Awhile ago, I decided to open up a little and share with everybody some of my “quirks” when it came to the opposite sex. These were things that really “did’ it for me, but weren’t necessarily the norm and really specific … things a lot of my friend just couldn’t feel me on.
Well today … I figured I’d let ya’ll into the mind of this SBM once again … but focus on the things I hate. I mean things that a lot of people probably overlook, don’t notice, or just don’t care about … but not only do I notice … I really care about them. I’m talking about things that would take a phat booty dime … and turn into a broke down 5 … with no remorse. Its a shame sometimes … and I’m trying to let them go one by one … but sometimes your just traumatized for life and no amount of therapy being clowned by your friends will overcome it.
So I present … SBM’s list of Quirky dealbreakers.
Before I mentioned how I love a girl with French Tip nails. I mean they elicit a reaction in my body that just … uh … nm. Anyways, the opposite is just as detrimental. There are two things what I just can’t live with, can’t stand, and can’t put up with no matter how great the personality, how big them breasts, or how tight the head game is.
One: Nail polish that is chipped and coming off. My “girlfriend” in kindergarden would puton nail polish, and then let it wear off until it was just little dots left. She was 6. There is no reason a grown a$$ woman can’t get some polish remover.
Two: Dirt under your nails, toe or finger. Just the thought of those nails touching my face or skin scare me. I know it sounds soft … but you can only get the pumpington a max of 2 times with nail grime.
Not knowing SAT words
My vocabulary is … pretty good. I’m not running around using **hyperbole**every 15 minutes, but I’m not gonna be stumped when I hear it. When I drop a simple word in a sentence and you can’t use context clues to guess it, and its not that hard of a word … please get off me, or call the waiter, or excuse me while I get off the phone … because I’m officially done.
Ms. MBA: You always want s*x! Why can’t we just chill and watch TV?
SBM: We do chill. We do watch TV. I just think it would make a great end to the night.
Ms. MBA: But I’m saying … can’t you hold me.
SBM: ** long pause and the serious side eye ** I’m not attacking you like a ravenous dog … I’m always respectful (as I palm her booty).
Ms. MBA: How am I suppose to react to that when I don’t know what ravenous means?
SBM: Where did you get your MBA from again?
Ms. MBA: What? Why?
SBM: Don’t worry about it. I gotta go home … I forgot the oven on.
Call me a snob, call me stuck up, call it whatever … but these chics can buy a reading dictionary and a thesaurus and holla in 6 months.
This has to rank on the list of the top 5 most annoying things a human can do. When on the metro and sitting next to the hood chick who pops her gum every 6 minutes, I literally have to change cars before I turn into the Incredible Hulk and leave downtown Washington, DC in ruins. You get about 3 chances … then … I’m reducing you to jump off status done with you.
Going back to my obsession with nails, I hate red nail polish. I have been known to let it go as long as its not a regular habit, but only 1 out of every 250 women can rock it right and look good. Half the time it just stick out against the skin and looks … well … atrocious (is that a big word … cause that would activate the above quirk). But some point a choice has to be made … me or the color.
Peep toe shoes
I will admit that I have finally overcome this one, but for the longest I couldn’t stand peep toe shoes. I have always been a fan of open toed shows, I mean a huge fan. A french manicure and some sexy sandals would actually make me hit a u turn while walking, bypass any **propensity to holla issues**, and activate the “holla” sequence. When these peep toes came out, I just thought your half a$$ing it. Go hard or go home I said! But … through an intensive 6 week program … I actually like em now.
No explanation here … I just think their an abomination … end of story.
Now … before I hit everyone with the “let me know your quirks” line … I must say QUIRKS ARE VERY PARTICULAR AND UNIQUE! Last time I did this you heard people saying “I don’t like a guy who smokes crack” … well duh! If no one will call bullsh*t on your “quirk”, if its accepted by the majority of people, or if its just common sense (e.g. he can’t be gay) … then its not a quirk. Again … “She can’t be crazy” is not a quirk, but “I can’t stand a girl with a second toe longer than the first” counts. Feel me?
