Home Dating & Relationships Relationships The Nugget: The Magical Re-appearing ex

The Nugget: The Magical Re-appearing ex

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This isn’t about chicken nuggets or gold nuggets or even the Denver Nuggets.  It’s about something far less valuable.  You know that little teeny weeny itty bitty little nugget that just won’t go away?  No matter how many times you flush it, it just won’t go away.  It just keeps coming right back up.  For some reason, this nugget is determined to not go away.  It floats there, teasing you…becoming a blight on your life.  You just can’t get rid of this nugget.

This particular nugget I speak of, however, is not your lunch, but the ex that just won’t go away.  The relationship is over, but somehow they are still…there. Where?  There.  No matter how many times you try to get rid of them, they just keep popping back up.  They find a way to very intricately weave themselves into your life after the relationship is over.  This little nugget  has so many ways to pop back up.  Sometimes it could feel like you see them more now the relationship is over than when you were together.  Depending on how the relationship ended, this could make certain situations very uncomfortable, especially if you committed the cardinal sin of dating a co-worker.  Now you have to see Mr. “Not Ready for Committment” and Ms. “I don’t like doing that” every single day.  Great.  The most common nuggets are the ones you have friends in common with.  These nuggets are particularly tricky.  You can pretty much bank on seeing this person at every social event you go to.  Church…nugget.  Club…nugget.  Bowling alley…nugget.  Grocery store…nugget.  This nugget just won’t go away.

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The annoying part about the nugget is not so much having to see this person as much as it’s about this person making themselves visible. They follow your every move on facebook/twitter/myspace.  They cleverly pick the brains of friends or co-workers to keep tabs on you.  They find stupid reasons to communicate with you like sending you texts or irrelevant posts on your facebook wall.  Anything at all they can do to get your attention they will.  Some nuggets are motivated by the hope that deep down there is still a chance for your broken relationship to be fixed.  They feel as though if they are persistent enough, they can wear you down and achieve their ultimate goal.  Maybe they’ll get lucky and corner you at the club and blame it on the alcohol.  Or maybe all their incessant and meaningless communications will strike up a convo that leads to more than just talking.  Some nuggets are just evil, salty, haterade drinking demons that have nothing better to do than to show up where they you are going to be and try to rain on your newly single parade.  The nugget will not go away.  At all.

This is why I practice and preach a firm no dating of co-workers policy, because when a co-worker turns into a nugget, this could turn out to be your own personal hell.  Especially if you work closely with this person or you happen to be their superior or vice versa.   More uncomfortable than a prostate exam.  The underlying and subtle problem with this nugget is that it paints a new social landscape for you.  People you used to be cool with are no longer cool with you because you are no longer dating the nugget, or maybe you lose friends based on your affiliation with this nugget.  And no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get rid of this nugget!

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I’m not a relationship expert at all, so I can’t tell you how to get rid of this nugget.  Hopefully the planets align correctly for you and get a good flush in and get rid of this nugget.  Maybe the nugget will stop floating on it’s own and just go away.  But I’m sure we’ve all had our share of little nuggets that just won’t go away.  So let’s help each other out.  Any best practices on nugget removal?  Got a nugget, don’t know to get rid of it?  And for those of you that read this and now all you can think about is going to Mickey D’s for a 10 piece, it’s ok…go ahead.

Cocksman Extraordinaire,
RightCoastLexSteele

Comment(14)

  1. Son,

    I was just thinking about this the other day! Some nuggets get into relationships after you, but still seem to lurk in the shadows. I have a nugget who reappears everytime she breaks up with a bf or feels nostalgic, lmao. It gets pretty comical. Even down to the timing of the things she sends. Once sent me a "reconcilliation" email on my crossing anniversary, and I'm like really?

    Whats even crazier is when I break down the behaviours on some detective ish, and people want to claim I'm paranoid. Women become masters of the important dates, times, and places in your life, record them to memory, and act accordingly. Their affinity for this recognition makes them who they are, and in evil hands can be used to manipulate and torture a dude thats trying to move on.

