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SBM: “Real glad you could meet me for drinks. After talking to you on the phone, I wanted to see you in person again.”
Young Breezy: “I was looking forward to it too. This is a nice spot.”
SBM: *grins* “Yeah … It’s a nice chill spot.” *Thinking how she is the 6th girl he has first dated here*
YB: “So what’s good here?”
SBM: “They have a real nice drink called an Obamatini. They used that special edition Hennessy. It’s really good.”
YB: “Ugh … I’d never drink that.”
SBM: *chuckles* “It’s corny … but gotta celebrate for at least the first year, right?”
YB: “Puh … celebrate what. Throwing away the nation.”
SBM: *nearly chokes on water* “Excuse me?”
YB: “McCain & Palin in 2012 … we can do it the second time around!”
SBM: *smiles politely* “Yeah, who knows. Excuse me for a second” *promptly heads to bathroom, and jumps out of window making clean escape”

I’ve talked  a lot about proper mate selection.  The are those who only think they know what they want, to fool no one but themselves and then there is the general evil of running your love life according to lists.  But … as much as I hate excessive lists of dealbreakers, as much as I hate people who spend all day disqualifying potential loves for things like coffee breath and bad feet … there are some things that are simple … unforgivable.

See Also:  Girl ... I want you sooo bad right now ... and you don't even know it

I don’t me something she did to you, or when he slept with your sister, I mean decisions a person made in their past (read: before you) that just stand in such objection to your beliefs … that pursuing anything more than hot, back breaking, but meaningless s*x being acquaintances would be futile.

So, while almost everything is negotiable, and I’m willing to re-write the rules for the right one … there are some things that … welll … I just can’t do.  And without further ado …

SBM’s List of Unforgivable Past Events

You voted for John McCain … and your black

I am tolerable of other political views besides my own.  My own father is a diehard Republican (always makes Thanksgiving really fun … although he is a Barack fan) and I am a strong preacher of tolerance.  But … I just can’t raise my kids in a house with someone who would choose John McCain and Palin over Barack.  I’m not even a politics person, and maybe if the republican party wasn’t high on coke when they let Palin become his running mate … but to pick McCain over the first Black President … b*, get out my car!

You dated *him*

You ever had an acquaintance that you just couldn’t stand, a boss you hated dearly, or a coworker who smelled like uncleaned chitterlings all day.  I mean someone you … despise.  Suppose the girl you were looking to spend your life with had gotten rocked by him.  Imagine him/her grunting their hot mustard breath all over your sweet angel.  But the real problem … what does it say about your future baby’s mama wifey? What kinda person is she if Jerome from Martin got them guts?

See Also:  Flavor of Love 3: Will it ever work?

You took another life … and have no remorse

“But SBM … he paid his debt to society!”  Yeah … well f* that.  I actually thought about what it would be like to take another human life.  To take someone from this earth with no chance of coming back for them.  And … honestly … your boy’s a p***y.  Unless someone has raped a woman I love (yeah … guys are excluded), I couldn’t do it … without feeling bad (I mean … I aint soft … I’m gonna protect myself if needed).  So, if she’s sent a few people to meet their maker and talk’s about it like Snoop off “The Wire”, then it’s time to keep it moving.

She had s*x with an animal

I mean … I’m a freak and all … but damn … gotta draw the line somewhere.

I know I’m not the only one with their own list of unforgivable acts.  And I don’t want to hear tame stuff like “he stole some candy” or “she can’t own more than two Gucci handbags”.  Dig deep people! What truly troubles your soul, what stands in direct opposition of what you believe in, what truly bothers you to your essence?

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  1. You're extreme ain't ya? It's very unlikely that the average chick you meet will have done all that well except for 1 and 2. I like the way you write and the issues you talk about.

  2. I could never date a man that dated a stripper, did more than one night in the pokey, or experimented with boy on boy sex.

    I did, however, go out with a man a couple of times that was a McCain supporter. I felt like I was dining with the devil.

  3. (Note: I’m not really into politics)

    If a guy I was on a date with voted for McCain and Palin, it would definitely be a done deal b/c they didn’t campaign on any real issues and resorted to playing on people’s prejudices and xenophobic fears. Any black man who can vote along those lines, although we might remain cool, I could not date b/c it is indicative of how he views himself as a black man and other people of color. Fortunately for me, I have not dated anyone like this. 🙂

  4. DAMN FOOL!!

    I don't know why or how I ever thought you had any sense, lol.

    Lol @ the ladies outlawing Anal sex, like that's not a given.

  5. I have bold friends who tend to say whatever to whomever. When people started getting outed about being on the "DL" my girlfriend was bold enough to start asking dudes outright if they were gay.

    I decided that I'd get bold too.

    Asked a guy I was casually dating if he was gay. He said no. I then asked him if he had any gay thoughts, he once again said no. I then said, its ok if you have, I promise I won't judge you. He said, I've always wondered what it would be like to get head from a gay dude.

    That was the end of that relationship.

    So yea, any suspect behavior (I would side eye my ex because his fingers curl backwards when he points at stuff) immediately puts me on high alert. Any outward confessions and you gots to go.

