Home Dating & Relationships Dating Aiyyo! Tell me what you want from me!

Aiyyo! Tell me what you want from me!

30

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I remember one time when I was in elementary school I got in trouble for picking up that book and reading it. I guess even back then Mr. FAQs was charged with cracking the feminine mystique.

Let me begin by saying I am neither a hater nor c**k blocker, I just prefer for friends not to fraternize with one another. That’s not to say men I know are dogs and women I know are crazy h**s but I mean if the shoe fits…I kid I kid. At the end of the day I simply don’t want to know, and people are prone to share. I like life compartmentalized so that no one ever feels the need to share situations like the following:

Willimae: I’m mad at the lack of interest Brandon showed after we met
Mr. FAQs: :/
Mr. FAQs: To that affect I never called Alex
Willimae: He seemed so interested…musta been the a a a a aaalcohol
Willimae: Lol
Williemae: Yall are just a holes
Williemae: Glad I didn’t f**k him

I wish I could have given an answer or something for Brandon’s “lack of interest” but I couldn’t. He didn’t share anything about her to me, in fact she’s never been mentioned – just the way I like it. And yet I knew exactly where he was coming from because I to am that guy, I am Brandon.

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What I think many women have a problem/hard time understanding is that men can also go out for fun as well. Just as you may bat your eye to get that free drink, we may flash a smile and dimple to get that free a** rub.

Now, I’m no where near as eloquent as DMX but essentially I ask the same question. “What these [women] want from a ni**a?”

But of course the man is always in the wrong. I’m a chronic “non-follow upper.” Most times when Mr. FAQs is in a social setting, I get the number just to ensure that I still got it. Its a confidence booster. To women like Williemae (and before you label her anything, know that Williemae is a close friend), I say don’t take it personal.

My non-follow up habits are out of principle more than anything else. I like not being predictable and the run of the mill thirsty neegro. The act of exchanging numbers was so innocent at one point but now its generally accepted as a prelude to the bedroom. Just because I’m all up on you or had you engaged in a mind stimulating conversation doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you, it meant I felt like dancing and talking. I’m suppose to call you because that’s all I want. Wrong. If I was looking for that its places with a lot less overhead to begin my search.

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Willimae told me “dudes are wack.” And if this is the sentiment held by others, Mr. FAQs is indeed one wack dude. Like my man Sisco says, “heard you calling me name, said I was trifflin, on thing you gotta know, imma be a n***a for life!”

And Sisco’s correct. If we’re not trifflin we’re wack. This is something that I’ve had trouble with for probably all my life. The trifflin dude is the one that sends a friendly text and gets no response or some borderline rude answer. Or maybe he’ll give a call and will be labeled even more trifflin and more thirsty for the goodies. If we don’t do any of the above, we’re wack? If we don’t call or do follow up and keep it at an equilibrium clearly we lack in some kind of capacity right? I’m a believer of chivalry being dead and if the women wants something more than the man is letting on, perhaps she should make the move. But that’s too much like right.

So Willimae and I ended the conversation right there. I had no words, no advice because Mr. FAQs just doesn’t know. I had done the same as Brandon to a female friend of his own I met that very night.

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So what these women want from a n**ga? Somebody let me know!

Comment(30)

  1. Each woman is different, so I don't want to speak for the whole group. If a man is not showing interest, I don't sweat it…now. Oh, don't get me wrong I used to be Willimae, gladly not anymore. The friendly dude who sends the text got no response because the women was expecting a call. The thristy dude gets labeled because he made the effort to call, just too many times. My point in saying that is that we are all different. Yes, I know women that would respond in those ways and I know women that would of reacted completely different. Maybe men should try figuring out what the women in their life want instead trying to figure us out as a group. I think it would lessen your head scratching days 🙂

  2. "Maybe men should try figuring out what the women in their life want (individually) instead trying to figure us out as a group. I think it would lessen your head scratching days"

    Second that, Amen, nuff said.

