Get A Life 101


I like women … nay … I love women.

I like talking to them, I like going out with them, I like going out to a movie with them, I like laying next to them, I like sitting on a couch and putting my arm around them, I like chatting them up … and I especially like giving them the bidness making love to them.  Yes … I do love me some women.

But … ya know what … I like other things to.

I like riding my motorcycle (I hate winter BTW), I like driving (while banging screw), I like surfing the internet, I like watching movies solo (don’t have to answer any complex plot questions to anyone but myself), I like sleeping, I like playing video games, I like reading (real books too … not magazines), I like chilling with my friends, I like to mentor kids, I like doing nothing at all, I like programming  … I like … well … a lot of things.

In a time when you have women suffering from the “I need a man” syndrome and people preaching to “multi-task that a**” so they don’t get overly consumed with more than one person … SBM is here to preach of an alternative that will benefit your personal life, your love life, and might just get a tree planted somewhere.  And it’s so simple because I know people hate directions with more than one step overly complicated plans. Four words …

See Also:  The Key to Staying in Love

Get a f***ing hobby

Yes … that’s it.  What … 300 words ain’t enough?

Ok … I’ll give you more … I promise it’ll be good …

A lot of people are obsessed with dating, finding a mate, sex, and the like (it’s what keeps in business!) to the point were they just simply obsess over it … or they feel the only way to distract themselves from one woman/man is with another woman/man.

What ever happened to just filling your thoughts and time with … other sh*t?  I bet there is a good book in your house that needs to be read, something that needs to be fixed, or a friend you haven’t seen in months.  Instead of hitting up #2 on your list of potentials … why not get a pick up game going with Ray Ray and Pookie (everyone knows a Pookie)?  Why not finally go build that Ikea bookcase thats been sitting in the box for 3 months?  Why not call up Big Brother’s Big Sister’s and go change a kids life?

I know some people think this is a strictly female phenomenom … wrong!  Men can be just as clingy and needy (lets call them men for lack of a better word … although simp comes to mind) not knowing how to not be up under their woman.  For these “men” … its just inexcusable.  Go do some push-ups!

See Also:  So When Is The Right Time To Share Social Media With Relationship Interests?

It’s a well known fact that all many women suffer from this debilitating condition.  Since I am not a woman … my advice might not be the best … but lets start by taking “him” off of #2 speed dial. Next, your gonna call the girlfriend you have been shunning for the past few months (that’s what yall do as soon as a man comes into the picture), and invite her out for a drink. After that, go to the book store and pick up something to read … doesn’t even have to be intelligent … just nothing about romance or love. Rinse and repeat … and you’ll be on your way.

Don’t believe that this is for you … lets look at the benefits:

  • You will have a life of your own … and that … is priceless.
  • Your boyfriend/girlfriend, FwB, Jump Off, Person your stalking … will enjoy not having to entertain you 24/7.
  • When you break up with said person (remember the 99% failure rate) … no need to sulk around the house for weeks because you got a basketball game, a happy hour, a a yoga class scheduled for this week.
  • You will actually keep your friends … instead of dumping them all as soon as a new man/woman comes along.
  • You might actually accomplish something … besides having a man/woman.
See Also:  Researching Your Date: How Much Is Too Much?

Anyone feeled a renewed vigor to go out and get them a life of their own?  Anyone with friends who need this link forwarded to them? Some sad “he/she is my everything” individual who wants to speak their piece?


  1. I must say you never cease to amaze me. Just when I think im going to write you off for the PURE ignorance you filter into your brain via chopped and screwed(J/K) you come back and inspire me just a LIL bit.

    I agree when you are in a relationship you are filtering said man/woman into a life you have already built you are not then in turn building your life around that person. Of course there are compromises to be made but your world should not stop turning because someone is hitting the base of your p*ssy 5-15 times a week. (works site L Alexyss K Tyler). You are a 100% woman or man with or without someone. Where people getted twisted is thinking that they are half of a person before the"ONE" comes along. I understand the adage that 2 become one. HOWEVER that doesn't mean you were less then a whole beautiful person prior to this latest escapade. Love each other. Love your selves. Most of all know that your happiness shouldn't be based on another persons thoughts feelings or actions.



  2. I fully agree. I love companionship and all types of freaky shit as much as (hell naw…wayy more than) the next person but ahbedamned if I'll let it consume me. There is alot more to life than that and anything becomes mundane if not done in moderation. Mentoring, Black art, writing/producing/performing/playing music, cooking, hell…my list is pretty long, everyone's should be. If I meet people that say their hobbies are fucking, "gettin' money", and clubbing…there's really not much else we'll have to say to each other after that.

  3. I'm officially no longer a lurker!

    I agree with you! I have just moved up to MD from ATL and don't know that many folks. I really don't like going to clubs and bars anymore because the cigarette smoke gets in my locs. This is so not the weather for me to be washing my hair on a daily basis.

