Home Men Men Really Are Dumb…Sometimes.

Men Really Are Dumb…Sometimes.

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I was talkin’ to one of my boys over the weekend. He had been helping one of his boys solve some relationship drama over the last week or so and came to an epiphany about the power struggle between men and women in the context of dating. By the end of our discussion, I had a fresh blog topic for the readers of singleblackmale.net.

Men know when it’s time to end a relationship more quickly than women, but it’s a helluva lot more difficult for a man to get out of a relationship than it is for a woman.

Sounds controversial doesn’t it? I was hoping so. When he first started explaining his theory, I was hesitant to cosign. Being that I have a lot of female friends, I’ve played counselor and consultant to quite a few women who have been trying to leave a guy but just can’t. In my mind, there was no way in hell that I thought it was more difficult for a man to bounce when he’s unhappy, especially cuz a lot of my brethren just have that emotional/mental switch that allows them to shut down on demand. Everybody knows a cold-hearted bastard. I’ve been that guy before…with good reason of course.

His point started to make sense as he continued to elaborate. I thought of how many times I had been complaining to one of my boys or vice versa about wifeykins and how I/he had had enough of her bullsh*t. One of us was determined to break up with the person cuz things sucked. We get off the phone confident that we’ll put the kabosh on the relationship…then 2 days later we call our homeboy back:

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Friend: Yo, what’s good man?
Slim
: Not a thang. What’s up?
Friend
: So yeah, about shorty..
Slim
: Uh oh, what happened?
Friend
: Well, I told her things were a wrap…
Slim
: Good, but you sound hesitant.
Friend
: Yeah, I told her over the phone but she said she wanted to talk about it face to face.
Slim
: Oh no. Please tell me you didn’t!?
Friend
: Yeah man, the sex was reckless. We’re still together.
Slim
: Damn you! Damnnnn yooouuuu! Can’t you just keep your d*ck in your pants for the one day that it matters?!
Friend
: I know. Shut up dog. This was you 6 months ago. You were still with shorty til like 2 months ago.
Slim
: Oh yeah, you’re right. Umm…soooo.

The evil but oh so good vajayjay strikes again. Dude wasn’t able to leave shorty for 3 (dumb) reasons:

  1. He was gettin’ the beats
  2. These were consistent beats
  3. He’s actually a nice guy and didn’t wanna be an @sshole.

And this is the type of stuff that leads dudes to end up gettin hurt in the long run. Cuz now dude has taken her back and is steady with her, but if she reaches the decision that it’s time to break up after her single/unhappy friends convince her the ish will be over and his feelings will be tattered. She’ll be moving on while homie is like “what the f*ck, you can’t give me another chance now?”, soundin all emotional and sh*t. It’s awful. Quite awful.

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The ultimate point my boy was making is that men stay in relationships for longer times for more stupid reasons than women. Usually, one of her orifices is responsible for his poor decision-making and ultimately she ends up in control until she decides to call it quits. Men need to take a stand against the vajayjay and keep our special tools tucked away if we truly want to get out of a relationship. Otherwise we’re fighting an uphill battle unless she cheats in which case we’re done cuz we’re wayyyy more territorial when it comes to sex.

So good readers, what do yall think about my friend’s theory? Is it true? Is it a bunch of BS? Is it the exact same for both sexes? Let’s get the ish sizzlin!

slim jackson

Comment(44)

  1. wow… how scary is it that this is a similar scenario with me and my ex? Except instead of sex I used tears… and once I felt better and we were back together… I dropped him like a bad habit. OUCH! I feel so awful now…

    Ok, it passed. I'm all better.

  2. this might be the first time i agreed with Slim GOT DAYUM…its a new day LOL..

    jk..

    no i do believe that it is harder for men to get out NORMALLY because they like something to “get out to”…a woman will bounce with NO other prospects but her sanity. A man will deem a relationship “over before its over” but usually he aint goin NO WHERES until he gets a little “inspiration” if you know what i mean…so yeah i can see why familiar poonany might make him stay around a little longer.

    with a woman…old dack is old dack…i just need to be free.

