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No Wifing in the Club, Gimme 20 Dollars

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Ron Brownz – No Wifing in the Club … Gimme $20

The last few weeks I’ve been in the club, hitting up various events/parties. I honestly don’t know what day this is, as I now live in hours. It’s been that kind of month week. If you goto a party and just observe, you tend to catch some of the most hilarious actions. I find the actions and movements of these thirsty cats in the club, trying to bag woman, as uber funny! Of course, the title of this blog and subsequent video addresses one of these actions: “Wifing in the club”. Ron Browz drops simplistic but catchy lyrics knowledge on this issue, and I wanted to expound. You dudes need some guidelines to follow when engaging women in the club, otherwise you need to accept your faults, and gimme $20! NOTE: This differs from being a designated boyfriend, it’s much worse! Here are a few instances of the type of dudes that are suckas for love in the club:

The Game 7 Brother: This dude is the all-or-nothing dude. He will handcuff chicks at the bar, say any and every line he’s ever said to every women he’s ever met, and play Bruce Bowen-esque defense on her, with the full court PRESS attack in hopes of a turnover. I call him the game 7 dude because he hollers at women as if it’s an elimination game and it’s “Win or go home”. Since he doesn’t want to end up on TNT “Gone fishin” screen, he’s relentless in his attempt to bag a shorty. He’ll be all over the woman, and she either doesn’t want to be rude and totally diss dude, or she’s looking for one of her homegirls to pull the save move. He has no care of looking thirstier than a tourist trapped in the desert without water for 40 days. He will win at all costs, but is rarely successful. That’ll be $20 sir.

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Mr. Throw-it-in-the-bag: This is the dude who buys his love interest and her fellow pigeons crew drinks, food, and anything else to show he’s straight ballin‘. Pardon me if I forget, but I read a similar post either here or three ways on dudes trickin, whether they got it or not. I roll with women who tell me they refuse to pay for drink on a particular night, and I’ll watch them style on these suckas. There’s nothing wrong with buying a drink, but when you’re buying out the bar for the pum pum, you need to first deposit $20 USD in the Man Law Violations Account. SMH.

The Dance FAIL Dude:
For anyone whose been to a college party, you’ll appreciate this. You know when a group of girls are dancing in that infamous circle, and you watch that one dude as he daces by himself. He slowly inches close and closer to his intended target, building more confidence with each step. Finally he goes in for the kill, only to have shorty pull away, or have her friends pull her away! I’m not talking as if this didn’t happen to me, but it’s different when dude WATCHES SHORTY THE ENTIRE NIGHT in order to fail at a dance. A dance my nizzle? Play the law of averages, have some testicular fortitude, and pull shorty to you to dance. If she stunts on you, curse her out, call her a bum b*tch, and holla at her friend just walk away as cool as possible and set your sights on a badder chick.Don’t forget that $20 for the collection plate for your heart transplant.

Police Brutality Boy:
“I don’t handcuff, I don’t arrest” (c) Lil Wayne – This is the dude who straight locks up chicks, handcuffs by the bar, will grab a shorties hand, and will not accept get off me you ass I don’t like you I’m calling security no for an answer. If this dude is your homie, he’ll also claim shorty in the club if you want to holla. He could have no shot in hell at winning with this fine lady, and should defer for the sake of the team’s success, but he’s hell bent on making it happen. Meanwhile, dudes who already holleredand did there thing with the woman you got locked up (no Akon) look at you like “I feel sorry for your mother” (c) Menace 2 Society. He will take the chick to IHOP and Dennys when she already told him she was trying to “goto sleep”(No CM Punk). He has the potential to become a game 7 brother. Place the $20 on the table and walk.away.slowly!

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The PDA Patna: This dude has no fear, and he’s bold as hell. Whether he blames it on either the goose or the henny, he gains liquid courage to spit the best game he’s ever spit to women in the club. She somehow feels what he’s saying, and although they may have just met, never looked at each other in that way, or if she was plotting on dude, he finds himself tonguing chicks down in the MIDDLE of the dance floor! No matter where it occurs, that’s a prime example of club wifing. My dude, I respect the audacity and pimp game, but rules are rules. You and shorty owe the bank $20. Consider it the daily double!

The Dos Equis Gentleman:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2SSZA0CjdQ]

The dude who gets wifed by chicks who have interest in him, and rocks with it accordingly. he seals the deal at the expense of letting himself get cuffed by his own “Mrs. Officers”. He can and will do this with multiple women, if it’s a good night. I got you on that $20 my dude, as long as I can get that CP3 no look alley oop!

Fellas, have you witnessed or committed these crimes? Ladies did I miss anything?

One Love
Streetz: The Living Legend

Comment(22)

  1. First of all. I love this blog. Y'all are hilarious.

    Second. What about the Crackin' Only the Jokes Bloke. He comes to the club handing out pieces of Now or Later. Asks if he can add some cream to my mocha. Performs [email protected] near half of his stand up comedy routine only to realize that while ladies like to laugh, we really came to the club to swag and surf on the dance floor.

