Home Men Misogyny … and “The Problem”

Misogyny … and “The Problem”


It is no secret here that SBM loves “ignorant rap” music (I wish a mother f*****r would try to judge me too … lol).  I have even decided to share my vast knowledge with the world in my “Moments Of Ignorance” posts … there is a dark side to all this … a very dark side.

The mysogany …

For all of you who are afraid of big words and don’t know what misogyny means … I’ll help you out (your also the one’s I’m talking about!)


hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women.

cite: dictionary.com

But … while misogyny has been addressed in books and by well known advocates with koofis and natural hair I want to give it that SBM twist … as only I do.

When misogyny is talked about … it’s not literal.  It goes well beyond just hitting a woman, kicking her down some stairs, and unannounced cumshots other blatant acts of disrespect … because I bet the most misogynystic men will claim “naw dawg … I loves me some women … I gots ta have the p***y!”

*sigh* …

Misogyny usually manifests itself as an overall disrespect for all women (simply because their women) and treating them like trophies, toys, c*m receptacles, and objects … instead of the givers of life and mothers of our children that they are … well the good non-slumming ones at least.

To drive the point home … here are a few signs of a misogynist

  • Refers to every woman … no matter who they are … as b*tch. E.g. “yeah that b*tch gave birth to me and let me stay at her house for 30 years … but a b* is a b*”
  • No desire to treat any woman good … and is always seeing with what he can get away with.  E.g “I bet I can smash her sister and then go home right after for dinner”
  • Touts the amount of random women he has slept with as a bragging point.  Also gives himself extra points for not knowing the names of half of them.
  • Literally thinks ALL women as beneath him.  His boss, his wife, his sister, his mama … all of them.  And is quick to tell ya why. E.g. “I don’t care if she signs my checks … I’d have barefoot in that kitchen scrubbing my floors in no time”

Now that you know what I mean by misogyny (if you still don’t get it … you can go ahead and close the browser now and come back tomorrow I am so glad to have Mr. G. W. Bush here on my lil ol’ site … one more day man!) … lets move on …

BTW … I was once a misogynist.  I recovered and its a daily fight (partially because I refuse to give up UGK)

It takes a strong strong … super strong mind and will to listen to huge amounts of more ingorant rap that is pervasice on the radios and television.  Besides the promotion of overspending, rented rims, drinking, drugs, inflated asses, and … well 95% of what’s currently wrong with black society … you have tons of passive and active misogyny … yeah … there are two types.

Passive misogyny is not direct … its implied … like always calling a girl a b***h in a song.  Active is worst … that’s when the someone directly tells the world that all women are b****s and to to swap em out like shoes.

Misogyny in music nowadays is the problem for some truly depraved actions by the youth out here.  I still feel that chivalry is dead (actually read the post … it’s deep sh*t), but the rampant disrespect hurts my sould.  Every woman is not a b*tch, good women do exist and in addition to being recognized need to be … actually treated well (ghasp!), some women can be trusted (not all though … don’t get it twisted), and at their not second class citizens.  It’s too convenient to blame music for all this … because its not just Webbie’s Gutta B***h single … but it’s not helping.  If you think it’s rare instances … actually listen to the lyrics of International Player’s Anthem (I Choose You) … there is a whole song after Andre 3000’s verse

The solution … the SBM approved test before buying ignoratn music.  Yes … I feel anyone buying any of the actively ignorant music should be able to define “misogyny”, give 3 current examples of it, and explain why the electricity (its not just the lights) bill should be paid before spinning rims are purchased.  After that … your 1 year card will be issued.

Was today random … yeah … but do you feel me?  Is there a need to fight some of the more prominent misogyny that is out here infecting our people? Is music the biggest issue? Am I the only one who can bob their head to a Soulja Boy song … but still is waiting on his public execution for crimes against hip-hop?



