Home Guest Post The Young Misogynist

The Young Misogynist

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This appeared as a comment from the Black Critic a few days ago on a post about Misogyny. Here I have decided to just repost his comment … the story of a young man … who just has a very “interesting” view on women.  This is the short version … he has expanded and added on his own site … so check it out … but I didn’t want to repost the same stuff.  I was moved when I read it … and how he ends it … sh*******t … made me contemplate life.  Cause I don’t want to be no other man’s joke … but I want to be some woman’s king … what’s a guy to do?
-SBM

I’m fairly new to this community, and I am still catching up on past post, so I am not certain how brutally honest and straight up topics are dealt with here.  But I have a question that I have been grappling with for years, and would love the insight from various perspectives before I commit myself to writing my own post.  It’s real talk, so I’m hoping the females don’t take offense to me admitting my ignorance out the gate.

I grew up in a world where running “trains” on females was a rite of passage almost.  If you hadn’t done it at least once by the time you were twelve, you could lose your street cred and claims to “manhood.”  It was a way of life, and I went along with it as a willing participant just as everyone else did.



By the time I was 16, “macking” females wasn’t just a street ritual, it was virtually a religion–to get caught using the “L-word” was considered worst than snitching or getting shot.  We had to be tough, we had to always be perceived as gangsters at all cost.

I eventually escaped that world, but I’m not sure how much I’ve actually changed–mindset wise.  Like SBM said, if you ask me whether or not I “hate” women, my instinctive response would be a “No!  No Way!”  I’d quickly argue that I’ve never hit a woman (but that would be a lame excuse since I ended up learning how to manipulate the mind enough that I do more damage emotionally than anything the average brute does physically.) I would probably argue that virtually every female thinks highly of me if you asked her–but that’s no real reflection on how I view them.

See Also:  Ugly Girl Swag (Guest Post by NC-17)

For the past three years, my homeboys and I have only dated married women and women in committed relationships–without exception.  In many ways, we have become masters of seduction; it only takes us a few minutes in the company of a seemingly happy couple to devise the best method to “get our foot in the door.”

Here is the problem.  I admit that it’s quite possible that I am a misogynistic black man.  I would love to improve myself in whatever way I can.  But I’m no fool.  Over half the women we seduce are married to the very same men who “love and respect and cherish” sisters like absolute queens.

Because I see the “ugly” side of relationships that people in La La Land pretend don’t exist (they act as though 50% divorce rate is a made up number), it makes me hesitant to fall into the footsteps of the “good” guys folks keep putting on pedestals. It’s the “good” guy’s wives we steal away in the afternoon or between her lunch breaks.

I know a lot of females may use the “she was just a tramp” defense, but that argument isn’t based on reality.  All I can do is testify on behalf of myself and my peeps, and say, as honestly as possible, that the moment we hear a married woman say “I would never cheat on my husband/boyfriend” we zero in on her with the focus of a chemist until we have devised a way to seduce her.  7 out of ten times we figure out a way, even if it takes months.

We are hoodlums who go to church instead of clubs because it’s easier to seduce the women there–i know it’s Fucked up, but I’m just being honest.  I have a homeboy who teaches Bible study for kids because we noticed how “innocently” it allowed us to get introduced to the mothers.  We laugh to ourselves when the husbands invite us over for BBQ or some other family function, not realizing he is helping us advance our mission.

Yet, this is the problem.  To what advantage is it–if it’s true that I am misogynistic—to be a good, loving husband one day if I know–from deep personal experience–that the fate of those boring “good” guys is so secretly nasty?  If a lot of men are misogynistic–and i don’t dispute that–there are just as many females who are attracted to this behavior.  (I’m being real, I hope others can be also.)  If the silly, irresponsible, stupid, and misogynistic things we do didn’t actually work, we would be forced to change–as survival of the fittest and evolution would insure that we either stepped our games up or become 40 year old virgins.  The missing link in the misogynist conversation is the reality that it actually works–no matter how hard of a pill it may be to swallow.

See Also:  So That's Why I'm Still Single?!

Many–far too many–women fall for it.

Let me be clear:  It got to a point where my homeboys and I started making bets with each other.  We would place thousand dollar pool bounties on a deacon’s wife or some married principle or some random female we noticed with a wedding ring on.  All of us would contribute to the pot, and whoever seduced her first would win the money.  Women we would have never imagined as “cheaters” before, turned out to be the easiest ones to seduce.  Couples that looked so happy and loving and fulfilled, would be end up having an affair with one of us.

As we got more experience and our “game” got tighter, even church became too small of a playing field for us.  We started going to local NAACP meetings,attending seminars advertised in the local paper, actively seeking out events where we would find the most “challenging” married women.  We visited a nearby hospital one time because none of us had ever seduced a “doctor” so we made a bet on a married Asian woman for two grand. It took us almost a year to finally close the deal–but we did.

If we hate woman–and I won’t deny it, even though I don’t want to have to admit it yet without more evidence–then why is it that so many woman love us or at least cheat on the men who “truly love and cherish” them?  If we meet a woman and discovers that she is single or divorced, we leave her alone immediately.  It’s actually EASIER to seduce married women and females in committed relationships than it is single women–and we don’t have to deal will any of the extra drama–or responsibilities, to remain brutally honest–of single women.

See Also:  “I like the way you comb your hair and the stylish clothes you wear…”

Sorry this comment is so long.  I just wanted an “outside” opinion on this from my brothers and sisters before I finally write my post and hash out the demons and questions lurking inside of me.

(As for my mother–we have a great relationship and I love her to death.  I grew up as the “protector” in the family, as I was a banger before I left the streets–and as such, it was my responsibility to keep the family safe.  A guy would get smashed unmercifully for even looking at my sister wrong–mostly because I was afraid someone would try to do to her all the things I was doing to other women. I include this info because a lot of people seem to think the relationship a man has with his mother reveals his true opinion of women.)

So, finally, what’s the solution?  Do I become like the husbands we take wives from, or do continue down the path I’m on now–a young brother involved with a crew of hoodlums who chase married women for sport.  Both options suck–at least in my eyes.  (P.S. I know there are a lot of dude who may be too insecure to admit that it’s possible that their female would cheat on them.  All I can do is share my experience, and warn you that there is a good chance you wouldn’t even know if she was—I have homeboys who have pretended to be gay for months in her company to eventually seduce a female and win the thousand dollar bounty.)

So why would I want to be a “good” guy, if that’s the reward?

My solution, however impotent, has been to sometimes use my site as a resource for women to learn the game—from a bunch of cats who are actually in the game.  I hope to school women on many of the things “females” let us get away with, and how to spot our con out the gate.

I don’t want to see myself as a brother who hates women—and I do a lot to counterbalance my past.  But I don’t want to be that other fool either: a husband who loves and cherishes and respects and honors and appreciates and adores a wife he has no idea is cheating on him–with a young cat only a handful of years from being a teenager.