  3. Ehh, I think its equally hard for both men and women to leave relationships. I've counseled many a female friend who can't leave a guy alone cause of the Vitamin D. And a lot of chicks will take a lot of crap from a dude and still stay with him cause she thinks she can "change him" (Ugh, I hate that, but I digress).

    BTW fellas, if the sex is bad with your chick, will that hasten the breakup? I'm assuming the good sex is what keeps you from breaking up, but what if that particular night its horrible or she's not in the mood or something?

  4. Happy New Year SBM & SBM Peeps!!!

    Now on to today's topic: Slim J, some men are gullible and will fall for it. But what I see happen though…even though they fall for it…they still don't change…they will either keep that one woman around and find someone else on the side…or eventually they'll start trying to mistreat her–so that she'll eventually be the one to call it quits.

    Reference us women–what's that song by R Kelly–When a woman's fed up, there's nothing you can do about it—well there's truth there. When I'm in a relationship, for the most part I give the man an opportunity to redeem himself if I feel that it's not working. I break it down, tell him what the issue is…if they either choose not to do something about the issue or change for a minute and then go back to doing the same thing–then it's over. There's no coming back. I'm through. Why? Because I know unless it's something drastic like you cheated on me, I am going to give you a chance so for me to get to the point of saying it's over—it means all chances have been exhausted.

  5. 2 can play that game… we all know that… men shouldnt be so weak to that kind of stuff… and why her friends gotta be unhappy and single…lol

    Fact of the matter is the table are switched more than it is the man sticking around. Women put up with a lot from ya'll on the regular so a couple of ya'll just have to fall victim from time to time for the betterment of society.

  6. @Jubilance:

    I mean if dude is not happy and the sex is consistently booty bunz (in a bad way), he will more than likely be out.

    Then again, if she develops some new found talent which she takes an enthusiastic stance…perhaps he'll hang around to see what that's all about. Is that what you mean?

  7. Well hmm…I'll say I can agree. Furthermore, I think that a man should always stay away from a woman when she wants to talk…she will get you. And it may not always use sex. It might be tears…dinner…just anything to get your attention. For a woman, if she's done, she's done…and unless you've grown a new bigger dack then I just wanna be free(CBG) 😉

  8. I think his theory is true. When a woman is done she is done. For a man (at least it seems to me) it's a process. Lining up that next "fo-sho thang". It's not over until he has another woman's arms (and orifice, as you said) to fall into.

  9. men are dumb alot of the time SMH sorry but men can be VERY very very naive and green when it comes to certain women, esp women who are manipulators the type I call vampire b*tches…some play the sympathy card, damsel in distress, some play the dumb role themselves, some attach themselves to a nuccas scrotum under the gusie of friendship only :-* when she really waitn you out to phcuk her, some play to ego etc etc etc I have seen all kinds and I am a womne myself so I peep BS way before the prospective prey= gullible naive men LOL

  10. I agree, I come to find that men don't like hurting girls feelings. When in reality a woman is much colder than a man. I find that men have a hard time admitting that woman control the relationship from the very beginning. IE… she decides wheather or not she going to give the snatch away.

    But when it comes to ending a relationship I think both parties end up staying too long when both people know that the relationship is dead.

  11. @CPT…OK I can wait…umm..who is the sales rep…I find you lose out when I have to go through the middleman…he might try to take "monies" from you. And you're former military too…Yep I'm already weak-kneed.

    @Danielle "I agree, I come to find that men don’t like hurting girls feelings. When in reality a woman is much colder than a man."

    Can the church say AMEN?! Women are some heartless individuals sometimes…will have a man walking the street thinking he's homeless…It's really kinda odd when you think about it. Somebody reference Vivian Green "Gotta Go, Gotta Leave" dude thought he had it all under control…umm..think AGAIN!

  12. I just had the face-to-face convo yesterday. Who the hell "breaks up" with somebody over the damn phone?

    Didnt know it was supposed to be the sex that keeps him. Jeez. Either way these types of situations suck. Sex just seems to complicate them. Best for everyone involved to keep their private parts private during break ups.

  13. Can I take a second to point out to everybody that cpt and jac are bartering sex while the discussion goes on about the post? This website is the next e-bay.lol.

