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How to Become a Man’s Best Friend

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Become the Best Friend of a Man

Since we’re on a roll with blog entries, I figured I’d continue in style and attack a topic very close to the heart of many women/girls..the decent looking female that has a lot of close guy friends. You know who I’m talkin’ about. Don’t kid yourself, ladies! You know who she is because you are her or you don’t like her. She’s the chick who happens to be close friends with ya man or the dude you’ve been chasing that won’t take notice of your efforts. She’s successfully cracked the passcode that has allowed her to almost become “one of the fellas”. Regardless of which side you’re on, this can be extremely frustrating. I’ve heard both sides of the table. I’ve read quite an amazing blog entry that explains the cunning “good friend” that lurks in the shadows waiting to lay claim to her throne. Have mercy should the female be more than a 6.5 on the attractive scale. I chose that number arbitrarily by the way and I chose to become the best friend of my man.

The fact of the matter remains that she is either perceived as a great friend or the worst enemy. Yes, she has other female friends that like her and understand why she has the male friends she does. Chances are a lot of women don’t like her friends either. Then again, do any women more than 1 degree of separation apart like each other initially? Most likely not.

Now I’m not disputing that there aren’t women that are drippin’ with greeze. It’s obvious in many a movie and a many a story that has been told. It’s no secret that women possess a certain level of calculated cold-heartedness that is borderline scary. How do you distinguish between the heroes and the villains? Quite honestly, I’m not sure that you can.

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There’s a saying to the effect of “Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies even closer.” Now it does suck to have to assume that other women are automatically enemies and that you must be nice to them for shady reasons. I parallel this with any other competition for limited resources, especially if it rings true that “there aren’t that many good guys out there.” I know that I’m a good dude. All the writers here are some of the most amazing individuals on earth (lettin off that e-swagger). Why wouldn’t we have a nice mix of female friends? That probably means our phones will ring at inopportune times while we’re with our boos and we’ll be forced to explain ourselves and calm shorty down as we recite “Relax, she’s just a friend.”

Rather than be angry at another woman you barely know and keep tabs on her Facebook, Myspace, or Black Planet (yes, Black Planet) page, you should focus on cracking that code. After all, men are simple creatures. We often live to eat, sleep, beat, skeet, then sleep some more. I know that’s abrasive and raunchy and everything else that’s wrong, but unfortunately and fortunately it’s true. With that being said, you can become that best friend, or at least move up the ladder a few rungs. Some of you will use this advice as knowledge to unleash your true evil potential. Please don’t. I know you will do it anyway.

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Please don’t. Nonetheless, here are some tips:

  • Don’t ask questions about favorite colors and other petty things thinking that you are really getting to know him. A fashionable dude may like certain color schemes. His appearance is important, so take notice that he values that. Cop that shirt for him that matches his fitted! If you’re broke, show him where you saw the shirt.
  • Don’t ask too many questions about that female friend. He will get annoyed and assume jealously. I’m not saying don’t ask any questions. You have a right to know how long she has been around and how they met. I suggest you ask those same questions about his male friends as well. Otherwise, cool your f*ckin jets chill out. You can learn a lot if you’re patient enough to observe why she plays such a big role in his life. No more of this “I ain’t comparing myself to any other woman” or “Don’t compare me to other women, cuz I’m not them” sh*t. Suck it up Sacrifice the ego for a bit and learn something.
  • Sex is superb. It’s not the cure all (to most), but it’s good. Don’t use it to make you and your man closer. His female friend didn’t need to…hopefully. If you aren’t dating this guy and you start your fight for his best friend status by letting him dive into your pool of love, you may be relegated to a late night resource…even if you put it on him.
  • Don’t pick fights to ignite passion in the relationship because if she is close enough, he will ask her for advice on how to handle you. You want him to ask you how to make things better. Communication is clutch. The less hands in your relationship, the better off anyway.
  • Stay out of his phone or social media accounts! If you try to be Monk or Psych long enough, you will find something to twist and support your claims. Then again, you may have a reason to be suspicious. I wanna say use good judgment, but that’s relative to the individual. How about don’t OD? Eh, that doesn’t work either. Oh well.
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To summarize, you can become the best friend of a man if you’re not already and even you can date that friend. There are some sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good. Stop worrying about what other women are doing. Because if you are doing everything in your power to be a good friend to your guy/the guy you ‘ve been pursuing, you shouldn’t have to spend your time angry at other chicks. I could list some other suggestions, but I’m curious to see what everybody thinks of these. Feedback is crucial! The floor is open for discussion…

