I don’t trust very many people. Plain and simple, I expect the worst from folks initially and then let them accumulate points that will allow them to see or hear about different aspects of me. Knowledge is power and I don’t like people knowing too much. I used to be different. I would talk to an open ear without thinking much of the consequences. I may have publicly broadcast a sentiment that was better left unshared. As I quickly learned, people will take whatever information they can get and manipulate it to their advantage…and I haven’t even gotten to the relationship part yet. Which reminds, let me tell you about the relationship part.
Over the years, I’ve developed a rather skewed view of relationships. I don’t think they are all doomed to failure, but I know that whatever one I’m in has a pretty good chance of ending. I also know that if the break up happens on bad terms, anything that I told boobookins or happened between us will become public record. Therefore, it takes me a while to truly get to a point where I can share what’s really on my mind and not just the fluffy stuff like “I love you.” Those are easy words to say, but it’s tough to explain to someone the why unless you trust them to have that info. Like I said, knowledge is power. Women are cunning. Cunnilingus Cunningness (Not a word) and power make for a traumatized Slim. Slim doesn’t like trauma. Slim doesn’t easily trust.
Now see, that’s the communication aspect of the relationship. Then there’s that whole area where you trust that the person you’re dating won’t do any greeze or be tempted to do any greeze. To me, thinking about sliding or partaking in greeze is just as bad as committing the act. Along the same lines as many other men, I’m one of those dudes that goes apesh*t (no Alpha) when he finds out his territory has been breached or was almost breached. At least if I expect the worst I can be pleasant surprised on the daily. So now it becomes an issue of me trusting McCuddles to do the right thing. Oddly enough, these are probably the easiest points for a woman to earn and the easiest to lose. I don’t need to see a call log or ask who it is every time the phone rings. To me, its clear when a person has nothing to hide. Certain actions are naturally taken without me having to question or without a situation looking suspect. Subliminal points galore.
But let me see calls suddenly stop getting answered or “Hey, let me hit you back in a bit. I’m chillin’ right now” or the sudden need to keep the phone out of view. Major points loss and probably with good reason. Even if I know it’s intentionally being done to rouse my suspicious or jealousy, it’s still major points loss. Some would say that this ultimately boils down to insecurity. Maybe it does. I’m can live with that. It makes me no less of a man to accept that I have trust issues and will take preventive measures to keep situations out of my life that will force me to confront those “insecurities”. At least I know they’re there because once again, knowledge is power. Trust me.
So what do people think of trust and insecurity? Does insecurity always create a lack of trust or does lack of trust always create insecurity? Is it even possible for someone to put 100% trust in someone or be 100% secure? And lastly, do people start with your trust or do they have to earn it?
The Most Trusted Chief of Security,