Two phrases died in my head yesterday as I stood in the freezing cold: “America is not ready for a Black president” and “Why is he with that snow bunny?”
CNN’s lead article when I woke up this morning was entitled “Black first family ‘changes everything,'” and while I reeeaaally didn’t want to, I clicked on it anyway. It basically said everything the title eluded to: They are the real life Cosby Family, they don’t have drama in public, and the girls aren’t ‘bebe’s kids’ (their exact words).
So this got me thinking how it all became possible. Would it be the same if he wasn’t bi-racial? Or if he was raised by his Black mother in Cleveland while his white father was at home in Ireland? Its something to think about.
As I stood in the freezing cold waiting to get into The Diner for Nelli’s All-Meat Omelet and Home fries (that I never got), one of my boys says to me “Man, its been so many interracial couples out this weekend.” And he was right. The past couple of days that I have been in DC, I have seen more interracial couple than I have ever seen in any one place in life. Prior to this, Vegas always seemed as the land of mixed race unions and whatnot. But every where I turned be it airport, metro, streets, masses on the mall and restaurants I saw more and more Flipper Purify’s.
So again, it got me thinking. Has the emergence of Barack made it ok for Black men to walk down the street warming their white women ok? I won’t say “ok again” because I can’t say it ever was. Granted my family is as mixed as a box of Fruit Loops, the notion that a Black man was doing some kind of disservice to the community by marrying outside his race has always been prevelant, ironic I know. But now that we have Barack, it really is a new day. We got our new “Black Jesus” via white mary so its only natural to assume to get the 2.0 that we got to have more of the unions existing right? Black women are head over heels for Barack and what he represents as a Black man, husband and father. So then now since he came from a white women does this change the anomosity towards Black men that go the other way?
I feel like I used a lot of question marks in this post but I’m going to chalk it up as a combo of extreme fatigue and the cold effecting my brain cells. But what does the SBM fam feel about this??????
You can also add to all of that the fact that his dad is actually African rather than himself African American. Either way, I dont see black women becoming ok with black men dating anything other than black women ESPECIALLY white women. But its not like the people who do, have, and would date inter-racially (including myself) really care if others dont like it anyway.
Simply put, I will never be okay with white women and black men couples. For some odd reason however, it doesn't bother me as much if the woman is anything other than white (emphasis on AS MUCH). I went to a PWI in Iowa for college and the athletes barely even acknowledged you if you weren't a bleach blond named Caitlyn. That always turned my stomach. Bottom line-NOTHING is more beautiful than Black on Black love…NOTHING.
No the emergence of President Obama nor him having a white mother has made black men dating blanquitas ok. I saw all the ebony and ivory couples out in DC and was thinking what the hell. Brack and Michelle= BLACK LOVE! I think there are so many other ethnic groups out there before playing with "snow bunnies". I'm an interacial dater but only ethnic men. A black man with an ethnic woman (a descendent of brown nationsas well as Asian)to me is ok. But a white woman Negative! Didn't you hear Ossie Davis' speach in Jungle Fever about black men dating white women? Leave them gals alone!
I must admit while It doest bother me that a strong beautiful black man would take a 2520 and make her his wife, I must say this. Love is color blind. However I feel as though if u do decide to date a 2520 you must first realize where they identify with the struggle they will NEVER fully understand it. The oppresion that has befallen our people for so long before now will never be ingrained into their dna. driving while black is something they nor their parents ever faced. the black ebony mahaogany man is a special creature he carries with him the weight of hundreds of years of slavery (check his dna for cotton)
and it takes an equally special character to soothe this savage beast. THE BLACK WOMAN.
They really said in the article that the kids arent bebe's kids… That alone just t aggravated the hell out of me but I wont go there right now.
Its funny that you bring this topic up because me and some friends had a heated conversation yesterday this is Barack had a white wife or even a black wife that was so light that she looked white that he wouldn't have attracted as many voters from the African American community as he has. We all agreed the he most likely would have still won, and only if he got the nomination because there were a lot of black females that supported Hillary and I think even more would have voted for her if his wife was not visibly black.
So No its still not going to be accepted. Black women dont like to see our successful black men with white women. That is never going to go away. Its a subconscious thing that we need to deal with yes, but in the back of my mind we are thinking why once he gets some social status or money does he have to put a white chick on his arm.