Comment(70)

  1. whoa. this was a great post (great as in interesting lol) i do appreciate his honesty but that doesn't mean i'm not bout to tear it apart lol:

    off top i have to say i find this guys behavior and mindset more pathetic than disgusting. if you are still counting skins past your teenage years…waging bets…doing any and everything to get laid…that's laughable. as cornell said "we must stop living our lives seeking to orgasm" (something like that – i swear he said it lol). if all your relationships with women are based on control and domination…what are you doing with your life? that REEKS of insecurity in so many ways. perhaps consider dating a man since you might respect them more?

    people will cheat. men and women – that's a given. because you are able to prove that time and time again means … pretty much nothing. so why be a "good" guy? i can't honestly give you my encouragement to become one. i think men that behave like that for a long period of time are unable to be truly reformed – mentally they are still kind of animalistic in that way. but, if your reasoning for not trying to become one is simply that the good guy loses…you miss 100% of the shots you don't take (forgive the cheesy-ness), and that mindset also reeks of fear. lol. you can't turn a hoe into a husband.

    adding everything up so far we have: pathetic, laughable, insecure, fearful…

    am i being harsh? missing the point?

  2. wow indeed. Marriage is tough, women (and men) get lonely inside of committed relationship. Why they choose to cheat is probably more about attention than anything else. And attention is what you are choosing to give.

    I cannot believe that you actually spent a year trying to seduce someone just to prove you could. This isn't a "win" it's hardly a challenge. People are emotional creatures. Catch them at the right time and it might only take 5 minutes.

    If this same story were coming from me, it would be laughable, and I would be a ho.

    Maybe you don't hate women, but you don't respect them. That's someone else's sister, someone else's daughter, someone else's wife. Maybe you should be a mentor to young boys and girls and teach them a better way. If you can't fix yourself… maybe you can help someone else.

    As for being a good husband someday… Maybe, but I doubt it. You would either get bored from the lack of challenge or you would be such a controlling ass (trying to make sure you didn't get played) she will leave you for a normal guy.

    The only person I can see you falling for is the one you never win.

  3. wow!!!

    good post !

    if u have the want and the will to change then that will occur.

    but I can understand why your jaded and feeling as if u would never want to be with one person. but don't u grow tired of all the different women.

  4. I hate to burst your bubble and that of your friends who make those silly bets, but the women y'all were able to bed, wanted to be bed. Most women don't do something they didn't want to do in the first place (unless they are forced to do it).

    You all are no longer teens. When you become a man, put away those childish things.

    I think you still have the potential to be a good husband…but your mindset has to change first. Change your mindset and anything is possible.

  5. I'm not in the business of telling people how to live their lives. So I won't try to tell you which you should be; the player or the good guy. However I will point out that if you were so happy with your current lifestyle then you wouldn't be asking us for advice. Just a thought.

    As a respectable woman I can't advocate the player. But I don't think you'd fare well as a good guy. You would be consumed by insecurity and the nagging feeling that your woman was cheating on you. Not only because you've seen happily married women cheat but because you have surrounded yourself with male friends who think as you do now. They'd most likely try to pull the same stunt on you as you have on so many unsuspecting good guys.

    If you do decide to go the way of the good guy I'd suggest taking a year-long sabbatical from the dating scene. Possibly at a monastery. You'll need the time to change your ways and change your friends. You will never be able to turn over a new leaf if you remain in present company.

    …I'm sorry. I really don't know what to tell you.

  6. Great post. Very honest, I appreciate and respect that.

    But I can't respect that idea that he sees women as just a sport – something to be won before the guys get to it, something to be competitive over.

    I hope the author grows to the point where he sees the value in a committed relationship with the right woman, and that he meets the right one.

  7. Wow, wow, wow!

    Let's be clear about all of this, you fucked these women because they wanted you to. Almost everyone cheats, it's just a personal preference of who they decide to cheat with.

    I think you wanting to have your site be used as a resource for women to learn the game, spot the con, don't play the fool, etc is quite a noble idea, but ALL of the dirt that you do or have done will be reciprocated to you many times over.

    You are making a conscious effort to violate the bond of marriage between a man and (in some cases, a seemingly happy) woman. Man, I feel sorry for you, because God don't like ugly. And if you don't believe in God, Karma is a BITCH, and that hoe Goldie (the Golden Rule, that is) is her friend. Long story short, they are going to eat your bitch ass alive. I actually kind of feel sorry for you because your actions and deliberate behavior warrants such an equally detrimental opposite.

  8. This is all too familiar. I don’t know who dude is but he sounds just like my brothers! I completely understand where he is coming from, but believe it or not, the married women you and your boys play out… are weak. I believe all women give off a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi’ unknowingly that attracts a certain type of man. Although you said it became a “sport” im sure yall could sense which married women to play with, and which not to. My advice is for dude to really figure out who he is. Do you want to be sleeping with random married women for the rest of your life? Or do you want to have a family of your own some day?? It’s important for men to recognize the difference between a weak, and a strong women. Like they say “real recognize real” so you can only spot it if you lookin familiar.

  9. PS. To the women

    Don’t tear dude apart, he's reaching out! Lets not be judgmental. At least he recognizes the error in his ways, he's no longer ignorant to his distructive behavior, and thats step 1. But I must say I do agree with dream girl to some extent. What goes around does come back around, but not necessarily in the exact same way thanks to God’s grace and mercy. Dude just needs to know that he will have to face the consequences of his actions, just like anybody else.

  10. First, let me say to the brother that wrote this that you’ll have to get the opinion from other men. 95% of women are just too emotional to put their feelings aside and respond in a substantive manner. Instead of answering the questions, they will give you ad hominem responses and lecture you on your behavior. That’s not an insult to women by any means, it’s just the way they are. I’m sure there are several women that got disturbed reading what I just wrote.

    The question you posed is should you be a good guy and risk getting cheated on, or be, as Chris Rock said, the “old man in the club.” The real question is what do you want. You can’t be the faithful boyfriend/husband if you aren’t ready to give up the other women. You have to be ready to give your all to one woman before you can. We both know it’s not about having other women that most aggressive men pursue, it’s the chase. Once you sleep with them, the thrill, for the most part, is gone. So if you want to be a one-woman man, you have to decide to give up the chase, because monogamy isn’t about excitement and passion, it’s about stability. One of my best friends articulated this in the most simplistic yet profound way: for men, when it comes to marriage, you have to realize it’s not about you. Until you make the decision to want to settle down, don’t. You’ll only be doing your girlfriend/fiancé/wife a disservice.

    As far as being the good guy and getting cheated on, all I can say is step your game up. You obviously have played the game and know most of the tricks of the trade. You should see the advances other men are making on your significant other from a mile away and be able to respond accordingly. It’s one thing to have a fling with several women; some women are just looking for a little excitement and a change of pace anyway. Now ask yourself if you have enough game to make one woman love you unconditionally and faithfully. Getting in a woman’s panties is one thing, winning her heart is another.

  11. @ Ziggy

    I'm glad you see it.