  1. u know… i agree whole heartedly…

    sadly, it's the misogynistic music that sells and seeing as tho we live in a capitalistic society, it will be the thing that continues to sell. but what makes it all the more difficult is that they put fly ass beats to these demeaning lyrics.

    for example, nelly's "tip drill"… being an alum of the oh so great and prestigious spelman, my fellow sisters were outraged at the video and and the lyrics to this song. however, in a very contradictory manner, it was some of these same sisters that were droppin low and "twerking" to this song in the club. not because of the message but because of the hot beat.

    i digress… either way, i own some kirk franklin and some three six mafia… not cuz of the message in either, purely for the beat…

  2. its sad to me songs with such great beats have such degrading lyrics.

    ex. p*ssy poppin on a handstand

    who the F writes this mess?

    freak hoe? just put it in ur mouth?

    smh. the state of black music today.

    and we wonder y these kids are running around screwing each other at 11 & 12…

  3. Point taken on the misogyny tip but on the rap tip… the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem… now get some more R&B in your life!!!!!

  4. "Every woman is not a b*tch, good women do exist and in addition to being recognized need to be … actually treated well (ghasp!), some women can be trusted (not all though … don’t get it twisted), and at their not second class citizens"

    I almost shouted! LOL

    I knew this guy who dated my friend (he was actually my best guy friend for a while) who was thee biggest MISOGYNIST EVER. He would deny it to his grave, but I know his came from a failed marriage, where the women ended up cheating. But he hated women, he generalized all of us… "U women can't drive/ are stupid, etc." I let it go because I'm a little passive but I had to have a talk with him… like dude, you are putting me, your mama, your sister, your girl ALL IN THIS CATEGORY, STOP IT.

    Long explanation, I know… but I think that a lot of angry characteristics come from a hurt place.

  5. F*ck dat…these b*tches need to hear the truth…

    Okay, I'm kidding. Although I can admit to getting my daily dose of ignorant music, I sometimes cringe at the lyrics. I remember telling friends at my college about Akinyele's not so popular song from his first album called "I Luh Her." In this particular song he goes into graphic detail about how his girl is pregnant and the things he'll do to make her have an abortion. I don't think the same women who ran around singing "Put It In Your Mouth" as the 90s ho anthem caught wind of this single, but I didn't hear much protest over the latter either.

    I could easily shake my fingers at these ignant azz rappers for making the song, but then I look up to see a young lady gyrating and air-freakin to some ignangt lyrics and saying "oooh that's my song." Then I digress…

  6. I think young men are all trying to mimic the PIMP. And young women don't demand enough respect. Not that these young men today would listen. But I really believe it comes from a generation of fatherless sons and daughter. A lot of what this music comes from is real shit these woman are allowing to go on. Girls get real nasty. And alot of girls don't have that respect for themselves, their bodies, or even the children they might carry.

  7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7LjYEYs09o

    Firstly, I want ya to listen to the above song by Hov. Accurately explains the difference between a b*tch and a gardening tool.

    I listen to all types of nutty arse music and I dont think I have an itch of mysoginy in me. I think its b/c I'm conceited and I think I am the best at everything until proven wrong twice (the first time was a fluke). SO it doesnt matter if you're a woman or a man, I'm better than you. I've been call mysoginistic b/c I dont think that women should hold physical jobs for the most part. There are some women that are able to perform them well but how many times has a woman outperformed a man at that same position. You mean to tell me that 50% of the women cops can chase a man of my speed and strength down and then hold me down til back up arrives? FCUK outta here with that. But I've digressed I guess…..

  8. People create defenses against shit they don't understand. Namely men create defenses (misogyny) against women because we don't make sense to them… We hurt them, but somewhere in them, they still want us.

    Its sick for men to still like us after all we put them through heartwise. (Not really, it's how God intended, but hey!)

    Women do it to. The typical ABW is a product of not understanding why a man or men do the things they do. Again, it hurts so we defend against it.

    I listen to misogynistic music as well. But I listen to a lot of I love you and need you music too. Far as I am concerned, people need to learn to govern their actions, regardless of what they put in their ears.


