Church is soooooo Good

47

I have been going to church for a long time … a long long time.

I was baptized as a baby … then I became that baby in the back crying and messing up the sermon … then I became the energetic toddler getting into trouble in Sunday school … all the way to now where I’m that debonair grown man sitting in the same clothes he wore to the club the night before and sunglasses to hide the hungover look in his eyes wearing his Sunday’s Best.

I will admit now and early … I don’t make it every single Sunday and I haven’t been to bible study in a long long long … long time … but I do a pretty good job of shaking off the patron and going to service.

My home church is a small church in DC where my Grandmother still attends to this day.  But that’s not where I go on a regular basis.

During college I went to the church that picked me up … fed me … and took my no-car having a$$ back to school.

But I am here to tell you about my current church.  A church that I love dearly and give to without reservation.  A service that I reliably look forward to going to … a service that I have gotten my brother to fallen in love with … a church that appeals to me and what I need from in a church …

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Lemme tell you why I love my church.

1. Four services a day … just in case you missed one.

2. An atmosphere that caters to young adults (e.g. wear whatever).

3. Potent 1.5 hour sermons … no 8 hour stints like when I was a kid.

4. The single best collection of beautiful and gorgeous young women who are always dressed to impress

Oh yes … the best!

So not only can I get my spirit refreshed … but I gain access to a smorgasbord of DC and Maryland’s Finest.

So lets look into #4 … just a little more.

I don’t know what my church did … I don’t know if they started a campaign to get attractive members … I don’t know if there was a model call for the choir … but their doing something right.  Also … since you can where whatever you want to this service … whew.  Even I … a heathen in the making liberal individual double takes and wonder what club they crawled out of what were they thinking.

This abundance of females has made me concoct some of the dirtiest fantasies in the house of the Lord think about going to church to find me Mrs. SBM

*sidenote*
Man … just thinking about the goddess that I will someday make mine forever gets me a lil emotional.  I think its the stupid winter.  I miss old SBM … I need to go make it rain … drink some patron … and bring him back!
*sidenote done*

Reasons to get a girl from your church:

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1. She’s at church … so at least ya’ll the same religion.

2. That’s one free date a week that you can definitely count as quality time.

3. You will always know if she did something to ya … because the FBI has got nothing on the traditional black church.  The pastor will be calling you 3 minutes after she went out to ice cream with some new guy.

4. You can both go and repent for the things that you did last night together … and go ahead and throw in some of the things your gonna do later that night … “God … forgive me for this whip cream that I am about to consume and judge me not!”

5. No argument about what church your getting married in … if that day comes.

But … its not all good … there is a bad side

1. The same nosy people reporting to you will know every problem or argument between you two.  You better not try to step out on her either … she has a whole army watching your every move.  And don’t come to church without her one Sunday … whew boy

2. If one of you is walking a straighter path than the other … expect to get tripped up.

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3. Every sermon about the evils of fornication will remind you of your girlfriends ass in the air with honey all over it the lovely lady at your side and the thing she does with her tongue.

4. Since you’ll probably break up at some point … what happens after?  Do you leave … she leave … or do you just start bringing the new Jump Off significant other to the same service and start flirting blatantly?

As I continue to ponder if I want to unleash the full SBM experience on the sexy and seductive congregation that is my church … what do you think?

Would you date someone from your church?  Have you dated someone from your church? If you break up … who gets to stay?

Comment(47)

  1. I have a friend who is SDA (Seventh Day Adventist) and since he HAS to marry a SDA girl, church is where he finds his potentials. Meanwhile.. his ex-wife still goes to the same church as well as countless other women he has dated since his divorce/annullment. Drama.

    I don't go to church. I haven't found one I like enough to keep going back. Maybe I should just judge a church on the availability of single and handsome men and forget about the rest 😉

  2. I used to date all up in the church… but I had to stop for a lot of the reasons you stated before. It's pretty bad when you have the usher board skimping on your communion juice because you and your lady had a minor skirmish.

  3. Ha, your church sounds like mine. Caters to young adults, the dress code is "Come as you are" and all the men who find out I go there always say, "Oh you go to that church where all the fine females are, huh?" lol

    Most of the men at my church are gay or married, so I lost my desire to find a man within the church a long time ago. The 2 or 3 decent single men within the thousands of congregants are hot commodities, so they are definitely in the friend zone. But it would be nice to go to church with my man. I'd probably be nervous and hoping my guy doesn't do anything crazy like get the super holy ghost and pop me upside the head on accident lol

  4. I joined a new church back in March and it is EXACTLY like you described and I love it. It's not coincidence that is also one of the most successful churches in my city and the pastor is well known.