Truly Believing Friendship is Essential to the Soul,

slim jackson

Comment(27)

  1. Amen Slim…I had 3 guy friends who consider me their best girlfriend, and all their girl friends hated me with a passion assumed we were sleeping together and didn't want them talking to me. The one girl caused a friend and i to loose touch for 2 years. She's the one who saw me and came to me and apologized. She said she realized we were only friends and she shouldn't have been so insanely jealous. She use to call my phone and everything. It was crazy. I've learned men don't like alot of questions, they like to be understood above all. They like girls who get them. in all their quirkness,that u understand their thought process.

  2. If you are quiet long enough, a fool will show you his colors… For women, all you have to do is observe your man with his "chick friend," look for body language and his voice tone… Is he flirting?

    There's no need to make something out of nothing. I'm "best girl friend" to this guy that I did have s3x with initially, but it won't happen again… there's no threat of it on my end, so there is nothing for his new boos to wory about.

  3. I have been this girl over and [email protected] over again. I think some of it is just how you play things. It's about versatility and how comfortable you can be with a person. In fact, one of my best guy friends…omg…since we were teens his mom would be like I'm gone to bed yall be good. I never thought of anything s3xual with him…and he's one of many where it's just that cool bro/sis vibe. And when they have relationship troubles I'll say something and jump back quick…I ain't tryna have no chick whoopin up on me cause you a fool

  4. I think you are living in my head SLIM…this topic eats at me sometimes because my best friends are guys and I ponder "What Will Christin Do?" when I am married.
    Been there done that Akua…oh and this is the kicker…wait for it….after me and one of best friends have been tight like mashed potatoes and gravy for 5 years, me being the Godmother to their children and being friends with both of their families, I get accused of all of a sudden wanting him by his wife. Whatever! My mother was a product of infidelity and she instilled in me by leading by example that you just don't do that. I respect the unity and sanctity of a marriage and relationships and would never get involved with a man that I know is committed to someone…let along a n*gga with some kids, a mortgage and clearly an incompentent wife…lol. Plus for the last five years I've seen first hand how they did each other and I wants no parts of that. When I say I never saw this coming…it is not an exaggeration.

    Nicki, you surely know what to say that if you stay quiet enough, a fool will show his (in her case her…lol) colors. Clearly my best friend saw this coming and didn't handle his business and I got caught up in the middle of their mess. Nonetheless, if your friend has communication, relationship issues and you mix that with the woman he's dating/married to having low self-esteem, no self-respect, being passive aggressive and the fact that she is jealous and reaching to have the communication and friendship with her man that you have because he has flat out told her that he doesn't like her and that he doesn't consider her a friend, there is going to be a problem. However, the problem she had wasn't with me, it was with my best friend. Come to find out during our argument that he was telling her one thing when she would address him with concerns about his female friends and then telling me and his other friends another thing. You know, trying to remain the man as if he was running stuff when it clearly wasn't the case based on what she was saying that night.

    This idiot had the nerve to ask me to call her and tell her when I was going to hang out with him so she could no what he was doing. I'm thinking to myself, "Are you serious? You need me to help you run your house? Why am I checking in with you when he obviously won't? Girl, you play too much."
    I mean, I never stopped by without calling, didn't call in the middle of the night talking about lets go kick it, never made as much as a pass or wink at dude. We had family cookouts, get togethers at my house, his house…of course with everyone invited. Witnessed both births of the kids, helped see about the kids, cooked for them in their house too. I have no attraction to this brother whatsoever. He actually asked me to be her firend cause she didn't have any…I see why now. He's a good brother, but I just don't see him that way…an after 5 years, its just not changing…lol.

    I said all that to say that regardless of your friendship, if he/she is not handling their business in their relationship it can adversly affect the friendship no matter how nice, friendly and welcoming you are to the other person. We are still best friends and I'm there if he or his family needs me, but things aren't the same and never will be. I was made a part of a situation that could have been avoided completely if they had their business in order. And based on her actions that night, misery loves company and I refused the invite indefinitely! If she had of caught me about 3 years earlier, yall would've heard this story on A & E or 20/20.

