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Craptacular Gifts


As Christmas draws closer and my bank account continues to dwindle, I’ve realized that I still have some shopping to do. I’m one of those people that every year waits until the last minute to get gifts for others (except wifeykins if I have one at the time). I take care of myself first on Black Friday and throughout the holiday season while all the sales are going on, then I address the gifts of family, friends, etc….unless I should happen to see sumthin on the spot that would be a great gift for one of the people I need to buy for. Sounds awful doesn’t it? I’m pretty much an only child. Sometimes it’s really gotta be about me me me. I’m a nice guy though, especially in the context of a relationship with a chick. Seriously. Don’t believe me? Let’s date for a few weeks (women only).

Only Child Syndrome aside, it seems that regardless of how well I know people that I’m one of the worst at selecting gifts.  I’d always rather someone just tell me what they want than go through the frustration joy of perusing online stores and malls in a quest for that perfect present. I love seeing the smile on someone’s face as a result of my efforts both in and outside of the bedroom. I also hear a lot of people say that it’s the thought that counts when you get someone a gift. Price tag aside, I don’t ever wanna be the person who gets somebody that awful gift that they’ll never use or wear. I don’t wanna spend hours shopping only to have my gift be returned or used in some holiday gift swap exchange at their office.

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Yeah, this may seem lazy but I’m sure most of the folks who read this blog have gotten at least 1 crappy gift from a significant other or someone else they care about. You smile and say thanks. Then you present them with an excellent gift that makes them feel simultaneously wonderful and inadequate because of what they got for you. But it’s the thought that counts ! Yeah effin right. C’mon now. Just as you remember great gifts, you’ll remember the shitty ones too.

So with that being said, what are some of the crappiest gifts you’ve received and has anybody been bold enough to call the person out on the gift? Has anybody given a crappy gift to a significant other and didn’t care? I’d suggest people make sure their current boo’s don’t visit this site. I’m not responsible or liable for any feelings gettin hurt before the New Year.

Happy Holidays & Sh*t,


  1. Good morning peace and blessings to my blog fam…

    the worst gift I have ever received was not actually a bad gift its the connotations that came with it.

    My sons father got me a gym membership. and simply stated, if u loose weight, ill marry you..

    needless to say I told him to kiss my aZ* because he had always been fat and I loved him just the way he was…

  2. My cousin always gives me crappy gifts…. I've never called her on it bc she doesn't exactly have the best taste when shopping for herself anyway.

    She once gave me this GOLD LAME' looking purse that looked like it could have been a free gift from Avon.

  3. @nicki: girl guys are so retarded!

    I could see if he would have been like let's get healthy together but dumb as* him put it all on me!

    ok so anyway I have 300 in gifts to still purchase…great right? lol

    so much for getting myself a new bag for my bday..lol

  4. "My sons father got me a gym membership. and simply stated, if u loose weight, ill marry you.."

    By far the most awful thing I've heard someone say with a gift. That's not incentive to lose weight, that's incentive to get boiling water thrown on you in your sleep…

  5. Oh, I've had my share of crapola gifts:

    *My aunt got me a tea set (meant for 3-4 year olds) when I was like 13.

    *One of my mom's friends got me a zebra-skinned picture frame and journal. Really?

    *One of my ex's bought me one of those Harlem Globetrotter dresses—even though I was over the age 15. Come on, now. Let's get it together.

    *My dad once thought it fitting to take me on a shopping spree at Value City, the equivalent to an upgraded K-Mart, for Christmas. I went outside and sat in the car.

    I'm gonna stop rehashing, cuz I'm starting to get mad again.lol

  6. "@nicki: girl guys are so retarded!
    I could see if he would have been like let’s get healthy together but dumb as* him put it all on me!"

    @Akua: Same thing with this guy… he thought he was soo hot. Since me and him were friends too, I had a talk with him and basically let him HAVE IT. How is that supposed to make a girl feel???

    I'd much rather someone get me NOTHING than something crappy,.

  7. Yeah…I always get crappy gifts, but what's worse is when someone gives me a Christmas gift & says it's my birthday gift too, (i.e. Mom's….. "This is your birthday and Christmas gift, don't aske me for anything on your birthday)….

    My DAYUM Birthday is January 6!!!!!!

  8. For our last Christmas together, my ex husband got me a snot yellow Playboy bunny curved barbell navel ring. I'd lost my favorite one which was a dangling navel ring with 3 Playboy bunny heads with swarovski crystal eyes, and he brought me that ugly monstrosity as a "replacement". Actually what was worse was that the navel rings were buy one, get one half off, so he got me a Raiders navel ring to go along with it. I'm nowhere near a Raiders fan. I later went and found a replacement Playboy bunny ring identical to the one I'd lost. Folk may say "Oh, well he tried"….. uh, no he didn't. That was half-assedness under the guise of trying.