    In order to try and maintain a sliver of my humanity, I will not expound upon this, instead let you all soak it in, get mad, or whatever. Lots of men think like this. Even if they aren't chronic marriage wreckers, they are perpetually thinking of the conquest. I hate to say it but, a lot of ladies encourage this so the cycle will always continue. I could talk offline about this all day, but then that would be a crash course in black male socialization, which would deserve a column of it's own.

  12. *stunned* but not REALLY surprised.

    I agree with what many of the other ladies said, you can't truly seduce a woman unless she wants you to. It's not like you tricked her into forgetting all about her vows with all of your smooth talking.

    I wish I had a solution for you but I don't. Good luck with whatever is decided.

  13. There is no right or wrong answer as to how you should live ya life. but if you say "why should you settle down if the girl is gonna cheat?" then that is the wrong way to look at it, you cant control the actions of others….

  14. Allow me to be clear: People can be "offended" by our reality, and even call us names like "immature" and "childish" all day, but here is the scoop: IT WORKS.

    Sometimes, a female saying "I've never cheated" is the same thing as someone saying "I've never been robbed" or "I've never been in a car accident." I has nothing at all to do with being morally superior to every other human being who has cheated, (or been robbed or in an accident), it just means you haven't been caught in the right situation with the right guy who knows exactly what he is doing. That goofy guy from work who tries to "seduce" you, isn't a real temptation–dude has no clue what he's doing.

    This often reminds me of the way people react when they hear about kids in who tote fire arms and get teardrop tattoos for murders. Folks on the sidelines yell out "that a shame" then head over to starbucks. But that has no impact on reality. It's true—and knock on wood if you haven't come face to face with it yet.

    Like Redman (I think) once said, "I'll be that." Whatever names you call me. But pause a moment and finally ask yourself a a better question: Why does it work?

  15. Wow! What a story. I had to come out of comment-retirement on this one.

    I can't completely condemn that actions of this brother as it takes two to tango. However, his comments about good guys knaws at my conscience. I, too, feel like a budding mysoginst. I don't wreck homes or apartments. However, I feel like I am losing some respect for women and commitment. I get what I want when I am a bad boy…I lose when I try to be good.

    Marriage is becoming futile in my mind. Why should I "settle down" for a woman who will just try to do what she wants…whether that be conquer the world or go out and cheat on a good man with a bad boy?

    The female commenters are railing against the poster…what about the women. Do we not recognize that post women's lib ladies are more likely to step out to get what they want? What impact has women's lib had on the divorce rate?

  16. @ Artic Pimp

    "However, I feel like I am losing some respect for women and commitment. I get what I want when I am a bad boy…I lose when I try to be good."

    Say it again, louder.

  17. @ TBC, the reason why "it" works has nothing to do with you or even your tactics, it comes down to the reason why people get married i think the majority of people get married for the wrong reasons(especially women), and after awhile it gets stale. sure people talk about the "sanctity of marriage" but its really only a theory and takes alot of hard work to uphold it. like the commentator said above, it takes a whole new mind state to enter marriage, and most people arent able or willing to recognize that…

  18. I don't want to "over-post" in the comment section, but allow me to tackle one delusional aspect of this topic that far too many women use, at least from our experience: The "weak" women excuse. A female will say that "only weak women" cheat because it makes her feel morally superior since she hasn't been "seduced" yet. I can testify that this is not the case at all. In fact, I don't question the strength of your mentality as much as I question the skill and dedication of your past "seducers." All temptation isn't equal, and every guy who approaches a married woman isn't on the same level. This means, quite frankly, that just because you were able to turn down the advances of a sloppy "John Doe" has no bearing on someone who knows what he is doing.

    Thinking that other women are "weak" allows you to maintain a false sense of security, as it allows you to think that every guy will come at you with recognized game and advances the way your clumsy co-worker does. Sisters, this is not true. Some guys are able to spin webs so elaborate–because we dedicate our whole lives to it–that you sometimes don't realize what's actually happening until you are mentally and emotionally trapped; (we don't concern ourselves with the physical until later, almost as an afterthought.)

    I'm merely saying that it's dangerous to play the "she's weak" game with yourselves. We hear it all the time. It helps us achieve our goals, not hurt us, because these women have a delusional sense of defense and a false sense of security. She thinks it would never happen to her because she is so "strong minded," that is, until it happens to her.

    Let me end this by dropping something for the brothers which may sound contradictory, but it's true, from our personal experience: The hardest female to seduce is usually a female who has cheated in the past. We rarely waste time with women who have cheated in the past–and regretted it–because they know their vulnerabilities and go out their way to make certain they don't go down that path again. A female who has never cheated, has no clue where her true vulnerable spots are–until we find it.

  19. This post is all too familiar. I grew up around guys that did and still do (my uncle included) the same bullshit that TBC and his BOYS (emphasis on boys). True your boy behavior may work but how long do you think this will be gratifying for you? You and your boys sound like you have entirely too much time on your hands. The guys I know that still count numbers and bet on who can get the poon tang first do not have careeers, hobbies, no real goals or ambitions of their own. They grew up in the hood and are surprised they made it past 21. Therefore, they never made any real plans for life and are doing what the hood deems appropriate until they kick the bucket.

    I can see why you have lost respect for women bc of the types you've encountered. However, there are good strong (morally and emotionally) women out there that would not fall prey to your tricks. How about you and your boys start a program in the hood for young boys, develop hobbies, find something to invest in, go back to school. You guys sound like you have too much free time on your hands. Get off the "it works" crap. It's time to grow up.

  20. @TBC
    My opinion of a women who cheats on her husband is that she is weak…. Cause she is, and it’s not a delusion or excuse, it’s the truth. Same applies for a man who cheats on his wife, these individuals are weak for allowing an outsider to interrupt their marriage.. As far as im concerned a persons word is their bond, and when you recite those vows before God, you are forever bonded by those words. Anyone who ALLOWS someone to come into their life, manipulate, and rearrange things in a negative way (especially when you put your family on the line), is a weak person. Not to say that a lesson can’t be learned from the mistake. A person can definitely learn, become stronger, wiser, and use their experience as testimony.

    “She thinks it would never happen to her because she is so “strong minded,” that is, until it happens to her.”
    Please understand the one gift and curse God has given us is FREE WILL. Weak or strong, you have the ability to make choices in life. If a women or man willingly cheats on their husband/wife it’s because they made that choice. It has nothing to do with, as you put it “someone spinning webs so elaborate you dedicate your whole life to it then you don’t realize what’s actually happening until you are mentally and emotionally trapped.” That’s a delusion, and an excuse. It’s your mind no one can control it unless you allow them to. Lets keep it real.

  21. @Ziggy
    To be frank, there is nothing I can say if you "believe," in some religious, faith-based way (meaning, without evidence)that only "weak" women cheat. In a conversation like that, facts and evidence don't matter. It becomes a catch-22. You could point out a bunch of females that you call "strong," then once we seduce them, you get to forever claim, "well, they were weak." It's a never ending cycle. Because you get to "pick-and-choose" without facts or evidence whom you classify as "strong" and "weak."

