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Her Boyfriend Hates Her Boy-friends

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***** Admin Note *****
I got another guest post for ya’ll.  Again … all feedback is good feedback … dont’ be afraid to say what you want.

With that being said … I want ya’ll to meet my man Streetz!
*******************

Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Streetz! I’m a worldly individual with a New York State of mind. If you ever felt like your life was a movie, sitcom, drama, and documentary, then we share something in common. From my travel stories to the crazy world of sex and dating, I chronicle these crazy, hilarious, controversial, and off the wall experiences to the internets through blogging . I cover my random thoughts and opinions via  Streetztalk.net , and my column on sex and relationships at Examiner.  I also cohost The NonStopRadio Show, where we talk sh*t about sex, relationships, and everything in between, every Sundays @ 6pm. You can also catch our first episode on demand HERE to check how we roll!

When you enter a relationship, you tend to inherit different aspects of your significant other’s (SO) life: Their hobbies, interests, families, and especially friends. Whether you get along with their friends or you wish those hatin ass birds would flock elsewhere can’t stand them, you have to learn to coexist with those aspects of her life for the relationship. As a single black male (c) SBM, I’ve noticed that in relationships we tend to tolerate/coexist with our SO’s same-sex friends, while having an issue with their opposite-gender amigos. If I had a dollar for every time my homegirl’s BF/Husband/Special Friends had an issue with me, I’d predict more rain in Magic City than meteorologists be rich!  Let me tell you a couple of stories to further my point:

Story #1 – So me and this shorty have been cool for a little while (few months). We’re acquaintances, not like a life long friend situation. Anytime we wrote to each other on Myspace, we’d clown one another, use NOA (names of affection – sweetheart, homie, dear, etc.), nothing serious. She sends me a Myspace message to inform me that she’s recently started a new relationship, and her new BF doesn’t appreciate the way I write on her wall, so she asked me to chill on the sweet talk. Mind you, it must’ve just become official 5 minutes before the message because our conversation was flowing same way(both me and her using NOA) up until the prior day! I told her it was all good, as this unfortunately occurs often, and I would hit her with the block/delete/erase Facebook combo chill on writing on her wall.

Story #2 – A good friend of mine got engaged recently. I knew her for years, but never met her boyfriend. She introduced us at a party one day. I showed him mad love, congratulated him, and wished them the best. I’m genuinely happy for them. He seemed receptive, but I would soon learn that he fronted something awful. I got random accounts from our friends concerning this dude using my name in vain. He claimed that I had/have relations with his GF (I didn’t). He claimed that we end up in the same places because we set it up that way and not by coincidence. One of my peoples even told me to stop talking to my homegirl because dude would ice-grill me anytime I speak to her. I didn’t think it was that serious, but I took my people’s advice and chilled, because I have terminal allergic reactions to drama and I want NO individual to Jasmine Sullivan my car!

I’ve asked my close lady friends on many occasions whether they thought I gave off a player/home-wrecker aura, because it baffled me how consistent this occurred. From speaking with them, and through my observations, I’ve determined 5 reasons why this may happen to single dudes, or dudes in general, when faced with this situation:

You’re attractive and her BF “hears the footsteps”Women tell me that having attractive, successful, single men as platonic friends doesn’t always fly with their boyfriends. Men always keep their eyes open for dudes who claim to be cool with their shorty’s because that’s how WE got our shorty to begin with! we assume the “friend” has ulterior motives. Insecurity also plays a role here. A dude who sees that another man, who’s friends with his GF , excels or surpasses him in areas he lacks, may feel pressure and think: “If I see this, then I know SHE does. I have to eliminate the competition!” He’ll start asserting himself, make demands for interaction to cease or slow down, and push the envelope to see how much he can eliminate you from his shorty’s life.


She told him SOMETHING
I don’t know what she said to her BF, but your home girl told her boyfriend something about you that makes him think of you as a threat. She may have dreamt about you, praised a recent accomplishment, or commented on your popularity with the ladies. Either way, she said something to make him wonder. One of my friends had an ex who years before they got together, told her boyfriend that she only found one person attractive on our yard: Him. This set off a chain of events that led to a break-up and my dude ending up as boyfriend #1.

