at school, or someone who immediately came to mind in the community when someone mentioned bad breath. Nobody wants to be known as the Human Blow Torch.
- Shorter than average face to face conversations. This one doesn’t really need an explanation. This goes with and without sayin’.
These are just a few of the effects of perpetual bad breath. I’m sure some of you can think of others. You can apply the same to someone who has a serious B.O. problem. Not just the musty pits after workin out. I’m talkin about that perpetual stankness. How do you break the news to ’em either way? How does one cope if their significant other has the problem (Assuming it’s on the “I can deal” list)? Thoughts? Scenarios? Victims?
Minty Fresh by Choice,