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I’m Seeing Other People

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***** Admin Note *****
I’ve never acknowledged any previous milestones, but today Slim will usher in the 300th post.  Its been a long time, and I remember the humble beginnings of this site, with just me slaving away, writing everyday, with all of 3 subscribers.  Now, over a year later, we have a lot more readers, a facebook page, myspace, and twitter.  Thank you for reading … I really really appreciate it.

And I said i wouldn’t cry …

– S “Staying on that Grizzy” BM
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Some people say that honesty is the best policy. I completely disagree…usually. Sometimes you really just need to lie your a$$ off. There’s no ifs, ands, or butts about this one. We often make the mistake of asking questions that we really don’t wanna know the answer to. I’ve done it before and ended up pushing the car into the lake learned the hard way to not ask about certain things ever again. But see, answering questions when asked is one thing. Volunteering information that coulda been left unsaid without being asked can be a completely different ball game.

I was sitting unproductively at work last week having a group conversation on one of the many popular instant message platforms. One chick was talking about how she was dating multiple people. Each man had his purpose. Whether she took the pumpington from more than one of them, I don’t know and didn’t dare to ask. Perhaps one dude was there to utilize his face, while another was there to provide the Magnum jackhammer, while another was there to provide discounts and VIP access to select upscale NYC clubs. Who knows.

See Also:  "Feed Me, F*ck Me, Shut the F*ck up"

Regardless, the polarization of the sexes in this group chat quickly occurred when she asked if she should tell each of the dudes that she was seeing other people. Now let me be clear. I’m all for being on the same page with a coital pal. I also believe in not being a Simp at all costs. The only way to avoid being the Simp who agrees to date a woman who tells him she’s seeing multiple people is to beat/hit/pummel/pipe and then repeat this process with multiple other women. If he is not beating, he’s a sucka. If he is beating, at least he’s getting something out of the situation. Quality time with a beautiful woman does not apply here. But I digress…sorta.

To answer her question, I suggested she tell the men upfront in an effort to allow those who were in danger of becoming the Simp to save themselves. Of course one of the women in the discussion quickly said that she shouldn’t tell any of them anything and should just keep “Doing her”. She went on to explain that men don’t like knowing they aren’t the only one (partly accurate). Therefore, she needed to preserve their ignorance. I was shocked and appalled in a very manly way. Another woman tried to say that men do this all the time and that it’s no different than a guy having a starting line up of women. More shock and appall.

See Also:  Why She Doesn't Want to Be With You

But it is different.

I know too many dudes that have a line up of women that know about each other to some degree, but don’t care. The man can literally tell them that they aint the only ones, and a lot of times they will stay there because of “the understanding”. And no, these aren’t always low self-esteem and desperate chicks. I’ve had female friends (quite respectable folks) be completely comfy in their role. Do I know any dudes that are content being one of a few dudes? Eh, only if they’re beating. And at that, they prolly don’t respect her that much.

So should the chick tell each of the dudes that they aren’t the only ones and risk dissolving her “starting line up”? Does this issue really go equally both ways? Do you believe in keeping your starting line up in the dark? What say you all?

Call Me Coach J,

slim jackson

Comment(66)

  1. I think that the chick shouldn't tell unless deemed necessary. If she has a understanding with all of them and everyone is on the same page then hey do you. The only problem will occur is when someone starts wanting more and then she may be in a bind but for the most part if she's handling her emotions well then I must say top of the hat to her.

    Keeping the line-up in the dark is ok in my opinion. You may not be sleeping w/ everyone but if anyone gets all in your business then of coarse your gonna deal with the "gossip" so keeping it low isn't such a bad thing. Now keeping it in the dark doesn't mean that you are lying but I will say this I'm personal when it comes to my business and everyone doesn't need to know everything about MY business.

    Point Blank.

    O yea as far as it going equally both ways….now a days it probably does. Women are catching on and doing it even better than men.

  2. First, I dont think anyone should be sleeping with everyone on their team. Its bad business.

    Dating multiple people should be for just that: dating only. Getting to know them and figuring out if something more is there. Its not an invite to hump everyone.

    That said, I tend to believe that everyone on the team should know they are on the team. They don't need the details (how many other folks are on the team, who they are, etc.) but they should be aware that this isn't a monogamous situation. Too often, folks make assumptions about their status (I hate to say this but ladies we are known for assuming we're a dudes only chick) and then they get their feelings hurt. Plus, I think its bad energy/karma to keep folks in the dark. Let them know the deal, and if they decide to keep dating you its by their own free will, not because you are letting them believe some pipe dream.

  3. I don't think she needs to tell any of them about each other. That is just foolish b/c men get all bent out of shape when they find out they are not the only one, even if you are not in a relationship. But men will be quick to let a woman know that "we are not in a relationship" if confronted about another female. She owes no one any explanation.