    Drakes song off So Far Gone says it best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzauLxHxNNg

  2. hmmm… never been a nugget, never have a nugget. When I break it off it's because I found something or someone better to do, and the guys I get involved with have they ish together… so we remain mutual, no biggy. On the contrary… if he dumps me, why would you want a man who doesn't want me? I'm screaming next!

  3. I've had this happen to me. It is not cool. If we agree to remain cordial, fine. But this was some bad ish–and for him to still contacting me. Dragging me into my past. I ain't trying to be Lot's wife. She turned into a pillar of salt.

  4. The nugget is a powerful being. Because of experience they know what to say and do to get the juices all riled up. Does the nugget apply to JOs too? If so, I might be a Nugget Extraordinaire

  5. man, i can really relate to this post. and the funny thing is, i only have one nugget… the first boyfriend i ever had! i mean, i dated this guy for about a year when i was 17… tell me why dude still randomly appears on my doorstep??

    when we first broke up and i went away for college, he used to come to my house and try to hang with my mom and my sis. or he would tell our neighborhood friends how much he still loved me. when i'd come home from my internship in the summer, his ass would be waiting for me on my doorstep… wtf?? so i had to tell dude that he couldn't hang around my house or show up un-announced. eventually he got the hint, and stopped appearing in my 'hood.

    fast forward to this year, I am now 25 (so thats 8 years since me and dude started dating), i ran into dude walking his dog near my house. like, omg! and his ass lives a good 20min walk from my house. so obviously, i haven't found a good way to get rid of this nugget, and i'm looking for suggestions =).

  6. nuggets though? lol.

    i had one nugget but thats because we were in the same circle of friends. that had the potential for disaster. luckily for me my friends are more mature than that and we all were able to handle the situation like adults. she is actually one of my close friends now, so i wouldn't even consider her a nugget. lol.

  7. This is funny b/c I have one who just refuses to go away. He has actually proposed to me a three times since we have broken up. Although we have no friends in common and live in different states, he always seems to "pop up" at my mother's house and he sees my car in the driveway, when I go home.

    I have told him repeatedly that we can never be together and that I will not ever be interested in him romantically again, but it does not matter. He still says that I am the only woman for him and that we will be married soon and have children together. I made the mistake of telling him that I "wished him well", and he took that as me hinting that I still have feelings for him. He just doesn't get it.

  8. Don't get me wrong, I do believe there are exists nuggets that just won't flush. But I also think most nuggets that linger are around because somebody hasn't flushed properly. They do a sort of half ass flush that just doesn't get the job done, leaving an opening that gives that nugget some reason to reappear.

    If somebody can't get rid of a nugget, I think the first place to start is evaluating that person's flushing technique.

    Thoughts?

  9. @Neila – I totally agree in the overwhelming majority of situations, but there are some who just love to linger. They leave for a while and then pop back up, when you least expect, after a few months or years.

  10. Occasional lurker, first time commenting. Love the site 🙂

    "I totally agree in the overwhelming majority of situations, but there are some who just love to linger. They leave for a while and then pop back up, when you least expect, after a few months or years."

    Remi- that's what I'm talking about. Gentlemen, why?

    One ex came back after about 2 months, and I had one call me after 3 yrs around my Bday talking about how he got his life together and was ready for a relationship. I was actually scared. LOL

  11. Man … I feel this one so much … its crazy.

    Nuggets already have facebook, myspace, and twitter … and in a f*cking blog and its a wrap. I've had two pretty extreme cases of nuggets as a result of this here site. One of em isn't that bad … she's nice enough and we do chat on the occasion. The other … well … those from back in the day remember the public drama over that. Someone creating a fake identity and talking to me as this "other" person … yeah … that's gotta be like a super nugget. I should get a golden nugget award for that one.

  12. Remi & Lili : I think it's fair to to say that some nuggets do linger. I've had a lingering nugget of my own. The only remedy was a public flush. I had to call him out in front of his boys. Not something I'm proud of, but it was a last resort.

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