Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction Bourgeois or not Bourgeois … That is the question

Bourgeois or not Bourgeois … That is the question


The Bourgeois say … “Bourgeois”.

The regulars, ghetto folk, and hood n****s say … “Boughie”.

Some people like to enjoy a good Merlot, eat some fine cheese, and enjoy some fine caviar (I enjoy black caviar on water crackers personally) whilst discussing the works of Mozart amongst colleagues.   They consider themselves “high class”, say things like “I refuse to eat at a chain restaurant” and have an appreciation for the “finer” things.

Then you got some people who are content drinking a fine 40 oz of malt liquor (St. Ides is my personal favorite), grabbing them some wings and mumbo sauce from the local carryout (a local dc hood favorite) and a night on the town means red lobster … and “doing it” twice … no one hitter quitter tonight!

If you couldn’t tell … the first group is Bourgeois … the second is … well … hood.

Lastly … you have a third grouping … the “Universal”.  This is the person (like me) that can go both ways (no homo).  A well versed individual who enjoys a nice restaurant, knows the difference between a good merlot and a lowly moscato … but is just as happy downing 40 oz. of St. Ides and doing it three times and devouring some carryout. A lot of people want to think their in this group … but … their not.  Too often their bourgeois and don’t want to admit it because its “bad” … or their hood and just don’t want to admit that they don’t know that sparkling wine and champagne are the same thing.

See Also:  Relationship ADD: Why can't she keep my interest?

But what happens when you pair these different groups up and dating comes into play? Hmmmm

Hood & Hood

Match made in heaven.  No one has any goals for themselves … or only moderate ones (he wants to be a rapper … she wants to move up to manager of Wendy’s).  When he pours some malt liquor in a champagne glass … she’s in love.

Bourgeois & Bourgeois

These two will feed off each other.  She came from money, his dad owns the west side of town … and they regular enjoy rides through the southside … looking at the “commoners” … throwing pennies at people waiting for the bus. She just finds him so hilarious … as he brings home gold plated earrings … she smells the silver … and then he pulls out the rose gold set from behind his back.  Then they laugh so hard … as she throws them in the trash for the “poor people”.

Universal & Universal

The best match.  Their comfortable everywhere.  Not every meal has to expertly prepared.  Not every bottle of wine was imported and cost $100.  They can go out to a play … and pick up bootleg chines on the way back home.  They are willing to experience everything, and just roll with the punches.

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Now … the “mashups”.

Hood & Bourgeois

You would be surprised how often this happens.  Just look at NeNe from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and her husband.  She was the definition of hood rat (chick couldn’t do fractions to help her son do homework … and is loud as sh*t talks a lot) … while her husband was a well to do upper class old a$$ man.  They seemed happy … as too many well to do guys love rescuing hood rats (SBM himself pinned for his own at one point).  And “good” black women love them a hood n****.  Destiny’s Child wrote a whole damn song about it (man I hate them b*****s thought that song was a shot at all professional black men).  Funny thing … 50% of the time it works.  These guys get them a freak who asks for little and is easily impressed … and these women get someone who is always available (cause he’s not working 80 hours behind a desk) and is “hard”.  The other 50% … sh*t gets ugly … quick!

Universal & Well … anyone that aint a universal

Doomed to failure.  The key to the universal is that … well … they are universal.  They drink St. Ides with their caviar … and this is going to irk their partner.  Either she/he will be trying to “upgrade them” … or just keep complaining about they “boughie ass”.

See Also:  Independence: Yeah ... thats sexy

Anyone tried dating outside their group?  Did it work?  Did it fail?  Did anyone get cut?  Any other universal’s tired of meeting one dimensional chics/guys?  Anyone want to split this St. Ides with me as we nibble on some goat cheese & hummus?


  1. Just had to mention, that throughout this post, there was incorrect usage of 'their'. It's possessive, but you used it instead of 'they are" or 'they're".

