Home Dating & Relationships Dating Are your bags too heavy?

Are your bags too heavy?

I think the advice is pretty standard that too many bags can cause you problems in your future.  People have all types of bags.  They have bags when it comes to communicating.  Maybe in a past relationship whenever they tried to communicate verbally to someone they were met with an aggressive confrontational response that has led them to now shy away from verbal communication.  Maybe in a past relationship they were taken advantage of sexually and that has led them to not be open sexually and reserved to their loved ones.  Maybe in the past you’ve dealt with someone who cheated and that has led them to be mad suspect of everything their future partners do that suggest they may be up to something.  (I tell you more people suffer from this than a little bit.  However, it really is a reflection of what you would have done in a similar situation.)  People have all types of bags they carry around with them.  Erykah Badu says, “You gon’ miss your bus.”  I have one question…
What the hell i’m supposed to do with Louis Vuitton bag I got though?!
They are some fly bags that we carry around.  Here’s a few bags that i’ve carried around with me that i’m not ashamed to admit:
Don’t expect nothing from no one, that way you’ll never be disappointed – MARC by Marc Jacobs Remy Croc Satchel
This is a big one for me.  I have been let down in the past and at times it caused me to be an ugly person at times.  A prime example, is when you expect someone to do something, to be a least bit considerate and then they don’t… and then you shortly thereafter realize that they never had the expectation to do it.  Now, i’m just the only one mad about the situation.  Un uh pimpin’, I have to keep it moving.  How many times have you said to yourself, I would do it for them, and I can’t understand why it wouldn’t dawn on them to do it for me?  How many times have you expected someone to just “get it” and they didn’t and it left you disappointed?  You can truly fix all that by never expecting anything.

See Also:  Age Ain't Nuthin but a Number...Or Is It?

Do not compromise on your dealbreakers – Fendi Forever Boston Satchel

People say that finding happiness is about making compromises.  I agree, but I have my dealbreakers.  This is a short list of my dealbreakers; lies, deceit, inconsiderate people, one way people, people obsessed with justifying double standards, continuous tardiness, lack of proper etiquette, disregard for social norms, etc.  I’m sorry, that’s the short list, I know.  In the past i’ve compromised on my dealbreakers to give something it’s due chance.  Hells to the naw from now on.  We all have dealbreakers, and honestly, i’d like to hear a story of when someone compromised on it and how it turned out positive.
Remember who’s #1, and who’s #2 – The Gucci Fannie Pack
The star player is the one who looks you in the mirror every morning.  If you truly appreciate the star player, your #2 won’t mind being around you.  People put other people ahead of themselves TOO MUCH.  And you know what happens?  You end up feeling used and abused.  I know it’s wrong to think for yourself before you think of others, but when it comes down to it, self-preservation is the most instinct behavior we have.  A practical example of this for our age group is about grad school, (I see this wayyy TOO MUCH), you’re in a relationship with someone and you get into a Top 5 MBA school, but decide to go to a school closer by so that you can maintain your relationship.  Oh hells naw.  I’m sorry boo boo, if I get into Wharton, I will not be going to Emory just so I can be closer to you.  I would hope that we are together in two years, but if we ain’t you ain’t messing with my life decisions.
If you want something done right, sometimes you have to do it yourself – Michael Kors Astor Tote
This might be an extension to my first one, but here’s why it’s different to me.  I extend this to everything.  I mean, maybe i’m much more of Kobe than LeBron, but I just trust myself to get the job done before i’ll trust someone else.  I know I piss a lot of people off when I say, “Don’t worry about it, i’ll take care of it” but it means so much more to me than it means to another person.  Have you ever asked someone to do something for you and when they do it, it’s just not quite the way you would have done it?  I am trying to think of a perfect example, but perhaps this one applies; I told my friend to pick up OJ from the grocery store.  He had knowledge that I only drink Tropicana or Florida Natural… imagine my surprise when he shows up with Tampico Orange “drink.”  I had that look on my face like in the first five minutes of Sweeney Todd when you are sitting there like, “Wait a minute, is this fool singing?!  This fool is singing.”
Honorable Mention: Don’t Trust Anybody (DTA) – Louis Vuitton Monogram Montsouris Backpack
I really don’t want to get into this one, because a lot of people do not know how deep my trust issues run.  I don’t really trust a lot of people.  I “trust” them, but I don’t trust them.  My grandmother always said, “Trust people to be who they are.”  Word to life.  I don’t trust anyone as far as I can see them.  I always expect people to do what’s best for them in any situation.  In relationships, I try avoid conversations about trust because I feel that often times people just will betray you.  If I don’t set the expectation of trust, I won’t be disappointed.
These are my awesome designer bags.  What are some of yours?  What do you feel about bags in general?
– Dr. J