  3. I agree with JaneDoh in that we are all different. Some women haven't gotten it yet…

    One of my girls couldn't understand why this guy had invited us over for drinks, kissed her but then, never answered any of her calls or texts and didn't give her any further correspondence. She didn't understand that maybe he just wanted a fun moment with her.

    I'm not too pressed if a guy is not calling me, I just figure he's not really feeling me and I move on.

  4. MR. FAQ, what I want from a man is for him to be himself. At that point, I'll decide whether or not I want to deal with him. If you're not good at communicating and communicating is important to me; then I would know that and realize, hey this guy isn't for me. It doesn't make him a bad guy, but I know he's not someone I would want to be involved with on that level. I'll put the guy in the friend category and keep it moving.

  5. Co-signing some more. We are all different so it is important to figure out what Willimae's problem is (aside from being named Willimae. What is that?)

    As a teenager I was the rejection queen because my male friends told me that most guys are just asking for your number to see if they still got "it." But if a woman doesn't know about the game she would really think a guy is into her because they are annoyingly persistent (well some are.) I've told dudes everything short of "I'm a leper, with a case of SARS," and still had them asking for my number. For me (and most women) if someone rejects me I back off immediately. If you reject a man once, it's almost as if he feel like he should try three more times, just in case…

    With that kind of attention why wouldn't Willimae (honestly, there were no other names?) believe someone who asked for her number wasn't really interested?

  6. First off, I barely give my number out because I am ultra sensitive about who has access to me…dunno why. Can't be bothered with marginal, whether friend or future interest.

    However, what I need from a man…
    How about this…

    Say what you mean and mean what you say.

    So if you just want to be my friend and hang out now and again with no panty access…say that.
    Or if you want to get all up inside me…say that.
    If you think I could be the great love of your life…don't say that exactly 'cause you will scare the shit out of me…but at least tell me you'd like to get to know me further than "just being friends"…open to long-term possibilities.

    That way…I don't have to try and read your man mind with my oh-so female mind. Then we can be from the same damn planet.

    But one thing you don't do…is ask for my number under some false pretense of boosting your own personal ego of "still have it" bullshit…by implying you'll call. That isn't a characteristic of a confident man…it's the characteristic of a marginal man. Just sayin'.

  7. same old same old. women

    ALWAYS

    want what they cant have. and american women, especialy the sistas are the biggest culprits. the same drive that motivates them to work longer hours to get ahead in the boardroom seems to be the same force that makes them always think they can "do better."

    kinda like a challenge they have to overcome.

    its also a distorted high self opinion. you will notice alot of sistas wil not give out their number because of this. but the men they think wont call they give their number to with the quickness. but when the guy dosent call… it shrinks them further into their shell.

    the answer you usually hear is "men are whack" "he musta just wanted the pussy, men are dogs" "he must like WHITE GURLS" and the most popular "why dosent he like me.. I got it goin on"

    alot of these issues need to be addressed by OPRAH before we can move on to fix the many dating and interpersonal problems we have in our culture.

  8. @HNIC…
    You just ethered the board, man. I'd like to comment but the napalm and foliage is still aflame and smoking…LOL.

  9. Truth be told, women don't know what they want from a man(dude). No, they don't know how to get it. In most cases, women can give signs but a man has to want to pursue her.

    If she doesn't intrigue him (and this includes a dude getting digits to be sure he's still got it), she doesn't have much of a chance. Period.

    And that's not whack. As Mr. FAQs said: It's the same as the girl who gets the free drink or dinner from a guy she'd never give a chance.

    Good post.

  10. OKAY THAT DIDN'T COME THRU RIGHT:

    Truth be told, women don’t know what they want from a man(dude). Scratch that. No, they don’t know how to get it. In most cases, women can give signs but a man has to want to pursue her.

    If she doesn’t intrigue him (and this includes a dude getting digits to be sure he’s still got it), she doesn’t have much of a chance. Period.

