The early stages of a relationship, situation, courtship or just casual dating are easy. It’s easy right up until the point where you say to yourself that you would like to see the person again. But what happens is we all meet at different stages of our lives. OK, take, for example, college; when you graduate college, you are a new college graduate and all of your peers are also new college graduates and looking forward to the future. Well, as it pertains to dating, we don’t meet at the same time, we meet at spontaneous instances in time. I could be just exiting out of a relationship, I could have be coming out of my “I’m taking some time to myself” stage, I could be in a relationship, I could be on the way out of a relationship, I could be focused on things outside of relationships, I could be evaluating whether the person I’ve been dating for sometime is really a lady I’d like to wife down and if I need to slow down, etc. etc. etc.
So what happens if we meet at these two different points?
me: I’ve been in some bad situations lately, and right now, I just need to date a little bit, try that out for a while and see what happens.
she: I’m ready to be in a relationship. I’ve met this guy named, Dr. J who I think is the perfect guy for me.
I put my head in my hands and I say, “Sh*t.” (And that’s a quick “sh*t” not a long drawn out “sh*t”, spelled like, “Sheeeeeeeit.” That spelling is reserved for when someone does something ridiculous.) You know what people do when they really like somebody? They want to see the person they really like, ALL THE TIME. They think about the person, ALL THE TIME. And if you are that person and you don’t feel the same way, you can bet your ass you better spend some time figuring out what the hell you’re going to do about it. Because all of a sudden, you are running the risk of being labeled, Grimy. (This is almost the equivalent as the word, Ho. It can be used in the most arbitrary ways.)
So let’s be honest, I’ll tell you what goes through a man’s head. I’m breaking the man by-laws. (Not to be confused with the man laws or man code.)
I have a few options when you can tell someone to slow down without hurting them:
1) I can just make up random excuses about why I’m busy, but I’m really into her.
2) I can just go along with it, I just hope that later on my feelings start to catch up and I want to be around her all the time. (I am allowed to b*tch to my boys all the time about how the chick wants to hang out all the time and I just want to watch the freaking game!) In this case, you will just avoid if you get asked a question like “what are we?”.
3) I can tell her to slow down. (Eeeeeek!)
But no one likes rejection, and undoubtedly that’s the way they will take it. When you told them to slow down, you really don’t mean it in a bad way, more like… I like you, but I just want to take my time getting to the point where I see you more than once a week, or once every two weeks. Maybe I’m still evaluating options, which means you still have a shot at being the option selected, but I HAVE TO SPEND SOME TIME TO MYSELF and figure out what I want to do. (And maybe while I’m trying to figure that out, I’m dating other women, but cheese and rice, how else will I be sure that I want to be with you?)
In my personal opinion, most people will pick option #1, because it’s the best shot at keeping the person around. But it’s not the best option by any means for the future of the relationship. It’s like forcing a person into a corner and making them make a rash decision. But real talk, can I say, “I need you to slow down” and she not jump to a conclusion and say “he’s not that into me and I need to go find someone else who is”? And maybe I need to explain myself a little better and that will help. But I’m starting to think that a guy or girl saying, “I think we need to slow down” or “Maybe we should take a step back” is the equivalent of “We need to talk” it just causes rash decisions and actions to be made.
Tell me somebody out there feels me.
– Dr. J
Also, read on an interesting post – Twitter Doesn’t Offer Any Benefits To Relationships