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Tadow! How ya like me now?! – Maintenance Issues


Good day fine people! If you look over to your left you will see that the fine writers here at SBM take your opinion very seriously and aim to please you, so this topic is from one of our excellent readers out there in the blogosphere.   Additionally, I do tons of recreational drugs and don’t have an original thought in my head, so it helps every one out.

“How far should you go to maintain your appearance in a relationship?”

Good question.  Just like most things in life, I think this on a case by case basis.  Generally speaking, I think most people in a relationship would like to have their mate look pretty much the same as the day they met them.   But in a society that moves so fast on a daily basis and is so dependent on processed damn near deadly food, this is almost improbable.  Couple this with work, kids and all the stuff that consumes time and most people don’t have time to think about eating healthy and getting their hair did.  Single people tend to care more about their appearance, but then once they get locked up, they assume their partner loves them for who they are on the inside (only on afterschool specials folks).  People get boo’d up and the haircuts are less frequent, nail appointments aren’t as urgent, and the thought of eating salads becomes totally absurd.

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I think the emphasis placed on your physical appearance in a relationship should be as important to you as it is to your partner.  If you find yourself sitting on the couch pounding a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a Heineken every time wifey gets home from the gym, she’s definitely giving you the side eye and giving her personal trainer the bedroom eyes.  It’s like Chris Rock said, if you do crack and she goes to church, it’s probably not gonna work out.  Conversely, if your SO is coming home from work with his and her pints of ice cream and six pack of lager, then you can look forward to more romantic nights of listening to each other getting fat for years to come.  I actually have a friend that is notorious for ending relationships because his love interest has lost weight.  Our convos usually go like this:

RCLS: Dawg, what’s good with you and shorty?
: That’s a wrap, kid.
: Que pasa? She a spitter?
: She lost about 10 pounds since we hooked up and just signed up for a Bally’s membership.  Such a turnoff.
: Yea kid, you know me…I like ’em short, black, damn near fat…
: (Smh)  You’re nuts.  Stop chiefin….

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Different strokes for different folks.  If you’re pleasantly plump and enjoy being that way, I don’t recommend dating a narcissist.  Unless they’re a  narcissist with a gigantor ego,  then they’ll be more concerned about looking better than you and won’t mind if you don’t look as hot as them.  (Yes, gigantor is a word, so feel free to break it out during your next Scrabble match.)

From my novice observations, I think men have a tendency to be a little more particular about their SO’s appearance than vice versa.  Not saying that women are innocent in all this, but fellas have no problem moving on if certain things aren’t in order.  Which, one on hand, I can understand cuz if you buy a house and the siding starts falling off as soon as you close, you might want your money back.  But, I am one of the brothers that emphasizes with a woman’s plight: they have to make sure the nails are did (To hell w/ Katt Williams, plum and red don’t match.), make sure their hair is flawless, get the makeup right, shave unsightly places, smell like fresh roses 24 hours a day as well as deal with their friend popping up every month.   And of course, we can place the blame on the media’s hold on our brains, but generally speaking women are a little more lenient on appearance issues, unless the D shrinks…that’s pretty much the deal breaker.

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I guess in the long run, no one wants to feel jipped.  The biggest thing is probably consistency.  If you gettin’ lined up twice a week when you were single, don’t think wifey won’t trip if you let that slip.  I don’t think when she first laid eyes on you she thought “Damn…he’s fine, but I wonder what he looks like scruffy…”.  It’s a fine line…don’t kill yourself over your SO’s opinion, but also…please, don’t let yourself go under the premise that you are locked down and your mate should be happy.   Depreciation affects us all.

Talk to me people…ever been dumped cuz son found out you got that Indian hair from Sharonda’s Temple of Hair and not from your mama?  Any fellas ever found themselves kicked to the curb cuz they started stretching out their wifebeaters?   Put your snacks down and holla!

Getting finer with each passing day,

RightCoastLexSteele, Cocksman Pro Tempore


  1. I had someone break up with me cus I went from a size 4 to a size 6, in the winter. It all worked out though because it made me more aware of my weight and general health. (I later found out I had a condition that caused me to gain weight.)

    I get my hair, nails, etc. done for me. I like to walk past reflective surfaces and think, "Damn! I'm hot!" Women who let themselves go after they get a significant other were probably only keeping themselves together to get a SO. Their shyt was a means to an end. I'm way to into good skin and looking good to let myself go under any circumstance. Plus, if the SO steps out of line too much, I have to be ready to go out and pick up a new pair and spare without having to revamp my wardrobe, tame my hair, etc.

    I'm from Detroit–land of the 24 hour hair salon in the 80's. I wasn't raised to every let myself go. Through college, my mother paid for me to keep my hair 'did'.

  2. I had the oppisite happen to me. I was taught to never come out the house dressed less then your very best. My sons father broke up with me because he said I was extra there was no reason to wear heels to the laundry mat and the grocery store. At the time i didn't own sneakers.
    so what was i supposed to wear? He said i was too feminine..his girl now looks like a man. perfect for him!

  3. I was casually dating a guy (and other people) and he stopped being interested in me when I decided to loc my hair. He "couldn't understand why I would do that." Whateva. I don't hate on other styles or relaxers, but I love my hair like this.

  4. i think appearance has a lot to do with a relationship. people who don't think so or say so is only kidding themselves. i don't see anything wrong with small changes here and there but drastic changes (like gaining 50 pounds) is going to get the side eye from me. lets say for instance my s/o gained that much weight, i would encourage her to go the gym with me and hopefully she would get the clue. if she didn't then i would come right out and tell her that i was not happy with her weight gain. it may hurt her feelings but i think it would hurt her (and me) more in the long run if i kept my mouth shut.

  5. I believe in being healthy. I don't need my man to have abs of steel or a 24hr gym membership, but please try to eat sensibly and get some type of regular exercise. I've gained weight since I've been with my current S.O. although it mostly went to my butt/hips/breasts. He likes thick girls anyway and thought I was a little on the small side when we got together. I still work out and I'm happy with myself so it's all good. I will say that I like guys with at least semi-athletic bodies, I don't go for teddy bears. You can't be as soft and cuddly as I am, that's a problem!

  6. I believe that if you ever catch yourself looking anything less than your best, it's means for mental punishment lol. I know I've slipped before and didn't realize it until I started getting my sh*t together. And I regret it even thinking about it now. Relationship or not, slipping is not a good look. If you want someone else to like how you look, don't you have to look right to begin with…?

  7. My strategy is to let him see me in all states early so there are no surprises. I am into health & well-being not fashion so all that hair & nails stuff is not done on the regular. I always look good & sometimes I'm fine, but if u were loving me for the stilletos & weave I was rocking for that special event when you met me, I think I do us both a favor when I let you see my w/ no makeup in ny sweats. Keeping it real, I don't want to be "on" all the time.

  8. I show it how it is and most dudes appreciate lookin good when ur not tryin.
    But now keepin in shape is a difficult thang when ur comfty wit ur honey cuz most of the time u spent all that time in tha gym to catch him in the first place.

    One way around that is workin out wit ur babe. I like it..yea it can be a distraction but I cant help but rape a sexy sweaty (but not stiky) specimen pumpin iron right after. Makes me go crazy. Not to say I go to the gym tryin to holla but I do keep my ears open for those that mention they go to the gym like clockwork and are conscious of they figure.


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