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Slim’s Signs of Craziness

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I was reflecting this past weekend on women of relationships past and how awful my decision-making process used to be when it came to selection. As I said in a previous post, I often confused my wants and my needs. I don’t think I ever wanted or needed crazy and deceitful, but I managed to get those things anyway. At the very least, maybe I wanted a challenge and was intrigued a bit by those women/girls that appeared to be “a little off”. Perhaps I looked over the gigantic hunting knife in her closet because she had long flowing hair and dazzling eyes. Maybe I ignored that eye twitch because she had a plump rump. Oh well, that’s neither here nor there. That eye twitch will be relevant later in this post though…

What I’m gonna discuss today may not seem like a new and ground-breaking topic. However, one can never have too many perspectives when it comes to listing signs that someone may be secretly crazy, mentally/emotionally unstable, or just plain socially inept. Sometimes the signs are outward and obvious, but we choose to ignore them. Other times the person is highly skilled in concealing his or her true identity until that Peachy Phase comes to a conclusion. Though off-topic, I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that I think that movie “Obsessed” comin’ out with Beyonce, Idris Elba, and that white chick is gonna be bunzdoodoo. Nonetheless, I present to you my brief and non-exhaustive list of signs that shorty may have some serious problems:

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Home-Schooled

If anybody who reads this blog was home-schooled, I’m sorry. Though there are a significant number of people who were home-schooled that are normal, there is also a large number of people that were home-schooled who have social adjustment/maturity problems. This is a yellowish-red flag. The shortest relationship of my life was with a chick that was home-schooled up until college. We lasted roughly 3 weeks. I quickly found out that she was an unknowingly racist Latina. She turned into a make-out monster when other women came around. She called my phone 15 times in 5 minutes “just because”. And lastly, when I finally dumped her, she laughed and didn’t believe me then scurried to Facebook to block me and put up status updates about what I was missing out on. Delusional. If your potential significant other was home-schooled, tread with caution unless she’s extremely pretty.

Crazy-Eyed and Unusually Determined

When you’ve been messing with a person for a couple weeks and they change their name to “My Love for life” in your phone, the spinning red light and siren should descend from the ceiling. This chick/woman had large piercing eyes. I don’t mean fish eyes. To some, they could be considered sexy and provocative. That’s what I thought initially…

Then I realized her eyes could very easily mean death. This is the stalker type who does everything short of ring your doorbell then hide in a bush while a dead rat lays at your door step, or call you from a blocked number and just whisper your name slowly over and over as you continue to shout hello. She has laser eyes that could burn a hole through your back. This person does exist. Coincidentally, she now leads a successful financial services career. I feel bad for her husbands. Yes, husbands. Do not deal with this type unless you think it’s really cool that she does modeling and stares at you during times when she should be focused elsewhere.

Hood with a History and a Twitching Eye

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Just because someone graduated college doesn’t mean they are no longer hood and/or crazy. If a chick tells me that she used to live with a guy that was hood, and that she has had to call the police or change her number because of 2 or more Ex’s, she’s crazy. If her eye twitches on schedule every 4 minutes and 23 seconds, she’s probably crazy. If you pretty much catch her creeping and she goes nuts because she got caught, she’s crazy. If she has to state her confidence in herself daily with a variety of curse words, she is both insecure and crazy. Do not deal with this type unless you think it’s cool she has a full-time job and that she pretty much meets your ideal physical criteria.

Conclusion

The eyes really can tell a story and crazy comes in all sorts of sexy shapes and sizes. So for today, what are some of your indicators of craziness based on personal experiences or those of people around you? What have you mistakenly ignored? Are you crazy? If so, please tell us how you hide it so that we don’t get hot grits thrown on us while we’re sleeping. Thanks!

Wondering why shorty has a strait jacket in her closet,

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slim jackson

Comment(33)

  1. Before I read any more of Slim's biased diagnosis of "crazy lady." Let me just say that I'm looking forward to the movie "Obsessed." Idris Elba! Sexy, sexy!

    Now back to reading the ideology of the residency Subject Matter Expert…

  2. This post was sooo entertaining! I loved it.

    Indications of crazy:

    1. First date: all he does is talk about his ex.

    2. After first meeting, he is calling or texting, every hour.

    3. He tells me that I would make some pretty babies.

    4. Saying something really creepy jealous and then saying, "I'm just playing."

  3. Co-sign ill always said that chicks with the bug eyes are crazy think tracie ellis ross from girlfriends im promise shes a nut bag

  4. ~I've never been home-schooled or met anyone who has been home-schooled; but Mr. Slim, I need you to experiment a little bit more and a little bit longer than 3 weeks before you come to your "crazy" conclusion. The evidence didn't make sense…and it didn't make change…

    ~The last time I stared at a guy when I could have very well focused my attention on someone else was last week. I was in a zone, pondering "Blaming it on the alcohol is now a lame excuse to use…I can't believe I allowed myself to waste my time on this triflin ninja." Moral of the story…just because she stares doesn't mean she's admiring your swag.