    Their: "It is their car."
    They're/They are: "They're over there."
    There: "She's over there."

    that is all, carry on.

  2. Well I don't do the goat cheese, but I will try hummus and definitely chill with u hitting the St. Ides. Well since I'm a lady, I'll do the Special Brew St. Ides!!!

    I consider myself to be very Universal, and yes I've dated outside of my group only to keep getting the hood n****s that only wants to elevate himself into my already established home and goals. So yes they had to get cut ASAP!!! 100 on Doomed to Failure bid. However, when I meet a Universal counterpart, they usually end up falling for the Boughie posing chick with Yaki Indian No. 5 weave, only for him to see that she was a Hood rat chick in disguise. LOL!!

  3. I have dated outside my group plenty of times with the hoods. I'm a universal chick but I was always the "white actin'" or "innocent" girlfriend that ninjas thought they had to teach. Why do hood ninjas always want to teach u something or "raise" you? Anywho, none of them worked. LOL

  4. **you really shouldn't call it Champagne unless it's made in Champagne**

    Was that Boughie? Hahaha.

    I believe I am Universal. And I've dated "hoods." However I had to really start asking myself why I was dating these people because they were all dead ends. They weren't interested in any of the more bourgeois things I was interested in. I was always obligated to follow them around and feign interest (sometimes) in their interests to prove that I wasn't "boughie" or "uppity" or "act'n like I was white." I've realized that I have to be true to myself. I have nothing to prove to anyone. And I am not going to apologize for having eclectic tastes. So I am done with the "hoods." Bring on Mr. Universal.

  5. I'm not really sure what category I would fall into. I'm not very high society. I live a cozy lifestyle but I do enjoy fine things. I don't know which fork is a salad fork but I refuse to eat in food courts. I don't do public transportation, I don't do plastic and I order my water in a wine glass.

    Maybe I'm just a pretender…what's a good match for a pretender, lol?

  6. Im a uni all the way and honestly i have more fun with the hood chicks than the bourgeois ones and 1000 times more fun with other universal chicks. But i think alot of us uni's are jaded at this point from pretending to much. I know alot of brothers like myself who werent bougie so they pretended to be a thug ( cuz thats what the chicks liked) and im pretty sure its happened to alot of other universal women as well. So some times its hard for us to identify each other.

  7. @Nichi

    GTFOHWTBS…this is SBM. We don't need grammar nazis. Try Digg. However, I guess you would be bourgeouis according to this post.

    Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled program. I am a Universal…I never really feel comfortable in any one circle but I feel like I can fit in with most. However, both extreme and sometimes moderate hoodness/bougie-ness bug that sh*t out of me.

    @ The Don

    I feel ya man. Sometimes I am lost in the sauce.

  8. Oh wow… I was going to write a post about this over the weekend!! Never got to it had a paper to write…This just happened to me… My dad called me (he is a total hood/pimp) and asked me "what does bougie mean?" I'm like why are you asking me this and he said my sister (half-sister) called me bougie. Mind you she's five years younger didn't grad HS (but got a GED) and her mom has been on assistance since she was born. No, I'm not downing her but I think that's a good reason why she called me bougie.

    I don't think I'm bougie. I need my wine ordered for me and I'm cool with going to Red Lobster, even though I prefer a ritzy establishment. So I guess I'm universal and almost all the guys I date are universal as well. Never dated a hood rat… If you don't have a collection of Polos, button downs, Blazers & ties, I have a problem. I'm allergic to jerseys of any type as well, even when mowing the lawn. If someone does call me bougie I take it as a compliment because I've expected and demanded more for myself.