    If she is sleeping with them, I hope she is doing so safely and that may slightly change things. But overall, if she is not asked, why should she tell? Even if asked, she should avoid answering the question and ask him why he wants to know given the fact that they are not in a relationship. Even if things lead to a relationship with any of these men, she still shouldn't say anything, just let the other guys go.

    As a woman, it's always good to keep a few men around, so you're not too focused on one man. That way if you do find out he is dating other chicks, you don't feel hurt/stupid b/c you were only focusing on him. I wouldn't advise sleeping with all of them, but they can all serve different purposes, and each one can think he is the only one/ special. There is no relationship, so there should be no issue? Your business is your business. What they don't know can't hurt them.

  4. @remi

    "I don’t think she needs to tell any of them about each other. That is just foolish b/c men get all bent out of shape when they find out they are not the only one, even if you are not in a relationship."

    Well if you know the truth will make dudes get bent out of shape, then why even subject them to that? I don't ask maliciously/sarcastically. I'm just playing the devil's advocate. I think you're perspective is very similar to a couple of chicks in the conversation I was having.

  5. When a man marks his territory (take that to be sex, paying for a meal or a drink) it doesn't make him happy when another man ends up in that territory. He marked it for a reason.

    Thus, it always pisses a man off.

    Make no mistake about my stance, I don't think anyone should seriously date more than one person at a time. You shouldn't have that much time in your life. … And I think it creates a dependency/habit that will fester in a relationship/marriage and ruin it.

    That said, a woman shouldn't tell a guy she's dating more than one guy. He'll blow a gasket internally at least. … A man can, because women don't seem to care as much …

  6. @Slim – "Well if you know the truth will make dudes get bent out of shape, then why even subject them to that?"

    LOL. I'm not laughing at your response just at the fact men take this type of thing so serious. (No disrespect)

    I don't think it's that deep though. Men are not being subjected to anything besides their own egos. If a woman is not sleeping with them, then it is not that serious. Date whoever b/c, in the end, it is only that woman's business.

    Men do it all the time and no one gets bent out of shape, everyone says that women should just stop "reading to much into things," so we don't get hurt b/c of our incorrect assumptions. So for men I say let go of the ego problem and it should not be an issue.

  7. Sounds like some wise women were in that conversation. Men have this pride/ego thing that never ceases to amaze me. Case and point: I was in a situation where I was seeing more than one gentlemen (not necessarily sexually), and one of them told me that he was seeing other women as well. I didn't realize (or even think about it) until he told me, but when he did, I told him "Good for you. Have fun with that." He wasn't getting the goodness, I just enjoyed his being around and desired nothing more than our flirtatious encounters. He was taken aback by my nonchalance and asked me if I was seeing other dudes. I told him "of course," and he flipped. Went through this whole thing about how I was leading him on and "playin him like a sucka." Word? Allow me to hand you your bitch-card.

    Guys don't want to know these things. In lieu of the obvious double standard that exists, y'all are too prideful to entertain the idea that we don't think the world of you and only you. I say, you do you, and I'll do me. If you're just on my starting line up, I don't particularly care what you're doing when you're sitting on the bench.

  8. @Remi

    "If a woman is not sleeping with them, then it is not that serious. Date whoever b/c, in the end, it is only that woman’s business."

    If she's not sleeping with the dude, then why not just say there's other people in the mix? It would be the "honest" thing to do, and it'll allow him the opportunity to decide if he wants to be there. This brings me to a new point for the masses…

    Is it just me or when this situation deals with men being in the line up and not telling them about other dudes that it's about their egos? And when it's women, it's about the man being selfish and dishonest and…well a man?

  9. Now as a guy who has lived the "life" so to speak with a great starting lineup, I used to believe that doing me and keeping everyone in the dark was cool. Then the women in the lineup all wanted more and I just couldn't give everyone the time, attention, and turkey sausage they all wanted and needed. I kept ruining great friendships, I wasn't being upfront with them. They believed that they were #1. As I matured I couldn't continue with playing childish games, so I began being upfront that way the women knew what time it was. It is also a relief. As far as ole girl is concerned, if she is sleeping with all of these dudes it is only right to let them know. Give these cats a choice in the matter. Yes, revealing this information will be hard but at the end of the day it's only right.

    Great blog by the way Slim keep up the good work.

  10. She shouldn't tell those dudes a dayum thing. Further, she shouldn't even be discussing it in any forum. If she has a rotation going, she needs to keep it between her, her cellphone and her outlook calendar. Why? It's a small world. Also, if she's discussing it with her girls, one of those heffas will probably make a 'mistake' and say something to or around the dudes.

    The way I see it, dating is like looking for a job. Do yo utell your current employer you're going on an interview? No. You tell them you have a doctor's appt.

