Home Dating & Relationships Dating Time … is NOT on my side

Time … is NOT on my side


The life of an SBM is one that never ends.  I do this … then I do that … then back to a little of this … then some more of that.

While daydreaming during a training session at work … I was thinking about why I was tired, the things I would have to do later that day, and the things I would have to do later that week.  As a man … a gainfully employed one at that … I have a lot of time committments.

I have to work in excess of 40 hours a week (puh … like any real corporate job at a major firm is just 40 hours)
I spend about 10 hours a week just getting to and from said job.
I blog … which takes up a lot of time by the way …
I work on my “side projects” … because I can’t be working for the “man” all my life
Gotta get ready for that GMAT

The list goes on …

But of course … this lead me to one other time sink … one other area of my life where I dedicate a great deal of time and resources … yes … I’m talking about dating.

A little tidbit into my personal life … I haven’t been actively dating for awhile.  I’ve never been into “multi tasking that a$$” … so I don’t.  No more new dates every weekend … for those who know me offline … they know the deal.

See Also:  4 Signs He's Finished Playing Games

But the opposite sex has traditionally been a huge time sink for me.  I mean … a lot of women are demanding of time and effort.  In addition to the investment once you find “her” … there is a lot of time spent in the search.  Going out and making yourself available is not an easy thing … have you seen the line to the club as of late.

One thing I have heard since I was much younger is “when ‘she’ comes … you’ll make time”!  WTF?!  I’ve always hated this statement … sure I understand that someone special will command a high priority when I’m dividing the weeks allowance of hours … but who gets hurt as a result?  Why can’t we just multi task … I can program on a date … I got wireless …

Well … as my time runs out … and my next task calls me … I’m going to have to keep this short.

Is it just me?  Have I just not learned to properly accept the amount of time I have to invest in another individual?  Am I selfish with my time … like I am with my poptarts?  Does it get easier???


  1. I think it will be easier for you if you find someone who has the same time constraints as you do…. that way, she'll be too busy to hound you. On the other hand, if you get a chick who does not have a child, and has to work a clear cut 40 hours a week, you will have a problem.

  2. I think that men are less willing to "make time" then women are… If we like you, we will rearrange shit, call in favors, find babysitters, lose sleep, do our homework 2 days early, etc. to make sure we can go out on a date Friday night. Not because we want to go out – but because we want to see you.

    Guys will be like, I have too much to do and I'm tired.. lol.

  3. I think it is true that you will find time for the person if they really mean that much to you. When I was really interested in this one particular guy, I always found time to see him; but now that I am no longer interested in him in that way; he's not a priority and he's lucky to get me on the phone. My schedule is just as busy as it was before, but the key thing is–he's not a priority anymore so I talk to him when I feel like it (which is rare because I'm busy doing something else).

    If someone's a top priority, they'll be fit in somewhere during the course of your day or week.

  4. When someone is of some imporatance to you, you will make time, and if she really understands the hecticness (is that a word?) of your schedule she will treasure anytime u do get to spend together.

  5. I think at the current moment I am doing cards, downloading a song, cleaning the bathroom and doing cooking. I have to get up incredibly extra stupid early and each day I miss out on getting a little something done. This is saying something if you ask me.

    Life's busy and hectic…I say hmph…now when I wanna get something done with that special someone I work on it on my way, try to leave early and do it while I wait and sometimes spend all night…that's been my life so far.

  6. when you find "her" you'll both come to an understanding of what is expected and the time/effort to put to it. We women can be demanding but like your post last week, if we have our own ish going on too then it's not that big of a deal and we understand. You'll make the time. Never go looking for love, especially not at the club. For now, keep doing you and let it happen.

  7. I gotta disagree with you SBM, time is ON your side, simply because you decide what you will do with your time. I agree with Shelia, what is priority you will always have time for. If you want to do what ever activity it may be, you will find time for it.

  8. when i think of time with a S.O. i dont think about the actual "hours" its more about the quality. A 5 min phone conversation can be more productive and an better experince than a 2 hour dinner. True Story.

  9. I agree with Running Mom and Sheila. When you meet the right person, you make the time. I'm extremely busy all the time, but I find the time for the people I want to spend time with in general. I think that some people are less willing to bend and be flexible, and that is the problem. It doesn't matter if the other person has the same time constraints as you, if both of you are not willing to compromise on time. It's simply a matter of what you want to make time for in life, when you meet someone who you think is a priority, you will make the time. If not, you may find yourself single for a very long time.