Ok … so … let me know what your quirks are people? Is it actually the same with everybody and I’m not being “extra”? Am I crazy for really canceling a date because her nail polish hadn’t been touched up in weeks? What are the little things that no matter how dumb and insignificant … you just can’t get past? Do we all just need a little therapy … or me?
– SBM … The SAT Verbal King
First, SBM, you and your blog are absolutely hilarious!
I absolutely hate any excess spit, saliva, or wetness near the mouth unless he's eatin' the box. Excess saliva makes me think of mentally and physically handicapped people. It just turns me off.
I also cant deal with the "breath" smell. It makes me want to run away. Y'all know smell I'm talking about. It's like a vapor off a person's body. Sometimes it doesn't come directly out of the person's mouth. It's like the natural scent.
I also cannot stand a limited vocabulary. I don't care what their level of education is or was.
Finally, the smell of liquor or smoke or both turn me completely off. I dont mean liquor on the breath at the club. I mean liquor seeping through the pores. It reminds me of a homeless drunk and it smells horrible. Don't drink ridiculous amounts of alchohol if you plan on sweating. Please!
LOL, this is hilarious. I absolutely LOVE red nail polish, but I think it looks good on me and I've been told it goes really well with my complexion. 🙂 However, my nails are a very soft pink right now.
@RastaGirl86 – I know what you mean with that "breath" smell. It is absolutely disgusting, it's like breath and body odor at the same time. Every time I try to describe it no one knows what I am talking about.
@SBM – the lack of vocab definitely gets me too. I know there are certain words we don't use in everyday vernacular, but have a vocabulary that at least comes close to matching mine or be smart enough to figure out the meaning given the context.
Men with long torsos and shorter legs irk me. I like my men properly proportioned.
Really skinny men with muscles and extremely flat stomachs (especially those who take their shirts off and wear wife beaters). I like men with meat on them. I would rather date a man with a gut (I actually like guts), than some small, muscular man. Even though I’m thin, I am rather tall, and I don’t like to feel like you could fit into my clothes or that on a really good day I could beat you up.
1. Bad Spelling
2. Tall white socks (anything above ankle length for tennis shoes)
3. Briefs (they are gross… remind me of little boys).
4. an outside smell (u know that smell when you've been riding with the windows down?)
5. too much matching (I hate the shoes match the t shirt match the belt match the hat.)
6. Urban wear (I do not desire to walk around with a man who has a designers name all over his body see: Ed Hardy for example). And yes, I know Ed Hardy is not urban, but YOU PEOPLE (j/k) are wearing it. lol
You are too funny, SBM. I don't have too many quirks myself, but like RastaGirl said, excess spittal around the mouth is a no-no. My other is the spitting itself. That wind up, the rattling of phlegm and the resulting loogie is enought to send me screaming! Uuugh!
Along the same lines are the allergy men. It's spring, so if you know you're sensitive just get a prescription that works already. A grown-azz man who is actively dripping from his nose, mouth and eyes is not sexy. And the machine gun sneezing has to go as well. Claritin (Nasonex, whatever!), my brotha – try it.
Raggely nails on a man. Actually, nails on a man period. I shouldn't see more than a .000002 centimeters of white. Otherwise don't touch me, Edward Scissor Hands.
Excess jewelry – I keep it pretty simple myself (just a little cross on a necklace). I don't even get around to earrings half the time, so if you need to put on rings, necklaces and such I will give you the side-eye.
Gum popping is also a nightmare to me, although I've never seen a man do it.
I've seen a few people pull off red nail polish and have it look good. I'm just not one of them. Haven't found the shade yet that doesn't make me look like a hooker. And since I have poor nail maintenance habits I just keep em trimmed and natural.
Flip flops, tho? Is it the noise? There ain't nothing wrong with a flip flop!
"I gotta go home … I forgot the oven on."
Funniest thing ever. LMAO.
The "breath" smell is just some men's natural body odor. I suggested that a male friend of mine start using Gain detergent because of the perfume content. These men are clean. They just have strong natural scents.
Nice list SBM. Long but interesting.
I didn't have to take the SATs but I think my vocab is very good, and context clues are not that trivial.
I too cannot stand a grown woman with chipped nails, no homo.