  11. wow

    i just started seeing this really cool guy and we had this convo last night

    he said "you aint my girl, what you do when you aren't with me isn't my business. Now if we decide to get serious, then what you do would be an issue, but since I aint put no ring on your finger and we aint make this official, I can't say shit"

    Very mature response right there. And he is right. (take note you young whipper snappers)

    He won't ask me who I am seeing or if I am seeing someone else because he feels its not his place.

    I asked him was he seeing other girls, but only cause I thought about giving him the goods. I dont like to share dangalang and I want to know my options.

    my thing is, I dont like my options taken away. When you lie to someone about seeing other people, you take away their choice to deal with you while you are dealing with others.

    And ladies, I made a blog post about assumptions too.
    http://whatdcpeoplehate.blogspot.com/2008/09/hes-

    click the link for a refresher

  12. @ Slim – "If she’s not sleeping with the dude, then why not just say there’s other people in the mix? It would be the “honest” thing to do, and it’ll allow him the opportunity to decide if he wants to be there."

    B/c men get all bent out of shape and probably will assume that she is sleeping around or whatever, even if that is not the case. It's not about honesty because if you are not asked, you do not need to disclose, and even if asked, it is none of his business.

    As for the question you posed to everyone, a lot of men know that they are leading a woman on and have no problem continuing with that, and that is usually what people are commenting on when they say men's actions are selfish, etc. Those situations usually involve sex, and that gets feelings involved, that's different from the situation here.

    Here, I am just talking about dating, no sex involved. If people blame it on men's egos, then men are the ones to blame b/c a man will avoid admitting that something like that is hurtful anyway, and blame it on his ego.

    I'm not saying lead someone on, I'm just saying what you do is your business, and that men live by that all the time, so why shouldn't women? Why should you give information, just because? If you are just casually dating that conversation should not even come up because it is not that serious. In the end, to paraphrase Nyela Goodness, men just do not like to know that they are not the only person you are focused on.

  13. @thismayconcernyou – That's the key point right there, men are territorial.

    @true – see my above comment. that's why men say it's none of their business because if they know they go ape sh*t.

    I think it's cool to know a chick is with more than one guy as long as everyone is in the know. However, I think that some hard rankings should be in place and honesty is the best policy. People need to always know where they fit on the ladder.

  14. It seems to me that men like to live in this delusional fantasy world that they are the only one…. and I say let them stay there. Otherwise you'd NEVER be able to date because everyone would be getting pissed off due to the very nature of dating (i.e. getting to know people before you get serious). Sure some can handle it better than others, and my hat goes off to them, but I say that ignorance is bliss (and that goes for myself as well…. I don't wanna know what you were doing before I had the right to demand exclusivity). I think telling is only useful as a technique to get folks to step up their game…. you'd be AMAZED what a little competition does for folks.

  15. It all depends on the man's intentions and the role they have on the team. If I'm just seeing a woman and it's about sex, then what she does outside of me is her business. If we are dating, I automatically assume she's dating other people as well because more than likely, so will I. Dating automatically implies that you play the field, hang out with different people, and see who you like and who you don't.

    I think it should be implied that Im seeing other people. If I hollered at you, you think you were the only girl I propositioned for the math? Women get harassed offers 2000 times a day, so I assume that they take a few dudes up on those offers. I only think it becomes an issue if exclusivity is involved. Otherwise, I handle the team like Tony Almeida and em in 24. lol

  16. This topic always seems to paint us men as these evil assholes and women as these innocent victims who are simple trying to "even the game" … n sh*t. Women will almost always say "its none of his business" and that he doesn't need to know … which is sad.

    Personally, if they don't ask, you don't say anything until its needed. If he/she asks, you owe it to them to be honest and also say it in a non a$$holish way. Personally, I usually ask as soon as I care. When the person is more than a cut buddy or just dinner companion, then I deserve to know about the competition.

    So to your friend, if they haven't asked or hinted, the she is probably ok. If she is sleeping with multiple, that's a touchy subject. If she is cool with sharing the dick, then nothing has to be said. If any of them ask though, or even hint at something real, she has to disclose or cut off all others.

  17. I laught, but then I cry.

    I understand having a lineup. But sleeping with the entire lineup is not The Cool. If you are going to have a lineup, only one (in my, lonesome opinion) should be getting the body taps. Another can be a spooner/bed warmer, another can be the date buddy (hey, let's go to the Hawks game! Hey let's go [insert whereever here]!), another can be your gchat boo who keeps you company while at work.

    But for the sake of the all too precious and delicate male ego. They should never know. Trust me. I once had a guy who was my cuddle partner & meet me up at the Underground for a quick bite to eat. Once he realized that he was not the body tapper (well to be fair, no one was), and that he wasn't even a contender for the starting position, he lost it. To this day he tries to prove his worth and tell me how awesome everyone else thinks he is. I can't deal. LOL

  18. I think it depends on her intent with these guys. Has she scouting the starting line up to find a potential star player, or is she wasting the players time giving them false hopes? Because if she is just "doing her" and has no obligations to any of these men, then no she shouldn't. But if she is looking for something more, then she should at least express the fact that she is dating other guys but that's all she should say. No details about what she's doing with each, that's none of their business… unless she's getting D from multiple then that's nasty and they all need to know to go get tested or remove themselves from the proverbial orgy.