  9. @CPT—"I could easily shake my fingers at these ignant azz rappers for making the song, but then I look up to see a young lady gyrating and air-freakin to some ignangt lyrics and saying “oooh that’s my song.”

    I will agree with you here. I think black women perpetuate and bring these things on ourselves because we do not stand up and say I will not be treated this way or be positive.

    Also, I am going to be a good little girl this week…okay daddy?

    "I think young men are all trying to mimic the PIMP."

    And you're not…

  10. @ Jac….“I think young men are all trying to mimic the PIMP.”

    And you’re not…

    No, I don't believe that I try to mimic a Pimp, I don't have woman crawling around after me believing that they could be nothing with out me. Allowing me to degrade them and superman them. And then take all they have to offer.

    Well could this possibly apply to men. If so then you might have a point. LOL!!!

  11. @ Jac
    Good Girl

    I hear misogyny being brought up all the time. Now, I'm going to flip the script and it's not going to be popular but: Let's talk about misandrists, shall we? Despite what all the pro-women boosters say, there are still those that hate boys and men alike or spew out vicious rhetoric against the gender. Of course there aren't a lot of women rappers to pick up that slack and still have records sale, but from Oprah to some of the more prominent feminist personalities, to the court system–there are those that hate and vilify men. Speak on that.

  12. @CPT-Thank you for the validation. I'll try because I believe any spanking you give might be really hard. LOL ok..ok…on to the real comment…

    CPT you are truly right. Outside of the whole idea of women being objectified men are often vilified no matter how good they are and truthfully it is kinda sad that it has to be that way because when this happens you have good men and good women who become angry and bitter creating more of what created them which to me means the cycle is only further perpetuated.

  13. @CPT– I agree men have no rights in this country. Everything is woman, woman, woman. Just like right now woman have 1/3 of the cabinet in the white house and the activist are upset that they don't have more woman working the cabinet. Women take, take, and take more. Not that that's a bad thing.

    Sorry, men have no one to show them mercy. It's expected for them to just Man-up and humble themselves. Any other type of behavior would be un-civalized.

  14. @Danielle

    I tried discussing this on another (hot mess of a) social networking site and the women (skrong black independent women of course)went on to tell me that my saying that was representative of "weak" men. So I'm not allowed to bring up that men are sexually abused, raped, assaulted by women (read the stats on women against men in domestic violence cases) and victims of the jilted court system. I hear a lot of times about a woman who will beat or stab a man, call the police and usually the man is arrested regardless. The idea is "no woman can do anything of harm to a man."

    But I digress…

  15. "So I’m not allowed to bring up that men are sexually abused, raped, assaulted by women (read the stats on women against men in domestic violence cases) and victims of the jilted court system. I hear a lot of times about a woman who will beat or stab a man, call the police and usually the man is arrested regardless. The idea is “no woman can do anything of harm to a man.”

    I think we've all seen the show Snapped. I hate to say this but more often than not the women do horrible things to the men because they are sick of the men and want to move on or just want their money. And the men are already some of the most giving and caring men known to mankind. I think some women suffer with "princess syndrome" to a degree that prevents them from realizing that men are not always being abusive…and sometimes a woman can definitely turn a man into wanting to knock the hell out of her…or turn him into a bitter man…

    Just my interpretation…

  16. @Jac

    I think you have the right idea, however, just as Danielle said, we have to look at it from both sides. When a woman asserts some sort of anger or rage at a male, it is seen as a provoked response to some mistreatment at the hands of the stronger gender. However, when the table is turned, little or no sympathy is offered to the male. So he could be standing there covered in blood, yet all she will have to do is say he raised his voice, he looked threatening or he's just a man and she's off the cuff.