  6. If a man has kids that are still in school he should know his child's teacher's name and his child's best friend's name. If he doesn't know those things, I wonder if he does more than spend the required amount of time with the child and/or send checks. He doesn't really KNOW his child. If he doesn't bother to get to know his current offspring, he won't bother getting to know any we have.

  7. I can't date a stripper. I don't think I could deal with knowing everyone has seen my girl's t!tt!es.

    I can't date a woman who has dated a family member or close friend.

    I don't think I could date a woman who had and STD. I know gonnorhea and crabs are treatable, but the thought that she had a lumpy c00ch would give me trepidation.

  8. I forgot to put in someone who is just horrible to their kids. Like a mom who just ran away from her kids and doesn't know anything about them. or someone who like put their kid in the hospital because they beat em or something.

  9. I actually had the "I might vote for McCain" threat in my own relationship. But it was all cool after I threatened divorce.

    Other behaviors I won't tolerate.

    1. A man exhibiting cultish behavior. I need a free thinker.
    2. A father that's not fighting the good fight to provide for his own.
    3. A man exhibiting snobbish behavior. Especially around my family.

  10. Love the topic…. Here's my contribution….

    1. A man who doesn't have/had a great relationship with his mom/grandmother/aunt (some woman with sense and wisdom) in his life.
    2. A man who doesn't know how to say he's wrong.
    3. A man who doesn't know what he wants. (aggravating)
    4. A man who has stinky breath all the time… lol

  11. Neila you made be think of another one with the "cultish behavior", conspiracy theorists.

    Maybe it's my educational background or that I have worked for the US gov't, but this is a real big problem for me. Telling me that it's all a conspiracy that Barack Obama was elected president, and that Black people really don't come from Africa, but some where else and it's all just a set up. (Yes, someone said this to me recently). I can't do it, too many opinions lacking logic and evidentiary support.

  12. Do the guys notice that it seems like the women have more to say on this topic than men? I think that the dealbreakers offered here were pretty self-evident in my book. Except #1, I actually know why someone would vote for McCain and I wouldn't be upset. But I digress.

    Just wanted to point out the disparity in comments. Men, in general, are just not as picky as women.

  13. @ Dr J

    Basically what u sd.

    I always wondered if I could wife a Republican. Shed have to be more center right. I cant mess with far right or far left though, IDK

    Also, if you do heavy drugs, I cant be with you. Period.

  14. I'm a black guy who voted for McCain. My rationale? I thought Obama was too green and too clueless and would be a really bad president, and I'd rather no black president for now and elect one when a more qualified one comes along later than electing a really, really bad president as the first black president right now just to have a black guy in office. My wife gave me grief about it, but fuck it, she's already married to me so she had to deal with it. 🙂

  15. Playing devil's advocate here or something, but I get highly annoyed w/ black people who think that the democratic party is the savior of the black race and that all republicans are the devil. Get it right, all politicians will lie and deceive you for your vote, and they all consider taxpayers their hos. I know, I work for one of the pimps. If you are a dem or a liberal maybe you should consider dating/marrying a Republican so that your kids will have a better rounded view of the world and won't start s*cking off the first democratic d*ck they see. Wooooosah….

    For all you hos at work chipping into the govt coffers, my bank acct thanks you.

    Not a Dem or a Repub…just a capitalist. That is all.

  16. @LexSteele – In general, it’s best to look at the important issues and decide that way and not stick to rigidly to party lines (eg – Voting against gay marriage is not going to make it easier to pay my bills or help me pay back my loans). However, a politician usually has a high civility quotient, ability to gather people together for a cause or many causes. They can pick sides (Rep, Dem, or Ind), but can’t go too much either way b/c that’s the nature of the game. But, I don't find this deceptive, just doing what they have to do b/c they have to function that way.

    Just to stay with the topic.- It’s not a deal breaker if someone does not understand this b/c I’m not hugely into politics, but it is indicative of a certain closed mindedness that could be problematic.

  17. @Dr. J It's not really clear how you came to that generalization about men being less picky. First of all, a man wrote the post. Secondly, of the 13 (or so) responses from women many of them overlap and one doesn't even address the question. The fact that men didn't respond isn't necessarily indicative of their level of pickiness. SBM pretty much said it and he was referring to extreme cases. He happened to leave to one out, one that wouldn't be an option for him–boy on boy action.

    I, being someone who is into politics can understand why one would pick McCain or not pick Obama. Neither of the candidates truly spoke to my interests. Republicans ignore black folks (since Reagan) and Democrats ignore poor people. Obama's administration is for the middle class, not black people, not poor people. Actually, Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party spoke to my interests, but politics in the U.S. are about the power of the group–Green Party obviously doesn't have much power.

    Unforgivable Act: Continuing to sell drugs when u don't have to and after acknowledging that it's stupid.

  18. no one who did not watch The Cosby Show, A Different World, House Party and School Daze. bc if I make a reference and you don't laugh, you're dead.

    I'll have to cosign the lack of respect for female family members. If you don't respect your Mama, how you gon' respect me? Fraud!

  19. Dr. J : No. I didn't notice.

    Remi : Yeah. Those folks always grab me as either paranoid or gullible.

    Streetz : I agree re heavy drugs.

  20. I can't date a man who doesn't watch sports (hockey and NASCAR don't count). And I also agree with the not treating female fam right and not knowing the kids. Past actions often are indicative of future actions (see FICO score).


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