    @Southern: Why you gotta go and disliketh me? I'm good at what I do. No hostility that I spoke of the vulnerabilities of man.lol.

    @Nyela: More more afraid of being alone than women? Hmm…not willing to co-sign on this yet.

  14. I think it is equally as hard for a man to leave a woman as it is a woman to leave a man, especially if they are actually in love with the other person.

    Someone once told me, "Men are only as loyal as their options allow them to be". I actually believe that. Your "friend" just doesn't have strong enough options to step away.

  15. Cosign. Make-up sex is a bitch. Never trust the "can we discuss this face to face!" It either ends up in sex or someone dead in a ditch lol.

  16. "I deliver nothing but the choice cuts…wink wink."

    Well awright… stamp it USDA then! LOL

    "Can I take a second to point out to everybody that cpt and jac are bartering sex while the discussion goes on about the post? This website is the next e-bay.lol."

    LMAO.. slim you didn't know??? Jac is our version of Lynn on Girlfriends. LOL

  17. "Can I take a second to point out to everybody that cpt and jac are bartering sex while the discussion goes on about the post? This website is the next e-bay.lol."

    Is that what we're bartering? I thought we were talking about chicken? J/K..well if he wasn't former military…and all that jazz..you know mind you business, Slim.

    IH-Hey lady! I think you're right too…I don't think women have it as easy as people (men)think we do and vice versa.

    "LMAO.. slim you didn’t know??? Jac is our version of Lynn on Girlfriends. LOL"

    Yeppers-hell Lynn is even the rest of my name…'cept I don't have five masters..just a BA

  18. @Slim: That's fine. To this, I'm referring to tha man who, whether happy or not, is very dependent on being in a relationship. When I say afraid of being alone, I don't mean being lonely. I mean lacking the attention and presence of a woman, consistently catering to his physical and emotional needs. Once a man has that, I'd argue, it's hard for him to give that up. Which is why a lot of men would rather cheat than give that up and face the demise of the relationship.

  19. Nyela Goodness do you really think that's why a man would rather cheat. Because I see men getting their physical and emotional needs met through most woman that they date. I find that woman are so loving that once they feel like they could be feeling you, then that's when they begin there catering. I thought men cheated because they want to test new waters.

  20. To me It all comes from not having a clear understanding of what you want from that person and coming to terms with what you are receiving. You start Jedi mind tricking yourself about what things are and where they are going etc. Then sometimes point blank period you’re bored and don’t know how to create closure. Breakup sex can just be that if you keep it funky and truly go through the motions of having an honest conversation. To get there you have to ask yourself some real questions. The minute you answer them as best you can, then you can step up to the plate and do what needs to be done. The problem is that both men and women ignore their feelings and stick to bad habits that have formed the foundation of their respective relationship.

    Sex is a physical conversation. Sometimes you can speak to a person a lot better physically, and love that connected understanding. It can cloud judgment, because you are weighing everything else in your relationship against it. Yet sex can't sustain that conversation beyond the sheets, and we like to ignore that fact at times. More times than not we as men convey our emotions that way better. Rather stepping back calling a spade a spade, and sticking to some displine. Women notice that in some men, and want to "change" him so that it's in everything. Sometimes they want to "change" a man cause all they see is perception of what "he should/could" be. That's what can keep a woman trapped mentally and emotionally. It's not saving their sanity. It's getting clarity.

  21. @Danielle: I'm not citing this as the reason men cheat…that's a whole nother topic. I'm simply saying that men would rather cheat than break up in these situations, not that it drives them to cheat.

  22. "I thought men cheated because they want to test new waters."

    True enough, there's no p*ssy like new p*ssy…but then again the p*ssy at home is your own. I think sometimes men cheat for the physical gratification but then again…I think men, just like women can be emotionally drained and need that kinda companionship as well.

    "Sex is a physical conversation. Sometimes you can speak to a person a lot better physically, and love that connected understanding."

    WOW-how true

  23. Hmmm…. I think it's hard for both mostly depending on the level of the relationship and the person. There are a lot more women out there nowadays that will just up and leave with no second thoughts, not matter if the D is good. So many scenarios you can throw at this theory. Now if you're both in a love relationship, that's what makes it harder to move on when you know it's not going to work out. This person has become an important part of your life. How do you move on without them consistently there? I know at that level it's extrememly hard to move on for both. In most cases.