    So yes, I have applied to become a big sister (and I'm STILL waiting to hear back from them)

    Hence my back up plan; I decided to try knitting this weekend, gonna take some classes and make my own gloves lol.

    I've also decided to volunteer at the library.

    I have a friend who insists that I need to go out and live the "single life". I have come to realize that living the "single life" never goes as planned (I have to share the story about the 35 year old black man who PEED ON MY COUCH on another day)

    So yeah….I plan to learn to knit and possible sew in addition to my geekish tendencies and my love for reading

  4. "Person your stalking … will enjoy not having to entertain you 24/7. "

    LMAO @ person you're stalking.

    I know women like this… I know women who CANNOT be single. This has to be the single most debilating disease that can destroy ALL relationships. I have a cousin who cannot do anything by herself, hang out with her girlfriends, go grocery shopping, U name it.

    The phenomena also seems to be sweeping the men folk as well. My friend calls me and I promise he falls in love with a new chick every week.

  5. "“multi-task that a**” "

    who preaches that i wonder…hmmm

    Having a hobby or as you put it "a life", is at the basis of what I preach. Namely good relationships with other women that aren't undermined by random dyck. I also tend to agree about the speed dial..thats all a given when you are focused on what it is YOU want..and not always necessarily who wants you.

  6. Good advice SMB…. very timely. I was JUST contemplating doing more traveling on my free weekends ($50 roundtrip standby passes are that ish) to visit friends, and maybe watching more movies. I appreciate a person that has their own life and own interests…. adds some variety when you are in a relationship, and makes you seem less sad and pathetic when you're not.

  7. Forwarding to a few friends immediately…..

    I can't stand to be all up under someone so I make sure I have plenty of hobbies to keep myself occupied. "Oh, I would love to be laid up but I have my Pilates class to attend. Sorry". I believe in always having a back-up plan and having one that is a hobby, professional group or volunteer group is a lot more reliable than having some back-up d*ick (although it's not a bad idea to have that too).

  8. I got on this years ago, having a life of your own. People have to understand that know matter how deep your relationship is people need some time to themselves. Most people enjoy having thier own space from time to time and doing a hobby is a great way to do this. I was in a co-op flag football league last fall and that definitely broke up the torturing work week.

  9. I think this needs to be flung to the masses both far and near because my friends often lose sight of themselves and everyone they know when they meet a new man…best way to know my home girl got a new vic is when she isn't calling/texting me everyday for a week or two…

    But I just want to ask what about when you have a life/hobby but your significant other doesn't and they want you to occupy their existence…then what do you do?!?

  10. Loving the post! I'm under the firm conviction that loving me makes loving you that much easier! When I have found my passion and pursue it well, I bring more to the table. And besides it makes me a better person. Now if only I can get him to get a hobby!!!

  11. Exactly! I couldn't agree more with this entry. I definitely think it's more healthy to devote your time into deeper personal development. I mean, how can a person be so consumed with having someone, if they aren't 100% satisfied with being by themselves. A companion is allowed to sow into your life, not to become your life.
    Just my thoughts…

  12. I concur totally. I find women with no hobbies as dry as plaster board. When people ask me what I do in my spare time, I rat off a list of things such as being an audiophile, computer geek and DIYer extraordinarye. I can't tell you all how many times I hear "nothing" or "shopping" or "watching tv." Sometimes I hear poetry writing but anyone that knows me knows that I hate crappy poetry, especially open-mic style Love Jones ish.

  13. Preach my brotha! As soon as I get home I'm sharing this on the Book! The masses need to hear a good word!

    It makes me wonder what these chicks had going on before they had a man… probably another one. Serial dating is not a hobby. I've always been active and it wasn't until I moved back to the D 5 yrs ago that I began to constantly think about guys and being in a relationship. Moms squashed that quick and had me doing theater performances 2 weeks after giving birth. Occupation of the mind works wonders. Do something that you've always wanted to try. Start a business, learn a new language, get your girls together and start a investment group or book club. Find yourself cause a man can't do it for you.

  14. You ain't never lied SBM! I have been experiencing some magnificent personal and professional development since I put the game down for a minute…


    Don't encourage them…you don't wanna get the Comeback/SBM rivalry going strong again…

  15. @Redbone: I'm glad you enjoy the love-hate situation that me and my sis got going on … you should see Thanksgiving dinners.
    **note** … she is not really my blood sister.

    @All: I know there has got to be someone who disagrees. The person who knows their man just loves to get a text message from them every 15 minutes everyday.

  16. Like all the folks above, I cosign completely.

    I'm not really in to organized activities, but I enjoy copious amounts of Me Time and have found I'm more than a bit of a geek about mine. When I'm not at work I enjoy doing whatever the hell I feel like doing at the time. Thats enough for me.

    Anywhoo, over on VSB they have a term for this: hobyless hoes. FYI, men are included in that category.