    I don't go to church to look for men because I have discovered those men can be more doggish than men outside their church (they are getting panties thrown at them at far faster rates.) But I won't like, the fact that there are handsome men, gives me the option of looking at them. 😉

    At my old church, I dated a guy that was there. THANKFULLY he hardly came, which decreased the awkwardness after the break up.

  5. @Suga- I definitely feel and agree with you on your 2nd statement. My church is exactly identical to yours. There are alot of gays and married men just bombarding the pews. So for that one single man that's there it's like the game "Life". Let's see who can scoop him and marry him off and make 2 or 3 babies.

    @Nicki- I agree with you as well. I find that most of the married men in my church are heathens. They make smug ass comments and flirt 100% of the time even if you're friends with their wives.

    @Mr. Smart Guy-Dannnng, skimping on your Communion juice, your cup is definitely not runneth over, that's a bit much even for the noisy usher board.

  6. #1 I wouldn't date anyone from my church because in some form or fashion we're related–whether it be firs cousin or fifth cousin second remove–I'm in LA not Arkansas (sorry Arkansasians).

    When I lived in TX, I started going to this mega church that it seems everybody who first gets there attend. Why did I run into two exes from college there…talk about small world.

    Even if not related I don't think I would date a guy from my church for some of the reasons you stated. I don't like folks up in my business and you know some of us church folks can be nosy.

  7. "I don’t go to church to look for men because I have discovered those men can be more doggish than men outside their church."

    Exactly…girl I dated this preacher last year and that man needed the pope to throw some holy water on him because he had more hands than several octupus. I had to stop seeing him because he was trying to corrupt me.

  8. My church is full of old people. It's rare you see anyone young around there. It's weird though, because, they remember when I was born yet always think I'm like 30. Beyond that, I'm the only person over the age of 21 (minus the preacher whose young) that doesn't have any kids.

    If I tried to find a man there…I might go ahead and die. Now beyond church in Alabama the one in NoLa is alright but I haven't spotted any potentials. Hmmmm…I need a new church.

  9. You don't sh*t where you eat, and phrater you know you will do someone dirty up in there. I understand you want to look at the nice church girls but they can be an evil temptress. Don't get it twisted, the pastor's daughter is up to no good and it'll be you looking for a new church in the end.

    My two best friends in life father's are pastors and even though they are married now they were a problem when we were young. Smoking, drinking, fornicating all willy nilly and still be the protical son on Sunday. *shake my head*

  10. @ Creative1k : "Nicki- I agree with you as well. I find that most of the married men in my church are heathens. They make smug ass comments and flirt 100% of the time even if you’re friends with their wives.

    U are so right with the flirting tip.

    "girl I dated this preacher last year and that man needed the pope to throw some holy water on him because he had more hands than several octupus."

    LMAO. Sheila, this is hilarious.

    I don't think I could date a pastor.. I'd be too scared that I'd have to act a certain way.. did you feel the need to change or anything?

  11. I'm just glad God ended up in your post ONCE. Yeah I counted and then I did a search find..I can't help but not to notice attractive single men at my place of worship. But like someone wrote above. Im not there for that. I do make it a point to look my best and be dressed to impress but its for an audience of one. Not no ninja.

    I think love is where it finds you. But i don't intentionally go to church to get a dude.

  12. Good you all keep the faith…
    I'm an agnostic but can respect whomever's decision to go. I started out an AME kid (part time). Once I got older and the more complex questions came…I went my own ways.

    Now as far as church girls…they are fine as long as they are not annoying fine. I've dated girls who had no problems with my religion preference or lack thereof. The worst were the ones who knew what they were getting into yet tried pushing their beliefs on me. I'm one of the only dudes though that doesn't find it a gold mine by going to church to find a woman. If it's a wedding…maybe…nothing says get a man like a single woman at a wedding (if she's not acting snotty or over-emotional).

  13. "The worst were the ones who knew what they were getting into yet tried pushing their beliefs on me"

    @CPT: I can understand this… my old friend was a J Dub (Jehovah' Witness ) and would debate with me… it got on my nerves.. so I can understand what you are saying.