  9. Most of my mashups are Universal (me) plus Whatever the hell.

    I've had a mix of women in my life, the classier ones usually being a bit older. Hood women, although some can be cool to kick it with, are a recipe for drama or death, so I fall back on those opportunities. Bourgie women (especially some women I met from Cali) are okay, but I get turned off by their snobbery and their "it's never good enough" attitude. I try to find decent Universal types but it's too damn hard…

  10. I think I am the most universal person in the whole wide world, if you dont believe me, try me(pause). i obvy want a universal chick but if i had to date a hood or bougie chick, i think i would pick a real bad hood chick. ppl think all the hood chicks are real loud and what not, i would just get a quiet one and then i would teach her some of the finer things

  11. I consider myself a Universal. I enjoy a nice play and dinner at a fancy restaurant just as much as chilling on the couch with the latest bootleg movie and some take-out. I agree that Universals match best with other Universals because they understand each other better and aren’t offended by your mixing of the two cultures.

    I tried dating a “hood” before and the relationship crashed and burned. I just couldn’t understand the allure of holding up wads of cash (usually a stack of ones surrounded by one 100) at the club while you take a picture in front of some lame airbrushed backdrop. I also decided that being the only one in the relationship with a bank account and good credit wasn’t going to work out in the long-run.

  12. @ peyso hood chicks are cool homie and they are not all loud but that shit is usually a smoke screen homie and the real them comes out cause you can put a tiger in a bunny seat but wear steak drawers and see what happens

  13. I am a universal that only seems to attract the universal or bourgeois males into my world. And it is generally okay until they happen upon my Bamma cousin or some of my Natural friends then its like you never told me about this part of your life…. but I have only attempted the hood guy once and true to form his lifestyle was too much for my universal understanding and I ran away…quickly

  14. I think i'm universal with a boughie leaning. I do like museums, wine tastings, and art galleries. However, I have gone from a wine tasting to Olive Garden and then had chilled red wine (Lambrusco) lol. I'm down for fun. I can't lie though I don't get down with drinking 40s… but I will drink boxed wine =)

    Hoods are a no go for me. I just can't. I used to go for the boughies but for some reason the black boughies I was dating were friggin stiff lames. The "i don't go to chain restaurants" and why do you go to the hair salon in the hood kinda guys. I'm down with the universals now.

  15. sbm=a fool for this… lol

    i'm universal too and i agree that the person i eventually settle down with (again) will have to be universal. i've got the best of both worlds in me and am not compatible with ghetto folks nor can i put up with their ignorance for too long. and tho i've got a lil bougie in me (for i do on a occasion shop of targay), the uppity negro attitude is horribly annoying!

  16. **emerges from the shadows**

    I don't wanna be the blog police/Debbie Downer, but can I just "rant" for a second..

    The cool thing about blog sites and the internet in general is freedom of speech. Any and everybody can start a website about whatever they want and people can choose to follow what is of interest to them. There's no censorship on SBM or on my other site, but are the negative comments really necessary? If you see a typo, just email the writer about it. If you don't like the post, that's fine. You can either not comment or say what you disagree with and let the dialogue flourish… We don't get paid to do this. We do this because we enjoy it. Sometimes I think people lose sight of that and it can be a bit discouraging as someone who puts in 10-15 hours a week for no profit on 2 websites. Not trying to be a jerk. Just saying.

    Back to regular contributor Slim.

    **fades back into the shadows**

    1. If I may, thank you for doing this. There's always a few bad apples in the bunch. However, I very much agree with you. If you dislike what you're reading, stop reading it.

      Once again, my thanks for the blog!

  17. i am bougie, i am not afraid to state it. Alot of people are claiming "universal" but that is a safe pick. And i am not ignorant to the hood life, i just choose not to accept or embrace it.

  18. I dont think people are picking universal for the safe pick i think they say that because str8 up that bougie stuff does get boring after a while but its cool in douses just like the hood stuff is cool every once in a while ( i mean who doesnt love a 40 wings and a bootleg movie ever now and agian) but its not a way of life for me i know how and enjoy both aspects

  19. i don't think that i'm either. not bourgeois and definetly not hood. i've tried dating on both sides. i've had my fair share of success dating both kinds of women as well as my fair share of failures.

  20. @ Slim: Thanks for that! Both of them couldn't even post "their" weblink. I'm in that mood where I can go off on anybody right now… lol woosah!