    He told me once that she misses me which I dismissed as a lie to get a reaction out of me. I have no respect for a woman that cannot run her house and play her role. Nobody should be able to cause ruckus in your relationship unless one of two parties allow it. Friends, family and otherwise need to be put on notice about what is going to change and what's not going to change when you take a relationship to the next level. Because ultimately, people only do what you let them do. Another woman should not be able to make you feel insecure about your man and vice versa for men.

  5. "Nonetheless, if your friend has communication, relationship issues and you mix that with the woman he’s dating/married to having low self-esteem, no self-respect, being passive aggressive and the fact that she is jealous and reaching to have the communication and friendship with her man that you have because he has flat out told her that he doesn’t like her and that he doesn’t consider her a friend, there is going to be a problem. "

    Amen to that Cristin!

  6. Do us fellas really need a female best friend is the question?
    Is this something women aspire to become? I hear people say you should marry your best friend but really…

  7. I wouldn't say you need one. I don't need a guy friend but I enjoy hanging out with guys more because there is less drama (for the most part). If you find a cool chick to hang out with, would you just not get tight with her because she's a female? Do you see that as a problem? Just asking.

  8. Awesome post, great writing too. I've always had nothing but guy friends. Even in high school, I was good friends with my HS sweethearts’ friends. But I never tried to be a best chick friend on purpose or tried to elevate my status. I think it comes from me having a mom that was a tomboy and 7 close uncles. Dudes automatically see me as a cool chick and more than I like to admit, I've always been considered one of the guys. More so in college, my close friend looked at me one day and was like "son, I keep forgetting you a female!" Yea, he's from Maryland, and it wasn't surprising though. Mind you I've always been feminine looking, I just blended personality wise.

    My wealth of close guy friends has become an issue recently since I've been dating a guy with jealous tendencies. Trust is a big thing. Trust when I tell you he's just a friend, we cool like that, and I would never hang out with one of them without you knowing. I think I've only been jealous once of another women, but I was just his friend too. I was jealous of their friendship, he wanted more, I just wanted to be great friends like they were.

    My guy now has a godson and I sometimes think the mom has ulterior motives. Especially when he plans to go down there to visit his homie that's in the same city and she says hey you can stay at my spot. But he's a good man because he told me and found it insanely ridiculous because he wasn't even planning on seeing her. 😀 lol… women definitely need to know their place in the friendship and let it vibe. If it's suppose to be more, then it will be. If not, just keep it moving.

  9. I'm in the "one of the fellas" category. I can appreciate it for what it is, but I seem to be ALWAYS in that category. Maybe it's because of my laid-back nature, but I'm usually placed in that category and nothing more. So, trust, I'm not one of those ladies trying to make my guy friend my man…I mean, crushes DO tend to randomly appear in those situations, but this ain't Brown Sugar. I'm usually so "comfortable" with my male friends, I tend to believe they think of me as their sister. Either that or my male friend is gay, so there goes that possibility.

    I always wonder why women are so envious of the relationship I tend to have with guys, when I'm envious of theirs.

  10. @cheekie "I always wonder why women are so envious of the relationship I tend to have with guys, when I’m envious of theirs."

    That made me say hmmm with a very inquisitive and profound facial expression.

    @christin It seems I have struck a chord.lol.

    @cpt I don't think men necessarily NEED a female best friend, but the chick you're dating should be a really good friend as well. If you're dating a chick that's insecure in the relationship, you may find that yall don't have a friendship at the most basic level.

    @reign I suspect you have a lot of female enemies that you don't know about.lol.

  11. @ Slim: Yea I can say I do (even some that weren't with a guy friend… doesn't bother me, I do what I do) lol. But I usually win over the chicks by just talking to her and they come to understand that if I wanted him to be with me then it would have happened already. That's not what our friendship is about. Cause I'm the first one to let her know if he's doing her wrong, and my guy friends know that too. I value my guy friends very much and a play at a relationship could ruin the friendship. I've seen it in the reverse with a guy I use to date; we became good friends after we called it off. As friends he was so jealous when I would date other guys. He became a headache.

    Female friends need to be honest and truthful about their motives. I know a friendship can turn into a crush and you begin to want more. Then just go for it, or continue to wait in the sidelines while another chick scopes him up. But if you're like me, make friends with her, he'll value your friendship even more.

  12. @Slim: "That made me say hmmm with a very inquisitive and profound facial expression."

    This is that grass is always greener on the other street corner side type deal, I guess. But seriously, I'm sure I'm not the only "one of the fellas" chick that feels this way.