    ~Corporate thuggin it is one thing, but sista girl is a drama queen without a production crew. Fellas, maybe you should take some sort of self assessment to figure out why you are attracted to "banana creame pie."

  5. Another sign he or she might be crazy–they have no friends. I'm leery of a man who says he has no friends. I mean, he should have at least one or something. People without friends scare me.

  6. @Neonnea

    Thanks for commenting. I like when people disagree…

    1. The title of the site is Single Black Male and the site is about the perspective of such. The title of the post is Slim's Signs of Craziness. Of course there's going to be bias. Actually, show me a site that doesn't have bias in 2009?

    2. I don't have a doctorate and I don't have time to do research. If the evidence didn't make sense, then…well…it didn't make sense. I'm not writing for a Nobel Prize.

    3. I hate the word Swagger and all its derivatives.

    4. My experiences shape my posts/writing. Whether my thought process or previous decisions were flawed is not the question. I acknowledged that already.

    5. Thanks again for commenting and

    @Shelia

    A person that doesn't have friends is definitely weird. A complete loner? I might cut 'em some slack if they at least have a cat or dog.lol.

  7. LMAO……boy I needed that laugh and yes folk are crazy but usually my spidey senses will forewarn a sistah EARLY, only one or two have slipped thru detection over the years…..

    *Sidenote* staring at folk is ummmmm creepy and wack…never been the kind to stare, even at the most tasty looking prospect, I can generally take it ALL in, in a glance…

  8. Sometimes women have latent craziness that doesn't develop until a situation occurs in a relationship where they "snap" lolol. I think if a lady refers to you as her "babyy daddy" and you clearly have NO kids, shorty is a nutjob, lolol.

    Also, if a dude always talks about punchin u in the face in a playful way, believe that muthafuka! hahahah!

  9. @ Slim Jackson & Shelia

    I cut NO slack for someone with no friends. If they aren't crazy, then they are mean or hiding crazy. There is no reason someone could be completely void of friendship- they are either incapable of making friends(read:crazy), or incapable of keeping them(read: other type of crazy).

    @ Nicki Sunshine "Saying something really creepy jealous and then saying, “I’m just playing.”"

    CHU'CH! Its like a dude saying, "Homie, yo' booty is soft, "No homo.""

  10. This post is hilarious. So my signs of crazy:

    1. He unveils his foot fetish (or any fetish, for that matter) during the first interaction and THEN requests to fulfil that fetish immediately. Too, soon. WTF?!

    2. After an awful date (in which you were clearly texting the entire time) he has the audacity to lean in, tongue out (wtf?), eyes closed, for what would've been some very unpleasant slobbington. When shot down, he then starts cussin and fussin about the money he spent on dinner. Uhm, you went to a cheesteak shop.

    3. Showing up at your job. (You never told him where you worked.)

  11. Thanks for the breakdown. I did visit one of my most admired websites…foodnetwork.com and it too is biased…giving a fancy name and cooking instructions for "fried chicken."

    Nothing better than "hands on experience." The exposure paves the way for knowledge and wisdom that can lead to testimonies that are least often shared in scientific text. That must have been a long three weeks…

    SBM fam, have a terrific Tuesday! 🙂

  12. Those are truly signs of crazy! This was a great post per usual. The staring is creepy and I am more apt to abruptly run away then smile at a dude that is staring a hole through my body. This reminds me of this dude that was standing behind me one day staring at me in a McDonald's. I felt him staring, so I turned around. He smiled this crazy smile and I quickly looked him up and down. He looked normal from the top of his head to his ankles. This dude had on Jerusalem Cruisers and tube socks in December. Granted it was kind of warm that day but ummm, what was the coat and skull cap for? Scary I tell ya.
    I'm glad you were able to get out of those "situations" safely.

  13. I had a friend who found out her new 'boo' would be attending his ex's birthday party. My friend then googled the girl, when to her mama's house during the party & preceded to call the house & ask for him. When she was met with confrontation she took her foolishness to the woman's front porch to scream about how she had never been in a fight before, but she wouldn't mind that one being her first… Now, I love my friend, but I wish she woulda asked somebosy before she went about this plan of action. Needless to say, my friend & her boo are still together. I can't help but think some people like the 'crazy' ones.

  14. Slim … really man … her eye twitched on regular schedule and you thought that was ok.

    I used to think I had messed with crazy chics. Guess I was mistaken.