She hangs with male friends oftenMany guys can’t understand how women can have boyfriends, and still chill with guys. We feel that a woman’s boyfriend should suffice for all needs, whether it’s recreational, sexual, intellectual, or spiritual. We don’t want to hang with our SOs 24/7, but that doesn’t mean we want other men (friends or otherwise) to hang with our shorties either! If anytime you want to go out with your girl, and she replies “oh not today I have boxing with ______” or “Me and _______ are doing lunch today. Next time boo!”, this will eventually start raising red flags, and these calls, once reviewed, are sure to be overturn!

Prior historyMany platonic friendships between men and women birth from an attraction from one or both parties. You may have tried to holla, and it didn’t work out, so you gladly accept the friendship zone. You could develop relationships from having friends in common. You could’ve even messed around once. Either way, prior history of attraction holds the same weight as Rockefeller drug laws and it makes her friend guilty until proven innocent. Women love to use the phrase “I used to like him but he’s my friend now”, and act like that’s normal! The friendship zone is like the speeding limit: Yea it’s a rule to follow, but 75% of people speed anyway, switch lanes without signaling, and slow down when they see police. They don’t do this maliciously, they do it because it’s normal through culture. Pushing the envelope on a friendship based on attraction is normal human interaction, but remember that the difference between 65 and 100 mph is 2-5 seconds, so drive safe. Watch out for those STUPID speeding traffic lights too (I’m looking at YOU Connecticut Ave and Montgomery County, MD!)

She confides in the friend Men hate when their girlfriends have male friends in which they confided. They feel like dudes can’t objectively critique situations without some type of plan to eventually hit off their chick! They also fear that dudes will tell their women friends when their man is full of it, and all the so-called secrets *cough Steve Harvey cough* Men also feel like their GF’s shouldn’t converse about their problems with another dude, especially if the man knows him, because it’s inappropriate. Yes, they may have female friends advising also, “so what”? Men for the most part will recognize that they have these male friends, but men will always keep an eye on the situation just in case.

At the end of the day, I respect relationships and I try not to step on toes. I don’t disrespect my female friends or their boyfriends, and I remain mindful of my words and actions, and the perceptions they may carry. It’s tough to take all those precautions and still have dudes claim that I’m no good. I can’t live my life for others, or in fear of what my every move will mean to the next man’s situation. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to fear. Fear leads to insecurity, and insecurity can push your SO right into the hands of another dude (but that’s a different blog!).

Ladies, am I right? Fellas, are women worse in this position? Is the man justified to have her friends cut off her male friends? Am I just a closet dirt bag that needs to have no friends with vaginas? Let’s speak on it!

One

Streetz

Comment(50)

  1. As someone who has a good number of female friends, I can appreciate a guy's skepticism over these platonic friendship. I mean, he wanted to be more than friends with her, why shouldnt some other guy? But I think the only times to really get suspicious about it is if they're spending TOO MUCH time together. Otherwise, I would rather my gf have some male friends, than none at all, b/c maybe they can put her up on a little about how men view certain things.

  2. Or they could be former f-buddies i cant count how many f-buddies boyfriends i meet patted on the back while my hand had just bein in his girls orifices. Im just sayin no man wants to be that "guy"

  3. I'm no fan of the good male friends of any girlfriend, if there was "prior" history. If he likes or liked her, if they kissed, or if they smashed … I really don't want him around. Maybe its my paranoia … but I'm always afraid he's going to through me off a bridge and try to assume my identity to take what he didn't get.

  4. I definitely agree that you have to be leary of dudes who may have had prior history with your lady. Here's a question though: What about the other side of the argument? We know we all have female friends who we smashed and there's NO feelings left. Are women justified to tell you to cut them off (assuming theyve become great friends of yours etc etc). Do we even really have a right to tell ppl who they can/cannot be friends with?

