Trust

23

I don’t trust very many people. Plain and simple, I expect the worst from folks initially and then let them accumulate points that will allow them to see or hear about different aspects of me. Knowledge is power and I don’t like people knowing too much. I used to be different. I would talk to an open ear without thinking much of the consequences. I may have publicly broadcast a sentiment that was better left unshared. As I quickly learned, people will take whatever information they can get and manipulate it to their advantage…and I haven’t even gotten to the relationship part yet. Which reminds, let me tell you about the relationship part.

Over the years, I’ve developed a rather skewed view of relationships. I don’t think they are all doomed to failure, but I know that whatever one I’m in has a pretty good chance of ending. I also know that if the break up happens on bad terms, anything that I told boobookins or happened between us will become public record. Therefore, it takes me a while to truly get to a point where I can share what’s really on my mind and not just the fluffy stuff like “I love you.” Those are easy words to say, but it’s tough to explain to someone the why unless you trust them to have that info. Like I said, knowledge is power. Women are cunning. Cunnilingus Cunningness (Not a word) and power make for a traumatized Slim. Slim doesn’t like trauma. Slim doesn’t easily trust.

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Now see, that’s the communication aspect of the relationship. Then there’s that whole area where you trust that the person you’re dating won’t do any greeze or be tempted to do any greeze. To me, thinking about sliding or partaking in greeze is just as bad as committing the act. Along the same lines as many other men, I’m one of those dudes that goes apesh*t (no Alpha) when he finds out his territory has been breached or was almost breached. At least if I expect the worst I can be pleasant surprised on the daily. So now it becomes an issue of me trusting McCuddles to do the right thing. Oddly enough, these are probably the easiest points for a woman to earn and the easiest to lose. I don’t need to see a call log or ask who it is every time the phone rings. To me, its clear when a person has nothing to hide. Certain actions are naturally taken without me having to question or without a situation looking suspect. Subliminal points galore.

But let me see calls suddenly stop getting answered or “Hey, let me hit you back in a bit. I’m chillin’ right now” or the sudden need to keep the phone out of view. Major points loss and probably with good reason. Even if I know it’s intentionally being done to rouse my suspicious or jealousy, it’s still major points loss. Some would say that this ultimately boils down to insecurity. Maybe it does. I’m can live with that. It makes me no less of a man to accept that I have trust issues and will take preventive measures to keep situations out of my life that will force me to confront those “insecurities”. At least I know they’re there because once again, knowledge is power. Trust me.

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So what do people think of trust and insecurity? Does insecurity always create a lack of trust or does lack of trust always create insecurity? Is it even possible for someone to put 100% trust in someone or be 100% secure? And lastly, do people start with your trust or do they have to earn it?

The Most Trusted Chief of Security,

slim jackson

Comment(23)

  1. really its a mixture of both concepts: if you are securely attached, you will trust easier. if you all effed up from experiences (see Obsessed) you won't trust as easy, if at all. it takes 2 to tango tho. so if u feelin some type of way, but not talkin to your sig. other, well you fanning flames. dont be mad when that shit turns to an inferno. love and trust go hand in hand. for me I cannot have the one without the other.

  2. "DTA you stupid piece of trash! Dont..Trust…Anybody!" – Stone Cold Steve Austin

    I ride with you on this SJ[||]. I won't say I have trust issues….but I have trust issues. I'm just privy to many different worlds and how people operate to know what goes down in the shadows and what true evil lurks in the heart of man (No Tom Clancy). From the dudes who bold face cheat on their wifies and lead triple lives, to the chicks who do the same, to the people who confide in you and you know their dirtiest secrets, to the sub culture of dudes you think are ladies men who are on the down low, Ive seen and heard too much to blindly trust.

    You gotta earn it. Then I have to calculate whether the things i tell you Im comfortable if it ever went public. I know my last ex went on straight expose mode with stuff I told her, and I'm good with it, because I can face those consequeces with a smile.