It's time that we stop being hateful and narrow-minded when it comes to inter-racial couples and start living life to the fullest.
Black man + white woman = brown children
White man + black woman = brown children
Asian man + black woman = brown children
Get the picture? Those of us who date outside of our race already know what we're doing. Folks who think the only people who are worth dating/marrying are the ones who look exactly like they do are no better than the people who tried (unsuccessfully) to keep us all apart. A diverse family is a strong family. Believe that.
Now…I see we've taken a look at Obama's heritage with this post…
Why didn't we look at Michelle's niece and nephew those two beautiful blond children in the review box…those are Craig Robinson's children. Do I hate to see him with a white wife? Absolutely not…he seems to love her as much as Barack loves Michelle. And so…I guess what I'm saying is black love is wonderful and it's what I hope to have, BUT love…that real love…works for me too..regardless of race 🙂
I'm a product of an inter-racial couple (black mother, white father) so this whole issue touches a nerve. Even being biracial, but just like Barack seen as black, I don't think that black women will ever be happy about seeing black men with white women.
What I think is that black women need to branch out more and date outside of their "race" more often. Black women are often stuck on trying to find a good black man when there are plenty of good MEN in general out there just waiting to treat a woman right.
This is one of those timeless topics. I've dated an assortment of black, latina, white, and asian women in my past…though nowadays I pretty much only date/talk to Black women. I'm going to have to partially co-sign with RunningMom and akua on this one.
Barack is for change, but he won't change the conceptions people have about interracial dating. I personally believe that you can't control who you love. If a Black guy says "I only date White chicks", I have a problem with that not cuz he datin White, but cuz he is being real narrow-minded.
I also find it interesting how Black woman get so heated when they see this or get the chance to talk about it. I've been that Black dude who went off to college and the Black chicks paid him no mind for a couple years. Then all of a sudden he dates a White chick and suddenly people are interested in life. My view is like this…
Unless you or someone close to you wants to date the guy, why does it matter who he's dating or who he marries? The minority is going to be the majority in a few years anyway. Relax.
I likes me some chocolate though.
“I don’t think that black women will ever be happy about seeing black men with white women”
I think that’s an unfair statement, and it’s unfair to judge all black women as being upset about interracial marriages, or relationships between black men and white women…
Here’s what bother’s me about it, in most cases, when I asked black men about interracial dating, they gave reasons that were not qualifiers as to why they “preferred” white women over black women. If you are a black man and are in fact dating a white woman for LOVE, then who in the fuck cares, but if you are dating a white woman, for any of the following reasons (status, you think white women don’t get attitudes, submissiveness, oral sex, just to see what it’s like), I think it’s shallow, stupid, and speaks to your character…and I wouldn’t want to date you anyways, so Whatever…do you.
Obviously, the President can’t change racial feelings, and it wasn’t his choice to be born bi-racial. Hopefully, though, hopefully, people will see the love he and Michelle have for each other and try to emulate that, no matter what race they are.
So whether I end up marrying an Asian, Hispanic, Latino, Black, White, or African man…I hope he looks at me as lovingly as the Obama’s look at each other. I hope he respects me as much as Barack respects Michelle, and I hope it’s built on love, trust, honesty, and respect…not race
@ DC Dating Diva: I agree, perhaps that is an unfair generalization to say that ALL black women have a problem with interracial dating and that's not really what I meant. To clarify, I think it will be a very long time before people (especially black women) will not feel some type of way when they see a black man with a white woman. It may not be hate or anger but can you honestly say when you see that type of interracial couple that you don't do a double take?
I don't think race should be a factor in dating, career advancement, social status or anything else but it is so we have to deal with it.
No I don’t do a double take. It’s like this, “why would I want to date a guy who prefers breast, when I have a big butt”. Ok, not the same, but you get my point???
Everyone has preferences. At that time, for whatever reason, people date someone because of some characteristic they are attracted to, because of some emotion or feeling. I personally don’t have a problem with interracial dating. I have a problem with someone dismissing a whole race, based on stereo-types. (i.e. black men dismissing black women, and even black women dismissing black me). You’re right, we have to deal with it everywhere. Hopefully though, people will see that love comes in all colors, shapes, sizes, nationalities, ethnicities…etc…
Well put, I do get your point. I guess being raised and living in a relatively small town in the South I've been exposed to so much prejudice against interracial couples that my perception is skewed.