  5. LMAO…….. MEN are territorial esp with a woman they have claimed. Not hard to understand that at all thats a males nature, in nature and beyond….ever seen two Lions go at it cause one infringed on the others territory/pride by just being there LOL

    Imagine whats its like for an attractive woman with her platonic male friend's girl/wife/prospect SMH…..most of the time folk should just fall back out of respect wihtout taking it personal. thats the right and proper thing to do, not saying you can;t be friends etc but sometimes you give folk that courtesy and just play the back just as you would like that type of respect in turn, its not even about all that BS you typed LOL smelling yourself huh LOL.

  6. first off, what up to my homie Streetz!!! him writing this article amuses me, it really does cuz I can def see how this happens to him! LOL. Prior history is the one I can relate to the most. I guess its because a few guys I used to loooove back in HS are seriously just my friends now. Like my true ride or die friends. If he's been in the friend zone for over 5 years, seriously pushing 10 (I'm telling my age I guess) then why does it matter if we have "prior history" that ended well before I even knew you (my SO) were alive? I'm not feeling the paranoia. I'm really not.

    I'm starting to think now if I've ever been guilty of "she told him something". I don't think so. hmmm.

  7. WOW… this has so been my issue the past year. I've had nothing but guy friends… ever. My girlfriend count has always been around 2, lol. So my guy thinks that because a FEW (2 to be exact) of my homies that I did have relations with are still my friends, that every guy friend I have is a former lover. As soooon as I say my home boy J called, I see the look on his face change. I don't entertain it anymore. I told him once already that I don't even talk to the 2 guys anymore because of how he felt about it.

    So if he still doesn't trust me then that's his headache not mine. I did what I said by releasing the friendships and he needs to trust that every guy friend is not a former lover. I have guy friends that honestly think of me as one of the guys since I do still have my tomboy ways… and most of them are not my type and have girlfriends. Believe me if I want something I go get it, so if I’m still with you there’s no need to worry.

  8. "first off, what up to my homie Streetz!!! him writing this article amuses me, it really does cuz I can def see how this happens to him! LOL."

    Reecie you know what's funny? The other day I spoke to a female friend of mine who told a story about her ex HATING it whenever she spoke to me of stood too close to me! When I asked why, she says "Well one day he asked me who I thought was attractive on campus, I said you, and ever since he had an issue"

    #1 – She told him SOMETHING

    #2 – That was an obvious trap, lol. She didn't feel the need to lie, which is commendable. Dude is an idiot for asking that question. That question breeds imminent insecurity and second guessing of your wifey. If you're strong in confidence and security than cool. Once you say that, you open the floodgates, thus proving my theory.

    Maybe it is me? 🙁

  9. Wow this hits close to home

    I just got "broken up with" because I made a phone call to a dude (male aquaintence). A F*CKING PHONE CALL, dude didn't even answer (I wanted to ask him about a late not spot) but my BF assumed that I was cheating lol

    Same BF had NUMEROUS female "aquaintances" most of which he actively flirted (I read some questionable texts, some saying "Maybe next time I can get an invite in" and "You know I had a secret love for you") Same BF had a huge VIP party at a popular club with his boys, but I later found out, he invited every girl he knew begging them to come out even offering to pick them up(except me)

    He would leave me at home alone on Friday Night and Saturday night to hang with said female friends

    WTF

    That IS innappropiate

    matter of fact the night we broke up, he stood me up to hang with yet another female aquaintance. We were due to hang at 10 30, he didn't make it to me till 1 am.

    My dude broke up with me cause he knew that his so called female friends were more than that, and assumed that my male aquaintence was therefore, more than that. (he was alwayws very suspicious of anything I did)He always justified his female friends to no end, but abruptly walked out on me when I made one single phone call to one.

    Nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when in a relationship, but don't dis your s/o to hang with them. Introduce your girl/guy to them and even set up times to hang out. and please keep it appropiate. My ex certainly did not.

  10. @ Reign – how do you deal with his insecurity? Do you think it would drive you to look elsewhere?

