Spring is here! The flowers are preparing to show their colors. It’s warming up just enough to not have to crank up the heat every night. The bees and other insects are beginning to make their presence known much to my dismay. All the department stores are stacked up with spring time clothing items. People are purchasing their Claritin and Benadryl. Oh yes, Spring is indeed here!
There’s something else about Spring that is both great and awful at the same time. It’s the beginning of the dating/fling season. This is the time of year where couples start falling apart and breakups run rampant. Since around March 20th, I’ve already seen at least 15 broken heart icons on Facebook signaling the end of many a relationship. At first, I was a little bit confused. This was followed by curiosity, which was followed by investigation (They call me Detective Dick). I was able to confirm that my suspicions were correct, and that from now through like September more people will be flying solo, racking up the body count, and adding notches to their belts. It brings joy and sickens me at the same time.
The Spring and Summer seasons bring a few travel holidays/events that require people to gather in massive numbers and consume large amounts of alcohol. For those of you still in school or not too far removed, you’ve probably done some pretty crazy things over a spring break whether you were single or in a relationship. If you did have a booboobear at home, I’m sure you said or did some things elsewhere that he or she would not be very happy with if they knew. You’d probably be bodied already.
Memorial Day weekend in Miami presents another opportunity for folks to see each other in few clothing items while consuming a lot of alcohol. I’ve been there 2 years in a row and the whole place just smells like sex. Asses, titties, legs, and muscles are everywhere. Drinks are constantly in hand. It really is a great time down there, but having a significant other really limits “the opportunities for fun”. The solution? Break up with them a month in advance!
Though the 4th of July is a bit more low key, it’s another opportunity for people to get together somewhere, drink, then have sex. Nothing’s better than bbq, beer/liquor, and orgasms. Even though you could have all of this with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife, it just wouldn’t be as exciting. Since most of us aren’t married, it would still be easier for us to just end things with a significant other and then hit the streets for some good times. Labor Day weekend brings one of the last major opportunities to go wild before it’s time to settle down and find someone to f*ck occupy you through the fall and winter months as the temperature drops. It has a lot of similarities to the 4th of July, except I think even fewer people travel. Skeet skeet my brethren. Sleep sleep my back blown ladies.
Lastly, tis the season for contractual spring flings. This is the season where we find somebody that we have no interest in dating and just have sex over and over until it loses its edge. You honestly don’t care what or who that person is doing in their free time as long as they keep frolicking with you on the regular. Ahh, this is such a great time of the year! I wish that everybody could see the twinkle in my eye and the ear to ear grin on my face!
For those folks that recently got dumped, you now understand why. And to be honest, it may not be such a bad thing. Now you can finally go after that person you been peepin’ for a minute but felt bad cuz of your significant other. If you’re one of those people that loves hard, this is your chance to f*ck hard. Go get that prize! For those that are doing the dumping or preparing to do the dumping, you’re a jerk. I understand, but you are indeed a jerk.lol. You better make the best of this season because you just potentially ended something great because the weather got to you.
So what does everybody else think of this being break up and run wild season? Am I right or am I way off? Did you just dump someone on the way to the gym because you’re preparing to have a wild spring and summer? Let’s discuss.
The Bees Ain’t the Only Ones Using Their Stingers,