“Black women dont like to see our successful black men with white women.”
Well damn, that's too bad. I only notice that the concern comes with "successful" black men (which is subjective at best). What about the ones that have not reached whatever level of success? When they crossover is it more acceptable because of his position in society as not having "arrived" or is the anger directed at the fact that this man clocks 6 figures or better and therefore obligated to black women as a result? I've never understood that argument. I never hear black men grunting at a black woman snuggled up with a white dude and she just so happens to be a CEO. I might've heard a few dudes gripe about Serena Williams' preference but who really cares?
I personally do not IR date, but I'm open to the concept. I do know that depending on how bright her hue is that there would be problems at the family reunions and gatherings and such, so I'm very careful. Sistas get a first look always but I can't limit myself to just that, especially if I'm getting treated well (sounds nice).
No, it doesnt make me any more comfortable with the idea if interacial couples.
My problem has always been that many black men who date outside of their race do so as they rise in esteem and prestige. Its a status symbol, and many of them exclusively date women who are anything but black.
Usually it continues from generation to generation, as most mixed race kids identify as whatever the non-black aprent is. Its interesting to see that Barak persued Michelle, a dark skinned black woman, despite having a white mother and being raised by his white grandparents.
More than anything Im happy that the two of them prove that there are still black men out there who are educated, driven, good husbands and fathers, who still want black women by their side.
With divorce rates going up and ppl have all these kids in wedlock and sh*t, and we still got ppl talking about what race their SO can be. It kind of hurts my soul when ppl, especially women, judge a black man b/c he has a white wife. You know nothing about that man. That dude could have been raised by a white couple in the middle of Montana for all I know. Maybe that was the only woman who he felt he related to. There is so much that goes into a relationship and I think by looking down on ppl's relationship choices we are minimalizing the effort that it takes to have a successful relationship in this day and age. I have my own preferences so I can understand that a person has a preference but I think its rather ignorant to be bothered to the point of anger when another person doesnt share/express your preference. I think we get equally angry with ppl who are close minded on other subjects (e.g. Same gender marriage, dem vs rep, foreign policy, dst vs aka). I love black women and I'm pretty sure that I am going to marry a black woman but trust that if I met a white women who was educated, had some home training, wasnt crazy, had the aquafina flow, looked good, had a booty and could cook soul food, I'm bagging.
I empathize with both perspectives on this issue. I am very much for people loving/dating whomever they please. I also agree with Slim that guys who say "I only date white girls," is irritatingly narrow minded. Although I am not a black woman, I can understand all of the reasons why they do not approve of interracial dating, specifically white women and black men.
I have a question though…for the people that are strongly against it, how do you feel about Baracks upbringing? I've been reading his book Dreams from My Father and hadn't realized he was pretty much brought up by his white grandparents and Mother, and his Indonesian step father. How do people really feel about that? It's clear we're all passionate about Obama, but is his upbringing ignored?
I feel his upbringing and his life experiences are so distinctly unique and are what give him that inate ability to make pretty much anyone feel like Obama relates to them and can empathize with their situation. That is, to me, what makes him so truly inspiring.
"most mixed race kids identify as whatever the non-black parent is"
I don't agree with this statement. As a mixed race kid (black and white), I identified with the race/culture I was most exposed to. Which also happened to be the race I looked the most like (black). I'm sure Barack identifies strongly with the black culture because he looks black so he's been treated like a black man. Society has labelled him black which is the same thing that happens with other mixed race children that look black. So I'm not surprised at all that he chose a beautiful black woman as his wife.
man they should simply do what makes them happy. other people don't have to live their lives…
It's hard enough to find someone who's truly down for you anyways. Saying you won't or will only date a certain race eliminates A GREAT DEAL of those people..
why so surrrrous
Come on now…it's 2009 a disservice to your race. I feel like you shouldn't discriminate, just ejaculate.
"They really said in the article that the kids arent bebe’s kids… That alone just aggravated the hell out of me but I wont go there right now."
…. Why is bebe kids associated with black people, bebe kids come from poor families that don't have priorities, not just blacks, but whites, spanish and all other races. I think we should start right there.
“most mixed race kids identify as whatever the non-black parent is”
…. I disagree most mixed children identify themselves with there black side. Society identifies children as black once they're mixed with black. And once you skin has that pigment in it you're considered African American. Look at all older light skin people, obviously there was a mix somewhere and we still to this day consider them black.
