I like sex. Sex makes me feel great. I probably think about it at least 20 times a day (more like 40) and each thought is usually different than the previous. There are so many positions and scenarios that run through my dirty mind that I could make a female psychic blush, giggle, and cut me the bedroom eyes 10 times over. My friends have a variety of nicknames for me because my mind is so dirty, and it isn’t usually a bad thing. I can take just about anything and turn it into something sexual, but I usually exercise self control and keep it clean in the streets.
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t just sling D anywhere. As entertaining as it would be to watch my bunz count skyrocket into the 60’s, 70’s, or 80’s , I worry about the repercussions of hardbody thronxing. For the average guy my age and with my “affiliations”, I’d say I’m on the low side of things. But don’t get it twisted, that doesn’t make my bedroom shenanigans any less entertaining. I was engaging in man talk the other day with a couple of the fellas. We were recalling some of the most reckless things that have happened in bedroom history. The type of things that make you pause for a second and wonder what the f*ck is going on.
Example for the ladies:
You’re having pro wrestler type sex with a dude and you’re feelin’ what he doing with his thang. You think he’s bout to finish you off with backshots to the future, and without permission you feel him trying to manuever into the “exit only” orifice. OR, you’re doing something to him and he squeals for you to slip a finger into his A. What the eff do you do when this happens? Pause? That’s an understatement. Do you immediately dry up and cease to engage in activity? Do you just acknowledge his request and then ask questions later? Awkwardness.
Example for the fellas:
You’re beasting a chick and highly satisfied with your performance. She yells out in a burst of excitement the following: “Give it to me you big black f*ck ox!” OR, a chick that you respect and have sex with gets excited and tells you to let go in her grill. As for the former, is that a compliment? Do you pump it out and then ask her about her choice of words afterward? Personally, I’d explode in laughter and other ways eventually. As for the latter, how do you respond to such a random request? You know that once you sling that yogurt you’ll never look at her the same again. What do you do? If shorty’s a jump off, the answer is probably a lot more obvious.
For those that aren’t yet having sex, since it seems that there are a few of you out there, I’m sure you have your own variation of something awkward that could go down in the bedroom or on the couch while you’re gettin your spoon on. Let’s assume you at least bless the microphone. How do you respond if he says “You take that sh*t right now!” and pushes your head down? Do you squeeze him where it hurts or do you just stop and say “What the eff!?” Ya see. There’s a scenario for everybody!
These things may sound extreme or not so extreme depending on your freak level, but they happen. How would you respond to a random sexual request or outburst that you weren’t comfortable with or expecting? And if bold enough to tell, what’s the strangest request or attempt that’s been made and how did you handle it? It’s okay. Just say it happened to “your friend”. We won’t tell.