    Taking it back to music, the radio and television is awash with misandrist propaganda:
    – husbands on TV shows are made out to be balding, pot bellied simpletons and their wives the wise cracking, know it alls.
    – most talk shows are ran by women and many of the topics fall into the "what he did to me" category where men are responsible for whatever short comings including self esteem issues.
    – Oxygen and (especially) Lifetime…nuff said. I swear every other movie is a rape movie.
    – Beyonce and the grrrrl power troops consistently roll out songs that put men in a "you're stupid, pay me" type of container.
    – Even on the CNN "Black in America" special, despite the woman having more say over her body than a male ever will, she chose to be victimized because she gave birth to four children and never married. The shame fell on the male.
    – Listen very carefully to when it comes to ideas about rape: when a woman is raped, she is given support, consoled and asked to "take back the night." Little boys who are sexually abused and even men (raped in places such as prison) usually are given no support and left to suffer in silence. And you wonder why there are angry and confused young men running around.

    I didn't mean to railroad the blog with these tidbits of information but misogyny has a parallel that needs to be brought to the forefront.

  17. I got married….

    oh and my 2cents. we need to look at women who hate men more than men who just hate women. forget all of the women who hate though, you look hard enough and you will be able to find one who actualy knows how to love. its a wonderful thang boys.

  18. @ Jac & CPT….. Snapped is show on woman killing their men. And this is a t.v show. Imagine how the world would react to a show where men snapped. Everyone would be appauled, they would bury everyone of them under the jail. Look at the show Dateline. How they set those men up for milk and cookies.

    I agree woman have more support. The only place you hear them talked about disgracefully is in music. Yet t.v, magazines, even internet articles, stores, etc are all geared towards woman and what they want. Men have few support systems.

    @ Men check out Baisen after dark of Tom Joyner's shows. Those are male perspective shows you could relate to.
    @ CPT loving women are every where even right here on this page you have Jac, Nicki, and I.

  19. @ Nicki and Jac
    Hey, can the two of you ladies shoot me a good email?

    @ Danielle
    – Mike Baisden, annoying as he is, doesn't even begin to really go into men's issues quite the way he should. As a matter of fact, I am still waiting for him to un-mangina himself on his radio show.

  20. @HNIC-Congrats…Miss Alaska finally bagged you.

    @CPT-I'm doing a lot of loving right here…and Nic's DOING IT TOO!

    And sure…what's that e-mail?

  21. [email protected]

    Don't worry about the title:
    If you're good I'll give you the ones I actually check. With three proofs of purchase you might be able to see who the CPT is.

    @Nick…I've got something funny to tell you actually

    – He has his moments of manginaism but I still listen to him. Just like I listen to Steve Harvey even though he has some sever dry spells.

  22. @CPT: I was going to talk about misandry here … even had a little paragraph written … but I concluded that topic deserves a whole post and to be discussed in detail.

  23. I'm fairly new to this community, and I am still catching up on past post, so I am not certain how brutally honest and straight up topics are dealt with here. But I have a question that I have been grappling with for years, and would love the insight from various perspectives before I commit myself to writing my own post. It's real talk, so I'm hoping the females don't take offense to me admitting my ignorance out the gate.

    I grew up in a world where running "trains" on females was a rite of passage almost. If you hadn't done it at least once by the time you were twelve, you could lose your street cred and claims to "manhood." It was a way of life, and I went along with it as a willing participant just as everyone else did.

    By the time I was 16, "macking" females wasn't just a street ritual, it was virtually a religion–to get caught using the "L-word" was considered worst than snitching or getting shot. We had to be tough, we had to always be perceived as gangsters at all cost.

    I eventually escaped that world, but I'm not sure how much I've actually changed–mindset wise. Like SBM said, if you ask me whether or not I "hate" women, my instinctive response would be a "No! No Way!" I'd quickly argue that I've never hit a woman (but that would be a lame excuse since I ended up learning how to manipulate the mind enough that I do more damage emotionally than anything the average brute does physically.) I would probably argue that virtually every female thinks highly of me if you asked her–but that's no real reflection on how I view them.

    For the past three years, my homeboys and I have only dated married women and women in committed relationships–without exception. In many ways, we have become masters of seduction; it only takes us a few minutes in the company of a seemingly happy couple to devise the best method to "get our foot in the door."