My quirk… not sure if it is one… I like men with pretty feet. Clear toe nails basically, toes gently slope from the big to the pinky, and he takes pride in wearing sandals. No fetish, just can't stand ugly feet on a man.
I don't like red polish but a nice deep dark red brick color is divine on my toes… never on my fingernails. it's so sexy… jill scott was on point with "red toenail polish on whitewalls" 😉
And I love flip flops too. The cheap ones and nike ones stay at home but my more expensive flops are to die for, so cute.
One of my biggest no no's is dryness. By that I mean chapped lips, ashy ankles/feet, crusty hands, rusty elbows or knees, yea that turns me all the way off.
Another quirk is a 'peasy' head. Guys that need a hair cut, and choose not to brush out the naps… that sooo erks me!
That forgot the oven on line cracked me up as well! your list I was tickled by the red nails and the flip flops though. I thought red was sexy? I think it looks pretty on my toes. but either way….
I don't think I have any quirks. I agree with the saliva thing, and I have a strong sense of smell so anything that's off is just…wrong to me. dirty shoes turn me off too, but I think that's pretty normal and not really quirky.
LOLOL @ these lists!
You cancelled a date cause of nail polish? No-sign on that, lolol. If she's gorgeous, I just wont look at her hands. You gotta BAWSE up on that playa, lolol.
1)Facial Hair or body hair- I don't know if this counts, but this just breaks any deals for me. Such a turnoff to know a woman could get the same beard touchup as me, or have that hair under her chin. Body hair is another one. Excessive forearm hair turns me off immediately!
2)Hammer Time toes – Yes this is cliche, but I think feet for women are super sexy. They don't have to be perfect, but you shouldn't look like you could scoop fish out of water, or could walk on hot coals. Unless you're a flintstone, there's no excuse for gunshot riddled feet
3)Metro/Subway hair – If I touch your hair and can feel tracks falling out? That's about game over. Upkeep for a weave/braids should be at a minimum. You know they say the third rail is dangerous, so I have to stay away!
I think that's it..lol
LOL. This was a great post.
My Top 5 Quirks:
1. If he says conversate.
2. If his teeth are jacked. I can understand if your parents couldn't afford the dentist when you were coming up. BUT as young professionals we all have a dental plan. Please take advantage.
3. Man boobs
4. If he obsesses over his car… Ie parking it in the back of the lot. Unless your car is worth over $100K it's not that deep. Many men haven't made it to the second date.
5. If he has an expensive car, but rents and apartment. There are some exceptions to this one, but in general it's a huge turn off
Cosign on the nails. I come in contact every day with brothers who have long nails on every finger. Do they think that's sexy? To myself I'm saying, "I know he can't have a woman at home, because he would get nowhere near the prize with those nails!"
I forgot to add my biggest pet peeve…Grown men driving little cars.
My father's a car dealer and although we did not spend much time with each other the times that we did, it was when he was going to purchase some vehicles or having them prepared to be sold. So I know a lot about cars and always notice the type of car a man drives. I absolutely cannot stand seeing a grown man in a little car. It's even worse if he is 5'10" or above in height.
You should not be driving a Corolla, Scion (get a Camry), a C-Class Benz, or any other small car, unless it's a sports car ( an Infiniti G37, Nissan Z, Porsche, etc). I give a pass to Hondas (Civics and Accords) b/c they run so well, and I drove a Civic for years.
I also hate to see men drive small, ugly SUVs (Kia Rondo, Ford Escape, etc), if you can't afford the gas, then you should not have an SUV at all. I feel like an SUV is one of those "go hard, or go home" cars (same as Benzes). So if you can't afford to get a "real" one. Leave it alone.
Maybe I'm biased b/c I drive a nice sized luxury vehicle, but seeing a grown man in a small car is a HUGE turnoff.
The SAT words thing: Thank you, SBM! I've never understood how people pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for an advanced degree, yet little ole me (just a poor pauper with a bachelors) always throws them off with one of the words my 7th Grade advanced English teacher gave me. Gotta love it!
1. The way she walks. I don't care if she's slew footed, pidgeon toed, bow-legged (I don't do knock knees however), if her glide and stride isn't graceful and sexy I'll pass. Some chicks waddle into a room. Some glide and have the right switch to their hitch. If she walks too hard or like her coochie hurts,I'll pass.
