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The last few weeks I’ve been in the club, hitting up various events/parties. I honestly don’t know what day this is, as I now live in hours. It’s been that kind of month week. If you goto a party and just observe, you tend to catch some of the most hilarious actions. I find the actions and movements of these thirsty cats in the club, trying to bag woman, as uber funny! Of course, the title of this blog and subsequent video addresses one of these actions: “Wifing in the club”. Ron Browz drops simplistic but catchy lyrics knowledge on this issue, and I wanted to expound. You dudes need some guidelines to follow when engaging women in the club, otherwise you need to accept your faults, and gimme $20! NOTE: This differs from being a designated boyfriend, it’s much worse! Here are a few instances of the type of dudes that are suckas for love in the club:
The Game 7 Brother: This dude is the all-or-nothing dude. He will handcuff chicks at the bar, say any and every line he’s ever said to every women he’s ever met, and play Bruce Bowen-esque defense on her, with the full court PRESS attack in hopes of a turnover. I call him the game 7 dude because he hollers at women as if it’s an elimination game and it’s “Win or go home”. Since he doesn’t want to end up on TNT “Gone fishin” screen, he’s relentless in his attempt to bag a shorty. He’ll be all over the woman, and she either doesn’t want to be rude and totally diss dude, or she’s looking for one of her homegirls to pull the save move. He has no care of looking thirstier than a tourist trapped in the desert without water for 40 days. He will win at all costs, but is rarely successful. That’ll be $20 sir.
Mr. Throw-it-in-the-bag: This is the dude who buys his love interest and her fellow pigeons crew drinks, food, and anything else to show he’s straight ballin‘. Pardon me if I forget, but I read a similar post either here or three ways on dudes trickin, whether they got it or not. I roll with women who tell me they refuse to pay for drink on a particular night, and I’ll watch them style on these suckas. There’s nothing wrong with buying a drink, but when you’re buying out the bar for the pum pum, you need to first deposit $20 USD in the Man Law Violations Account. SMH.
The Dance FAIL Dude: For anyone whose been to a college party, you’ll appreciate this. You know when a group of girls are dancing in that infamous circle, and you watch that one dude as he daces by himself. He slowly inches close and closer to his intended target, building more confidence with each step. Finally he goes in for the kill, only to have shorty pull away, or have her friends pull her away! I’m not talking as if this didn’t happen to me, but it’s different when dude WATCHES SHORTY THE ENTIRE NIGHT in order to fail at a dance. A dance my nizzle? Play the law of averages, have some testicular fortitude, and pull shorty to you to dance. If she stunts on you, curse her out, call her a bum b*tch, and holla at her friend just walk away as cool as possible and set your sights on a badder chick.Don’t forget that $20 for the collection plate for your heart transplant.
Police Brutality Boy: “I don’t handcuff, I don’t arrest” (c) Lil Wayne – This is the dude who straight locks up chicks, handcuffs by the bar, will grab a shorties hand, and will not accept get off me you ass I don’t like you I’m calling security no for an answer. If this dude is your homie, he’ll also claim shorty in the club if you want to holla. He could have no shot in hell at winning with this fine lady, and should defer for the sake of the team’s success, but he’s hell bent on making it happen. Meanwhile, dudes who already holleredand did there thing with the woman you got locked up (no Akon) look at you like “I feel sorry for your mother” (c) Menace 2 Society. He will take the chick to IHOP and Dennys when she already told him she was trying to “goto sleep”(No CM Punk). He has the potential to become a game 7 brother. Place the $20 on the table and walk.away.slowly!
The PDA Patna: This dude has no fear, and he’s bold as hell. Whether he blames it on either the goose or the henny, he gains liquid courage to spit the best game he’s ever spit to women in the club. She somehow feels what he’s saying, and although they may have just met, never looked at each other in that way, or if she was plotting on dude, he finds himself tonguing chicks down in the MIDDLE of the dance floor! No matter where it occurs, that’s a prime example of club wifing. My dude, I respect the audacity and pimp game, but rules are rules. You and shorty owe the bank $20. Consider it the daily double!
The Dos Equis Gentleman:
The dude who gets wifed by chicks who have interest in him, and rocks with it accordingly. he seals the deal at the expense of letting himself get cuffed by his own “Mrs. Officers”. He can and will do this with multiple women, if it’s a good night. I got you on that $20 my dude, as long as I can get that CP3 no look alley oop!
Fellas, have you witnessed or committed these crimes? Ladies did I miss anything?
Streetz: The Living Legend