The Prime Directive

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barack-obama-vulcan
The Spock Obama, lol

Saturday, I went to see Star Trek. This remake shockingly pleased me, as after the things I heard about Wolverine, I set my expectations low. The casting incredible, the plot great, and the effects were KEY for this film. This movie is the best of all Star Trek movies in my opinion, and I would recommend this to everyone unless you don’t like sci-fi, and if you don’t see it, commit Plaxicocide immediately! What’s my point? Well this movie made me remember how this show juxtaposes different cultural, racial, and gender specific aspects of our own society and uses aliens and different situations to explore these issues. One code that the Federation upholds is the Prime Directive. This rule explicitly states the following:

As the right of each sentient species to live in accordance with its normal cultural evolution is considered sacred, no Starfleet personnel may interfere with the normal and healthy development of alien life and culture. Such interference includes introducing superior knowledge, strength, or technology to a world whose society is incapable of handling such advantages wisely.

Basically, since many worlds Kirk and company travel to don’t have the same capabilities and advancements as the Federation, they cannot interfere in that world and races natural evolution as a society, at any costs. I immediately identified with this notion, because I employ my own Prime Directive when it comes to friends and relationships. Consider the following scenario:

Situation #1:
You go out to the club with your friends, and you scope the area. You see a lot of debauchery, partying, and people going crazy. You turn and see a dude popping bottles, dancing with mad women. Basically, he’s shining. You soon realize you notice this dude, but you can’t recall how. Then, it hits you like that left hook from Many Paquiao – that’s xyz’s boyfriend, but xyz is nowhere to be found! So you calmly go about your business. The following day, XYZ asks about your weekend and mentions that her man had to work all weekend and couldn’t hang out with her. Should you tell her what you saw or keep your mouth shut?!

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Situation #2:
You are good friends with two people who are in a relationship. They have “issues”. You get the story from both sides,and basically see the end result. They both ask for your advice. Do you tell them what the other says? Do you mold the conversation towards the “Best possible outcome”? Do you change the subject and stay out of it?

It’s safe to say we’ve been in both situations before. So what’s the rule of engagement? When selecting a Prime Directive to follow, you must consider the following:

Accountability – If you witness and report on an act committed by an individual which you consider deviant to their relationship protocols, you can and will be held accountable. You do this knowing that eventually your snitching involvement in the situation can and will be brought to light. Even if you use the classic phrase “Just don’t tell them I said it”, trust that the word will get out, so you’ll have to deal with questions from the other side of the aisle. What if you were wrong? You know the friends who report all your movements to your S/O, only to get the “I knew that” routine and make that friend look like an idiot. Whether or not you can handle that pressure influences this decision.

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Choosing friends – When you have two friends in a relationship you will hear both sides of a situation (at different times of course, you aint Dr Phil!). You may not like certain aspects of one friends actions, the people a friend wants to date instead of the S/O with which they have problems, and you end up getting emotionally involved in a relationship that isn’t YOURS! They want to know your advice, and know your opinion. These friends provide you with knowledge that one friend doesn’t have (the person has a side piece, they speak about ending it, they lied about something important, etc). Your advanced knowledge of the situation and common trust between the two individuals gives you an unmatched position of power. You sometimes feel compelled to share information with one person at the risk of alienating another, or sway them in one direction when you should be impartial. With great power, comes great responsibility and you have to decide if you want that role.

Co-defendant – “Yo, if XYZ asks, I was with you this weekend”. A recipe for disaster. How about people using you as an alibi without informing you? Alibi FAIL! Do you agree? Will you be ready for that 3AM phone call? Do you even play along?

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My personal Prime Directive tells me that I do NOT interfere in situations between a man and woman when I have existing knowledge of certain situations. I must allow for the natural order and evolution of their relationship to go untainted by me. If I see a woman at the club talking it up with dudes when I know she goes out with my homie, I won’t say a word. I’m not going to be cited as “big brother” and get in the middle of things. If I see her tonging dudes down in the club, I’ll ask about their relationship before making that decision to drop dime. When I have two friends in a relationship, I hear both sides and remain objective. I won’t tell stuff that the other confides in me, and I’ll usually ask them not to let me know if they’re being grimy, so I’m not in that position…lol. I won’t try to usher them in a direction to reconcile. I’ll offer constructive advice and let them make the decision. It’s difficult, but like the great Spock, I cannot let emotion consume or guide my decisions in that case.