    And to round out the parade of horrible gifts, he got me a baby-t made that said "K is for Contracts" (nerdy lawyer humor) but it was like 2 sizes too small. Like after all these years he didn't know how big my ta-tas are….the shirt basically ended up saying "please stare at my wife's breasts."

  9. I honestly can't think of a bad Christmas gift I got really (I know … hate me) … but I do remember a bad Valentines Day Gift.

    I don't like chocolate (I know … crazy) … well … solid chocolate bars and stuff. My ex got me a bag of solid chocolate hearts and a rose plant. WTF do I look like with a rose plant in my dorm room (this was back in college)?

  10. I think both my sister and I have Only Child Syndrome. Because we were pretty much each an only child given that we're 14 years apart. She had her childhood without me and I had my childhood when she considered herself "not a child" anymore. Needless to say, we're both pretty spoiled.

    I guess I haven't had a gift crappy enough to remember to put on here…

  11. Don't get me started on crappy gifts. I got one Saturday and if they are reading this–they should be ashamed of themselves. How are you going to get someone an alarm clock (with no frills) when everybody else are bringing gifts like bath and body products…stuff that people like. I was so mad that the number I pulled had nothing but an alarm clock in it…and then the person was ashamed because they didn't put their name on the bag…so I asked who brought it. Of course I did the Christian thing and didn't tell them how crappy it was…but I wanted to see who brought it. Everybody else pulled numbers and got nice gifts. This person didn't put no thought behind their gift. Even if it was one of those alarm clocks with a moving picture or maybe a garfield alarm clock or something, I could get over it…but just plain…nothing…something that I know they didn't spend no money on (and it's the thought that counts yes…but she didn't put no thought behind it). I would rather a scarf or hat because it's cold outside than an alarm clock that is just plain…okay…I'm through venting. I hope we pull names next year and if I get that person's name, I'm going re-gift and give them back their doggone alarm clock.

    Anyway, hope you all have a merry Christmas…here's a greeting from me to you:

  12. @dc dating: girl I get that all the time because my birtday is christmas eve. honey I tells them thank u give them their gift and say in june when its ur bday u take this back out and look at it cause its all ur getting!!! lol

  13. @ Akua,

    You know, if a chick's bday was on Xmas eve, I'm not sure that I'd get her 2 gifts. I might take her out for a bday dinner and get her an Xmas gift. That seems a bit more reasonable to me even though some may/may not consider dinner a gift.

  14. One of my exes gave me a laptop component for Christmas. I was so mad but the worst part was when I stifled my disappointment and calmly said "babe, it's okay, let's go back to Best Buy and return it, get your money and buy me something else" he couldn't. Why you ask? Because homeboy cut the UPC symbol from the box and mailed it in with his receipt to get the rebate for it. Unbelievable!! Clueless, thoughtless, and cheap! Needless to say I ended that quickly thereafter. Thank goodness, DH is a great gift giver.

    lol @ the rose plant, SBM!!

  15. I'm an only child too… spoiled rotten and I love it!!! I mostly get money or people ask what I want. Don't think I've gotten a really bad gift. I only shop for particular people… if we haven't spoke in weeks, months, years, don't expect ish. For those special people I try to remember something they've said they liked or would like out of the context of Christmas, so they're usually surprised that I remembered and they love it! It's really the thought that counts, makes a difference.

  16. I assume gifts from grandmothers don't count. My grandmother will reliably buy the ugliest sweater on the clearance rack.

    Akua: "My sons father got me a gym membership. and simply stated, if u loose weight, ill marry you.."

    I am speechless. I am without speech.

    DCDD: "My DAYUM Birthday is January 6!!!!!!"

    I was born into the ideal situation. Birthday in June, Christmas in December.

  17. @Akua – Yeah, I'm gonna have to implement that rule…it's not fair my brother got to celebrate his b-day (November) but everybody is broke in January

    @Hugh Jazz Thanks for rubbing it in… I'm gonna start celebrating mine in January and June…now there…

  18. The worst gift I ever got was from my first serious boyfriend wayyy back sophomore year of HS. He bought me a stuffed animal of 102 dalmations that had a picture frame in it with a picture of us and he also got me a journal. Now, this would've been cute had I been into dalmations, or the movie. I was not into either…so it was just tacky. Really tacky. And with the journal, I was never one that wrote in journals so again this was sort of an odd gift. I did ask him why he got it, and he claimed he thought I liked Dalmations. So yeah, I normally am not picky with gifts and do think the thought is what counts, but this sort of proved to me he didn't pay attention to what I like. I mean we had been dating over a year at this point so he should've known a little better.