    As long as you can be 100% secure in how you trust, it's all good. And yes, insecurity plays a role, along with caution, fear, and doubt. All of those help develop your resistance to trust, and thats not necessarily bad my G!

  3. Insecure is a code word that typically means that your significant other (not yours per se) won't blindly trust the BS you do cus they aren't stupid. You don't have trust issues nor are you insecure. You're trusting your instincts. Nothing you've said is unreasonable. You know when someone's hiding something.

    It's usually people who do the hiding that will label the finder as insecure. Frankly, those who are walking around saying their mate is super secure just haven't realized their made is super detached and doesn't care what they are doing. The significant other should know what's going on and should notice and CARE when patterns change.

  4. I don't trust anybody. And i'm 100% secure.

    Do I have trust issues? Hells yes. "I just don't trust anything that bleeds 5 days a month and doesn't die."

    Trust is like a thin layer of ice, it can form over night, but can be broken in a split second, but once broken, it's going to take LONG TIME to freeze over again. And i'm impatient. I save myself the trouble and just keep Stone Cold. DTA.

  5. I don't trust none of you muthafunkers….

    I remember getting into it with a certain woman that I mistakenly allowed to get close (not too close). We were okay for a while but then she kept doing and saying little slick shit or bringing up proposals/ultimatums that were unfair and unwarranted. I'm glad it didn't work out, but unfortunately I don't allow any broad to get close to greasy anymore. Once I hear the slick shyt poppin off, I'm cutting them off. I don't do the explanation and the soft-spoken talk anymore. Trust your instincts, not humans!

  6. To me, trust is a tricky subject. People are not one dimensional creatures. We can be both awesome – and awful. So when we think about trust, can we ever really trust people to be anything but flawed? That's what I trust. People are reliably unreliable because it's our nature.

    But I also have to have trust in myself. I trust myself to make good decisions, although I know sometimes my "good decision" will have a decidedly bad consequent. As I've gotten older my tolerance for regular old b.s. has gotten short. At this point, if you fool me I know you were too good at deception for me to ever catch you. And mastering deception is always much harder on the deciever than on those who have been deceived.

    Will I let that stop me from making the decision to trust? Naw. That's only punishing me. Rose with the thorns and all that.

    All I can do is:

    Trust God – He's the only One who remains the same, and will strengthen me when others disappoint.

    Be the best me – if I am dishonest and untrustworthy I will always draw the same to myself.

    Be involved – if I love and care about you, trust that you're on my radar. That doesn't just mean that I'm watching you like a hawk to see if you're cheating (still tangling with my own trust issues on that one). Your health and happiness are important to me, so if you come in from work limping I'll be right there with some icy hot and a bandaid. My love is like the sun: it will warm you on the coldest day, but it can also make you sweat.

  7. I like the depth of the comments so far. There's a lot of other folks that read this blog. What does everyone else think on the issues of trust/insecurity/security/etc.?

    @Miss SIA: Can you elaborate a bit? It looks like you're touching on a few dif areas.

  8. I will be first to admit I have significant trust issues. Whether it be friends, buns, or people at work … I got more walls up than fort knox and am harder to crack than virgin p*ssy.

  9. I think men and women may handle their trust issues differently. It seems like men may go with the first instinct, which is to simply not trust anybody anymore. I think there's more to it.
    Maybe both men and women should question what it is they trusted to begin with and at what level. Were you trusting a human being to do some inhuman shit? Like never, ever lie, deceive, withhold information, be unfaithful? If that's the case then you'll forever be disappointed in you relationships.
    With regard to trust and insecurity, it seems that they feed each other, however I thin insecurity is born out of a lack of trust. I also think that insecurity is directly related to the need for control. YOU CANT CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON SO STOP TRYING. If there's been a loss of trust and it has made you insecure because your trust has been taken advantage of and you dont know what the fuck is going on, i.e. is he/she still fucking him/her?; or is he/she lying?–maybe you need to re-evaluate what trust in relation to another human being means to you. Re-evaluate that specific person also–is what they're doing pattern? Were there signs at the beginning? Most importantly, re-evaluate your damn self and be honest–do you fuck up? Are you being self-righteous? Do I routinely fuck with shady muthafuckas? If so, maybe your discrimination skills need a tune-up.