    All I can do is share with you, based on the experience of several brothers who have become very good at what they do, that the facts are not in agreement with your argument. We got to a point where we only sought out the most "challenging" females, the women who you would have called "strong-minded" yesterday, you get to call "weak minded" today because they got seduced.

    It's a circular argument that you will always win because you are allowed to forever change who is considered "strong" and "weak" based on the results. (If we had exposure to a nun, I know my collection of misfits enough to know that we would have placed a bounty on her as well. But had we done so, and succeeded, your tendency to ignore evidence would allow you to call her "weak" as well. I guess based on that definition, every human being is "weak.")

    Lastly, there is a flaw in your understanding of a "real" seduction. I think the problem may be that you have never experienced a true seduction. You seem to think, based on your comment, that women can always "see" the seduction coming. That is not true at all.

    All I can do is explain to you, from personal experience, that some guys are able to spin a web of deception so deftly that she ends up trapped in temptation and overwhelmed by emotions and mentally seduced well before she realizes what has happened or how it happened. There was a time when we used to come at females with signs on our foreheads telling the world what we were really after. That changed once we gained experience. Now, she wouldn't know our real intentions until it's too late.

    Yes, everyone has free will. But what you fail to factor in your comment is this–everyone is also imperfect. We became masters at finding and manipulating those imperfections.

  22. After reading all the comments … I will say a few things ..

    – I do believe TBC has been able to "break" some women … and not all the women that are cheaters are "weak". Sean Connery said it best … "A woman's prerogative is to make up her mind … a man's is to change it." Fact of the matter is … women can be convinced to do things they didn't plan or want to do … hell … anyone can. Its juman nature.
    – The overall concept of misogyny is just a big "issue". Like Anti Dater said … certain things that happen in life can make us just lose respect for woman as a whole. I went through it … and I see other go through it at all times.
    – Wow @ The Dream Girl … but she has a point. Kharma is a motherf***er
    – Hugh is right. Generally speaking, the entire female opinion is "you ol' b***c a** n*****" … and its always gonna be highly emotional and subjective. Its just how ya'll thing compared to how we think …

  23. @TBC

    On the topic of the post….can you change? Only if you want to. I don't judge. If you want to keep pimpin to the ripe old age of 70-somethin…be my guest. I'd prefer not to go that route.

    However, if you want to be the best good guy the world has ever seen – you will have to learn a new game with different moves and motivations. I believe you can swing it brother.

  24. Okay last comment….promise
    My religious, faith-based belief in God is how I live my life, its what I choose b/c God has been too good to me for me to deny him. Its cool if you dont agree with it, time will teach you. Its what all my previous comments are based on, and I wish you happiness in your decision, whateva it may be. God Bless you Brotha =)

  25. @Arctic Pimp

    It didn't take long before the question I was asking mutated from "can I seduce her?" to "how can I have a serious relationship without her cheating?" It would take a whole series of posts to break down all the lessons I've learned personally, and the lessons learned by my comrades. The thing is, we are still in that transition mode, still trying to figure out–to the best of our ability–what road to take from here on out. We are light that guy who has been smoking for twenty years, decides to stop, but has only been smoke free for three days. There is still uncertainty over here, still a seesaw going on.

    I've learned that women who know themselves–truly know themselves, their strengths and their weaknesses–are more difficult, if only because they are honest enough to admit to themselves when they "secretly" find a guy attractive, and take matters to limit exposure. I've learned that women who have cheated in the past on a man they deeply loved–and sincerely regretted–are virtually impossible to corner into a "seductive" situation, because they tend to avoid us like the plague once they discover that they actually like us and are attracted to us. I've also learned the importance of honesty–a female who tells her man everything (EVERYTHING) is hard to seduce, because he ends up knowing everything we do and say and propose, and men have a secret radar that goes off; which means we can only find success if we "con" him into believing we are "innocent" too, which is much harder, much much harder.

    Does this mean I should look for "a woman who knows herself inside and out" and a woman who "has cheated on a loved one before" and a woman who isn't secretive and can "tell her man everything, absolutely everything?" I don't know. I'm still grappling with it all, still young enough to not feel threatened because I don't have all the answers.

    All I know for certain is that the females who say "I will never cheat" are no different than the hoodlums who say "I will never snitch"–yea, right, until they get him trapped down in the interview room and start dangling consecutive life sentences in your face, it's easy to "say." The same applies to the post. Until you have been down that road–with someone who knows exactly what he is doing–you have no idea what you will do…none at all.

    I guess the answer to your question is: I don't know yet. I see the "ugliness" of both sides, and neither one seems that appealing to me anymore. Honestly, I think I'm hoping to find another "option."

    We have seduced females from some very "good" and outstanding men who were great fathers and excellent providers and very successful in their careers. Can you imagine, if only for a moment, how scary that is? I don't want to be like that–even though DreamGirl predicted that Karma will come back and bite me.

    So I'm hoping for the coward way out I guess–I want to change, without the consequences or the risks or my past coming back to bite me.

  26. @TBC and all them other SBM-ites

    Brotha, what you are talking about is the great Abyss of Uncertainty. You know the road you are going down cause it's familiar – but that other path…who knows?

    I've been there – hell I am there. It's so easy for me to "lay chicks down" as f*ck buddies and friends with benefits. They say they want more…get pissed off…then leave…then they come back. It's a wonderful cycle. The. shit. gets. old. quick.

    I am getting closer to 30. I don't want to "play" forever. Yet, I need to stop recycling chicks and maybe pick one. Its hard to pick one for the fear of 1) missing out on other p*ssy, 2) missing out on a better woman, 3) picking the wrong woman, or getting screwed.

    I used to think that I met all the wrong women. In reality, I just considered all the good girls boring. At the end of the day, I just need to layeth my icy cold pimp hand on Fear.

  27. @Artic Pimp

    I actually feel where you are coming from. It's real talk.

    I have one question though, as it relates to the idea (and goal) of revealing the "game" to other sisters so they won't continue to fall blindly for many of the tactics we use. I know for a fact that my little sister, as well as the sisters of my homeboys, are virtually game proof. We schooled our kid sisters from birth on how to recognize game–even allowing her to sometimes make mistakes so she could see how right we were on some guys. Now, a guy has to come correct or he gets no where with our sisters.

    This is one of the reasons I allowed myself to believe that exposing the dark and ugly side of the "game" would be beneficial. I've been to book signings by female authors who talk about the subjects openly and in detail, but the moment I steal a private moment with them, too many end up falling for the same things they warn about–mostly because they had never seen "the bullshit" wrapped in the package we deliver it in. This lead me, personally, to wonder if we needed to do with the masses, exactly what my homeboys and I did to our sisters–break down the game to them in clear, simple terms.