    He must've known that you had hella guy friends, or should've before gettin with you. Would've save a lot of headaches

    NOTE: I don't usually say "hella" but to say "had mad guy friends" seemed like an ebonical error, so I used interchangeable slang.

    carry on

  11. @ SBM

    That's how dudes should be in general. I don't trust male friends farther than I can throw em, but they don't stress me. If shorty is going to hti off dude, there's nothing you can do to stop it really. Good people get cheated on, it is what it is. I cant live my life in paranoia like some dudes. I'd have confidence that she'd find no reason to trick elsewhere, but I won't be blatently disrespected. So yea, watch out for that date rape drug in your Alpha punch homie, lol.

  12. Prior History…

    Our society continues to enable infidelity. Somewhere along the way it became to enable these women. Our music tells them to be out for blood. Youf favorite hip hop/r&b stars always encourage them to cheat on their man. Men encourage them to just be "friends." And women love to have their cake and eat it too. So the women do it. They have boyfriends, but go out with their male friends who buy them drinks and chill with them until the wee hours of the morning. Straight disrespect. Like seriously when you get in a relationship, you have to make some changes in your life. You gotta dead those prior history situations, and if you don't want to, don't get in the relationship. You can't be engaging in iffy situations. You think that you won't be tempted? Ask a drug/alcohol/nicotine addict about quitting cold turkey. Odds are you won't make it.

    But the problem falls only partially on the females, it's these enabling men.

    Again, I state, ask me why i'm single and i'll say, "I gotta pick a wife out of this bunch. Pssh!"

    On a serious note, I tell all my chicks the same thing, i'll be cool with your male friends when they have a girlfriend. Which is often met with crickets, you know why. Because if he had a girlfriend, she'd be telling that dude to stop talking to his prior situations too!

    This is not all I have to say on this subject, but i'm going to pause and breathe for a second.

  13. whats up streetz?

    i've been in your predicament a couple of times. i have a lot of female friends. some i may have had prior history with and some i may have not. i've actually had a dude confront me and told me to stay away from his woman. i politely told him that we were friends WAY before he came into the picture and if he had a problem then he should take it up with her. dude actually went into her phone and called me like two weeks later. dude was <del>acting like a bitch</del> really tripping. dude eventually led his girl to leave him and try to get with me.

    anyway i don't know why certain dudes don't like me hanging around their women. i think it boils down to insecurity. i would never tell my girl that i don't want her hanging around some guy that she has been friends with since grade school. in the end if dude can get her like that (and she let herself get got) then he can have her.

  14. @ Kwana – It must not be BS if everyone is experiencing it right? And as far as friends falling back and respecting a friendship, I 10% cosign on that. However, how about the term "lovers come and go but friends last forever"? My real female friends, the ones who've been there for good times and bad, through all the grimy chicks and situations I've dealt with, they have a place in my life that is non-negotiable. I don't want to hit them off, and I value them in my life. Why should they fall back if there's nothign to fear and they aren't being disrespectful in their presence?

    I need a secure woman who can deal with my female friends and any extra airplay I may receive. If she can see/feel that I'm only into her and that im faithful, then I'm good on her and she can go ===> way! Insecurity is the anti sexy. Confidence is an aphrodesiac. If they are true platonic friends that's what it is. Period.

  15. I really enjoyed this post! I am like the female version of you! I have always had exponential more guy friends than girl friends. I do understand some of my guy friends have had ulterior motives in the past and some of my guy friends are past exes. Therefore when I get into a new relationship I naturally will talk to those guys less because I am a loyal person and I would not put myself in a situation to do something shady.

    However, I can't stand when a bf doesn't trust me and my relationship with guy friends. It's kind of insulting when people (not just men) assume you cannot have a platonic relationship. I mean…it's like do you not believe that I can't figure out my friend is a REAL friend or just another guy tryin to make a move through the friend zone. I dunno…it's frustrating.

    I think in your situation the guys are territorial and a lot of people in general are insecure of attractive opposite sex friends. I think you've done the mature thing though by toning down the flirting and being respectful to your girl friends new SO.

    Great post! I really enjoyed it!

