Throwing in the Towel


Get your mind out the gutter.
Get your mind out the gutter.

All good things must come to an end at some point. I guess the same can be said for awfulness or unpleasantries  as well. In many situations, we have some type of control over the end point. If we hate a job, we tighten up our resumes so we can start looking. If we’re good at what we do, we can make a transition to a new gig. If things are going incredibly well in life, there’s bound to be some catastrophic event that knocks us off the path of happiness and leaves us wondering what we did to deserve whatever it is that happened despite how many Sundays in a row we made it to church. If we’re at a casino and having luck at the slot machine or craps table, we know that eventually we’re gonna start losing…badly. If we’re in some sort of competition and gettin our arses kicked, we know that we need to concede at some point because victory is impossible.

How about in relationships? Things usually start off on the peachy side. That goes on for weeks, months, or years. Come to think of it, you don’t really even need to be in a relationship with the person. You could just be f*ckin satisfying each other’s sexual needs. You could be chillin’ on a regular basis givin’ the appearance that y’all are officially together even though neither of you are ready to take it there. Maybe you’re just casually dating and enjoyin’ each other’s company. This sounds all great and orgasmic, but what happens when things start to really go downhill? I don’t mean having one argument or the other person is in a bad mood for one day. I’m talking about when you have consistent issues popping up or you find yourself losing interest in the person that you’re dealing with?

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There’s a infinite number of blogs out there with posts titled “It’s not you, it’s me.” or “How to Break Up with Someone Painlessly”. In those situations, one person isn’t happy with how things are proceeding. In other scenarios, both parties are happy but they can’t just keep going along in whatever mode forever. Regardless, there comes a point where things just need to end. Some people are willing to drag out the process for months or years. They’re willing to just go through the motions because they’re comfortable or they truly want to ensure/fix their relationship or whatever it may be. Many of us have been in relationships where we knew we were fighting an uphill battle, but just did not want to give up. I’m not referencing the crazy and deranged nugget that keeps on resurfacing. I’m talking about those with a genuinely good heart that want to see their situation work out…or even those that are complacent.

We all know a few of the signs that things are headed to their demise. It’s evident in the age and experiences that the readers and writers here share openly. Most of us have seen the symptoms and at some point in life attempted to save a struggling relationship. There are those who can quickly detach and end a situation/relationship at the drop of a dime—though I think those folks are in the minority or never cared that much about the person in the first place. That aside, when things are going bad and efforts to troubleshoot the issue have failed, at what point do we finally decide to call it quits? Given the divorce rate in this country, I’d figure that 50 of those that have been married would be able to provide an answer. Maybe not.

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So for today good people of the SBM community, at what point do you throw in the towel and call a relationship or situation to its end? How much are you willing to put up with before you just dead the sh*t and save yourself the headache or worry? Let’s chat it up.

Don’t worry. My relationship is fine,

slim jackson


  1. I'm kinda new to the game, but I'm noticing that I have trouble ending the relationship when breaking up isn't a mutual decision. This is obviously a result of comfort and attempting to spare feelings or trying to let someone down easy. Seems like people don't let go until their ready regardless of the other SO. However, if one wants to call it quits then you really have to do so–no phone calls, no communication…IDK

  2. I think that people do not work at their relationships anymore. They are way too easy to just quit and walk away. A lot of people are also concerned about what people think. But I think there are no perfect situations and the relationship only has to make sense to the people who are in it. With that said, i'd say the towel is thrown in too early often times.

    But when do you throw in the towel? At the point when you don't feel like making it work anymore. And this is very distinct for people, they know in their heart once they reach that point where its like, "[hands up] I really could care less now." Because at that point you're just waiting for a reason to break up or the old okie doke, waiting for someone to break up with you.

  3. i know its time for me to "throw in the towel" when i am no longer happy in a relationship. not saying that i can't be sad but when i find out that the relationship is making me more sad than happy then that's a sign. sometimes relationships just aren't worth fighting for.

    when i want to end a relationship there is no point in beating around the bush. no pun intended. its like ripping a band aid off. just do it quick and don't worry about the pain. yeah it may hurt one or two of you but that pain will be temporary. there is no point in prolonging a relationship that has run its course.

  4. I'd say when you could "really care less" is very accurate. When your on some ol' "Oh you're still hanging around here?" Is when it's time to move forward. I've felt that way about a lady or two that I truly loved and still love to this day. It's just like that sometimes and that's when you gotta move.

  5. When a month goes by and I look back and see that for all four weeks, I had 16 days of misery. The bad consistently out-weights the good. Then I start to detach. I don't do a clean cut though, if I care. If I care, I fade. But I don't like to be faded. When I think I'm being faded, I push things to the limit and force the other person's hand.

  6. @Hostess

    I've started to think that I'm a fader as well. I think I had someone push me to the limit when they sensed they were being faded. I just made pretend they didn't exist and eventually they disappeared. Some say that it's cowardice. I disagree.

  7. I throw in the towel pretty unexpectedly. Something in me, just snaps and the love drops out. It's very easy for me to turn emotion on and off so I may let a may get away with a lot (excluding cheating) and one day wake up, and be ghost.