As you can see, my Prime Directive has clauses and by-laws, what about you? Do you follow a Prime Directive in this situation? Do you drop dime and ask questions later? Do you look the other way and hope you never gets asked about the situation?

Streetz alias “My name is Bennet, and I aint in it!”

Comment(21)

  1. #1 situation: It depends on the friend. Some "friends" will get mad at you for saying that.

    #2: I was in that situation not to long ago… They'd both been doing wrong in the relationship and towards the end the chick ended up cheating. I never told neither of them the information I knew, and encouraged them to talk about it. When she decided to tell him, he put two and two together that I knew the entire time and got pissed bc I didn't tell him she was cheating. I really don't care- it's not my job.

  2. In all situations i dont say squat simpley because ive been there and all that happens is everybody is mad at you and the two people end up staying together and the one you told doesnt want to kick it with you anymore because they are ashmaed

  3. Great post! I respond the exact same way in each situation you described. The only difference is that I never outright say someone is cheating. Instead I'll push them both in the direction of truth. I guilt trip the cheater into admittance, and tell the cheated-on stories about other people cheating. I also weigh out the factor of allegiance- if I am closer to one than the other, then I will take a side.

    P.S. I shamelessly have a huge crush on Spock.

  4. So much to say…. time to liven the places up!

    I'm not saying sh*t, point blank. Unless I consider you serious fam and the person is being egregious. For example, if dude is popping bottles, that's on him. If he's making out at the bar with some chick, i'm going to tell my serious fam. But if you ain't serious fam, i'm reverting back to not saying sh*t.

    I don't choose friends. I don't like to be in the middle of other people's drama. And believe it or not I think that my silence is the reason why people can trust me. It's no secret, Dr. J has been a long standing life coach. I will take ish with me to the GRAVE.

    As it comes to being a co-defendant, that's optional. I don't see that as being that bad, but if you feel like you are uncomfortable with it it's time to speak up.

    Sometimes these situations explode when someone finds out they been cheated on and they know you knew… since this rarely happens it's worth the risk.

  5. I dont have these issues. I dont have many platonic friends. With that being said, I will tell my mans about his chick in the club b/c I'm probably more of a friend to him than to her. However, if I have 2 legitimate friends who are dating, I do my best to make sure that they do no evil towards each other and thus I dont have the issue

  6. good post son.

    if i'm friends with only one party, i'm definitely saying something to my friend. i don't have any ties to the other person. if i'm friends with both parties then that becomes a little more tricky. i think i wouldn't say anything. if one of the parties is doing dirt, then i think it will eventually come to light.

  7. I think the idea of the prime directive is the perfect way to interpret both situations. You can't introduce superior knowledge if the parties are incapable of handling it properly. No matter your level of friendship with either or both parties, you have to make a decision based on what you know about them and your perception of how they will react.

    Is dude/chick going to say you are throwing salt and they don't believe you?

    Do they sincerely want advice, or are they looking for an excuse to keep doing the dirt that they are doing?

    Will they use that knowledge to give them an unreasonable amount of power in the relationship?

    These (and probably a couple more) are questions you should ask yourself before deciding what to do with your intel…

  8. I don't have many platonic guy friends, and the few I have don't date my girls – some circles just don't need to mingle! So my loyalty will always lie with my girlfriends. I'll drop dime in a heartbeat, but only for confirmed shadiness, not suspicion. There's too much to catch out here!

    Now, some chicks may not want to believe what you have to tell them, but that's why they make camera phones. If ole girl decides to stay with a man who she knows is shady, I just have to be supportive and non-judgemental. And if I'm being the best friend I know to be and it STILL messes with our friendship we weren't that close in the first place. You have to be careful, because shade can happen on both sides: some broads can't wait to throw salt in a "friends" relationship, and some broads will hate you for pulling their head out of the sand.

  9. I've been in these situations before.lol. I usually shake my head and say nothing when I observe shady buckets of not-so-goodness occurring. I don't want my name in anything and don't feel like explaining or fielding 30 calls about whatever intel I have.