    The sad–and dangerous–part in all of this is that many sisters are not willing to be honest with themselves and others. They think they are "wiser" and "hipper" than they actually. We exist, we are not figments of someone's imagination–and I'm sure thousands of other guys are out here even more advanced than we are. Chalking it off as only a "weak woman disease" or dismissing it because you haven't personally encountered a real seduction yet, seems backwards in many ways–sweeping issues that are uncomfortable under the rug doesn't make them go away, from HIV/AIDS to misogynistic males.

    Simply put, do you see a more effective way of trying to combat this problem? Because to be raw, many sisters have no clue when it comes to real game. They think homeboy at the club offering to buy free drinks for ten minutes of convo is game. But there is a whole "nother" ball game being played out here, and the dudes I deal with don't "pay for play."

    At some point, I was hoping that breaking down the game would help more sisters become better at recognizing and understanding that it comes in different variations, and how to spot the ones we are personally aware of.

    But like I said. I don't know. I'm merely trying to help—in the only way I know how so far.

  28. The Game is meant to be sold not told. Write a book. Be a good man. Teach your children and the young folks in your community to be good men and women.

  29. Very good read, disturbing, but good.
    At what point did evolution start going backwards? Here's a wooden club. Just drag the women to your cave and club them, it will go a lot quicker.

  30. This wasn't flashing news. He is basically talking about what many WOMEN have been doing since forever. Specifically seeking out married men. It's the love of the chase, all the benefits with no strings attached. Same story, different sex.

  31. "@nicki: let’s go do our school work…its a bit much for me over here today..lol"

    @akua: You ain't never lied! LOL… I'm just now getting power back, so it took me long to respond (this winter storm is KILLING us!)

  32. Great post! My dad told me about men like you. I honestly thought he was being extreme. Until I witness a few women I know fall into a similar trap. What you are saying is not far-fetched at all. Timing is definitely everything when dealing with matters of the heart. Life has a funny way of letting you eat your words, for those people who say they would never cheat, their mate would never cheat, or only 'WEAK' women fall into this trap. You never know where your experiences will take you. Be careful what you say.

    Some guys are able to spin webs so elaborate–because we dedicate our whole lives to it–that you sometimes don’t realize what’s actually happening until you are mentally and emotionally trapped; (we don’t concern ourselves with the physical until later, almost as an afterthought.)—VERY TRUE. I have literally heard friends(married/long-term relationships) say I never would have thought it would have gotten this deep. Knowing that the situation is wrong and aren't able to pull themselves out because they are TRAPPED.

    Yes you should put this information out there in RAW form for women to read.

    Do I become like the husbands we take wives from, or do continue down the path I’m on now–a young brother involved with a crew of hoodlums who chase married women for sport.—You have to decide if you could handle this lifestyle and live with wondering if she would do the same thing those other women did with you. Karma does exist!

    So why would I want to be a “good” guy, if that’s the reward?—The reward is saying, 'hey I no longer want to be this guy and CHANGE your ways' We can all change if we want to. It takes alot of effort and willpower and PRAY. If you want a different life it is up to you.

    But you are definitely playing a dangerous game sir. I would like to why do you enjoy doing this? Why is it such a game to you all? Have you ever wanted to stop and play it straight? Do you think you are addicted to this lifestyle?

  33. First of all, I commend you for being honest and putting it out there. Second, you are still young (under 30) which leads me to believe/hope you will mature, grow, find the answers you are looking for and become a “good” man one day. The game gets old and it get old quick. Third, if your game is a tight as you claim it is, then there should be no need for you to worry that your wife/woman will cheat. She won’t be so easily “seduced” by the charms of the bad boy because she will have everything she needs in you. Since you know that game and know who to play it well, that shouldn’t even be a concern.

    For the record, women are far from stupid. A woman can only be seduced if she wants to be seduced and she allows it to happen. Now, I will admit that there are sisters out there who haven’t been really seduced as you say and don’t know about the game. Good looking, slick talking brothers with swagger and a tight game, slinging big dicks, come a dime a dozen. Always have and always will. So breaking down the game for some of the women that don’t know may be a good idea. Turn that skill into a positive resource.

    If the game has you questioning, doubting and wondering, maybe it is time to get out of it.

  34. honestly, while reading, [i'm sure you may disagree], but you sound gay. a grown man betting on a woman who is obviously prey, with no emotional attachment. these women prove no threat because they don't come with the pressure of a potential commitment or responsibility. you seem to be afraid of the emotional piece because it may reveal some real insecurities that you have and that are quite apparent, to me…

    that whole pursue and conquer isht has been known to lead to [real] homosexuality. serious, when men in the public eye no longer perceive a challenge with the regular woman and need a bigger thrill, they then seek to overtake a man. gay. second, when your homeboys pretend to be gay in order to gain leverage. gay. third, how you have to keep telling us about ur relationship with ur mom/past homothug activities/family provider. gay. it all sounds sus.

    i think you should stop [intentionally] breaking up happy homes, affecting the lives of adults and children alike [because you have done some damage to a child, somewhere]… and stop considering you're own selfish thrills. before you could EVER consider being a woman's husband, you need thorough counseling [not to be mean or judgmental].

    and finally, if single women aren't enough thrill, just pursue a man [better yet, one of your homeboys] and get it over with. probably the best thrill you'll have…

  35. Umm, jenay's comment has prompted me to finally say sumthin'. That sh*t is reckless. Don't think I would've ever associated homosexuality with the actions him and the crew are displayin'. Although, acting gay for a while to secure the bunz from a woman…that's a bit out there. Don't know if I could trust a person like that even as a friend cuz it's like "what wouldn't this person do to get what they want?"

    This is all just very reckless.

  36. @hugh
    Your response was exceedingly deep on point. I will certainly take everything you noted into consideration in my long journey forward. Thank you.

    @IntheChi
    We actually have homegirls who do the exact same thing. I know females who have brand new cars and apartments and lucrative incomes just for being the secret, "other woman." Of course, folks love to call these women gold-diggers and other names, but at some point name calling has to be replaced with real solutions. Truth is, if strip clubs and call girl services and prostitutes depended ONLY on single folks, they would all be out of business in a week. You make a great observation actually. I hadn't really looked at it like that. Many folks hate uncomfortable truths.

    @AtMyTrueEssence
    I have to respectfully disagree with you when you wrote, "For the record, women are far from stupid. A woman can only be seduced if she wants to be seduced and she allows it to happen."

    You might have what we do confused with something else–and that's not seduction, that's called CONVINCING. Example: A female meets a guy. She finds him attractive. She kinda-sorta wants to get closer to him but she is waiting on the right vibes. They get in a situation alone, and she's still not sure. Part of her wants to, another part of her wants to wait, another part of her is still unsure, weighing the scales. The guy doesn't do anything stupid to kill the vibe, maybe even says a few things or does a few things that tips the scales and makes her finally decide to say "yes" and sleep with him.