    "Is it even possible for someone to put 100% trust in someone or be 100% secure? And lastly, do people start with your trust or do they have to earn it?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TRUST AND CAN IT BE APPLIED TO A HUMAN BEING?

  10. A man who tells all is naked. A naked man is weak.

    WARNING: Nerd Alert! Has anyone read Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" or Duke's research on the average number of close friends people have? They both basically talk about how over the past 50 years Americans have lost trust in other government and therefore each other, having on average 1.6 close friends, down from +3.0 in 1960. It has created a culture of distrust and no one believes in full disclosure anymore. (Meanwhile the suicide rates for 15-25yr olds have increased ~120%)

    I don't believe in the general good of mankind. People, for the most part, suck like rotten ass and burning flesh wounds. Surprisingly I am quite optimistic about most things, and when I trust, I trust hard: willing to leave my life in the hands of a friend. However, I do not toss the word "friend" about foolishly. I think of "friendship" as a covenant word like the friendship between David and Johnathan (Saul's son).

    Because of all these factors, I make an extra effort to test people's trustworthiness. Full disclosure is [apparently] therapeutic.

  11. Why is it that men seem to have more trust issues (as of observed in general and also here in the comments section) when historically women are more prone to being hurt by men? Or did I answer my own question?

  12. @Hannahjoj:

    The difference between how men deal with trust as opposed to women is women get to and will talk about it more. This is another one of those things that men are supposed to "suck up."

    I constantly remind women that men's communications and coping mechanisms are very underdeveloped. Our societies emphasis on strength and machismo have masked any sincere attempts for males to express hurt, pain, depression, etc. So…when we are hurt, we often turn inside of ourselves to cope with it or…we take it out on those around us through outbursts or demonstrations of frustration, anger, fighting, etc. When our trust is broken, many of us were never told how to deal with that.

    @ Raqi
    It's called misanthropy (or utter disdain, disgust and distrust of humanity) in which I have occasional bouts of.

  13. @ CPT Callamity

    lol, I'm aware. "People, for the most part, suck like rotten ass and burning flesh wounds." = [mostly]sarcasm. Misanthropy is also an untested distrust in other people's reasoning and/or unspoken outlooks on reality: questioning moral reasoning before observation, of which we all have occasional bouts. 😉

  14. @CPT Callamity, if I was unclear, I think most people don't trust each others morals, rather than one having no respect for another's existence.

  15. I've read this blog for a long time but never commented til now. I think there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and that doesnt make you insecure. Lots of people have trust issues, I dare to say most people do. It seems when it comes to men and there trust issues they are quicker to say something or do something about some distrust issue when it comes up. Women on the other hand make mental notes of the situation but usually dont do anything about it right away.

  16. @MissMolly

    Thanks for coming out the wood works. I don't know if men are quicker to say something, but we will definitely be quicker to shut down and withdraw. We may not make it verbally known, but it may show in our actions. I also think women may not say sumthin sometimes in an effort to avoid looking insecure.

  17. @Slim Jackson

    Secure attachment starts with Mommy. While as a baby you adore her, but during toddlerhood, if she does anything to upset that trust. Its done.

    In a relationship, its usually the same: meet, they have implicit trust until they eff it up. Then the jig is up. But communication is key, while you cant tell your mother she's being a jerk, you can tell your sig. other. If they're down for you, they may reform. If not, move on.

  18. Hi all I'm new and it's my first post… please be nice… lol

    It might be the way I was brought up, but I was taught that you trust only a few and they'll mess up to eventually. No one is perfect, but you have to know when enough is enough and you should dismiss them. Unless you can tell a person every which way they shouldn't defy or deceive you more than likely they will.

    Example 1: You might think that if she meets a new guy and befriends him that's cheating, but she doesn't. She was just brought up in a household where her dad allowed her mom to have male friends or vice versa.