  16. @ Streetz: I don't see it as an insecurity but just him acting on experience. This isn't new to me and I know that most of my guy friend have an attraction to me, most jokingly make it known and flirt. He began as an acquitanance at happy hours that I would have and began a friend for a short period before we got together. As just friends he thought my other friend was my guy but he wasn't.

    So I think that's why he's leary about it because he's been in that place, just a friend with an attraction and he acted on it. He just needs to understand that i've chosen him, which I think he's coming around too. It doesn't come up that much anymore.

  17. @ True

    Wow. yea dude was definitely trickin because he knew he was grime, and thought that boomerang known as Karma was returning to bang him in the dome-piece!

    I cosign with your post. You should not be controlled by anyone, especially if they have mad female friends and act like you can't have any!

    The club story is hilarious! You can't do that to a wifey, but I know why dudes feel that way at times. Sometimes you want to party with your boys away from the wifey. No disrespect but you want to have fun at times without always looking over your shoulder and fearing a scolding. lolol.

    He should've at least told you abotu the party then asked you not to come because he just wanted to hang with the fellas. That's respectable, unless its his Birthday party. Then it's just foul, lol

  18. I'm with SBM on shorty not really communicating with male friends where there is a history. I guess I'm equally as paranoid, insecure, whatever you wanna call it. I don't want her divulging info about our relationship to someone that's had feelings for her or has been up in her thang. It's not good for business.

  19. @ Tunde – Exactly that's from where it all derives! I have soo many stories dude it isn't even funny. let's not even talk about it on a greek level!! Oh boyyyyy!

  20. @ Steph – I like how you said "toned down the flirting" Who said I was flirting? You see.. that's that ISH right there! lololol.

    It once again comes down to dudes knowing situations prior and making a decision

    @ Dr J. – Youse a Nigra, and I don't mean that in no nice way! lolol. I hear you but why do you REALLY want only committed dudes to be friends with your shorty? You act like committed dudes don't get it in!

  21. This was definitely a great post, and the comments are making me think. I've had this situation since college. My SOs are receptive to my male friends, and the SOs of my male friends aren't receptive to me. My best friend, who happens to be male, is getting married this summer, and I've gone back & forth if I should go to the wedding. His fiance HATES me, and it's unfortunate since this guy & I have been friends since we were both on Big Wheels.

    One of my exes happen to be my business partner of sorts so we get to travel together often. There is absolutely nothing b/w us. No sexual attraction, nada, yet he & my male best friend have caused grief in guys I've dated.

  22. Streez

    again good post..love it. matter of fact I emailed SBM about my ex's "female friends" and he even made a post about it. lol

    yeah he was just a douche I concluded

    he told me about the VIP party but also implied I wasn't invited. I dont mind a guys nite out, but you had a section!! and you invited every female u know but YOUR OWN?! (and he didn't come home that night) NO IT WASNT HIS BDAY lol

    We are so over now…

    He also had a "friend" who turned out to be his california boo of a year and a half (I found nude pictures and lovey dovey exchanges in his phone). lol

    so needless to say, I am a bit leary of the whole "friend" thing (by the way, this is the second time the whole "friend" thing blew up in my face)

    If I dont get to meet the girl, and if you dis me to hang with her without an invite or if you dont come home after hanging with her, its a wrap…its foul and disrespect

  23. and

    who the hell wants to hang around someone that smashed your man/girl

    eff outta here

    I dont want my man hanging around someone he smashed, having drinks and one thing leads to another

    hells no

  24. The bigger point is folk need to be respectful, that has nothing to do with insecurity…….. BTW arrogance is a close cousin of confidence.

    every single guy friend I ever had was attracted to me, and befreinded me because of the attraction, eventually hoping to be more, ending up feeling me more and that made the friendships strained and awkward cause it wasn't mutual…thats just been my experience tho

    Some people question true platonic friendships with the opposite sex for various reasons…….

  25. @ True – What if they dont drink or use substances? Then there's no threat right?

    Maybe the naked pics were part of her modelling photos from an art display she posed for?

