My post Monday (Can I be any clearer?) brought a quick response from a fellow male who is having a recurring issue of being clear just not working (some people are just don’t want to listen). While my wisdom is deeper than the pacific, I know the collective thought of my great readers is so much greater. But first … the email
I read this post (Can I be any clearer?) earlier but didn’t get a chance to comment. I am going through this right now. My on and off girlfriend for almost the past year keeps bringing up the marriage thing. I let her know in the beginning that I wasn’t looking to get married and was just looking to enjoy life. I’m only 24. Marriage is just something I don’t think I WANT to deal with; would be too much responsibility for me. If I settle down with someone we would just have to try the co-habitation thing. From the jump I’ve been honest with her about it but she has just been stuck on marriage and is just so distraught over it. So I’ve tried to break it off a couple times but she pulled me back in and admittedly I let her. I do have feelings for her but she seems to be on the stuff the article talks about. I’ve known this, and that’s why I always remind her (bring her back down to earth) when it comes up or as she calls it “hurt my feelings.” I just keep it real.
We just got back together (even though we were never really apart) after a month and a half. I’m stuck and now thinking if I should have because one thing she said was that “I always get what I want” and she is sort of the bitter type so I thinking she is STILL on that. We were trying the friend thing and from my side it was working but I’m starting to figure out that it just can’t work.
I enjoy being in a relationship but at the same time I enjoy my freedom. I like spending time with her and doing things, that’s why I wanted to try the friend thing but I’m starting to think that just may not work. She is too bitter of a person so I would have to cut ties as much as I can.
This article is perfect timing for me and I know she has a case of selective hearing syndrome.
From that brief summary, what is your opinion of the situation?
First I must say you sound like a good upstanding guy. Your not afraid of being in a relationship, you’ve been with your girl for a year, and you were good enough to be upfront with her about your intentions.
Second, I don’t like her. You have been dating on and off for a year, and she is already harassing you about marriage. Your only 24, and while that was the average marrying age 30 years ago, it’s not anymore. You haven’t even had a full year of a happy relationship bliss, and already she is pressing you to get married?!?! I don’t think I even need to waste the space explaining all the things that are wrong with this, unless there are some extenuating circumstances I don’t know about (ya’ll have a kid together for example).
In addition, she told you “I always get what I want”!!! If there is one thing I hate more than Soulja Boy … it’s people with a sense of entitlement. And the fact that she is “bitter” irks me more. She sounds like a spoiled individual who is hellbent on getting what she wants.
The sad part about being clear with someone is … they might not listen to you. Personally, hold your ground and defend it. I don’t think it’s ridicuous that your not ready to get married, your happy with being in a relationship with her, and she needs a better reason for ignoring what your telling her then “she always gets what she wants”. That old school SBM wants to say “dump the b***” … but the new happily bunned up SBM knows the happiness a good woman brings … so I would sit her down and have a real heartfelt and honest talk about it.
If that don’t work … time for match.com …
Good people, what say you? What should this poor brother who is being harassed do? Is his girlfriend right for begging for a ring? What would you do?