    Anyhow, at the rate I'm going, my future hubby will probably be my best friend first, which I welcome.

  13. I have more female friends than I do male friends. This topic hits close to home because I've had gf's that thought I was sleeping with some of my closer female friends. I am the type of person that really values friendship. I would never sleep with any of my female friends because I value their friendship too much.

    Now I do know that when I am in a realtionship, the way I interact with my female friends changes from the times when I'm not in a realtionship. Its about a respect factor. For instance, I wouldn't want my female friends calling me after a certain hour because it really doesn't send a good message. The same way I wouldn't want her male friends calling her after a certain hour (unless its an emergency).

    I think that males can have female friends and vice versa as long as everyone knows their role and are respectful of each other.

  14. @ Slim Jack
    Understood, me bruddah.

    @Christin:

    I meet the occasional cool chick…occasionally. I'm in a bit of a dry spell right now. Most of the cool ones I wouldn't mind going out with are older and married.

  15. Ummm ok, so in my younger years,I believed in that theory of "my play brother",yet the relationships were never substaining. For the two homeboys that I'd put into that category,(1) we've ended up in a terrible relationship ruining our friendship and (2) knocked several times and now we're not speaking. Well there were other elements to these situations, yet what's done is done.
    Therefore,as I've matured I know now how to keep certain boundaries and some of my favorite friendships are with my male homeys! I am accepted by their spouses and their significant others. I know my place and they know theirs, and we don't ever cross those boundaries.

    Secondly, I've been burned by the situation in some of my relationships, but I try my best to chunk it up as a lost and give each experience a clear outlook before assuming or questioning the validity of their "friendship".

  16. Reign, it's funny after reading the Threewaystotake it posts today between you and I, I was thinking…hmm I bet she's someone who has a lot of male friends too. Level headed women tend to have more male friends, it seems, from the two posts today.

    Anyway, back to this post…I have always been someone who has had more guy friends. I always tend to hang on to my guy friends longer. I have had a couple in the past slip up and think they could turn it into a FWB, but for the most part, my guy friends have been strictly plutonic.

    As far as ladies hating on me, yeah I've definitely experienced that. I generally try to stay out of it if one of my guy friends has a jealous gf that doesn't understand our friendship.

  17. " Level headed women tend to have more male friends, it seems, from the two posts today."

    Or a lot of guys that they've slept with that are still around. From my experience some women tend to be friends with men that they have slept with while men tend to be just friends with women. Now a lot of dudes are waiting for there opportunity to take a crack at there female friend or they are just cool with them. But from what I have seen more men have female friends that have just been friends while I have seen more women that have male friends that use to be sex partners. I think thats why some women have problems with men having close female friends.

  18. So I've never been on here before, but this is a topic I know too well.

    I never had female friends until I got to college. All my friends were guys since we were kids and I, to this day, am their only female friend. I've devoted an entire post to why men and women cannot be friends (eventually, it will be ruined by one thing or another), but in the meantime, I've maintained most of my true friendships despite our hardships because of these reasons (and I have a little tidbit at the end as to why you can't be friends with your love interest also):

    1. I love women. Real talk. I'm not a lesbian, but I can appreciate an attractive woman, and feel comfortable verbalizing it. When I'm with my guy friends, if a bad chick walks by, I can agree that I'd hit that (if I were a man, of course). This takes away from all the discomfort and natural jealousies in women that can make a man not want to be friends with a woman.

    2. I can take it how I dish it. And I dish it hard. I will come at anyone with insults quickly and harshly without the slightest hesitation. I don't care whose feelings I hurt. Guys like that, especially when you don't get your feelings hurt if they come back at you. It takes a strong personality to put up with men's sarcasm. Like someone who has 5 older siblings and can hold her own in any verbal battle.

    3. I don't get emotional. When I give a guy friend advice about a woman, I don't get personal with them. I tell them the truth. If she's a gold-diggin' ho, I call it like I see it. If she's a good girl who deserves to be treated as such, I admit to that too. I don't catch feelings for any of my guy friends, and we have NEVER crossed the friend line EVER in 20+ years of friendship. You can't really be someone's friend who you used to smash. You just can't.

    oh, and 4. If they ditch me for a girl, I take it like a man. Literally. This is kinda a subset of #3. I don't take it personally because I know that girl is probably insecure being that I'm an attractive female (way above 6.5, please) and they talk about me a lot becuase I'm their only female reference. Now granted, if he drops me like stone cold for years or something, I'm not so forgiving but everyone falls off the earth for awhile when they're sprung. Don't take it personally.