    Maybe he was scared that too many dudes would hit on you at the party and was savin you from yourself?

    I'm just sayin…lol

    Seriosuly,if he smashed the homie that doesn't always mean that their friendship is false. you have to take into account the last time he smashed, her current situation, etc. if he hit it 5 yrs ago, I doubt there's anything to worry about (on avereage). If i was 3 months before yall made it official.. ummm…yea, lol.

    Whether they hit or not, attraction of any kind can lead to something happening. It's whether the people act that's the question. I would argue that 50-75% of all male – female relationships are based off SOME type of attraction, and that's a very conservative number!

  26. @ True ITA……..you don't know others folk motives, even as a friend you ain't inside the next persons true thoughts and motivations…….some folk have to live a longer to see this truth for self, I guess I take it ya'll are still jive young in the 20's etc LOL

  27. Streetz

    you sound like him lol

    My ex is a drinker, alcohol is ALWAYS involved trust

    The naked pictures, prompted me to call her and she admitted they were seeing eachother and he confessed

    lol…Streetz, I get hit on in my sweats coming out of the grocery store, thats insecurity if thats the case, which he needed not be unless he was "guilty" of something

    He did have a homie he smashed and she was totally cool and I was cool with him hanging with her (she had a man) but that never got out of hand

    the texting women "maybe nextime I can get an invite inside" and "I have a secret love for you" and "can I come pick you up" is just disrespectful to me. He is implying to these women interest (actually a coworker and him fought because he led her on and he was doing it AGAIN with other female aquaintences). That is out of line!!!

    Oh and I never personally met a single one of these female friends…EVER and most didn't know about me

    The attraction thing, yeah, I have male platonic aquaintences, but they all want to smash even still knowing that they aren't.

    I cut them back (off) when I was with my ex…ALL OF THEM but he aint cut a single one of his back

    again, he is just one example, he was just foul lol

    ok enough about him

  28. @ Mcfly – You already know!!

    @ Kwana – so you never had an opposite sex platonic friend? All of them wanted to get at you like that?

    Yo… what's good? a/s/l? twitpics? facebook?

    *sending side message**

    lolol

  29. @ streetz…

    yeah lets not take it to the greek level. its just gonna be a whole bunch of:

    "I don't want you hanging around him cuz he's in XYZ frat and I heard how they roll."

    man if i had a nickel for every time…

  30. @streetztalk
    "Are women justified to tell you to cut them off (assuming theyve become great friends of yours etc etc). Do we even really have a right to tell ppl who they can/cannot be friends with?"

    Thats a great point. I'd have a real big problem with someone telling me who I can/cant be friends with so why would I do it to someone else? I think its ok to keep your eye on certain situations that might warrant it but when you start telling people who they're allowed to be friends with, you might be the one that gets the curb.

    "I would argue that 50-75% of all male – female relationships are based off SOME type of attraction, and that’s a very conservative number!"

    I'd say that its more like 90 – 95% and I think THATS conservative.

  31. “I would argue that 50-75% of all male – female relationships are based off SOME type of attraction, and that’s a very conservative number!”

    I’d say that its more like 90 – 95% and I think THATS conservative.

    ^^^^^ 1906% Co-Sign. BAWSE!

  32. Great Post Streetz!

    I've been on all sides of this dilemma. I have male friends that I am very close to. My very best friend's ex gf couldnt stand me I once came to their school to visit for the weekend with his younger sister and she and her sorors ignored me the entire time. We've been friends for almost 10 years never done anything. Glad to say now his current gf and I are great friends… don't hurt that she is a soror as well.

    My ex didn't like me hanging out with my guy friends late or talking about our relationship even if they had a gf or not. Which I told him he'd have to get over because he should trust me enough to know that nothing was happening.

    And that same ex used to have a 'good friend' of his always writing on his myspace page about how much she loved and miss him. Oh and how he was her chocolate yum yum.. what the f-.. Father Forgive me.