    And that’s not whack. As Mr. FAQs said: It’s the same as the girl who gets the free drink or dinner from a guy she’d never give a chance.

    Good post.

  11. HNIC do you even like women???, just a quesion…… you act as if the male ego doesn't exist and men are not guilty of the same BS on a much higher level……….please GTFOOHWTBS :-/

    Women should value themselves MORE as a matter of fact and so should men, sexually and or otherwise, that would certainly alleviate slot of ills!

    Bottomline to this post tho every encounter is not that serious, a man that wants you WILL pursue you and let it be known its you he wants to get to know, be with, spend time etc in words and more importantly action

  12. "Bottomline to this post tho every encounter is not that serious, a man that wants you WILL pursue you and let it be known its you he wants to get to know, be with, spend time etc in words and more importantly action"

    Amen.

    @Kwana: "HNIC do you even like women???"

    Girl, we done faught that battle many, many times on this blog. It's not even worth getting your blood pressure up over. After a while, u just learn to read over certain comments PERIOD, ya know?

  13. I get numbers just to make sure I still got it…then I delete them at the end of the weekend…(unless dude came correct or was fine as hell)…dudes do it.

    I think men & women are essentially the same, only exception to the rule is, women mature quicker (although, I must admit, I've fallen off that wagon…I digress)

    So guys will chase ass, run the street, drink & club till they are 40, women stop earlier….(although in 99% of cases we don't have to chase the d**k)

  14. Idon't think talking or dancing is a prelude to sex or a relationship. It be just that or a cool person to kick it with sans getting the booty.I delete a number within 3 days if there's been no phone call and keep it moving.

    @kwana- you act as if the male ego doesn’t exist and men are not guilty of the same BS on a much higher level……….please GTFOOHWTBS :-/

    lol so

    @NIcki Sunshine- lol thanks for the tip

  15. Couple thangs…

    That song is still hot and still in rotation in the itunes. I could say the same thing for men. Sigh.

    @ Ms. Hall

    I was thinking the same thing! Hopefully this is an alias and not a real name. Poor girls got lots more trouble than men if so (crazy ass parents).

    @ Kwana in DC

    I always think the same thing when I read his posts. I feel so sorry for his wife!

  16. I've gotten numbers with no intention of calling said female. Like you already said, I did it because I wanted to know that I still had it. Also, I tend not to call women that I meet in clubs anyway. Unless our conversation was that intriguing and she was THAT bad.

  17. @ DC Dating Diva
    I do not think women mature faster than men. Actually, men figure out pretty soon that they cannot be in the club chasing skirts forever early on, they make a conscious decision not to stop chasing skirts until they are 40. Women on the other hand, want to be all out in the mix having fun because they can still pull a guy, until one day they realize their one of the last cars on the used car lot. Then they rush to settle down.

    In all honesty…
    I think all women really want from a guy is for him to be honest. Outside of that, there's really no standardize list of requirements across the gender.

  18. LOL Dr.J everybody don't club or feel the need to be "all up in the mix" whateva that means, plus its a known fact females mature faster than males dear, from adolescence onward…….now is everyone a mature acting responsible adult, well thats on a case by case basis isn't it??? LOL

  19. *sigh* here we go again… i feel women bashing coming on riiiiight now…

    women are such weird creatures. i mean, one minute they one thing and the next minute they want another. or the insecurities get the best of us and we're living in a dichotomy of wanting to be considered "cool" by ole boy but really wanted to jump all over him and have him jump all over her. some want the thirsty dude. wait, i lied about that… no one wants the thirsty dude but i can say this.

    all women want to feel desired and respected. how does this look? you call but don't talk about sex. you take her out and give her the "sex me eyes" but leave the night with a kiss. you pick her brain and have some mind sex before effin her brains out…

    ya dig?

  20. I haven't read all the comments … but getting a number to see if you "still got it" is perfectly valid. Just because I grinded on you, talked you uped, and left with your number makes no indication in anyway shape or form that I actually liked you or plan to use it at all. I was shocked when I found out that women really do expect us to call a number we get.