  14. @ RunningMom

    Could your friend be part of anything stricter?lol. Can he wear jewelry or is that a no-no? I couldn't live the life he lives. Note: Slim respects all religions except Scientology.

    I haven't been to church in a very very long time…but I remember seeing some thangs when I did go. Very good thangs. I don't know if I could date a woman from my Church. I don't need to become the model of the young articulate black guy in a relationship with a god-fearing woman who when they don't see us together on Sunday question marks appear above everybody's heads.

    I have so many opinions about "church".lol. This is one of my hot buttons.

  15. If ya church was anything like mine, all the young ppl sit in one section. in the back right near the door. if ya break up one of ya gotta move from that section, plain and simple

  16. my life long church has a straight man shortage… I even suspect the pastor (countless proven stories, shame). I've been attending a nondenomination church that is mixed, some of everybody is there. Me and my guy friend go there but we only attend service together if we woke up together, but we didn't meet there. I had just started attending, somewhat of a coincidence. A lot of fine men, but that's not my intention.

    I learned a long time ago from attending my old church not to date the congregants or the clergy, your business spreads too fast and you get labeled. You really shouldn't go searching for love anywhere, let it find you… so hard to do.

  17. I haven't been to church since I was yay high. I always check the "spiritual" box on social profiles, surveys, and government spy records applications.

    But, thinking about it, maybe I need to revisit church. Just to check out the display of church men. Then again, since I'm very liberal (it's true, you can be liberal and still believe in God! Who-da thunk? Ok, shut up, now…), I'll shy away from the over-religious, holier-than-thou cat.

    Also, I wouldn't be able to tolerate the "social" (read: gossip) nature of church, in general.

  18. I grew up Baptist…but no longer attend church (still believe in MY Lord)…although I do have this image from my college days when the preacher was preaching, and he said I quote…"Ladies, when a guy tells you they love you, those hip sockets start to rotatin' and them legs start to spreadin…" end quote, ( I was still a VIRGIN at the tender age of 18 at the time… that sermon, pretty much ended my church career…

    so I meet my guys at the club, they'll be in church repenting the next day…lol

  19. First, far fewer men attend church than women. Second, (like suga said) the few men who do attend are either married or gay. Third, if they're not married or gay, they got some otha kind of drama that they're hoping they can pray away—which is prolly the reason they're coming to church in the first place.

    I'd think it a beautiful thing to be able to fellowship with your partner. Do I want to meet him at church, though? Nah…not really. Plus, when I go to church, I'm seeking something else. I try and remove myself from the worldy things and receive all that God has for me at that very moment. If I don't, I may miss a blessing.

  20. Very, very interesting post SBM.

    I am a church goer…I go every week without fail and I love the church I go to. I recently moved to Austin and so I'm new to the church I go to. It's multi-generational but has a large population of young professionals. And it's a predominantly black church…this is knew for me…as I haven't been apart of a black church since I was like 10.

    I wouldn't mind meeting a QUALITY guy in church…I'd prefer it actually. I have dated a few church guys in the past and with the exception of one, we're still close friends. So it doesn't always end badly when you date the right way.

    Before coming to the church I go to now, I'd given up all hope in meeting someone in church but now that I'm at a black church…there are many a fine men up in there and it's oh-so-tempting.

    I do think it's unwise to go to church LOOKING for a man with the mindset of "He must be great because he's in church." SOOO not true…DO NOT ASSUME HE'S GREAT just because you found him in church. Sometimes the devil himself is sitting up in the pew next to you…heehee…anyway…

  21. @Nicki Sunshine

    "I can understand this… my old friend was a J Dub (Jehovah’ Witness ) and would debate with me… it got on my nerves.. so I can understand what you are saying."

    It happens at least once a year. Trust me, I can hold my own when someone (particularly Christian) tries to "debate" me. Strange because all of my Muslim friends never ever do that.

    It is very hard to date as a non-theist. With the majority of women being Christian, finding someone else with the same viewpoints and a degree of compatibility is hard.

  22. Very interesting post. I am a regular church goer and I would by no means date anyone up in my church. My roommate is dealing with a breakup in church and has for almost a year now. Her and her dude were engaged and were the premier young adult couple. They both are still dodging questions about the failed engagement and thrown in situations together. Our Pastor told the guy not to "mess up his church", as in every female up in here is off limits. I found it amusing as did he cause I tell him that all the time. I'm waiting for the day that either of them brings a new boo into the church house cause sparks are gonna fly and feelings are going to be hurt. The little kids are going to be the most confused cause they still can't wrap their lil heads around the fact that they aren't a package deal.