    The guy didn't "seduce" her, he merely CONVINCED her to do something she was already contemplating doing all along. What we do is ABSOLUTELY different. We are not in the business of convincing. The women have no idea–at least at first–where we are taking things. Please don't confuse a guy "convincing" a female to do something she already wanted to do in the first place, with a guy orchestrating the environment, and the situation and the circumstances like a puppet master and eventually "seducing" a woman who had ABSOLUTELY NO ORIGINAL INTENTION of being intimate with us.

    The thought of "sleeping" with us never once crosses her mind–until we have manipulated the situation enough where it's now beneficial for her to entertain those thoughts. We don't want married women thinking about us sexually at first, we would rarely succeed if she did–as she would be aware of what's happening and become more inclined to "break the spell." We go out of our way to avoid having her think of us in that way–until we are ready for it.

    Convincing a woman is one thing–a lot of guys do it. Seducing a woman is something totally different. She has absolutely no intention of being intimate with us at first. Trust me, the two methods are not the same things.

    @jenay
    we are not an anomaly, and I'm fairly certain that you can find guys far more skilled than us in practically every state. If you think this is somehow small thing that only happens in the lives of a scattered few, I suggest you get out more. There are cats all over the country doing the same thing.

    Some of us have traveled all over the world as a result–I wouldn't have ever had a chance to see Egypt, Paris, Germany, London, etc if it wasn't for the gift (or curse) we learned to master. Just like some guys used their basketball talents or rapping to escape the hood, trust me when I tell you that there are others–both guys and gals–who have cultivated other "talents" to escape our environment. (As for your other comment, that's beneath a response from me. sorry.)

  37. @slimjackson…. exactly. do you have boundaries? how far will you go to conquer? to get the thrills? sounds very reckless, loose and haphazard… and people get hurt in the process. trust, my gaydar is ridiculous…

  38. @tbc… "I wouldn’t have ever had a chance to see Egypt, Paris, Germany, London, etc if it wasn’t for the gift (or curse) we learned to master" – the fact that you admittedly reveal this as an accomplishment is the saddest thing i've heard in a great while… how about using your pc [morally appropriate] gifts to escape the hood, as opposed to jovially demoralizing/using married women. it's not about what people allow you to do, let's take the high road here… and consider what is most appropriate for a mature man…

    although i know there are many guys [and women] like you that practice using 'your gift' to gain access to things, there are many ramifications that you aren't considering. i appreciate the honestly. however, my initial sentiments were of my blunt, gut reaction and perception. i still feel this way, but i apologize if i offended. the truth cuts.

  39. WOW!!!

    (Note: I was unable to read the responses of the fellow SBM fam, and will do so after I share my opinion…)

    Mr. Hoodlum in Professional Clothing,

    First, please tell me what "streets" you grew up in? Hoodlums I know don't place $1000 bets of getting women…

    Second, please tell my your friend who "pretended" to be gay lives in DC! How do you pretend to be gay? I have a gay friend who would love to confirm if he is an undercover brotha.

    Honey, you don't hate women…NO…you're just bored, boo boo. Those women you and your crew are seducing want the attention. Cheating is never right but perhaps their men were too tired saving up for a two week vacation on a warm island to remind their ladies that they were pretty. Perhaps you made that married woman feel good about her "self-esteem" to have a young boi find her attractive. I even had the "I still got it" smile on my face as the TSA gave me a compliment.

  40. Mr Hugh…Although I agree with the women's opinions, I was actually bored reading Mr. Hoodlum in Professional Clothing's comments.

    I do like your approach to be diplomatic with your advice.

    I also hate that stability has become a synonym for marriage. After I complete my "love and upgrade myself" plan, I can't wait to get married. I'm not expecting something easy but something to cherish…set an example for my children, and their children.

  41. @Jenay: Really … the gay card is just ludicrous. It like the last punch women pull when they can't say anything else, and I know I'm tired of hearing it. Whatever else you wanna say … I can feel you … this is some f***ed up stuff … but the man is obviously not gay. I will admit … the pretending to be gay for a year for a woman is a bit much.

    @The Woman: Why do you all think that these women are weak? Their not weak … they are being mislead, confused, and seduced. Its like saying every person who ever got manipulated in any way (work, school, husband) … did it willingly. Not true …

  42. No, I feel what Jenay is saying from a purely psychological standpoint.

    Some people are simply sexual deviants who are incapable of having a normal relationship with someone so they get their rocks off by engaging in high risk activities such as having emotionally detached sex with unavailable women.

    Point being, usually if someone is engaging in this kind of reckless behavior, then where does their boundary line lie? Could it be with men? Possibly. What happens when conquering women becomes not enough to fulfill your sexual appetite?

    Either way, someone earlier said it best: Therapy.

    Anyways, TBC, you aren't really talking about nothing new.

    Thank you for doing your part in the continued downfall of black relationships.

  43. There is one thing that keeps sticking out to me…..you and so man of the men in the comments section are honestly determining your actions and way of living based on what OTHER people are doing. This is childish! Like seriously, hit me and I'll hit you back shit. Sounds like pain that needs to be healed which may be why you have engaged in causing so much pain and destruction. We often experience things in our childhood that scar us and we have to work even in our adulthood to heal from these things. I would start by viewing the woman as human first and not as a object of sexual gratification. Then ask yourself if you think the "player" lifestyle of manipulation and lies is the way people SHOULD treat each other. Now let's consider the woman as the one who has been chosen to be the companion of man. Let's consider your mother or your sister. Now, what type of man would you prefer for them to have? One like you or the "good" guy? I think the choice becomes very clear. The strongest point I can make is that you NEVER base your principles and beliefs on how others treat you or how they live, that means they control you. Be a man and live for what you believe in, whatever that may be. To be a good guy requires much more than "surface" change. You have to truly change your perspective, how you look at life, how you look at women, how you look at sex or you will never make it. In honesty, this is why so many men who appear to be "good" guys really aren't because they just give the appearance but aren't really sold on the values and principles that go along with it. Thats another topic though. The choice is yours but do consider that you reap what you sow and if by chance you should one day decide to settle down and raise a family, you might wanna start sowing some good seed. Being 60 years old in a house alone, or going through the loss of loved ones alone, or even experiencing health concerns alone is NOT fun stuff. In the end how you chose to live is up to you I just hope you don't justify by using how other behave. BTW, I do appreciate your honesty, doesn't make what you did right :). I wish you the best on your quest!

    1. LOL…..I'm not sure if I can ever trust a man. EVER. Men are 'allowed' to get all their 'whoring' out before marriage. Woman are not unless they are comfy with getting a title….so no wonder some cheat when they get married….they never had a chance to get it out their system.

  44. @sbm – not obviously not gay. lol. "the gay card" is not a card at all. it's a reality. even among those who are in doubt. i think knappi extrapolates my sentiments, perfectly.

    @knappi – … and there it is. thank you.

  45. While there are a trillion things I could say about this post, I will just say this: Your boys are willing to pretend to be gay just to get at a married woman? I'm sorry but that takes the damn cake. Like really though. Gay? For months? That's OD, to say the least.