    I think it's different for men and women when it comes to sex and emotions, but yet a level of respect should be maintained. It's not anymore acceptable but when it comes to sex we all need to be mindful of the consequences of our actions.

  19. I am not cool with sleeping with multiple people. Whether people lie about it or not (I have no scientific evidence) but condoms 'break' and who wants to be living a real life Maury Povich?

    If someone asks, I think you should tell them the truth. If no one asks, then you are not at libery to say anything.

    I will never ask if I am the only woman you are seeing while we are dating bc I don't want to know. My jealous possessive ways cannot handle it. Plus, I don't think you own me any kind of exclusivity until we have an established committed relationship.

  20. I think that she should let all the dudes know that they are casually dating and not exclusive. Therefore it is implied but not explicitly stated that there may or may not be other men in the picture.

    If they want to get froggy and start asking questions, then by all means she should answer them honestly.

  21. Don't ask, Don't tell

    If you don't ask, Don't assume

    Dr. J……nope..most men dont want to know…like my comment above, he really didn't want to know if I was seeing other people , you are right…he just was making sure I didn't tell him.

    And I agree with Remi, When a man leads a woman on to believe she is the only one knowing full well he dicking someone else down and it would hurt both their feelings…he is selifsh and lame. (I had it happen to me)
    And usually men are the one to do that kind of thing.

    There is still a double standard out there …whether we like it or not

    This goes back to my ex, he thought it was cool for him to have a bunch of female friends he hung out with and what not, but I called one dude one time and he DIPPED and went off

    lol..up to no good I tell ya

  22. I dont think this is about sleeping around …

    More so about dating around….

    But I have a question, what if you feeling more than one guy/girl, and you are not into the celibacy thing, how does one decide who to sleep with?

    Do you stop seeing other people when the walls have been entered?

    Or..is this another example of dont ask dont tell? (protected sex of course)

  23. 22. true
    April 28, 2009 at 10:49 am

    I dont think this is about sleeping around …

    More so about dating around….

    But I have a question, what if you feeling more than one guy/girl, and you are not into the celibacy thing, how does one decide who to sleep with?

    Do you stop seeing other people when the walls have been entered?

    Or..is this another example of dont ask dont tell? (protected sex of course)

    ^^^
    You sample, then select.

  24. Well being the consumate multitasker that I am…I say it's whatever. I personally let men know from jump what I'm looking for and what I'm doing. I'm single, so I date and I will continue to date until I find reason to not date, which usually means someone stepping up to the plate and locking it down.

    He will know from the starting gate that he is a member of a small roster of fellas. It goes a little something like this, "I think it's fair for you to know that I am seeing other men. I feel like it's important for me to find the right fit at this point in my life, so I'm dating around until I do…now this isn't to be confused with sleeping around but I am keeping my eyes and ears open for a good match."

    Here's the thing, I'm almost 30 and I'm done playing games…so if that little tidbit scares him away then either he wasn't up for the challenge or he's not looking for anything serious.

    Either way I only like confident and aggressive men, and any man who thinks that I may be worth the effort will stick around and see until he feels that I'm not or I sabotage it(lol).

  25. There's really no right answer this question. We are all humans and at the end of the day are built for self-preservation. That being said, I think this boils down to an issue of respect. First off, I'm from the hood, so to me a date is the thing you write on the top of your homework next to your name. So flat out, if you have any respect for these people or perhaps one person in particular, you'll give them the full hundred.

    "he said “you aint my girl, what you do when you aren’t with me isn’t my business. Now if we decide to get serious, then what you do would be an issue, but since I aint put no ring on your finger and we aint make this official, I can’t say shit”'

    Now that's a good pre-emptive answer, but here's the skinny. He threw that out there just so you know that what you do aint his business. That being said, don't think he's not clockin your actions from now on the same way you are probably clocking his.

    But for men, this really just boils down to an ego issue, which I have a huge one (yes, pun intended). I'm of the opinion that I'm the sh*t, and deep down you know it too, so I have no idea why you would waste your time "dating" other people when I'm already clearly the sh*t. So at the end of the day, if you want to have a "line-up" and not be up-front about it, I have no problem walking away and chalking it up to your loss. After all…B*tch, I'm me.

  26. As for the sex thing, here's my answer to him…"know that i respect you, but until you and i are in a place where we've established some form of exclusivity, it's not a conversation i'm comfortable having."

