I have been going to church for a long time … a long long time.
I was baptized as a baby … then I became that baby in the back crying and messing up the sermon … then I became the energetic toddler getting into trouble in Sunday school … all the way to now where I’m that debonair grown man sitting in the same clothes he wore to the club the night before and sunglasses to hide the hungover look in his eyes wearing his Sunday’s Best.
I will admit now and early … I don’t make it every single Sunday and I haven’t been to bible study in a long long long … long time … but I do a pretty good job of shaking off the patron and going to service.
My home church is a small church in DC where my Grandmother still attends to this day. But that’s not where I go on a regular basis.
During college I went to the church that picked me up … fed me … and took my no-car having a$$ back to school.
But I am here to tell you about my current church. A church that I love dearly and give to without reservation. A service that I reliably look forward to going to … a service that I have gotten my brother to fallen in love with … a church that appeals to me and what I need from in a church …
Lemme tell you why I love my church.
1. Four services a day … just in case you missed one.
2. An atmosphere that caters to young adults (e.g. wear whatever).
3. Potent 1.5 hour sermons … no 8 hour stints like when I was a kid.
4. The single best collection of beautiful and gorgeous young women who are always dressed to impress
Oh yes … the best!
So not only can I get my spirit refreshed … but I gain access to a smorgasbord of DC and Maryland’s Finest.
So lets look into #4 … just a little more.
I don’t know what my church did … I don’t know if they started a campaign to get attractive members … I don’t know if there was a model call for the choir … but their doing something right. Also … since you can where whatever you want to this service … whew. Even I … a heathen in the making liberal individual double takes and wonder what club they crawled out of what were they thinking.
This abundance of females has made me concoct some of the dirtiest fantasies in the house of the Lord think about going to church to find me Mrs. SBM
Man … just thinking about the goddess that I will someday make mine forever gets me a lil emotional. I think its the stupid winter. I miss old SBM … I need to go make it rain … drink some patron … and bring him back!
Reasons to get a girl from your church:
1. She’s at church … so at least ya’ll the same religion.
2. That’s one free date a week that you can definitely count as quality time.
3. You will always know if she did something to ya … because the FBI has got nothing on the traditional black church. The pastor will be calling you 3 minutes after she went out to ice cream with some new guy.
4. You can both go and repent for the things that you did last night together … and go ahead and throw in some of the things your gonna do later that night … “God … forgive me for this whip cream that I am about to consume and judge me not!”
5. No argument about what church your getting married in … if that day comes.
But … its not all good … there is a bad side
1. The same nosy people reporting to you will know every problem or argument between you two. You better not try to step out on her either … she has a whole army watching your every move. And don’t come to church without her one Sunday … whew boy
2. If one of you is walking a straighter path than the other … expect to get tripped up.
3. Every sermon about the evils of fornication will remind you of your girlfriends ass in the air with honey all over it the lovely lady at your side and the thing she does with her tongue.
4. Since you’ll probably break up at some point … what happens after? Do you leave … she leave … or do you just start bringing the new Jump Off significant other to the same service and start flirting blatantly?
As I continue to ponder if I want to unleash the full SBM experience on the sexy and seductive congregation that is my church … what do you think?
Would you date someone from your church? Have you dated someone from your church? If you break up … who gets to stay?