    Here is the problem. I admit that it's quite possible that I am a misogynistic black man. I would love to improve myself in whatever way I can. But I'm no fool. Over half the women we seduce are married to the very same men who "love and respect and cherish" sisters like absolute queens.

    Because I see the "ugly" side of relationships that people in La La Land pretend don't exist (they act as though 50% divorce rate is a made up number), it makes me hesitant to fall into the footsteps of the "good" guys folks keep putting on pedestals. It's the "good" guy's wives we steal away in the afternoon or between her lunch breaks.

    I know a lot of females may use the "she was just a tramp" defense, but that argument isn't based on reality. All I can do is testify on behalf of myself and my peeps, and say, as honestly as possible, that the moment we hear a married woman say "I would never cheat on my husband/boyfriend" we zero in on her with the focus of a chemist until we have devised a way to seduce her. 7 out of ten times we figure out a way, even if it takes months.

    We are hoodlums who go to church instead of clubs because it's easier to seduce the women there–i know it's Fucked up, but I'm just being honest. I have a homeboy who teaches Bible study for kids because we noticed how "innocently" it allowed us to get introduced to the mothers. We laugh to ourselves when the husbands invite us over for BBQ or some other family function, not realizing he is helping us advance our mission.

    Yet, this is the problem. To what advantage is it–if it's true that I am misogynistic—to be a good, loving husband one day if I know–from deep personal experience–that the fate of those boring "good" guys is so secretly nasty? If a lot of men are misogynistic–and i don't dispute that–there are just as many females who are attracted to this behavior. (I'm being real, I hope others can be also.) If the silly, irresponsible, stupid, and misogynistic things we do didn't actually work, we would be forced to change–as survival of the fittest and evolution would insure that we either stepped our games up or become 40 year old virgins. The missing link in the misogynist conversation is the reality that it actually works–no matter how hard of a pill it may be to swallow.

    Many–far too many–women fall for it.

    Let me be clear: It got to a point where my homeboys and I started making bets with each other. We would place thousand dollar pool bounties on a deacon's wife or some married principle or some random female we noticed with a wedding ring on. All of us would contribute to the pot, and whoever seduced her first would win the money. Women we would have never imagined as "cheaters" before, turned out to be the easiest ones to seduce. Couples that looked so happy and loving and fulfilled, would be end up having an affair with one of us.

    As we got more experience and our "game" got tighter, even church became too small of a playing field for us. We started going to local NAACP meetings,attending seminars advertised in the local paper, actively seeking out events where we would find the most "challenging" married women. We visited a nearby hospital one time because none of us had ever seduced a "doctor" so we made a bet on a married Asian woman for two grand. It took us almost a year to finally close the deal–but we did.

    If we hate woman–and I won't deny it, even though I don't want to have to admit it yet without more evidence–then why is it that so many woman love us or at least cheat on the men who "truly love and cherish" them? If we meet a woman and discovers that she is single or divorced, we leave her alone immediately. It's actually EASIER to seduce married women and females in committed relationships than it is single women–and we don't have to deal will any of the extra drama–or responsibilities, to remain brutally honest–of single women.

    Sorry this comment is so long. I just wanted an "outside" opinion on this from my brothers and sisters before I finally write my post and hash out the demons and questions lurking inside of me.

    (As for my mother–we have a great relationship and I love her to death. I grew up as the "protector" in the family, as I was a banger before I left the streets–and as such, it was my responsibility to keep the family safe. A guy would get smashed unmercifully for even looking at my sister wrong–mostly because I was afraid someone would try to do to her all the things I was doing to other women. I include this info because a lot of people seem to think the relationship a man has with his mother reveals his true opinion of women.)

    So, finally, what's the solution? Do I become like the husbands we take wives from, or do continue down the path I'm on now–a young brother involved with a crew of hoodlums who chase married women for sport. Both options suck–at least in my eyes. (P.S. I know there are a lot of dude who may be too insecure to admit that it's possible that their female would cheat on them. All I can do is share my experience, and warn you that there is a good chance you wouldn't even know if she was—I have homeboys who have pretended to be gay for months in her company to eventually seduce a female and win the thousand dollar bounty.)