  1. So I think i'm carrying all those bags except the MARC by Marc Jacobs Remy Croc Satchel. Maybe i'm still a wishful thinker and I want to believe that people will attempt to live up to my expectations if I make them known. I think this goes hand in hand with the Fendi Forever Boston Satchel I have deal breakers, they are known and hopefully you won't break the deal. Also, I take offense to the Emory crack..Goizuetta ain't wharton but it ain't nothing to sneeze at buddy..better then GW business school..don't be talking about my alma mater..nukka 😛

  2. I own and try not to carry all the bags named (at least not at the same time), but there's one I own that seems to go great with every outfit, unfortunately it's heavy as hell. It's my authenticity detector–Hermes "Birkin" Bag (handcrafted). It helps me detect fake mofos. I've come to find that people do a lot of faking and pretending for whatever reason. You can be around a mofo for years and never really know who he or she is. First on my list these days is honesty and forthrightness, which can clue one in on another's authenticity and motives. I wish the "Birkin" bag was a little more efficient.

    In general, I think bags are useful in that they help us to "protect" ourselves and our egos and also helps us to discriminate. One carries a bag for a reason and its usually because of past experiences. On the other hand the bag can get in the way initially, but if the other person truly understands he or she will at least attempt to work with it. If appropriate the bags should be discussed! (forthrightness) I trust that I'll know when to let my guard down. Be aware, cautious, but not afraid.

  3. I definitely carry the Honorable Mention: Don’t Trust Anybody (DTA) – Louis Vuitton Monogram Montsouris Backpack. I trust a person to do what they do, not what they say they are going to do. I don't hold my breath on anything a person tells me. I am learning more and more each day about self-preservation as I have given myself wholeheartedly to family, friends and relationship only to end up with the doo-doo end of the stick when it was my turn to lean on them. I do things from the heart and not to be recognized or rewarded. However, I would be inhumane to not want the same compassion in my time of need. I come to realize that people don't think like me (a long time ago actually…this has been a works in progress) but I know my trust issues started around age 8 when my parents got divorced. My Dad broke so many promises that I truly don't trust a person (not just men) any farther than I see them. I truly trust them to do what they do, that way I don't set myself up for disapointment. I know that is something that I am going to have to work on if I want to have a successful relationship. I figure I can't truly happy relationship if I'm constantly going in behind my husband-to-be checking to make sure he did something he said he was going to do (i.e. pay a bill, make a reservation). That is somewhat emasculating I think…or is it?
    I have to say that this bag has affected me adversely in that I really don't make plans with people. If I am going somewhere or doing something and its a group outing, I let them know that I will be going with or without them so I don't feel bad if they don't show up. I guess its a defense mechanism that I have developed over the years to keep myself from getting hurt.
    I know that with the Lord's help, faith and maturity this wall will come down and I will be able to trust the right person. I will learn like RastaGirl to be aware and not try to prevent the inevitable since no one can predict the future.

  4. hmm…about your last bag, i think it is important to trust if you want your relationship to work. naieve as this may sound, my mom always said, if you want someone to be good at sth, give them responsibility, or a chance to try to be good at the thing. so if you dont expect much (trust), shorty wont even try to be trustworthy. drop this last one…wont work to your advantage.

  5. You been shopping at my sto's? I consider the LV Monogram Montsouris Backpack from time to time, but I don't think I'll ever cop it. I much prefer the TWEEWO – Trust With Eyes & Ears Wide Open [insert funky brand & type here]. I keep it on a different shelf from the MARC by Marc Jacobs Remy Croc Satchel.

    Enough fancy talk. Plainly put: I've learned not to expect too much of people. Even with simple things I took for granted as common etiquette, my eyes have been opened to the sad reality that they don't see things the same way as a lot of people around me. When it comes to relationships, though, I'm trusting by default (read: I expect him to be trustworthy). That said, I won't sit down trying to make excuses for someone if I start getting a string of things that make me go "hmm".

    Going back to the MARC again for a second: it's clashing with your Fendi. Those deal breakers mirror mine, but having them automatically means that you have certain expectations of people.


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