  10. @ Anna "Now, some chicks may not want to believe what you have to tell them, but that’s why they make camera phones."

    You see? thats that espionage ish..lmao

  11. Sit 1: Tell. In fact, I might text my friend asking why s/he couldn't come out with his/her significant other. And depending on how many drinks I've had, I'd probably go speak to the SO too.

    Sit 2: Give advice that leads to the best possible scenario for me. The best would be for me to remain friends with them both. If that means keeping together, so be it.

    Sit 3: I am a horrible co-d. I had a married friend (now divorced) call and ask me to lie for her so she could cheat. I told her ass I wasn't tryna rack up and hell points messing with her. Further, if her husband called, I'd tell him she wasn't visiting me.

  12. I co-sign with Dr J…. "I’m not saying sh*t!"

    I have one cool girl friend who gets my loyalty but I've never been a platonic friend of her men(s)lol. I have mostly guy friends and like typical guys, they are mute until they really care and luv the chick. My dude does tell me about his friends when they have problems with their chicks but I don't know them and I don't talk either. Other than that, peeps need to work it out themselves.

  13. When it comes to being in a position where you could possibly dime someone out, its not my place to alter someone else's relationship. Whatever you do in the dark will eventually come to light.

    As far as giving out advice, I think that should be a one-way street. If you are cool with one person and you've been for some time and they want your advice, that's fine. But make sure your advice is rational and that you're giving it as someone looking from the outside in. Don't try to put yourself in their place on some, "I would roll to the crib right now and kick down the door son!" No you wouldn't. If you know both parties pretty well, just stay out of it all together.

  14. I dont care about rules

    If you my friend, my family, not just some girl or dude I hang with

    UM SNITCHING

    sorry…I dont care how you react, if you cut me off, you were never my friend in the 1st place …and you deserve what you get

    Im SNITCHING…im going to tell like e mug and take a pic and video and all that

    thats what a real friend gon do

    eff being mad at me or not believing me

    I couldn't go on knowing something like that and not doing the right thing FOR ME by not telling

    eff outta here

  15. My fam is married, my close fam. Im close to their sos as well. But If I know he cheating, im not telling her, but if she cheating, im tellin

    is that weird?

    Probably..but so what..blood over water ..thats my blood you playing wit

  16. @true – I'm sorry, but I try to be a progressive African American, but the [negro] in me has SERIOUS issues with the word, "SNITCHIN"?

    Where is Cam'ron when you need him?

  17. #1 – Although it depends on the situation, for the most part, I ain't saying $hit, unless XYZ is a family member. Bros before hoes, but blood is thicker than water.

    #2 – As someone who has found himself in that situation one too many times (and didn't handle it well), I've learned to stay out of it. Period. And I enforce that with said parties. The minute one of them comes up to me with the "You won't believe…" rant, I tell him to shut it. Not gonna do it.
    http://seveneighteen.wordpress.com/2009/05/13/its

  18. good post!

    so my general rule of thumb is: I won't say anything unless I'm asked, or if it comes up in conversation. so in situation #1, if i see my friend's boo wild'n out in the club I won't run and tell my friend what I saw. However, if he/she said his/her boo was working all wknd, I'd be like, "oh is that so? well, i saw dude/chick dropping it like it was hot in the club on Saturday." only in extreme cases of recklessness will i offer up the information without being asked/discussed.

    in the case of situation #2, I would prob tell my friends to talk to each other, especially when asked about the underhanded dealings of the other… I assume that me deferring that question to the other is enough of a hint that something's up. I will speak up though if one of them says something inaccurate about the other based on the knowledge that i may have.

    back in college, i was asked by a former good friend to lie to her boyfriend for her, and because she was my girl, i did (she wasn't cheating, just a lil crazy lol). when her man found out what happened, he was acting like it was my idea to lie in the first place. so ever since then, my rule was updated to say that i will only lie for myself or my family… that's it. so if a friend asked me to lie about something, i'd just tell him/her not to get me involved because i will tell the truth (when asked).

  19. Like the end of the post said, "My name is Bennet, and I ain't in it." I wouldn't want anybody snitchin' on me, and so I wouldn't do it to anyone else. Nobody likes a snitch a$$ b*tch.

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