    Now he can and probably will get all bent out of shape, but he has to earn the right to monopolize any of this, lol.

  27. @LEXSTEELE

    Now that’s a good pre-emptive answer, but here’s the skinny. He threw that out there just so you know that what you do aint his business. That being said, don’t think he’s not clockin your actions from now on the same way you are probably clocking his.

    Yup..I peeped that…BIG TIME..and trust…I dont CLOCk

    But for men, this really just boils down to an ego issue, which I have a huge one (yes, pun intended). I’m of the opinion that I’m the sh*t, and deep down you know it too, so I have no idea why you would waste your time “dating” other people when I’m already clearly the sh*t. So at the end of the day, if you want to have a “line-up” and not be up-front about it, I have no problem walking away and chalking it up to your loss. After all…B*tch, I’m me.

    *bwahahahaha*..REALLY? really REALLY?!?!?

    @ Jasmine..I like that answer lol

  28. @ True

    Yes, really. Where there is smoke, there is fire…so there is definitely a reason for my universe-sized ego.

    Moving on…

    "I think it’s fair for you to know that I am seeing other men. I feel like it’s important for me to find the right fit at this point in my life, so I’m dating around until I do…now this isn’t to be confused with sleeping around but I am keeping my eyes and ears open for a good match.”'

    WTF is this, the Price Is Right? Horrible answer, Jasmine. I appreciate the honesty and all, but I don't know if you got the memo, but the world does revolve around me (at least it should). The same way you have no time for games, I have no time to for you to find the right fit. Either you like what you see or keep it moving.

  29. Honesty is the best solution. Not cruelty, honesty; because if I find out that I am in a relationship where I was not the top prospect from the beginning but part of a roster, that relationship is dead. No drama, No fuss, I will just end it. I will not be manipulated into a relationship. Women don't want to do this though, because in some guy's minds, non exclusivity means that you will (as a woman) never qualify for relationship status. However I do not believe that dishonesty and manipulation are the answer either.

  30. And that my dear Murda is why WE would never date…you aren't the prize in all of this, I am.

    "When a man finds a woman he finds a good thing"…it is NOT the other way around.

    So keeping it moving I shall mister.

    "WTF is this, the Price Is Right?"

    Btw, that is EXACTLY what this is…is what you're selling even worth my time. I thought not.

  31. I feel like if you can even get me to commit..you GOTTA be the shit lol

    Since im not looking or seeking a relationship, you gotta be some kinda bomb ass good head giving ass attentive ass funny ass man to get me to want to settle

    Cause IM the shit…

    see..most women want exclusivity early on…mostly because they dont know their worth is far more than having a man

    eff that.

  32. @ Jasmine

    Ya damn skips it is! And you'd know that if you took the time to figure it out instead of getting your Bob Barker on. And that's cool, whatever method works best for you works for me too. You're right, when a man finds a (good) woman it's a good thing, but if she has ADD, is she gonna realize that she too has found something good? Once again, where's my ego-stroking? If you're the prize, then WTF am I? Chopped liver? Please. You've just minimized me to a gene donor and diamond sponsor. And if that's the case, to hell with dating…I can just knock you up and make sure my accountant cuts that check every month to keep me outta baby daddy court, then have one of my assistants take you on a shopping spree every now and then. Now, I'm sure you are looking for more out of life than just that, but please don't put your p*ssy on a pedestal, cuz I'll break out my sledge and chop it down to size. Prize…please…I cook, clean, dress immaculately, I'm sensitive, charming (mothers love me), my money long from 'bout here to China, and I'm Zeus in bed.

    Is what I'm selling worth your time? Ha! My resume and letters of recommedation are available upon request from [email protected]. Yes honey, I'm the sh*t.

  33. I have one question. Why would you give your options, options? If someone has a starting line-up or dream team, there is typically no exclusivity involved. And if their is (and you are really gansta) everyone should be on the same page.

  34. @ true – I couldn't agree more.

    @LexSteele – "You’re right, when a man finds a (good) woman it’s a good thing, but if she has ADD, is she gonna realize that she too has found something good?"

    Just because you date multiple people at a time, does not mean you won't realize when a good person comes along. What most men don't realize is that you have to show a woman that you are worth it. A lot of men expect a whole lot, without showing why they should even have all of that. So until you show a woman you are worth it, I say she should date around, chances are you are too anyway. If you're so great, you will stand out amongst the "competition."

  35. @favisntfair

    "I have one question. Why would you give your options, options? If someone has a starting line-up or dream team, there is typically no exclusivity involved."

    First thing is you're making the assumption that all parties know that there is no exclusivity. Bad idea. That is exactly how people get got.lol

    @Remi

    "What most men don’t realize is that you have to show a woman that you are worth it."