    I think it all boils down to repsect. You respect your relationship and tell your friends to do the same as well. You can't dictate who your SO is friends with but there is nothing wrong with scaling back on the cutesy names or lat emovie nights. And have enough sense not to imply that your wo/man isnt smart enough to know that her friend of 15 years really wants to jump her bones even if they have a gf… Just my 22cents…

  33. @Streetz: Personally, I don’t complain, talk bad about guys, or say anything about it … but in the back of my head … I’m always watching that negro out the corner of my eye … waiting for him to try and drug me.

  34. It's not about being insecure, its about respect! We men dont approach women trying to be friends. We either want to fuck or see if they might be "the one" for us. Thats it. There are only 3 ways a guy can be your friend:
    1- hes gay
    2- he dated your friend, family member etc. and dating you would be wrong
    3- he finds you unattractive

  35. Sitting at a bar… the bartender who was my homegirl, like we had been hanging for maybe 6 months at her bar and away from it, she asked me, "Would you have sex with me?" She was asking a hypothetical. And I didn't even think about it, I replied, "Yes."

    She asked me, "If I had friends I wouldn't sleep with." Females… pause. I stopped drinking and stared at the ceiling for 20 minutes before I came back with a short list of names. And for the record most of my friends as people who know me will confirm are females. I choose not to sleep with them because I don't want to contemplate things, but given the opportunity, shoot why not?

    This is not irrelevant. My point is, I think this way, and i'm not a dirtbag, most dude's are, and I wouldn't trust myself around my girl with this mindset.

  36. @ Mike – I think friendship develops out of attraction. If you put in the friend zone and shorty is still cool, yea u gonna be friends with her. Its also about self control. Maybe the dudes who f*ck anything with a vajayjay cant control themselves, but its very possible.

    Yes given the chance a good amt of my lady friends can get it twice on Sunday, but I dont press the issue because it complicates things.

    I cosign on those 3 points but ill also say that you can accept that yall aint fcukin and remain cool.

  37. @ Sumfin speshul

    It all boils down to respect and controlling it on ur end. It aint my fault if u insecure. If shorty aint givin the green lights to fcuk, then theres no problems!

    In your case they probably sd "This chick tryin to take my man AND shes a XYZ?!! Eff that she gettin SHADED! hahahahah!

    Lemme guess…. i see pink and red clashing in this story…lmaoo

  38. LMAOOOOOOOOO!! No sorry Streetz I wasn't even greek when that weekend happened…. But I won't lie I always felt a lil salty around Zetas until friends of mine joined. I love all orgs… i can't stand beeyotches though. The thing about it is before I even went I checked with my boy i his girl was cool with it. i had met her the previous semester at another school and when we were introduced she acted like I was her long lost sister. Then I showed up on her campus (during her blue and white weekend which apparently was another slap in the face to her Chhhhhh*me suckin my teeth*)and she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. She would talk over under and around me. I didn't even tell my boy nothing till I got back to school and only after my sister called him and told him what happened. As his homegirl I felt ya know lemme jus take a step back and let them do this relationship thing. After I did speak to my boy he had a stern talkin to, to shorty.

  39. Great post. I've certainly had dudes pull out all the stops to get me to fall back from friendships with their women. Usually the chicks feel some sort of reason to have full disclosure with their bf, and more than likely that one-time fling comes into the light.

    Although i consider myself a pretty confident guy, with a strong self-concept, I have caught myself hating on a cat on the sly. I reserve my right to do it when I feel the interaction is over-the-top and I then have to pull coattails or pull out the scissors since I now feel disrespected

  40. Jeff,
    This is another Great One…I love this article..I will keep it short and sweet..The bottom line is some men and women have a problem when their Significant Other’s opposite sex friend especially if they are Intelligent, Successful and Attractive. But the truth of the matter is, if WE wanted our friend prior to their New found relationship, We could have easily had them.. This isn’t Rocket Science..This drama always Grilled my Cheese..I think its a silly argument that stems from a serious case Insecurity..And Truth Be Told, its the one you overlook that end up creeping quietly into their S.O.’s bed..Its the average-looking, unassuming, non- descript friend that no one suspects who is “Gettin In” on the regular with your Boo..So Ha..Hold That!!!