    Keeping doing what yall are doing cause I need this on those mornings when I can't get my vitamin to get my day started! Makes the day that much better 🙂

  21. I'm universal with a lean toward Boughie. I don't know anything about wines or fine foods, but I'll eat/drink both of them quickly. I actually had a 40 and some wings this past weekend. Great combination.

    I also get angry on public transit when certain folks are "embarrassing" themselves with their excess hoodness which can be broadcast in several ways.

    My thoughts: Everything is okay in moderation.

  22. Overall I am a beer drinker. Not so much the Bud Light chick…generally an Irish red or German. Does it make me bourgeois if I buy my favorite beer at Trader Joe's…$10 a bottle? Because I can go for a Yuengling every now and then too…
    I am cabernet sauvignon drinker not a white zinfandel faker. I know Ice wine grapes from a regualr dessert wine like Moscato. Altho, you can't go wrong with a $7.99 bottle of Asti Spumante when you need some bubbles… I also keep a bottle of my fav Charles Heidsieck Brut champagne in the frig so I can get my mind down for the night.

    I will NOT eat at a chain restaurant…but can hit the corner chinese spot for some chicken wings. So…well, what does that say about me?

    I hit Dean & Deluca for my $24 6pk of Code Blue after a night out at the local pool spot to help with my hangover. When I know I could easily pick up some Alka-Selzer extra stregth tablets to pop into a bottle of gatorade as I shoot down 2 B12's…and be just as good.

    A huge group of people call me boughie…and then there is another group that calls me hood…
    In the enlightening words of a great man…
    I say, I am who I am – Popeye

    *not sure I want to be universal…too much like basic…and the basic chick I'm not (no matter how much I say I am)*

  23. I'm a Universal for sure, and no, I couldn't see myself with any other type. First time someone says the phrase "that's white people ish" or scoffs at me for wanting to wear my t-shirt and hoodie to go to the hole in the wall hip hop spot, I know it's not going anywhere. I know how to turn it on and turn it off, and I'm a walking contradiction (anyone who sees me outside of work would have no CLUE I'm a business attorney). I can do black tie or basement….carry out or 5-star…. ballet or "ballet". There's just way too much in life to enjoy to limit yourself, and I need someone who's willing to enjoy those things with me.

  24. I'm definitely universal. I get along well with anyone, maybe due to having a well-salaried full-time job and a barely-above-minimum-wage paying part-time job.

    But I can only date universal. Hoodrats have absolutely nothing to talk about, and most bourgeois women are so shallow it's pathetic. Even though I lean more to the bourgeois side, I'd rather date a hood rat than a bourgeois woman. Any woman I'm dating that tells me she can't go to a chain restaurant will get dropped like she's heavy. I'm not trying to eat tiny portions at Chez Whitey all the time.

  25. I already commented earlier but after reading these posts I realize I must lean more towards the hood side because I've never even heard of people saying "I don't eat at a chain resturant"!

    Shoot….I love the soup and salad combo at Olive Garden.

  26. I'm hood, I ain't shamed to say either! I know how to act in public and speak the King's English when conducting business. I know which fork to use and am quite the date at the company's annual soiree. I could claim Universal but I'd be frontin! My favorite restaurant: A-P-P-L-E-B-E-E-S! *say sumthin?* Yes I'm a bit much for the finance guru with more degrees than neccessary, but he won't stop calling me. And sorry that I am HIGHLY offended and tell you so, when your drunk @$$ continues to scream at the waitress about your cheddar bay biscuts, but he won't stop calling me either. I can't tell you my deal, but at the end of the day when people fall for each other, I don't think their particular "group" has anything to do with it.

  27. I would be Boughie, but I still live in the hood and I wouldnt have it any other way! Something about staying here keeps me grounded. I sure aint messing with none of the hood dudes around here though. Im too pretty for prison.

    Oh, and I think all wine drinkers are pretentious. Great post though gets the brain moving.