  15. System failed cause @ the time, I was fooled with a supposed friendship, they had never really done anything to make me question their sanity until they did LMAO…but when they finally jumped out there lets just say it was off a cliff (figure of speech), and theres no coming back from that LOL

    Obsession is only cool by Calvin Klein
    any other form not so much eh!?!…so now I m just very careful who I allow access to me period…

  16. I've only had a couple of crazy chick moments. I usually am very cautious of certain character flaws in the broads I had to deal with. One in particular resurfaced after a long hiatus. Now…please remember…crazy puss is the best puss. This chick however was annoyingly crazy. One minute she's calling me telling me that I did something to hurt her (I wasn't cognizant of it so…)and she's rambling on about what type of woman she is. I get sick of that nonsense and tell her she's crazy and get off the phone with her. She calls me back within 5 minutes to profess her love for me and how in love she is. Then I don't hear from her again.

  17. "Though off-topic, I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that I think that movie “Obsessed” comin’ out with Beyonce, Idris Elba, and that white chick is gonna be bunzdoodoo."

    Before reading anything else, I must say that u couldn't possibly find another person on earth who agrees with this statement as much as i do.(so sad that I've been visiting this site on the regular for months now but this statement was what finally made me comment)lol

  18. signs he's crazy

    1. after a week of "talking" and you dont answer your phone, he still calls and then shows up where you live (I dont let new dates pick me up from home anymore.)

    2. If he want to live with you or worse, marry you, after 2 months of dating (thats controlling behavior)

    3. He gets mad when you dont want him to come to your house as a first date ..I mean REALLY MAD

    More signs SHE's crazy

    1. How about women with NO LIFE, they are always available for you whenever, you may think "good girl" at first, but she is going to want to own them balls…be careful

    signs either he or she is crazy

    1. Yall on yall first date and he/she says something about 2 years from now when yall know eachother. WTF..damn can we get to a month

    2. I dont care what steve harvey says, if I give a guy my number and he calls me that same night..thats not just interest, thats THIRST…that weirds me out to no end. Aint no body vibing that much. Damn we just left eachother 5 minutes ago

    and FYI, just cause someone is from the hood (me) dont mean they crazy

    and just cause they from the suburbs dont mean they not

    mm kay, just had to say that

  19. @Brit- Yeah, that happened to me, too, but worse. First thing dude sent me after 8 months of nothingness was a poem, and a pic of his member. WTF?!?

    Other sign of craziness- A guy trying to make friends with all of your friends and family, like way before things are even semi serious.

    I exchanged numbers with a guy that I met at my job, and so happen to come into the place I worked one day when my brother was there. He joined in our convo and him and my brother became cool bc they had the same interests (read: herb). They became cool; dude and I stopped talking. One night a month later I came home from work at 3am in uniform with junk all over me from work. He was waiting in my driveway screaming "Where the EFF have you been!?!"

  20. i had a dude I had met and he sent me a pic of him in bed

    I told him to stop contacting me, he said "you weren't all that anyway lil but"

    wtf

  21. @ Slim Jackson. Nothing is good about it. It has happened to me 3 times since I was in high school. I know a lot of girls and one guy that it happened to.

    To all the men: Have you ever texted pics of your mandingo to women you didn't know? Why the hell do you do isht like that!?!?!?!

  22. @Slim: If the girl had a disorder, then my apologies. But any truly hralthy person wit a tick in their eye is truly going through some serious sh*t.

  23. @ Raqi – I am pretty sure that Coon (my affectionate nickname for this idiot) did the same thing. He sent me a picturemail text over and over and kept asking if I checked it. Something told me not to open it, but I am pretty sure that's what it was.

  24. @ Slim: LOL. It happens a lot, and it's usually a dude that you are not that interested in. It has happened to every female friend I have, and never ended with positive results for the guy.

    @Raqi: lol, I second that, why???? That is not sexy.

    There was one time I was talking on the phone with a guy I was just getting to know while I was at work. This fool told me to check my e-mail, and I did. And of course it was a picture of his penis. I was so mad!! I should have ceased all contact then, but foolishly, I did not. Later he told me he had just gotten out of jail for stealing checks and credit card scams. I was so done.

  25. I'm at a bit new to this dating thing, thanks to Ex-y, so I want to learn!
    The signs I am keeping one (non-twitching)eye open for:

    – Signs of possessiveness, misplaced anger or moodswings. Basically, men with more hormones than me on Alesse.

    – Thugs, hustlers, shady characters, men with no jobs, etc. I am originally from a city where these things were not only acceptable, but the norm with black men. I am too old…

    – Any men with children. My rule is not to do the BM dance – my own preference. I can possibly deal with you having one child, but I prefer not to.

    – Oh yes, and Liars are no good either.

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