I hit up ATL this weekend to check out the Greek, and as always it was so hot I came back as Idris’s complexion an excellent time. I saw a lot of people I haven’t seen in a while, including a homegirl of mine. She told me how she wasn’t feeling the party because her ex boyfriend went nuts. He got angry seeing her in pictures with other dudes. He berated her, called her all sorts of names, and she in turn, told him to google maps the address to the intersection of “You’re a lame BLVD” and “We are through” PKWY! I hate when dudes shoot themselves in the foot (No plaxico) when it comes to females. Especially when they talk to/ date/wifed/married said woman. One emotional feeling can lead to their demise, as in this situation. An insecure man will lose time and time again with ladies. It’s elementary. So why do men continue this troubled trend? I have a few ideas:
Low self esteem – Don’t think that dudes are oblivious when a girl they’re dating is out of their league. They question themselves, wonder why someone like “that” would want to get with “this”. They thank tiny baby Jesus for their good fortune, but want nothing to impede their happiness. So they growl like DMX at any dude who dare appear in photos, or call her for any reason. He feels like any man will be competition, and sooner or later she’ll see a guy who appears as the instant upgrade and may consider this gospel, and dump her 2.0.
She’s cool with the homies she smashed – Maybe they haven’t touched each other in years, but nothing makes a dude give the side eye more than seeing his wifey cool with dudes whom she’s had relations. Guys know guys, and also know that the majority of us seize opportunity for the pums on any given Sunday. They tread a fine line between trusting their boo and watching other dudes, but after a while this will consume a dude and drive him insane. What he has to realize is that people will do what they want, regardless of your feelings. You can’t control their actions, and if you have to worry about said actions that extensively, then maybe its time to phone home that relationship.
Dude is a control freak by nature – If you’re dude checks your email, voicemail, facebook, twitter, knows your schedule, screams when you’re not home at your normal time, and barks on you for going out with friends, do you think he’s going to enjoy any interaction you have with the opposite sex? He wants to be the boss of the woman, and displaying forceful insecurity is just another tool of his compensation for something else he most likely lacks. Run far, FAR away!
Dude is doin dirt his damn self – Men know about the boomerang effect. Karma is a bitch, and that bitch will eventually catch you. You are certain that your lady tricking on you will be the “comes around”, and you try your best to control the laws of fate. People been reading Invictus too much and got it twisted. Dudes who all of a sudden start pressing issues of pictures, male friends, coworkers, etc, be aware that he knows all the secrets to slick moving because he may be the President and a client!
I leave the 5th to you: Why are men so insecure? Dudes do I got it twisted? Ladies is this on point so far? Lets speak on it!
aside from the last one, you pretty much summed up my ex boyfriend. wow.
@Muze: Is that's why he is an ex?
You're on point with this one. I've dated a few people like this, usually it doesn't get beyond casual dating b/c I cannot take being smothered.
Although I didn’t realize that my recent ex was a bit on the possessive side, until I woke up to him going through my phone. Apparently, he had been doing it for a long time. Also, I had Verizon and it beeps when someone calls and you are on the other line. He would want to know if I was talking to a guy when he called and it beeped (I never was). Then would get angry when I didn’t hang up the phone immediately with the other person and speak to him. However, he kept that to a minimum and it’s not the reason we broke up.
"She's cool with the homies she's smashed" Ummm yeeeaaa. This was a rock in my ass for a while. Dude can learn about maybe two then assume that I've slept with all my guy friends when I mention a homie. Not the case, that would make me something I am definitely not. He finally got the picture and is more trusting. Control freak is another issue and a sign of insecurity. Nice list.
@ SBM: Hey!! I'm working from home and as you can see hardly working… feels good to comment. 🙂
Low self esteem – I cannot relate. Confidence is attractive, so am I.
She’s cool with the homies she smashed – Most women think they can have their cake and eat it too. No one told your cooch to sleep with that boy, so deal. Nobody at the wedding who saw you naked. If you must keep in contact, do it privately.
Dude is a control freak by nature – Not me, the gift of being a Libra. I'm indecisive myself.
Dude is doin dirt his damn self – People always suspect people of doign what they would do in a similar situation.
In conclusion, i'm no Plaxico, but understand the phenomenon. But in his defense, maybe he should date the right woman for him. For a man who is controlling, there are plenty of women who are submissive and like to be controlled.
"“She’s cool with the homies she’s smashed” Ummm yeeeaaa. This was a rock in my ass for a while. Dude can learn about maybe two then assume that I’ve slept with all my guy friends when I mention a homie."
You may be an exception to the rule but most women seem to have a permanent bond with most men they sleep with. From my experience most women that have a few male friends are usually former sex partners. Once they sleep with them they have to always make sure they know how they are doing.
i'm with dr. j on not being able to relate on having low self esteem. everyone has insecurities, even me (i know gather yourself from the shock). its perfectly natural to have insecurities about yourself or things that have to deal with you. to be insecure about a relationship or another person is lame in my opinion. you can't control anyone but yourself so why even waste the time or energy?
This lamar odom 6'9 nikka talkin bout insecurities…lmao
I can't relate to the low self esteem either. I'll worry without bringing it up if I suspect stuf. If I have hardcore evidence, ill bring it and see what she says and leave it at that. After that what can you do? There's 24 hours in a day. You never gonna be with someone for all those days so just hope they make the right decisions, recognize we are all human, and cross that bridge when you arrive at it
Bout ya can't speak engrish mon. Ya muss be insecure. Cha rasta fari
@ streetz – my perspective is different. i'm definitely the "b*tch you f*ck*n him" dude. i just always think the worse and figure out on my own if i can deal with that. but i manage to keep it from crossing into insecurities because i take it with a grain of salt.
1, 2 and 4 are VERY familiar for me. Of course I found out all of this AFTER I accepted a ring, but before I said "I do," so I still win. LOL.
I wouldn't have pegged my ex to have low self esteem, but I found out that he was very insecure about me and us because our backgrounds were so different. I don't think he ever believed that I REALLY was all in…thus my proposal…to lock me down.
I've found that even if these issues are present, men will put on a happy face anyway…act as if there is no issue and then do this passive-aggressive thing outta nowhere. Acting out over a picture? Come on now. Everyone has to take care of #1 and admit their own issues, but after dealing with self, be honest with the one you're with. If there's no trust, there's no us.
Ladies, say you were with a man who was some, if not all of these things. You guys break up because of his insecurity. Do you think it's possible for him to redeem himself? And if so, how?
Man, you're on point. # 1 & 2 describe my S.O. to a tee.
Yes, these ring true. I have, at times, been ALL of these… but there's more. You see, we don't start out that way. Sometimes it's out reach exceeding our grasp (leading to insecurity when we DO actually score the hottie everyone wants). But sometimes, we start out trusting and devoted, and have that trust broken for some reason (she bangs someone else, tells her girlfriends she's juicing you, etc.) and leads us to resolve never to be played again. Of course, there's no way we can possibly control future relationships, but we try anyway.
Yes, these ring true. I have, at times, been ALL of these… but there's more. You see, we don't start out that way. Sometimes it's our reach exceeding our grasp (leading to insecurity when we DO actually score the hottie everyone wants). But sometimes, we start out trusting and devoted, and have that trust broken for some reason (she bangs someone else, tells her girlfriends she's juicing you, etc.) and leads us to resolve never to be played again. Of course, there's no way we can possibly control future relationships, but we try anyway.
Emotions are a funny thing in general, and men in particular are not well equipped to deal with them. It's when we try to be most in control that we play ourselves the most.
Or maybe he's a grown man and thought she wouldn't be a childish attention whore.