  24. I've never had make-up sex. What does that consist of? Just sex and then forgiveness, or forgiveness and then sex. Where does the negotiation part come in. I just don't see how once your done with someone, sex can make you want them again. It's like okay we had sex now can you get your things and leave.

    @Reign I agree if you love a person it's harder to say I don't want to live without you even if you no longer like the way they carry themselves. It's easier to say you would like to help them.

  25. I think it’s the same…. Your theory is great but I know several women who stay around trying to “stick it out,” or hoping that “he will change.” Sometimes it works out for them, sometimes it doesn’t.

    “cuz a lot of my brethren just have that emotional/mental switch that allows them to shut down on demand. Everybody knows a cold-hearted bastard. I’ve been that guy before…with good reason of course”

    BTW- this is me. I don’t want to say I’m cold hearted though. LOL

  26. "I’ve never had make-up sex. What does that consist of? Just sex and then forgiveness, or forgiveness and then sex. "

    For me, there was never a negotation.. Me and this guy would have a routine.. he'd call me at night, late and break up with me…the next day at work, he'd see me and forget everything he said.

    OR we'd have s3x and he'd forget about his breakup the night before.

    He went on like that for MONTHS. LOL.

    IT's really not spoken Danielle.. it sorta just happens.

  27. Well then I guess this is something that I do. I've broken up in the morning. Come home have sex and then by night time be broken up again……. I quess only to have good sex again.

    I thought this consisted of an argument. Then the argument just turns into sex. Now I think that's hot. If you could break me out of my anger and arouse me. Wow!!!

  28. hmmm. Tough one. Can't really say in general which gender finds it harder to break up with their S/O. I know no amount of (good) sex has made me stay in a relationship that I didn't want to be in. If your not an asshole in your relationship and you don't end it on a sour note, more than likely you can possibly beat those later on down the line anyway (if thats what you're into).

  29. I’ve never taken a consensus as to whether it was easy or not. All I know is I usually do the breaking up…and it’s not that hard. It especially isn’t hard when you can look at them in the face and do it. I never have breakup sex. That’s the problem…once it’s done her meat contract has ended.

  30. Uhm I definitely agree. As a woman with mostly male friends, I don’t know how many times I’ve had to counsel some of them through their doomed relationships for months on end. It’s harder for a man to leave, once he’s reached a certain comfort level. I had a friend who was miserable in his relationship and would slide off every chance he got but never broke up with her! (I think they’re engaged now…yuck.) Things like this convince me that men are more afraid of being alone than women. Yea, y’all some dependent mofo’s, too.

    I will say that women, at times, stay in relationships longer than usual. But it’s usually because we have this ridiculous notion that maybe he’ll change…riight. Once we finally realize and convince ourselves that we deserve better, we out tha door, with no turning back. And like comeback said, all the motivation we need is our sanity.

  31. @ Slim – "cold-hearted bastard" is my middle name, but its also with good cause…usually

    But nawl, I def agree that it is a harder situation for a man to leave opposed to the women. If its not the pussy being thrown on a fishing line (experienced this before), its the man not wanting to really be the bad guy, cuz u knw ni***z aint ish anyway (been here before too).

    When dude trys to leave, always to much vajayjay and emotions involved. When dude is getting left, its "I tried to talk about this a long time ago."

  32. "I thought this consisted of an argument. Then the argument just turns into sex. Now I think that’s hot. If you could break me out of my anger and arouse me. Wow!!!"

    I've never had that…. but it is a fantasy. LOL

  33. Yeah I agree with you too Mr.Faqs. Any man tries to leave first will be labeled as an aint shit nigga; unless the girl was a strait tramp, too stupid to comprehend the alphabet, and couldn't cook and clean.

    @ Nicki Sunshine that's what I thought people were actually experiencing.

  34. I 100% agree with this!! Men are alot more emotionally involved then they want to let on. Its not very hard to convice a man that he is making the wrong decision when it comes to a RELATIONSHIP. Especially with the power of the P*ssy.

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