So last week I wrote a post on Snoopin’ and when it’s okay (if ever) to dig for information on your significant other. I mentioned that I don’t plan on snoopin’ cuz I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve refined my search criteria so specifically that I honestly don’t think I’d date someone who’d even cause those thoughts to cross my mind. One of the readers, Tam, asked me specifically about how I’ve refined my search criteria to circumvent a lot of the BS. So as promised, I’ma shed some light on the things I look at when I’m determining if a woman is a viable candidate for a long term relationship. Let’s get into it…
One of the first things I take into consideration when I’m determining if a woman is a viable candidate for a relationship is her family situation. The chick that comes from an extra happy home in a suburb is gonna be a lot different than the chick coming from the single parent home or the chick who’s family doesn’t exist in perpetual peachiness. Meeting shorty’s mom not only tells me what she’s probably gonna look like in 20 years, but it sheds some light on what type of mess I may have to deal with down the road.
If moms is wild strict or very high maintenance, then she’s prolly gonna be the monster-in-law from hell that I don’t need or she’ll always meddling in our relationship. Shorty needs to be able to operate independently of her parent(s). If I get the feeling she can’t, it’s a wrap. If she comes from a home that isn’t so happy for a multitude of reasons, that could open the door to all other sorts of sub-criteria. However messed up this may sound, I usually give a woman extra points if she comes from a broken or disruptive home because it means she’s been through some sh*t. I’ve been through a lot over the last few years and I need a woman who can empathize on some level and not look confused whenever I have a real life problem. If I can’t go to her about the stuff that matters, the relationship will fail.
You really are the company that you keep. I grit my teeth when I find out a chick’s friends are all single. God forbid I meet them and they come across as bitter and self-absorbed members of the League of Unextraordinary Women. God forbid even more if she’s in a sorority and all she ever talks about is her line sisters and every outfit she wears has to be the colors of her organization. Major points lost.
I’ve dated a chick in a sorority…and I often felt like I was dating the whole organization. And yes, this was years after college. Gossip Girls really is a way of life for some people. I don’t need my business in the streets and her friends in her ear spewing negativity that will in turn affect us. Nothing is worse than shorty going out with her friends then coming home angry at me, cuz then that makes me angry, and nobody likes an angry Slim. If her friends are cool and down to earth people that will even laugh at some of my jokes, major points gained. This is a deal breaker.
I try not to ask too many questions about a woman’s past because it can really f*ck things up in my mind. Less really is more sometimes. I generally try to get an idea of the type of guys she’s slept with dated and how those relationships ended. If she’s never been in a real relationship, there’s gonna be some serious growing pains that at this point I’m not willing to deal with. If all her ex’s and flings still live locally and they’re cordial with each other, I don’t wanna deal with that either. I don’t care how confident you are. It’s really awkward to be hanging out with your significant other and someone she used to date or mess with. I really don’t like being around a guy who knows what my girl’s poompoom is like. Too much ego. I’ve been that other guy and I know how much I was smiling and laughing inside when I was out with her and her boo. I’ve learned to be aware of myself when it comes to stuff like this. Don’t even wanna deal with it.
I also wanna know if she’s been cheated on once or a thousand times because that’s going to open the door to all types of trust and security issues. If she has been cheated on, I’m curious to how she found out. Don’t want to date a habitual snooper.
I’m not sure if I could date someone who hadn’t played a sport in high school or college. At the very minimum, she needs to place an emphasis on fitness. I’ve dated the pretty girl who didn’t think she needed to work out cuz she looked good. There’s no room for complacency in a relationship. I’m a competitive dude and I need a woman that’s not just competitive when it comes time to get dressed for Church.
She needs to be passionate about more than shoes, clothes, and her girls. This goes back to yesterday’s post. I wanna be able to share in her passions and she needs to be able to understand and share in mine. This is a major deal breaker.
Don’t get me wrong. Ambition is cool. Overambitious folks are not. I’m talking about the type of people that will do just about anything to get what they want. Dangerous. This one isn’t necessarily obvious right away. But at the first sign the person seems manipulative, I’m outta there. That’s a gang of trust issues waiting to happen. Sh*t. I can do a whole separate post on trust issues alone.
Yeah, it’s that time folks. Word count is gettin’ reckless. If you wanna know more, leave a message and I’ll elaborate in the comments. As for today’s discussion, what are some of the criteria you’ve used to refine your search and why? Also, feel free to debate any of the criteria I listed. I know some of the married/divorced folks may have some tidbits to add.