2. Over-accessorizing/overdone makeup. I had issue with chicks who always over did everything. Less is more to me. Plus, I still recall having one of my wife beaters ruined by about 3 layers of warpaint. I had to turn it into a dusting rag because even bleach wouldn't get it out. Also, looking like a walking charm bracelet is out.
3. Co-sign on Flip Flops (or as a friend and I call them "bytch flops."). These are horrible selections in footwear along with crocks (unless you're a nurse) and I can't stand the sound they make, especially on the feet of a lazy sloth. They either flip flap or they slide across the ground. Nothing is worse than seeing the bottoms of someone's feet with these monstrosities on and they are crusty and/or black.
4. Off color weave – I've been seeing a lot of foreigners violate this tenant the most, but it's been trickling down to the youngins too. There is no way in hell that anyone from the African diaspora can grow magenta, burnt sienna, copper or bronze hair. Need to cut that shyt out!
First, I agree with the man boobs and saliva tip.
My quirks (though may not necessarily be deal breakers, but annoying and cringe-worthy nonetheless):
– If you say "You know what I'm sayin'" after every sentence. It's so distracting it's like a man fixated on a chick's cleavage when she's talking. I don't hear ish you sayin anymore, know what I'm sayin'? And this goes for any phrase or word that people latch onto as a crutch and repeat far too often with every statement.
– If you suck your teeth or make any other weird noises for no apparent reason.
– If you sound like you're eating cream corn with your gums whenver you're eating something. *shudder* I don't have that much of a weak stomach, but that does me in.
I forgot to mention the red polish only applies to bright traditional red. Dark Reds are actually very sexy.
And flip flops … just the though … ugh. If it wasn't obvious, I kinda have a thing for nice feet and women who wear shoes that flaunt it … and flip flops are like some odd bastardization of the whole principle. And @Anna … the noise is bad too.
I forgot also how I hate weaves. I mean … I hate em in general, but specifically the girls who don't get a touch up, and you can see their natural hair growing up from out the bottom of the weave … trifling.
I agree about the cars…drive a MANS CAR…ion care if its a lincoln..you should not have 30 day tags on toyota solara
yall being harsh about the flip flops. Its summer time. What bout thong sandals?
I dont even have no flip flops cause my cousin stole them all
I also hate chipped polish (looks at mine) I need to replace what I have
what turns me off from dudes:
1. teeth, like stained and stuff. Go to the dentist. But, I have given a few men a pass from this..*shrugs* i have my imperfections (gut)
2. messed up shoes. Why your shoes turned over. You dont have to own a lot of shoes. 2 good pair will suffice, but please get some new ones.
3. Tighty Whities…UGH. They are plain unattractive. You should throw them ALL OUT. PERIOD
4. braids…DONT HAVE ANY..Period. NO ACCEPTIONS. If you have braids..YOU NEED TO KICK ROCKS
1. VERBAL/WRITING: Men that abbreviate texts. Ex: I cnt w8 2 CU 2nite. <— That isht is ghey… You get 160 characters in a text. Use them. Also, I hate when a man doesn't follow grammatical rules such as punctuation placement, subject verb agreement, and proper word order. Sentences should include a subject, verb, and a clause…
2. OWNERSHIP: Men that talk non-stop about what they own. Anyone can purchase a car and a large television. I also hate when a man rents an empty apartment, and owns an $80,000 car. Seriously, guy? You could be on your way towards home-ownership, but got distracted by shiny things.
3. PHYSICAL: I cannot move beyond corn-rows (UGH), excessive back hair, and colored contacts. They make my skin crawl.
Oh … and I forgot text message signatures. I HATE THEM SOOOOO MUCH!!! That goes for men and women. Why are you grown and sending me messages with "I love Barack" at the end of every message!
I just blogged about this last week. I agree with the feet and chipped fingernail polish.
@SBM love this article.
So this is kind of long so work w/ me:
Too much saliva in a kiss in other words sloppy kissing in my opinion. If a guy kisses me one time w/ too much juice then I can't do it and will simply stop talking to him.
