This appeared as a comment from the Black Critic a few days ago on a post about Misogyny. Here I have decided to just repost his comment … the story of a young man … who just has a very “interesting” view on women. This is the short version … he has expanded and added on his own site … so check it out … but I didn’t want to repost the same stuff. I was moved when I read it … and how he ends it … sh*******t … made me contemplate life. Cause I don’t want to be no other man’s joke … but I want to be some woman’s king … what’s a guy to do?
I’m fairly new to this community, and I am still catching up on past post, so I am not certain how brutally honest and straight up topics are dealt with here. But I have a question that I have been grappling with for years, and would love the insight from various perspectives before I commit myself to writing my own post. It’s real talk, so I’m hoping the females don’t take offense to me admitting my ignorance out the gate.
I grew up in a world where running “trains” on females was a rite of passage almost. If you hadn’t done it at least once by the time you were twelve, you could lose your street cred and claims to “manhood.” It was a way of life, and I went along with it as a willing participant just as everyone else did.
By the time I was 16, “macking” females wasn’t just a street ritual, it was virtually a religion–to get caught using the “L-word” was considered worst than snitching or getting shot. We had to be tough, we had to always be perceived as gangsters at all cost.
I eventually escaped that world, but I’m not sure how much I’ve actually changed–mindset wise. Like SBM said, if you ask me whether or not I “hate” women, my instinctive response would be a “No! No Way!” I’d quickly argue that I’ve never hit a woman (but that would be a lame excuse since I ended up learning how to manipulate the mind enough that I do more damage emotionally than anything the average brute does physically.) I would probably argue that virtually every female thinks highly of me if you asked her–but that’s no real reflection on how I view them.
For the past three years, my homeboys and I have only dated married women and women in committed relationships–without exception. In many ways, we have become masters of seduction; it only takes us a few minutes in the company of a seemingly happy couple to devise the best method to “get our foot in the door.”
Here is the problem. I admit that it’s quite possible that I am a misogynistic black man. I would love to improve myself in whatever way I can. But I’m no fool. Over half the women we seduce are married to the very same men who “love and respect and cherish” sisters like absolute queens.
Because I see the “ugly” side of relationships that people in La La Land pretend don’t exist (they act as though 50% divorce rate is a made up number), it makes me hesitant to fall into the footsteps of the “good” guys folks keep putting on pedestals. It’s the “good” guy’s wives we steal away in the afternoon or between her lunch breaks.
I know a lot of females may use the “she was just a tramp” defense, but that argument isn’t based on reality. All I can do is testify on behalf of myself and my peeps, and say, as honestly as possible, that the moment we hear a married woman say “I would never cheat on my husband/boyfriend” we zero in on her with the focus of a chemist until we have devised a way to seduce her. 7 out of ten times we figure out a way, even if it takes months.
We are hoodlums who go to church instead of clubs because it’s easier to seduce the women there–i know it’s Fucked up, but I’m just being honest. I have a homeboy who teaches Bible study for kids because we noticed how “innocently” it allowed us to get introduced to the mothers. We laugh to ourselves when the husbands invite us over for BBQ or some other family function, not realizing he is helping us advance our mission.
Yet, this is the problem. To what advantage is it–if it’s true that I am misogynistic—to be a good, loving husband one day if I know–from deep personal experience–that the fate of those boring “good” guys is so secretly nasty? If a lot of men are misogynistic–and i don’t dispute that–there are just as many females who are attracted to this behavior. (I’m being real, I hope others can be also.) If the silly, irresponsible, stupid, and misogynistic things we do didn’t actually work, we would be forced to change–as survival of the fittest and evolution would insure that we either stepped our games up or become 40 year old virgins. The missing link in the misogynist conversation is the reality that it actually works–no matter how hard of a pill it may be to swallow.
Many–far too many–women fall for it.
Let me be clear: It got to a point where my homeboys and I started making bets with each other. We would place thousand dollar pool bounties on a deacon’s wife or some married principle or some random female we noticed with a wedding ring on. All of us would contribute to the pot, and whoever seduced her first would win the money. Women we would have never imagined as “cheaters” before, turned out to be the easiest ones to seduce. Couples that looked so happy and loving and fulfilled, would be end up having an affair with one of us.
As we got more experience and our “game” got tighter, even church became too small of a playing field for us. We started going to local NAACP meetings,attending seminars advertised in the local paper, actively seeking out events where we would find the most “challenging” married women. We visited a nearby hospital one time because none of us had ever seduced a “doctor” so we made a bet on a married Asian woman for two grand. It took us almost a year to finally close the deal–but we did.
If we hate woman–and I won’t deny it, even though I don’t want to have to admit it yet without more evidence–then why is it that so many woman love us or at least cheat on the men who “truly love and cherish” them? If we meet a woman and discovers that she is single or divorced, we leave her alone immediately. It’s actually EASIER to seduce married women and females in committed relationships than it is single women–and we don’t have to deal will any of the extra drama–or responsibilities, to remain brutally honest–of single women.
Sorry this comment is so long. I just wanted an “outside” opinion on this from my brothers and sisters before I finally write my post and hash out the demons and questions lurking inside of me.
(As for my mother–we have a great relationship and I love her to death. I grew up as the “protector” in the family, as I was a banger before I left the streets–and as such, it was my responsibility to keep the family safe. A guy would get smashed unmercifully for even looking at my sister wrong–mostly because I was afraid someone would try to do to her all the things I was doing to other women. I include this info because a lot of people seem to think the relationship a man has with his mother reveals his true opinion of women.)
So, finally, what’s the solution? Do I become like the husbands we take wives from, or do continue down the path I’m on now–a young brother involved with a crew of hoodlums who chase married women for sport. Both options suck–at least in my eyes. (P.S. I know there are a lot of dude who may be too insecure to admit that it’s possible that their female would cheat on them. All I can do is share my experience, and warn you that there is a good chance you wouldn’t even know if she was—I have homeboys who have pretended to be gay for months in her company to eventually seduce a female and win the thousand dollar bounty.)
So why would I want to be a “good” guy, if that’s the reward?
My solution, however impotent, has been to sometimes use my site as a resource for women to learn the game—from a bunch of cats who are actually in the game. I hope to school women on many of the things “females” let us get away with, and how to spot our con out the gate.
I don’t want to see myself as a brother who hates women—and I do a lot to counterbalance my past. But I don’t want to be that other fool either: a husband who loves and cherishes and respects and honors and appreciates and adores a wife he has no idea is cheating on him–with a young cat only a handful of years from being a teenager.