    For all these reasons, I don't think it's a good look for a girl to want to be TRUE friends with someone they're interested in. Inevitably, the things that allow you to be their friend are the exact opposite of those which would allow you to be their girl. So pick one or the other, and act accordingly. But stick by your choice.

  19. I think that the dynamics of any relationship are constantly changing, including friendships. I have friends that are guys and friends that are girls. If one of my guy friends gets a new girl, I am not going to be overbearing, making my presence known and presenting myself like it's anything more than a friendship. Just like if my homegirl got a new man, I would fall back a little and give him time to develop his new relationship. If I was dating a guy and he had a female friend who constantly asserted herself I would seriously question that relationship.

  20. This whole posting reminds me of Chris Rock's bit on platonic friends. According to him, men don't have platonic female friends; they're just women men haven't f*cked yet… LMAO! Although I don't completely agree with his philosophy, I do find extreme humor in it. I think women and men can be just friends, given certain boundaries. Here's the Chris Rock bit, though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUhwFXM6Gg

  21. Interesting post. But some of the comments have peed off the feminist in me. Why do some women feel the need to talk badly about each other and distance themselves from other females? As if being 'one of the guys' is this amazing status we should all aspire to since women are bitchy, boring, overly emotional attention seekers. Some of the female commenters come across as interesting people- so why cant we accept the same from other women? I have some really great male friends who I love to bits. But I also have amazing female friends who I would never trade for the world. So lets stop trying to stereotype and categorise each other eh?

    I should probably put away my high horse and go to bed now 🙂

    Night all.

  22. No man on earth just wants to be in the friend zone. The friend zone hurts.

    Why?

    1. It requires all the time and attention of a real (sexual) relationship but none of the benefit.

    2. The energy you place into her problems and her life generally isn't returned.

    3. No one likes to be teased with a tall glass of water when he's dying of thirst.

    With that said:

    I find it amazing that women desire the friendzone…. Perhaps because of the flipside of some of the things I've mentioned above.

    I hate the friend zone… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Sorry about that…. I think I'm going to be following this thread

  23. Co-ed friednships while in a relationship can be damaging. My bf and I have been on and off for almost 8 years now and have a six year old and a baby on the way. Mainly, we met when we were younger so there wasnt alot of head ache about friends of the opposite sex in our younger years. However, as we got older we found it to be a problem. We both are attractive and had friends of the opposite sex and it wasn't a problem as long as our friends were dating other people. However, when friends of the opposit sex are single and can see the happiness in your relationship they tend to want something they cannot have. This is not true for ALL friendships of the opposite sex but some. My bf and I came to the conclusion that it's all in how the friendship started. If there was any type of initial attraction before determining to just remain friends, then this will cause problems in the relationship because the person is either jealous of the new gf or bf (that something more is working with them) or gf or bf is developing a bond the friend cannot except. However, I've found that friendships made while in a relationship with the person you love… rather you guys became mutual friends because of your gf or bf knows them or you guys met by having something in common but not enough for a real attraction (most co-workers or college students)… it's not damaging to your relationship. My bf and I still maintain friends with people of the opposite sex with rules like ensuring that the friends intentions is not based on attraction but a platonic friendship. Since we've been together so long it's natural for my bf and I to openly and honestly talk so there's isn't much jealously. Just as many of you say that when in the relationship, it should be handled by playing your role… same applies with friendships but your intentions can damage your friend's relationship easily… especially when the couple is angry with one another. I believe as long as everyone is on the same page any type of relationship can last.

  24. Ok, I love this topic…. This Chick and I have been best friends for 25 years. She is like my sister. She understands me and I her. She is the only other person, other than my wife that knows me inside and out. I almost lost her a few years ago do to a crazy X-wife. No "Redd" is beautiful and has a banging body but she is like a sister to me. I love her in that way and that way only. When we were younger her grandmother tried to set us up all the time. Now that I am remarried my new wife has no issues with my bestfriend. But I think that is because I introduced them to each other years ago. They are close and often talk. The difference is that my new wife understands that she has me and "Redd" had plenty of oppurtunity to have something to happen but nothing ever did. I was not going to lose a friend that I have had since the first grade. I made that known upfront to the wifey she understood.,

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