    Example 2: You might be out with your guys and you tell her you're going one place but you end up at another and it gets back to her. Just because you forgot to tell her about the last minute change of plans you've lost her trust.

    The list goes on and on. It's all about compromising when you call yourself being in a relationship with someone and "trusting" them.

    I know that trust means something different to everyone, so I ask before I commit. Thank you.

  19. Dope site. I just across it today. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let me share my experience:

    Normally, I consider myself as a very secure individual. I don't feel threatened by other men, period. I don't ask any girl I'm dating where she's going, who she's going to be with, who's calling her phone or none of that (unless it happens to come up in a conversation).

    And I know other women find me desirable. So in the immortal words of Gucci Mane, if it doesn't work with you another one will be along in fifteen minutes. Believe that. On to the story:

    I was doing what you could call "dating" this woman for the better part of a year. During the course of our friendship (with full benefits), she made it clear repeatedly that she didn't want an official commitment because she's "not ready." She never really explained what that meant, and I didn't press it.

    However, she also assured me that there was no one else. She told me that I was the only one she wanted to be with, albeit in a semi-official capacity. Alright….

    After awhile it got to a point where I felt like I was being strung along (and admittedly, I caught feelings). I mean, if she truly wasn't feeling anyone else, then why is she unwilling to commit to me? It wasn't so much me wanting to be official right at the time, it was me wanting to know where we truly stood, and if we really could move forward together.

    I just couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was getting played here. Initially, whenever I thought about it, I'd whisper to myself "Nah, you wilin'. She's a GOOD girl. Chill out" But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Trying to talk to her about it was like talking to a spoiled four year-old. She didn't want to hear any of my concerns. Period. According to her, me asking her any kinds of questions meant that I don't trust her.

    And if I don't trust her, then we can't be together. This was not up for negotiation.

    To make an already long story short, fast forward a few more months and I caught wind that she was seeing someone else. And had been the entire time. I did a little research on my own, and lo and behold it was very true. Needless to say the relationship has ended but that just goes to show you.

    The issue of "security" is often held as an ace up the sleeve of the deceitful. If your mate can't approach the topic of other people with some maturity, chances are they have something to hide.

    …..Trust is definitely earned, not just given.

  20. What is it with you guys and your trust issues? Cheese! lol.

    "I used to be different. I would talk to an open ear without thinking much of the consequences."

    Echoed. I'm surprised and lucky that a lot of it didn't come back to bite me in the bum.

    So what do people think of trust and insecurity? Does insecurity always create a lack of trust or does lack of trust always create insecurity? Is it even possible for someone to put 100% trust in someone or be 100% secure? And lastly, do people start with your trust or do they have to earn it?

    Insecurity won't automatically create a lack of trust, but it all depends on how you view it. Boy can be insecure about the strength of his relationship with Girl, but not necessarily be scared that she'll wrong him. He may just feel as though she's "so hiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaay, high above him, she's so lovely" and will eventually lose interest in lil ole unglamorous him. Likewise, lack of trust doesn't automatically imply insecurity. Not trusting someone can be more of a reflection of how one views others than of the confidence that one has in oneself.

    It's absolutely possible to have faith in another human being 100%, and feel just as secure. The mind is a powerful thing. That's how you have people who seem to be faced with blatant signs of deceit & wrongdoing, but who remain adamant that their partners are innocent. It's not always a matter of being in denial — some people truly do believe that he/she would never disrespect them or the relationship.

    I grow more pessimistic about relationships in general as the years go by, but I'm still a relatively trusting person. My next relationship will be interesting in the sense that I will be making some observations in an almost detached kinda way. That said, once we establish a certain level of comfort and I get a feel for who I think he is, my trust will be for him to lose. My life is stress-free when I don't have to look at everything with a side-eye. I'm a generally rational being, so I would be able to pick up on some questionable things..but I won't necessarily make it a point to keep an eye out. Relationships are always a gamble, but I'd rather remain optimistically realistic. He could mess with my heart, but then again, he might not. I'd rather focus on the latter unless he gives me reason to do otherwise.

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