Tennis shoes w/o socks. I can't do it. nuff said.
Chewing w/ mouth open or smackin. Let alone talking w/ food in your mouth. That means we can't go out to eat in public bc ill be embarrassed.
Chest hair or facial hair. When it brushes against me it gives me chills(not in a good way) and the itches.
Sandals on guys. Not a fan.
Bad nails. If your a nail bitter and it shows. All bad.
Co-signs on the following:
@SBM- vocab. Figure it out or play along now and look it up later for all I care.
@Nicki Sunshine- matching too much
Urban wear, I must say I don't do guys who dress "black".
@Anna-excess jewelry, never have on more than me, your a man and that's not man-ly.LOL
Ok so tight, muscle man boobs are ok, but sloppy, saggy man boobs not okay.
@SBM-un kept up weaves. Ladies if your gonna do it do it right. I hate seeing girls tracks or if their weaves aren't comb through and it just looks nappy as hell. Why? Look in a mirror before, after and all throughout the day if you have to. Sheesh. Its yours so take care of it.
@true- the undies thing. I can't do anything else but boxer briefs. Maybe a boxer here and there but anything else has to go.
I think that's it. Kinda long but hey I'll admit I'm "selective as hell when it comes to picking my mate.
O yea, I'm a lady and to be honest I don't care for flip flops either but if your gonna do them then just make sure you carry lotion around, that's all I'm saying.
Ok I'm done.OUT.
"Facial Hair or body hair"
Cosign. I don't want a woman that can grow facial hair. Talking about she shaves with clippers so she won't breakout. Not cool.
@aussie – so u like ur men Hairless like Golem from Lord of the Rings? lmaoo
Not completely hairless. I just dnt like beards, it feels creepy rubbin on my face.And the chest hair, if its like austin powers I can't do it.I won't do it.
1. Baby booty face men- I do make exceptions but I love hair on the face. Chin hair is a turn on but not too long.
2. Name calling- calling me baby, bae, babe etc and we just met. Fool I just met you, chill
3. Walk- Can't stand a man who has a horrible walk. If you look like you will fall over yourself then keep it moving.
4. Lastly, I can't stand a dude who automatically thinks that since my hair is natural that I am Jill Scott's little sister (loves me some Jill though).
Ooo, this list is only getting funnier! I can DEFINITELY co-sign on man boobs, expensive cars owned by apartment-dwellers and urban gear. I thought of one more…
Over Correctors: I was hanging with my girl and her b/f one day and my tummy hurt, so I said I felt nauseous. This hot bamma proceeds to interrupt our conversation to tell me that if I was "nauseous" I would make other people sick. I must be "nauseated". I'm all for grammatical correctness, but that type of douchebaggery needs to end. He didn't last that much longer with my friend – apparently he also tried to correct her father's grammar. Her dad's a h.s. principal, btw.
@ Raqui – colored contacts? LAWD! Just run, girl! Wait, what am I saying? You'll never need to run from a man in colored contacts – he ain't chasing you unless you have Tyson Beckford strapped to your back! Zing!
"Also, looking like a walking charm bracelet is out."
LMAO. .I cannot handle this today.
I hate HATE overcorrecters
and correcting my pronouciation.
WHY NO ONE MENTION TONGUE RINGS
True story, this guy had to be 38 and had a tongue ring
True – No one should be wearing toungue rings at this stage of the game. I'm mad you ran into a grown man who had one! My roomie in college had 2 (very cool looking) but she was a girl, from Cali and was rocking the semi-punk look. But that was, umm, 7 years ago. Run, True, ruuuuun!
I would be here all day if I named all of my quirks. Here are two that are extremely huge to me.
Time – I am a man with a schedule and Outlook on his phone. 7PM, is not 7:15. It's 7PM. I get so upset when someone is late that I am literally boiling when they arrive. Of course, women will say something stupid like, "women are always late." However, that's BS to me. Timeliness is important to me.
Etiquette – Yes, I have left a date because a girl had bad eating etiquette. I took a chick out to a pretty nice restaurant, fairly expensive. When the salad came, she picked up the dinner fork. In my head i'm saying, "How the hell did you do that?! There's a fork before you get to the dinner fork. That doesn't even make logical sense." She said, "I hate how they give you this little fork, I never know what it's for." I quickly made up an excuse and laid down some cash and said you eat, it's on me, but I have to go.