  19. Happy Holidays SBM!!! I'm an only also!! Pretty spoiled I guess.
    Generally I get great gifts from men because I tell them exactly what I'd like. While married I just bought what I wanted. Even single I just bought what I wanted for myself. I've never really been surprised. That's what I want! Someone to actually SURPRISE me with something so totally creative and spectacular..that would be awesome!
    My worst gift was a george foreman grill..da hell??

  20. My mom got me a really sad gift once…it was an oversized T-shirt that had the name of the town I was from on it and some socks…she got my brother the same thing. I think we tried to fight back the laughter, but her feelings were already hurt…thinking back, I know was salty then, but I now realize that times were rough. But still, just get me a really meaningful card or something. lol. Love you Mom!!

  21. One year my ex of 7 years got me…wait for it…socks.

    One pair.

    Then had the nerve to think he had really done something because they were Polo socks…

  22. @slim: dinner is at least an attempt to seperate the two holidays. ill accept dinner and some sex so good I wake up with a hangover!! (that would be a great gift considering its been almost a year!! lol)

    @ knappi: polo socks? wow socks are socks no matter the brand, cheap thoughtless ninjas..lol

    for my "friend" this year I purchased

    Givency Cologne(spell check?)

    a bunch of eagles crap

    cuff links

    as of yet I don't think he got me anything. maybe because we aren't sleeping together. should I be mad?

  23. @Akua "as of yet I don’t think he got me anything. maybe because we aren’t sleeping together. should I be mad?"

    That's a whole different blog posts in itself.

    @Knappi I just don't see why he thought that was acceptable at all.

  24. @ Akua and SJ – At the time I think that he wasn't trying to spend too much money because we hadn't been going together long…but who in the hell gives a woman some socks?

    They were MEN polo socks at that.

    He thought I was going to not like them and give them back so he'd have a new pair. Shhhiiiiittt. I rocked them bad boys to sleep errynight.

  25. I guess I'm late and all but my oh my Princess B. that one had me ROFL, LOL LOL.

    My worst Christmas gift was a cheap purple ring that looked like it came from Claire's. I threw it out but her and I are still pretty close friends.

  26. @GeeGee: Man … where you been for the last past year or whatever. I was about to start thinking you aint like me anymore … I had to have Slim comfort me … no homo.

    And whats wrong with a George Foreman Grill?

  27. Once again to disrupt the order of things but to quote my man Rob Banks… "I dont dive anything..and I expect nothing". Yea with no kids, or girl, pops never was in the picture-mom gone so there is no one to buy anything for and I LOVE IT…I can fund my business, buy things for me on sale becuase its a holiday season, not have to worry about something I didnt care about 11 months and 40 some odd days ago. One good thing about being an displace child in a family is you dont have to shit for lousy people.

  28. The person whom I met while I was in the military would give me low quality cheap gifts I mean things that I WOULD NEVER purchase for myself let alone for someone else. He would buy his mom decent quality gifts but for me cheap dime store junk and believe you me I can truly tell the difference like night and day. This person is very frugal. He is so cheap that we went somewhere to get sometime to drink. He purchased himself a coffee and me a soda. Why is it we get into the car he wanted to take a sip of my soda? Boy that was tacky and rude on his part because he had the opportunity to purchase him self a soda but did not do so. What an idiot he is. I cut him off like back in 1995 and have not seen or spoken to him since.

    Another case I know another guy that never purchase or bought anything for me of value. He baked cakes for me on occasion as if I really need sometime like that. I graduated from college and he knew this and did not give me a gift but give a rotten [email protected]@ worthless card. I was [email protected]@@@ off for real because I thought it to be insulting. I sent that card right back to his address because it not worth my time. I have received gifts and monies from other people when I graduated college but not this moron he gives me a worthless card. I told him off and cut him off and have not spoken to him since 1998 and even blocked his telephone number.

    I had another person whom I interned with at a medical facility and she told me if I send her a graduation announcement, she would send me a gift. I sent the announcement only to expect a gift from her because she was no friend just someone who has diarrhea of the mouth she never gave me anything. The only thing that this woman had to offer me was her 1-cent advice on my demeanor as if I am going to change for her or anyone for that matter. Please give me a break. I cut her off over a decade ago.

    I mean really if you are going to give me a cheap worthless gift or a cheap worthless card do not gave me anything at all because I will not appreciate it and these people are not financially strapped for monies but they just do not want to spend the money on me.

    All I have to say is that I have expensive taste and at times, I can be very extravagant on myself. I feel like I am worth it because there is nobody on this planet that would spend the type of money on me like I would on me and if they do spend that type of money on me then chances are that they want something in return or it some strings attached somewhere especially from someone of the male persuasion.


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