    SBM–I must ask where you attend since you say they cater to the young adult (hit me offline if necessary). Our young adult ministry is growing but its full of women and I always get drafted to do something. I'd love to have a back up spot for when I don't want to drive all the way out to VA or have to lead anything.

  23. Dating someone in church is kind of like dating someone you work with, in the grand scheme, you just shouldn't. Why, because it gets messy. You can't be up in church perpetrating being all saved and sanctified, if you all just had a quickie before you got there. If you break up, now you have someone up in church knowing just how much of a freak you are, lol. I also think a lot of men go to church scoping out women. What probably happens is, both are on their best behavior until they really find out that the other person is either, not as 'holy ghost filled' or 'fire baptized' as they thought, and then the freak comes out, or, you find out the person really is that 'on fire for the Lord' and you aren't, and so you slowly back away.

    While this might not be true for everyone, and trust me there are some fine men in church, but generally speaking, I think you should meet someone else where and then bring them to your church. I definitely agree, you don’t sh*t where you eat.

  24. this is funny

    I see this guy who hits on me every time he sees me…he goes to the church I attend regularly (although I haven't been in a month..i know..bad girl)

    He is there with his "girl"…lol…I pointed that out to him and he said "its not that serious"

    give me a break….taking a woman to church with u sounds pretty serious to me

    I definitley think that its the same as dating someone at work (if the broad belongs to the church u met her)…

    its better to date someone and invite them to the church u attend than to date someone from the church u attend..

    she may assume you want a relationship cause u met in church…and she may have to say you are in one to save face with the church..she may want u to be celibate forever (true story with someone I know..the whole church thing appealed at first till she started writing him letters about abstenence)

    You gotta make sure you guys are on the same page..and I think its RUDE to casually date a girl you know from ur own church

  25. Just to make sure … Its agreed that I'm not a heathen for having part of my motivation for church being the ridiculously fine women that go there too. I mean … I don't hit on them … the proximity is good enough … for now.

    I forgot to mention that they actually have a Single's Bible Study/Service once a month. I think they figured out they got some bangers in the church too.

  26. cpt…

    im agnostic as well..I attend church sporadically ..not because i'm a devout christian ..but because i like to hear the message

    wow…most people are christian..and I have the same problem as you meeting someone who understands my "relgious non-preferences" if you will

    lol

  27. "I can hold my own when someone (particularly Christian) tries to “debate” me. Strange because all of my Muslim friends never ever do that. "

    @CPT: I won't debate it.. although I can't say that I would date someone who wasn't a Christian… We'd be great buddies, but you're doing your thang and I'm doing mine. I refuse to treat you like you have the plague (that is NOT christian) Trying to convert folks is annoying.

    @DC: Sometimes those preachers have ways of saying things. In my old church a preacher used the word nigga… I was shocked… like someone caught me with a left hook.

  28. "I forgot to mention that they actually have a Single’s Bible Study/Service once a month. I think they figured out they got some bangers in the church too."

    We have single's sunday school and events too.. I've never been though for fear of the meat market. LOL

  29. Ditto @ Suga and Nikki. My church is just like that and I have never dated a guy from that church.

    @ Nikki – I did date a minister recently and, while I didn't feel like I needed to act differently, in my head I was very judgmental towards him. Like if he said or did something I didn't think was minister-like I made a mental note.

  30. @True
    I meet maybe one woman a year who is aligned with me on that. There are a few but you have to bump into them by accident.

    @Nikki
    Eh, just another eliminating factor in the dating world. Just the way it is I guess….

  31. @ SBM: Amen!

    So the consensus seems to be: "Don't look for love in church".

    I guess it's ok to find love in da club, while grocery shopping, at work, and through friends. What's so wrong about finding someone where good people go to get better?

    Something defies logic here folks…

  32. Everyone has sins to confess, so that is not the problem. The problem is when you break up. And especially if it's a nasty break-up. I think if your dating someone from the church it should definitely be someone that you plan on being committed to. You don't want anything to interfere with the message that your there to recieve.

  33. @SBM, no you are not a heathen, but if you are peeking at shorty in the row across from you when you should be praying, that could be a problem, hahaha, you might find your soulmate there.