I really don't care who dates who. But I will honestly say that by my opinion, (and this could just be the ones I know) most mixed children are alittle off. (Not all but most in general)
I noticed on the CNN-televised inauguration, they made an intentional point to broadcast the interracial couples. I mean, the camera was focused on this ninja and his 2520 girl for a good couple of minutes without cutting way. It was more than obvious.
I'm with the whole "love who you love" tip. But, and this is a big, but, I am aware of the societal factors in interracial dating as far as "preference" goes. That it ain't this black and white deal where "that's who I like" goes for everyone in regards to going down 2520 YT Street. It's certainly deeper than that.
Also, as far as our President goes, and I've brought this up many of times in convo (and should in my blog), but I believe that it would've been a different election (hell, primary season) if Barack married a white woman.
Okay Tam, I will concede that point. Lots of folks do tend to identify with the race they tend to look most like and with those they had the most exposure to.
But in my experience MOST mixed race kids are raised by/around their non-black side of the family, and eventually choose partners who are not black either. Part of the reason Barak is such an anomaly is that he is mixed and chose to identify with the oppressed race as opposed to choosing a white woman.
I really don't see why some black women have a problem with seeing a black man date a white woman. Unless you're trying to get with dude then why is an issue. If I saw a black woman dating a white man, I wouldn't think twice about it (unless I wanted her). Then I would start to question motives behind dating outside her race.
I don't see a problem with interracial dating. I've never done it myself and I don't see myself doing anytime in my forseeable feature. I'm a second generation Nigerian and I used to remember my mom telling me that not only did she not want me date outside my race but she wanted me to marry a Nigerian. She might have gotten the first but she definetly won't be getting the second.
Obama's father was African and married a white woman. I could only imagine the hatred they faced in that particular time period. This is 2009 and I would like to think people are tolerant enough to allow people to love who they want to love.
"…does this change the animosity towards Black men that go the other way?"
I don't think it will. Although I don't do a double take (that's just childish), I do make a mental note when I see mixed race couples. Namely because most of my friends are with black men so it is a bit out-of-the-ordinary to me. And I must admit that I prefer black men because in my past experiences they prefer me. However I wouldn't say I harbor any animosity about black men being with white women (especially when it's a brother I know I'd never date.) But I can understand why some black women do.
Although things are changing, let's not forget that the black-is-beautiful mentality only recently (last 20-30 years) made it to mainstream society. Despite the delay, black women rarely suffered with the self-esteem issues many of our white counterparts did. In large part because our men, black men, loved our lips, and hips and everything else. We had our own measure of beauty.
Now when you (in the generic sense of the word) see a black man with a white woman you have to ask yourself, "Is that what black men want nowadays?" Although the question is rhetorical it is no less self-depreciating. So, while I don't agree that a sista should give an interracial couple the gas face. I can understand her uneasiness about the situation.
"…black women need to branch out more and date outside of their “race” more often."
Are you suggesting that we actively seek out other races? I attended a PWI and have worked with a variety of races. I simply wasn't to their liking apparently because none of them ever asked me out. And while I don't have a problem with that I would like to make a point that many men of other races don't approach black women. I am sure there are exceptions, and of course things are changing everyday. But the reality is that many of them lack the confidence (read:swagger) to talk to us. That pretty much kills any chance for us to have a relationship.
As a final thought (sorry I keep writing these long a$$ comments) I respect any man who sincerely loves his woman. If you are a black man with a white woman you love then it shouldn't matter what people are saying.
@ Ms. Hall
No, I wasn't suggesting that black women actively seek out other races, I'm just suggesting that they be open to it. But, as I stated before, my comments are based on my experiences and almost all of my black female friends won't even consider dating someone who isn't black so that's where that is coming from.
And I agree with your comment that many men of other races (esp white) don't approach black women, which is the main reason I've never dated anything other than black men.
….I simply wasn’t to their liking apparently because none of them ever asked me out.
I find black men like white woman for their submissiveness, their slim figure, and their long hair. But men from other races aren't exactly attracted to us black woman. I completely agree with this. And if so they only want to nut on us and keep it moving. Alot of white men don't have respect for black woman so it's hard to date outside of our race.