  2. Homie,
    I feel ya 100 on this post… Its funny because my homies & me was just talking about how dudes be handcuffing chicks in the club…I always thought brawds in club was open game. But dudes are taking it serious these days. They see you stepping to a brawd and instantly start mean muggin like their wife or something.He dont even know the chick.

  3. @ Nelia – No swagging and surfing at the club, es no bueno for people with home training.

    I was the PDA Partna when I first got out of school, so I have to laugh at that accurate representation.

    You left out this guy:
    1) Plies – The guy who comes to the club in the Range, parks out front, leaves it running, shows up at 230am, scopes out the chicks and lets other dudes by them drinks and then takes them back to the crib during the let out at 3am, off the strength of the whip.

    I think now a days I focus on not being one of these characters. But I can't lie I know a dude for each one of these personalities.

  4. @ Dr. J – I see nothing wrong with dude being Plies. We should in fact give him $20.

    I think every guy has been one of these characters. I know I have been multiple ones, i've learned from err of my ways

  5. What about the Clique Boys: The guys that find a spot on the dance floor and scope out every woman in the joint. Finally when their cutest member is ready to move in on someone they're all on his bumper and will automatically assume they're going to talk to her friends.

  6. These descriptions are very accurate, love it…lol! @chiricity, the clique boys are still alive and well around my way…its a darn shame to see grown arse men huddled in a circle waiting on the "leader" to make a move. SMH

  7. @ Dr. J – Yes !! "Mr. Plies" will then drop the chicks off and do one of two things: A.) Go back to his place where he has no utilities and barely a bed to sleep on…due to the purchase of his Range, he barely has a pot to piss in, or B.) Go to his man's house the next morning and drop the borrowed car home. ::womp womp::

    I went to the club last week and a particular dude was straight cuffin'. I like to dance and have a good time with my girls, but just because you get a dub and we exchange a few words does not mean I owe you anything. He asked to buy me a drink I said "No thank you." You would've thought he got the point after I turned down his drink. I go to the bathroom, dude wanna grab my wrist ::red flags go off:: I exit the bathroom, he's right there actin' like he was just talkin' to some friends. Then dude needs re-enforcement and gets his man, who's in VIP to back him up like "Yo, my dude is feelin' you. Why don't you go over there and give him ya math." As I proceed to leave he gives me the "Oh word?" look. Yes, word. I tell him to enjoy the rest of his night.

    PLEASE no love in the club and no cuffin'!!

  8. the clique boys. hilarious. i've seen it happen all too often. i've seen all these dudes actually. usually when i go out, i don't go out to meet women. i go out to party and kick it in a chilled atmosphere. usually i'm drinking my vodka and people watching as well. but all these dudes are hilarious to me.

  9. Crazy how accurate this is, when are dudes and women going to realize the club is not equivalent to Match.com. Women go to the club to have fun, enjoy the music, get a few drinks and spend time with the girls. Guys go to the club to find women, and since we both go for different reasons the whole hooking up thing fails. Is kind of annoying until you see something worth looking at (eye candy) and maybe start some mild flirting.

    But I have experienced some of these situations, so all I will say, most of the times girls dont care about you. They just want to have fun, and you might be used for those purposes ONLY. Thats why I dont give out my number in the club!

  10. This was hilarious. I ran into "Dance FAIL Dude" this past weekend. There I was dancing with my girls having a good time when I notice this creepy guy staring at me from a distance. I do my best "don't you dare approach me" face but he still comes up and GRABS my hand (really forceful at that). Then after I pull away and say no thanks he proceeds to stand in the corner and glare at me for the rest of the night. WTF!

  11. I'm a first time visitor and commentor and I must say this list was on point. I've encountered all of these types except two.

  12. While I was never any of the above guys, I was kind of the "Didn't get the hint guy" once. While my boys stood gaulking at, and drooling over, the prettiest girl in a group across the lounge/club, I walked over and asked her friend if she wanted to dance. She said, "Let me finish my drink first." Me being the thirsty young lad I was, said, "Cool." and waited there for her to finish her drink. OH how I've learned……….

  13. Sometimes if you do it right, the dance guy gets the girl. It's all about being assertive and confident! Where I'm from that'sexactly what you do when you see a girl on the dance floor. You either come up behind her or approach her from the front and gently pull her towards you without asking permission. the problem is that a lot of guys lack the guts to do this because they are afraid of rejection! grow a set men!

  14. THIS POST IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANY ONE OF THESE GUYS! I USUALLY JUST BE KOOL, MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A SHORTY TO LET HER KNOW IM FEELING HER, AN BY THE END OF THE NITE AFTER EVERY GUY IN THE CLUB HAVE RAN SCRIPT ON HER I WALK UP ON SOME KOOL SHIT AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 BAG THE SHORTY THAT NITE!!!

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