    Not to say sound like a peterhead, but…

    I'm not a fan of having to prove myself to anybody. Though I love chicks, I've never been a chick chaser. I will not openly or consciously compete against any man for a chick, regardless of if I know who he is or not. That guy in romance movies who chases down a chick who is about to get married to someone else is not me. At that point, he can have her.lol.

  36. Can we stop with all this men have ego's bullsh*t. PEOPLE HAVE EGOs.

    The same person who is on here complaining about the male ego, is the same person saying that their a "prize". If that sh*t aint egotistical … I don't know what is.

    So, as we continue this debate … lets acknowledge that the male ego is no worst than the female ego … different … yes … but no worst. Women don't like sharing d*ck just as we don't wanna share p*ssy.

    SBM out …

  37. you are right SBM…about egos…

    oh i'm fucking stuck on myself..I think I am the shit (more so now than when I was with my ex) and no one can take that from me unless I let them.

    if I so CHOOSE to date a man dating other women, oh well. its a CHOICE, it has nothing to do with me "competing" or trying to land him or nothing like that…especially if I am exploring my options still as well.

    and like I said, I wont tell if you dont ask…and if you dont ask, DONT ASSUME

    but until we exclusive..really its nonya…but I will be fair and answer your question to a certain extent if you REALLY want to know

    If you want to know to boost your ego..you gon get an ego let down if its not what you want to hear lol

    that happen to me once with a cut buddy..he asked me to come see him at some wee hour..I did. He said "why you come when I called"

    I blankstared. What he wanted to hear was some ego crap..the real reason was cause I wanted some head before I went to sleep lol …it wasn't that serious. I didn't answer lol

  38. @true: I agree with you on this assumptions thing … kind of.

    I believe in Murphy's Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. This means that the world is a cold mean place to me (ain't I a ray of sunshine!).

    As a result, if I'm dating someone, she is f*cking my brother. I can't care and its her right to give my little brother the bidness. If I decide I want to bun her up and I want to make it serious, then it is my responsibility to ask.

    I psuedo retract my first comment hours ago … she doesn't have to say anything unless someone asks. They should all assume she is f*cking everything moving and them too … and if they have a problem with that … they should verify it … but she has a responsibility to be 100% honest with them. That "I'm not comfortable answering that question" is 100% bullsh*t.

    SBM out … again … boss is walking up on me

  39. First off… Good post Slim.

    Now…

    I am an advocate in letting people know if you have a "line-up", "roster", or whatever your term may be from the start. Why?? It gives the other person the CHIOCE to either stay and take-on the competition or graciously bow-out before anyone gets hurt. When you decide to not tell the other person(s) that you are seeing someone else that holds an interest with you also, then you are making a choice for that person to potentially be hurt. Call me naive for thinking I am your only one, and I call you a @ss for not letting me know whats up from the start. Simply stated… let your parties know whats up, and give them their CHOICE. That way if down the line the party(s) wants to huff and puff about you spending more time with another, or whatever the case may be, you can let them know that they knew what it was from the jump. Ohhh, and especially if you find yourself having "relations" with different people in the party, whether it be the whole line-up or just two, when someone gets caught up with an "uninvited" friend, Lord forbid, there won’t be no skeletons jumping out the closet. You will all know that the main guy or girl had others on the side. It happens… although this SHOULD NOT be an excuse, at least you can say, well… you know I was seeing some other people. lol. Okay so maybe even after that I would be ready to still tap some @ss.

    Hope everyone is having a good day!

  40. @Slim – "I’m not a fan of having to prove myself to anybody. Though I love chicks, I’ve never been a chick chaser. I will not openly or consciously compete against any man for a chick, regardless of if I know who he is or not. That guy in romance movies who chases down a chick who is about to get married to someone else is not me. At that point, he can have her.lol."

    LOL, but seriously, showing someone that you are worth it goes both ways. I didn't mean chasing down a female or having to "prove" yourself. Relationships are about mutuality, so no one should feel as if the other has to "prove" his/her worth or value. I was just responding to LexSteele talking all that stuff about how great he is.

    As for competing with other men, you wouldn't be competing and even if you were you wouldn't know, if the woman doesn't let you know that she is dating other people.

    Ok, back to writing this appellate brief for now… 🙁

  41. SBM and Murda…no one OWES anyone anything until a declaration of exclusivity has been made. i don't have a problem with the male ego because i know you have them…as do i, but my ego stems from my pride in a being a woman of character…yours from being the "man"

    i know my place in a RELATIONSHIP, but until we have one the gloves are off. and a GOOD man will see that and not want any other man to come near it.

    you see the problem with you new generation "men" is that you've lost your sense of urgency when finding a good woman, but as a man told me just last night, "you're quality, you're a queen and i see that…and i'm going to make sure i do what's right by you by doing whatever it takes to make you mine."

    so you see, i LOVE the male ego…especially when it appreciates me in all of my glory. but make no mistake, i recognize a good man when i see one, and the time i spend with the others have a propensity to fade during our dating dance, but i will not sell myself short by putting all of my hopes into ONE man, without knowing that he's down for 100.