    @Uppity: Give him suggestions on a few things he could try on his own, according to what he's interested in or good at. If he's a little shy you could even try something couples related at first, so he can ease his way in to it.

    Also @CPT: In August I refinished my bedroom furniture set on my own! It looks great with a fresh coat new paint! Us DIY women are out there, dont give up hope! Maybe spend some time checking out Home Depot, and look for the lonely lady cruising the aisles.

  17. I'm sad that you even have to write this post. I know far too many women who drop everything and everyone when they fall into that 'puppy love' phase or as Slim calls it "the peachy phase."

    I think sometimes women, and men, get so caught up in their SO that nothing else is as fun/entertaining as that person so they obsess. I also call this infatuation.

    I've never been a serial dater type of girl and after my last ex and I broke up about 5 years ago now I've taken on so many new hobbies and interests that I sincerely hope to never give up for a man. I want to be with someone that also has a lot of drive and passion for his career or hobbies. I would hope this future man respects my need to have "me time," as much as I will respect his.

    Great post!

  18. @ Dom

    As mentioned in previous posts…I get approached in DIY stores and always asked if I work there. GRrrrrr.
    I'm looking for the DIY women, the Artistic women and the talent besides writing crappy poetry women…

  19. @ SBM: I know my dude thinks something is up if I don't call at all in a days time.

    In general, could it be assumed that the more we have our own separate things going on, the more we tend to feel that there's a chance for infidelity? I like that I normally date guys with interesting endeavors and hobbies, things that they do without me. But, I sometimes wonder if they're lying about this or that to make time for someone else. That maybe a reason why some tend to stay close and smother. Trust and honesty have to go a long way and that requires an individual that's also secure in themselves and what they have to offer. And if they are f'ing up, let go and continue to do you.

  20. Amen.

    Two of the requirements I need for any potential girlfriend is you must have hobbies and you must have other friends. I will not be your sole source of entertainment.

    Is this the first time in blog history that no one disagrees?

  21. @Hugh: Damn … your right. Its almost scary that no one disagrees.

    @Reign: I kind of feel you on that one. Someone I talk to now is rather aloof at times … makes me think I'm #2. I feel like time and gained trust will help dismiss all them concerns … but until then … I'm watching!

  22. @SBM…it's just too practical and sensible to have a diverse palate when it comes to hobbies and interests. It's safe to say there's pretty much a consensus on this one. I'm WAITING for someone to disagree so I can get in that ass. LMAO j/k (sort of).

  23. I disagree with this post…..


    This may be one of the best blog posts of all time. Now I feel like I gotta re-work my post for tomorrow on here. Thanks a lot SBM, raisin' the bar and sh*

    But yeah, like everybody else I agree with this post. Having hobbies and other things to do aside from your sig other is crucial. I dated one chick that always wanted to be around, or on the phone, or texting and that was the demise of the relationship. It made for a pretty awful break up. Don't need no hobbyless hoez in my life.

  24. Man, I usually try not to agree with you SBM (in my head that is as I am a lurker) but damn if this post isn't spot on. I'm glad to hear a guy cosign something I've been trying to tell my girlfriends for forever. Get a life of your own so that whether you are in or out of a relationship you have a life of your own!

  25. @ SBM: But when is anyone you're just dating or talking to #1? If you expect that from her you should be doing the same. Of course idk what's going down but talking and getting an uderstanding of what you both expect helps ease the concerns. The guy I talk to is into a few business ventures, so he's always on calls, besides working a fulltime and getting the fitness in. I'm understanding because I know his character and I trust him. Plus when he's doing his thing I can do mine. And since both of our things involve the computer we sometimes just sit and work to get that extra time in together. You have to be open about how you feel even if it seems like it doesn't matter because she could be thinking the same thing. Communication is key at every level of involvement.

    @ Slim: yea, this one is a fav… but no pressure! lol you both have different perspectives that keep us readers coming back, do you.

  26. I agree with everything written. I hate to see people jump from relationship to realtionship. I also equally hate people who act like they can't live without their S/O. Get a life is so fitting. lol

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  28. Preach… this ost was definitely on point. Plus they say you usually find your mate when you're not looking anyway… so using your time to do things you love and give back may just be the place where your mate is that you would have never found because you were too busy looking for him and in all the wrong places.

  29. I havent read any of the top comments b/c Im lazy but I will say this:

    I don't care if you don found ur soulmate and you think you were separated in Heaven. GET A HOBBY, KEEP IT, and REMEMBER IT eveh when you are in a relationship. I dont understand ppl that stay under their men's nutsacks or women's mammaries 25/8/366 when they get in relationships. Just cuz you got a significant other doesn't mean you lose urself and ur identity.

  30. Ok, so I didn't read the comments because ummm, just didn't feel like it!

    BUT THIS POST RIGHT HERE IS FIIIIIRE!!! Something I've preached for a long time to all of my girls is to create a full life that yes, may involve a relationship but does not REVOLVE around said relationship!!


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