    All of this leads me to want to ask oodles of questions from a social psychological perspective, but I will refrain. If I had to guess, I would say that there are some serious self image and ego issues wrapped up all around the role you played going up, notwithstanding the relationship you had with your mother.

    I would love to be a fly on the wall when you were having an introspective conversation about your life to this point, and what you want out of it moving forward. I would imagine that this may get tired some day. Or maybe not. I hope you're safe hun. smh.

  46. I read some of the responses… and the whole "should I be a good guy and get played" or "should I keep being an A8s and get laid" is a tiresome argument.

    I don't speak for all women, only for myself. I agree with the other women about seducing a woman… b/c I don't believe in dudes have any jedi mind control over my actions. I let your words play around in my head and decided, I'm gonna go for it. IF I didn't want to hear it, I didn't.

    About you choosing which guy to be….who said that being a good guy automatically means you'll get played? Who said that the men these women were married to were in fact "good men"? Just b/c you may think he is, doesn't mean he is. Some would say..that you are a good dude when you yourself claim the opposite.

    If you're ok with your lifestyle as is, why question it? Why change it? Just keep on living it the way you've been living it.

  47. I've reread every comment again, this time with a few of my comrades in tow, in order to best sum it all up. Three things struck out at us, collectively.

    1.) We offer no defense to whatever name or insult or tag that has been placed on us so far. We accept it, and in most cases even agree. We are horrible for the things with have done. Check. No argument from us. (As for the "maybe I can rile them up by lashing out and calling them homosexuals" line of attack, that only works with dudes who are insecure with their manhood. That doesn't work with us, sorry.)

    2.) Once it's admitted that we have done some truly horrible things when it comes to seducing married women for the challenge or thrill, at some point, isn't it time to look at the "other side" of the coin? Too many females would rather ignore the other side–that way too many women are out here actively cheating on their "significant other." Tossing mud at us may earn you kudos with your girlfriends and allow you to get a temporary–"You Go Girl!"–moment, but it still doesn't deal with reality: women cheat as often as men do, far more craftily even, and the numbers are growing, not decreasing. Most guys–from our experience–have no idea their wives are cheating on them. This is reality. When you get finished with the insults and mud slinging and finger pointing, are you prepared to deal with that side of the coin as diligently as you have so far with our side? We'll see.

    3.) There is a saying that "game recognize game," and we have always believed that to be true. You can feel free to fact check anything we have said with someone who knows game, and we are certain they will vouch that everything we have said is true. Above, in a response to AtMyTrueEssence, I spelled out in cliff-note version the difference between a female being "convinced" into intimacy and a female truly being "seduced." If you doubt us, simply run it by any dude who knows what he is doing, and he can verify this reality. Most women have never experienced a true seduction, many times it was nothing more than a mutually tempting situation where you finally allowed yourself to be "convinced" by the dude. This is why so many females say, offhandedly, that only "weak" women cheat—they say this because they have never experienced a true seduction, one where you have no clue what's actually happening until it's basically too late. It would be like trying to explain what an orgasm feels like to a 40 year old woman who has never had one–it's something she has to truly experience herself to truly know, since every female body is different, with different mental shackles and restraints.

    I look forward to seeing if females have the guts to be brutally honest and tackle the "other" side of the coin. We accept full responsibility for our side. Unless we change–we ain't shit. Now can you be as real as we are, and admit that those happy, loving, cuddling, and cute couples you see holding hands in the park and whispering those endearing words of "I love you–forever" are just as much of a fraud as we are–because within a few weeks or a few months, she is in bed with us?

    How many females here have the guts to be honest about that side of the coin? We doubt it. But we'll see.

  48. @tbc… boy, boy, boy…

    on your 1st point: sweetie[s], no one is trying to "rile" you up,gas you, and/or get a rise out of you. these are real [and true] concerns that have nothing to do with the fact that i am a woman. revenge, or gettin back/or even with you and ur crew is not important. i don't know you. my homosexuality concern was not even an attack, but to make the world aware that this type of bafoonery exists and [in may cases] is typical of some homosexual tendencies. the fact that others have co-signed [with lay empirical backing] of how this phenom does exist [psychological perspectives, etc.] validates. the intention was to present a logical/relevant/serious concern in our culture…and you can take that how you like…

    2nd and 3rd points… the other side of the coin is irrelevant.. why, you say? u presented your initial argument based on the idea that you are confused regarding *which* person you want to be [the bad guy or the good one] and whether it is beneficial for you to become that good guy. based on this, your confessions and every remark concerning should surround your decisions, consequences, life, whatever. it has nothing to do with the women who you have "conquered"… these women CANNOT be generalized because PEOPLE [not just women] cheat for many different reasons that I am sure you are not prepared to extrapolate upon. these women are not always weak and yes, some of them are. but, the men who prey are definitely weak, by many standards. the fact that you are willing to give up so much time and effort to convince a woman to do such a devilish thing negates serious issues within you and your crew. and before you attempt to shift blame, scape goat or release your load upon your women victims, let's get some clarity. you are the culprit of all of your actions and whether or not these women take you up on any offer is their perogative [which you could never understand or change]. as i stated in a previous response, it's not about what others permit you to do, but your behaviors…*take home: your seduction techniques/swag/whatever is lame. you couldnt bust a grape in a fruit fight… much less convince a women to do something that she hasnt already considered somewhere down the line…

    finally, it is NOT your responsibility to expose fraud, scruff mcgruff. if a couple is happy or not, irrelevant to you. ironic that you're worried so much about fraud and you're promoting it. you lose, big guy. in the words of ye, you're worried about the WRONG things…you need to stop it now…

  49. Its so weird that 50 something comments have been posted and the obvious hasn’t been stated…

    This dude and his crew are a bunch of losers.

    I would love to know what these cats look like on paper. Not that personal accomplishments are the end all, be all of one’s character and capabilities but what else have they conquered but women. People are easy, you can step on someone’s shoe and ruin their damn day, cut them off in traffic and catch a bullet, so the simple fact that you changed someone’s mind or the dynamic in someone’s relationship aint shit.

    Answer me this. Have you conquered higher education? Are you a successful businessman or entrepreneur? What have you done other than lay pipe? Hell you was born with that, so what the fuck else are you good for?

    You and your crew probably still live with your moms or grandmoms, driving their cars or rides you copped with their co-sign. Ya’ll wear fits off the sale rack and all your shoes are on clearance. Four of ya’ll live in a 2 bedroom apartment with bunkbeds. Furniture from rent a center…pre-paid tract phones from Vons… No bank accounts since your overdrawn so they take 1% of your check at the payday advance spot. Are you still the weedman? Damn homie, In highschool you was the man homie, what the fuck happened to you?

    Most likely. Ya’ll fools work at UPS. Fuck outta here.

    I dont give you props for honesty. This is merely a confession of mediocrity. A realization of your lack there of. A cry for help, these lames need jobs is all. Ha, I’m not impressed.

    This is just a typical saturday night movie on the lifetime channel.

    You wanna shock and amaze me?