    I personally think the singles ministry at church is corny, but that's just me, and it seems, as everywhere, the ratio of men to women, is all screwed up. It's a buffet of booty for men, but slim pickings for women :(. I don't even want to start talking about the amount of (dare I say) gay men in church, that's a whole other topic. At least you all have eye candy.

  34. @Britt: "@ Nikki – I did date a minister recently and, while I didn’t feel like I needed to act differently, in my head I was very judgmental towards him. Like if he said or did something I didn’t think was minister-like I made a mental note."

    I'm thinking I'd be doing the EXACT same thing. Along with trying to cover up my god awful mouth (the things that I say sometimes are far from heavenly!)

    @CPT: "Nikki

    Eh, just another eliminating factor in the dating world. Just the way it is I guess…."

    Right… not every Christian is like that though… it's just a preference of mine, kinda like my love for chocolate men. 😉

  35. "What’s so wrong about finding someone where good people go to get better?"

    @The player….. (man ur name is long!) Because the ratio is 25 women for one man…. and that man is prolly trying to sample them all. LOL.

  36. umm… u do know this is THE most ignorant nonsense i've read all day?

    this is the reason y i'm a faithful member at bedside baptist… the sermon there never disappoints.

  37. @ Nicki:

    To be honest, I was thinking that I shouldn't try to meet women at church. However, methinks that dudes are more likely trying to "just beat" at a club with a 5 to 1 ratio, liquor, and bumping and grinding rather than at church with the 25 to 1 ratio and the holy ghost hand clap + a hallelujah two step.

    @ ladebella:

    Funny, I also attend Bedside Baptist…the Honorable Rev. Dr. Antidater presides. I got the best (and most comfortable) seat in the house.

  38. Since I am a Seventh Day Adventist it would be great if I could date/marry someone from the church. I have never dated anyone from my church because usually you all grow up together unless you move to another state. Then you have a different crop to choose from. I think whether dating someone in the church or out you might face the same challenges. Often times in the men in the S.D.A church find women outside of the church and bring them in.

    I prefer to date/marry someone who is working on their personal relationship with God. We don't have to go to the same church or be of the same religion.

    If I did date someone from my church and we broke up. YES I would still attend my church and bring the new dude. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

  39. @Ms. Devereaux

    I agree with your comment.

    I think if we're both mature adults, breaking up and still seeing each other may be difficult and even a little awkward at first but it's not going to keep me from my church…or dating other guys either.

  40. @ThePlayer…. with a 5 to 1 ratio, liquor, and bumping and grinding rather than at church with the 25 to 1 ratio and the holy ghost hand clap + a hallelujah two step."

    That would be in a perfect scenario…. I would love to meet a good God fearing man in church thats trying to improve his relationship with the LAWD but, in my experience, the guys are there to peep out the women and try to "holla." I've seem them do it and fallen victim. LOL

  41. @ Nicki…Again, I find it odd that we can safely assume that someone in the House of the Lord most likely will do wrong while someone in the House of Liquor, Music, and Pleasure even *might be better?

    Is this the problem with dating in the black community? Is it because we are trying to find Louis Vuitton and Prada in Walmart?

  42. Dam! I'm mad i'm just getting to see this. Being a a part time PK dating someone from church definitely happened. When visiting my father i went to church for something dam near everyday (revival, sister to sister meetings, praise dance, choir rehersal, deacon meeting etc…). It was good bc there was access to the person and I didn't have to worry about the guy meeting my dad he already knew the guys in the church and what they were about.But it sucks for all the reasons you guys listed and as the pastor's daughter if a guy wanted to be a grade A shit head all he has to do is tell the right folks (the church gossipers) what we did. And it would no doubt go around the church "passah's daughter and so n so did xyz". I didn't have to worry about who was leaving if things didn't go well… my father's the pastor I ain't going no where

    Church is definitely a place to meet guys and girls. My childhood church in nyc is wack now in that department. I think I need to find a new church with delicious chocolate brothers…I mean with good Christian men 😉

    The devil is always busy ain't he? lol

  43. Damn. Here's yall's handbaskets cause you gone need it for your trip to hell! Just kidding!

    But for real, I do have a problem with the mega churches and all the singles ministries. Single bible study, single mingle, single alter prayer…it's too much. Go to church for God, not a date. Trust in Him and the rest will fall into place.

    I also don't go to the mega churches cause they making a KILLING off you knee grows going to church every Sunday looking for a date and paying your tithes! To me that's money that can be well spent somewhere else…not on buying the pastor's kid a Mercedes.

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