  41. @Streetz

    Most men who aren't going to fuck or get anywhere dont stick around. Honestly, if I'm trying to be your man and you aren't looking for anything OR we cant be friends with benefits, why stick around? Spend time and money for what?

    Anybody ever notice that, for girls that really do have almost all male friends, pretty much all the guys are single? Married or committed men don’t hang out with women on the one-on-one basis those women prefer because this would enrage their partners for a very simple reason: barring special circumstances usually involving years-long friendships, men only hang out with women in the hopes of eventually having sex with them.

    We men dont want female friends.

    Why the hell would we? Sure, girls have a lot to offer as friends. But male friends offer everything female friends offer (that we care about) without all the emotional crap. Being friends with a woman is like having a girlfriend who won’t have sex with you. Being friends with a man is like having a pet rock. You can neglect it, abuse it, fart on it, make fun of it, and yet nothing changes.

  42. I sometimes think of how this could become an issue for me in the future. Having been a tomboy for more than half of my life, I've very comfortable with dudes. In fact, I only recently found myself with more wimmin friends than dude ones. In addition to alla that, my ex and I are close. He's in a relationship, but we still hang out and chit-chat on the phone regularly (not every other night, but then again there's currently no-one with whom I speak that frequently).

    I tend to look at things from 3 sides of a coin (y'ain't knowing there was 3 sides?). A couple of months ago, I hooked up my closest dude pal with a female friend – the only one I felt would suit him nicely. Prior to that, dude and I were on the phone practically every day. He would call me 2, 3 times some days and we would indulge in random intellectual conversation and/or tomfoolery until one of us remembered that there was work to be done, or neither of us had anything left to say. That reminds me, I've been meaning to call his ass back for the past 4 hrs. He's the only platonic friend of either sex that I've ever been able to stand doing that ish with.

    Toss a new love interest in the mix, and some things obviously had to change. I dare say it had the potential to be a very awkward situation for all parties involved, and probably was at some point or the other. She would call at 11 pm, only to find out that he was on the line with me. Either he would let me go and call back when they were done with their lovie dovies for the night, or he'd wrap up with me and call her back. I'd told her before it crossed my mind to hook them up that he pretty much discussed everything with me (though not that we narrowly escaped having a history a long, long time ago). Would she have been justified in trippin' out about the consistent & late night convos? Absolutely. Would he have been justified in being pissed that she was hating on our friendship? Hell yeah. We're fam, and she was well aware of the relationship we had before signing up for this here thang. Would I have been justified in getting pissed at being told that we would have to scale back on our convos and speak 95% less than we did in the days before she came along, and for resenting the hell out of her? Damn skippy.

    Alas, I am a reasonable woman. I'd already warned him that she would naturally become his primary focus, as was only right, and that we would be speaking a lot less. I guess I technically didn't have too much to do since he was the one who called at least 90% of the time anyway, but I made sure that I gave them as much space as I could to allow their relationship to develop. After all, the whole point was that I wanted to see my buddy happy. It warms my heart when I get the calls and reminders that he still loves me, but I have no qualms about not being privy to the details of their relationship (both of them feel weird about letting me know too much because I'm the other's friend) or to as much of his life as I once was. I don't call him complaining that we now go for weeks on end without speaking. The only time I took issue was when she was apparently getting upset about the teasing I would subject her boyfriend to on FB & such. Come again?? Don't make me stab someone with a blunt table knife. Homie was my baby brother (nevermind the fact that he's 4 years my senior) before he became your "baby". Better respect yourself and fall back. hurt somebody. Phew!

    But yeah, all that long story to say that relationships and partners have to be respected. I personally wouldn't have been in touch as often as either guy mentioned in this post was with me, because I already know it'd probably be an issue. I don't forget my friends, but if I like someone enough to be in a relationship with him, I take how he'd feel about these scenarios into consideration. As long as you're not telling me to never hang out with or call my buddy, I'd be willing to voluntarily scale back on the back and forths. And I don't only say this because I'd expect the same of him.

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