"And if so they only want to nut on us and keep it moving. Alot of white men don’t have respect for black woman so it’s hard to date outside of our race."
Now I have to disagree with that. The older I get the more common I see it becoming. I actively date men from different ethnicities, and am open to marrying a man outside of my race, as long as its a man of color.
I think alot of black women THINK other men arent checking for us, but they are. And they think we're beautiful, and they DO respect us. (Have you seen how tough some of us can be? We demand respect!) They just dont know how to approach sometimes because we can be so hard.
I'm glad you've said that an realize that.
Not to be the jagged pill or anything, but I see a lot of trendy nonsense happening on the strength of movies like "Trying Something New." For instance, I see personal ads appearing in various places with that very title and usually it is an overweight black woman (optionally with kids) that is looking for a white/latino male. When I talk to most white dudes, they are looking for a size 0-6, with "a smokin hot body," somewhat submissive and high sexual energy. When I do see white men with black women, the woman is usually very attractive for some reason.
It's interesting how Obama's campaign, and now presidency, brings up all these cultural subtleties that we try to ignore. I have heard all kinds of things since Tuesday, most notably that the "Black Card" is no longer available for use because we have a black president … whatever.
As an individual, the fact that President Obama has a white mother does not make me care more or less about black men dating white women. Nor do I think that he had a magic wand and magically made racism disappear with his presidency. The first black president is a great stride in our country (and the world) but it hasn't drastically changed my views on life.
Many valid points have been made. If you genuinely love someone go for it. But as a black man in America there are things you will be faced with that a white woman can't truly understand. They can listen and be sympathetic but they do not understand. My homeboy who is dating a white woman was pulled over by cops was pulled out the car and was searched. He told his woman about it and she thought "it was routine procedure". Who did he call when his girl couldn't understand? The brown sugar women in his life.
Perhaps I have this perspective bc the black guys I know that have and are dating white women have given reasons such as: they know when to shut up, i love long hair,i wanted to see what its like, i was tryna make sistas notice me. These are all ridiculous.
I don't really care who people date. Both of my parents are a bunch of stuff so, I can't really care. Simultaneously, I love dark complected men. Love them. I typically date men darker than me – however, that isn't hard. So… Saying all that to say: they say in 3000 we will all be the same color anyway.
If you want to date a white girl, date a white girl.
I'm a big proponent of black on black love (black in any of its varying mixtures). I especially feel that way when it comes to fine, educated, accomplished black men and the women they choose to date and marry. In an ideal world, we shouldn't care about who anybody else is dating or marrying, but it's not an ideal world.
I am married to one of those choice black men, but it still bothers me when I see black men marrying and dating out because so many black women are not married. That's why I "care." I would like to see black women with marriage rates as high as other people and only b/c I strongly believe that marriage and a strong family unit are vital to our success as a people.
And don't get me wrong … I have enough home training to not be ignorant when I see IR couples, which is really where lines get crossed sometimes. At the end of the day people are free to marry and date whomever they wish, but I will trumpet and celebrate black love when I see it. And I am very happy we have a shining example of it in the First Family!
Black men and black women DO NOT own each other. Black women and black men can and should date/marry anybody they want.
Maybe cuz I am a dude that I need to re arrange how I see this. I dont care about the RACE of the man a black women sleeps. Its his character. As of now a black chick I was cool with in high school is prego with a married mans child…shes 30 yrs old and this is her first kid. She waited this long to be a stereotype. Yes Married Man is black. She is like the 10th or so "older" re: mature black chick I know who is REGRESSING with black men and worst having their babies. That, not IR dating what pisses me off. And all these men fit a pattern. He has enough "stuff" to convince the women he has some level of stability.
Sometime we overrate our own just cuz they are of us but bullshit is bullshit. I am not for dead relationships constructed on faux identities (he was never a thug or ex-thug or any kind of thug at all he was just a dude in college, and She's no diva or Coretta Scott King to be-just cutie wit a booty and a MBA) that at best are trophy couples but its "real" cuz we both black. Really as black women shouldnt yall be angry at your a-holes friends (the black ones male and females) who make dumb relationship choices that do make it harder for the official black male or female to be recognized. After all if you and your friends have dated the thugs, then players, then the diva dudes and DL cats how would you know that you just met "Barack"?
lol @ Tunde. Why you hatin' on Nigerian sistas? Hmph.