    And RLC Murda, I think I'll pass…that's too much "cock" in cocky for me. I'm good on assholes, I think I've met my quota for the new millenium.

  42. And I was just responding to the prize stuff. A lot of people talk the talk but can't live it. And that's what I'm about. If we were dating, there'd be no need for me to say all this stuff to you because it would be manifested through my actions. I don't cook and dress nice to impress women…I cook because my mama taught me how and I dress well because I have impeccable taste. But you'd never get to know that if I was just the Wednesday guy.

  43. Jasmine…

    It's MR. Asshole, thank you very much!

    Here's how I look at things. If this guy knows you are currently still dating others and is going this hard at you, he's clearly soft and you must like the type of men you can walk all over. That's cool, to each their own. Just don't ever think you will get my 100% percent attention if I know full well that I don't have yours. Once again, don't get it twisted, I know how to treat a queen, and like I said that will come out in my daily habits, cuz mama raised a gentleman (and daddy raised a cocksman). The problem with "new generation women" is that they think just because they push kids out that I'm supposed to kiss your ass morning, noon and night. Nuttin t'all guh so. You can't burn your bra and get breakfast in bed mama…pick one. It's this false sense of entitlement that is getting these newbies in trouble.

    "but make no mistake, i recognize a good man when i see one, and the time i spend with the others have a propensity to fade during our dating dance, but i will not sell myself short by putting all of my hopes into ONE man, without knowing that he’s down for 100."

    Are you reading what you type, or just letting it fly? "Propensity to fade?" Sorry, that's not really the show of good faith I was looking for. None of this "dating" stuff is an exact science, so sometimes you just have to walk on faith. But I can't put my faith in such ambiguous language.

  44. @ANN – But you also have to be willing to commit yourself – most of us ladies have been in the position of being the last to know we weren’t in a committed relationship. Or a relationship at all. So don’t jump out there unless you’re ready.

    RIGHT

    We be all down for a ninja, but one day you realize after he do some shady shit he never thought you were his girl in the first place!!

    and men rude wif the shit…MOSt (not all) expect a woman to be all up in them..and they ALL up in other women (true story, happened to me a couple times)

    I know what you saying lexsteele, really I do, who wants a woman that spend her time with others..but, how do we know you are only seeing us if you dont discuss the whole "seeing other people" thing, and you should only be discussing that when you want to talk about being exclusive

    so the rule still stands LexSteele, unless you say you want exclusive rights to the gal, she has a right to do what you are doing…."explore your options"

    And if you dont want to KNOW if she doing her thang, then DONT ASK

    Period

    (vice versa ladies…DONT ASSUME)

  45. A little late but…

    Don't tell them anything. I agree you shouldn't sleep with them all. Based on the health risk alone I wouldn't advise this. But if you're just dating and having a good time then, keep them in the dark.

  46. “you see the problem with you new generation “men” is that you’ve lost your sense of urgency when finding a good woman,”

    I think its more than men realize that they dont need to put all their eggs in one basket, because if they drop that shyt, then they have no more eggs.

    If you find a good woman, and you’re at that point in your life where you want to settle, you will settle. Otherwise, you’ll just play the field. I think we still have that sense of urgency, but its not liek the old days where dudes is fightin over the P. This aint Happy Days and Im not the Fonz. IM not the ed all be all for women and vice versa. It all depends on your mentality and what EXACTLY you’re looking for when dealing with that lady.

  47. I knew it…I think I see a little fire getting ready to spark b/w Jasmine and RCLS. Something along the lines of:

    Jasmine: You don’t impress me.
    RCLS: You don’t impress ME.
    Jasmine: Fool, don’t you know I’m a dayum dime? You’re lucky to know me.
    RCLS: Don’t you smell my freshly folded laundry?!? You ain’t the sh*t! I’M the sh*t!
    Jasmine: Well if you’re so great then prove it.
    RCLS: (Looking at camera and smiling) Sure will.

    Cue Cocksman theme music, end scene. I could see this coming from 25 posts up – RCLS even slipped in the email addy.

    In other news….

    I say you’re not exclusive until someone (usually the man) requests it. Until then, don’t ask – you don’t want to know. If you want to see your girl exclusively then put yourself out there and bun her, but even then you don’t need to know who and what she was doing before. We’re all adults here, and we all have pasts. If you’re doing what you’re supposed to then you won’t have to worry about hers, period. But you also have to be willing to commit yourself – most of us ladies have been in the position of being the last to know we weren’t in a committed relationship. Or a relationship at all. So don’t jump out there unless you’re ready.

    And fellas, when we talk about your egos, it’s not that we think you have bigger egos. We just know y’alls egos are a little more…..*sigh*….fragile. Love ya for it, though!