  28. I'm not fully boughie b/c I surely detest cheese and only drink white wine (I think Red wine is far too dry at times. It's like drinking smoke). Plus, I understand the value in a good Big Mac Sammich as well as some gourmet seafood so I'm not that hood either. I claim "Universal". Dated someone Hood, but I wasn't hood enough for him and he was quick to call me bougie. Didnt work.

  29. What if you are perceived as Bougie but you consider yourself to be Universal? I've had a few ladies tell me they thought I was bougie but I consider myself the middle-of-the-road Universal.

  30. Usually its the ghetto chicks that tell you you are bougie cause you do things that are considered white ( read, art shows what have you)

  31. @Cpt precisely and it took me a while to understand that I had to stop coming down to there level and make them rise to mind and try new stuff even at the expense of being called "white" and what does that mean anyway

  32. HA! SBM you are a trip. I am universal and sometimes I really can't take the bourgeois type. Especially if they are just overboard with it. I like men who are universal as well.

    Oh yeah I do like little hood dude from time to time…lol!

  33. @ The Don:

    I never pay attention to the "acting white thing" because in the same breath, I've heard this come from women who wear blonde weaves and contacts but still feel that they are strong and black. Ignore it and enjoy the enlightened life.

  34. I concur the universal and universal is THE shat….
    A Born Gemini being Universal is just whats natural to me, not one Or the other, but a lil of both and everything and nothing in between LOL

  35. I think this is the best post I have ever read from you SBM. I was cracking up, good shit.

    I'm definitely universal.

    I grew up in the decent part of South Central (yes it exist), and no it isn't decent anymore.

    Then went off to Howard and got my ass converted.

    Now I live in Ladera Heights with a good mix of both.



  36. I am from a hood-still there but I have a degree from NYU. Its not that I wont "do" chains but A) too use to em have grown tired of em B) I' m a New Yorker…which leads me to ask if most of the US has nothing BUT chains-there isnt even a Wal Mart (thank God) in NYC, where do yall eat at?

    In NYC you got soooooooo many "hip" maybe not bougie and not expensive places to eat. Fuck some wine-gimme the Henny or JD I can swing with Grey Goose too.

    I often find bougie people like this: it was said you wanna make Einstien look dumb talk to him about women..he married his cousin. Outside of their "interest" they know nothing. In fact the more bougie you put out the more I expect you to know things -wordly as well as biblical, scientific and common…but in the end lots of bougie people come off as overachieving dilettantes-and its all about their Materialsim nothing much. Lemme say this too, I have encounterd a slew of "bougie baby moms" they wait til post college (heck grad school in some cases) to have some chumps baby and he's long gone-within the first year. The fathers are at best average, they were average in college got a good job but are average employees of course they went out and brought an average luxury car and she fell for "The Look". Dude had no plan or ambition but you know he dont do chain resturaunts.

  37. LMAO. This post is hilarious and interesting. I would consider myself a universal. My undergraduate years at a PWI forced upon me a love for the finer things in life, like Natty Light out of a and River Boat Red wine. lol. However, I feel I could hold my own at a five-star restaurant eating a five course prix fixe menu. The one thing I hate is people who claim they are "bourgeois", but yet balk when caviar, escargot or any raw meat show up on their plates at dinner. I dated a guy who just thought he was soo classy, but was the most unadventurous and juvenile eater EVER. It's like, dude quit pretending … you know you LOVE chicken fingers and don't eat any condiments but barbecue sauce. lol

  38. I'm a bourgeois married to a bourgeois. The few times I ventured (a little) to the other side, I got nothing but heartache. My DH and I understand each other perfectly and I can't imagine it any other way.

    Agree with "The Don" about who likes to throw what labels. There was a teeny tiny point in high school where it used to bother me, but by the time I got to university it was quite amusing watching how "those girls" used to get so angry at my mere presence in a room. Now, I just don't give a [email protected] … but that comes with age.


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