Well… I must say, while having a horrible day at work, reading this list and the comments that followed had me literally "laughing out loud". Once I get off work and have some "down-time" I will make a list of my quirks.
Once again… good stuff SBM!
The fork tho…u cut her off cause she picked up the wrong FORK
Some of us need to stop it lol
Im sure there are things each of us do to make someone else be like "WTF"
most of the stuff we mentioned are no brainers
but dinner forks?? 7 minutes late? Text Abbreviation?
1. Women with a poor fashion sense…
I try to stay one of the best dressed individuals at any given time, it only makes up for my lack of personality and my shoddy communication skills. Therefore, I expect a woman to come to the table with an above average fashion sense. Nah, get them crazy colored high top sneakers out of here. Aye leave those cheap ass Old Navy jeans in the hamper.
2. Un-educated women…
I don't want to call any women dumb, or stupid or whatever. That's just plain mean. And who am I to talk? I'm a dumbass myself with a poor vocabulary. But when some of the most mundane things must be explained (a plot to a movie or a tv show), I say NEXT!
3. Cutesy women…
STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE TWELVE! YOU'RE NOT A CHILD AND I WILL NOT REFER TO YOU OR TREAT YOU AS SUCH!
@Larajihna: Thanks for reminding me about ditsy women. I hate when I have to explain simple stuff repeatedly (like the plot to a movie). How did I forget that one?!?!
whats wrong with old navy jeans?
its a recession
And what's wrong with a tall guy driving a small car? It's a recession. Ha!
Old Navy has just stepped up its game, not going to front about that. But they have an overwhelmingly cheap quality of jeans that fit all weird. That's my quirk. For about ten dollars more a person can cop some better fitting jeans and probably a little better in quality (Uniqlo).
Yeah bro, I once watched Arrested Development with a chick and she just couldn't "get it". I had to pause the dvd so many times to explain the jokes that I just gave up and watched some TMZ with her. Not that anythings wrong with TMZ, I luh me some TMZ.
LOL these list are hilarious!
– tighty whities
– ordering beef well done
– If a guy has only a loveseat in the living room… That's gh**
– guys with small hands and short fingers
– a guy whose chosen condom is lifestyle
– socks with those Nike or addidas flip flops
1. women who wear heels all the time, just relax
2. pantie lines if i can always see your granny drawers we have a problem, your just not sexy enough
3 the fashion thing, some girls just don't know what looks good on there body type, get it together
4 high pitched voices, i don't know why, i just want to slap girls who sound like the breathe helium all day
5 girls who don't laugh, or are demanding, i don't work for you/ you take yourself to seriously
the maximum amount of points your allowed to lose on my 10 point scale is 2 when you take off your make-up, going from a 9 to a 5 is unacceptable, you fooled me and i feel ashamed for letting it happen
New to the site, absolutely loved this post.
I don't have many peeves, but one is definitely (as someone mentioned earlier) long finger nails, or toe nails – it's all gross. Get real, and get a clipper.
Ok, and this may be really crazy, but anyone – not just men – who 1. enjoy whispering, and 2. have warm wet whispers. I will freak out if because you are talking in a hushed tone my inner ear is now damp. We can't be friends, acquaintances or associates after that.
Finally… back to this post to name my "quirks".
1. Men with long or chewed down till it's nothing nails. Just because you are a man does NOT mean you should have raggedy, unkept nails… *sigh*…well since we are on the subject of nails…
2. Nasty feet on a man, will get you NO play. That includes not having raggedy nails & please know that you should also apply lotion to the foot portion of your body.
3. Bad Teeth&Breath… Dental insurance is not that costly. Get Some!
4. Over usage of "slang". I can appreciate a guy who knows when to get a LITTLE "hood", but for the most part, let us both keep it on an intelligent level.
5. Chewing with your mouth open. *shakes head*… Yuck
These are a few "quirks" that top my list. I can co-sign with a lot of things that people have said on the board, annnnd some stuff is just down-right funny.
Hope everyone is having a good day : )