    So why would I want to be a "good" guy, if that's the reward?

    My solution, however impotent, has been to sometimes use my site as a resource for women to learn the game—from a bunch of cats who are actually in the game. I hope to school women on many of the things "females" let us get away with, and how to spot our con out the gate.

    I don't want to see myself as a brother who hates women—and I do a lot to counterbalance my past. But I don't want to be that other fool either: a husband who loves and cherishes and respects and honors and appreciates and adores a wife he has no idea is cheating on him–with a young cat only a handful of years from being a teenager.

  24. @ The Black Critic, I ask that you consider opening you heart and mind to a third option … get married to a woman who you love and cherish and for whom you will fight to maintain your marriage (a woman who will do the same for you). Anybody who says marriage is all fun and games is a liar. I am married, and I willingly fight the good fight on a daily basis. If you are with someone who you are willing to struggle for and who is willing to struggle for you, rogue elements like lonely sexy secretaries or scheming hoodlum Bible study teachers can't mess things up. I'm not denying these things happen, all I am saying is that there is a third class of "folk" out there. Good luck though … seems like you're doing some soul searching.

    @ PEYSO, I totally agree with you on the physical jobs issue. If I'm stuck in a burning building, best believe I want a big, tall, muscular man to rescue me … ditto if I am in an alleyway getting mugged. I don't think this logic applies to non-physical labour though.

    With respect to the post, I for the most part listen to old hip hop, "conscious" rap, NeoSoul, jazz, chick rock ("Grey's Anatomy type music), calypso, and soca. I honestly am sick of the popular hip hop/rap or whatever it's called these days. I don't let it bother me too much though. All I know is I associate myself with people who share my point of view so misogyny derived from hip hop is never a problem in my personal world.

    I am not going to be on some mission to save people from hip hop. I can't even fathom how to do that and I think there's a lot more important things to address. Like the causes of why these things to appear in the lyrics at all. I liken it to the increasingly popular thought (at least in the blogosphere) that Barack Obama's election "may" change hip hop. Why? Because something changed — our president is black, we can now maybe all dream a little bit harder, maybe finally have something to be proud of. If there is a manifest change in the direction of hop hop due to Prez. O, then I think it's all about changing the facts on the ground.

    BUT, and that's a big but, at the end of the day it's all about the money … and it's the (white) record execs pulling the strings. Just like they pull Britney, just like they pull Avril Lavigne … they also pull the rappers. They give the people what they will pay the most for without regard to its effect on the masses. So if singing about oral sex in a song with a catchy beat and likening it to licking a lollipop is kinda crappy. If it will get 12 year old (predominantly white) girls to force their parents to buy the CD, ringtones, iTunes, and a $300 ticket at Radio City Music Hall for them …. guess what?? Nothing will change. No one cares about Common sing/rapping to a blind girl to come closer; they want to hear about Little (???) telling the b*tches to crawl while he um … you know, as long as it has a good beat. That's what sells these days, after all. Trust me, if it didn't sell we wouldn't be forced to listen/deal with it.

  25. Brave and funny. If every man called the misogynists on their s&^% like you just did then chivalry wouldn't be dead. I hope I live to see the day… and that if happens before another woman I know is beaten or raped.

  26. Looks like a smartly written article and supporting comments here. I would point out that other people have proposed a different angle, particularly in terms of gardening. Has anyone here found more viewpoints on the Web, and will you let me know where?

  27. Brave and funny. If every man called the misogynists on their s&^% like you just did then chivalry wouldn’t be dead. I hope I live to see the day… and that if happens before another woman I know is beaten or raped.

  28. Hi,I log on to your new stuff named “Misogyny … and “The Problem” – SBM” regularly.Your humoristic style is witty, keep up the good work! And you can look our website about proxy server list.


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