    Seduce your income into doubling boo. Seduce your portfolio into holding several real estate acquisitions and various high yield investments. Seduce your wardrobe to include purple lables and custom tailoring. Seduce your ride into being paid for homie. Seduce your looks and body structure into sustaining themselves through the years. Seduce that hairline into not leaning back. Seduce your mind into going to the next level. Babe, I could go on…

    The fact that you brag about traveling on a women’s dime lets me further know, just how lame you and your crew are.

    The only true accomplishment is the mastering and conquering of thyself.

    I didn’t want to use this word, but all I can say is…

    NIGGA PLEASE

  50. @ Jenay…

    I agree with you on the homosexual tip.. You aren’t alone on that tip. Mysogyny and homosexuality have often been linked. And men who have “power” and conquer women often get bored and chase a different type of thrill. I know of man who is like this… And he baggin men right now…

    @TBC

    Are you happy? If so why change.

  51. How you gonna say the real issue here is that woman cheat alot and then claim your magical seduction tactics MAKE them cheat.

    So they kinda wouldnt be cheating alot if dudes like you didnt make them right?

    You sound stupid.

    Get your young ass outta here.

    Thats the last I have to say about that.

  52. ps. never say “game recognize game” again. no empirical evidence supporting your relation to this cliche… lmmfao….

  53. @ TBC

    How many females here have the guts to be honest about that side of the coin? We doubt it. But we’ll see.

    Are you serious? YOU wrote about YOUR exploits with women and the disgusting life you have lived and you CLAIMED it was to pay some sort (however minor) of retribution for the acts of trife you have committed and now you wanna know if people will comment on the women you’ve slept around with. GUESS WHAT?!?! Even if a woman cheated with you, I can guarantee you have still whored around a whole lot more than she has. How very insecure of you to respond by challenging people to look at the other side of the “coin.” Sounds like to me you are not reflective nor remorseful instead you are simply BORED and realized that your story would Shock the hell outta people and get you the attention you so desperately craved. How old are you? I’m just wondering because so much of what you say and how you look at things seem just so CHILDISH. Even if we analyzed women and concluded that they ain’t shit, guess what, YOU STILL AIN’T SHIT so what difference would that really make?!?! What would it change!??! Oh I know, it would justify your negligence in becoming a real man. Please grow-up and realize that you are responsible for you and you only and no matter how much other people cheat, lie, hoe-around, you still have to live with your OWN conscious and the guilt from being all of the above. I wonder if you and your crew ever had fathers and if so what type of men where they? Deal with whatever pain has you actin out like you do and keep it movin. STOP wit the excuses please.

  54. @TheBusinessWoman and @Jenay

    Our response ended up being way, way too long for a comment. So we had to post it at our site. (We are certainly some long-winded fools, if nothing else.)

  55. "hate to say it but, a lot of ladies encourage this so the cycle will always continue" This sums up how I feel..women are not to blame but you did walk down a dark alley with mad bling on so you shocked you got robbed? Yea its easy to say these guys are losers but I dont buy married women (or any well of chick for that matter) on a whole are giving it up to a guy living with his moms, maybe his baby moms but not mom dukes. Sounds like a women that knows she got fool by his car and jewels..point blank period. He didnt have game he had stuff.

    Face it todays women has allowed WEAK men with their "materialism" to get the advances the brother thats strugglin would never get. (And yes some of these men have swung the pendulum the other way and are now "diva dudes").

    In the other post it was metnioned most woman quite frankly will not date a broke dude with a plan and ambition. Yet she'll OVERRATE a dude-his X5 and his "supervisors" title at his job…am I wrong ladies?

    What chick up here would give it for a guy ON HIS WAY UP or the guy that APPEARS to have "made it"?

    I was the guy "on his way up" and no I didnt get dissed but it was waaay too much work to convince the women I was "official" after all I was sans EVRYTHING except a job and school. No car, low income and yea livin with moms (as opposed to shacking up, which some of you women up here may have done ONLY becuz of some lame idea of convenience).

    We live an ALL PEAK era fuck the struggle, guys like this make women feel that no worries here, if "this" is good imagine if we "made it offical"? With these guys the reality of MEN is avoided-its like romance novels come to life. The guys have big dicks, degrees, fly whips, courteous and chivalry all over the place, know where to eat-how to dress and yea we want at 26 to "settle down"…with you after some mind numbing sex. However a kid and a bad break up later its only THEN some women see that sans "stuff + accomplishments" dudes a real bitch.

    These men would not get laid if WOMEN didnt see them as what they think MEN are, its like me comparing black women to Roxy Reynolds or Lil Kim and being sorely dissapointed when I realize "oh shit her breath stinks too". These men and women BOTH need to grow up.

    Remember Michelle met Barack with a hole in the floorboard of a rusty car and STILL dated then eventually married the man. I dont see that in our age group.

  56. Temps- I gotta agree with you.

    It's like you read my thoughts and then wrote them…. Weird.

    I'm on my way up. No one wants to come up with me. So, when I get up…….. I'll marry a white girl… No, a Japanese girl. You gotta love Japanese girls.

    The sistas will stand back and curse the 2 of us. I'll understand. But I won't care.

    Sometimes you've gotta put some faith in a man to get something out of him. This is something that sisters pay lip service to but don't do anymore.

    1. hold up…i 'tried' talking to guys that were climbing there way up and still got my feeling hurt. Mr. Temps statement is 1/2 way true. I don't like guys with a whole lotta bling, rims, the extravagant car…..that signifies bad spending habits and no retirement funds.

  57. @TBC

    Help a nigga out.

    1. How are you doing this shit with these women?
    2. How can I (or any other brother who fancies himself half decent) avoid getting this shit pulled on him.
    3. How would I know if my woman was cheating……

  58. setting out to intentionally deceive females….but don't want to be deceived urself. It could have been that one week out of the 3 years of marriage they are having a problem and u as a dirty snake take advantage of this moment (even if it took a year). (maybe that's why the male anatomy 'part' looks like a serpent)

    So now u are losing respect for women…….how about have some respect for yourself. Do you even esteem urself worthy enough to even be in a committed relationship? Prob'ly not because 'WEAK' men can't please a woman enough to keep her.

  59. While I was reading the comment about peoples' views of women being defined by their relationship with their mums, my neighbour was having a raging row with her 12 year old daughter. It got me thinking about how I was when I was 12. I am a radical feminist but I never ever liked my mum, growing up. I also know radical feminists who love their mums, and misogynists who love their mums. Whether you're a guy or a girl, how much you love your mum has no bearing whatsoever on how you perceive women. The reason? Everybody takes mums for granted. EVERYbody.

    What made me a feminist was actually the fact that my dad was all for women's rights. I think our dads define our views of women as much as, or more than, our mums do. So maybe there's something to that theory that kids who grow up in projects full of single mums are destined to wind up macho and sexist. It's not that their mum didn't love them enough, it's that their dads didn't stick around and show the kids that he loved her, too. That teaches them way more disrespect for women than anything the mother can do.

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