  48. Sure tell 'em, I do when I'm dating multiple guys. However, in my book dating and sex are two separate things. There is nothing wrong with dating lots of guys…nothing, that's how you get to know people. Hell how else are you gonna get coupled up if you don't get out. I wouldn't restrict myself like I was married trying the one by one and turning people down like I'm married. I don't have sex with multiple people so if your doing that ('cause I know a lotta people think sex and dating go together) you should tell too if asked.

  49. Sorry I was at the gym getting my dyme action on…lol @ Anna!

    I'm not interested in RCL Murda proving anything to me…obviously he feels that he's the shit, and personally I think he's just full of it.

    And who said anything about me being new age, I'm as interdependent as they come. But I will not put all my energy into one man until I'm sure that he's worth it, and I don't have a problem with him doing the same.

    And that dude is a little older, and he knows I'm pursued heavily…anyone who knows me knows that but he was spitting his game(albeit genuine). Trust me he's far from soft, the exact opposite…pimpin is more like it, lol.

    But RCLS…oh I'm sorry, Mr. Asshole…this works for me. I'm honest and upfront and it has never stopped anyone from wanting to lock me down, the proof is dated a year back on this blog.

    @Anna: I've had enough Blog Love/Drama to last me a lifetime…I think I'll pass on the obvious email solicitation, lol.

    Besides he's on the west coast and I don't do LDR's.

  50. I'm all about the letting it be known. I don't share all the details but I let it be known you are not the only one I'm seein/datin/cuttin whatever the case may be. Without having that up front conversation you are asking for hell to come your way. Just be grown folk about it.

  51. PUT ME IN COACH
    Man if she likes any one of these guys she shouldnt say jack if she dont give a flyin f she still shouldnt say jack cuz if any of them have real game they will stick around to beat but all that going out stuff is a done deal now the suckers might stick around but thats all shes gonna be left with is some suckas

  52. RCLS, I went to the blog and figured that a man who calls himself Seattle Washington would actually be either in or from Seattle Washington.

    Since you're not Slim, and you're not the chic…that only leaves Seattle.

    …excuse me if my logic was…well too logical.

  53. You again. Shouldn't you be on a date?

    Look again, sweetie. The website is three ways to take it, but sometimes it comes 4 the hard way. I'm the fourth. RightCoastLexSteele aka Dark Diggla aka Di Gyal Dem Sugah. So do this…go back…look under categories…and my name is actually the very first one. It's spelled Right Coast Lex Steele. Maybe the spaces threw you off. Peruse some of my work, it could give you great icebreakers for your upcoming season of "The Bachelorette".

    Reading.is.fundamental. Logic…not so much.

    P.S. Watch ya mouth, Ms. Jenkins don't like being called a chic…

  54. Hold on, hold on.

    I'm Seattle Washington. The fact that I'm not from Seattle or live there is neither here nor there. While RCLS and I are both card carrying Cocksman, we are two separate entities.

    That is all, now please continue with your witty and entertaining banter.

  55. Oh so you're a category. I'm sorry…I didn't scroll ALL the way DOWN to the BOTTOM of the screen and look for your tiny little "random commentary".

    You know, there was once a time when I would go hard on my home keys on this very blog, but eh…you win. I concede.

    And I'll pass on reading any of your work.

    Based on what you've said thus far, logic would deduce that it would all seem rather mindless, shallow and one-sided to me.

    And yes Right Coast is the East Coast…your cookie cake is in the mail.

    @Seattle: "The fact that I’m not from Seattle or live there is neither here nor there."

    …now that's just plain silly, but I can dig it.

  56. Yea, it's not quite at the bottom, but we've already established that your sense of the direction ain't Piccaso. Yes, all the writers are listed under "Categories" so our fans can easily access our work. And we've also clearly established your logic is faulty as well (Seattle being on the Right Coast and all). But hey…hold on to that cookie cake…save it for one of your contestants. I'd prefer a rum cake anyway.

    @Seattle: “The fact that I’m not from Seattle or live there is neither here nor there.”

    …now that’s just plain silly, but I can dig it.

    Well if I'm not mistaken, Jasmine means "gift from God" and you seem to be the exact opposite, but no one's calling your folks any names…

    Prize…ha! What contest in hell do you have to win to get that??

    **The views of RightCoastLexSteele are his and do not necessarily reflect the views of SBM, SBM.net, or the ThreeWaystoTakeit.com writing staff**

  57. "Yea, it’s not quite at the bottom, but we’ve already established that your sense of the direction ain’t Piccaso."

    Touche'…lol.

    Damn, I said you win, but winning just isn't enough for you now is it. *smh*

  58. I can't believe ya'll really were over here carrying on all day … *sigh*

    Please don't take things back to the old days … took a lot of work to create all this peace and harmony and sh*t we got going on over here.

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