  10. SBM, I feel you. With two jobs, side jobs, and everything else going on, I don't go out looking for love. But I find time for people currently in my life that are important. The only thing is none of the contenders have stepped out as "the one", so until that happens or until I meet "her", I can't sacrifice too much time for potentials and maybes. Dating just isn't high on my priority list right now.

  11. So, there are a few people claiming that u just have to reorder priorities and whatnot … but doesn't anyone else just feel bad about canceling out other high priority tasks? Maybe i just feel like everything I'm working on is super important and I feel too swamped to give up another significant chunk of time.

    Hell, I've damn near given up Twitter as a result of this same thing. And I blog a lot less. Oh … and my house is dirty as sh*t

  12. Time is always on your side, my friend.

    I personally have the attitude that my time is my time. I will let someone know when I will invest said time into them but they have to be about their ish. I don't wait for anyone else nor will I be penciled in as some sort of convenience. If you have a meeting of the minds, you all will know how to divvy it up.

  13. I've found that women don't care about your side hustles, gigs, etc…they mostly just care about themselves. A little story: I heard the serial entrpreneur and Dallas Mavs owner, Mark Cuban, say that he had to dump countless women when he was working on his first 2 major ventures. These women gave him the same ultimatum: "Choose me or the business!" I think we all know what he chose…

    Caveat: Some women are not completely self-centered and might actually support a brotha making moves…they are few and far between.

  14. @Arctic Pimp

    That's an immediate dismissal from me. DO NOT GIVE THE CPT AN ULTIMATUM! I had someone speak greasy out the side of their neck one time and that's the last I'll hear of that ish again! Get in where you fit in or walk!

  15. I'm a selfish bastard. I prioritize my time according to what makes me feel the best. If I like being around my significant other, I'll cut other stuff out or bring the other stuff with me (if doable on a computer), and do it with the sig other there. If I wanna go play ball or spend a weekend alone doing other miscellaneous things that make me feel good or need to be done, I'll just disappear and do it.

    There's nothing wrong with being selfish with your time. I find that when you try to appease everyone else but yourself, you're left struggling and stressed while others benefits from your efforts. My sanity is worth more than a smile on someone's face…usually.

  16. U know what i used to make time for women and eventually i learned i lost nothing but time so i do my thing and just fit women in

  17. Hey darlin,

    My personal opinion. Work on you. Love you. Invest in you. That way a few things will happen.

    1. You will love you, ragardless of if anyone else ever does.
    2. You will be more appealing and thus have a greater chance of finding her. You often are who you attract. Think about it.
    3. The Most High will favor you because of course working on you also means investing in your relationship with him.

    I too am not dating actively and I am happy. er. Happier. Because I have what many people don't: I love me. 🙂

    Enjoy your day.

  18. I work 2 jobs, go to school full-time, intern, blog (when I can), deal with students who never seem to sleep,and a host of other stuff. However, when I want to hangout with someone I MAKE TIME. I am a little selfish and don't like my schedule being interrupted. But if I am really digging you, please believe I will open a space in my schedule.

    Usually we know our schedule ahead of time, if you set a date why can't you just get those other things done ahead of time. If you are not willing to make the time, then don't complain(not saying that you are) about not having a woman when you are ready. All those things you name are important to you. Growing a relationship with someone should be equally important, especially if you see potential.

  19. Read the "4-hour work week"

    Teaches you about proper time management

    Either your doing business or your busy doing nothing

    And its true, a new boo will infuse you with the clarity to cut out the mundane/trivial things that are wasting your time and allow for numerous pockets of hours to readily become available in places that were once closed



  20. @The Business Woman

    You seem to be all about the next next level. Come down from Venus 2.0. We ain't quite there yet. You assume that the woman knows how a man should spend his time. That is not true for every woman.

  21. I have never dated you specifically, however I have never encountered a man who is busier than me. As busy? Sure. Busier? Nope. People make time for what they want.

  22. I'm a pretty busy person as well. I go to school work as a paralegal part-timefull time depending on if I'm working on a big case and do work in a high school. All of which is very time consuming. But, when I meet someone I think is worth while I can make time.

    Sometimes I can finish my work ahead of time. Other times I can take it with me and do some @ his house or mine. The 2 of you can figure something out. I think the bottom line is if you really like someone you will learn to prioritize and incorporate said person into your life. Key word here incorporate not make said person your everything


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This