  8. I have a very sensitive barometer of relationship's impending dooms. I listen to my gut instinct most of the time. If it isn't going too well and I know that person's personality is getting drier than Tucson, then I call it quits. Then again I have a penchant for being cold, especially when I feel I'm being tested or given an ultimatum. IN the words of the Infamous Mobb Deep "…to real N*ggaz who ain't got no feelings…"

  9. I'm a 28yr old male that's been in a good amount of relationships with different types of women. Before I left for college in 1999 my mother said to me, "don't have a girl in college. date different women so that you know what's out there and can make a decision that will help you save time and money". I'm biased but I think that's strong advice. I didn't always follow it but when I did, I learned a great deal. And from my experience, the main factor in determining whether a relationship should continue or not is a selfish one. If your happiness is continuously compromised, you should get out of your relationship. Notice I said, CONTINUOUSLY. Currently, many of us stay in a relationship for disgustingly selfish reasons like money, fame, sex, and social standing. You can be happy without that shit but if that's what makes you happy, I won't knock you. Just make sure your happiness is priority number 1.

  10. @ H.Charles

    "If your happiness is continuously compromised, you should get out of your relationship. "

    Synagogue and MOSQUE to this post! This is when Im out of there! I've been guilty of hanging around relationships out of "love" and "complacency". When I feel I'm compromising the core of who I am, Its time to go. When you look yourself in the mirror with THAT look like "why am I still with this chick", it's time to put the relationship out of its misery.

    I also throw in the towel when I feel that I accept someone for their faults and all and the same is not reciprocated. It makes me feel the person is on some "holier than thou" tip and I'm not with that at all. Working relationships involve communication and respect and truly accepting someone for who they are. If you can't do that, tell the dude/chick to CURVE! (c) Cam'Ron

  11. The answers to this question are so varied & complicated. But I'm going to say that it's time to throw in the towel when you think you'd be happier ALONE (NOT with someone else, but alone) than with your current SO because not only are they not contributing to your happiness, but they are causing UNhappiness.

  12. I have the hardest time to call it quits. I find myself putting up with alot of things until I just get all postal and snap. I mean like angela basset setting homies clothes on fire snap. I always try to fix the situation but at one point or another you get tired of putting a band-aid on the same wound that wont stay closed. So I just become a cold-hearted biatch and walk away. Walk away with no traces of coming back.

  13. I am a person who tends to stick with things. I am loyal to a fault. As long as I see that you are working towards making the relationship better I will hang in there with you. Once I see that you are being inconsistent or just not trying at all, I'm out.

  14. i just leave, sometimes i explain, but most of the time i don't. i'm not for dragging things out.

    when i find myself getting annoyed, then i know it's time to go. i can't really explain it but you know when you first meet someone and they have traits you don't like but you accept them, and there's those times when you are gonna go apesh*t if they do "that" one more time…that's when i leave…it's better that way for both of us.

    ditsy babes are usually the victims of my batman-esque departures

  15. Slim did you write this post for me??? LoL, j/k.

    I am such an optimist it makes me sick. I dated the same guy for 4 years who consistently showed that he wasn't worth my MFing time. I was just hoping I could love him hard enough that he would change (HA! Lesson learned 2009). I finally made up my mind to break it off but he must have noticed the winds changing because he hit me with the "I'll never love you as much as you love me" and it was over.

    I'm the worst person at walking away/throwing in the towel because I hate hurting people's feelings. You have to really really piss me off for me to cut you. I suck at it. The few times I've had to break up with someone, it took me a hella long time to muster the courage and I felt horrible afterwards. I'm thoroughly a softee and I hate that I put other people's feelings ahead of my own happiness.

    That being said, are you teaching break up classes?

  16. Break up classes? Man, do you know how many hits would be put out on my life for such a thing?lol. Though I bet I could charge a substantial fee for such a service…

  17. Man, this post is the truth. It's the uncertainty that kills you. You've gotta turn against the feelings and way of thinking that got you into the relationship in the first place. That's a pretty big challenge, at least for me. Good post.

  18. Besides the "typical givens" for throwing in the towel. I think it is time to throw in the towel simply when you are compromising so many of your ideals that you become a different person. When in relationships I have to do a self assessment and see if I like the person I have evolved to or become.

  19. This is what i tell everybody just look at the relationship and decided if you never saw that person agian would your life be better, worse or the same. If you see it getting better you know what to do thats the most honest question one can ask in a relationship

  20. When my man stopped keeping himself up, and instead started looking like a HOT MESS expecting me to just love him as he is with his receding hairline, unbrushed teeth, (knowing he could have kept himself up like he made an effort to do in the beginning of our relationship), that's when I knew it was time for me to throw in the towel.

  21. When the relationship becomes "High Maintenance",
    When the other person obviosly has another agenda which doesnt include the "us" but rather focuses on "me, Me"
    In engineering parlance,
    Input>>(far exceeds) Output
    Its time to start considering
    FOr everyone's good

  22. Throwing in the towel for me……is when I start loving you

    more than myself and more than you love me. When

    you become emotionally bankrupt it's time to move on.

    When you wait to long to throw in the towel, it's a diaster

    waiting to happen.


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