    Personally, I call some 15% of numbers I get. And if I do … I'm looking for a quick beat. It's a mean game out here … but them's be the breaks.

  21. women are flawed, men are flawed, and girls are EXTREMELY flawed. its just the way it is.

    Kwana, darling. trust me… I LOVE women. a bit too much. but we have to lay down a certain amount of truth when talking about situations like this because other young black single men will come and read over these comments.

    I am not the first person to say women dont know what they want. other women who are more realistic will tell you that as well.

    notice now women push for marriage more (than before 1980) but also file for divorce more?
    women "mature" faster is accurate. but i dont think a single person on this blog has not passed puberty, so that point is very moot. being physically mature, mentaly and emotionally as well, STILL dosent mean you know what you want.

    ladebelle is pretty much saying the most sensible thing here. The lesson I learned from my oh so brief stint being single. women, and especially sistas… will expect a certain type of decorum. from hood rat to wanna be omorosa, they all have a guideline they expect from you. I have had women call me up ONLY for sex, who didnt respect me a single ounce for anything past my body and smile, but still want me to make "small talk" when i would come over. If you "talk dirty" or even mention sex…. would get offended. eventhough the only relationship slot she has you in.. is boytoy.

    Treat them how they feel they need to be treated and the relationship will be settled and stay on the course it started gentlemen. dont try to re invent the wheel and play their "game"

    but

    you could also be like me. once you find a woman who dosent have a "game" you can marry her =) trust me…. the tired chick thats making you beg for sex and play the "game" in your early 20's will be a spinster in her 30's anyway.
    young black men gotta remember, theres more women than fine black men. you really dont have to play their game cuz you got the numbers on your side.

  22. "Willimae" is just an alias…its amusing to me, kinda like the name "Rufus."

    And in all honesty, was not meant to be female bashing at all…just clarification that it…scouts honor

  23. ONE who cares women mature faster than men-in the last five yrs most of the "baby moms" (read: broke up with due the DAY child was born-or they split during the pregnancy) -I met are ( degreed up single independent women) making the SAME choices as the ghetto chicks they thought they were "better than"…Where is the maturity there-shoot a shorty I had eyes on I had to fall back cuz she was seeing a guy-who is married and its a good thing I did cuz now she having his baby-she got a job-car and is very much well to do but I dont see where any of that maturity is. Now as for the topic itself-I think men feel at times women allow themselves time with a man that they shouldnt have or shouldnt have made it what it turned out to be such as the guy that bails soon as you pregnant but yall ig the brother who only wanted at best causal sex.

    After all the dude who doesnt take care of the baby yall had is the guy thats really not into you-as a man I am saying "damn sweetheart all I wanted was a date and some sex-called you got no answer but six months later you pregnant-damn it wasnt even that deep" I have run into chicks that it "went nowhere" but two babies and with baby daddy drama I dont want anything to do with ehr-they still cool but now they mothers and you cant help but to feel they forced something that wasnt there but overlooked the better alternative. And I dont bag chicks to see if I still "have it". I can tell by her body language that she is interested-I can get to that moment and then decide "should I cuz I know she wants to me ask" -but I dont always close the deal- now if I want ya number sweetheart I intend to call-now once I get it though I dont put it in phone book I put in the notes-if things get rolling then I put her in the phone book.

  24. (insert Katt Williams impression) this shit right here ni99a! pure comedy!

    I outgrew the "he's being nice and engaging, he WANTS me" phase a few years ago, but I've definitely been there…

    I don't give out my number out of obligation because we've had a nice vibe in a social setting…if he asks…I consider it, but if I think it's obligatory…I pass…but it does make me feel like I've still got it…

    I am bad about follow through too…but I NEVER delete the number…they just get the "Stanky Leg" ringtone, because if I delete it, I may accidentally answer that mugg and be forced to deal with the uncomfy convo to follow…

    Ladies (and gentleman too) sometimes their just not that into you..

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